Posts by Samuel Miller21

@wirednomad42,

I wanted to touch upon several different points here, rather than quoting everything directly, so I will simply offer my general reflections on the subject...

In my view, the single most important thing a parent can do is become truly aware of their own emotions regarding their child; compared to that, everything else is merely trivial.

In one of your posts, you mentioned... you don't know anyone who doesn't hold some grudge against their parents...and if I may say so, that suggests it is vital to you that your child holds no such resentment. In a way, it implies you are seeking their absolute respect, admiration, and total acceptance of you as a mother. Perhaps that stems from an underlying need for control.
You now have the opportunity to mold someone into a perfect being who will love you unconditionally—someone who sees nothing but good in you. I believe that is the deepest longing we all share.
And I suspect this is the exact crossroads where either normalcy or pathology is born. If you, as a mother, are conscious of this yearning to create a being that is "entirely yours"—absolutely devoted and attached—that awareness can serve as an inspiration for love and acceptance. However, if that longing is repressed, it can breed a series of pathological situations... for instance, stifling a child's development so they never stop needing you, ensuring they can never escape the reality where you remain their perfect deity.
Yet, in truth, that can never actually happen, because I don't know a single soul who doesn't idealize their parents, whether they do so consciously through adoration or through anger, which is really just a form of repressed adoration.
So, regardless of what you do, your child will adore you. Perhaps your only choice is whether you adore them simply because of their current and future adoration of you. 🙂

P.S. Regarding everything else, modern psychoanalysis generally holds that a child's psychological structure is built precisely because of those small, everyday mistakes parents make. If a parent never disappoints a child through any action whatsoever, that child will fail to develop the internal structures necessary for independent functioning. It seems nature itself expects parents to err, allowing the child—given enough love—to utilize those very mistakes to build their own psychological framework.

Have you ever paused to wonder why he specifically caught your eye, or why this sudden, turbulent wave of affection hit you so hard despite all the red flags? 😉

Perhaps—and I could be wrong—you might be navigating a bit of a personal crisis right now. Is it possible that being in a long-term relationship left you feeling stifled, making you crave a way to shatter the mold you've found yourself stuck in? Or perhaps there's a subconscious sense of guilt driving you toward self-punishment? Could it be that an underlying void or a general dissatisfaction with life is driving you to fixate so intensely on someone else's struggles? 🙂

When we find ourselves in destructive phases of life, many of us fall into that "savior complex"—that deeply ingrained urge to find someone broken and attempt to repair, rescue, or uplift them. It’s often just a projection of the healing we actually need to perform on ourselves, but it's much easier to focus those efforts on someone else. Alternatively, we might just be starving for purpose. Like Don Quixote, we conjure these grand romances and charge headlong at windmills, ignoring the skeptical looks from everyone around us, simply because our current reality feels too stagnant, too dull, or too unbearable to face. 🙂

Ultimately, I believe a relationship with an addict is incredibly taxing; there is very little room in such a dynamic for your own expectations, desires, or needs. In a situation like this, you often end up being the sole source of love, patience, and support—a near-constant wellspring of stability—while receiving only the most sporadic scraps in return.

Of course, as a person, you deserve a partner who meets you halfway, someone who can serve as your pillar of strength as well. But you won't find that kind of reciprocity among addicts. You might get a lot of things from them, but you will almost certainly never receive what you truly require or demand, because their internal wiring is simply too damaged to function that way. 😁
If you find that you cannot endure this, you have every right to seek happiness elsewhere, and no one has the standing to judge you for it.
If you choose to stay by his side, you can only truly help him if you first admit to yourself that you are tilting at windmills—that you are acting out of a specific internal necessity.
Otherwise, you aren't helping; you're just intensifying his guilt and reinforcing his need to use as an escape from the world.

Speaking for myself, if I were in the shoes of an addict, I would find a demand for drug testing infuriating. If I were actively using, it would be obvious; and if I had truly quit, it would feel like a stinging lack of trust from the one person I expected to provide support.
No matter how logical or well-intentioned that request might seem to an outsider.
The only real way you can help him as a partner is by maintaining his faith in the world—by showing him that there are kind, open-hearted people who won't judge or persecute him.
But let's be honest: that is no small feat, nor is it easy to pull off.

