Who thrives most as a solo player?

Jamie Johnson6 said:Well, looking at it this way, a man like that isn't really built for long-term love or marriage... it’s such a shame you went through that marriage (I imagine it left you with a bit of a broken heart). Personally, your recent adventures don't sound unappealing to me at all—in fact, I’d love to experience them myself, though I can't quite fathom how one would manage all that while balancing kids and a marriage. But my main point is that, for me, a simple yesterday spent with my kid and my husband was much more beautiful than any of those activities (unless they were sharing those experiences with me... but that's a different story entirely).
It makes me think there are certain people who simply shouldn't get married or have children, because you can't raise kids just by showing them postcards from your travels; it's just a reality of life, and I don't see why it's so difficult for people to accept.
I have a friend who is honestly the ideal partner, with one major exception: he isn't cut out for the long haul. He's wonderful for a friendship—loyal, incredibly responsible, and reliable—but he finds so much fulfillment in a life without a family that he openly admits it, so everyone eventually gave up on trying to "fix" his situation. A large portion of people who aren't suited for marriage are individuals whose mental health is somewhat questionable; it's easy to maintain a hundred superficial friendships, look great, and even make good money, but marriage tends to reveal much more about a person than we might care to know—though I won't dwell on them, as that's a whole separate conversation.

I'd much rather spend my day scuba diving with dolphins or sharks than wasting time on family stuff.☕

Wait, seriously, has anyone actually explained why this thread is even sitting in the psychology section? 🙂

Gerald Grant3 said:Wait, seriously, has anyone actually explained why this thread is even sitting in the psychology section? 🙂

It's basically a psychological dilemma. Do you enjoy life to the fullest, or stay married and spend your days thinking about ending it all?😂🤣

Honestly, it just comes down to pure disappointment, which is such a letdown😢

It can drive people to the absolute edge, even to suicide😢
Man, we can't let hope die out like this🙂))

Oh, thanks a lot... either I'm a genius or I should just end it all 😁

Jokes aside, the pressure from everyone around you is massive... why would things be any easier for you than they are for us? So fine, let's just beat you to death then...😲

granitefalcon26 said:I'd much rather spend my day scuba diving with dolphins or sharks than wasting time on family stuff.☕

Wait, did someone just disrespect the memory of those who passed?
My Mom is still with us, and I hope she lives to see another thousand years.🙂
There is a huge difference between the surface and the deep end here, you know?🙂
And that song? It just doesn't fit the vibe at all.🙂

Gerald Grant3 said:Oh, thanks a lot... either I'm a genius or I should just end it all 😁

Jokes aside, the pressure from everyone around you is massive... why would things be any easier for you than they are for us? So fine, let's just beat you to death then...😲

Exactly. 👍 That is precisely what's happening here. 😉

she said😢

granitefalcon26 said:I'd much rather spend my day scuba diving with dolphins or sharks than wasting time on family stuff.☕

So, how many days a year are you actually out there diving with sharks? My guess is you did it once in your life at some exotic spot and that was it. And hey, that’s fine—if that one trip keeps you stoked for the next ten years, or if you're loaded enough to pull it off again next year, whatever.
Look, even when you've got kids running around, you can still carve out some actual freedom and find time to just exist without someone breathing down your neck.

I’ve never actually done the whole single life thing since I’ve been with my man since forever, but honestly, I think living alone would suck. Like, the idea of having to eat lunch by myself every single day or going to bed in an empty house? Yeah, no thanks. We’ve basically mastered the art of being married and raising kids while still giving each other space to breathe, which is why I can be sitting here scrolling through this forum right now while my husband and our kid are glued to some Hulk Hogan rerun that I couldn't care less about.
By the way, you guys are out here talking about those night shift workers like they’re nothing, and someone actually had the nerve to call them Kanye Wests. That’s just straight-up trashy behavior. It’s pretty pathetic when you consider you’re all still using their services while spitting on them like that; honestly, your sweat and everything else is basically mixed in with what they provide. As far as I'm concerned, none of you have any business even opening your mouths on this topic.

