granitewolf20 said:Hehehe... so what's this uncle rambling about? 🙂
Why split one room into two anyway? You really hate the whole open-concept kitchen and living room vibe that much? 🤔
I haven't been around for a while; I was out in SLO without any internet access. 🙄
I don't actually eat the fat from the meat; I’m pretty careful about trimming it off my own portion. But every single time my uncle sees me doing that, he makes some comment about how I shouldn't eat it if I don't want to get fat—as if it's anything like the chips I eat. And every time, I have to explain to him that I don't even eat chips. I haven't touched them since I found out I was pregnant (though, okay, maybe I had one or two 😛, just enough so I wouldn't forget the taste). But honestly, that day I just hit a wall. I'm tired of having to defend myself every single time, explaining that I'm not eating chips, only to be met with more comments about my weight.
granitewolf20 said:Man, I totally feel you... sometimes I think it would be so much easier if we just asked my parents or my mother-in-law for help with certain things. But it’s just not an option for us. We bought almost everything and nearly all the equipment on our own. The "only" thing the grandmas chipped in for was the crib and the dresser, and my mom even covered half the cost of the stroller. She wanted to pay for everything, but we wouldn't let her 🤷
edit: try looking for a used kitchen somewhere, or check the sales at Lowe's right now. Just aim for a small speaker, a fridge, and a freezer. It doesn't have to be a massive investment. You can find plenty of cheap stuff. Same goes for the bathroom. You don't need a full renovation. Just throw down some floor tiles, use washable paint on the walls, put in a basic shower kit, and call it a day.
There's this local carpenter I know who runs his own shop, and I'd almost feel bad buying mass-produced stuff from a big-box store when I know he could make something much better, custom-fit to exactly what we want. But man, it’s a massive undertaking. We'd have to turn one room into two, which means building a wall, cutting out space for another door, and adding skylights since the roof slopes down quite a bit in that section. It isn't some minor project; it's going to take a lot of time and a significant amount of money. I guess I'd have more patience for the whole process if my uncle would just stop talking long enough.
Sorry, but I'm actually on the same page as Edward Rodriguez4. Look, I get it. She’s pissed off and stressed out, but seriously, just scroll up and read what those girls actually wrote. Just because someone isn't out there making a scene about being broke doesn't mean they aren't dealing with money issues. And even if they are? That's their business. It's their money, and they can do whatever the hell they want with it. Even if they came to me with an offer on a silver platter, there is absolutely no way I'd ever agree to that. 🤷
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Interesting. Honestly, almost nobody touches my stomach. Especially not some random stranger on the street. 🤷
Personally, I also prefer the idea of us building things on our own, but at the same time, I want a functional kitchen in my house. I don't want to be forced to head out into the yard in the middle of winter just to grab a sandwich or make some tea. I understand his perspective—I'm not being irrational—but when I hit my breaking point and I'm feeling angry or overwhelmed, I just want everything to be sorted out all at once. I am fully aware that it's their money, and I have never pressured my partner to ask them for anything. We handle our own daily expenses, and we buy all the baby gear ourselves. When I'm upset, I know I can be a bit unreasonable.
Edward Rodriguez4 said:Let's be real here—it's not even like a massive investment. Look, I don't know what your bank account looks like, but I'm pretty sure you aren't going to be any worse off than me 🤣! So why don't you just lean on him to get it done?
It’s honestly pathetic. His uncles, who we actually live with, have so much money they don't even know what to do with it. They could easily cover a kitchen remodel or a bathroom renovation for us without breaking a sweat, but my partner insists on doing everything himself and paying for it all solo. I was honestly on the verge of a nervous breakdown today. Everything just piled up at once, and when it finally started coming to a head, I was nearly in tears. If he really wants to be self-sufficient, he can always take out a loan. I simply cannot deal with living under someone else's thumb, being told what to eat and how to live—I mean that literally. I hit a breaking point today so hard that I actually had to ask my mom to come pick me up. She told me to calm down first (honestly, I could barely speak through the crying), then suggested I sit down and talk things through with him (since I stormed out right in the middle of lunch without eating a bite), and then I should give her a call back.
