Posts by Ronald Rogers27

coastalviper2 said:I really hate having to vent about my personal struggles like this, but honestly, I feel like I’m reaching a breaking point here! I truly hope you all don't mind reading through this 😁...
I am dealing with some incredibly heavy issues within my family, particularly when it comes to my mother. It feels like we are constantly at odds because she tends to attack me verbally; she calls me stupid, incompetent, a sociopath, or just lazy. There is this immense pressure coming from her to find a job immediately—she doesn't want me to be a financial burden, though I personally have no desire to take some degrading, low-paying entry-level position right after finishing high school. She also pushes me to enroll in college here, but I really don't want to continue my education in the States; my dream is to study abroad, even though I realize that requires a massive amount of capital. On top of that, she pressures me to go out and socialize in the city, but I just don't have the headspace for it because I can't seem to relax or enjoy myself, and frankly, people in the city aren't exactly pleasant to be around. My mom constantly discourages me, telling me that I'll never make it or that my dreams are just unrealistic fantasies, and she even accuses me of lying or making things up. Other family members just tell me to shut up and suck it up, but sometimes I just snap, and that's when the confrontations with her really escalate. Even during the rare moments when we aren't fighting, there is this lingering awkwardness; I don't really view her as a mother figure, and she doesn't act like I'm her son or anything like that. She has this way of systematically tearing down my self-confidence, my dignity, and my pride. I would love nothing more than to move out, but I simply don't have the money for an apartment (and even if I did, I wouldn't want to live in this area), nor would I want to crash with relatives or friends because the embarrassment would be too much to bear. To try and scrape some money together, I've been attempting to start some online work—though I'm quite uncertain if it will actually succeed—and I'm thinking that if it takes off, I might be able to save enough to move abroad to study while working simultaneously.
I'm starting to think I seriously need to see a psychiatrist or a psychologist (I've sought help before, but I felt like they didn't truly understand my perspective), so does anyone have a recommendation for a good doctor, or should I perhaps apply through the unemployment office to access free services?

You already gave yourself the answer. Nobody is going to hand you opportunities on a silver platter; you have to create them yourself. It’s time to roll up your sleeves and get to work... 👍

coastalviper2 said:I really hate having to vent about my personal struggles like this, but honestly, I feel like I’m reaching a breaking point here! I truly hope you all don't mind reading through this 😁...
I am dealing with some incredibly heavy issues within my family, particularly when it comes to my mother. It feels like we are constantly at odds because she tends to attack me verbally; she calls me stupid, incompetent, a sociopath, or just lazy. There is this immense pressure coming from her to find a job immediately—she doesn't want me to be a financial burden, though I personally have no desire to take some degrading, low-paying entry-level position right after finishing high school. She also pushes me to enroll in college here, but I really don't want to continue my education in the States; my dream is to study abroad, even though I realize that requires a massive amount of capital. On top of that, she pressures me to go out and socialize in the city, but I just don't have the headspace for it because I can't seem to relax or enjoy myself, and frankly, people in the city aren't exactly pleasant to be around. My mom constantly discourages me, telling me that I'll never make it or that my dreams are just unrealistic fantasies, and she even accuses me of lying or making things up. Other family members just tell me to shut up and suck it up, but sometimes I just snap, and that's when the confrontations with her really escalate. Even during the rare moments when we aren't fighting, there is this lingering awkwardness; I don't really view her as a mother figure, and she doesn't act like I'm her son or anything like that. She has this way of systematically tearing down my self-confidence, my dignity, and my pride. I would love nothing more than to move out, but I simply don't have the money for an apartment (and even if I did, I wouldn't want to live in this area), nor would I want to crash with relatives or friends because the embarrassment would be too much to bear. To try and scrape some money together, I've been attempting to start some online work—though I'm quite uncertain if it will actually succeed—and I'm thinking that if it takes off, I might be able to save enough to move abroad to study while working simultaneously.
I'm starting to think I seriously need to see a psychiatrist or a psychologist (I've sought help before, but I felt like they didn't truly understand my perspective), so does anyone have a recommendation for a good doctor, or should I perhaps apply through the unemployment office to access free services?

