Posts by Joseph Bailey41

Joseph Bailey41 said:
I’m just trying to say that there’s no such thing as rock bottom—things can always get even worse...

You have to keep striving for improvement; you shouldn't just sit around waiting for everything to fall apart.

Does the OP have some kind of diagnosis?

As far as I know, no, though they might be able to get one if they ask nicely. 😬

To me, "rock bottom" is that moment when you realize all your efforts to improve are actually backfiring, and you're just digging yourself deeper into a hole. At that point, you either have to become Yoda or just give up.

darksurfer4 said:Flying, how on earth can you think it’s "great" that it’s sitting at the bottom? That isn't great at all, and frankly, if you really think about it, there is no such thing as "the bottom," if you catch my drift.

Well, I just meant that if we've truly hit rock bottom, the only way left to go is up. Or, I guess you could dig an even deeper hole if you really put your mind to it—though I can't imagine why anyone would bother doing that. 🤷

If you’ve actually hit rock bottom, then honestly, that’s a good thing—it means you can finally push off the floor and swim back up. Though, if I’m being real, I don't think you're quite there yet. When you truly hit the bottom, you stop worrying about all the little details and just realize, "Okay, this is it. Enough is enough. Something has to change." And that's when the work starts.

Seriously though, I really recommend seeing a therapist. It used to be easier back in the day, like when you could just call a student hotline or something. You just vent. You don't even have to bring up voices or any of the heavy stuff right away; you just talk, and they're there to listen. Over time, you'll start to realize that you aren't as "weird" or "different" as you feel—everyone is dealing with their own version of the same crap, just wrapped in different colored paper. For some, it looks like anxiety; for others, it's depression. But underneath it all, there's this sense of meaninglessness that isn't entirely unfounded, because life doesn't come with a built-in purpose—you have to create it yourself. Once you grasp that, the struggle turns into a bit of a game. You can actually learn to laugh at yourself because you don't take everything quite so personally anymore, which brings a certain lightness to things. You can still feel sad or whatever, but it stops feeling like a matter of life and death. Tragedy slowly starts turning into comedy. It won't happen overnight, but it moves in that direction.

Zero. ☕

Kevin Wells81 said:Thanks a million....

1) I'm the one inheriting the debt... Do you think I actually have any legal way to handle it?
2) I know I do... I haven't touched a drink in a year, and I haven't taken anything except my prescribed benzos, which I can't function without right now, unfortunately... I don't know what other steps to take; if I just keep seeing doctors, I'll just end up with even more pills.
3) I'm ready to start from zero... I just hope someone gives me a shot... I'm not afraid to prove myself, I know I've got what it takes...
4) I'm also hoping I'll find someone.

I'm trying to let go of the useless ambitions... I built up some of them myself because of past disappointments... I only recently started dropping them. Every time I manage to, it feels like a huge relief... Hopefully, things will settle down eventually, because right now I feel fine during the day, but once I sleep, I wake up feeling like I've been totally reset.🤦

From what I understand, you can legally renounce an entire inheritance, which means you wouldn't be on the hook for the debts either.

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Kevin Wells81 said:I can hold my own in English, Spanish, and Italian
I'm a solid driver, too
My communication skills are on point

That's pretty much the gist of it :/

Look, you clearly have some skills. Now you just need to sit down, be honest with yourself, and figure out what kind of career you actually want—something more substantial than just selling smoke and mirrors like you have been. You aren't getting any younger, and looks won't carry you forever. The chances of someone hiring you just to have you sit around looking pretty are shrinking, and honestly, the odds of finding a partner who’s willing to bail you out of the messes you make for yourself are getting slimmer by the day.☕

Kevin Wells81 said:Never even had FB... Not even when I was "successful"... I just don't like it... I'm HOPING you were being sarcastic about that part....

