Posts by Melissa Sanchez8

steelmarlin77 said:If you’re looking at things through a strictly deterministic lens, then yeah, sure. Everything is exactly how it has to be, though you’ve also got that whole many-worlds theory floating around, which suggests that every single possibility—or pretty much all of them—is playing out in some other reality. Somewhere out there, maybe monogamy is the standard, or maybe we’re all living in polygamous societies, or perhaps humanity never even crawled out of the caves in the first place. Honestly, wouldn't that have been better? 😁Everything that’s happened from those ancient days up to right now feels fundamentally rigged, and frankly, I'm sick of it. I’m honestly at the point where I’d rather just retreat back into a cave and live without any of these supposed "civilized" luxuries rather than deal with this constant injustice just so I can have access to crashing airplanes, cars, TV, the internet, GMOs, processed junk food, and all the other modern crap. Western civilization really stepped in it somewhere along the line, and if it doesn't fix its own contradictions soon, the whole thing is going to collapse under its own weight. I don't even know if we can truly claim to be the most technologically advanced era yet, because even though we've invented a million useless gadgets we don't know what to do with, we're all emotionally broken. Forced labor and all these little distractions designed to scratch at our "needs" just to act as a band-aid for emotional emptiness... that's the real legacy of this entire civilization.

Then go. What's stopping you? Thank God there are still caves out there...
You'll definitely get a different perspective.

Once you start worrying about your own survival—like whether you'll actually eat tomorrow, stay warm, or sleep through the night safely—you’ll stop obsessing over most of the stuff you just listed.

There is nothing worse than worrying about the entire world and getting bitter about it, while doing absolutely nothing about it...

melloworca6 said:The worst part is they’re your very first point of contact at the hospital and the clinics. Most of the time, you just run into people who are completely cranky and totally fed up. Look, I get it—not everyone has a perfect day, we all deal with our own stuff, and they have to deal with all sorts of personalities too (and yeah, patients can be difficult)... but if someone is actually being decent and kind to you, how can you possibly justify being rude back? Usually, people are just lost. They have no clue where they’re supposed to go because every department and clinic has its own weird schedule and set of rules. It’s no wonder people feel aimless. You try to ask a simple question and they act like you committed a crime just for speaking up.

It's the exact same story with the people handling the scheduling.

I often get the feeling that the easier your job is, the more high-strung you become when you actually have to do something. Suddenly, even picking up the phone feels like a massive chore...

casualcanyon3 said:.."the artist gave the public total freedom to do whatever they wanted with her, without any accountability."

I think that’s really the crux of it. Add to that the fact that it was carried out by a massive crowd... people act differently in a mob. Individuals who wouldn't dare do anything on their own get swept up in the collective madness...

No accountability, no consequences.
The fear of facing a punishment that doesn't fit the crime is a huge deterrent to acting at all.
There’s a reason we have laws and enforcement agencies in this country...

Everything in nature follows certain rules and laws. Humans aren't some exception to the rule. It's just necessary...

How much of a person do you think is actually gray?

A person is as "gray" as they allow themselves to be.
In cases like the one we're discussing, people are making conscious choices. They know exactly how much damage they're causing...

This has been going on for quite a while now. It feels a bit weird...

The longest I’ve ever seen something like this last was maybe ten days, but that was usually because the injection site got infected. Once that drainage cleared up, everything else just settled down.

I actually know a colleague who was getting iron IV treatments, and her veins just couldn't handle it. Every single time she had an infusion—even just a few hours later—the area around the needle would flare up. For her, those symptoms hung around for about a week.
The pain was intense, too, but it did eventually fade away.
She used saline compresses to help. She didn't bother wrapping it in bandages or anything.

It happened to me once, too. I stuck to saline compresses, even though some people suggested a mix of alcohol and water (half and half). I didn't go overboard with any bandages.
I just tried to use my arm as normally as possible, despite the pain.

Honestly, the symptoms really should be starting to ease up by now. Just keep a close eye on it... definitely watch out for anything new, like if your whole arm starts swelling. That’s when things get serious.

I’m having a bit of a hard time keeping up with the timeline here. How long do those sharper pains usually last, and does the redness stay just as intense...

casualmoose27 said:First off, a big hello to everyone. I’m honestly not even sure if this is the right place for this kind of thing, but I can’t find anywhere else that fits.

