Posts by driftingcanyon16

You explained that perfectly👍—I totally see where you're coming from. Honestly, I think grandparents and in-laws shouldn't have much else to do with the baby besides dropping by for a quick coffee, getting some snuggles in, and then heading home—at least during this immediate postpartum phase. If they really feel like being helpful, sure, they can bring over some takeout or a meal... but I really believe parents should be able to handle things on their own, because at the end of the day, it’s their baby.
Of course, it's a different story if your husband can't get away from work, if there's an unexpected bill to pay, or if you're just tight on cash... obviously, you adapt to those situations.

Nicholas Kelly said:And what about us? Are we really going back to the old house just because it’s bigger than this one? Seriously, what is the logic there???
Moving from wide-open spaces and fresh air straight into the heart of a crowded city, surrounded by a swarm of people, nosy neighbors, and constant noise, all because the square footage is higher? I mean, is my baby planning to run a full marathon through the living room or something? That's the only reason anyone would make that trade. 🤣

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I'm not quite sure how deep in the wilderness you are right now, but have you thought about daycare or schools? I'm assuming there's some stuff nearby, right?

silentnomad8 said:I don't get why you won't eat salad even at home. Just wash it better than usual and move on.

Nothing is bothering me right now. I'm feeling pretty chill. 😎

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Speaking of which... I actually think organic produce can be a bigger risk sometimes, especially things like sprouts—which show up in veggie burgers all the time—when it comes to bacterial contamination. I mean, if they're using animal manure as fertilizer? I'm pretty sure there are studies out there pointing to that. Plus, products from smaller farms or local cooperatives might not have such strict oversight, and if there are cats wandering around the fields, you've got a real chance of dealing with toxoplasmosis. There isn't much you can do about that part, really... it's just a bit of luck.

My own rule of thumb is just to wash everything well, like, multiple times. And stay away from raw meat or unpasteurized milk—though honestly, it’s so hard to find those at a place like Walmart these days, unless you're buying from someone out in the countryside or something. Even then...

Honestly, I’ve been feeling pretty unbothered lately. Nothing really gets under my skin—not even the comments or someone touching my stomach... just those typical hormonal shifts doing their thing. I have my little emotional outbursts here and there, usually directed at my boyfriend, but that's about it. I used to get so annoyed by people who overcomplicate everything—you know, those moms with all their intense theories and ideas, acting like if they don't feed their kids some superfood diet or enroll them in specialized enrichment programs, they won't turn out to be geniuses 🙂 But even that isn't really getting to me right now. I mostly just tune it all out...

Wait, so you're telling me you don't eat any raw veggies at all? 🤔

I’ve started being pretty upfront about being pregnant. It’s not like I’m running around announcing it to everyone just for a laugh—it’s more that if the topic comes up or if it feels right, I just say it.🤣
And then you get those comments like, "Really? Because you don't look pregnant at all!!" Like... hello? Is there nothing between getting a positive test and actually giving birth? It’s a whole process, and honestly, for the first three or four months, you often don't even have a bump yet...

Ronald Lopez10 said:Me too! Reading your words actually makes me feel a bit ashamed, because my issues are probably much smaller than yours, yet I am still desperately waiting for this to be over. I've even seriously considered the idea of having only one child.
I can't tell you how many times I've heard people say that pregnancy is this "wonderful, blissful state" that "completes them as a woman," or that they're "enjoying every single minute because it goes by so fast." Well, if only it actually went that fast!
And then I read all these articles about childbirth and the postpartum period, and I honestly wish Mother Nature had designed the whole thing to be a little more elegant and dignified.
Don't get me wrong, the baby is very much wanted, but everything leading up to it (aside from the sex, obviously) doesn't feel remotely fulfilling, beautiful, or sublime like everyone likes to claim.

So, let people type away or judge me if they want to; I can't change my actual experience, and I'm certainly not going to apologize for how I truly feel.