_______

coastalviper2 said:I really hate having to vent about my personal struggles like this, but honestly, I feel like I’m reaching a breaking point here! I truly hope you all don't mind reading through this 😁...
I am dealing with some incredibly heavy issues within my family, particularly when it comes to my mother. It feels like we are constantly at odds because she tends to attack me verbally; she calls me stupid, incompetent, a sociopath, or just lazy. There is this immense pressure coming from her to find a job immediately—she doesn't want me to be a financial burden, though I personally have no desire to take some degrading, low-paying entry-level position right after finishing high school. She also pushes me to enroll in college here, but I really don't want to continue my education in the States; my dream is to study abroad, even though I realize that requires a massive amount of capital. On top of that, she pressures me to go out and socialize in the city, but I just don't have the headspace for it because I can't seem to relax or enjoy myself, and frankly, people in the city aren't exactly pleasant to be around. My mom constantly discourages me, telling me that I'll never make it or that my dreams are just unrealistic fantasies, and she even accuses me of lying or making things up. Other family members just tell me to shut up and suck it up, but sometimes I just snap, and that's when the confrontations with her really escalate. Even during the rare moments when we aren't fighting, there is this lingering awkwardness; I don't really view her as a mother figure, and she doesn't act like I'm her son or anything like that. She has this way of systematically tearing down my self-confidence, my dignity, and my pride. I would love nothing more than to move out, but I simply don't have the money for an apartment (and even if I did, I wouldn't want to live in this area), nor would I want to crash with relatives or friends because the embarrassment would be too much to bear. To try and scrape some money together, I've been attempting to start some online work—though I'm quite uncertain if it will actually succeed—and I'm thinking that if it takes off, I might be able to save enough to move abroad to study while working simultaneously.
I'm starting to think I seriously need to see a psychiatrist or a psychologist (I've sought help before, but I felt like they didn't truly understand my perspective), so does anyone have a recommendation for a good doctor, or should I perhaps apply through the unemployment office to access free services?

Life is a pretty harsh thing in all its different forms (and city life is just one small slice of that unpleasantness). Saying you aren't "in the mood" for life doesn't really work, because life eventually forces you into a corner where there's no way out... 🤷

I'll give you one solid piece of advice, kid: "who risk wins..." 😉

Ronald Rogers27

Peter Stewart18 said:Yeah, fine, call me a chronic alcoholic. It’s been my lifestyle for years now.
I’m not exactly sipping a cocktail at brunch; I’m talking about getting absolutely trashed every single night, all by myself.
I tried using Xanax to take the edge off, but it’s just not working. It numbs me slightly, sure, but I can’t actually fall asleep without slamming a massive dose—and then I just wake up feeling like a zombie the next day because of how late I passed out.
I really need to head out to Napa Valley for some help, but I’m terrified they’re going to force me into a multi-week residential program. I heard there might be an option for daily outpatient check-ins instead, which would be ideal because I start a new job soon and I can't be out of commission.
And Carbamazepine? Total garbage. I take it and still don't even get the urge to throw up.
What are the actual odds that I can just stick to daily "consultations" and avoid being locked up in a facility?
Also, is it even possible for someone who’s been binge drinking for years to scale back to just having a glass of wine with dinner—you know, the good old days—or am I looking at cutting this addiction off at the root?

I’m on Xanax, and obviously, I know I shouldn't mix it with booze, but I have zero self-control right now and I desperately need clinical support.

Am I looking at mandatory rehab? Please, if anyone has experience or advice, hit me up. 🙂

I can't help but look at your situation and break it down. The fact that you’re starting a job soon but still have enough cash to buy top-shelf liquor tells me everything. There’s clearly an outside source funding this "hobby" of yours—someone who probably has no clue they’re actually helping you sink even deeper.

You really need to ask yourself one thing: why are you alone every night? Why is there this massive void in your life that you feel the need to fill with booze instead of doing anything else? Wouldn't it be better to just find a guy? Maybe the same guy every other night, unless there’s some major physical reason why that isn't an option (like being significantly overweight)? 🤷

If you're drinking to the point of passing out, it might prove my point. Fat stores can actually slow down alcohol absorption, meaning you could keep drinking for hours before your brain finally shuts off!👎

Peter Stewart18 said:Yeah, fine, call me a chronic alcoholic. It’s been my lifestyle for years now.
I’m not exactly sipping a cocktail at brunch; I’m talking about getting absolutely trashed every single night, all by myself.
I tried using Xanax to take the edge off, but it’s just not working. It numbs me slightly, sure, but I can’t actually fall asleep without slamming a massive dose—and then I just wake up feeling like a zombie the next day because of how late I passed out.
I really need to head out to Napa Valley for some help, but I’m terrified they’re going to force me into a multi-week residential program. I heard there might be an option for daily outpatient check-ins instead, which would be ideal because I start a new job soon and I can't be out of commission.
And Carbamazepine? Total garbage. I take it and still don't even get the urge to throw up.
What are the actual odds that I can just stick to daily "consultations" and avoid being locked up in a facility?
Also, is it even possible for someone who’s been binge drinking for years to scale back to just having a glass of wine with dinner—you know, the good old days—or am I looking at cutting this addiction off at the root?

I’m on Xanax, and obviously, I know I shouldn't mix it with booze, but I have zero self-control right now and I desperately need clinical support.