To summarize this long-winded thought: try to be brutally honest with yourself. Examine your motives and the reasons why you are staying. Accept his limitations as they are—the limitations of a recovering addict—specifically regarding what he is emotionally incapable of providing. Once you accept that, ask yourself if the relationship still makes sense in its raw, unvarnished form.

I hope you don't view this as me trivializing what you feel for him. That isn't my intention at all. It's just that, unfortunately, the most intense and passionate emotions—especially when they emerge in destructive circumstances—often serve to mask things within ourselves that we aren't ready to confront.
As long as we refuse to look inward, we end up running in circles, attracting people who embody our own internal conflicts. Sometimes, that isn't a bad thing, provided we remain self-aware and don't assign some magical, destined significance to the connection. 😉

I believe the primary issue arises if any lingering sense of shame remains—which is often just a logical byproduct of being socially marginalized. It seems to me that individuals dealing with psychological struggles possess an incredibly heightened sensitivity to shame. They find it particularly difficult to endure, especially when facing a psychotherapist, from whom they naturally expect a blueprint for happiness, fulfillment, and emotional maturity.

In my view, this factor is actually far more significant than the specific set of beliefs a person brings to the table. 🤷

To might be an oversimplification, but it is entirely possible that you are dealing with certain repressed issues. These are things you aren't consciously aware of, yet they project themselves outward, manifesting as troubling events that seem to haunt you—psychological stressors that cause genuine fear, leading you to instinctively flee from them.

Alternatively, perhaps a single, random occurrence that defied rational explanation triggered a deep-seated fear of losing your grip on reality. This could have spiraled into the paranoia that causes you to hear or see these other things. Is it possible that the true terror lies in that sensation of losing control, especially if you are someone who typically relies on maintaining order in all aspects of life?

Of course, I should mention that I am certainly no expert here; I only dabble in the works of Jung from time to time. That said, I firmly believe there is a logical psychological component at play. Perhaps it would be worth your while to sit down and speak with a professional psychoanalyst?

placidranger said:http://www.csicop.org/si/9701/quantum-quackery.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quantum_mysticism
I'm no physicist—thankfully, I have Google to do the heavy lifting. 😁

The bottom line? There’s zero evidence that consciousness or mere thoughts have any actual impact on physical reality.

However, within the psychological domain, consciousness *is* the reality. 🤷

William Nelson7 said:Well, now we’ve crossed a line. We shouldn't generalize like that. I'm certain at least 40% of people actually feel happy when others succeed. People aren't quite that much of an idiot.

I wouldn't be so quick to bet against that, 🤣

In my own experience, I could list plenty of people whose happiness truly brings me genuine joy, and there are quite a few of them—I'm certainly not some kind of total bitch😁... but those individuals are mostly people with whom I can identify within a specific context.
Perhaps I view them as an extension of myself.
Or perhaps I am simply the catalyst for their happiness, which happens to feed my own narcissistic fantasies of being all-powerful.

But if you take a closer look at any friendship... you'll find that friends frequently sabotage one another's happiness, wrapping their interference in a million excuses disguised as "concern."

I believe a person comes closest to the ideal of being a true humanitarian precisely when they realize how difficult it is for them to witness someone else's success.

Think about it: when people are happy, they don't actually need us (unless we are the ones generating that happiness). In moments of joy, people are strong, radiant... so, when you do the math, you have individuals who are powerful, shining, and entirely self-sufficient. Wouldn't that trigger even a tiny flicker of fear or envy in any reasonable person?

