Who thrives most as a solo player?

Hey there! Just dropping in to say hello. Hope everyone's having a good one! kaže:

What kind of trouble am I getting myself into if I fall for some small-town girl living out on a mountain ranch?
I feel like I’m just losing my entire life, constantly patching things up just to get from one day to the next. It's like I'm stuck in this endless cycle of survival mode, just trying to hold everything together.

So, you’re actually content with that kind of life—just scraping by, day after day, barely keeping your head above water?🤷...because you're just terrified of losing him.

What does an MIT grad actually lose if they spend ten years in school, live in their parents' basement, and end up stuck in some dead-end government job?
Honestly, he isn't losing a thing. He finished his degree, landed that high-pressure role, got married—and let's be real, he’s going to keep living his life exactly like he did before the wedding. Everything stays pretty much the same... until a kid shows up. That's when the real shift happens.
She’s been part of the crew for ages now, and honestly, they fit together perfectly.

What’s my Soler difference?🙂
It feels like I’m being asked to give up my entire life... the only one I’ve ever actually known, the one I spent years carefully building for myself. It’s funny, because if you look at it from the outside, that version of me is perfect—it’s miles away from anything messy or complicated. But if we’re going to make this work, if we’re actually going to build a life together, it feels like I have to let go of everything I know.

Of course, everyone has to be ready to embrace change. You can't just sit around when life decides to take a sudden turn or if you decide to pivot toward a completely different lifestyle that you aren't used to yet. You've got to be willing to lean into those shifts, even when they feel a bit uncomfortable at first.
I honestly don't see how you can just estimate that from memory. How are you even supposed to gauge—based on what, really?—how much someone's life actually shifts when they decide to make a major pivot?😕

Look, I need a partner who can actually fit into my solo lifestyle, not someone who expects me to rebuild my entire world around them. If I find the right person, I shouldn't have to sacrifice much at all.

Look, it’s pretty obvious you're just too comfortable in that cozy little bubble of yours. You've got things set up so perfectly that there's zero incentive to actually move. You're staying exactly where you are because life is just too easy right now.😉
The real question here is: what exactly would a potential partner be losing by trying to fit themselves into the narrow corners of your life? And more importantly, are you actually prepared to handle that loss? It feels like you aren't even bothering to ask what the other person expects from a relationship—which, let’s be honest, is pretty selfish if you're looking for a real connection. It seems like you have zero intention of making any compromises or changing your ways to make room for someone else.
You want someone you can just mold into your perfect image—someone who fits seamlessly into the life you've already built exactly how you envisioned it. But let’s be real: that’s just not how people work. Life isn't a DIY project where you get to pick the parts and snap them together until they fit your specific blueprint. People have their own rhythms, their own baggage, and their own ways of being. You can't just sand down the rough edges of a human soul to make them fit into your schedule or your expectations. It’s a hard lesson to learn, but trying to force someone to become your "perfect fit" usually just ends up breaking both people in the process.

From my early twenties until my mid-thirties, I never went more than a few months without having a woman in my life. I was always seeing someone.
Now that I’m married and finally feeling somewhat established, I’m starting to realize that I’m actually just a loner at heart. I’m at my best when I’m just hanging out at home by myself, or maybe wandering through some desolate desert or empty wilderness without anyone tagging along.
The whole thing—constantly worrying about someone else, making excuses, explaining myself, walking on eggshells so I don't say the wrong thing, or just trying to meet all those social expectations and obligations... honestly, I'm just over it. I couldn't care less.

Or maybe I'm just losing my mind. 😁

Joshua Sanchez3 said:From my early twenties until my mid-thirties, I never went more than a few months without having a woman in my life. I was always seeing someone.
Now that I’m married and finally feeling somewhat established, I’m starting to realize that I’m actually just a loner at heart. I’m at my best when I’m just hanging out at home by myself, or maybe wandering through some desolate desert or empty wilderness without anyone tagging along.
The whole thing—constantly worrying about someone else, making excuses, explaining myself, walking on eggshells so I don't say the wrong thing, or just trying to meet all those social expectations and obligations... honestly, I'm just over it. I couldn't care less.

Or maybe I'm just losing my mind. 😁

I’d call it a fear of intimacy.
People who actually achieve that level of closeness end up in committed relationships, while everyone else either keeps things casual with women or claims they just "don't need it."