Am I looking at mandatory rehab? Please, if anyone has experience or advice, hit me up. 🙂

Try calming down with Tomislav, or Ivica, or... whoever you want your boyfriend to be. After that, you'll sleep like a baby and wake up feeling refreshed, sharp, and ready to crush it at work. 😛

Peter Stewart18 said:Yeah, fine, call me a chronic alcoholic. It’s been my lifestyle for years now.
I’m not exactly sipping a cocktail at brunch; I’m talking about getting absolutely trashed every single night, all by myself.
I tried using Xanax to take the edge off, but it’s just not working. It numbs me slightly, sure, but I can’t actually fall asleep without slamming a massive dose—and then I just wake up feeling like a zombie the next day because of how late I passed out.
I really need to head out to Napa Valley for some help, but I’m terrified they’re going to force me into a multi-week residential program. I heard there might be an option for daily outpatient check-ins instead, which would be ideal because I start a new job soon and I can't be out of commission.
And Carbamazepine? Total garbage. I take it and still don't even get the urge to throw up.
What are the actual odds that I can just stick to daily "consultations" and avoid being locked up in a facility?
Also, is it even possible for someone who’s been binge drinking for years to scale back to just having a glass of wine with dinner—you know, the good old days—or am I looking at cutting this addiction off at the root?

I’m on Xanax, and obviously, I know I shouldn't mix it with booze, but I have zero self-control right now and I desperately need clinical support.

Am I looking at mandatory rehab? Please, if anyone has experience or advice, hit me up. 🙂

If you keep going like this, you're going to get a red card at work. There's no way you'll keep a decent job if it requires any actual focus—unless it's something incredibly basic like being a janitor or a barista. Even those jobs are at risk if you spend several nights in a row getting blackout drunk.

You need to cut off that outside source providing the money that makes you feel "independent." Nothing lasts forever. Think about it. 🙄

(think about trying some natural therapy: start getting active, and I don't mean just hitting the gym—I mean actually getting into a sport you love)

Ronald Rogers27

lonegardener said:Well, now. 😍

Well, look, I’ll take the hit here—it's my own fault for being vague. I honestly thought we were on the same page and weren't talking about these kinds of trivial cases. You know how it goes with Fermat's Last Theorem: $x^n + y^n = z^n$ has no integer solutions for any $n > 2$... *except* for the trivial ones. I tend to gloss over that "except for the trivial ones" part because, in my head, it feels like a given.
Look, of course I’m going to open an umbrella if it starts pouring. That’s just common sense. But were you actually *forced* to move to the States under circumstances that are logically identical to that? I don't think so. Most real-life situations aren't nearly as trivial as the example you're using. In the real world, life almost always presents a set of pros and cons. The actual problem arises when you're unable to weigh those conflicting sides against each other. In the examples you provided, there is only a "pro" and absolutely no "con." There's no hesitation and no doubt, so naturally, there isn't a problem to solve.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately... seriously, a lot. So, tell me—are you absolutely certain this all comes down to my own negligence? Why couldn't you consider that this might just be a string of bad luck, something completely out of my control? Is there some unwritten rule I'm missing here? That a person is always, inherently, the architect of their own misfortune?

Spot on—that’s pretty much how I’d approach it too. But let’s broaden the perspective a bit. Imagine you wake up naked in the middle of the Mojave Desert, and next to you is a canteen of water that you estimate will last about five days. You realize you’re a rational being, but you also notice you have total amnesia. You don't even know your own name, let alone how you ended up out there. Was someone placed here intentionally? Is this some kind of experiment? Did a natural disaster strike? There are simply no answers.

Now, regarding those mechanisms you described above. To be honest, I'm not an expert on the actual survival odds deep in the desert... whether one can actually find water the way you suggest. Maybe there aren't any cacti anywhere, maybe there isn't any other life... anyway, that's beside the point. The whole thing hinges on those five days; the desert is just a mental image. You KNOW that five days is roughly the window you have left. Pick whatever imagery works for you; if the desert doesn't fit, imagine you're drifting in the middle of the Pacific with no way to desalinate the water, and no rain is coming for at least five days. It really doesn't matter.

If you haven't caught my drift yet—though it seems obvious to me—I am clearly describing that existential state of "thrownness into the world." For me personally, it triggers the exact feeling Jean-Paul Sartre captured in Nausea. You could argue that I'm "reducing" reality or ignoring "important" details, but I don't see it that way. Someone could look at this desert scenario and say, "It's not all bad; you could collect grains of sand and marvel at their shapes; you could doodle art in the dunes; you could watch the stunning shades of blue in the sky shift throughout the day; when night falls, you could gaze at the stars and wonder if there's life on other planets," and so on. Of course, one can always find a distraction, no argument there... I certainly always find some way to keep myself busy, even if it's just writing nonsense on a forum 😬

I moved to the USA because everyone back in Mexico basically declared me dead. They treated me like I was just waiting to retire. Like my daily routine was just heading down to Coney Island after work at 3:00 PM to play some hoops and sunbathing on wooden benches during my breaks. And man, I’ve still got a long way to go before retirement... maybe another 25 years! I had plenty of motivation, but honestly, pure spite was what finally kicked me out of that years-long slump. Spite. In just one year, I've turned my whole world upside down. My life is changing at movie speed—switching jobs, renting different cars every week, moving between states, even changing wives... Back in New York City, I lived the life of a tiny field mouse. I had my little routine, an insignificant job, a tiny paycheck, and I was a total loner... but all this chaos hasn't actually changed who I am deep down. I'm still that same Ronald Rogers from New York, the guy just sharing a beer with his teammates after the game... ☕