The real question is how a person chooses to respond to that feeling. Will they accept it as a natural human emotion, acknowledge it, and move toward a state of tolerance for others' happiness? Or will they suppress it and unconsciously work to bring that person down, claiming things like "it didn't end well," "they've changed," or "they've become too selfish"? 🙂

David Green11 said:Perhaps we should approach this question from a different angle: when those closest to you—your true friends and family—hit a massive winning streak where everything just seems to click perfectly into place, do you feel a genuine sense of joy for them?
I recall someone once making a rather cynical observation: There are two kinds of misfortune in this life; the bad luck that hits you personally, and the good luck that happens to everyone else!
I'm curious to hear your perspectives on that.

👍
That is an absolute truth. It is incredibly difficult for a person to stomach someone else's success, especially when it involves someone they can't quite relate to. I believe one of the hardest hurdles in life is learning how to move past the envy triggered by another person's happiness. 🤷

James Jackson79 said:Cause I need to watch things die... from a distance
Vice Media I live while the whole world dies
You all need it too, don't lie

This is a line from Tool's "Vicarious." The entire song hits on exactly what you're asking about... as soon as I read this thread, the lyrics came straight to mind. 😁

In theory, that kind of mindset is pretty twisted. Personally, when I see someone going through a harder time than me, it just pulls me down further and sends me into a depressive spiral. I don't think anyone should actually find joy in someone else's misfortune, but then again, people who have been dealt nothing but bad hands—who have faced constant injustice and pure bad luck—tend to get numb over time. They lose their empathy, and honestly, they might even find a sort of grim comfort in seeing others struggle.

👍 😍

There is a certain truth to be found here... hmm... when I first opened this thread, I was thinking about that heavy, tightening sensation one feels when witnessing someone else's misfortune. Then again, I have to admit there is some merit to the idea that people derive a strange sort of satisfaction from watching those who are less fortunate or struggling more than they are.

The real issue arises when we try to use someone else's tragedy to invalidate our own suffering. It often creates this crushing impression that we are invisible; we are clearly hurting, yet others insist that our pain isn't real. It feels as though the only way to handle being unseen or misunderstood is to seek validation through others, which ultimately only reinforces the feeling that we are utterly alone and unappreciated.

redmarlin3 said:I can pretty much guess where you found the inspiration for this thread. 🥳

It’s not like someone else’s misfortune is what drives your own happiness; if anything, it might spark a moment of actual empathy. It could force you to look at things through a different lens. Maybe even make you take a hard look at your own priorities and what you actually value...

The whole "having it all one day and losing it the next" mentality is easily the worst curse there is.

Haha, well, you aren't exactly my muse 😉...but let's pretend you are for a moment 🤣

As for empathy... I understand that it is generally the ultimate goal, but can we truly expect someone in a state of psychological distress to feel empathy for others?
Empathy sits quite high on the emotional hierarchy in terms of how demanding it is and the level of maturity required to achieve it.
One could argue that the very root of many psychological struggles is an inability to empathize—that fundamental loss of connection with other people.
Those trapped in states of total despair are often psychologically detached from everyone else, which renders them incapable of empathy. In order to be able to empathize, they would first need to find their way back to the community.

On the other hand, we are mostly dealing with imaginary figures... nowadays, we are constantly inundated with the misfortunes of strangers; you only have to pick up a newspaper to see it. If we actually attempted to empathize with every single person presented to us, we would suffer a complete mental breakdown. 🤷

When we are struggling with depression, the most common way people try to comfort us is by pointing out those who have it even worse—as if witnessing someone else's misery is supposed to somehow lift our spirits...

Those of us prone to depression are often also prone to intense feelings of guilt, which usually results in—or at least in my case, exacerbates—an even deeper depressive state.

Similarly, I constantly receive these chain emails filled with slideshows about starving children or the destitute, always paired with some lofty message about harmony, happiness, and finding peace.
Most of them feature that overused, award-winning photo of a malnourished child waiting for a vulture, all seasoned with these hollow humanitarian platitudes about enjoying life and appreciating the little things.

Is it just me, or is there something deeply perverse about this approach?
Should someone else's tragedy really be used as a motivator for our own happiness?

shadowcrane192 said:Stress management. Self-confidence.