So, here’s the situation. I have a 20-year-old sister who has been, frankly, a very strange person since she was little. I’m not trying to sugarcoat anything here. Even back when we were kids, she used to get this weird thrill out of it when our parents blamed me for things she actually did. I just got used to it, and at the time, I didn't think it really shaped who I am. We just brushed it off as childhood stuff. But a few years ago, the real trouble started. She dealt with so much bullying at school that we had to move her to different classes because she just couldn't fit in anywhere. We did everything in our power to help her and make her feel comfortable in her own skin. Around that time, she started taking Pfizer and some sleeping pills that a psychologist in Washington, D.C. recommended. Things stabilized slightly, but then high school hit. Same story—bullying issues again. We moved her grades around, eventually transferring her to a different school entirely. Suddenly, everything changed. She became completely narcissistic. I figured, okay, it's just puberty, we can handle it. We put up with it for three years. By senior year, it turned into a total disaster. Our relationship deteriorated completely; the nicest thing she’d say to me was "You're stupid!" Her relationship with our parents was even worse. She would insult my dad in every way imaginable, and the worst part was when she’d stand right in front of him, screaming about how little he’s ever done for her. (And let me be clear: our parents have provided us with ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING in life). She treated my mom even worse—it reached a point I don't even want to write down. Things calmed down briefly when she went back on the Pfizer.

Then, we find out Mom is sick. Multiple sclerosis. There was still a semblance of peace. Then, just a few months later, things took an even darker turn when Mom found a lump in her breast and had to undergo surgery. It was cancer. The fight began, and we all tried our best to stay positive and help however we could. Everyone except my sister. Out of nowhere, she gets even worse. She starts gaslighting Mom, telling her she’s the reason she has cancer, and she hammers away at her with that guilt every single day. Mom cries every day, and Dad is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. In the last month alone, I’ve had to beg Dad twice not to kick her out of the house. I know I’m wrong for doing that, but she's my sister. The situation won't settle down; she insults everyone, including our cat! (Yes, it sounds ridiculous), nothing is ever good enough for her, she thinks she's the only smart one, and she keeps piling guilt on Mom.

The breaking point happened yesterday. Since I have a job and my own income, Mom gave me a little gift, which she hasn't done in a long time. My sister absolutely lost it. Once again, the verbal abuse toward Mom and me started. Today, she’s giving us the cold shoulder, and she is entirely responsible for Mom's tears.

I want to go back to our relationship, which used to be good. Once. I remember one day talking to her calmly about relationships. I meant sexual ones, and I told her she shouldn't feel ashamed and that she had my support, suggesting she come to me for protection or advice if she didn't want to ask Mom, though I mentioned sex wasn't really my thing. She said she'd ask me about everything. Well, today I found out she performed oral sex on the son of our parents' close family friends. Who? My sister, apparently. I am in total shock.

To clarify that last part, we know the names of a couple of her friends, but we only know what two of them look like. She never brings anyone home, even though our parents are wonderful people. I always brought my friends over, including my boyfriend. That's normal to me. When she goes out into the city, she rarely says where she actually is, and she has spent New Year's Eve alone for the last three years. We essentially know nothing about her. She lives one life with us, and a completely different one outside. Please, help me.

Sorry for this long, messy post; I'm just feeling incredibly overwhelmed right now. Any advice is welcome...

It honestly blows my mind how much people are willing to overlook bad behavior just because of a blood relation. So what if she’s your sister? If she were a murderer, would that somehow make her actions okay in your eyes?
Why on earth would you shield and enable someone acting like this?
There has to be a line somewhere, whether it's a sister, a parent, a kid, or a spouse...

She clearly has issues, and by protecting her and catering to her every whim, you aren't helping her at all—let alone making life easier for yourselves. All this does is give her the impression that whatever she pulls, she'll be forgiven. She'll never respect you or listen to you this way.
She’s the last person who deserves pity here.
Your mother is dealing with health issues, but should you really have to put up with this?
Do it for her, if you won't do it for yourself.

If I were in your shoes, I’d lay down some serious ultimatums.
Therapy—so she can actually figure out what's wrong since she refuses to talk to you about it.
I don't know if she's working or in school... whatever, she needs to get a job.
Zero tolerance for toxic behavior. If she wants to be nasty during a conversation, fine, then there's nothing left to talk about.
Since she’s already eaten up so much of your time, I’d also set a deadline for when she actually needs to show some progress.
Set boundaries, establish rules, and actually stick to them.
For this to work, everyone in the family has to be on the same page. If she spots one weak link, she’ll exploit it and everything will go right back to how it was.

If there’s no change, or even a desire to change, I’d wish her the best and show her the door.

I’m not quite sure what you mean by "getting back to themselves"...
The only specific case I know involves someone close to me. For them, things started looking up after about a month and a half. But honestly, that might not apply here—it all depends on which area was hit and how much damage was done to her versus what happened to your mother.