How can you even look at yourself in the mirror after sleeping with a woman like that? I don't care if you actually paid her for the privilege or whatever—it still feels wrong. How do you just go about your day afterward?

... and then you go ahead and insult her like that. Even if she's a total mess, look, she’s a human being—maybe not a class act, sure, but she gave you what you wanted. Honestly, the way you're acting says a lot more about your own character than hers, and it really opens up a whole different set of issues.

For me, it really boils down to practicality and my bank account.

Think about it—maintaining a certain look and keeping up with grooming takes a massive amount of both time and money. When I’m flying solo, I can just skip the hair removal until I actually head to the beach (if I even bother 😁, honestly), and it feels incredibly liberating. I know there are guys out there who wouldn't mind if their partner was a bit more low-maintenance, but usually, those guys don't put much effort into themselves either, and I'm just not sure I could deal with someone like that 😁. I realize how hypocritical that sounds, though.

Plus, there are all these endless compromises that end up draining your time and cash. Of course, maybe one day after I've finally read every book on my list, mastered several languages, and realized I have nowhere to go with all this knowledge, I might actually want someone by my side. But even then, I'm fully aware that my options will be pretty limited 😢

Chloe Nguyen3 said:... and then you go ahead and insult her like that. Even if she's a total mess, look, she’s a human being—maybe not a class act, sure, but she gave you what you wanted. Honestly, the way you're acting says a lot more about your own character than hers, and it really opens up a whole different set of issues.

Seriously, please actually read what I wrote. Go find the specific post where I actually called a woman a Kanye West.🙄
The reality is, some women just do what they have to do to make ends meet. College isn't cheap.

Chloe Nguyen3 said:So, how many days a year are you actually out there diving with sharks? My guess is you did it once in your life at some exotic spot and that was it. And hey, that’s fine—if that one trip keeps you stoked for the next ten years, or if you're loaded enough to pull it off again next year, whatever.
Look, even when you've got kids running around, you can still carve out some actual freedom and find time to just exist without someone breathing down your neck.

I’ve never actually done the whole single life thing since I’ve been with my man since forever, but honestly, I think living alone would suck. Like, the idea of having to eat lunch by myself every single day or going to bed in an empty house? Yeah, no thanks. We’ve basically mastered the art of being married and raising kids while still giving each other space to breathe, which is why I can be sitting here scrolling through this forum right now while my husband and our kid are glued to some Hulk Hogan rerun that I couldn't care less about.
By the way, you guys are out here talking about those night shift workers like they’re nothing, and someone actually had the nerve to call them Kanye Wests. That’s just straight-up trashy behavior. It’s pretty pathetic when you consider you’re all still using their services while spitting on them like that; honestly, your sweat and everything else is basically mixed in with what they provide. As far as I'm concerned, none of you have any business even opening your mouths on this topic.

How can you even look at yourself in the mirror after sleeping with a woman like that? I don't care if you actually paid her for the privilege or whatever—it still feels wrong. How do you just go about your day afterward?

That’s a flawed assumption. I personally head out at least twice a year, and on average, a trip like that runs me about $3,000—and that's not even counting airfare. If you're trying to do that with a whole family, you might as well just stay home and watch Animal Planet (assuming you can actually afford cable or satellite). Seriously, every extra cent goes straight toward utilities and groceries. If you're actually pulling in a decent salary, you might get lucky enough to snag a week at a little hotel somewhere along the Atlantic Ocean. You're welcome.☕

Chloe Nguyen3 said:So, how many days a year are you actually out there diving with sharks? My guess is you did it once in your life at some exotic spot and that was it. And hey, that’s fine—if that one trip keeps you stoked for the next ten years, or if you're loaded enough to pull it off again next year, whatever.
Look, even when you've got kids running around, you can still carve out some actual freedom and find time to just exist without someone breathing down your neck.