I love dogs... I used to have a Lab and a Cane Corso.. you get what I mean... I can't just get a dog to pull me out of this mess, because then what? You gotta look after that animal for the next 10 years.. and I don't even know where I'll be tomorrow... It wouldn't be fair.. not to the animal...

I mentioned my ex because she was the one who could pull me out of the shit... one of the few good things about that relationship... and she'd kickstart me whenever I stalled.. this isn't the first time... but it's the worst yet...

Morally speaking, that apartment is mine... legally, it belongs to my old man... I can't start fixing it up until I get the green light from my parents, who basically live on another planet... I love them, but they're both honestly institutions.

I don't want a new relationship, nor am I ready for one... But through everything I've been through, I've completely lost trust in women.. seen too much of it.. experienced it myself too.. and I think the only success in life that would actually fulfill me is having a family...

So, probably the first steps would be buying some new clothes and finding a job... But the thing is... I don't know how to do anything.. seriously.. I mean, I learn fast and I'm decent at business stuff, but if someone asked me point-blank what I can do, I wouldn't know what to say.. maybe that's just a naive problem among many.. who knows..

Come on, I get it—you're pining for an ex who didn't give you kids, which is apparently the only thing that matters to you, and now every other woman is just a distraction who doesn't measure up. 😬

But I don't get how you can claim you don't know how to work when you supposedly had such a "promising career." What did you actually do at your last job? Dealing in white powder? 🤔

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Kevin Wells81 said:I'm 29 years old....

I've been through the ringer... had a killer athletic career as a kid, a promising business career later on, a solid long-term relationship... then came the heavy stuff: chronic pain (yeah, I deal with that), brutal injuries, losing key people close to me (within the last year), and getting dumped by my fiancée... plus gambling, booze, and drugs... now all that's left is a benzo habit I picked up to manage withdrawal just so I could keep drinking...

Everyone around me knows I'm "off." My recent flings have all been taken women—honestly, I did it like a bet because I was just desperate for some affection... People don't realize I actually cared about how they'd react to me. After all this time, I still love my ex, but I'm mostly over it...

I’ve always been "talented" at something... and everyone expects me to keep chasing that high. But I'm stuck in limbo, bouncing between cities for work and basically living in my parents' house, which is a total pigsty and I can never find anything. I'm completely lost, sick, and miserable... though I'm not like this when I'm out. The "cool kids" still want to hang with me, but nowadays, if you aren't part of the management crowd or partying and sleeping around with them, you're nothing... and I just can't do that anymore...

I realized I could move back to my hometown and grab the apartment I used to share with my ex (mostly for the location and the spot, not for the trauma). I quit my job a few weeks ago thinking I'd "get my act together," but I'm still struggling... Basically, I tell people I'm going to sell my sports car for a basic commuter just so I can find a low-stress, lower-paying job near home. I spent half my life stuck in traffic driving all over the country... I just want to be alone. I've stopped looking at the girls everyone else obsesses over; I'm done competing for them. I'm mostly just living in sweats now, and honestly, it works for me...

I don't know if this makes sense, but I just want to tear down my own standards and find some peace. I want to be my own man, something I've never been. Dating feels impossible; I don't think I'll ever love someone deeply or trust anyone again, but I'm okay with that. I'm bursting at the seams from all these ambitions that feel totally pointless now... Even moving back and finding a job feels like climbing Everest. My phone's been off for seven days straight... I'm off social media... I don't know... I think I've finally snapped. 🤦

I pulled out the parts of the post I thought were most important. So, basically, you feel like at 29, your life is somehow over—like you can't top the successes you've already had, so there's no point in trying anymore. But then again, someone else still expects things from you, and if your own expectations don't line up with everyone else's—especially if you aren't on Instagram projecting some perfect version of your life—then it feels like you've just broken down.