I’m right there with you, Joshua Sanchez3. I’ve been in a relationship for over a decade now, and look, having someone by your side is great, but man, it is exhausting. You constantly have to stop thinking about what *I* want and start thinking about what *we* want. That means endless compromises—either it works for you, it works for me, or we settle for some lukewarm middle ground where nobody actually walks away happy. And as the years go by, things just get messier. It’s a non-stop cycle of compromising, explaining, justifying... just constant damn explanations!
Honestly, I live for those moments when I can just be home alone or wander around the city by myself. Even when I was a kid, I used to count down the minutes until my parents left for work just so I could have the house to myself. These days, I can barely find any time for myself, and when I finally do, I’m still stuck trying to manage five hundred different things at once.

I totally get the people who choose to stay single; I think it's awesome. The absolute worst thing is seeing people jump into a relationship just because they're terrified of being alone.

Sam Green73 said:I’d call it a fear of intimacy.
People who actually achieve that level of closeness end up in committed relationships, while everyone else either keeps things casual with women or claims they just "don't need it."

I don't think that's quite it. To me, this looks more like a saturation phase—something you see all the time in long-term marriages or long-standing partnerships.

Sam Green73 said:I’d call it a fear of intimacy.
People who actually achieve that level of closeness end up in committed relationships, while everyone else either keeps things casual with women or claims they just "don't need it."

It’s not really that black and white. Sometimes I just need a few days of peace and quiet. I guess.

Joshua Sanchez3 said:From my early twenties until my mid-thirties, I never went more than a few months without having a woman in my life. I was always seeing someone.
Now that I’m married and finally feeling somewhat established, I’m starting to realize that I’m actually just a loner at heart. I’m at my best when I’m just hanging out at home by myself, or maybe wandering through some desolate desert or empty wilderness without anyone tagging along.
The whole thing—constantly worrying about someone else, making excuses, explaining myself, walking on eggshells so I don't say the wrong thing, or just trying to meet all those social expectations and obligations... honestly, I'm just over it. I couldn't care less.

Or maybe I'm just losing my mind. 😁

To me, this sounds like you just tied yourself to the wrong person. 🤷

driftingmaker said:To me, this sounds like you just tied yourself to the wrong person. 🤷

Before things reached a breaking point...

Sean Cruz said:I don't think that's quite it. To me, this looks more like a saturation phase—something you see all the time in long-term marriages or long-standing partnerships.

Does anyone actually know if this "saturation" feeling passes, or does it just spiral downward from here? I feel stupid even asking this on a forum, but I don't have anyone in my real life to talk to about it. I only know one couple who's been together that long, and let me tell you, their situation has always been pretty rough. 😢

Aaron Jackson3 said:Does anyone actually know if this "saturation" feeling passes, or does it just spiral downward from here? I feel stupid even asking this on a forum, but I don't have anyone in my real life to talk to about it. I only know one couple who's been together that long, and let me tell you, their situation has always been pretty rough. 😢

How long have you two been together? Since high school, college...? And is this your first serious relationship? I know plenty of people who started something at sixteen and are now in their thirties. To me, that feels like being in a coma. Most of them are just held together by habit. I frequently see people in their thirties who act like they're fifty or older. There’s no spark left, just a business arrangement and a shared routine; they refer to each other as "my wife" or "my husband" like they're checking off a list. Honestly, looking back at myself at sixteen, there was no way I could have picked a life partner then. I was a child. I didn't even know who I was, let alone having any self-confidence. You need to experience breakups. You need to be alone. Only then do you stand a chance of finding a true partner—once you've actually met yourself. Sure, some people marry their high school sweethearts, but that isn't for me.

We met back in college. Now we’re both in our 30s, and let's be real—this isn't even our first serious relationship. On paper, everything looks solid. We’ve always had a great connection, tons of shared interests, and we genuinely respect one another... but lately? I don't know. For the last few years, it feels more like we're just business partners running a corporation than actual romantic partners. We're constantly getting on each other's nerves. Plus, life has been throwing nothing but heavy, stressful situations our way lately, which just makes us even more high-strung. It definitely doesn't help matters.

Aaron Jackson3 said:We met back in college. Now we’re both in our 30s, and let's be real—this isn't even our first serious relationship. On paper, everything looks solid. We’ve always had a great connection, tons of shared interests, and we genuinely respect one another... but lately? I don't know. For the last few years, it feels more like we're just business partners running a corporation than actual romantic partners. We're constantly getting on each other's nerves. Plus, life has been throwing nothing but heavy, stressful situations our way lately, which just makes us even more high-strung. It definitely doesn't help matters.