Do you have any hobbies or activities that you genuinely enjoy and feel competent at? Or perhaps just something simple that brings you joy?
Engaging in those kinds of pursuits will boost your confidence far more effectively than any self-help book ever could.
You might feel like stepping away from them is neglecting your personal growth, but there is a certain irony in the fact that we often become better versions of ourselves precisely when we let go of the obsession with perfect self-improvement.

I first started coming across this kind of material when I was about 15 or 16...

The vast majority of these books rely on a specific archetype—the Cinderella complex, the outsider, the classic American Dream. Essentially, they place the reader in the position of a victim or an underdog, from whom the author intends to create a prince, a princess, or at the very least, a famous and wealthy individual surrounded by a massive circle of friends and perfect love, all through the "magic wand" of the book itself. 😁

One book I remember reading back then offered a structured plan divided into specific intervals—say, seven days to fix your health, seven days for your social life, seven for romance, and seven for your career. 🤣 The idea was that you would eventually manifest this flawless existence. 😁

My primary grievance with these types of books is how they market an idealized image. Rather than soothing the narcissistic urge for perfection, they usually exacerbate it. Instead of paying a price for an unattainable ideal, the reader feels that this perfect life is suddenly within reach just by finishing the final chapter.

Now, I don't want to be entirely cynical. Occasionally, these books can actually touch on something useful. For instance, I think the first book of this genre I ever picked up was titled something like "No is the Right Answer," or something along those lines. That particular book was actually quite decent because it targeted a very specific issue—the guilt one feels when trying to protect their own integrity. It wasn't exactly revolutionary or profound wisdom, but at that age, it provided a helpful sense of imaginary support.
I also recall one regarding fear; I can't remember the title now, but it was similarly mediocre.

Ultimately, my conclusion would be this: if you are facing a very specific problem and happen upon a book that addresses that exact issue, there is no harm in reading it, especially if it offers a bit of positive inspiration.
However, if you are seeking out these books simply because you feel a vague desire to change yourself—without having any clear idea of what needs changing or why, but being seduced by the word "power" in a title—then these authors are essentially hooking into your wounded narcissism. In reality, they are just delaying your progress by pushing you even deeper into the role of Cinderella.

I suspect your primary issue lies in an almost infantile psychological framework, 😁
(which I am essentially diagnosing within yourself, so please don't mistake my intention for a mere attempt at insult)

Looking back through your contributions to these discussions where our paths cross, I notice a recurring set of themes: mortality (the question of why we should assign value to life if everything is transient), selfishness (your various proofs for its existence and why this effectively strips human relationships of any foundation for beauty), and the inherent limitations of human willpower, among others.

To be fair, much of what you say is accurate; life is fleeting, insignificant when viewed against the backdrop of eternity, humans are inherently self-interested, and absolute altruism is a biological impossibility... things a mature adult should be capable of accepting.
Instead, you seem to react to life like an offended child who realizes they didn't get the toy they wanted—because their brother was lent it instead—throwing a tantrum and refusing to settle until someone steps in to tell them that life isn't actually that fleeting, or that altruism can be achieved through some specific formula just to make them feel better.

It feels as though you became stuck at some point during your childhood, and now you are attempting to use intellect to solve existential puzzles that simply cannot be solved, at least not from your current vantage point.
The reality is that you "simply" need to grow up and reach a stage where the truths your mind presents—such as the fact that absolute selflessness does not exist in humans—are both recognized as true and simultaneously bearable, allowing you to still find value, interest, and warmth in human connection despite those facts.

As for how one actually grows up... well, that is quite another matter entirely. 😁

lonegardener said:Is there such a thing as a "different" kind of family? 😲 🤣

All jokes aside... seriously though, I think you could find traces of what he’s talking about pretty much anywhere, whether it's subtle or glaringly obvious. At least, that's my take on it. 😲

Exactly... what Americans would call a "knee-jerk reaction." I just can't resist that kind of hollow philosophizing. At the end of the day, it all boils down to a handful of recurring motives circling the drain: motivation, selfishness, purpose, meaning... just endless combinations and variations of the same thing. Throw in a little politics and sociology, and wow—what a massive, messy pile of nonsense you get! 😠

Honestly, I always love the actual process of philosophizing—it’s great while it's happening—but that "after-taste" is just awful. You end up feeling like you haven't actually become any smarter, nor have you helped anyone else in the slightest. Though, I suppose if enough time passes, maybe it eventually becomes useful.