I'm not saying you've actually "broken," like it's a clinical diagnosis. It's just how it feels to you in this moment. You're confused, and that's it. Your brain is probably a little fried from everything you've put it through—legal or otherwise—so it needs some time to reset. Go take a walk in a park, touch some grass, or something. Get a dog. Or a cat. Maybe a parrot. Just don't try to get all of them at once.🤣

Lawrence Bailey77 said:Once you finally tackle the supposed problem of evil, you find yourself shedding much of that traditional, schizophrenic obsession with the binary struggle between "good" and "evil"😵. You start to realize that Santa Claus is actually the one true god; he simply rewards the well-behaved children and punishes the rest with various psychological disorders🙂
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Just as one must accept genetic conditioning—those inherent limitations we all face—one must also accept everything that serves as a symptom of sound 😉reason
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In the absence of reason, or perhaps when one refuses to acknowledge plain facts, mental disturbances will inevitably become more frequent🙂
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FIRST, an individual is "educated"—which is really just brainwashing—within their familiar social circles using concepts of good and bad and other such nebulous nonsense
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SECOND, they are convinced that they are inherently broken and destined for suffering; they're told that happiness and a meaningful life are fleeting trifles, and that dwelling on them too much is somehow socially unacceptable🤣—heaven forbid they contaminate their environment with any sort of uplifting solutions😂.

THIRD, they are given outlets, like posting on a forum, where their minds are further poked and prodded if the initial brainwashing wasn't quite thorough enough🙂.

FOURTH, the individual continues to speak honestly... telling everyone they missed the mark, that they were lied to, that they are living in a delusion... that they are wasting energy maintaining lies built upon even greater lies. But I suppose none of that would matter if it weren't for the existence of the 😵Madman
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The point, in the context of this desperate need to "seek out" positivity, is that it is ultimately just a search for negativity🙂.

Exactly. But honestly, I think we also need to let go of that constant "striving for good," because that can lead down just as many distorted paths. At the end of the day, it's really just about being who you truly are.

darksurfer4 said:I see exactly what you mean—it’s just pure, unadulterated suffering. Is there anything else hiding behind it?

Back in the day, I struggled with deep depression, and eventually, I was diagnosed with neuroticism. Did that diagnosis actually fix my life? Not even close; if anything, it probably just weighed me down further. And did it make me a better person? Honestly, no. I only started becoming a decent human being once I slowly moved past those states and finally began to forge my own actual personality. Looking back, when I was caught up in that neurotic mindset, I can admit I was actually a pretty terrible person. I used to be consumed by this intense, bitter jealousy toward people who had everything going for them—real friends, stable relationships, you name it—to the point where I’d actually wish them ill. So, in my view, suffering is just suffering. It’s usually just plain old misery.🍿

In certain societies, though, that isn't always the case. In many ancient or tribal cultures, suffering is viewed as a gateway. They believe that by enduring hardship, you invite spirits to assist you—and if you can make friends with them, you gain what they call "superpowers." That's why you see initiation rites where people intentionally starve themselves, endure extreme temperatures, or ingest certain herbs. It’s all designed to draw in those invisible guides who will then protect them for the rest of their lives.

Maria Price3 said:Freedom of choice.
I have the option to decide whether I want to be "crazy" or "normal." If I want to play it safe and stay within the lines of normalcy, I’ll take my meds—but if I feel like indulging in a little madness, I just stop taking them for a while. You can't choose to be "crazy" if you’re just fundamentally ordinary. You, being normal, will never experience, perceive, create, or conclude anything that I am able to, or currently am, or might become. For you to experience something truly peak, you'd probably have to go out and pick up some illegal substance and break the law. Me? I just have to skip my prescription for a few days because my brain produces its own compounds that you actually have to go out and buy. I can wake up feeling like I'm on a cocktail of speed, ecstasy, and coke all at once—feeling absolutely head-over-heels in love and seeing the sheer beauty of everything—while you're busy whining about how the weather is terrible, or how cold it is, or how hot it is, or how much it's raining. Meanwhile, I'll be breathing in the crispness of the ice, soaking up every bit of the sun's heat, and actually feeling every single drop of rain.