Honestly, why would anyone judge you?😁 I think a lot of women actually dread being pregnant. Personally, I'd probably hate it too if I were dealing with morning sickness every single day...
Then again, maybe your next pregnancy will be totally different—maybe no symptoms at all—and then you might change your mind.

copperdrifter5 said:OF COURSE!!! I push whenever I can; if the rules say I have priority, I’m using it.
The other day I was at the DMV. I'm standing there in line waiting for the clerk, minding my own business, when this aggressive cow just barges in, claiming her car is "next" and she should go before me. 🙄
I wasn't having it. I told her I wasn't moving because I was in line, and since we're on the subject, I mentioned I'm pregnant and should be prioritized—even though I wasn't actually cutting, I was waiting my turn properly, and there wasn't even a crowd. Then this bitch actually backs down and goes, "Oh, if you're pregnant, then you go ahead" (except I wasn't cutting, *she* was), and then she has the nerve to snap that she never used pregnancy to CUT in line. 😲😲😲😲 CUTTING???? I gave her the craziest look, shouted "CUTTING????" back at her, and gave her death stares for what felt like an eternity. Seriously, people are animals. Women can be such wolves to one another. One second she's trying to shove me, the next she's acting like a bitter hag. I LOST IT.
People are trash. Use every advantage you have to get ahead of the line, because if you have the right, use it.

What an absolute idiot. 🤣
What kind of logic is that, trying to act like you're skipping when you were clearly just standing in line before her?
Women can be seriously difficult sometimes...

Bradley Sanders4 said:So, let me get this straight. You're claiming you don't know how to define racism or xenophobia, and instead, you just rely on the assumption that anyone opposing your view must be the opposite of what you think you are—even though you admitted you haven't even made a coherent point yet. But apparently, your own ignorance doesn't stop you from getting all offended the second someone points out that your posts are straight-up xenophobic and racist?

Man, gilda. This is honestly embarrassing. 😢

And which of Gilda's posts are actually xenophobic or racist?

God, I could go back and forth with you all day, but I won't. It’s just too much. It’s actually kind of sad that you view yourself as some bastion of tolerance...

Honestly, a moderator shouldn't just be there to slam the door shut once everyone is elbow-deep in drama... they should actually be steering the conversation—adding something constructive to the table. Instead of letting everything devolve into this "progressive heroes vs. evil racists" narrative. It’s like they completely ignore the huge group of users who were right in the middle all along. But nope—the second you don't fall in line with their side, you're basically cast out into the wilderness

David Foster80 said:Back when I was first bringing this up in the early nineties, nobody would give me the time of day. 🐔

🤣

Alex Miller3 said:It’s just selective and totally hypocritical.
I mean, sure, you can go off about those "Catholic liberals" and how they're supposedly running things... but the second anyone tries to zoom out and look at the bigger picture? Suddenly everyone's being labeled a fascist or a Nazi. It’s such a cheap way to shut down a conversation.

Look, if you guys only wanted a narrow discussion about helping refugees, you could've just locked the thread after two pages. I mean, seriously, everyone already agreed on that part anyway...

Exactly. It feels like topics lose their actual point because people end up arguing about whatever they want instead. Honestly, the way discussions go here is what really matters—specifically the way things are handled in Women's Corner. That level of narrow-mindedness is honestly scary... No wonder this whole site feels like it’s run by a tiny circle of twenty regulars. Every single controversial topic ends up proving the same thing: there’s zero real freedom of speech here. Not all members are treated equally, and some people definitely get a free pass while others don't...

Man, why was this closed so fast? 😕

Emily Fowler52 said:Exactly—that one little spark just throws everything out of whack...
Yeah, honestly, everyone ends up losing it—even the people who usually know how to keep things civil.

So, would you put yourself in that category too?

Emily Fowler52 said:I mean, we’d probably need about 18 people spread across every single time zone just to keep that chat covered—constantly scrubbing it of nonsense, insults, hate speech, petty bickering, you name it. The chat issue goes way back, even before I started hanging out in the diaspora. Back when I first started browsing in 2008, it was already a mess. And no, we don't need THAT kind of communication, nor do we need the subforum being torn apart. You can really feel it, too. When half of the active users are banned because they couldn't stop picking at each other in the chat, what kind of quality can you actually expect from the subforum? None, really, because there's practically nobody left to write anything.

So, is the solution just to deny people what they want because one person might be problematic?

If you guys can't figure out how to deal with them and maintain some order, then maybe you shouldn't be moderators over there... I mean, no offense, but those explanations just don't hold water.😕

Emily Fowler52 said:Well... look at that...
If you’re losing your mind over gas prices, the shortage of good preserves, or that total mess of a white supremacist group attacking us again... well, honestly, just don't sweat it... 😁
Look, if you lose your cool and start diving into insults, trolling, or those cheap ad hominem attacks against other members here... just know that bans aren't just suggestions—they're tools we use without exception. We aren't going to let things slide once they cross that line...

Look, we both know where the line is when it comes to being offensive—but what do you do when you actually get flagged just for some dark humor...?