I’ve never actually done the whole single life thing since I’ve been with my man since forever, but honestly, I think living alone would suck. Like, the idea of having to eat lunch by myself every single day or going to bed in an empty house? Yeah, no thanks. We’ve basically mastered the art of being married and raising kids while still giving each other space to breathe, which is why I can be sitting here scrolling through this forum right now while my husband and our kid are glued to some Hulk Hogan rerun that I couldn't care less about.
By the way, you guys are out here talking about those night shift workers like they’re nothing, and someone actually had the nerve to call them Kanye Wests. That’s just straight-up trashy behavior. It’s pretty pathetic when you consider you’re all still using their services while spitting on them like that; honestly, your sweat and everything else is basically mixed in with what they provide. As far as I'm concerned, none of you have any business even opening your mouths on this topic.

How can you even look at yourself in the mirror after sleeping with a woman like that? I don't care if you actually paid her for the privilege or whatever—it still feels wrong. How do you just go about your day afterward?

I like to think of traveling like surfing the web—you’re just riding the waves of information until you find that one perfect swell.😂🤣.
Just enjoy it while it lasts! Once your little one starts growing like crazy, you won't be able to do any of this stuff anymore.😁

redcanyon93 said:This is beautifully put. Personally, I think I've come to realize that I value my own emotional peace far more than I value the stress that comes with dating... I mean, maybe there are some "stable" couples out there that I simply haven't encountered yet, but I highly doubt it... To me, maintaining a relationship feels like nothing but HARD WORK for very little reward 🙂
It's like spending all day digging ditches in the middle of a dusty Texas summer for pennies; by the end of it, you find yourself wishing you had never stepped foot in the trench at all...

You definitely need to tackle that insecurity you mentioned in your opening post, though. But hey, staying single doesn't mean you aren't insecure; that's just sweeping everything under the rug! Work on yourself first, then test those waters in a relationship... if you're truly confident, you'll feel that way whether you're flying solo or paired up... Being afraid of yourself and your own feelings is just a defense mechanism, and sure, it might help occasionally, but living in fear isn't really living—it's just waiting for life to pass you by...

A "stable" relationship would imply everything stays frozen and static, but nature is all about flow and change! Think of a relationship like a game. As long as you share interests and play together with the same level of enthusiasm, the game keeps going... but once one person loses interest, or wants to play a different game, or wants to play with someone else, you fight over the toys, and then it's time to stop playing! When the game turns into "HARD WORK, a small pay" like you said, you walk away! Just don't stop playing altogether!!!!

The whole point is not taking life too seriously, because honestly, there's no proof that life is actually a serious business... Practice letting go and remember that this too shall pass, whatever it is, good or bad, because it all comes down to how you perceive it...

Looking back at everything I've been through—and man, I've definitely crashed and burned hard sometimes—I wouldn't trade those experiences for nothingness. No way!

From Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

It’s not even about being able to do whatever the hell I want when I'm alone. It’s just that the whole concept of marriage has never sat right with me... (honestly, not just marriage, but any kind of partnership where someone starts questioning... where I've been, where I'm going, or heaven forbid... if I can't do something myself!)
....so all this stuff about traveling, or shaving my legs, or whatever else people obsess over... it's just a bonus 😍

Carol Thomas85 said:You definitely need to tackle that insecurity you mentioned in your opening post, though. But hey, staying single doesn't mean you aren't insecure; that's just sweeping everything under the rug! Work on yourself first, then test those waters in a relationship... if you're truly confident, you'll feel that way whether you're flying solo or paired up... Being afraid of yourself and your own feelings is just a defense mechanism, and sure, it might help occasionally, but living in fear isn't really living—it's just waiting for life to pass you by...

A "stable" relationship would imply everything stays frozen and static, but nature is all about flow and change! Think of a relationship like a game. As long as you share interests and play together with the same level of enthusiasm, the game keeps going... but once one person loses interest, or wants to play a different game, or wants to play with someone else, you fight over the toys, and then it's time to stop playing! When the game turns into "HARD WORK, a small pay" like you said, you walk away! Just don't stop playing altogether!!!!