Now I'm alone, just processing everything. This job is brutal and it takes everything out of me, but the money? It's unimaginable compared to the Mediterranean (and even by US standards)... Two months ago, I was in a complete black hole, trapped in a dead end. Then, with one single move, I flipped the script on my desperate struggle to survive. Now I'm just sitting here wondering what comes next. 🤷

lonegardener said:Well, now. 😍

Well, look, I’ll take the hit here—it's my own fault for being vague. I honestly thought we were on the same page and weren't talking about these kinds of trivial cases. You know how it goes with Fermat's Last Theorem: $x^n + y^n = z^n$ has no integer solutions for any $n > 2$... *except* for the trivial ones. I tend to gloss over that "except for the trivial ones" part because, in my head, it feels like a given.
Look, of course I’m going to open an umbrella if it starts pouring. That’s just common sense. But were you actually *forced* to move to the States under circumstances that are logically identical to that? I don't think so. Most real-life situations aren't nearly as trivial as the example you're using. In the real world, life almost always presents a set of pros and cons. The actual problem arises when you're unable to weigh those conflicting sides against each other. In the examples you provided, there is only a "pro" and absolutely no "con." There's no hesitation and no doubt, so naturally, there isn't a problem to solve.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately... seriously, a lot. So, tell me—are you absolutely certain this all comes down to my own negligence? Why couldn't you consider that this might just be a string of bad luck, something completely out of my control? Is there some unwritten rule I'm missing here? That a person is always, inherently, the architect of their own misfortune?

Spot on—that’s pretty much how I’d approach it too. But let’s broaden the perspective a bit. Imagine you wake up naked in the middle of the Mojave Desert, and next to you is a canteen of water that you estimate will last about five days. You realize you’re a rational being, but you also notice you have total amnesia. You don't even know your own name, let alone how you ended up out there. Was someone placed here intentionally? Is this some kind of experiment? Did a natural disaster strike? There are simply no answers.

Now, regarding those mechanisms you described above. To be honest, I'm not an expert on the actual survival odds deep in the desert... whether one can actually find water the way you suggest. Maybe there aren't any cacti anywhere, maybe there isn't any other life... anyway, that's beside the point. The whole thing hinges on those five days; the desert is just a mental image. You KNOW that five days is roughly the window you have left. Pick whatever imagery works for you; if the desert doesn't fit, imagine you're drifting in the middle of the Pacific with no way to desalinate the water, and no rain is coming for at least five days. It really doesn't matter.

If you haven't caught my drift yet—though it seems obvious to me—I am clearly describing that existential state of "thrownness into the world." For me personally, it triggers the exact feeling Jean-Paul Sartre captured in Nausea. You could argue that I'm "reducing" reality or ignoring "important" details, but I don't see it that way. Someone could look at this desert scenario and say, "It's not all bad; you could collect grains of sand and marvel at their shapes; you could doodle art in the dunes; you could watch the stunning shades of blue in the sky shift throughout the day; when night falls, you could gaze at the stars and wonder if there's life on other planets," and so on. Of course, one can always find a distraction, no argument there... I certainly always find some way to keep myself busy, even if it's just writing nonsense on a forum 😬

Yeah, I agree with this part: a person can influence their life, and the stronger they are, the more control they have over their destiny. Now we hit the core of your philosophical debate: Am I—someone clearly strong enough to pull a 180-degree turn on my entire life—actually satisfied with what I've achieved?

Not really, and that realization adds a lot of fuel to your philosophical fire! 🙄

lonegardener said:Well, now. 😍

Well, look, I’ll take the hit here—it's my own fault for being vague. I honestly thought we were on the same page and weren't talking about these kinds of trivial cases. You know how it goes with Fermat's Last Theorem: $x^n + y^n = z^n$ has no integer solutions for any $n > 2$... *except* for the trivial ones. I tend to gloss over that "except for the trivial ones" part because, in my head, it feels like a given.
Look, of course I’m going to open an umbrella if it starts pouring. That’s just common sense. But were you actually *forced* to move to the States under circumstances that are logically identical to that? I don't think so. Most real-life situations aren't nearly as trivial as the example you're using. In the real world, life almost always presents a set of pros and cons. The actual problem arises when you're unable to weigh those conflicting sides against each other. In the examples you provided, there is only a "pro" and absolutely no "con." There's no hesitation and no doubt, so naturally, there isn't a problem to solve.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately... seriously, a lot. So, tell me—are you absolutely certain this all comes down to my own negligence? Why couldn't you consider that this might just be a string of bad luck, something completely out of my control? Is there some unwritten rule I'm missing here? That a person is always, inherently, the architect of their own misfortune?

Spot on—that’s pretty much how I’d approach it too. But let’s broaden the perspective a bit. Imagine you wake up naked in the middle of the Mojave Desert, and next to you is a canteen of water that you estimate will last about five days. You realize you’re a rational being, but you also notice you have total amnesia. You don't even know your own name, let alone how you ended up out there. Was someone placed here intentionally? Is this some kind of experiment? Did a natural disaster strike? There are simply no answers.