Exactly. That whole identity crisis issue 😢 ... IBM, when I remember high school, back when they had those psychology classes talking about an 'identity crisis'—it felt so ridiculous. What kind of dark crisis was that? Seriously, WTF? 🙄 😍

So, what would you say instead? Who or what are you, really?

IBM.. but this sounds a bit 'too good to be true,' almost overly positive. For instance, how would you answer these:
1. Are you certain that's actually the case, or rather, how can you possibly know?
2. How do I know you truly believe that, and aren't just trying to comfort yourself by repeating it because maybe you're dealing with the exact same thing?
3. Even if I assume you know and that it really is true—in that scenario, what is my center versus my periphery, and how do I tell them apart? 😕

This is such an intriguing question, and since I am just beginning to explore it, I find myself hesitant to commit to any single answer; doing so would rob me of the sheer thrill of discovery. 😁

However, as a brief introduction to my thoughts...
I used to believe that a person was defined solely by their abilities. In that view, you would simply assign a value to every skill on a scale and assemble them into a vector—that vector of values attached to specific capabilities, that would be the person. 😁
Nowadays, I find that perspective rather hollow; you might have the outlines, but the core is missing.
So, what is that core, and what defines it? I will start with your observation that we are driven by our desires. That feels close to my own definition of a human being, though I wouldn't go so far as to say we are strictly determined by desire—it seems too fleeting and external to serve as a true definition. Instead, I see it as certain internal patterns that dictate why we want or don't want something; essentially, we have internal "receptors" for desire, or perhaps internal objects capable of projecting themselves onto specific things in the world.

Jung discusses the concept of archetypes (and please forgive any seasoned scholars of Jung 😁 if my interpretation falls short; it is late, and my goal is to capture the inspiration behind my thoughts rather than provide a textbook definition). My impression is that these are elements that collectively resonate with all of us—motifs or patterns that stretch across the entirety of human history, carrying immense potential psychological energy. These archetypes then acquire a unique, personal layer within each individual.
Or, to put it in terms of object-oriented programming 😁—think of them as virtual classes from which our personal experiences are derived. Through life, these instances determine why we feel a profound connection to certain things 😍 while remaining entirely indifferent to others.
That is roughly how I envision my own individual core: a collection of those objects that shape my interests and generate that inner "call" toward certain pursuits or activities.

For instance, depression might be viewed as a state where we are unable to instantiate one of those "resonant" objects through our current circumstances.

Then, of course, we face the question of how those objects perceive themselves—that is, how they are instantiated within the main program. 😁 To what extent do they pass through the filter of consciousness (reason)? To what degree can we actually influence them, or indeed, to what degree should we? 🤷

In truth, one ought to strive toward something entirely selfless. If you succeed, perhaps a sense of self-satisfaction will emerge as a mere side effect. However, I believe we should attempt to hammer such self-satisfaction out of our minds—though these tendencies have a frustrating habit of rooting themselves deeper the harder you strike at them. I find myself under the distinct impression that the more intently I contemplate the concept of altruism, the more of a selfish piece of work I actually become.

My friend suggests a different approach: the most effective path to happiness is through the method of distraction.

The real question remains: will I ever truly break free from this cycle?

