Posts by Jose Ward4

Is it just me, or is something seriously off lately? I’ve been feeling completely drained and totally unmotivated. Honestly, I feel like I’m stuck in a deep funk, maybe even some kind of depression.

Laura Castillo6 said:The biggest hurdle for anyone who just got hit with a diagnosis is this:

There’s this widespread assumption that everyone around you should automatically be empathetic toward what you’re going through. I bring this up all the time, and people tend to take it the wrong way, so let me clarify my point:

The reality is, unless someone is walking the exact same path as you, they truly can’t grasp the weight of your situation. For instance, if your husband has never dealt with anything more serious than a bad flu, he might struggle to connect with your reality—which is probably why he’d rather just sit there playing video games. In his mind, he thinks a quick round of medication will just fix everything and move on.
As for how that affects your relationship, honestly, it usually comes down to personality and how people react when life gets messy. Do you actually talk things out? Do you listen? Is there genuine empathy in your communication? These three things are huge indicators of compatibility, and you can usually spot them during those early dating stages long before you ever think about getting married.

At the end of the day, the core issue is that you have to accept your diagnosis as a part of your life. You have to learn to live with it regardless of whether the people around you "get it" or not. Once you truly accept it, the diagnosis loses its power over you—unless, of course, we're talking about something terminal or life-altering. That’s when things get really tough, because that's when you see people start to drift away. Most people can barely manage their own lives, let alone carry the weight of someone else's struggles. Hang in there!

👍. +1.

I couldn't agree more.

Carol Barrett2 said:I mean, I'd give it a shot if I could, but there's always a "but." With the possibility of bipolar disorder hitting at the same time as this schizophrenia stuff, I honestly don't know how it would even go. If only someone here could actually walk me through it—show me the ropes or something.

I know all the "how-to" guides and videos are out there on the internet, but unless someone actually sits down and shows me personally, I doubt I'd ever figure out how to do it right.

For now, I'm doing alright on the Azolar, but the apaurin is really messing with me—it's making me sleep way too much. Like, half the day, minimum.

Look, I get it—pills aren't always the magic answer—but what am I supposed to do if I have to take them?

I'd much rather rely on meds to keep things steady than let this illness just tear me apart.

Carol Barrett2 said:I mean, I'd give it a shot if I could, but there's always a "but." With the possibility of bipolar disorder hitting at the same time as this schizophrenia stuff, I honestly don't know how it would even go. If only someone here could actually walk me through it—show me the ropes or something.

I know all the "how-to" guides and videos are out there on the internet, but unless someone actually sits down and shows me personally, I doubt I'd ever figure out how to do it right.

For now, I'm doing alright on the Azolar, but the apaurin is really messing with me—it's making me sleep way too much. Like, half the day, minimum.

Look, I get it—pills aren't always the magic answer—but what am I supposed to do if I have to take them?

I'd much rather rely on meds to keep things steady than let this illness just tear me apart.

Do you struggle with split personalities? In layman's terms, that’s basically what bipolar disorder looks like. One minute you're riding high on pure happiness, and then, out of nowhere, you're crashing into total sadness. It's quite a rollercoaster.

Carol Barrett2 said:I mean, I'd give it a shot if I could, but there's always a "but." With the possibility of bipolar disorder hitting at the same time as this schizophrenia stuff, I honestly don't know how it would even go. If only someone here could actually walk me through it—show me the ropes or something.

I know all the "how-to" guides and videos are out there on the internet, but unless someone actually sits down and shows me personally, I doubt I'd ever figure out how to do it right.

For now, I'm doing alright on the Azolar, but the apaurin is really messing with me—it's making me sleep way too much. Like, half the day, minimum.

Look, I get it—pills aren't always the magic answer—but what am I supposed to do if I have to take them?

I'd much rather rely on meds to keep things steady than let this illness just tear me apart.