Now, regarding those mechanisms you described above. To be honest, I'm not an expert on the actual survival odds deep in the desert... whether one can actually find water the way you suggest. Maybe there aren't any cacti anywhere, maybe there isn't any other life... anyway, that's beside the point. The whole thing hinges on those five days; the desert is just a mental image. You KNOW that five days is roughly the window you have left. Pick whatever imagery works for you; if the desert doesn't fit, imagine you're drifting in the middle of the Pacific with no way to desalinate the water, and no rain is coming for at least five days. It really doesn't matter.

If you haven't caught my drift yet—though it seems obvious to me—I am clearly describing that existential state of "thrownness into the world." For me personally, it triggers the exact feeling Jean-Paul Sartre captured in Nausea. You could argue that I'm "reducing" reality or ignoring "important" details, but I don't see it that way. Someone could look at this desert scenario and say, "It's not all bad; you could collect grains of sand and marvel at their shapes; you could doodle art in the dunes; you could watch the stunning shades of blue in the sky shift throughout the day; when night falls, you could gaze at the stars and wonder if there's life on other planets," and so on. Of course, one can always find a distraction, no argument there... I certainly always find some way to keep myself busy, even if it's just writing nonsense on a forum 😬

I see what you mean... Basically, life splits people into two main groups, which then break down into four types: the fighters and the "easy targets." Fighters split into those with no conscience and those who actually have principles. Then you have the hedonists: those who gave in because they were weak, and those who genuinely enjoy living life...

If you rewatch Titanic, you'll get exactly what I'm talking about. Both fanatics and hedonists eventually fall to Fate. The key is having faith in yourself or in God. But if you're a true ascetic—like I am—maybe you can actually grab the helm of Life and start making things happen, instead of just waiting for the end while doodling in the sand or daydreaming about distant galaxies...

The real question is, what's the point? People like me can't just relax and enjoy life, and Life will always come out on top, crushing us as we try to fight back! 😛

(participation matters) 👍

Ronald Rogers27

I don't have the time or space to reply to everything you wrote, but I'll try to give you some answers...

lonegardener said:😲 It has always fascinated me about you guys from the "Eastern Bloc" (don't take that the wrong way)—you seem to have this capacity for being brutally honest with yourselves. How does that song go from *Better Call Saul*?

I want life, a better life
to grab it like a tiger
life isn't child's play
I want more, I want even better
I want it all, come what may
but what's the point if I don't belong to that breed
because life demands better people.

Now, as far as I'm concerned—it's possible that I've actually been somewhat privileged, as you suggest. I haven't (yet 😲) ever been in a situation where I had to fight tooth and nail just to stay alive. But then again, that's relative. I don't believe you were forced to move to the USA solely for basic survival. You can live on bread and water... you don't necessarily need ice cream... or enough hot water so you aren't worrying about the utility bill. To me, I'd rather be a guy living on the streets than live the kind of life you're describing ("tooth and nail"). I realize this might sound like I'm acting like a spoiled, pampered mama's boy—and maybe I am giving off that impression—but if you knew my actual living conditions, how I live, my actual needs, and my relationship with luxury or comfort, I don't think you'd still think that.

No, that isn't unselfishness... I don't accept that kind of "unselfishness," and I don't believe any amount of necessity would force me into it.

How will they react? Probably not well. It’s similar to how I feel about that "selflessness" born out of necessity that you mentioned—it just doesn't sit right with me. To be honest, I have no appreciation for "selflessness" when it's driven by impulse, let alone when it's forced by circumstance.

Well, you make a fair point—who actually needs a selfish "friend"? I’d frame it differently: who really needs an "unselfish" friend out of pure necessity? What's the real difference there? Because if that "unselfish" friend happens to find themselves in a position where they no longer *need* anything from you, they'll likely turn selfish pretty quickly. Wouldn't you agree?

If you frame it like that, friendship becomes an impossibility. It turns into either a massive ego trip or nothing more than raw necessity—or, if you’re being generous, just a transaction. At that point, friendship is basically a contract where both sides trade assets just to get something else in return. And the moment one side can't pay up anymore, the whole obligation vanishes like it never existed. Is that really all there is to it? Are you saying that sheer desperation is what forced you to accept a situation like that?

Ha—I think you're right about that. But honestly, I don't think I’d be any happier even if I did have a massive circle of friends just out of necessity. There's no real fulfillment in being "friends" with people simply because it serves an ego trip or a business deal. To be truthful, I'm pretty sure I'd still be just as unhappy.

Basically, you keep bringing up "necessity" like it’s the only thing that matters. But look at it this way: when someone is being impaled on a stake, they certainly feel a "necessity" to get off it, right? My point is, simply feeling a need doesn't define anything if there isn't a clear course of action available to actually fix the situation. The same goes for me. I don't believe life's pressures will ever force my hand, mostly because I won't necessarily know *how* to satisfy those demands. Think of it like this: imagine I'm stranded in the middle of the Mojave Desert with almost no water left. Once that last drop is gone, I might fall into total despair—but since there isn't a single source of water for miles, what exactly is that desperation going to force me to do? What would you do if you were alone in the desert without water? Would you start digging frantically in the sand, hoping against hope that you'd find a spring? Would you just start running in a random direction, praying it leads you out of the dunes? Or would you do something else entirely?

