Posts by restlessmarlin6

That’s it. It's over. 🙂

I don't mean that literally, it's more like... in my head, 🙏
One step forward. 👍 I feel so strong... 🙂

Sophia Williams said:According to Karen Horney, that hyper-critical personality type actually falls under what's called the anal type. I’d definitely suggest picking up her book, "The Neurotic Personality of Our Time." Honestly, looking at those sadistic traits, they seem pretty much in line with what was being described here.

Finally, I think I've found something that actually gets close to the answer I was hunting for. 👋 Thank you, thank you, thank you! 😉

granitesailor33 said:Exactly, and don't even get me started on how elastic his skin is. My boyfriend is Black, and honestly, he’s got a backside that words just can't do justice—plus his skin is so incredibly elastic, it's unreal. I mean, because I'm such an amazing cook, he’s picked up a little bit of a belly, but since his skin is so stretchy, you can't even really grab it or tell there's extra weight there.
And that woman from the movie you mentioned? She was just born with those curves; it's not like you can just manifest a chest or hips out of thin air. It's totally unrealistic to expect that doing some basic floor exercises is going to transform your butt overnight, though it can happen if you're actually putting in the grueling work.
I've been working out for a year now, but I only started training intensely about three months ago—like, every other day, sometimes even two days in a row for two or two and a half hours at a time—and man, can you see the results. I'm most impressed with my stomach; it's gotten so firm that I can actually see my abs starting to show. But I have to mention, I spend at least thirty minutes specifically on core work, mostly various crunches, plus I run and bike for about 40 minutes total to burn off the fat.
Look, you can achieve anything, you just can't quit. I used to be the queen of making excuses to avoid the gym, but now I can't live without it. I've always been slim, but my body felt sort of... unconditioned, I guess? And what I've achieved so far is actually pretty awesome.

That is seriously motivating, bravo granitesailor33 👍 Way to go!

Patagonija said:Speaking of phobias and ordering pizza... does anyone else get major anxiety when the delivery driver shows up?? 😳

It’s honestly such a drag because I can't just have them slide the box under my door and vanish; I actually have to, you know, interact with a human being. 😱

This whole thing seriously gets on my nerves! 😠 I mean, obviously, once I order food, hunger usually wins out over the anxiety, but still... 😢

p.s. I don't mind mail carriers at all. 😕

I went through a phase where I felt pretty awkward about that too. But I eventually got used to it, especially since we tend to order from the same local pizzeria all the time—we basically know the guy by now, he knows us, it's all very routine. 👍

Anyway, imagine if I had a phobia of phones? Back when I was working in my field, I was practically glued to it. 😬 Man, you wouldn't believe some of the stuff I overheard. 😲

Keep the stories coming, this is actually pretty interesting to read. 🙂

I’m definitely voting for those miniature, firm pillows 👍

Mine is actually huge, but I always end up rolling it up tight at the edge just so I can sleep on that little chunk 🙂

My Top 5 absolute favorite subjects:

1. Art class back in elementary school
2. Art History in high school
3. English
4. Psychology
5. Sociology
BONUS: 6. History

Carol Jackson45 said:😍 😍 😍

The absolute worst PE drills:

The 5th field
The 4th field with those annoying hurdles
The 3rd field with the hurdles and the heavy equipment (that massive obstacle)
The 2nd field out in the open sun
The 1st field right outside the ground-floor classrooms while people are actually trying to study😲

Honestly, I didn't hate gym class that much, but some of those specific things... just NOPE. Absolute nightmare fuel. 🙂

My Top 5 Pasta Shapes🙂

1. Fusilli
2. Farfalle
3. Penne
4. Shells
5. Spaghetti

vividtiger7 said:Believe me, I was genuinely blindsided by it. I honestly had no idea what I’d done so wrong; and even if I had, I would have apologized and expected us to work through it eventually—I mean, we used to be such close friends.

On top of that, I felt so humiliated because she (of course) totally threw me under the bus (with a mountain of criticism, shouted loud enough for everyone to hear) right in front of the whole group, nearly made me cry, and then made this huge dramatic exit from the room....
For a while after that, I actually found myself wondering if she really had cut me out of her life for good, or if it was all just some big performance for the crowd...