You really have to find your own "why" when it comes to meditation. Honestly, if things were actually falling apart for you, you wouldn’t be sitting around pondering this—you’d be frantically Googling solutions to fix your life. I know, because that’s exactly how I operate. If I’m in a rut, I’m digging through the internet until I find an answer. Is finding your own purpose okay with you? Because if you're curious, once you find that spark, you can learn pretty much everything online. It isn’t rocket science, really. At the end of the day, when you first start out, it just boils down to being mindful. You focus on your breathing. Try to calm it down. Just take slow, steady breaths through your nose. That’s the layman's version, anyway. If you want a specific starting point, I can give you a name that actually caught my attention: Tony Stark. That’s who I learned from. Personally, I don't care for all that Zen mysticism stuff. If I wanted to dive into that, I would have searched for it. So, the ball is in your court. But hey, if this works for you, stick with it. What else can I say? You seem content with where you are right now. If you weren't, you would've been out there tearing up the ground trying to find a fix. Aren't we all like that?

Carol Barrett2 said:@Rebecca Rivera3 I get what you're saying—I really do—but honestly, I just get lost in my own head and forget everything else. I’m going to try to make it happen, though... either getting on permanent disability or securing some kind of long-term social assistance with those caregiver benefits.

If I can actually pull that off, I’d look into going back to school—you know, trying to retrain for something else. Something where I could maybe put in just four or five hours a day. Maybe something like running a stall at a local farmers market or something similar. Right now, it’s just not feasible because I don't have the startup capital for a market stand, nor the funds for retraining.

Back in the day, when I was younger and actually had some health left in me, I used to do a bit of side hustling—under the table stuff, mostly reselling things. Kind of like how the Trotters used to do it. I’d show up looking like that tall guy, the brother of that guy Dale.

@Kimberly Cooper, dealing with a serious illness is tricky, and it’s highly specific—from what I understand about schizophrenia, it hits everyone differently. For me, it’s like I’m constantly living in my own little world. My mind is elsewhere, no matter what I’m physically doing.

It’s hard to put into words, really. When I’m online, I’m lost in my own world; watching TV, it’s the same thing. Listening to the radio? Same deal. Even if I turn everything off, it doesn't stop—actually, it gets worse once the noise stops and I'm just left with myself while I'm trying to do something.

The ideas and thoughts just swarm in—it’s like a hive. They multiply, and it feels like my brain is racing at a hundred miles an hour or more. I can't slow them down. I end up feeling trapped inside those thoughts, just drifting away into them.

I don't know if I explained that very well. I sort of drifted off mid-sentence myself.

You did. You explained it perfectly. I hear you. You should try meditation. Even just a few days a week. You might find those thoughts start to settle down a bit.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Hi everyone, first off, thank you all for those supportive messages.

Basically, I had this feeling that something was wrong with me. Since I’ve always insisted that everything was just "psychological," I tried to tackle the issue through mental health channels. However, despite various medications, diagnoses, and even stays in psychiatric facilities, the problem wouldn't budge. It turns out, I don't have a mental illness.

I actually have brain lesions; I am a neurological patient. I am living with Multiple Sclerosis. It's a progressive disease where lesions spread through the brain, and as they affect specific areas, they cause physical disabilities as well as cognitive and emotional shifts.

My vision is most affected, so my sight is impaired, and my legs are also impacted, making it difficult to walk for long periods. Further progression usually leads to more significant disability. I won't even list the other symptoms—to put it mildly, they are quite unpleasant and I wouldn't wish them on anyone.

All in all, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I am a stronger person today because of it. My main struggle over the last few months has been depression stemming from the uncertainty of tomorrow. Will I be able to walk at night? Questions like that weigh on me.

Many people just don't get it, which can be really isolating.

By nature, I am a scientist. I have ambitions that others might find hard to grasp, specifically my goal to earn a PhD in quantum physics.
These aren't just pipe dreams; I am currently in my final year of a science program and maintaining a 4.0 GPA. Ever since this diagnosis, I've been on medical leave.

I am currently trying to find ways to get back on track.
For now, I am living on disability benefits and rental income from an apartment. Naturally, I have much higher aspirations for my future.