You think so? Let’s bet money that if you sit on a hot stove burner and someone cranks it to max, you’re going to jump off almost instantly—or your skin is gonna sizzle. We can also bet that if a crazed guy with a club starts charging at you, you WON'T just stay calm. You’ll react—you'll grab a rock, duck, run, or scramble toward someone else. You'll know exactly how to meet that need, because if you don't, things are going to get ugly, fast.😲

lonegardener said:😲 It has always fascinated me about you guys from the "Eastern Bloc" (don't take that the wrong way)—you seem to have this capacity for being brutally honest with yourselves. How does that song go from *Better Call Saul*?

I want life, a better life
to grab it like a tiger
life isn't child's play
I want more, I want even better
I want it all, come what may
but what's the point if I don't belong to that breed
because life demands better people.

Now, as far as I'm concerned—it's possible that I've actually been somewhat privileged, as you suggest. I haven't (yet 😲) ever been in a situation where I had to fight tooth and nail just to stay alive. But then again, that's relative. I don't believe you were forced to move to the USA solely for basic survival. You can live on bread and water... you don't necessarily need ice cream... or enough hot water so you aren't worrying about the utility bill. To me, I'd rather be a guy living on the streets than live the kind of life you're describing ("tooth and nail"). I realize this might sound like I'm acting like a spoiled, pampered mama's boy—and maybe I am giving off that impression—but if you knew my actual living conditions, how I live, my actual needs, and my relationship with luxury or comfort, I don't think you'd still think that.

No, that isn't unselfishness... I don't accept that kind of "unselfishness," and I don't believe any amount of necessity would force me into it.

How will they react? Probably not well. It’s similar to how I feel about that "selflessness" born out of necessity that you mentioned—it just doesn't sit right with me. To be honest, I have no appreciation for "selflessness" when it's driven by impulse, let alone when it's forced by circumstance.

Well, you make a fair point—who actually needs a selfish "friend"? I’d frame it differently: who really needs an "unselfish" friend out of pure necessity? What's the real difference there? Because if that "unselfish" friend happens to find themselves in a position where they no longer *need* anything from you, they'll likely turn selfish pretty quickly. Wouldn't you agree?

If you frame it like that, friendship becomes an impossibility. It turns into either a massive ego trip or nothing more than raw necessity—or, if you’re being generous, just a transaction. At that point, friendship is basically a contract where both sides trade assets just to get something else in return. And the moment one side can't pay up anymore, the whole obligation vanishes like it never existed. Is that really all there is to it? Are you saying that sheer desperation is what forced you to accept a situation like that?

Ha—I think you're right about that. But honestly, I don't think I’d be any happier even if I did have a massive circle of friends just out of necessity. There's no real fulfillment in being "friends" with people simply because it serves an ego trip or a business deal. To be truthful, I'm pretty sure I'd still be just as unhappy.

Basically, you keep bringing up "necessity" like it’s the only thing that matters. But look at it this way: when someone is being impaled on a stake, they certainly feel a "necessity" to get off it, right? My point is, simply feeling a need doesn't define anything if there isn't a clear course of action available to actually fix the situation. The same goes for me. I don't believe life's pressures will ever force my hand, mostly because I won't necessarily know *how* to satisfy those demands. Think of it like this: imagine I'm stranded in the middle of the Mojave Desert with almost no water left. Once that last drop is gone, I might fall into total despair—but since there isn't a single source of water for miles, what exactly is that desperation going to force me to do? What would you do if you were alone in the desert without water? Would you start digging frantically in the sand, hoping against hope that you'd find a spring? Would you just start running in a random direction, praying it leads you out of the dunes? Or would you do something else entirely?

Well, the outlook isn't great. But maybe you could take a second to remember how you ended up in this mess? And why were you careless enough to let it happen in the first place?

If I were stuck in the desert, I'd start thinking. Where am I? Exactly where am I located? Can I figure out North, South, East, or West by looking at the shadows and the sun? What does the terrain look like—is it nothing but sand dunes for miles, or is there something different on the horizon? Are there birds nearby? If so, what kind? Is there any wildlife—snakes, lizards, scorpions—that I could use for food? Are there cacti, and if so, how can I get moisture out of them? I'd focus on conserving energy, finding shade to hide from the sun, and moving at night while resting during the day...

Like you see, it's not nothing; I've got plenty of ideas. I definitely wouldn't act like a headless chicken (I wouldn't just run around aimlessly or dig holes in the sand for no reason). I'd do exactly what I just described. 👍

Ronald Rogers27

Look, I’m totally with you. If I could afford to be lazy, I’d be lazy. If I could be selfish, I’d be incredibly selfish. I’d have 33 girlfriends if I could... 😂

But the thing is, I CAN'T. To survive this desperation—I actually wrote about this two months ago in my philosophy class, where we had two prompts describing my struggles in the American *gladiator* arena—I had to adapt aggressively. Life is fundamentally unfair. But to stay alive, I simply don't have the luxury of being self-pitying or selfish. I can't waste energy threatening the winners after I lose a fight, because I need every ounce of strength for the next battle. Besides, those winners can come back and take my head off, or at least put me in a cage...

