Who thrives most as a solo player?

granitefalcon26 said:In other words, why should she be the only one having a good time? There’s really no reason to be jealous.🙂
Back when I was married, I felt like I couldn't do anything that actually made me happy. Now that I'm divorced, I feel like a whole new person. I finally have plenty of time to focus on myself, which means I can dive headfirst into all the adrenaline sports I love. I even spent New Year's diving with sharks over on Coconut Island!373 miles I'm planning a trip to the coasts of Costa Rica soon, and then in just a month, I'm heading off to Tanzania for a mix of safaris and diving.
I'm loving life right now. 👍

Well, looking at it this way, a man like that isn't really built for long-term love or marriage... it’s such a shame you went through that marriage (I imagine it left you with a bit of a broken heart). Personally, your recent adventures don't sound unappealing to me at all—in fact, I’d love to experience them myself, though I can't quite fathom how one would manage all that while balancing kids and a marriage. But my main point is that, for me, a simple yesterday spent with my kid and my husband was much more beautiful than any of those activities (unless they were sharing those experiences with me... but that's a different story entirely).
It makes me think there are certain people who simply shouldn't get married or have children, because you can't raise kids just by showing them postcards from your travels; it's just a reality of life, and I don't see why it's so difficult for people to accept.
I have a friend who is honestly the ideal partner, with one major exception: he isn't cut out for the long haul. He's wonderful for a friendship—loyal, incredibly responsible, and reliable—but he finds so much fulfillment in a life without a family that he openly admits it, so everyone eventually gave up on trying to "fix" his situation. A large portion of people who aren't suited for marriage are individuals whose mental health is somewhat questionable; it's easy to maintain a hundred superficial friendships, look great, and even make good money, but marriage tends to reveal much more about a person than we might care to know—though I won't dwell on them, as that's a whole separate conversation.

granitefalcon26 said:I totally agree. 👍 My inner peace is everything to me.
By the way, if I were still married, I could only dream of having this kind of peace. 😉

I mean, why wouldn't this work if you're actually hitched to someone who gets just as hyped about traveling and diving with sharks as you do?

Melissa Walker5 said:I mean, why wouldn't this work if you're actually hitched to someone who gets just as hyped about traveling and diving with sharks as you do?

The odds would be about one in a million. 😂🤣
I’d basically need to be an executive at some Fortune 500 company just so we could both afford it. (An 8-day dive cruise with all the bells and whistles, excluding flights, ran me about $4,000)
BTW, she’d start nagging me immediately about drinking too much or eating too much.🤣

driftingmaker said:I mean, you’ve got some valid points there, I'll give you that. 🙂

Now, I realize I’m speaking from a bit of a high horse here, but still. 😁

You seem pretty set in your ways, but what happens if that "perfect gentleman" doesn't show up until you're middle-aged, or worse, what happens when he turns out to be anything but a gentleman?

Honestly, why weren't you feeling much better during those years when you were just on your own, before this supposed great man came along? 😕

nimblewalker58 said:You seem pretty set in your ways, but what happens if that "perfect gentleman" doesn't show up until you're middle-aged, or worse, what happens when he turns out to be anything but a gentleman?

Honestly, why weren't you feeling much better during those years when you were just on your own, before this supposed great man came along? 😕

Where did I ever say I wasn't doing well during that time? 🙂

If you can still be this caught up in it after all these years, then sure, maybe I am. 😍

But seriously, is reading comprehension really that hard?
I know you guys can do better than this.

driftingmaker said:Where did I ever say I wasn't doing well during that time? 🙂

If you can still be this caught up in it after all these years, then sure, maybe I am. 😍

But seriously, is reading comprehension really that hard?
I know you guys can do better than this.

Look, I read perfectly fine; the issue is that you’re operating under the assumption that being single somehow equals being unhappy, just because the person who started this thread mentioned being afraid.

There are plenty of single people out there who aren't afraid—they either simply don't want a relationship, they might want one but aren't interested in what's currently being offered, or they don't even notice anyone is trying because they're far too preoccupied with other major life priorities.

And yet, you've gone ahead and branded all those people as insecure and miserable. 🙂

nimblewalker58 said:Look, I read perfectly fine; the issue is that you’re operating under the assumption that being single somehow equals being unhappy, just because the person who started this thread mentioned being afraid.