Emily Fowler52 said:po osamstosezdesetosmiput: A dedicated chat to tackle all those massive issues facing the diaspora? Yeah, I don't see that happening. Maybe one day, somewhere... but probably not anytime soon...
But lately... not really.

What kind of trouble are we talking about...?
Why can't the regular folks on this forum actually get access to the chat? Is it just because that one girl is being such a headache...

Emily Fowler52 said:I honestly don't get why everyone is making such a huge deal out of this—especially since you guys have been sent to the off-topic section more times than I can count, where you're totally free to chat about whatever you want (as long as you stay within the site rules, of course)... 🤷 There are tons of people out there who clearly want to chat, but you just can't find them in the local subforums where they actually belong... Places... They work perfectly fine for off-topic discussions—I don't get why everyone is making such a huge deal out of it. It’s just constant chatting, one conversation after another... it's really not that deep...
No, that’s really not what this forum is for! It isn't some group instant messaging service—it's meant to be a space for actual, meaningful discussion... somewhere free from all that constant internal chatter...

Why does everyone seem to have such a massive problem with the chat... honestly?
It’s the same reason I don't bother jumping into chats on any other subforum, or even hanging out on different boards for that matter... I just want to talk to people from the diaspora.

Emily Fowler52 said:Yeah, I get it—a lot of you guys have been around since this place first launched, and I know there’s a certain nostalgia for how things used to be... but look, people change, interests shift, and honestly? Things are never going to go back to exactly how they were once upon a time. Changing up a chat topic isn't really going to fix that reality... 🤷

So, here are some actual specifics. We all sat down together and decided that we really need to loosen the reins a little bit... 😬
There won't be any more formal warnings—instead, we’re moving straight to deletions. We’ll also start handing out bans if things go too far. We're going to allow more freedom, but that doesn't mean you can jump into a thread about visa processes or the IELTS exam and start debating what you had for dinner yesterday 😁—that's off-topic, and it will be removed. Now, if a discussion shifts toward a different subject that isn't directly tied to the title, but still has the potential to turn into something constructive, we’ll either pull it out or merge it with an existing thread rather than shutting it down entirely. For example, regarding visa stuff—instead of just talking about credential evaluation under a general immigration thread, I actually revived an old topic where we can all exchange experiences across different countries and various procedures.

Personally, I'm against deleting posts—I think that practice is problematic across all subforums. When conflicts arise, it usually just turns into a "he said, she said" situation. And honestly, I know all too well how those "he said, she said" arguments play out with the mods. Just leave the posts up, for the sake of the author, please...

brightpuma said:Are you seriously going to tell me otherwise?

Look, whether it works or not is beside the point. The real issue is that for certain things over in the diaspora, people aren't getting red cards—they're just getting warnings. And even if you do get a card, it's just a yellow one, which doesn't actually affect anyone's standing or points at all...

I mean, true moderation isn't about throwing red cards left and right; it's about using warnings or those yellow cards to keep things under control.
As for prevention, the fact remains that Skattemus is in a completely different time zone than most of the people posting there, and she used to mention that herself. Now she's in the same boat as la Luna, though I'm not entirely sure if she even reads the posts, let alone moderates them. So we're back to the same old story—most of the nonsense happens while she's fast asleep...

Besides, what exactly are you expecting from a sub-forum like the diaspora? A chat room? Something similar to ŽK? Or maybe like Law?

Honestly, how do you actually envision a sub-forum working when it's filled with people from all walks of life, with totally different worldviews and different ideas on how a forum should run? And I'm not being rhetorical here—I genuinely want to know how you picture it. Maybe there's an actual suggestion that could be fleshed out for the moderators to consider. I highly doubt that attacking people or throwing mud is going to achieve anything constructive...🤷

The diaspora section can't be ŽK even if it wanted to, and that’s not what I’m looking for. But I do expect that, since so many people are complaining, she might loosen up a bit with the warnings and just let people talk. As soon as there's even a hint that a discussion might branch out, she swoops in screaming "NO OFF-TOPIC" or "NO CHATTING." It's just... man...🤣
It’s become a joke at this point; someone writes something slightly off-topic, and suddenly Skattemus is ready to drop a card on them. 🤣
It doesn't matter that it's just a yellow card with no impact on points—it's the principle of the thing.
And then there are those social threads. Why even have the division? Why not just have one big chat? Either keep the specific threads or just make one shared chat for everyone.
I know there are some problematic groups over there—there definitely are. Sometimes I really wonder what's going through certain people's heads, but like I said, instead of dealing with them properly with actual red cards or even permanent bans for the real troublemakers, she just plays it safe with preventive warnings.
It feels like she’s either afraid to actually confront the difficult users, or she just doesn't know how. Meanwhile, the diaspora section just continues to wither away as this dull, dead sub-forum that nobody wants to visit, especially the more intelligent crowd...🤣🤣 :whatever, I guess she had to 😁

The fact that she lives in a different time zone isn't the users' problem. 🤷 I don't see what that has to do with anything. And what about la Luna? If that's the case, why is she even a moderator in the first place?

