Posts by James Miller2

Matthew Gomez2 said:A few times in my life, I’ve crossed paths with people who possess this staggering level of intellect—individuals so intellectually formidable that they don't even need to say a word to command the room.
Some of them are still in my orbit, while others passed through just to remind me of exactly what I needed to hear at that specific moment in time.

I’m curious, how do you all go about sharpening your own intellect?

There is something deeply fascinating to me about encountering someone who truly knows their subject matter—and I don't mean trivial, everyday small talk. I mean deep dives into the cosmos, the mechanics of consciousness, the subconscious, and those heavy, existential topics you simply can't bring up with just anyone. I find myself craving more connections with open-minded people who can see the bigger picture, those who have built their own internal frameworks for understanding reality; they might be a bit dogmatic at times, which some might call a flaw, but I’ve always seen it as a strength.
I get such a sense of fulfillment when I’m listening to or engaging with people online who discuss these profound subjects that we rarely touch upon. We all eventually have to construct our own theories and definitions regarding the unknown, but the key is to keep refining them—to ensure we don't become stagnant or mistake our current perceptions for our absolute identity, because we are certainly much more than just what we currently think we are.

In the title, I brought up spiral dynamics, as I honestly believe that framework offers the best description of intellectual evolution. We all start at zero and climb upward; everyone exists at a specific stage, and I suspect those people I mentioned earlier are operating at an enviable level—perhaps you reading this are, or perhaps it's me. The real work lies in recognizing where you currently stand and acknowledging all the different phases you've navigated to get here.

So, in short, are you actively working on cultivating a stronger intellect? Do you notice specific milestones where you feel you've leveled up, and do you pay close attention to that progression?

Intellect used to be very attractive to me. Now, in this stage of my life, I just want us to be on the same level.

People who are intellectually superior are often arrogant. That is a major turn-off for me.

I would much rather spend time with "simpler" people who possess warmth and heart than with sharp intellectuals who relentlessly broadcast their brilliance. 😛

Paul Thomas81 said:Hey everyone. I’m not sure if anyone is actually going to see this, but whatever, I might as well give it a shot.
I'm 19, and my main issue is this constant, nagging fear of being laughed at, judged, or even just called out. Honestly, I have no idea how to fix this crap. It’s been weighing on me for almost two years now, and it's seriously holding me back from living my life. I struggle to even start anything because I'm terrified of failing and becoming a laughingstock. Lately, I've been watching a lot of MMA, and I really want to get into training, but a thousand different doubts are stopping me. I feel like I'm already too old to start—which sounds pretty ridiculous, I know—and I'm scared the guys at the gym will make fun of me. How do I deal with this? Any solid advice would mean a lot. 😉

You need to shift your perspective.

People will mock you and judge you regardless of who you are. You have to learn how to stop letting someone else's mindset dictate your life.

The opposite of fear is love and faith. When you have genuine self-love, you stop caring about what others say or think of you.
It comes with experience and time. Just stay focused on your own path and trust your gut.

boldnomad45 said:My phone rings all the time, in English or whatever, but just like the post above, I'll spend way more time on an email—though I'd much rather write one than pick up the phone if I have the choice.
When I'm ordering something... there's this tightness, or maybe it's just a need for control. I feel more in charge via email. A phone call feels like a struggle, a whole process of preparation and such. Email doesn't do that.

And as for how we get things done? I use email, or if a call is absolutely necessary, I just push through it like anything else in life that sucks but is mandatory. It's exhausting and anxious, but I do it.

I understand, but I think you're doing yourself a disservice.

Pick up the phone. Even if it feels awkward, that's how you build confidence and grow.

By running away and avoiding the issue, the problem will only seem larger than it actually is.

Conversations in a foreign language are rarely perfect on either side, so I don't see why there should be any taboo there.

That’s simply because you lack experience in this field.

If you worked a job where phones were ringing off the hook all day long, you wouldn't even consider "phone anxiety" to be a real thing.

How do you even manage your personal business when the mere thought of someone calling or having to answer the phone causes such discomfort?

silvercobra122 said:Hi everyone, I wanted to start a discussion here. If this isn't quite the right spot for it, my apologies to the moderators for any necessary moves.

I couldn't find an existing thread on this, so I decided to create one.

How much optimism do you actually practice? How positive is your general outlook on life?

