Who thrives most as a solo player?

I was catching up with a friend the other day, and they mentioned that quite a few people they know see me as someone who is much better off flying solo. To be perfectly honest, I find myself falling squarely into that same category as well.

What is your take on people like this? Is it simply a matter of finding comfort in one's own company, or does it stem from some sort of emotional incapacity? Are we all just becoming increasingly comfortable being alone... perhaps too much so?

Let me elaborate on why being alone is actually far less taxing for me than being in a relationship. When I am by myself, I don't feel the absence of anyone; I’m not waiting on anyone, nor am I constantly preoccupied with whether someone else is okay or if something has gone wrong in their life...

However, once I am with someone else, I become painfully aware of my own solitude, and that realization starts to weigh heavily on me—it's significantly harder to bear than when I am ACTUALLY ALONE. Every moment that person is absent begins to ache; every smile they offer to another woman feels like a sting, and every harsh word cuts deep... yet, when I am solo, I don't even get the impression that anything is missing at all. I can't tell if this is entirely sane, but the truth is I am genuinely HAPPIER alone than I am with someone... and apparently, that isn't supposed to be "normal," is it?

Who actually gets to decide what counts as "normal" anyway? Is it just whatever the majority thinks? Give me a break...

redcanyon93 said:I was catching up with a friend the other day, and they mentioned that quite a few people they know see me as someone who is much better off flying solo. To be perfectly honest, I find myself falling squarely into that same category as well.

What is your take on people like this? Is it simply a matter of finding comfort in one's own company, or does it stem from some sort of emotional incapacity? Are we all just becoming increasingly comfortable being alone... perhaps too much so?

Let me elaborate on why being alone is actually far less taxing for me than being in a relationship. When I am by myself, I don't feel the absence of anyone; I’m not waiting on anyone, nor am I constantly preoccupied with whether someone else is okay or if something has gone wrong in their life...

However, once I am with someone else, I become painfully aware of my own solitude, and that realization starts to weigh heavily on me—it's significantly harder to bear than when I am ACTUALLY ALONE. Every moment that person is absent begins to ache; every smile they offer to another woman feels like a sting, and every harsh word cuts deep... yet, when I am solo, I don't even get the impression that anything is missing at all. I can't tell if this is entirely sane, but the truth is I am genuinely HAPPIER alone than I am with someone... and apparently, that isn't supposed to be "normal," is it?

It sounds like you might be struggling with self-esteem or negative thoughts, so you're choosing the path of least resistance.

Once you build yourself up enough to be steady and fulfilled—so that you're content even when a partner isn't around, provided they are positive enough that you don't spiral when they leave your side—then being in a relationship will feel great too.

It's like deciding not to buy ice cream because you're afraid one drip might ruin your shirt. You just watch everyone else enjoy it so you can stay perfectly clean.

At the end of the day, it's about what you choose to make of yourself and your life; it doesn't matter what everyone else considers "normal."

Personally, I think that mindset is a bit cowardly.

It’s one thing to be without someone, but it’s an entirely different beast to have them and still feel like you're alone.
Personally, I struggle with the solitude—it hits hard sometimes—but honestly? There’s a massive upside because when I'm on my own, I finally have the freedom to do exactly what I want..................

driftingmaker said:It sounds like you might be struggling with self-esteem or negative thoughts, so you're choosing the path of least resistance.

Once you build yourself up enough to be steady and fulfilled—so that you're content even when a partner isn't around, provided they are positive enough that you don't spiral when they leave your side—then being in a relationship will feel great too.

It's like deciding not to buy ice cream because you're afraid one drip might ruin your shirt. You just watch everyone else enjoy it so you can stay perfectly clean.

At the end of the day, it's about what you choose to make of yourself and your life; it doesn't matter what everyone else considers "normal."

Personally, I think that mindset is a bit cowardly.

In other words, why should she be the only one having a good time? There’s really no reason to be jealous.🙂
Back when I was married, I felt like I couldn't do anything that actually made me happy. Now that I'm divorced, I feel like a whole new person. I finally have plenty of time to focus on myself, which means I can dive headfirst into all the adrenaline sports I love. I even spent New Year's diving with sharks over on Coconut Island!373 miles I'm planning a trip to the coasts of Costa Rica soon, and then in just a month, I'm heading off to Tanzania for a mix of safaris and diving.
I'm loving life right now. 👍

driftingmaker said:It sounds like you might be struggling with self-esteem or negative thoughts, so you're choosing the path of least resistance.

Once you build yourself up enough to be steady and fulfilled—so that you're content even when a partner isn't around, provided they are positive enough that you don't spiral when they leave your side—then being in a relationship will feel great too.

It's like deciding not to buy ice cream because you're afraid one drip might ruin your shirt. You just watch everyone else enjoy it so you can stay perfectly clean.

At the end of the day, it's about what you choose to make of yourself and your life; it doesn't matter what everyone else considers "normal."