It honestly gets under my skin that we have this extra floor all to ourselves, though it’s basically useless since there isn't a kitchen or a bathroom up there. The layout is just bizarre; in this massive house, there isn't even a functional indoor kitchen, just some outdoor setup in the backyard. I suppose it’s hard to wrap your head around, but these older folks just grew accustomed to living without a proper kitchen inside the house. I realize the baby is a precious addition, but part of me is frustrated that I wouldn't have to deal with three retirees living under one roof if I weren't pregnant (well, only one of them is actually difficult, but he manages to irritate everyone around him).
I've also noticed that people don't really react with much enthusiasm when I mention I'm having a girl, or if they do, it's only a tiny handful of people who seem genuinely excited. But honestly, I couldn't care less; my little 😍 is what matters.
I’m feeling more miserable today than I ever thought possible. I can't tell if it's just my hormones acting up or if I've actually become this cynical, but I am honestly just exhausted with my life right now. The worst part is that deep down, I always suspected things would end up this way. But someone convinced me otherwise—assured me everything would be fine—and I was foolish enough to believe those lies. To make matters worse, if I weren't pregnant, I wouldn't have to deal with any of this, which leads to me feeling guilty for being pregnant in the first place. Then I start thinking about all the women out there who would give anything to be in my position, and the guilt just settles in even deeper.
Please, I'm asking you all, don't attack me for having these moments of regret. I know how terrible that sounds. I truly apologize to all the women out there who are struggling to conceive.
Jesse Evans85 said:Oh, believe me, they drive me crazy too!😠 See, that example with your mom proves it—if you don't whine about money, people assume you have plenty! That's how some folks' minds work, and then if you don't hand over a bit of your own, heaven forbid, they act like you're being unreasonable!
Honestly, the best move is to just tune them out when they start asking for money. Pretend you didn't hear a word. I eventually decided I just couldn't waste any more mental energy on people like that; I would have lost my mind by now if I hadn't. I personally went through this with my mother-in-law. She's quite ill and needs full-time care in a nursing home, so all the costs for her medication and extra expenses fell squarely on my husband's shoulders. I mean, what's it to his parents or his brother? They both work full-time and bring in a paycheck; surely they can chip in something. Plus, we're currently expecting a baby. Thankfully, my husband finally stood his ground🙏 and insisted that all the expenses be split three ways.
Jesse Evans85 said:Those who complain aren't necessarily being foolish—not at all. I have a personal example of this. Michael Barrett11 and I never spend our time whining, even though we’re just renting right now and dealing with various other pressures. We stay incredibly disciplined about our finances; as he often says, we make sure we have enough of a cushion to cover whatever unexpected expenses come our way. But we don't vent about it. And you wouldn't believe how often people try to hit us up for money just because they see us staying composed. It seems like everyone—friends, family, anyone—acts as if we’re the local Chase Bank, simply because we aren't constantly broadcasting our struggles. No one stops to consider that we’d much rather be putting that money toward buying our own home than lending it out to everyone else... (though clearly, they don't grasp how heavy the burden of a mortgage can actually be). So, it turns out that those "complainers" aren't actually mindless; sometimes, airing your grievances is actually a very smart survival strategy.
I didn't say they were unintelligent, I just said they get on my nerves. I actually agree that their strategy is quite clever, but it's frustrating because everyone treats us like we're clueless, as if we can't handle basic math. My mother is the same way—she never complains, even though she’s perpetually overdrawn at Wells Fargo and living in a rental. Her brother-in-law thinks she's loaded and swimming in cash just because she spent a little extra hosting a birthday party and trying out some new recipes. I have a nagging feeling that people are going to start coming to us for handouts pretty soon, too. The truth is, we live with my aunts and they have plenty of money, but they aren't financing our lives; we live off my husband's small business. When we were just working day jobs, we paid for everything ourselves. It never even crossed our minds to ask them for help, regardless of what they have. We have to learn how to survive on whatever my husband brings home.