Oh, please, give me a break. 🙂
(I simply had to include this condescending little smiley face, even if it doesn't quite capture the exact tone I intended 🙂 )

electrictiger70 said:Exactly. Living someone else's life instead of your own will always catch up to you eventually. People might call you "selfish," but you are being selfish toward yourself and others if you don't choose what brings you joy. You cannot give anything meaningful to others if you are rotting from the inside.
👍👍 🙏 Enchantress, you have such a beautiful way of expressing yourself. After reading your posts, I always find myself feeling inspired. I am not sure why, but I do. 🤣

I couldn't agree more regarding her posts... I always experience that same sensation... a sudden surge of inspiration that makes me want to go out and create something wonderful... though, in reality, I usually just end up taking a walk around the neighborhood before coming right back to this forum. 😁

I had the exact same thought—Apple is a philosopher at heart; there is a deeply philosophical way he expresses himself and approaches thought.
And this is just precious. Can I be the maid of honor when you two finally cross paths? Whether it's at a county fair, a philosophy seminar, a psychology lecture, or an astrology workshop—wherever fate decides you meet!
(P.S. I promise there won't be any binary code at the wedding; just music, astrology, philosophy, the human soul, and psychology... personally, I’d probably just write poetry and philosophical quotes all over the walls!)
I'm teasing a little, but truly, you two are adorable.

Have you been diving into some psychoanalysis again? You're sounding remarkably romantic. 😁
Come on, don't be so modest—flaunt it a little, and maybe your wings will finally grow. 😛
😉

I have a suspicion that I might have lost him by leaning too heavily into my astrological enthusiasm. 😁 🤣

Amanda Roberts21 said:That thing that stays CONSTANT and cannot be CHANGED
isn't the SOURCE of your frustration.

That is your CENTER.

It's the PERIPHERY that gets to you.

You don't need to fix the periphery—it’s so inherently unstable that it’ll change on its own eventually. Just make sure you don't TRUST it in the meantime.🙂

👍

I find myself hoping that it remains just as volatile. When I reflect on it, I begin to suspect that this might be the very essence of all destructiveness—the desperate urge to tear down a flawed periphery.

I find myself deeply frustrated by these reflexive behaviors of mine—those moments when I find myself entangling myself in matters that hold absolutely no purpose or significance, driven solely by a surge of narcissism or mere habit. In those moments, it feels as though I am trampling over everything I actually value in life. It is as if some temporary persona, shaped entirely by my environment and completely disconnected from my true self, takes control, causing me to speak or think things that don't matter to me in the slightest.
It weighs on me because these episodes are such a waste of time; they tend to cloud my vision, making me lose sight of all the beautiful, interesting, and exhilarating aspects of existence.
Ultimately, these impulses lead toward a dull mire of exhausted ideas that are endlessly recycled—worn out and hollow, yet always delivered with the misplaced conviction that something profound has been said. As Kundera once observed: many people, very few ideas.

To be fair, I am specifically referring to those reflexive reactions where one acts out of compulsion rather than genuine interest. Not all philosophical inquiry needs to be this way; discourse fueled by actual passion is always far more engaging and inspiring.

lonegardener said:I know why...

I get frustrated with myself because I honestly feel like I'm brilliant, even though every single day I prove to myself that I'm actually as clueless as they come. It's strange how an intelligent person can be so hopelessly dense. 😲

I mean, I can go maybe five days without feeling the need to lecture someone, and then that's it... I can't hold out any longer. Is that some kind of obsessive-compulsive thing? Maybe an addiction? 😱

How should I put this... I realize that I don't know anything, yet somehow everything still feels crystal clear to me. 😬 And I just can't help it... the realization that I am completely unversed in so many fields of human knowledge doesn't actually instill any sense of respect or humility in me regarding the fact that other people know a massive amount about those subjects (different people knowing different things).

To be completely honest (at least on this subject, not generally 😈)—I think I first noticed this trait in other people, and it drove me absolutely crazy; then I realized I was exactly the same way. In fact, I probably get annoyed with those same people precisely because they are just like me. (It’s like those two goats fighting on a narrow ridge in one of those old fables).