To be honest, I tend toward negativity. I struggle with deep-seated feelings of inferiority. I truly want to feel that sense of inner warmth and self-love that seems to elude me, and I want to build some actual confidence.

In your eyes, what does a positive approach to life actually look like?
Do you think this is something one can cultivate alone through sheer willpower, or is it better to seek professional help?

I appreciate any advice you can offer, and I’d value hearing your own perspectives on staying positive.

🙂

Perspective is a choice.

Consider spilled milk.
One person might spend five days beating themselves up over being clumsy and crying about the mess. Another person will just laugh, clean it up, buy more, and forget it ever happened.

Do not go looking for love if you cannot feel it for yourself first.
Fix yourself before you try to find someone else.

Good luck.

Robin Foster7 said:It feels like that time of year is creeping up again—the season where everyone just starts burning through cash like there's no tomorrow. We’ve got Black Friday turning into this month-long marathon, and then it just rolls straight into the holiday shopping madness. Honestly, consumerism has become its own kind of psychological beast.
People use it as a sort of therapy, I guess, but at the same time, they're just fueling an addiction.
What do you all think about this whole frenzy? And how do you manage to hold back when you see those endless "limited time" deals staring you in the face?

The approach is the same as any other addiction.

If you don't shut it down in your mind first, nothing else matters.

Maria Price3 said:Go ahead and make fun of me if you want—that’s basically what this forum is for, right?—but honestly, this is a legitimate psychological issue. I’d argue it’s tied directly to social phobia, and in my own experience, it stems from this deep-seated fear of rejection from whoever happens to be on the other end of the line. Whether I'm trying to deal with a customer service rep at a place like Verizon, filing some paperwork with a local agency, or just calling up friends to hang out, my brain starts spinning through fifty different negative scenarios where the call ends up being useless or awkward. It creates this massive amount of internal frustration before I even dial. Most of the time, things turn out fine, of course, but these kinds of irrational fears—even if they seem ridiculous to someone else—are just a fundamental part of living with anxiety.

I have to admit, this is the first time I've heard about this specific fear.
But based on your explanation, there is definitely something to it.

It is all happening in your head.

For instance, I never run through scenarios where someone might reject my request when dealing with an organization. I don't think about it at all.
Perhaps you should try viewing them differently. They are paid professionals. They are there to serve you. They should be at your disposal.

What actually frustrates me is when I need something from a company and they just transfer me to three different numbers because nobody has the answer. 🙏

hiddenhound3 said:... if you were to cross paths with your own self, would you actually like the person looking back at you?

It is understood that this inquiry remains purely hypothetical. Let us attempt to envision a scenario where you encounter your true self in its purest form. What would be the very first thing you noticed about your own being, and what kind of impression would you leave upon yourself? Ultimately, would you find yourself to be someone you truly admire?

A great question.

The answer reveals everything about a person's character and their fundamental outlook on life.

Morgan Morris73 said:Hello everyone.
I am asking for some honest perspectives here because, despite being 50 years old, I find myself quite confused.
A friend of mine met a man a few years ago during a devastating divorce—one that left her mentally and financially shattered. He was about ten years older than her. She says he helped her get back on her feet in every way possible. His support and effort impressed her so much that she actually tried to turn it into a romantic partnership. However, she quickly realized that such a relationship was impossible because she simply wasn't attracted to him. When she told him as much, he stopped calling, though she insisted on maintaining a friendship. A year later, she asked him for financial assistance to buy an apartment (something he had previously offered). Since then, they have started spending more time together—nothing serious, yet they have engaged in sex. She has never truly wanted this; she claims the sex is always incredibly dull and brief, but she goes along with it out of respect and a desire to make him happy as a way of saying thank you. To be clear, my friend is not promiscuous and would never cheat on her current partner, but she still maintains contact with this man (without sex) and admits that if she were to break up with her partner, she would intensify her relationship with him again. Personally, I believe she developed this sense of fearful reverence toward him due to the trauma of her divorce. I also feel her behavior is undignified and self-degrading; she needs to change her perception and end this dynamic immediately. When I shared my opinion with her, she took offense and called me "North American limited".
What is your take on this, and how should I handle it? I would be very grateful for any serious advice.

She is essentially a gold digger. No matter how dear she is to you.

This kind of relationship is humiliating for her. But you don't know her true motives.
If the man is older and she is willing to engage in these immoral dynamics, who knows, maybe she is eyeing his retirement fund.