You spent your vacation on some exotic island. I was in hell.

I haven't heard anyone say, "This shawl is beautiful, but it's made of silk." It's not good; it's too sensitive. I'd probably prefer something in latex.
"Why are you so sensitive?" — Please. What's your excuse for being so insensitive? Because, honestly, questioning someone's "sensitivity" right now isn't even an issue, nor is it particularly relevant. Not that you'd be decent enough to realize that.

"My god, you're so thin, you look like you're wasting away, are you sick?" — Sorry, but just because you're a total cow doesn't mean I'm underweight. It means I'm at a normal weight for my build and fitness level—actually stronger and more resilient than you. The fact that you can barely move, sweat like a pig, can't fit into a single piece of clothing, and are likely headed for a heart attack doesn't make me "too thin." And yes, I am concerned about your health. But I’m not going to tell you that you're fat, because I don't need to, and I didn't even notice how big you were until you blurted out your weight. When I talk to you, I look you in the eye and listen to what you have to say.

No, the fact that I don't enjoy sitting motionless in a pub for two hours doesn't mean I'm antisocial; it just means I prefer a meaningful conversation while walking.

blah blah blah...

I think this is a great post. 👍

bluemason3 said:I’m not entirely convinced that dyslexia is the kind of disorder we're actually discussing here, regardless of what you were trying to get at in your previous posts...

Fair enough, you answered my question. 👍

bluemason3 said:According to some studies, a massive chunk of the population could technically be diagnosed with some kind of disorder. The people who actually end up with a formal diagnosis are just the ones seeking help, so it’s pretty much expected that they'll have a more negative outlook on the specific symptom clusters we label as a "disorder." Meanwhile, someone dealing with a milder version of those same symptoms—someone whose lifestyle masks them or who manages them effectively—is far less likely to ever see a psychiatrist or get a diagnosis in the first place.

And that brings us back to the core issue: what actually constitutes a disorder, and what is it even based on? If you took a diagnostic manual and ran tests on a statistically significant, randomized sample of the general public, you wouldn't get the same ratio of symptom clusters as you would if you only tested people who proactively sought out psychiatric or psychological help because they were struggling.

That's true, but it feels a little dry. Try giving an example. For instance, have you ever gone looking for help for dyslexia? Did you end up getting a diagnosis? ☕

analogwalker8 said:True. Calling it a "disorder" is such a heavy, loaded term. Still, we can usually start from some basic assumptions—like the idea that mental disorders often come with a specific set of difficult personality traits. Of course, a perfectly healthy person can have plenty of flaws, but on average, you could argue that someone who's mentally unstable (whether they're neurotic or psychotic) starts off at a disadvantage compared to a "typical" healthy person. That’s true both theoretically and practically. But there's also this potential: if these individuals can manage their condition or work through the negative parts to pivot toward something productive, they could actually end up—on average—having more positive traits than a standard healthy person. You see this with tons of artists, leaders, or creators; they almost always had these unique, unconventional personality structures that align with certain disorders.

Naturally, it all depends on the type and severity of the disorder along with a million other personality factors, but does the disorder define the personality, or do the personality traits define the disorder? It's a bit of a chicken-and-egg thing.

What got me thinking about this was reading Adler's *The Neurotic Character*—which isn't strictly relevant to the topic, I'm just saying what sparked it—where he really goes after neurotics in a pretty harsh way. I actually found myself nodding along to quite a few of those negative descriptions, and now I can't stop wondering: what is the actual standing of a mentally ill person compared to a healthy (or even partially healthy) person when you look at the whole picture—their strengths, character, health, intelligence, how much they contribute to society, and so on?

It really depends on the specific symptoms and what drives them in life. It's a massive subject, honestly.

