silentcyclist3 said:I managed to catch your drift despite the broken rambling! 🙂
Possessive? What/who would I ever want to possess?
Curiosity? 🙂 You were just dying to know what your self-proclaimed guru was talking about! 😁
What’s the deal with "catch or hunting without..."? And why on earth would you have been "hunting" me in the first place?
Do you think I'm lying or just stalling? No emojis from me—I’ve had some weird experiences with them. Especially when they feel "toxic" or fake. They just clutter up this whole forum and end up confusing me personally. You get what I mean? My honest take... look, I wish I were playing games. I can explain more if you want, fine. Just don't take it the wrong way.🙂 (😂Can't get the link to work. I'll just pull it out sentence by sentence instead. Cool?
Wait, wait... now I’m starting to sound like that self-proclaimed spiritual guru. You know the one—the guy who was constantly baffled by everything, including his own "glitchy speech" and his whole satanic-demon vibe, minus the pentagrams.🙂(I mean, what can I even say...) It’s like—"Why does everyone have it out for him?" (asking that seriously, yet somehow childishly). Yeah, the point is scattered, just harder for me to wrap my head around. But you're right; you aren't the only one telling me this. Can you actually follow along and get what I'm saying?
So, what do you guys think? Why is the spike breaking up like this, and where exactly is the root cause?
Sometimes I feel like I’m getting hit with a million pieces of information at once. It's impossible to track. If anyone here knows anything, please explain it to me—it's easier to talk when I don't have to look someone in the eye. I've got so many issues now that I can't tell what caused what. Everything just crosses over into a mess. Honestly, maybe it's the drugs, or maybe all these pills hitting my memory. My head feels like it's spinning. I can't go out in the sun without an epileptic seizure, then there's this syndrome from some explosion hitting my head... ear issues I'd rather not mention, PTSD, and my pituitary gland is a wreck because of how Pam hit the sella turcica. Now I need medication for life because my metabolism is shot—calcium and phosphorus levels, osteopenia, you name it. Plus all the meds for physical stuff after I got injured during a rupture back in '96. And then there's this. Since the war ended in '96, I fell into drugs because life didn't seem worth living. That was the moment everything changed. I met this self-proclaimed "spiritual guru." I don't blame him, despite how naive I was. I was a good target—came back from the war confused, broken, vulnerable. He saw I was an easy mark, someone who had been honorably discharged from service, and he circled me for a long time until we both went down—he to the grave, and me to hell. I snorted for a long time; I used to hate it, but then I became part of it. You know how the system works that first year while you're trying to get your footing. You have money, but without him, you have nothing. He knows how to make it and blow it, and he won't move without cash. So for a year or two, I paid, and he brought the stuff from the dealers—we split everything fifty-fifty. That's how he trapped me. After that, we were just spiraling deeper and deeper. You fall, and you try to hide that you can't change your ways. It's always, always the same story.
Look, if I'm off-topic, just say so. You started this thread, so you're bound to deal with some haters—people always find something to whine about, even when they have no right to. But that’s on them, not me. I just call it like I see it. I tell the truth. If I don't get something, I ask. Simple as that.
-That’s why I was asking about the truth. Honestly, I didn't mean to push too hard.
-I don't know. You tell me what exactly would kill me. I forget things constantly—total amnesia. But hey, if we could just wipe the slate clean so I don't have to keep begging for answers, since there's still plenty more I haven't said... then maybe it wouldn't be such a chore.🙂