The daily grind eats away at everything. You have to find ways to break the routine. Go hiking on Saturday, take a bike ride just the two of you... anything to disrupt the monotony.

Aaron Jackson3 said:We met back in college. Now we’re both in our 30s, and let's be real—this isn't even our first serious relationship. On paper, everything looks solid. We’ve always had a great connection, tons of shared interests, and we genuinely respect one another... but lately? I don't know. For the last few years, it feels more like we're just business partners running a corporation than actual romantic partners. We're constantly getting on each other's nerves. Plus, life has been throwing nothing but heavy, stressful situations our way lately, which just makes us even more high-strung. It definitely doesn't help matters.

You should really take some time to look over the Aurora before you accidentally mess things up.
It's totally normal for people to need a little breathing room to themselves.
Make sure you're both actively carving out that solo time for one another.

Honestly, I think being single is the move.😁 Don't get me wrong—love is great and all, but most people just refuse to face reality: those "epic" romances eventually crash and burn, someone always ends up cheating, and it’s just a mess. I can't just ignore that—I'm not delusional.🤷
I mean, why bother? You start out just seeing someone casually, then suddenly you're married and drowning in obligations like kids, mortgages, and endless bills. I'd rather skip the whole thing entirely.🤣 It feels like I'd just be counting down the days until everything goes south. I can't just bury my head in the sand—I see exactly where this leads.🤷

I don’t have an issue with love itself, but I find relationships repulsive because they stem from this fundamental idea of ownership.

If you really think about it, just saying "my boyfriend" or "my girlfriend" uses possessive pronouns that imply we own another human being, which, in my opinion, is just twisted. Sure, parents and family members are "ours" by blood, but trying to claim someone outside of that circle is pure possessiveness.

For instance, if I happen to fall for someone, I certainly feel the need to be near them and to make them like me—but I have zero desire to possess them. Likewise, the thought of someone else "claiming" me is completely off-putting.

It's as if people aren't already tied down enough by their careers, mortgages, college degrees, housing, hobbies, and all that; now they want to commit themselves to someone else's emotions and, even worse, their free time.

Exactly what I said above. When you’re single, you actually have time for yourself, whereas being in a relationship makes that feel rare—if not impossible. I hear neighbors constantly bickering about "my wife" or "my partner," just fighting non-stop... it's loud. Personally, I haven't had many serious relationships, and I honestly love being solo. There is still so much I want to accomplish on my own terms. If I ever do find a guy, he’ll need to be someone who respects my independence and lets me do my thing. It would be perfect.🤷

Joshua Sanchez3 said:From my early twenties until my mid-thirties, I never went more than a few months without having a woman in my life. I was always seeing someone.
Now that I’m married and finally feeling somewhat established, I’m starting to realize that I’m actually just a loner at heart. I’m at my best when I’m just hanging out at home by myself, or maybe wandering through some desolate desert or empty wilderness without anyone tagging along.
The whole thing—constantly worrying about someone else, making excuses, explaining myself, walking on eggshells so I don't say the wrong thing, or just trying to meet all those social expectations and obligations... honestly, I'm just over it. I couldn't care less.

Or maybe I'm just losing my mind. 😁

I'm exactly the same way. I love being alone, doing most things on my own, going wherever I want. It's simply because I'm completely independent when it comes to space and time—I can do whatever I want, wherever I want, whenever the mood strikes me. That kind of freedom matters way more to me than romance. I honestly think if I ever end up with a girlfriend or a wife down the road, I'll probably struggle with it... because I just don't have the desire to be tied down or constantly worrying about someone else.

I realized this back in early high school when I started hitting up parties. I didn't really have anyone to go with, so I just went solo. And I realized how incredibly liberating that actually was. I didn't have to worry about being late for anyone, I could leave whenever I felt like it, I could suddenly change my plans and head somewhere else entirely... the only person I ever had to coordinate with was myself. 🙂

True, being in a relationship can be incredibly limiting when it comes to your social life.

Even if you happen to have a very tolerant partner, it’s tough! It’s hard to go somewhere, meet an absolutely fascinating person, and spend hours talking to them—only to then feel obligated to dedicate an entire evening to that newcomer. This is especially tricky if they are the opposite sex. Because once that happens, your significant other is bound to show up demanding their "fair share" of your attention.

It happens to me all the time! I’ll run into these incredibly interesting people, regardless of gender, and there is just something priceless about having the freedom to engage with them as much as you want.