It’s true, everything has its upsides. If things were different, evolution would have probably weeded out all the "misfits" a long time ago. 😁

The real issue is that diagnoses were originally meant to be tools for support, but then the whole thing kind of spiraled out of control. Nowadays, people don't even need to sit down with a therapist to find a label for themselves; they just spend a little too much time scrolling through online forums. Once they stumble upon a diagnosis, they tend to latch onto it and never let go. 🤣

analogwalker8 said:Is there actually such a thing? I mean, do people dealing with mental health struggles ever try to hunt for a silver lining, or do they just end up feeling like they're somehow "less than" everyone else who’s doing fine?

Look, I deal with certain issues myself—nothing too crazy, but enough to be there—and honestly, I handle my day-to-day stuff just like anyone else. But because of that, people around me can be pretty judgmental... though, if I'm being real, it's mostly just my own head giving me grief.

But still, in a theoretical sense, I can't help but feel a bit inferior compared to people who are mentally "healthy." It's hard not to when you start looking at the whole package—you know, things like intelligence, core character, overall happiness, how much life they've actually been able to experience... all that stuff.

So, does someone struggling with neurosis or psychosis have to be considered "inferior" to a healthy person in a purely theoretical way?

Not only is that not the case, but it's actually impossible. Every person has equal inherent value. At least, in a theoretical sense. 😬

driftingridge6 said:I’ve been married for several years now, and we have a kid together. My biggest struggle right now is that I’m dealing with some pretty heavy insecurity. We’ve had our highs and lows—times where we were totally in sync and times where we drifted apart. Right now, we’re just in this neutral zone, but I’m being hit by this intense wave of anxiety and negativity.
My husband is one of those guarded guys who almost never opens up about his feelings, what he’s thinking, or how he actually feels about our relationship. Honestly, if I don't be the one to push for a deep conversation, we’d just drift aimlessly. He tends to be pretty passive, and when things start piling up—like routine burnout or small frictions—he just lets them sit there. Meanwhile, I process everything intensely. I feel everything so deeply that I sometimes feel like I'm suffocating under the weight of my own emotions. My behavior swings wildly; one minute I’m feeling so crushed by his coldness that it hurts inside, and the next, I just want him to feel exactly what I'm feeling, which turns into anger. He travels a lot for work lately, and that’s been a massive trigger for me. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I'm losing my mind. I’m obsessed with the idea that he might find someone else attractive while he's away. He’s constantly surrounded by colleagues and people in high-end business circles, and everything seems perfect on paper. It’s not even that I fear infidelity—he’s not that kind of guy—it’s just the thought that someone else might catch his eye. I know this is just a projection of my own deep insecurity and low self-esteem. I know I need to work on myself, find my own thing, and build a life that’s mine. In theory, I have all that, but I can’t tell if my struggles are coming from my own insecurities or if they're a reaction to the fact that he isn't meeting my need for affection and attention. Because, frankly, that's missing. Is it normal that certain harmless comments he makes about another woman looking good actually physically hurt me? Like, when we're out in a group and someone makes a comment and he chimes in, it genuinely wounds me. I know it sounds irrational, and that’s what frustrates me most—I *don't want* to feel this way. I’m not unattractive, I’m not out of shape, and I’m not a failure. But deep down, I just don't feel like I'm enough. What is wrong with me?

Well, looks like you finally hit the nail on the head. 😁

The issue isn't that there's something "wrong" with you; it's simply that you don't feel like you're enough for yourself. And honestly, you're trying to fix it the hard way—by chasing validation from everyone else. It doesn't matter if it’s coming from your husband, people on an online forum, or your girlfriends. No matter how many times you hear that you're amazing, it'll never feel like enough.