What I'm getting at is this: you become unselfish out of necessity. You build emotional depth out of necessity. You learn how life works out of necessity. Necessity forces selfless behavior and a real understanding of your own limits...

The end result? I'm actually pretty happy with myself. Necessity forced me to level up. It pushed me to grow mentally and physically over the years just so I COULD endure the brutal fight against American alligators that show no mercy... So, through sheer necessity, I reached a level that satisfies me...

(And necessity taught me a lot of life lessons, most importantly, that *everything changes except the stones*) 🤣
_______

So you say you're unhappy because you're selfish? Well, clearly you have the capacity for it, but try framing the problem differently: *strip away* your defenses and just be selfish. Then you'll see how people really react to you. It's not just that you're unhappy because society rejects you; it's that, implicitly, people don't actually like you. They just hide it to serve their own interests, but you feel it, and that's why you're feeling this dissatisfaction. People don't just accept selfishness as normal.

If you take away everyone's selfish motives, some people will throw your selfishness right back in your face, while most will just avoid you. I mean, who wants a selfish *friend* when they're already dealing with enough problems in this harsh world?

(Necessity changes things, but you aren't under any forced pressure—others are, because they depend on you. That's why this will just end in your endless frustration) 🤷

Ronald Rogers27

lonegardener said:Exactly.

Ahem... the diagnosis was spot on, but the therapy is—as usual—much more problematic. Would I want to be satisfied with myself? Well, on some level, definitely... however, the issue is that I can't even imagine it. You see, I can't wrap my head around who I would need to be or what I would need to do to actually reach that satisfaction. So, I don't see any clear course of action. Besides, I can't help but think it might be impossible. If you do something solely to satisfy yourself, then by some paradoxical logic, you can never truly achieve it. Honestly, a person should strive for something entirely selfless, and then perhaps, as a side effect, find satisfaction. But that kind of self-satisfaction is something you should try to hammer out of your head—except such things have a nasty habit of rooting themselves deeper the harder you strike them. I get the impression that the more I think about being unselfish, the more selfishly wretched I become. The question is whether I'll ever break free from this loop.

Look, if you’re really saying you can't find a way to be happy with yourself, that points to a few different issues...

Numero uno: You're being too selfish. You think the whole world revolves around you, so you don't see any reason to change. That leads to the conclusion that you *don't need* to change because you're living a pretty comfortable life just the way you are. You're privileged. People accept you because they benefit from the status quo—you're high enough up the ladder that they let you stay exactly where you are without lifting a finger.

Numero duo: A person should strive for something else entirely—some kind of meaningful work or a craft to master. If you don't have that drive, it means you're spoiled. You're expecting the world to bend to your skills rather than bending your skills to meet the needs of the world.

The bottom line: In the movie "gladiator," you're basically playing the role of "Commodus." Just map that movie onto your own life, and you'll have a perfect description of the very problem you're asking us to solve... 🤷

Ronald Rogers27

slywolf45 said:It’s a real nightmare when things go sideways on the power lines...☕

That’s just plain irresponsible. It’s reckless behavior, pure and simple.

Ronald Rogers27

lonegardener said:What should I do when I'm starting to lose my cool? 😲 🤷

That's a dead giveaway that you aren't happy with yourself. You're frustrated because you feel weak in certain areas, and those weaknesses are driving you crazy since you can't seem to get a grip on them.

You need to sit down, look yourself straight in the eye in a mental mirror, and pinpoint exactly where you're losing control. Once you do that, perform some damage control. Then, after a bit of time passes, sit down and have another heart-to-heart with yourself. From there, you take corrective action to regain ironclad control over your mind and body.

You have to keep working on yourself, moving in a spiral that leads toward one central point: Progress. That’s the only way to reach a state where you'll feel relatively satisfied with who you are. 👍

(relatively satisfied...) 🙂

Ronald Rogers27

Everything is subjective. You and your little circle might feel like you're being serious and level-headed, but to everyone else you probably just look like a bunch of losers obsessing over something negative to mask your own insecurities. Honestly, people are probably laughing behind your backs because the whole thing looks ridiculous. 😂

I've seen this play out plenty of times. I usually keep my cool and can even play along with people like that—acting like an authority figure just so they don't end up looking like complete idiots. 🤣

If this keeps happening to you, you really need to take what I'm saying to heart. For me, there was a time when people would literally clear a path for me on the sidewalk, or half the people on a Greyhound bus would shift away the second I stepped on. Even the cops were constantly pulling me over for random checks. I had to sit down, analyze what I was doing wrong, and finally stop living my life at absolute zero. 😂😂😂

Ronald Rogers27

What I’m about to suggest sounds a little crazy... but honestly, it's worth a shot because you might kill two birds with one stone. 😛

Try to figure out what actually draws you to painting, sculpting, or art in general. Dig deep into those impulses. Try to turn your abstractions into something concrete—find the shapes that pull at you, isolate them, and then MATERIALIZE them. If you can nail that, you'll have the key to everything.