Physically, they’re both doing fine—totally mobile and active. You can see the scars, but that’s nothing to worry about.

It’s definitely a plus that they have your support right now.
She’ll almost certainly feel more comfortable being in a familiar environment. Even with all the other issues she's faced, she still remembers and recognizes everyone.
Just don't give up. There will be good days and bad days, but you just have to hang in there...

It takes time to adjust to everything, including the current treatment plan. If she was particularly restless, they probably had to increase her dosage, which could easily explain why she seems more depressed lately. That should level out eventually. Just keep a close eye on things.

I’ve seen something similar happen within my own family.
A car hit someone close to me, causing severe traumatic brain injuries.
It was about two years ago. She was in a coma... nobody knew if she’d make it through or what life would look like after.
She spent months in rehab at a specialized facility out in Colorado, where she was immobile, disoriented, and dealing with these intense, sudden mood swings.
Her daughter stayed with her at the facility during that whole time.
Honestly, having that massive family support system made all the difference.

Once she finally got back home, there was a long adjustment period.
Socializing was a struggle. And, of course, she had to relearn basic things from scratch.

Today, she functions pretty normally, though she’s on medication. She has no memory of the accident or the immediate aftermath, but everything from her time in rehab onward is clear in her mind.
There is a psychological shift, too, but nothing "bad"... she used to be more shy, maybe a bit more reserved, but now she’s much more outgoing and social. You can see the subtle differences.

Another case I know involves a colleague’s mother, though that was over a decade ago. She was in a car wreck, too. Went through the same grueling rehab and dealt with all those physical and mental hurdles.
She also functions relatively normally now, just with those little behavioral nuances.
In her case, the personality change was a bit more obvious than my family member, but still nothing extreme.

My colleague was roughly your age when this happened to her mom. It was incredibly tough on her, especially since her father stepped up and took on so much of the heavy lifting and caregiving.
It’s going to be hard for you, too. You’re at an age where you need her support most, but instead, you have to be the one providing it to her.

You’ll need to be strong and ready for anything. Ready to essentially step in as a mother figure sometimes. To teach her how to do things all over again.
You are going to need a mountain of patience.
I don't know how much you'll be able to handle on your own. It would be a good idea to have someone else in your corner to help shoulder the load.

What she’s going through isn't "crazy." The brain is unpredictable and incredibly sensitive. So, expect anything. Those big, sudden shifts in mood and behavior? They’re totally expected.

It is absolutely vital that she stays on her prescribed medication, so once she's home, you'll need to stay on top of that.
Stay firm. Don't give up easily when she decides she’s done with something.
She’s young, and her body is capable. If she says she doesn't want to go for a walk, walk with her anyway.

You’ll have to learn how to judge what needs to be pushed and what shouldn't. You'll hear "I won't" or "I can't" a lot, and you'll have to figure out when to push her and when to let it go.

I really hope you find the strength to get through this, and I hope you find some support so it isn't all on your shoulders.
There is definitely hope for a good recovery, but it takes time...

Reading what you wrote, I can't help but picture you as some teenager—maybe physically attractive and used to getting attention from guys, but lacking any real self-respect or respect for anyone else. You've got that whole "the world is mine" attitude...
Like a total spoiled brat.

Now, my gut tells me reality is finally starting to set in—that life doesn't work that way—but you’re still acting immaturely.
You want things, but you have no clue how to actually get them.
If you really want to move forward, start by admitting you aren't perfect. You have flaws just like everyone else. Try looking at people realistically instead of through rose-colored glasses; try seeing who they actually are on a deeper level.
Only then can you actually figure out what draws you to someone and what would truly make you happy in the long run.

Basically, the uterine lining sheds and bleeds because of shifts in your hormones. Usually, when everything is running smoothly, this happens once a month. But if your hormone levels are out of whack—which is the most common culprit, though there are other possibilities—it can happen more frequently, just like what you're dealing with right now.
As long as the bleeding isn't getting heavy, you can probably hold off until you're back home and can see your doctor.
There's also a chance it could just stop on its own within the next couple of weeks...

You could end up spreading yourself too thin. But then you run into a whole different issue—losing your sense of self instead of just losing sight of your goals.

I wasn't really talking about those specific examples. I meant more about the compromises we make every day. Like, we pour all our time and energy into these survival-mode goals just to keep our heads above water... and that creates this ripple effect. We end up stuck making choices that don't actually serve us—missing out on things that would help us grow or, you know, actually enjoy life... so we just settle for the less ideal path instead.