I would love for someone to thoroughly prove to me that I have no idea what I'm talking about—but they'd have to do it impartially, neutrally, and with pure logic. Because if they get emotionally involved, I'll just dismiss it as their own ego trip or their own desperate need to act smart, or whatever. Just vanity, really. Vanitas vanitatum, etoga vanitas. Even when someone tries to convince me that it's perfectly fine to be vain, that it's normal and something I should just accept and make peace with... even doing that is usually driven by that same vanity, for themselves rather than for me. They say a dog doesn't bark for the sake of the village... and I see that clearly in myself. I'm the dog, and I'm not barking for the village; I'm barking for myself. And even the desire I have to bark for the village for just one day—even that is just another selfish wish. Damn. 😠 😠 😠

Thinking like this leaves me with this feeling of hopeless lack of freedom... sure, I can do whatever I want, but I can only want what I want and nothing else. When it comes to my own desires, I am totally conditioned and determined. I can't "want to want" something different than what I actually want. Well, I technically can—I'm doing it right now 😬—but then I fall into a total paradox and a logical loop that gives me a headache. Better go to sleep...

But what is the problem with that?
Lately, what haunts me most is the notion that we might be entirely undeterministic—that we could shift in any direction at any given moment. It isn't that I am suddenly overflowing with self-satisfaction in every aspect of my life, but rather this question: if no part of me is determined, then what am I? Am I merely a collection of characteristics that happened to coincide in time and space, and am I supposed to accept that accidental cluster as my "self"?
Just as much as the idea of absolute determinism terrifies me, so does the idea of ultimate indeterminism. Imagine if everything rested solely upon human will and choice... something so precarious, volatile, and unstable. 😲
Total indeterminism shatters my concept of an individual core. If I am defined by nothing, then I can believe in neither a purpose for my existence nor a necessity for my presence in the natural order. 🤷
Unless, of course, nature is nothing more than a statistician managing random events. 😁

I find myself wondering how people would actually react if he had phrased it this way: "I feel utterly depressed; I can't see the point in anything anymore. I am unable to connect with anyone, I can't seem to reach anyone emotionally, and I simply don't have the strength to keep going. I feel trapped, like I'm stuck in a loop with no exit. It feels like Hell."

Essentially, the sentiment remains identical, just without mentioning the unfortunate heartbreak that triggered this state.

(A question for the group: does the specific trigger tell us anything about the intensity or the permanence of the state someone is experiencing?)

It seems to me that the catalyst is entirely irrelevant. Ultimately, misery is something internal within a person that gets activated by an external force; what that specific force happens to be doesn't change the underlying reality.

lonegardener said:🙂

It sounds like you’re wishing there was some kind of time warp where you could just vanish for ten years to clear your head, without time racing past you like a bullet train...

But what's your direction? You mentioned that the original post resonated with you; does that mean you have a completely different interest, maybe art as well?

As for me, I enrolled in exactly what I thought I wanted and loved (Computer Science at MIT 😬)—but even that didn't bring me any happiness. Nowadays, I feel like I'm losing interest in that, too. Reading this opening post, I almost envy the author. Sure, it isn't easy, but at least there's passion involved. It's true, there are plenty of obstacles—but isn't it much worse when you become totally indifferent and nothing pulls at you anymore?

If I could, I'd love to offer you some comfort, but I truly don't know how. 😢

My internet cut out on me this morning, so I didn't get a chance to tell you how much I appreciated your words. You truly managed to comfort me—and honestly, you even put a smile on my face. 😘
Thank you.

Honestly, I don't really care if my car breaks down or gets totaled. I’m not exactly the type of person who obsesses over technical specs or demands high-performance engineering. As long as it gets me from point A to point B, I'm satisfied. 😁Honestly, I sometimes find myself wishing I could just be tucked away in an intensive care unit somewhere, maybe with a medical wrap over my mouth so I wouldn't even have to deal with the burden of answering questions. Wouldn't it be something? To simply lie there, existing in a state of total stillness, just vegetating until the world around me finally shifts into something different.
Or perhaps it is simply my own attempt to find a justification for being lazy.
I felt a wave of embarrassment this morning when I realized my last post sounded so incredibly dark... please believe me when I say I’m not actually in that headspace. Writing those kinds of things is just how I process stress and try to find some sense of calm. Still, it feels a bit heavy to look back on. To make matters worse, I ended up failing another exam, so I think I’ll give myself permission to wallow just a little bit today. I am officially postponing all self-control until tomorrow; today, I'm just letting myself feel the weight of it all.

