Matthew Clark3 said:How do you actually feel independent when you’re stuck in a situation like this? Is it even possible? When I was younger, I didn't give it much thought... I felt like the world was mine, just like any other kid. But things change. Life changes you, and sometimes not for the better. I haven't been working for quite a while now. It’s frustrating because jobs just seem to pass me by, despite hundreds of applications. I’ve always lived with my parents; my father passed away a long time ago, so it’s just been me and my mother ever since. There were times when I worked and went to school, so I had a sense of independence even while living under the same roof. But since I stopped working, we've been living off her Social Security. It isn't easy, but we make do. Personality-wise, we’ve never seen eye to eye. We are just too different, and now that we're stuck together, it’s escalating. She treats me like I’m still a child, even though I’m well into my 30s. Talking to her doesn't help—I've tried countless times before finally giving up. It has left me feeling like a kid who can't make a single right decision. My self-confidence is basically gone. Since I am financially dependent on her, it takes a massive toll on my mental health. Is there any way to feel like an autonomous adult in a situation like this? How? Any advice would be appreciated. (And please, spare me the "just find a job" comments... believe me, I would if anyone would actually give me a shot.)
Look, this isn't actually about the money. The fact that you're stuck living under her roof and relying on her bank account just amplifies a dynamic that would likely be happening anyway—even if you were completely financially independent.
Matthew Clark3 said:The mantra thing is the only advice I haven't tried yet. 🙂
I’ve already walked enough miles to know every corner of my neighborhood.
And yes, I am looking for any kind of work, not just stuff in my field. I've been through so many empty promises from colleagues and acquaintances regarding jobs, but it always ends up leading nowhere.
No, my mother doesn't influence my choice of partner or my love life.
Actually, maybe I misstated the topic because it feels a bit misunderstood. Regarding being independent, I know how it works and what needs to happen. Obviously, you can't do much if you don't have a financial foundation, and it's not like I wouldn't do it if I were able to.
The question was whether it's possible to feel like your decisions actually matter when you aren't independent—since you have to involve another person in those decisions because you rely on them.
It's okay for a short period of time, but when you're forced to function like this for a long stretch, you start losing yourself and questioning everything... whether you want to or not.
Unfortunately, it looks like you can't. At the end of the day, everything comes back to work—without it, you aren't really your own boss.
People always say "it's not all about the money," and sure, I get that, but I’d argue that money equals freedom.
So, thanks for trying, guys, but it seems there just isn't some other magic answer out there...
Just like so many other clichés, people tend to misinterpret this one: just because money isn't
everything, it certainly doesn't mean money is
nothing.
Any of those
airy-fairy, flower-power maxims about how cash doesn't matter usually only make an appearance once someone has already achieved a certain level of
basic financial stability.
Your situation is genuinely tough—and while it's true that, strictly speaking, you aren't alone in this predicament, that doesn't make it any easier for you. Unfortunately, there isn't some profound piece of wisdom here that you haven't already realized yourself: your only real options are to hunt down any kind of work (and by that, I don't necessarily mean a
career—just any way to pull in some cash) and keep reminding yourself that it
isn't too late.
As much as that might sound like harsh sarcasm, I promise it isn't: you still have time 🙂.