Grace Diaz76 said:So far, all I’m seeing is people nitpicking my posts and taking personal shots at me—rather than addressing me as a moderator...

🤣🤣
I didn't even catch this one. You're imagining things—or maybe I should say you're being a bit too bold there... ☕

Grace Diaz76 said:Chat topics tend to drift, just like anywhere else. It’s usually those controversial threads where chatting isn't allowed that cause the most friction.

I really don't have the energy for an argument here—can we all just please learn how to use the quote function and stick to the rules? It would make things much smoother for everyone... That's all I've got to say about it.

So, which specific topics are we talking about?
From the looks of it, you think every single thread is an issue. 🤷

Grace Diaz76 said:The PDF isn't exactly clean everywhere, except maybe in threads where people just troll nonstop—like the ones about Australia and Canada, which somehow have two separate threads each.
At the very start of the thread, it clearly states that casual chatting isn't allowed, yet you guys keep breaking the rules anyway. Then, when you get penalized, you act like it's some huge injustice.
To me, the real injustice is how you all systematically ignore the fact that we have two distinct threads—one specifically for chatting and one for serious discussion.

I regularly hand out warnings to people who are being disrespectful, but I don't touch posts from people making intelligent arguments... actually, I love seeing other smart people jump in to keep a good conversation going. It’s not off-topic; it's expanding the subject.
It’s just... it's rare to find those smart people. Most of them are just folks who love complaining about how much they hate their neighbors because they moved to a country they think is total garbage.

As far as I'm concerned, I don't plan on changing how I issue warnings. It would be nice if certain individuals started following the rules so we could all just get along in the controversial threads, much like what happens in the other diaspora discussions.

**Bolded** 🤣
Honestly, I didn't think you'd actually listen to the other side or maybe consider a different perspective. The reason people aren't hanging out in the diaspora section is because of your moderation style. The problem is that you flag everything as off-topic, and that's exactly how you kill the thread and the conversation. How many times has it happened where people start talking about something indirectly related to the main point? Why is that such a massive issue for you? That's how topics evolve... if everyone strictly stuck to the prompt and nothing else, the whole thing would die out in two days. One thought leads to another, and that's it. I really don't get why that's a violation in your eyes, and that's what I mean when I say you're overdoing it.
I'm tired of arguing and explaining that I have absolutely nothing against you punishing rude posts, so please, let's just move past that. 🤷

Grace Diaz76 said:I definitely agree that there are ways to steer a conversation back on track. Before, I used to try just ignoring the trolls or begging everyone to just chill out—but honestly, nobody listened to that. Now? I just delete the comments and hand out a yellow card, and suddenly everyone starts behaving... It’s funny how that works. You really have to lean on those warnings when people start attacking others based on where they're from or their background. I've even seen situations where people were digging up private details—like who was sleeping with how many hookers during a trip to Dubai and all that nonsense. If I started handing out red cards and multi-day bans right away, the whole place would just fall apart...

Why don't people just take a second to read over their own posts before hitting send? You really ought to ask yourself if what you wrote is actually okay... It’s way too easy to just sit there, go wild on the keyboard, and then turn around and blame the moderator—accusing them of being unfair just because they deleted my post and gave me a warning...

Am I complaining about posts like this getting flagged? No, not at all... 🙂
I honestly can't help but feel like there's a bit of a double standard happening here—it feels like you're treating someone who leaks private info exactly the same way you treat someone just complaining about being pregnant... it doesn't quite sit right with me... 🤣

brightpuma said:So, it basically boils down to the fact that a moderator needs to strike this perfect middle ground—which, let's be honest, is no easy feat—but being proactive is always better than just trying to clean up the mess after it happens...
I mean, wouldn't it be nice if everyone just chipped in and chatted about different topics more often? It would definitely make the whole atmosphere feel a bit more... I don't know, like we're actually hanging out in someone's living room... 🤷

Where on earth did you get that from...?
Prevention is always the better part of valor—it really is...🙏

brightpuma said:The moderators over at this diaspora forum already have their hands full enough just managing two subforums that basically run on completely different sets of rules—all without getting bogged down by petty nonsense or people acting out because someone gave them a dirty look in a thread. I mean, a warning? Seriously... give me a break... 🙄 )

I guess this one's coming for me... 🤣
Yeah, it honestly bugs me how they hand out warnings and slap people with cards—even just yellow ones—for every little thing. That isn't actually moderating... it’s just being a pain in the ass...
The diaspora subforum is honestly so incredibly sterile and stiff... It’s almost unnatural. Every now and then people start bickering and hurling insults at each other, and instead of Henry Moore2 just stepping in and handing out actual bans to those trolls, he tends to just preemptively smother every single topic before it even gets going...