Lisa Barrett5 said:I’ve been poking around some older threads lately, but I can't quite seem to find anything that hits the mark here.

So, since it's one of those rainy Sundays, I figured I'd start a new thread centered around a specific curiosity of mine.

Reflecting on my own little struggles, I find myself wondering: what is actually the most effective way to sharpen the mind so we can focus and direct our attention toward those key, essential areas of interest in our lives?

Does it ever happen to you where you're suddenly fascinated by a million different things all at once, and then you end up stuck in this massive mental clutter where you aren't really diving deep into any single thing, just kind of drifting between goals? You know, that feeling where you start a project with such excitement, but before you know it, your attention and inspiration have drifted off toward something entirely different?

I mean, I’ve been thinking that the modern American worker—constantly bombarded by an endless stream of information, responsibilities, events, and social interactions—really has to expend so much extra energy just to separate the signal from the noise, to define priorities, and to learn how to manage time effectively, all while trying to stay "happy and content" with themselves and the world around them. And that goes for both our professional lives and our personal ones, too.

From what I’ve gathered reading various books on the subject, the general advice is to be wise about focusing on fewer elements and setting short-term, clear, and actionable goals, which is perfectly fine in its own right, but I want to dig a little deeper.
I am particularly interested in that preliminary stage—the part involving elimination and making those crucial choices about what truly matters.
What is the secret to unlocking those doors without it feeling like some sort of cold, robotic, machine-like training for the brain?

I would love to hear from anyone who struggles with this same lack of focus, as well as those of you who feel you handle it more efficiently, and if there happen to be any experts hanging out in this forum, I'd welcome your insights as well.

Thanks so much in advance! 🙂

If those areas were truly vital, focusing wouldn't be such an issue.
It’s possible they’re all equally interesting—or uninteresting—in certain ways, which means none of them are actually that important.

Focus relies on motivation, and motivation comes from all sorts of places. The brain is a fascinating thing. It doesn't bother wasting energy memorizing info that we subconsciously realize isn't useful or interesting enough, even when we try really hard to "force" it in.

Yeah, that happens to me too. And whenever I sit down and really think about it, I can usually find at least one logical reason why I'm failing to go deeper in those moments.

Basically, I’m thinking that the modern American worker—swamped by information overload, endless obligations, events, and constant interactions—needs more and more energy just to separate the signal from the noise. They need to define priorities and goals, learn how to manage time effectively, and somehow still feel "happy and satisfied" with themselves and the world around them. That goes for both their personal life and their career.

Times are such that we're constantly pulled between what we want to do and what we have to do just to make ends meet.
We burn through so much energy just getting through the workday, which already eats up most of our time, and then we try to cram everything else into whatever is left.
It’s tough to find the space to actually sit down and define meaningful goals. We’re mostly forced to just go with the flow instead of being intentional because something is always pulling us away.
Life moves too fast for such a short existence...

Reading through various books on the subject, I've concluded it's wise to focus on fewer elements and set clear, actionable, short-term goals. That’s fine in itself, but I want to know more.
Specifically about that preliminary stage involving elimination and choosing key priorities.
What’s the key to opening those doors without it feeling like some robotic, mechanical training of the mind?

Elimination can be pretty straightforward. What’s interesting is finding things that are useful now and in the future... something with actual real-world application. Something that might not just be needed tomorrow, but could actually help you out in a pinch.

wiredmoose87 said:First off, I want to say a huge thank you to anyone kind enough to read this whole thing through.
I’m dealing with a situation that has been weighing heavily on me for the last two years—it’s reached a point where the stress is genuinely starting to bleed into my overall quality of life.