Molecular biology is primarily a science. But beyond the data, you need an artist's soul to *weave* together those active elements so they form specific shapes that an antipode can recognize. If you can master those forms, applying them to molecular biology won't be nearly as hard! 🙂

It won't be easy. You're going to fail a lot while searching, but you'll slowly start spotting patterns and applications you can use to build the active substance you want. You'll hit a wall plenty of times, but you'd hit a wall just as often if you were making mediocre art or sculpture. 😲

Every job is essentially a form of ART, and molecular biology is its own special kind of art! 🙂

Ronald Rogers27

I didn't actually do anything. And honestly? That’s a win in my book. At least I didn't manage to screw anything up today.🤷

Ronald Rogers27

Kevin Nelson6 said:I find myself compelled to agree with color.
In your case, this isn't about being betrayed after forming a bond with someone; rather, it is about the fact that you indiscriminately bombard people with your private struggles—people you haven't even taken the time to get to know, nor do you seem particularly interested in doing so. It appears you simply require a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. That is not how one builds intimacy, certainly not within a professional environment. Such behavior merely projects the image of someone lacking social intelligence, someone who is both exhausting and intrusive.

Furthermore, there exists a professional code of conduct which dictates that personal problems should not be brought into the workplace, where the focus during those eight hours should remain on work rather than incessant chatter regarding private matters.

If there are colleagues you genuinely enjoy, and you gradually grow closer over time—perhaps meeting outside of work after having properly acquainted yourselves and shared personal details in a non-professional setting—then you might consider them friends, and such individuals are unlikely to betray you.

That is a far cry from recounting your entire life story to the very first person sitting next to you within five minutes of meeting them without any provocation. That is not building a connection; it is mere harassment.

And, contrary to all of you who are complaining here, allow me to offer a positive example. I am currently at my third job. From my first and second companies, I still maintain close friendships with women who were my peers then and remain so now. Beyond those core friends, I also maintain good rapport with people from both previous firms whom I grab coffee with or exchange emails with occasionally.
At my current job, I maintain a great relationship with the entire team—subordinates and supervisors alike. We are quite close, socializing outside of work, carpooling, and grabbing coffee; we generally know one another well, creating a healthy atmosphere. However, during working hours, no one complains to anyone about romantic issues or other personal drama; instead, we joke about neutral topics and remain primarily focused on our tasks. Truly intimate and private matters are reserved for those in our lives outside of the office.

I mean, you’re supposed to keep your private life for the people you're actually intimate with... though I guess you can be "intimate" with coworkers too (looking at you, assistant/boss dynamics)!

(good grief) 🙄

Ronald Rogers27

It’s pretty funny how you only ever reply to women... even though that *green car* is definitely masculine.

(Maybe there's a bit of a [latent] thing going on with your orientation?!) 🤷

Ronald Rogers27

stormyowl21 said:I’m mostly opening up here just to vent a little, to let out some things I need to say to people who don't even know me. Sure, I have a few close friends who are basically brothers to me—guys I can pour my heart out to—but it’s just not the same thing, you know? I share certain parts of myself, but there's always that deeper side I keep locked away inside.

So, here’s the story. Back on January 21st of last year, I was driving home from a birthday party, totally wasted, and I just lost control of the car on a sharp turn. I slammed into a tree and ended up sliding right into the river.
I honestly can only thank God that I made it out alive and didn't take anyone else down with me. I spend so much time living in regret, constantly playing back the "what ifs" in my head—wondering how things could have gone differently, what if I had taken a different route, or what if I hadn't been drinking in the first place... it just haunts me.

That car I wrecked... man, I absolutely loved that thing. I spent so much time washing it, detailing it, keeping the engine pristine; it was always gleaming. Because it happened on such a busy stretch of road, the damage was total. The only way to actually fix it would have been importing a whole new chassis and parts all the way from Germany. My old man shut that idea down immediately because it just wasn't worth the money—he was the one who gave me the car in the first place, so I hadn't really earned it myself.

Since that day, not a single one has passed where I haven't thought about it. Almost every time the memory hits, I find myself tearing up. I can't even put into words how much I miss that car and how much I hate myself for letting things get so out of hand that I crashed while drunk. I’m constantly dreaming about turning back the clock and doing things the right way. I catch myself imagining being behind the wheel again, sitting in that seat, running my hand over the dashboard and feeling every single detail like it’s actually happening.
I know I probably sound a little crazy, but that green machine was everything to me. 😢

That’s the part that’s killing me—not knowing how long this weight is going to stay on my chest or when the ache will finally stop. Anyway, if there’s anyone else out there who finds themselves grieving over something that isn't even alive, please reach out. I could really use someone to vent to.
Thanks 😉

Have you ever even had a girlfriend? Probably not.

(Good luck when you finally do)

Ronald Rogers27