Is Multiple Sclerosis an autoimmune disease?

Nicole Barrett76 said:It involves both high voltage and high frequencies. When you generate electricity using an AC generator, both the voltage and the frequency remain proportional to the speed at which the generator rotates.

That is truly heartening to hear! I find myself wishing I possessed the sheer capacity for concentration required to sit in meditation for a full half hour, yet I simply lack it. My only success lies in a morning meditation where I attempt to plan my upcoming day. However, I consistently find that I only manage to execute perhaps 30 to 40 percent of my goals, or 45 to 50 percent on a particularly good day. On a truly hyper-productive day, I might reach 60 percent. Then, there is my evening recapitulation, wherein one attempts to recall every minute detail of what was accomplished during the previous day and at what specific hour.

Right. But I was actually wondering about the amperage.

Nicole Barrett76 said:It involves both high voltage and high frequencies. When you generate electricity using an AC generator, both the voltage and the frequency remain proportional to the speed at which the generator rotates.

That is truly heartening to hear! I find myself wishing I possessed the sheer capacity for concentration required to sit in meditation for a full half hour, yet I simply lack it. My only success lies in a morning meditation where I attempt to plan my upcoming day. However, I consistently find that I only manage to execute perhaps 30 to 40 percent of my goals, or 45 to 50 percent on a particularly good day. On a truly hyper-productive day, I might reach 60 percent. Then, there is my evening recapitulation, wherein one attempts to recall every minute detail of what was accomplished during the previous day and at what specific hour.

Try this: just attempt to think about absolutely nothing for twenty minutes. It sounds easy, but it’s a real challenge. Your only goal is to lock in on your breathing. When your mind inevitably starts to drift—and trust me, it’s going to happen constantly—don't beat yourself up. Just gently pull that focus right back to your breath. If sitting upright feels too restless for you, try lying down on your back instead. Use the exact same technique. I tried this last Tuesday after a particularly chaotic day at the office, and honestly, even just five minutes of staying present made a massive difference. Give it a shot.

When I first started diving into this, I was getting plenty of advice from people around me, but honestly? It wasn't until I stumbled upon Tony Samara on YouTube that things finally clicked. YouTube was a total game-changer for me. I really loved his approach. The guy seems to be in a zen state almost constantly—just totally centered. I’ll admit, though, I’m not quite built that way. I don't think I'll ever reach that level of chill!

I was listening to this woman—she’s a musician, so take her perspective with a grain of salt—who was arguing that because the Earth is constantly rotating, it has to be emitting some kind of sound. We just can't hear it because it falls outside our frequency range. It got me thinking. It feels like all those meditation trends and people juggling mindfulness techniques are basically just tools to help you swallow the daily chaos without choking. You aren't actually fixing the mess around you. You aren't changing the world or stopping the madness. What you're doing is shifting your own lens. You stay right there in the middle of the wreckage, but you develop a different way of perceiving it. It makes the heavy stuff easier to stomach. And honestly? If you can change how you react to the people around you, that's a massive win in itself. Even if the scenery stays exactly the same.

It’s absolutely true—meditation really does build up your mental toughness. It gives you that extra layer of strength when things get heavy.

Nicole Barrett76 said:Haldol, I am truly sorry that you aren't eligible for disability benefits.

Could it be that diagnosing patients through the Kirlijanov effect—analyzing aura photographs, which remains a forbidden technology—would yield a far more precise diagnosis? Is it perhaps prohibited because it subjects the patient to high electrical voltage (and presumably high frequencies, though I cannot be certain of the latter)?

Yet, we do not forbid X-rays, which expose patients to radiation, nor do we ban CT scans that subject the body to barium slurry.