👋

Hmmm.. well, that's exactly what I'm chewing on—some statement from you that seems totally harmless might sound incredibly heavy to her. 😲

I bet that everything bothering me about my friend wouldn't even register as a minor issue to her... She’d probably just label me as crazy if I tried to explain it to her. 😁 Maybe I will one day.

Anyway, it all boils down to the fact that maybe it's better if you don't see each other anymore since you clearly just don't get each other... There are people I hang out with where I don't end up in these kinds of clashes, and I don't walk away feeling terrible or suffocated after grabbing coffee or hanging out.

Regarding your friend—maybe it *was* an act? It's possible, and you know her, so you can tell if that's her style. Still, to me, her reaction doesn't seem particularly sane, if nothing else; I mean, you know who the stable one is in this whole situation. 🙂

vividtiger7 said:Basically, there was this one time I mentioned something about her at—obviously—the worst possible moment, like, in front of the wrong crowd. And look, I wasn't being malicious or anything; I didn't say anything mean or even factually incorrect. But she just shut me down instantly, claiming that "she has absolutely no idea who I really am" and that "we just can't hang out anymore." 😲

Sounds all too familiar 🙂
I have a feeling my story is going to end up exactly the same way. So, I’m avoiding her, I’m not reaching out, and I’m just spending my time with people who actually deserve it right now. It wouldn't even be surprising if she eventually cuts me off 🙂 If she hasn't already? 🤔 😁

And you know what? Even if that happens, I’ll honestly feel a sense of relief 🙂 In a way.

Tristram, isn't that just such a shitty feeling?? You spend all this time walking on eggshells and accommodating them, only to end up being cast as the villain in the end??? 🤣

Truthfully, I've spent so much time wondering if I’m actually as perfect as I think I am... and I've decided that in my own world, I am. Maybe not in hers, but I matter more to myself, so... I think I've come out on top. 🙂

Can you explain what you mean? 🙂

Larry Cruz51 said:Just tell her straight up—tell her everything she does that gets under your skin.
I mean, how can you actually expect someone to change or even realize they have a flaw if nobody ever calls them out on it?

She’ll probably stick her chin up, swallow her pride, get all defensive, and start criticizing you... and then boom, there you go! Once she starts acting like you don't even have a right to speak, call her out on that immediately.
If she actually takes a step back and stops being so relentless, don't you dare take back what you said just to apologize. Instead, tell her exactly how you feel every single time you deal with her like this.
Maybe she'll finally get it.
Twice.
Once for one person, and once for another.

I totally agree with you, and honestly, I'm owning that as a huge mistake on my part. Most people I'm close to can handle me being blunt, but with her, it was always a struggle. I don't think it's really about me or her specifically; it's just—that's just how it is.

Thanks for the deep dive, 👍 it might actually work. Though, I think she definitely realizes by now that keeping some distance is probably the smartest move. She's smart, so I wasn't really expecting her not to catch on.

Niobe said:lol spike, look, it’s not even about whether I know how to fix it or if I actually can 😉
I was just making an observation about how some people just dive headfirst into arguments or feel this desperate need to explain themselves when they really don't need to at all in their lives 😉

Yeah, that’s exactly how I used to play it..
used to play it..
used to play it...

for a long time.

But now? I just can't. 🙂 It'll literally kill you, whether you want it to or not..

I mean, I tell myself, "Whatever, I'll just let her be, it's not worth the energy"... And then you just let it go, and let it go, and let her keep talking trash and criticizing, and eventually, the whole thing just drives you absolutely insane.

Niobe said:I also don't feel any need to point out to people that their chest is too small or their butt is too big, unless they directly ask for my opinion—because honestly, anyone can spout that kind of nonsense. But people actually do it; they think they have the right to shove their "flaws" in everyone else's faces just to act like some big shot in front of the group at the local pub.

That’s exactly what I’m talking about 👍

Well, it’s not just in front of the group, it’s probably even in front of herself, I guess 🙄

In my case, this woman loves airing dirty laundry in front of others. Every time I walk into a room full of her friends, everyone already has an opinion on me—usually a negative one. I know this because I hear how she talks about other people.

