Or whatever they decided to call him this time... Vigilante Cop.
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Just a heads up, the movie hits theaters at 1:45 AM next Tuesday. A real prime-time slot.
P.S.
This is that old '89 version of The Punisher starring Dolph Lundgren. Don't let anyone trick you into thinking this is some modern cinematic masterpiece.
Like I said, it's from '89—easily one of the best years for movies. If you don't know, the Punisher is basically a fascist take on Batman who decided to spend the rest of his life hunting down anyone with an Italian accent living in New York City. They throw some ninjas into the mix too, but since the Punisher isn't a bigot, he takes them out just the same.
The stats show that Dolph kills over 180 criminals in this flick. Honestly, after James Bond, he’s probably the bloodiest actor in history.
Douglas Barnes13 said:The comic works because it gives us a protagonist who isn't some spandex-clad Masters of the Universe type with god-like powers. He’s a psychologically broken man who, in today's politically correct climate, would be blamed for his methods. Plus, he carries a constant death wish and doesn't pretend to be some shining knight in white armor.
rapidstag74 said:Typical male logic—and completely wrong at that. It’s funny how every woman thinks she can take some wild, reckless one-night-stand rocker and turn him into a little lapdog who will love nothing but her, stay loyal forever, and carry her shopping bags... even though he acts all tough to the world and breaks anyone else's head who gets too close. You know the drill: "I need a real man, someone solid as a rock, someone to protect me and fight my battles..."
Even if you're calling me out for "typical male logic," my point was actually that *everyone*—men and women alike—is powerless against the sheer magnetism of hair metal.
Leonardo DiCaprio said:Even though everyone knows they’re terrible, actors like Steven Seagal and Christopher Lambert still have this magnetic pull on the screen for me.
Whoa, don't you dare group Stevie in with Lambert. Stevie actually knows how to fight...
Post both posters so we can actually compare them. 😁
I couldn't find this second poster in its entirety—specifically the one with those cardboard cutouts—even though I remember seeing it in an old issue of "Hollywood."
I sat through that movie and it was mind-numbingly dull, even factoring in the lineup (Daryl Hannah, Wonder Woman Daryl Hannah, etc.).
The issue is that it’s a remake. It feels like it's trying too hard to be *bad*, and that's a losing game. The only redeeming quality is the poster. It features a giant Daryl Hannah in the background, with people running and screaming in the foreground—except they aren't even people, just cardboard cut-outs lifted from those old-school monster movie posters.
Still, the original film's poster remains superior. A classic.
casualotter21 said:We were just saying Monica Bellucci would be perfect for the role. She’s stunning and a great actress. Honestly, just put Monica Bellucci in some rags, smear some mud on her face, and half the guys out there will be swooning the moment she hits the screen.
If Monica's face can't launch my little 4-foot dinghy, it certainly isn't launching a fleet of 1,000 ships.
Watched the movie yesterday. It left me feeling indifferent, even though if you look closely, this version is actually more historically accurate than Homer's. 😁The idea that the entire Greek army wasted ten years outside Troy while shepherds, women, and children were left to defend Greece just seems idiotic.
The film wasn't exactly boring, but it wasn't exactly a knockout either—nothing to make you jump out of your seat with brilliant scenes. Honestly, it could have easily run for 18 hours instead of 3 and I would’ve just sat there watching like I was scrolling through some random website. I wouldn't have been bored, but I wouldn't have been on the edge of my seat, either. Just zombie-fied.
Achilles is the best character in the film, followed by Odysseus. The worst is Priam. He's incredibly dim-witted, taking advice from some guy who says things like, "Apollo is angry, we must attack" (because apparently, if you know military strategy, you're just some religious fanatic with a stupid beard). He doesn't even blink once during the whole movie. He even died with his eyes wide open. And the acting? Stiff and expressionless. Give this man an Oscar. Actually, make it two. One for each eye. Hector and even Paris have more sense than that obviously senile old man. This blitzkrieg would have ended much better if he had listened to them instead of that Jehovah's Witness type.
The fight between Achilles and Hector was top-tier.
Of course, they had to sweeten the ending, so Andromache, the baby, Helen, Paris, and Bris all escape. I suppose Hollywood would have spontaneously combusted if the film had ended with Hector's child being a stain in front of the walls of Troy.
The strongest scene for me was when Odysseus comes for Achilles, and that final shot where it's Achilles, Patroclus, and then Odysseus behind them, followed by that super fast zoom on Odysseus saying something about how this war will be remembered. That zoom reminded me of those oh-so-80s kung-fu movies with Cynthia Rostock (or something) that were packed with zooms like that, which even happen occasionally in Greece. You can tell Wolfgang knows his stuff.
fadedsailor932 said:...supposedly George W. Bush came up with the plan to invade Iraq while watching Godzilla...Did anyone else notice the sheer bloodlust in Godzilla's eyes? It's identical to the look in the eyes of Osama bin Laden and Saddam..😁
George W.: "Donald, I watched this German documentary last night and a brilliant idea just hit me."
Donald: "Uh-oh."
George W.: "I think we should nuke Hawaii to trigger some kind of lizard mutation into a 90-meter monster. Then, you and I can use ancient voodoo magic to control it and deploy it against Iraq. Victory will be ours, let's go call Tony."
casualotter21 said:I don't see the issue. Achilles was basically an immortal, Superman-style demigod. Just like all the other Greek and Trojan heroes, you had gods hovering overhead, raining down curses and lightning bolts on his enemies. Once you account for that, whether his hair color is historically accurate becomes a completely trivial detail.
Except there aren't any gods in this movie. What are they going to do with that scene where Achilles' mother rises out of the ocean—maybe she just went for a swim—and he rests his head on her chest (please tell me they cast someone with serious curves) while complaining about how he hasn't crushed anyone's skull in two hours? It’s going to look pretty absurd.
Wall said:Come on, cowboys, rangers, and all you other little boys (what does he mean by ranger? Is he talking about getting screwed or getting shot in the back?)
Let’s go play with Indians at home—why bother with this stuff with some romanticized medieval movie... there isn't any real gunfighting here.
"He's" starts with a capital letter. Do you even know how to handle basic grammar? You don't even know the fundamentals, yet you have the nerve to post here on Movie Forum. I actually thought about meeting you one day and seeing if there was any spark, but given your complete lack of education, that's officially off the table.
As for "Our Lady of the Falcon," the last time I checked, that movie sucks harder than a cheap hooker in a dark alley behind a club while some guy in "Miami Vice" plays a synth track over bad disco music*.
*It’s redundant to say "bad disco music"—it goes without saying.