There are plenty of single people out there who aren't afraid—they either simply don't want a relationship, they might want one but aren't interested in what's currently being offered, or they don't even notice anyone is trying because they're far too preoccupied with other major life priorities.

And yet, you've gone ahead and branded all those people as insecure and miserable. 🙂

Once again,
my first post was strictly about the person who started this thread. 😉

@Jamie Johnson6 — you’ve actually provided a rather poignant example here, and frankly, I suspect that man is perfectly content with the life he’s carved out for himself. In fact, I’d argue there is a certain merit to the fact that others have decided to stop "trying to help" him... because if he truly found himself in need of assistance, I am certain he would be the first to ask for it.
The only point where I find myself unable to concur is your suggestion that he is mentally ill; though, I assume you were merely using that as a figure of speech rather than implying a clinical diagnosis.
I personally know quite a few people who are married and are, in fact, profoundly mentally ill. It stands to reason that marriage and one's mental state are not inherently correlated at all...

redcanyon93 said:@Jamie Johnson6 — you’ve actually provided a rather poignant example here, and frankly, I suspect that man is perfectly content with the life he’s carved out for himself. In fact, I’d argue there is a certain merit to the fact that others have decided to stop "trying to help" him... because if he truly found himself in need of assistance, I am certain he would be the first to ask for it.
The only point where I find myself unable to concur is your suggestion that he is mentally ill; though, I assume you were merely using that as a figure of speech rather than implying a clinical diagnosis.
I personally know quite a few people who are married and are, in fact, profoundly mentally ill. It stands to reason that marriage and one's mental state are not inherently correlated at all...

I think you might have misread me a bit; this friend of mine is actually in excellent mental standing, believe me. 😁
While marriage and mental health challenges certainly can be linked, that is a much deeper conversation for another time.

driftingmaker said:It sounds like you might be struggling with self-esteem or negative thoughts, so you're choosing the path of least resistance.

Once you build yourself up enough to be steady and fulfilled—so that you're content even when a partner isn't around, provided they are positive enough that you don't spiral when they leave your side—then being in a relationship will feel great too.

It's like deciding not to buy ice cream because you're afraid one drip might ruin your shirt. You just watch everyone else enjoy it so you can stay perfectly clean.

At the end of the day, it's about what you choose to make of yourself and your life; it doesn't matter what everyone else considers "normal."

Personally, I think that mindset is a bit cowardly.

Hmm, well, isn't it also kind of cowardly to cling to someone just because you're scared of being alone? It's really just two sides of the same coin...

In my book, you have to distinguish between "being alone" and "feeling lonely." I’d much rather be by myself and feel totally fine than be stuck in bad company... so either way, I'm not lonely! Loneliness doesn't drive me, and it definitely doesn't hold me back...

There’s definitely some truth to the idea that relationships can get messy—they can stir up all kinds of internal chaos depending on who you are... but there's also this truth that being alone offers this crystal-clear picture of yourself and a real sense of emotional stability...

But man, that magic of sharing the beautiful moments with someone else? That is absolutely priceless...
Building something together, growing together, just enjoying life as a duo—that is pure magic! Nobody should ever give that up! Just, you know, don't lose yourself in the process when you're with someone else...

The key is just being okay with whatever you choose, whether it's solo time or partner time... just always pick what's best for YOU. If you want to be with someone, go all in! Give it 100%, let go, and enjoy the ride—don't live in fear. And if you want to be on your own, then love that and soak it up too...

Ugh, now I'm actually craving a little bit of that magic myself just to sweeten things up! 😁

👍

rustybadger17 said:wow

talking down to people like that, acting like you've lived a thousand lives already.

Exactly. Ever since my divorce, I've been a totally different person. Marriage again? Not on my mind. People talk about "love," but honestly... it's just about interests these days. That's just how things are now.
Being alone doesn't bother me. I'm always busy with some project, so there's no boredom. And when things get lonely? Well, I know where to go.😁

Where does one even go? Where do the night owls head? 🙂

In my estimation, there is a certain cowardice involved in staying with someone simply because the prospect of being alone is too daunting... at least, by my own metric.

Furthermore, when I utilized the word "afraid," I was referring to the fact that I fear *for* the other person. Their well-being matters to me; I feel a sense of responsibility toward them that extends beyond my own interests. When you are flying solo, you are only ever responsible for your own actions and your own consequences.

I am not entirely certain if I emphasized clearly enough that solitude does not bother me—unlike how it seems to affect certain other people. I don't spiral into depression, I don't spend my weekends weeping, nor do I harbor any thoughts of self-harm.