At the very least, you have managed to forge a single association with the concept of fairness that isn't steeped in nothing but shame and guilt. 😘

Quincy:

So, what is your major? You mentioned that you see yourself reflected in the opening post; does that imply you have a completely different set of interests—perhaps an affinity for the arts as well? It’s funny how things work out. I went ahead and enrolled in exactly what I thought I wanted—Computer Science at MIT—thinking it was my true calling. Yet, even that didn't bring me any sense of fulfillment. Now, looking back, I feel like I'm losing interest in that field entirely. Reading this introductory post, I almost find myself envying the author. Sure, the path isn't easy, but at least there is some semblance of passion involved. There are plenty of obstacles to face, certainly—but isn't it actually worse when you become completely indifferent, where nothing seems to pull at you anymore?

And I am the computer science department.

My interests lie elsewhere, and I'm honestly not quite sure if I could even classify what I do as art. I write certain things, though I struggle to decide whether they truly qualify as poetry or if they fall into a different category altogether. 😁
To be honest, poetry just isn't how I define myself. I don't look at my own work and see someone like Sylvia Plath or anything of that caliber; I simply don't feel that level of creative abundance within me. 😁 In order to truly be perceived as a potential artist, perhaps even a poet, one must consider what is required to inhabit that identity authentically. Is it enough to simply possess the inclination, or does one need to cultivate a certain presence? To be taken seriously in those creative circles, there is an art to how one presents their soul to the world.
Perhaps I should view this as a facet of my own identity that I am compelled to weave into something greater. It is, quite frankly, the most intense passion I possess. There is this profound, driving desire to truly grasp the human condition—specifically when navigating the complexities of mental health and psychological struggles. This pull toward psychology and its various analytical branches isn't just an interest; it is a fundamental part of who I am.
I have recently found myself quite fascinated by astrology—though I am fully aware that such an interest might cause me to lose some standing in the eyes of the rationalists among us. 😳Even without any grounding in actual reality, I find the whole concept absolutely fascinating. There is something deeply captivating about such an ancient way of interpreting the human condition—it represents perhaps the most complex system of personality typing ever devised. To me, it isn't really about using it as some sort of predictive tool; rather, I see it as an inexhaustible collection of symbols, a truly remarkable architecture of the human psyche.
If I were to distill everything we’ve discussed into a single concept, I would point toward psychology—specifically, something akin to a psychoanalytic approach.
That is more or less my take, 🙂

Regarding that final point you made, a close friend of mine actually said something very similar... there is a certain happiness found in knowing there is an underlying force pulling at you, but I am not entirely sure. It also seems to trigger this sense of hysteria or suffocation; you find yourself physically doing one thing while your mind is occupied by another, eventually resulting in complete paralysis and total resignation.

As for you, I get the distinct impression that you have the potential to be a philosopher. I have gathered the sense that you genuinely relish these philosophical debates, and you possess a rather divergent way of thinking—one where a single starting point can blossom into a vast array of potential questions. I don't know... I certainly wouldn't claim to be an expert capable of offering a truly competent critique, but that is simply my impression. 🤷

Oh, and if you ever decide to work on that little gadget again, perhaps you could integrate a function for a painless shutdown... (unless I am being too dark here) just a way to facilitate a temporary shutdown.
It would save him from having to loop endlessly while dealing with those "index was out of range" errors and similar exceptions.

wiredbear2 said:Well, honestly, being miserable at your job isn't just some minor inconvenience... who knows what kind of health issues can stem from that kind of stress? People still tend to brush it off and fail to take any real action, partly because they don't even know where to turn for help. It’s as if they think anyone would just look at them in confusion for complaining, simply because they have a paycheck coming in.

I completely agree with you... and I want to clarify that my previous comment wasn't meant to be sarcastic, but was actually an attempt at a compliment. 🙂 Based on the things you've written, I got the impression that there is something genuinely motivating in your perspective—something that offers the hope that being unhappy isn't our only inevitable destiny, just because everyone else seems to be struggling too.