Personally, I think that mindset is a bit cowardly.

wow

talking down to people like that, acting like you've lived a thousand lives already.

I find myself agreeing with both redcanyon93 and driftingmaker...

For now, I suppose I still fall into the redcanyon93 camp. 😛

Though wouldn't it be nice to belong to the other group?

granitefalcon26 said:In other words, why should she be the only one having a good time? There’s really no reason to be jealous.🙂
Back when I was married, I felt like I couldn't do anything that actually made me happy. Now that I'm divorced, I feel like a whole new person. I finally have plenty of time to focus on myself, which means I can dive headfirst into all the adrenaline sports I love. I even spent New Year's diving with sharks over on Coconut Island!373 miles I'm planning a trip to the coasts of Costa Rica soon, and then in just a month, I'm heading off to Tanzania for a mix of safaris and diving.
I'm loving life right now. 👍

Envious? 😕
Did you even really catch what she was saying?
Go ahead and read it again.
It's obvious the girl went through some rough stuff, so being single is just better for her.

And you being stuck in a marriage with the wrong person without any freedom is the exact same thing. There are marriages where people can actually be themselves. 😉

rustybadger17 said:wow

talking down to people like that, acting like you've lived a thousand lives already.

What part of that was talking down? Please, give me an example.

And yeah, I've definitely seen my fair share of life, if that matters.

driftingmaker said:Envious? 😕
Did you even really catch what she was saying?
Go ahead and read it again.
It's obvious the girl went through some rough stuff, so being single is just better for her.

And you being stuck in a marriage with the wrong person without any freedom is the exact same thing. There are marriages where people can actually be themselves. 😉

What part of that was talking down? Please, give me an example.

And yeah, I've definitely seen my fair share of life, if that matters.

Sure, those kinds of marriages exist on paper.🤣
I did read her post. She said she’s better off single, but I didn't see anything in there about her having majorly traumatic experiences in her relationship.😁

granitefalcon26 said:Sure, those kinds of marriages exist on paper.🤣
I did read her post. She said she’s better off single, but I didn't see anything in there about her having majorly traumatic experiences in her relationship.😁

Good marriages don't exist if yours was a disaster. 🙄
Anyway, let's get back to the topic at hand.

Every time they aren't around, it hurts—seeing them smile at other women or hearing those harsh words.

Do you really think this looks like a healthy relationship?
If you're cool with using harsh language, then that's fine by me.

Keep enjoying that freedom; I'm really glad to hear you're having such a great time. 🙂

driftingmaker said:Good marriages don't exist if yours was a disaster. 🙄
Anyway, let's get back to the topic at hand.

Every time they aren't around, it hurts—seeing them smile at other women or hearing those harsh words.

Do you really think this looks like a healthy relationship?
If you're cool with using harsh language, then that's fine by me.

Keep enjoying that freedom; I'm really glad to hear you're having such a great time. 🙂

Honestly, I don't even know what makes a marriage "good," so maybe my standards are just skewed.☕
I'm done with all the dating drama—relationships, flings, nothing. Definitely no marriage for me.🙄🙂 For everything else, there's always an escort service. 👍

Every time someone starts a thread about being single... a bunch of self-righteous busybodies jump in to insist it’s just a temporary phase that’ll eventually pass. They basically try to make you feel "broken" just because you aren't coupled up.

If someone is happy and perfectly fine being single, why shouldn't they be?
It feels like we’re constantly forced to apologize for it.🙄

granitefalcon26 said:Honestly, I don't even know what makes a marriage "good," so maybe my standards are just skewed.☕
I'm done with all the dating drama—relationships, flings, nothing. Definitely no marriage for me.🙄🙂 For everything else, there's always an escort service. 👍

🤣 That’s not necessarily a bad thing.

I've been through a rough marriage myself, but I know healthy relationships and marriages really do exist.
I spent a long time being single by choice, and I didn't feel like I was missing anything. But then I happened to meet someone who brings me such peace; I can be my true self at any moment and feel completely free. It’s everything I used to think only existed in movies. And I finally found it now, in my middle years.
So, I definitely know what I'm talking about.

driftingmaker said:🤣 That’s not necessarily a bad thing.

I've been through a rough marriage myself, but I know healthy relationships and marriages really do exist.
I spent a long time being single by choice, and I didn't feel like I was missing anything. But then I happened to meet someone who brings me such peace; I can be my true self at any moment and feel completely free. It’s everything I used to think only existed in movies. And I finally found it now, in my middle years.
So, I definitely know what I'm talking about.