@Jamie Johnson6, my apologies, I didn't catch that quite right 🙂

Carol Thomas85 said:Hmm, well, isn't it also kind of cowardly to cling to someone just because you're scared of being alone? It's really just two sides of the same coin...

In my book, you have to distinguish between "being alone" and "feeling lonely." I’d much rather be by myself and feel totally fine than be stuck in bad company... so either way, I'm not lonely! Loneliness doesn't drive me, and it definitely doesn't hold me back...

There’s definitely some truth to the idea that relationships can get messy—they can stir up all kinds of internal chaos depending on who you are... but there's also this truth that being alone offers this crystal-clear picture of yourself and a real sense of emotional stability...

But man, that magic of sharing the beautiful moments with someone else? That is absolutely priceless...
Building something together, growing together, just enjoying life as a duo—that is pure magic! Nobody should ever give that up! Just, you know, don't lose yourself in the process when you're with someone else...

The key is just being okay with whatever you choose, whether it's solo time or partner time... just always pick what's best for YOU. If you want to be with someone, go all in! Give it 100%, let go, and enjoy the ride—don't live in fear. And if you want to be on your own, then love that and soak it up too...

Ugh, now I'm actually craving a little bit of that magic myself just to sweeten things up! 😁

I think it’s actually cowardly to stay with someone when being with them causes you constant unrest—like what the author described (in her case, jealousy and insecurity)—rather than choosing solitude out of pure comfort.
There's a huge difference there.
Staying in a relationship or marriage just to avoid loneliness is even worse.

there's a distinction between "being alone" and "feeling lonely" in my book... I'd much rather be by myself among good people than be with someone in bad company... so either way, I'm not lonely, nor is loneliness driving me or holding me back...

There is some truth to the idea that relationships can be messy and create internal turmoil, depending on the person... it's also true that being alone offers a certain clarity and emotional stability...

but that magic of sharing beautiful moments with someone else is priceless...
building and enjoying life as a pair is true magic, and no one should give that up! Just as you shouldn't lose yourself when you're in a relationship...

The key is being okay whether you choose to be alone or with someone... always choose what's best for you. If you want to be with someone, go all in, let go, and enjoy it without fear... if you want to be alone, love that and enjoy it too...

man, now I'm craving a little bit of that magic to sweeten my day 😁

Great post.

Carol Thomas85 said:Hmm, well, isn't it also kind of cowardly to cling to someone just because you're scared of being alone? It's really just two sides of the same coin...

In my book, you have to distinguish between "being alone" and "feeling lonely." I’d much rather be by myself and feel totally fine than be stuck in bad company... so either way, I'm not lonely! Loneliness doesn't drive me, and it definitely doesn't hold me back...

There’s definitely some truth to the idea that relationships can get messy—they can stir up all kinds of internal chaos depending on who you are... but there's also this truth that being alone offers this crystal-clear picture of yourself and a real sense of emotional stability...

But man, that magic of sharing the beautiful moments with someone else? That is absolutely priceless...
Building something together, growing together, just enjoying life as a duo—that is pure magic! Nobody should ever give that up! Just, you know, don't lose yourself in the process when you're with someone else...

The key is just being okay with whatever you choose, whether it's solo time or partner time... just always pick what's best for YOU. If you want to be with someone, go all in! Give it 100%, let go, and enjoy the ride—don't live in fear. And if you want to be on your own, then love that and soak it up too...

Ugh, now I'm actually craving a little bit of that magic myself just to sweeten things up! 😁

This is beautifully put. Personally, I think I've come to realize that I value my own emotional peace far more than I value the stress that comes with dating... I mean, maybe there are some "stable" couples out there that I simply haven't encountered yet, but I highly doubt it... To me, maintaining a relationship feels like nothing but HARD WORK for very little reward 🙂
It's like spending all day digging ditches in the middle of a dusty Texas summer for pennies; by the end of it, you find yourself wishing you had never stepped foot in the trench at all...

redcanyon93 said:I was catching up with a friend the other day, and they mentioned that quite a few people they know see me as someone who is much better off flying solo. To be perfectly honest, I find myself falling squarely into that same category as well.

What is your take on people like this? Is it simply a matter of finding comfort in one's own company, or does it stem from some sort of emotional incapacity? Are we all just becoming increasingly comfortable being alone... perhaps too much so?