Emily Fowler52 said:I haven't been around much lately because of some personal stuff... life just got in the way. Honestly, the Skatte edit team was left flying solo on the diaspora boards, which wasn't fair of me. Strictly from a technical standpoint—keeping topics in the right sections, cleaning up duplicates, that whole bit—she’s probably the best moderator this diaspora could ask for. If she weren't here, we’d be drowning in a hundred different threads every single day asking things like "How do I move to New York or Chicago?"
I've been pretty caught up in some emigration research myself, so I guess you could say I'm being a bit selfish by focusing on my own stuff instead of helping out here, which is kind of low of me 😬 🤣
But hey, I promise I'll catch up on everything that's happened recently. I'm going to sit down with my colleague and figure out where things went sideways so we can fix it... 😉

Technically, she's not bad at her job—nobody is saying that. I'm sure there are a thousand threads popping up every day with the exact same questions. But being good at the technical side isn't the only thing that makes a great moderator.

Grace Diaz76 said:So, looking back at those warnings:

Please, less chatter!
If this doesn't stop, I'm handing out warnings.
Last warning!
This isn't the place for casual socializing.
This isn't the section for technical questions.
This isn't the place to debate the referendum.
This isn't a thread where you can vent about ethnic groups and such...

Of course, I'm going to give people a heads-up before I start issuing formal warnings or bans; I'm not some dictator walking around handing out penalties for fun.
There's a dedicated chat thread for a reason, yet people keep treating specific topics like a social lounge, even when the rules clearly say not to.

If a thread isn't meant for debating the referendum and you start doing it anyway, consider yourself warned.

And so on.

Furthermore, you're allowed to talk about local people, but if you start generalizing—like in your example, calling Native Americans drunk chiefs living off welfare—that's hate speech. It's not allowed, and you'll get a warning.

Also, I have every right to comment on a user saying they hate cheese, especially when that same user replies telling me why and keeps the conversation going. I don't recall them hiring a lawyer to defend their culinary tastes at the IRS.

Honestly, I think I'm being quite lenient, considering how many users keep making clone accounts to spam the subforums.

Besides, you know perfectly well that criticizing moderator actions is banned everywhere except on the IRS thread, yet you still went ahead and linked a discussion about Canada over here.
If you'd rather I just skip the warning and go straight to the penalty, fine by me.

Personally, it really bothers me how much you delete. Why do you do that?
We can play this game however you want. You aren't being "lenient" at all—if anything, your moderation style feels pretty heavy-handed, and the problem is you apply that same rigid logic to everyone. Whether it's people going off-topic, or a thread naturally expanding into a new direction with decent users, or even the actual trolls and spammers... you treat everyone with the same blunt instrument.

Also, sorry, but you’re acting a bit irrational by feeling like you have to be "correct" about absolutely everything—to the point where you're just handing out warnings for the sake of it. Yeah, I’m talking specifically about that last yellow card you gave me. The diaspora is just so incredibly sterile... it’s honestly exhausting. Look, I don't condone prejudices or generalizations, but you really take things way too far sometimes.

You barely even participate in the actual discussions, and hey, you don't have to, but your moderation style feels like nothing more than a pile of orders... 😕

mellowmarlin4 said:Not sure if I'm even in the right sub. Looking for info on child support and wage garnishment for an ex.
The issue is my son is an adult now and a full-time college student, but his dad is refusing to pay anything.
If he were still a minor, we could just go through Child Protective Services, but since he's grown, he’ll have to file the suit himself and go after the father's paycheck.
I have zero clue where to start or how this works—never had to deal with court or legal battles before. Back when we split up 11 years ago, the ex actually paid the amount the judge ordered during the divorce.
I'd rather just hire a lawyer to handle it, but I don't know who to call or what the standard rates look like.
Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.

Since your son is a full-time student, he should be eligible for free legal aid. He just needs to head down to the local Bar Association and ask for a pro bono attorney.