The fact that he actually said that is what really gets under my skin. Is having two kids some kind of mistake? I mean, let him try telling his youngest child they were a mistake—let’s see how much that kid thrives after hearing that. But for him to say that, and to be acting like he’s giving advice, after everything you went through just to conceive...😲😲 Honestly, it's probably better not to give people like that any headspace at all. It’s always been this way, though; the ones who already have money are always the first to complain.
My mom raised me on her own (my dad pays child support, but it’s nothing substantial) and she works for U.S. Customs. She used to get constant grief from people who would pick up extra night shifts and holiday overtime to pad their paychecks just because they had kids. She eventually just snapped and asked them, "Oh, so I don't need money? I've got plenty of mouths to feed at home, so I guess I don't need anything, right?" They all lived off those two paychecks, while we were just making do on one.
Harold Cook2 said:Ugh, I am seriously losing my mind tonight after listening to Michael Barrett11 and his brother—basically his brother-in-law—going at it. They’re obsessing over what to get for the baby once it arrives. Like, okay, fine, what should we buy? But then my husband just shrugs it off like, "Hey, don't sweat it, it'll be fine," and suddenly Michael Barrett11 starts playing the victim card. He’s all, "You don't get it, I'm already $10,000 in the hole, I have no idea how I'm gonna afford anything, things are brutal right now..." And the worst part? My husband is actually falling for this whole guilt trip act. Seriously, who even asks him for anything? If you're gonna vent about being broke, maybe don't do it to people who aren't even asking for a dime, otherwise it's just embarrassing. 😠 It’s such a joke because I haven't asked him for a single thing lately... especially since he literally just treated himself to a brand new car a few weeks ago.
Those are the heavy hitters, I suppose—the ones who spend all their time whining. 😠 My future brother-in-law is stuck in that same old cycle of having absolutely zero cash to his name. He still hasn't managed to pay back the money he owes his buddy, yet I keep hearing him brag about how he and his girlfriend just went on shopping sprees in Chicago and then over to Milwaukee. It’s honestly a bit much—every single time I see him, he’s rocking some new gear or a different pair of sneakers. And let's be real, they aren't exactly high-end brands, either. $33It isn't just about the Euro, though—it’s also about us being stuck in a place like the Midwest.😠😠 That’s his business, I suppose, but... look, if he actually owes him money, then he isn't really funding his lifestyle through his own means—he's basically living off my dear friend's pocket, at least until that debt is settled.😠
I have to say, my grandmother’s constant commentary is starting to get under my skin. I can't help but feel like my bump is getting pretty big for how many weeks I am; I definitely feel quite round lately. 🤣 Since one of my cousins is also pregnant—maybe a week behind me—my grandmother has started comparing us. She acts like my belly is way too small for being 5.5 months along, claiming that my cousin's bump is much larger. 🙄 Honestly, though, she just has more... well, more fat, not necessarily a bigger baby bump. She gained about 65 pounds during her first pregnancy, which is a massive amount for someone who is 5'4". So, there I am, walking over to my grandma's place feeling pretty proud of my progress, only for her to tell me that it doesn't look that big yet. I mean, what am I supposed to look like? A stranded whale on the beach? 😠 And then she goes on about how I need to eat way more food just to make sure I have enough milk later. 😱 As if stuffing yourself with junk food is some kind of guarantee for milk production. 🙂
Edward Rodriguez4 said:Seriously, it's like we're both married to the same guy! 🤣Mine was basically a tiny terror—he once set fire to the neighbor's hay bale... 🙄just one disaster after another. So, I told them straight up: I want this baby to be exactly like me 😍 ...