In any case, you can't forbid her from doing anything.
She has the right to do whatever she wants with her own life.

An interesting perspective.

darkhawk30 said:I might understand if she was heading out to grab some liquid foundation or mascara, but going to pay
utility bills?!?!?!🙂
Couldn't that have waited?

Apparently, she had to go fax those pay stubs.

She could have just snapped photos and sent them via WhatsApp.

There was absolutely no reason for her to leave the house.

Rachel Kern5 said:In my hometown (San Francisco), there’s this massive piece of graffiti on a seawall right by the marina near Zenith. It says, "I love pussies – I hate women."

I saw two guys standing there staring at it the other day, and one turns to the other and goes, "Seriously, does it make sense? If he just likes the parts, why would he bother marrying the whole woman?"

What kind of logic are we actually dealing with here?

Gay alert 😁

Jesse Davis said:How many times have you dealt with someone being just plain malicious toward you—you know, people who seem to have this desperate need to belittle you or provoke a reaction through lies and fabrications? To be honest, it happens to me quite frequently...
Sometimes I’ll admit, I get genuinely angry at those injustices, especially if the person acting that way ends up getting ahead while I'm left behind.
But then again, most of the time I just find myself laughing at them—it’s because I know exactly who I am and what my worth is—though, like anyone else, I still have those days where certain things just hit a little harder than they should...
What I really want to say is that if someone feels the need to tear you down, insult you, or play dirty just to reach a goal, it's usually because they are deeply unhappy with themselves and their own lives. It's particularly true for those types who try so hard to be "perfect" and please everyone; at the end of the day, they still have to go home and face their true selves, and all that hypocrisy eventually catches up to them.
What are your thoughts on all this??

Part of this behavior is inherited from home.
Even back when I was just a kid, I noticed how some families treat their children that way.
They "toughen them up" by humiliating them in public. Then, for those kids, that style of communication becomes their norm, and once they grow up, they start treating others the exact same way.

The other part involves miserable people who are constantly fighting something. They compare themselves to others, they are envious, they compete, they are bitter, and they focus more on everyone else's business than their own.

I have dealt with situations like this.
For example, an acquaintance once made a malicious comment about something I had done. Something along the lines of: "You did that again," even though it had nothing to do with her.
So I asked her: "What makes you say that?" or something similar.
She immediately recoiled, started making excuses, and backed away.

Sean Mitchell said:Is it worth it? Or is it just a waste of time?

I can't help but wonder what's actually hiding "behind the curtain."

Curiosity killed the cat. It isn't worth it.

goldenjackal6 said:Actually, you already fell for it twice by dodging a dead-simple question both times.

Maybe a third stroke of luck is coming, but what kind of cultist scientists are we even talking about here?

Do you even understand American? 🤔

Lisa Jackson7 said:That’s a pretty broad take, unfortunately... it hides behind "science" while actually just tanking its own credibility.

We could easily call it a pseudo-religion... honestly, if you look at how religion, ideology, and worldviews overlap, it’s just part of the universal human experience—both for individuals and society—since the dawn of time.

To me, it seems similar to Satanism. They share similarly nasty rules.

goldenjackal6 said:I'm not doing that. You tell me—what kind of cult are they running?

It’s a trap. I won't fall for it.

goldenjackal6 said:A cult of what?

Look, it isn't about some "creed of scientism"—it's literally just the only way to actually pin down objective truth. Scientism is basically just worshipping science as a deity, which has nothing to do with what bluemason3 was getting at.

Actually, if you look closely, plenty of Christians have baked scientism right into their religion. You see it all the time where these "Christian scientists" claim they've "proven" something through science just to give their religious arguments a little extra punch.

Just Google it.

Lisa Jackson7 said:So now that you've ditched that whole scientism dogma, you're acting all offended like people are "pigeonholing" you by calling you a scientist.

Don't be ashamed of what you believe...

That is a cult. 😉

bluemason3 said:In a way, that's true. Because stories hit you on an emotional and symbolic level, they bypass the rational, critical part of the brain. That allows them to trigger shifts in behavior at a more instinctive, irrational level.
It can be a positive thing, but it can also be negative.

There are psychotherapies and therapists who use carefully crafted, suggestive storytelling and communication styles for that exact purpose. If that’s what someone needs, it’s better to turn to professionals who follow established ethical guidelines and professional oversight.