I took a job at a government agency. To give you some context without getting bogged down in the weeds, my day-to-day isn't physically grueling, but when things actually pick up, the responsibilities are significant and quite heavy.
To make a long story short... I have my own office and my own computer, working within a larger team even though everyone else is in a completely different field. I am the only person there with a specialized medical background, and according to the organizational structure, my role is an essential part of this institution. Unfortunately, my colleagues don't see it that way. First off, their main "issue" is that they managed just fine before I arrived—in fact, they think they did "perfectly well" without me. Then there’s the age gap; since I’m relatively young by their standards (despite having nearly three degrees under my belt), they struggle to view me as a figure of oversight, which is fundamentally what my role entails. On top of that, because they work in roles that are incredibly labor-intensive (even if they clock out two hours earlier than my full-time schedule), they view my position as redundant simply because I’m not "busy" in the same physical sense. It is important for me to emphasize that I have immense respect for the work they do; their expertise is vital, and I truly tip my hat to them. But as it turns out, I was clearly naive to think they would extend any of that respect toward me. I didn't earn my credentials without blood, sweat, and tears, and this profession is something I’ve always felt a deep affinity for. Sadly, from them, I get nothing. 🤷 I tend to be very communicative, friendly, and approachable, so perhaps I gave them the wrong impression—that I’m someone they can just walk over whenever they feel like it. I don't know.
In reality, no one says anything to my face. I don't even think they dislike me personally... but...
From my perspective, the core of the problem is one specific individual in the group who is the absolute embodiment of malice. Almost everyone in the office has been burned by her; people are terrified of her, and they practically bow to her every whim or opinion (or at least, they don't dare disagree with how she carries herself or communicates).
I consider myself a soft-hearted, accommodating person, right up until someone pushes me too far. Initially, I went into this with an open mind and no prejudices toward her—despite all the warnings—but she ended up making a fool out of me, quite openly. She turned her back on me, ignoring both my presence and my professionalism. Soon after, out of nowhere, I started hearing from others that she was telling everyone I was just a "clueless kid," that my position was made up, and that I should be ashamed to take a job where I'm essentially being paid to do nothing. She actually told me to my face that I should feel embarrassed walking around the facility while she’s still trying to figure out her own workload, and that I should be helping *her*. And keep in mind, we are in entirely different fields... (if we were to link our jobs, my role would essentially involve overseeing one critical segment of her work).
Technically speaking, my job is physically easy and, in principle, quite relaxed. Theoretically, of course, it can become incredibly stressful. I accepted this position because my previous job was far too demanding and located much too far from where I live. This one is right near my house. Fortunately, because I have a specialized degree, I have a good range of career options, so landing something so practical right in my own city was a win.
But this woman is making my life miserable. It’s not even about professional friction, because we don't interact that much in a work capacity; it’s more about her bitterness. She is determined to ensure I can't "spice things up" with anyone else, doing everything in her power to prevent my coworkers from befriending me or offering me any support. Honestly, if she weren't such a snake, it wouldn't be this bad. I’ve always been well-liked, even popular, in every group I’ve ever joined, and I’ve never been a confrontational person. But this goes beyond all reasonable boundaries. I find it hard to believe that a woman of her age could hate me this much—that my mere existence bothers and embitters her so deeply that she spends every waking moment trying to undermine my standing with the rest of the staff. To make matters worse, she is very close friends with my boss. Perhaps because he is a decent man, he has resisted her attempts to sabotage me so far, even though she is constantly whispering in his ear, suggesting I should get a raise or be assigned a mountain of extra tasks that fall completely outside my scope of work.

The other people in my office can't see what she's planning either, but they are absolutely terrified of her. Honestly, they’d much rather avoid working with me altogether—not because they don't like me, but because they're trying to distance themselves from showing any kind of publicly expressed friendship or warmth toward me, just so she won't turn her sights on them instead...

I made it clear to her that I'm not going to play by her rules like everyone else does, and that I won't be intimidated. I told her exactly what I thought of her behavior right to her face and then walked away (after she had already turned her back on me several times before). That just infuriated her even more, and now I’ve reached a point where I start heading into work with a literal knot in my stomach. It's all because of her—her constant sneering at me, the way she treats me... It's because I see that the people I used to be close with (those who used to jump at every chance to chat with me) now barely dare to say hello when she's around. 😢 There are quite a few women there who are wonderful but very sensitive; they clearly admire that I stood up to her, yet they are terrified of losing their own standing and security, so they pull away. And so... it has become so distressing that I'm actually starting to contemplate resigning. In principle, I don't want to do that—firstly, because I need this job to support my family and my child, and secondly, because a part of me refuses to admit that I was driven out by some frustrated, malicious woman who has absolutely nothing to do with me, neither professionally nor personally.

What would you do if you were in my shoes?
I feel like I don't have many options left... From what I can see, the rule here is either you're on her side (meaning you lose your backbone and act submissive), or you're against her—which means ending up in her crosshairs (and dealing with everything I mentioned above)...🤷
Would you even consider quitting?
Or would you try to ignore everything and act like you couldn't care less about any of it?
My husband tells me I should just ignore her and everything she causes, but sometimes that feels impossible because she makes such a concerted daily effort to ensure I feel her hostility...
Then again, I am a stubborn person at heart. There's a certain defiance in me that refuses to take a subordinate position to her. But still, the stress is becoming overwhelming. I really need an outside perspective and an objective observer. I tried to explain the situation as clearly and realistically as possible (hence why this post is a mile long), and THANK YOU to everyone who made it to the very end!