Mine once set off one of those massive firecrackers right in the middle of a pig pen!!! The pigs were all huddled in their pens, and when that thing went off, they nearly died of fright. 🙄
He also decided to paint the side of the house with smashed eggs during the middle of summer; you should have seen what happened when that started rotting in the heat. 🤦 And don't even get me started on how he used his little plastic sand shovels and rakes to build miniature campfires.
I suppose I was a handful too, but goodness, I don't think I ever did anything quite that dangerous or stupid. So, I guess I can't really complain if my kid turns out just like me. 😍
Edward Rodriguez4 said:So now she’s calling me "Auntie" and telling me, "You better get some sleep while you can, because once the baby gets cranky, you aren't getting any rest!" 😠 And honestly? I’ve managed to dodge that whole situation perfectly fine up until now...
What really gets under my skin is how everyone is already deciding what kind of kid I'll have—whether they'll be an angel or a little troublemaker. Most people, especially my own mother, tend to lean toward the "troublemaker" prediction. 🙄 But I suppose, looking back at how much of a handful my husband was when he was growing up, 🙂 God forbid the little one inherits my temperament instead. 🤣
Linda Ward312 said:1. Amen to that!!! I feel exactly the same way. At least for those first few weeks. I really don't get people who feel the need to go overboard kissing a tiny newborn before their immune system even has a chance to kick in. 😠
2. This is that whole "get all the sleep you can now" type of advice... 🙄
3. And what am I supposed to do about the cats? Absolutely nothing. They’re staying right where they are, because honestly, they’re a hundred times cleaner and healthier than some people I know.
I'm definitely not looking to host visitors anytime soon either. I plan on staying pretty isolated (mostly because of the physical recovery) for as long as it takes to actually feel human again. I won't be seeing anyone except maybe my mom, if I need an extra hand. 😉
I’ve been telling my mom that starting this month, I’m going to slowly start saving up and buying baby gear. Up until now, I haven't bought a single thing, but she keeps insisting it’s way too early—that I should just wait and see what gifts I actually end up getting. 🙄 My due date is in April, and I really don't think I’ll feel up to wandering around Target or Walmart when I'm eight months pregnant, trying to hunt down everything on my list. Even if I only pick up two items a month, it doesn't matter; the main goal is just making sure I have some things ready at home. Right now, I just feel irresponsible because I'm not prepping for the baby yet. Now, a friend did promise me some hand-me-downs from her little one, but I don't feel like my child is somehow less important just because they'd be wearing used clothes. I WANT TO GO SHOPPING MYSELF AND BUY EXACTLY WHAT I LIKE!!!
Honestly, my hair is driving me absolutely crazy! 😠 It’s gotten thinner lately, and I swear I'm losing way more strands than I used to. I suppose I just inherited this from my mother.
It’s honestly a bit draining that I’m the only one—aside from my mom—who actually loves the name I picked out for my baby girl (we’re just waiting on the final paperwork now, since the doctor was a little hesitant) I settled on Dea Maria; Maria is going to be her middle name to honor my mom, but apparently, nobody can get past that first name But if you ask me, it’s just 😍
Honestly, though, I don't really care what anyone thinks. At the end of the day, she's my kid
Jesse Evans85 said:And clearly with dirty hands too, since you aren't even allowed to get your hands wet!🤣 It remains a total mystery how she could have touched a baby with hands like that.
And how on earth did she bathe the baby?? Maybe wearing rubber gloves??
Jesse Evans85 said:I heard some "well-meaning" advice today that honestly left me speechless: "Don't wash your hands after giving birth!" My immediate reaction was 😕, because if you're forty-five days postpartum, you're basically walking on eggshells trying to recover, so you have to be careful. I wouldn't even let my daughter wash her hair for forty-five days! Me: 😲 wtf???
Some people just need to 🙂
And now that poor woman spent forty-five days walking around with greasy, gross hair 👎