Ultimately, I suspect that analyzing aura photography would require doctors to cultivate a certain level of intuition, but since not all psychiatrists are introverts, how can this be achieved? Intuition cannot be mastered simply by reading books; rather, it must be developed through meditation. For instance, there is a Buddhist meditative practice that supposedly fosters faster spiritual growth than reciting endless prayers: one simply maintains awareness of the air entering the nostrils, feeling it touch every tiny hair inside, and observing how it brushes the area between the nose and the lip upon exiting. The core objective is to attain self-realization and understand your inner world, which serves as the precursor to God-knowledge. Some of their monks will spend hours upon hours engaged solely in this single exercise.

In any case, those living with Schizophrenia are generally advised against meditating, given that they are already prone to excessive passivity. Please, let this observation not trigger any thoughts regarding conspiracies, voices, thought broadcasting, or surveillance.

@Nakedness... it appears to me that your condition merely resembles Schizophrenia on the surface. Based on your recent posts, it is evident that you have made significant progress. If my understanding is correct—and please do correct me if I am mistaken—perhaps a specific chamber or a small portion of your brain is malfunctioning, causing what one might call a "short circuit."

Wait, are we talking about high voltage or high current? Those are two very different things. And honestly, that phrase "high voltage of current" makes zero sense to me. What is that even supposed to mean?

And by the way—all this talk about meditation being dangerous is just nonsense. I’m not talking about you personally, but the media and those other pundits. Look, I meditate myself. Not every single day, obviously, but when I do, I feel fine. It doesn't bother me at all. People just get it into their heads that it might be bad if you have Schizophrenia. Trust me, I sat down for thirty minutes three days in a row, and my head felt perfectly normal.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Harold Anderson3, please, everyone, just speak your mind. Even if it sounds like "complaining"—which isn't how I see it—it’s fine. If someone needs to vent, they should. To me, this is just part of living with an illness. There are highs and lows, and being able to talk or write about them is essential.
We all go through rough patches sometimes, and we all deal with certain limitations. That's why we're here for one another.

Are you feeling any better, Harold Anderson3? Were those pills making you too drowsy when you were already exhausted?
It all feels very familiar to me because I've spent a lot of time navigating similar circles.

I'm not as mentally stable as I would like to be. But I know why. One reason is that I'm traumatized by the diagnosis itself and everything I've endured—the spinal taps, the multiple hospital stays, spending more time in a hospital ward than at home, things like that. Back then, I didn't even know if I'd ever walk again; I just couldn't feel it. And I spent a long time in a wheelchair...
Then, suddenly, it all hit me. It was like a nasty kind of PTSD, and I think I'm still fighting it today. Even tonight, while I'm in remission, that fear can be so intense... it's hard to put into words.

I've talked to others living with MS and with my neurologist, and I learned that depression and emotional instability are actual symptoms of the disease.

Overall, I'm handling everything well, but tonight is just one of those heavy evenings.

Hang in there, Rebecca Rivera3.🙂.

Interesting read from Cindy. Personally, I’m a bit skeptical about the whole concept. To me, it feels like we have way more in common than what pulls us apart—and honestly, even those negative thoughts play a part in who we are. Is being happy all the time actually realistic? It sounds a bit... well, unrealistic. But hey, if you're curious, give it a look. It’s a pretty fascinating utopia they're describing here. Cindy Teevens: 5 mistakes we make in the pursuit of happiness

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Hey everyone, I just wanted to drop in to see how you all are doing and catch up on what's new. My experience might not be identical to yours, but I’ve walked a similar path, dealing with bouts of psychosis triggered by organic causes—basically, physiological irregularities in the brain.
It makes you wonder if everyone struggling with mental health issues is experiencing something similar that we just can't capture on an MRI yet, because it stems from something science hasn't fully mapped out. In my view, the brain of someone with these conditions is fundamentally different; after all, it’s capable of triggering such intense shifts in emotion and temperament, ranging from overwhelming pain that makes you want to give up on life to an indescribable euphoria that makes you feel like you're flying.

It’s fascinating how many questions science and medicine still can't answer, even while society continues to apply stigmas and try to pigeonhole mental illnesses into neat little categories.

I've personally tried Haloperidol and Clozaril, along with about 20 different antidepressants and various other medications, though I've taken fewer antipsychotics compared to the rest.

