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I spend most of my time online listening to music. I'll pop onto Facebook to see if there's anyone interesting in the chats, or maybe drift over to a forum when I'm just feeling bored.
I’m also terminally ill. There are still years of agony ahead of me, provided I don't succumb to some sudden accident first. I’ve been thinking about suicide—specifically, how I might actually enjoy life and experience it a little before I depart this world. I have some savings sitting in my bank account. It’s possible I’ll try using heroin for a few months until my funds run dry, and then simply overdose. 😍
I have a strange thing about monuments. It’s weird, but true.🙄
Take Richard Ramirez, for example.🙂
Madness is reserved for those experiencing psychosis. Then there’s borderline personality disorder—is that just being halfway to losing it? ☕
fadedbear92 said:Has anyone here tried using Tegretol as a mood stabilizer?
thx🙏
Yeah, I take it for borderline ☕
swifthawk23 said:For me, it’s always been about three things—love, sex, and the written word. That’s where I find any real sense of purpose in this life.
👍
Generally speaking, isn't the point just to live as long and as well as possible? 👍🥳
I was genuinely stunned today. 😢 I went to see my psychiatrist and laid everything out—how the suicidal thoughts are following me around 24/7. His response? He just asked which medication I wanted to take. I mean, what am I, his doctor? Am I supposed to know which one fits? We eventually settled on Faverin since it’s the only one left on my list, so he wrote that down. Then he had the nerve to ask what else I wanted for calming down. I told him Ativan. He asks if I meant the 5mg dose. I said no, the 10mg (because, honestly, that's the dose I'm aiming for to end it all). He just goes, "Ah, okay, 10mg. What else do you need?" Are you kidding me? Is this some kind of joke at the clinic?
To top it off, I finally asked him to just tell me what my diagnosis actually is, because I can't stop thinking about suicide. He just shrugs and says, "Come on, I've told you this a dozen times, you have Borderline Personality Disorder." I asked what that actually means. He tells me, "It means you are who you are—an incredibly immature person who struggles and tends toward self-destruction." Oh, wow. Thanks for that. Much appreciated. 🙂☕
granitefalcon26 said:
That is honestly pretty scary. You're playing a dangerous game here. Are you trying to end it all? The recommended dose is 10 mg for really bad insomnia. In extreme cases, maybe 15—definitely no more than 20 mg.
If you took six 5 mg pills, that’s 30 mg of Ambien. I really hope you didn't take six 10 mg ones. That would be 60 mg.😲😲😲
You could seriously wreck your liver. You could even face heart or breathing failure in your sleep. 😲
Yeah, I did. Honestly, I couldn't care less about my liver or heart failure. 😬
And I wasn't trying to kill myself; if that were the case, I would have taken a lot more.
fadedbear92 said:fadedbear92, what have you been up to lately? How’s everything going?
Thanks for asking. 🙂
I started on Xanax. For sleep, I've been using Melatonin. As for the antidepressants, I decided to stay put until I can see a psychiatrist. My thoughts aren't quite as dark anymore—likely thanks to the Xanax. I even took 6 Melatonin last night.😍
dustyangler2 said:It’s wild, but after two months on Albert (Viagra), I’m feeling zero effect. I don't know, maybe I'm just built different or something? 😁 Everyone keeps saying this stuff is the greatest for anxiety🤷
Personally, I find it to be a pretty weak antidepressant. It had zero effect on me either..
Christian Richardson9 said:I don't know, honey—I honestly surprised even myself by how much I actually survived that whole mess. It was brutal, seriously, believe me when I say it was absolute chaos. But look, whatever you need, I’ve got your back. Just hang in there. If you want, shoot me your number in a DM and we can talk. Hang tough, girl—you only have a few more days to go. 🙂
Thanks, but I think I'll just head to my primary care doctor to see about getting prescriptions for Xanax, Natalie, and Ambien. That might help stabilize things. We'll see what she thinks.
velvetsailor26 said:Look, man, if I’m reading your posts here correctly, you’ve already stared down the abyss a hundred times before. You’ve survived enough mental collapses to know how this works, so there's no reason to think you won't pull yourself out of this rut too.
No. Not in this state. I can't just sit here if I don't do something, but I have no idea what that is. I couldn't even manage to get up for my psychiatrist today.🙄
Christian Richardson9 said:The first 30 days or so are always a total grind—it gets significantly better after that, I promise. Just hang in there...
Do you actually think I can survive thirty damn days feeling like this? 🙂
wiredfalcon21 said:Let's not be overly dramatic here. If someone actually intended to end their life, they wouldn't be sitting there typing on a forum.☕
This provides excellent motivation for my master plan. Thanks. 😁
Daniel Wilson5 said:If you are under 25, get yourself to the Emergency Room right now. Seriously, immediately!!!!! It's been clinically proven that antidepressants can trigger suicidal urges in younger people, so don't mess around with this. How old are you?????
I'm 23, but I'm not in New York. I don't feel like killing myself today despite being in a deep depression, so it doesn't feel quite that urgent. But tomorrow? Maybe. I think I'll head to my psychiatrist in the morning to see about getting different sedatives.
Please help. I took my antidepressant today and now suicide is the only thing on my mind. I don't see any way out if these meds are actually driving me toward this. No matter what I try to do, I can't shake the thought; it’s stronger than I am. I don't think I've ever been this depressed in my life. Everything seemed fine yesterday—I wasn't thinking about this nearly as much. If this continues, I'm afraid I won't make it. Is there an alternative, or is this just how it ends?
boldjackal10 said:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZZbM_b8lgs
What are you even talking about?
boldjackal10 said:Look at her, snorting stuff again and thinking she can just act like nothing happened. Not happening.😁
Is it just me? By the way, it's cheaper and easier when you have a prescription. ☕
Brian Cruz2 said:Does anyone know of something similar to Lexapro or Ativan that I can just grab over the counter? Looking for something to take the edge off without needing a prescription—any suggestions? Cheers!
You can't. And why is getting a prescription such an issue?