Thank you in advance for every thought, word, and suggestion. 🙂

Honestly, I think the issue lies with the whole group, not just that lady. They’ve collectively decided to take her side, and when things get like this, someone always tries to stand out by playing favorites... which usually means working against you. There’s really no point in trying to be their "pal."

It’s also inevitable that people feel a certain amount of jealousy and resentment in these situations. To them, you’re the "outsider" who somehow landed a better position than they have.
Between current life stressors and extra personal baggage, people at work tend to snap at each other without hesitation. Everyone needs an outlet for their frustration...

As long as their behavior hasn't messed with your relationship with the CEO regarding your job security, don't overthink it.

Respect is earned through consistency over time. My advice? Dial back the communication and openness. Be polite, but keep it measured. You're there to do your job, so just be a professional. Keep conversations surface-level. The less personal info you give them, the better—it gives them nothing to twist or pass along behind your back.
Just maintain a pleasant distance.

If I were you, I’d avoid any conflict with that woman at all costs. It’s too easy to end up looking like the aggressor.
Since you're the new person (and clearly the unwelcome one), standing out like that is risky. It hits much harder on a newcomer than it would on a veteran who everyone is already used to.

Just accept that she doesn't exactly like you, she is who she is, and buckle down with some patience.
Keep your talks with her strictly professional and very brief. No emotions involved. If you're her superior, act like it, but stay as polite as possible. You don't want to give her more reasons to hate you, and I doubt you want to stoop to her level. It would be smart to look busy regardless of how relaxed things actually are... find something to focus on just so they don't have any ammunition to talk about.

It’s not stupid at all, and honestly, what you’re going through isn't even normal.
You need to worry about your own health, not how someone else might interpret things.
Go see a doctor.

Drew Rogers3 said:Hey there,

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve tried to fix my sleep schedule, but honestly... total failure. It’s 9:00 AM right now and I haven't slept a wink because I caught some sudden wave of "inspiration" in the middle of the night. I can't even tell you how often this happens, but "frequently" feels like an understatement at this point. I figured I’d start this thread because maybe there are some kindred spirits out there dealing with this weirdness too. To put it bluntly, during the day, I’m basically a zombie. I'm just kind of drifting through life... taking notes on things, observing stuff, using whatever mental autopilot keeps me upright, but I don't really know what's going on inside my head. My memory is shot, too—I forget everything almost immediately, which is wild considering I'm not exactly a kid anymore. I wake up, shower, grab food, run errands, maybe meet someone, and that's about it. My days feel incredibly hollow, even when I try to pack them with stuff to do. It’s like one single, repetitive loop playing in my brain until the sun goes down. But then nighttime hits and everything shifts. I can't sleep, and suddenly it feels like I could conquer the world. I get this urge to play music, but of course, my neighbors are sleeping. I want to head out, but I don't want to be that guy pounding on the door or making noise and waking everyone up. So I settle for quieter things... writing, reading, practicing a new language, a million other things. I’ve even tried studying at night since daytime is impossible for me (I swear I retain twice, maybe three times as much info when it's dark out). The sad part is, I actually *do* get these things done, but once I finally pass out and wake up, it’s like it never happened. It’s like I slept through the whole productive session instead of working. The day just rolls on like I had a perfectly normal night's rest. Same people, same neighborhood (don't get me wrong, it's a nice area, just a routine), same old thing. I wouldn't say I'm "waiting for the night," because night is supposed to be for dreaming and resting, and I just can't do that. No matter how many alarms I set for 7:00 AM, they don't work. Last week, I went to bed around 1:00 AM and didn't crawl out from under the covers until 2:00 PM... I still had the energy to keep sleeping, but I didn't want to let the whole day slip away for nothing. Anyone else out there living like this? Any fellow night owls? Have you ever felt totally wired despite barely sleeping? Or has anyone actually managed to flip that "inspiration" switch from nighttime to daytime?

From what you're saying, it sounds like there's zero payoff for that "midnight inspiration" phase.

You've just conditioned yourself to function this way, but sticking to a habit like that isn't healthy. It puts a massive amount of stress on your body...

You're going to need some serious motivation to flip your schedule around. You need to build a routine where work and life force you to get up and go to bed at actual, normal hours. Right now, you're too flexible with your free time... you're just letting everything slide.

casualridge8 said:Freud once suggested that the guilt felt by younger generations toward their elders would become one of our greatest future struggles. It’s this heavy sense of debt because we live better lives, possess more, and chase our own versions of happiness. I think he hit the nail on the head.