Way to go, Rebecca Rivera3. That was a beautiful post.

I am seriously losing my mind waiting for this damn movie to be finished. I can’t take it anymore. You told me yesterday it would be ready. Now I’m thinking I might need to find someone else to work with. That’s actually part of the plan—just like how I swapped out my other contact—so we can see what the audience thinks once it hits the screen. God, I swear. It has to be today. It has to be right now. It’s been over a month. I'm just sitting here, waiting and waiting. Hopefully, you'll reach out today like you promised. Don't you dare flake on me, because if you do, I am going to absolutely lose it.

Jessica Cooper5 said:Look, you don't have to like them. Maybe they're just swimming in a different direction than you are. Everyone finds their own flock eventually. I fail to see how your comment actually helps her.

Honestly, I haven't a clue. I was just throwing my two cents in.

I’ve never been a fan of women who are obsessed with nothing but the opera. Honestly? I feel like half of them are just completely frigid. Even saying that feels like a neutral observation, but it really says a lot to me. What’s even worse is when someone actually tries to suppress their own true nature just for the sake of "social etiquette" or whatever they call being polite.

Carl Rivera43 said:Do you think men's groups go a bit overboard sometimes?

What brings this up?

cosmicwolf19 said:You might have liked it, but at least you didn't drown.🤔

It wasn't cosmicwolf19—I wasn't even hanging out with the girls. It was just the guys. Honestly? A bunch of liars and frauds. And now this guy is over on that other thread asking if solitude is actually necessary. Well, yeah, of course it is. I wouldn’t be able to function without my alone time, especially being single like I am now. You need that space to get your head straight and figure out what actually matters in life. It’s like a total system reset; it keeps you from getting swept up in all that nonsense. That's how it works for me, anyway. Look, I truly believe there are good people out there, I really do, but some of these characters... they can be absolutely exhausting.

What am I even supposed to go on about here with you? Honestly, I couldn't care less! If you didn't catch my drift the first time, you aren't going to get it now.

Carl Rivera43 said:How on earth are you calling this a disaster for men?

Honestly, you're being ridiculous. I really need to stop reading this kind of nonsense; it just leaves me feeling miserable. I’ve finally found my peace, though. Thank God I have my own apartment to retreat to, where I can just dive straight into my own projects and stay busy. It doesn't even matter to me anymore. Everything has settled down. I came inside, closed the door, and that was that.

People just get under my skin, same as they do with me. I guess that’s why we get along so well. Most people? They really rub me the wrong way. They can be so incredibly mean sometimes, and God, the dishonesty. People will look you straight in the eye and lie through their teeth, knowing full well they're doing it. It’s honestly exhausting. Like Carol Ramos2 says, being genuine is a massive struggle in this cutthroat world. My biggest hurdle lately—ever since I scaled back on my meds—is that I’m constantly overflowing with inspiration. I love sparking something in the people I talk to, and I can see it landing well; people seem to dig it because, let’s face it, life is pretty mundane and fleeting. But nobody seems to inspire me back. All I get are these dreary stories about their lives. It’s like everyone has completely run out of juice, or they're just drowning in mediocrity, obsessing over the most trivial things imaginable. Where is the spark? Right now, the only true inspiration I have is my woman. She is my entire world. Everything else is just noise, and I’m counting down the days until I can finally settle down with her. This whole rest of the world feels meaningless, a total tragedy for men everywhere. A complete disaster...

Carl Rivera43 said:I honestly don't even know anymore. I've got this heavy weight from my past dragging behind me—just a massive pile of memories and these weird, vivid dreams. A close friend of mine actually thinks these downward spirals might be tied to some spiritual realm or something. My head is spinning with so many conflicting thoughts. I’ve been searching for ages for something to actually get me fired up, you know? So, I guess I get a little teary when people poke fun at me. Honestly, the way he acted? It wasn't exactly the most "manly" way to handle things.

Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that to you. You should probably just head to bed; it'll do you good. I think I'm going to go catch a movie myself.