And don't even get me started on the total lack of respect she has for me and the choices I make. It's just constant criticism, criticism, criticism... trying to fix my life, making judgments based purely on her own gut feeling, being so incredibly blunt and categorical... ugh, god... And then I think to myself, man, if this person were actually a close friend, maybe I could overlook it all, but since she isn't, why should I deal with it???

And she keeps calling me. Seriously, she’s reached out a few times now, and I can't keep making up excuses forever. She’s already starting to figure things out because she’s been asking around about me with other people, too. I know, you guys are going to tell me I should just be blunt with her, but I can't, because I really don't believe anyone deserves to hear something like, "Look, stop calling me, I don't want us to hang out this much anymore." I don't want to cut her out of my life entirely, but rather—again, I repeat—I want her to hopefully realize, without too much drama, that we aren't actually close friends, because we aren't. And yeah, I definitely don't want to be the target of her "designer whims" 🙄 And I want to do all of this without bruising anyone's ego 😁

That's why I'm asking about the psychology behind critics and judges, hoping it might help me figure out the right way to handle this.

You absolute menace, I’m actually following your advice, but honestly, I have no idea how much longer I can keep this up.

The thing is, if this person were my boyfriend, I’d just dump him and be done with it, but since it's... well, how do you even handle this?

My issue is that I’ve never really put this relationship on a pedestal. I’ve always been pretty indifferent, never really opening up... I thought we were just on some vague "friends" level, but she was never actually a close friend to me—and there aren't many of those, since I’m not really the type who clicks deeply with a huge crowd. She always seemed to be pushing herself on me, demanding more than I’m ever willing to give. And yeah, okay, maybe I played my part by letting way too many things slide instead of speaking up when I should have, but she constantly acts like she’s entitled to comment on and fix my life. She takes it upon herself to judge me when she doesn't even know me at all... Honestly, I don't even know how I let myself get stuck in this mess.

And of course, if I just cut her off now, I’ll end up being labeled the "good friend who totally screwed over poor little her." Seriously, I have no clue how to demote her a few notches back to where she belongs without making it a whole thing...

Has anyone here ever actually "broken up" with a friend or an acquaintance? 🙂

It’s so much easier when people actually act according to how they feel... For me, I can usually tell exactly where someone stands in my eyes—who I've moved past the acquaintance stage with and who is still just a face in the crowd. Any sane person would feel that distinction.

P.S. jimmy, you are seriously getting on my nerves 😁

Hmm... let's say you consider yourselves friends. Or at least, he thinks you are, while you’re actually just looking for a way to scale back the hours you spend hanging out together. 🙂

Of course, if you decide to just blow him off brutally or suddenly go ghost, you run the risk of him—given how much of a critic he is—going out of his way to trash your reputation in front of a whole crowd of people you definitely don't want to be on bad terms with.

What kind of person actually feels this constant, nagging need to criticize everything and everyone?

Let’s skip that tired old cliché about people projecting their own flaws onto others—this is different. This is about someone who just *has* to voice these grand, sweeping judgments on topics they don't even understand. Honestly, you could probably question their actual competence, too.

Talking to them is just exhausting because you constantly feel like you're being audited or forced to meet some impossible standard.
They always seem to have the ultimate answer for everything.

So, what makes them tick? What kind of mindset are we dealing with here?

And more importantly, how do you even deal with them?

Thanks 🙂

Dead Carrot said:Unfortunately, these idiots are stuck in the 19th century. They basically claimed everything after Gust went south was total garbage, so they just retreated back to their medieval roots.🙄

Peak 😂

Something along the lines of those weird Amish types😁

My Top 3 most polarizing 😬 music genres:

1. Italo-disco
2. German techno
3. Swedish pop

Kevin Chavez3:

My Top 5 absolute trash wines:

Or basically, wines you can drink while sitting on the toilet 😁

0. George (white, $3.25)
1. Napa Valley basic blend
2. Cheap Merlot
3. California Red
4. Budget Chardonnay
5. Whatever they serve at that local winery in Brooklyn$4.00