You really need to try making peace with yourself—maybe even work with a therapist to get there. If you don't, you risk becoming someone who constantly drains others emotionally, which is a tough spot to be in when you have a child to think about. If this pattern continues, you might end up hurting them the same way your parents hurt you. I know you're complaining about your husband rather than your folks, but low self-esteem usually takes root in childhood, not in a marriage. Your husband is just collateral damage here; no matter what he does, it won't satisfy you because no amount of compliments, passion, or grand gestures can fill that internal void.

placidskipper86 said:Is labeling basically the most potent psychological weapon out there? Especially nowadays, with all this technology at our fingertips, you constantly see people online or in the news just slapping labels on anyone they disagree with. I mean, no matter how mentally tough you think you are, being pigeonholed by others just feels wrong. What’s your take on this? Is it actually healthy for the media to constantly categorize everyone as some kind of "euroskeptic" or just toss around terms like "leftist" or "right-winger," even when those descriptions don't really fit the person?

It’s that whole "if you aren't with one side, you must be with the other" mentality, you know? I’m not saying there aren't people who act one way but are actually something else entirely, but there are plenty of folks just trying to live their lives, and the second they push back against the status quo, boom—here comes the label. Personally, I find that being labeled can really throw me off my game. Sometimes I can manage to stay composed, but other times, I guess I just lose my cool.

That used to really get to me when I was younger. Now? I couldn't care less about that kind of nonsense. Let the dogs bark; the caravan keeps moving. ☕

It feels like we’re staring down the barrel of some massive, radical shift. It's one of those moments where everything you thought was set in stone suddenly feels incredibly fragile. I'm trying to wrap my head around how much things are actually going to transform, and honestly, it's a little daunting. It isn't just about small adjustments anymore; we're talking about a complete overhaul of the status quo. I'm still processing it all, but I'd love to hear if anyone else is feeling this same sense of uncertainty. [User] says:
The Architect personality type—the INTJ, whether you fall on the assertive or turbulent side—is a fascinating study in strategic depth. If you’ve ever felt like you’re operating on a completely different frequency than everyone else, you probably know exactly what I mean. Being an INTJ means your brain is essentially a high-powered engine designed for systems, patterns, and long-term planning. You don't just look at a problem; you deconstruct it, find the structural flaw, and build a more efficient way to bypass it entirely. There’s a certain quiet intensity to this type. It’s not about being loud or demanding attention; it’s about being right, being prepared, and having a roadmap for everything. Of course, that level of constant mental processing comes with its own set of hurdles. For many of us, "socializing" can feel less like a relaxing activity and more like trying to solve a complex equation in real-time while people throw random variables at you. We tend to value competence over small talk, which can sometimes be misread by others as being cold or detached. Personally, I’ve found that I’m often my own harshest critic, constantly tweaking my internal logic to ensure everything is airtight. Whether you lean toward the -A (Assertive) side—feeling pretty confident in your strategic decisions—or the -T (Turbulent) side—where you might second-guess your plans or feel more pressure to perfect them—the core remains the same: a relentless drive for purpose and efficiency. It’s a lonely road sometimes, but there’s a profound satisfaction in seeing a well-executed plan come to life.

Matthew Castillo5 said:My priorities are stacked a little differently: hobbies first, goofing off, food, and then work—but I’m right there with you on the cleaning thing; it’s at the bottom of the list, if it even makes the list at all. 🙂

You didn't ask, but I'm an INFP.

As an INTJ, that’s exactly why I once went down a total rabbit hole studying that specific style of astrology. I remember sitting there on a Sunday at 2, trying my absolute best to decode what Kerimov’s sister was actually getting at. 🤦

I’ve actually forgotten half of this stuff in the meantime, including that little trick about how organization or messiness follows the J/P line. Basically, if you walk up to someone's desk and see a total disaster zone, you know they're a P. 🤣

Donna White50 said:Logic tells me you should focus your positive energy on the place where you actually live and spend most of your life. A little creative mess is fine, but living in a total dump is honestly depressing—let alone trying to think in one. And honestly? Saying "cleaning is just a low priority" is really just a fancy way of saying you're being lazy.
But hey, who actually gives a damn...
😁

What's your Myers-Briggs type? It feels like you might be a Sensor. 🤣