My own guilt feels much more grounded, much more personal. I’m living 25 miles supported by my parents while trying to carve out a life of my own. But I feel terrible. I feel guilty for leaving them behind when they are "old and frail"—which isn't even entirely true, since they used to be quite selfish and difficult—but the feeling persists regardless. Sometimes, I feel guilty just for being alive, or for not "trudging through two feet of snow just to put food on your table," as my father used to say.

How do you all deal with this kind of guilt, if you experience it at all? How do you let it go?
Logically, I know it isn't justified. Rationally, I understand that. And yet, I just can't shake this feeling...

That’s a pretty broad theory, though the struggles are always personal. You won't find an answer to your specific situation by looking at such a big picture.

My own guilt feels much more grounded. I live 25 miles supported by my parents, trying to build a life for myself, but I feel terrible for leaving them behind when they're "old and sick." That isn't even entirely true—they used to be quite mean and selfish—but the guilt is still there. Sometimes I just feel guilty for being alive and not, you know, "trudging through two feet of snow just to put food on your table," as my dad used to say.

How do you deal with that kind of guilt, if you feel it? How do you let it go?
Logically, I know it isn't justified, but I just can't shake the feeling anymore...

There's a specific dynamic that develops when parents treat their children poorly. The child ends up taking on all the responsibility—this heavy sense of duty toward the parents.
If someone belittles you and blames you long enough, you start to believe them. If they force guilt onto you, you're going to feel guilty.
If you had a healthy relationship with your parents, there wouldn't be any guilt. Just mutual support.

Dealing with that feeling only happens after you settle the emotional "debts" we owe to ourselves and to them.
All those underlying issues we aren't even aware of yet...

Brandon Lopez6 said:I’m starting this thread because I don't really mind talking about it 😁.

I have a sooo lovely 🙂 OB/GYN who doesn't think my missed periods are some huge red flag, so I ended up doing zero—and I mean ZERO—tests 😁.

I deal with nasty PCOS, though I don't have many physical symptoms. Honestly, the only thing is the lack of periods and a brief stint where I had some extra hair growth under my eyes (🤣).

Regarding what you asked about earlier—I get pretty frequent headaches. They just hit me out of nowhere about two years ago; before that, I didn't even know what "having a headache" meant unless I actually banged my head against something 😬. In fact, I have one right now (I'm on the pill and have two left in the pack). It feels like this constant pressure above my right eye. It isn't throbbing or getting worse, but it isn't letting up either. It started this morning around 8:00; I slept in for a few hours, but when I woke up, the pain was still exactly the same intensity.

I also have astigmatism and vision issues, plus I deal with bouts of derealization and depersonalization quite often. With the latter, it’s more like my surroundings look distorted rather than me feeling like a different person—when that happens, I can't really look at someone or focus on a TV or my laptop
.
I think that covers everything you wanted to know 🤔.

Headaches can definitely be a side effect of those hormone pills you're taking. Especially since they seemed to show up so suddenly.

Brandon Lopez6 said:I’m basically just a walking, talking bundle of medical issues. 😬As far as the female stuff goes, I’m mostly just dealing with cysts and this super thin endometrium. I think my OBGYN mentioned last time that it’s sitting at about 0.8 inches, but it really needs to be closer to 2.5 inches or more before my period actually kicks in. The weird thing is, every single time I go in for an exam, it stays exactly the same—stuck right around that 0.8 to 1.2-inch mark.

Weight... my gynecologist used to cling to that like a drunk on a street corner. She was always blaming my missed periods on me being too thin back in middle school—I was barely 100 pounds at 5'4" since I stopped growing early and just stayed that way. But here's the kicker: the periods didn't come back even after I gained weight. Now I’m sitting at around 120 pounds and I honestly hate every single extra ounce. 😬.

Anyway, I’m not—and never have been—into guys. It feels kind of stupid even typing that out. 🙈Alright, look, I’ve got a womanly body—curves and all that jazz. It's not like I was some scrawny dude growing up.

I'm on the pill right now—it’s pretty much the only thing my OBGYN prescribes. Other doctors I've seen, like my specialists, suggested I should probably get some specific tests done, but since they don't write the referrals for that stuff, I'll just have to pay out of pocket.

You really shouldn't start hormone therapy without getting blood work done first. Those things aren't exactly harmless...
You should also take a break from them for at least six months every couple of years.

If your OB-GYN won't order the blood tests, honestly, it might be time to find a new doctor.
Prescribing medication blindly without checking your hormone levels is just wrong.
Plus, leaving amenorrhea untreated isn't good for you either.