With religions (including cults and sects—they're essentially the same thing), the primary goal is indoctrination. At the very least, it's about maintaining the flock, and for most, it's about recruiting new members. Everything else is secondary to that goal, including (more often than not, highly exaggerated if not outright fabricated) potential benefits.

The other issue is that these benefits are often short-lived—more like a temporary fix than a permanent cure.
Personality traits are hard, if not impossible, to fundamentally change in adulthood. However, through constant indoctrination and social pressure, a person can develop a sort of "pseudo-ego"—a permanent role they play just to fit into the religious narrative.
That said, you usually notice that once someone leaves a religion, sect, or cult, they revert back to their core personality. There wasn't actually any lasting change.

How would you explain it when, for example, doctors tell someone they have an incurable disease, but then that illness vanishes after prayer and fasting?
You can't just dismiss that as fantasy or positive thinking.

There are specific conditions and miracles required at shrines; I'm not really familiar with how that works, so I can't comment.

I will say, however, that the "fantasy" lies in how those events are interpreted.

Reality isn't binary. Nothing is strictly mortal or immortal. There are cases where people die laughing, and others who survive free-falling from a plane (without a parachute).

Both are extremely rare, but they happen. The reason we consider falling from a plane deadly and laughter healthy isn't based on absolute certainty, but on high probabilities.

Take a disease with a 99% mortality rate. We call it fatal, but there is still that 1 in 100 who survives.
Most people are believers, and everyone prays when their life is on the line. Even people who aren't religious tend to find faith in those moments.

This means it is statistically quite likely that the one person who was going to survive anyway happened to be praying. That single instance is then held up as proof of a miraculous healing, while completely ignoring the thousands of people who prayed and didn't get better.

It's the same story with shrines or canonizations—"miracles" are pulled out of thin air without context, relevant data sets, control groups, or statistical analysis. How many people visit a famous shrine? Hundreds of thousands a year? Millions? It's incredibly easy to find a cluster of healings in a group that large. It isn't evidence; it's just math.

The only way to actually prove something like this would be to demonstrate that, in practice, people experience significantly more healings through prayer or divine intervention than a control group of similar individuals who don't engage in those rituals.

As far as I know, the only studies of this kind I've come across were conducted right here in the States, and they failed to show any solid positive correlation.(One study even suggested a slight negative correlation—worse health outcomes for the group being prayed for, which most likely points to a nocebo effect.)

Since there are plenty of educated people working within the church who understand how to conduct research aimed at objectively testing a hypothesis, I’m left with one conclusion: when it comes to formal procedures like canonization, they intentionally use outdated methods. It doesn't prove anything; it just creates a pseudo-scientific illusion of proof. In other words, it feels like a deliberate hoax.

My view of faith doesn't primarily revolve around sects or organized religion. It isn't about that sort of thing.
Even if I weren't Catholic—if I were from some other faith or even an atheist—I would still arrive at the same conclusion. God exists. Regardless of what people choose to call Him these days.

Do you know anyone in your area who has converted?

bluemason3 said:It’s irrelevant to the discussion, and I have no interest in derailing the topic with useless tangents.

There’s also this excessive obsession with personal anecdotes—everything from seminar testimonies to "proof" of miracles or canonization processes. It's a hallmark of indoctrination propaganda and a major flaw in logical argumentation. You see the same thing with other religions, obviously.

That happens because

1) stories (like personal testimonies), whether they are individual accounts or myths, capture the imagination and emotion more easily. They bypass critical, rational analysis, making them perfect tools for indoctrination or maintaining belief, but they are useless when trying to grasp factual reality. Only logic and data matter here, and even then, an individual is far too small a sample size for any meaningful sociological or psychological analysis.

2) at the level of individual data ("evidence" or "miracles" involving saints and canonizations), without a proper sample size and analytical framework, it’s just a pseudo-scientific attempt to create an illusion of objective proof for people who don't quite grasp how the scientific method works.

I believe those personal testimonies aren't bad since they encourage people to change.
Human beings rarely change (unless something is life-threatening).
And improving one's life is necessary for health and survival.

How would you explain it if, for example, a doctor told someone they had an incurable disease, and then that disease vanished after prayer and fasting?
You cannot simply dismiss that as fantasy or positive thinking.

There are specific conditions and miracles required for shrines; I am not particularly familiar with them, so I cannot comment.