Let me elaborate on why being alone is actually far less taxing for me than being in a relationship. When I am by myself, I don't feel the absence of anyone; I’m not waiting on anyone, nor am I constantly preoccupied with whether someone else is okay or if something has gone wrong in their life...

However, once I am with someone else, I become painfully aware of my own solitude, and that realization starts to weigh heavily on me—it's significantly harder to bear than when I am ACTUALLY ALONE. Every moment that person is absent begins to ache; every smile they offer to another woman feels like a sting, and every harsh word cuts deep... yet, when I am solo, I don't even get the impression that anything is missing at all. I can't tell if this is entirely sane, but the truth is I am genuinely HAPPIER alone than I am with someone... and apparently, that isn't supposed to be "normal," is it?

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve spiraled into these thoughts. To be honest, both dating and being single have their pros and cons. Sure, it’s wonderful to have someone to share your triumphs with or a shoulder to lean on when life gets messy, but a relationship isn't just a highlight reel. It carries baggage and restrictions that I personally refuse to swallow. Since you shared your experience, I'll lay mine out too. I absolutely love the rush of falling in love and the warmth of being in a partnership, but those downsides you listed—plus a few others you didn't even mention—drive me absolutely crazy. They bother me so much that I find myself feeling exactly like you: I'd gladly "sacrifice" all those beautiful romantic moments just to reclaim my peace and my freedom. Beyond what you touched on, the negatives for me include this stifling lack of autonomy and this exhausting feeling of being halved. My energy feels split in two because I can't give 100% of my focus to myself; I'm always preoccupied with my partner. Even if I'm having the best day ever, I can't be fully happy if they are sick, depressed, or just acting out. Recently, I met a woman who told me she had completely checked out of the dating scene. She said she’s perfectly fine on her own and has zero intention of getting back into a relationship. Honestly? It spooked me. It terrified me because I feel like I'm already heading down that exact path. I don't even know why that realization scared me so much—maybe someone here can guess why, since I'm stumped. I keep asking myself: should we just embrace this solitary lifestyle if it feels this good? Or should we be working on ourselves so that we aren't so easily wounded by things we can't control—like where our partner looks, what they're passionate about, or how they spend their time when they aren't with us?

I’ve always known I wasn't built for symbiosis... so why go and make life miserable for myself and someone else? Thank Bog, I feel good, I'm satisfied, and I don't have any desire to change a thing.😉

redcanyon93 said:Where does one even go? Where do the night owls head? 🙂

In my estimation, there is a certain cowardice involved in staying with someone simply because the prospect of being alone is too daunting... at least, by my own metric.

Furthermore, when I utilized the word "afraid," I was referring to the fact that I fear *for* the other person. Their well-being matters to me; I feel a sense of responsibility toward them that extends beyond my own interests. When you are flying solo, you are only ever responsible for your own actions and your own consequences.

I am not entirely certain if I emphasized clearly enough that solitude does not bother me—unlike how it seems to affect certain other people. I don't spiral into depression, I don't spend my weekends weeping, nor do I harbor any thoughts of self-harm.

@Jamie Johnson6, my apologies, I didn't catch that quite right 🙂

Besides... playing with yourself isn't exactly good for the brain.😁
When you're on your own, you don't have to answer to anyone. There are plenty of perks. So far, I haven't seen a single downside...

Look, I’m a total loner myself. I honestly love my solo life—just me, my own space, and zero drama. If I ever decide to get serious and jump into a relationship, it’s only going to be with someone who basically operates on the same wavelength. We’re talking about someone who gets the need for massive amounts of "me time" and actually respects those hobbies and side projects that keep us sane. That sense of independence? It’s non-negotiable for me. I am absolutely not sacrificing my freedom for anyone.

It would be pretty sweet to find a partner who actually understands that and values it just as much as I do. I think we’d balance each other out perfectly—maybe even find a higher level of happiness together. But then again, I’m already living a full, happy life just the way things are now 🙂

This new divorce law proposal is just going to drive marriage rates down. Why even bother getting married?
With Kuraba doing the heavy lifting, you don't even have to bring a wife home or deal with marriage. 😁

Matthew Edwards2 said:This new divorce law proposal is just going to drive marriage rates down. Why even bother getting married?
With Kuraba doing the heavy lifting, you don't even have to bring a wife home or deal with marriage. 😁

I'm with you on this one.👍