You're young... there's no reason to cause unnecessary damage when you can avoid it.

crimsonmoose3 said:I'm not sure if this is the right thread for this. If the moderators think it belongs elsewhere, feel free to move it.

I need some perspective here. My brother is 30, but mentally he’s stuck at 13, if not older. According to his diagnosis, he’s autistic, has an intellectual disability, and is deaf-mute. It’s all due to a genetic mutation he was born with. When we were kids, we actually got along, despite the usual sibling bickering. Once I hit high school, his condition didn't bother me as much; I had grown used to his behavior over the years—the constant bragging that he was better than me, the teasing, and things like that. We still hung out and played together. But after high school, during a long stretch when I was unemployed, things shifted. He became exhausting to be around, and physical altercations started happening frequently. Most of them were triggered by me, because he would never just attack someone out of nowhere unless he felt he was defending himself.
Once I finally landed a job, I moved into my own room so I wouldn't have to share space with him anymore. His habits are impossible—he'll stay up until 1:00 AM glued to his computer while I have to be up at 5:00 AM for work. Over the years, I've drifted away from him emotionally. It is draining to listen to his daily obsessions with bodily fluids and filth, or his constant talk about women, followed by him spiraling when he develops a crush only to have the girl move away or get pregnant. One time, he just snapped, and it nearly ended in a tragedy within our family; he’s been on medication for years since then. Now, it’s the same routine every day, and he's getting lazier. He won't even take a plate to the sink; he just leaves it there. He's messy, to say the least. I eventually got into huge arguments with my parents regarding how he was being raised, and eventually, I just gave up.

As time goes on, I can't help but feel that my brother will simply become a lifelong burden. My parents want me to be the one to look after him, even though my only opinion is that he should be placed in a specialized care facility. They lose their minds when I suggest that, so I don't bring it up anymore. But now, as I start planning a serious life for myself, I realize that if the time comes when I have to introduce my partner to my parents or to her personally, I just won't feel "comfortable." To be honest, I feel embarrassed by how he behaves in public, at the dinner table, and everything else. The only thing I don't feel ashamed of is his obsession with hygiene, which is equally intense.

I don't hang out with him anymore. We don't communicate—well, he doesn't speak, he uses sign language—and I don't really "experience" him as a person anymore. There is just coldness. I find myself thinking that if he ever had to live with us, he would be a constant weight on my shoulders; I can already imagine the chaos and the stress. Besides, he can't be left home alone without supervision for a single day. And given my current work situation, it seems like a professional facility is the only real option.

My parents have always prioritized him over me, giving him special treatment and putting up with everything, naturally. So, should I feel guilty for simply wanting him to be in a facility where he can actually receive proper care? When I ask others about this, plenty of "smart" people judge me, asking how I could do such a thing or why I won't step up to care for him. None of them actually know what it's like to live with someone like him...

Based on what you wrote, your parents were pretty unfair and clearly didn't show you much care. That’s just not right...
And you're their kid.

Don't let people judging you get under your skin. Nobody knows what it's actually like to be in your shoes, and most people have no clue how hard it is to live with someone in that situation.
People with mental disabilities need routine and structure to stay "under control." It keeps things from escalating. It helps them function better in society, too.
Nobody is rejecting or discriminating against them by treating them according to their limitations.
I mean, we don't treat a toddler like an adult, right? We aren't going to let them play with sharp knives or anything...
Or if someone is an amputee, we aren't going to ask them to run a marathon.

People tend to jump to conclusions in cases like this, not realizing that treating someone as if they're "normal" can actually be unhelpful.

From what you've shared, your parents are handling this wrong. And honestly, it's hurting both him and your future.

If you decide to start a family of your own one day, your brother could become a major burden—if his behavior keeps getting worse. Not to be grim, but because of this lack of discipline now, things might get harder later. You won't feel comfortable leaving your kids around him. Who knows how he'll get along with your future wife? Between the mental health side of things and his struggle with impulse control... there could be real issues.

As for facilities, there are plenty of great places out there that offer tons of activities and help him fit in with people like him. He doesn't necessarily need a hospital setting.
Something more like this: http://www.brightfutures-center.org/

There are solutions where he won't feel abandoned, and you won't feel like you've turned your back on him. It's the only way you'll both actually have a decent quality of life.

Elizabeth Barrett7 said:...

The part that really sticks out is that even though they "diagnosed" a malignant tumor (with metastases, no less), they aren't scheduling any follow-up treatment until October 14th.
What's the point of waiting like that? 🤷

If I were you, I'd be looking for a second opinion and getting those tests done immediately.