People always ask me how my marriage is going. Honestly? It’s great. How is it so great? Well, it's pretty simple. My husband handles the cooking, keeps the house running, and looks after the kids. Meanwhile, I make sure to take all my work stress out on them the second I walk through the door. Sounds a little rough, I know, but hey—it works for us! 🙄

granitefalcon26 said:People always ask me how my marriage is going. Honestly? It’s great. How is it so great? Well, it's pretty simple. My husband handles the cooking, keeps the house running, and looks after the kids. Meanwhile, I make sure to take all my work stress out on them the second I walk through the door. Sounds a little rough, I know, but hey—it works for us! 🙄

What was the author trying to say?

rustybadger17 said:wow

talking down to people like that, acting like you've lived a thousand lives already.

I completely agree with you regarding that condescending tone, as if she’s lived a thousand lifetimes. Honestly, she hasn't even grasped the core of what we're discussing.

@granitefalcon26 - most people are just driven by pure envy; they desperately want to believe that since you're divorced, things must be going terribly for you😁 and that their own miserable marriages are somehow superior simply because they aren't flying solo😁—as if being cheated on, feeling utterly depressed, and hating the very person you wake up next to every morning isn't a massive tragedy compared to your situation. Good grief, I have lost count of how many times I've heard these pathetic excuses from "girlfriends"...😁

What I was actually trying to get at is that, when weighing the constant turmoil of a toxic relationship against peaceful solitude (which, let's be honest, has its own downsides), I would much rather embrace a quiet, high-quality life alone🙂 than have the freedom to travel whenever I want, only to have someone constantly monitoring my every move or worrying that those extra three pounds might "threaten" the marriage and give my spouse an excuse to go out and cheat... and so on.

Maybe choosing the path of least resistance is a bit lazy, but in my book, it's a much more dignified way to live...🙂

driftingmaker said:What was the author trying to say?

You really have to ask the other side how they’re doing in the marriage, too. You need to know if it’s a partnership or just straight-up forced labor.😍

redcanyon93 said:I completely agree with you regarding that condescending tone, as if she’s lived a thousand lifetimes. Honestly, she hasn't even grasped the core of what we're discussing.

@granitefalcon26 - most people are just driven by pure envy; they desperately want to believe that since you're divorced, things must be going terribly for you😁 and that their own miserable marriages are somehow superior simply because they aren't flying solo😁—as if being cheated on, feeling utterly depressed, and hating the very person you wake up next to every morning isn't a massive tragedy compared to your situation. Good grief, I have lost count of how many times I've heard these pathetic excuses from "girlfriends"...😁

What I was actually trying to get at is that, when weighing the constant turmoil of a toxic relationship against peaceful solitude (which, let's be honest, has its own downsides), I would much rather embrace a quiet, high-quality life alone🙂 than have the freedom to travel whenever I want, only to have someone constantly monitoring my every move or worrying that those extra three pounds might "threaten" the marriage and give my spouse an excuse to go out and cheat... and so on.

Maybe choosing the path of least resistance is a bit lazy, but in my book, it's a much more dignified way to live...🙂

But look, if you had to pick right now—between having a solid, fulfilling life on your own versus finding a stable, meaningful relationship—which way are you leaning?

Gerald Grant3 said:Every time someone starts a thread about being single... a bunch of self-righteous busybodies jump in to insist it’s just a temporary phase that’ll eventually pass. They basically try to make you feel "broken" just because you aren't coupled up.

If someone is happy and perfectly fine being single, why shouldn't they be?
It feels like we’re constantly forced to apologize for it.🙄

Yeah, I’m feeling exactly the same way. Honestly, it’s starting to rub me the wrong way. Like, excuse me, but where on earth do they get the nerve to start dictating what the standards should be? It’s absurd! If anything, they should be the ones offering me an apology... because most of the time, I’m stuck listening to their endless domestic disputes, their constant bickering, and all those messy stories about their various affairs and whatnot...

redcanyon93 said:I completely agree with you regarding that condescending tone, as if she’s lived a thousand lifetimes. Honestly, she hasn't even grasped the core of what we're discussing.

@granitefalcon26 - most people are just driven by pure envy; they desperately want to believe that since you're divorced, things must be going terribly for you😁 and that their own miserable marriages are somehow superior simply because they aren't flying solo😁—as if being cheated on, feeling utterly depressed, and hating the very person you wake up next to every morning isn't a massive tragedy compared to your situation. Good grief, I have lost count of how many times I've heard these pathetic excuses from "girlfriends"...😁

What I was actually trying to get at is that, when weighing the constant turmoil of a toxic relationship against peaceful solitude (which, let's be honest, has its own downsides), I would much rather embrace a quiet, high-quality life alone🙂 than have the freedom to travel whenever I want, only to have someone constantly monitoring my every move or worrying that those extra three pounds might "threaten" the marriage and give my spouse an excuse to go out and cheat... and so on.

Maybe choosing the path of least resistance is a bit lazy, but in my book, it's a much more dignified way to live...🙂

I totally agree. 👍 My inner peace is everything to me.
By the way, if I were still married, I could only dream of having this kind of peace. 😉