The whole point is not taking life too seriously, because honestly, there's no proof that life is actually a serious business... Practice letting go and remember that this too shall pass, whatever it is, good or bad, because it all comes down to how you perceive it...

Looking back at everything I've been through—and man, I've definitely crashed and burned hard sometimes—I wouldn't trade those experiences for nothingness. No way!

From Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

I think that was beautifully put, and I have definitely realized that I shouldn't take things quite so heavily. While you are with someone—well, you are, but whether you will be tomorrow? Neither you nor they know... there is no telling what life will throw at you... not even when you are married, let alone in an informal relationship....

However, let's say one thing I don't have to obsess over when I am single is money. I spend what I have, or what I don't have, on whatever I want or don't want. But once you are with someone, you always find yourself having to account for that other person, even if they earn their own living and have their own funds.... perhaps I don't feel like spending a weekend at a vineyard out in Napa... but he, for some reason, absolutely insists on going... or maybe I don't want to buy a new car... but he firmly believes I need one, whereas, honestly, my old clunker works just fine for me... yet I sense he thinks I *should* or *deserve* to have a new car, so why wouldn't I just buy it if I could? Except, I would much rather spend that money on books or tuck it away in savings because I simply cannot function without my emergency fund....

Maybe that is a silly example, but for me, it is all incredibly stressful. When I am solo, I drive my old car and I don't have to justify myself to anyone. If acquaintances or friends happen to mention it, I can easily brush them off, because I truly don't care what they think about it. But if a partner is constantly nagging me about it, then I start to feel terrible. Because I get this impression that they don't fully accept me because of something as trivial as an old car.

And there are a million examples like that. Everything from what people eat, to how they work, sleep, or dress.... I probably do the same to partners, commenting on every little thing, but clearly, other people don't perceive these things as dramatically as I do..

Kenneth Howard7 said:For me, it really boils down to practicality and my bank account.

Think about it—maintaining a certain look and keeping up with grooming takes a massive amount of both time and money. When I’m flying solo, I can just skip the hair removal until I actually head to the beach (if I even bother 😁, honestly), and it feels incredibly liberating. I know there are guys out there who wouldn't mind if their partner was a bit more low-maintenance, but usually, those guys don't put much effort into themselves either, and I'm just not sure I could deal with someone like that 😁. I realize how hypocritical that sounds, though.

Plus, there are all these endless compromises that end up draining your time and cash. Of course, maybe one day after I've finally read every book on my list, mastered several languages, and realized I have nowhere to go with all this knowledge, I might actually want someone by my side. But even then, I'm fully aware that my options will be pretty limited 😢

You were being very honest there, and to be fair, I felt exactly the same way back when I didn't have much cash to spare... but honestly, that's a silly way to look at it... you can spend next to nothing on these things and still look decent... before I had any real money, I used to buy those terrible drugstore hair removal kits and just do it myself at home... now that I can afford to head to a professional salon, the idea of going back to melting wax on the stove seems absolutely dreadful, but at the end of the day, both methods lead to the same result... it really shouldn't be a reason to stay single, just because you have to heat up some wax on your kitchen stove...

Let’s look at a specific detail, something almost trivial in the grand scheme of things. I have no desire to share a bed with anyone, yet by the time morning rolls around, I find myself possessing absolutely zero patience for another soul. So, how exactly am I supposed to navigate that? 😕

Oh, I completely empathize with that struggle... It’s a real issue for me too. I have this friend who’s been married for years, and she was honest enough to admit that it took her an absolute eternity to get used to sharing a bed with someone—you know, her husband. Between the constant tug-of-war over the blankets and the fact that you never truly have a moment of peace because you aren't even alone during your downtime... it's exhausting. And don't even get me started on how I look right before hitting the hay or the second I wake up. I can barely stand the sight of myself, so I can only imagine what another person sees 🙂

Chloe Nguyen3 said:... and then you go ahead and insult her like that. Even if she's a total mess, look, she’s a human being—maybe not a class act, sure, but she gave you what you wanted. Honestly, the way you're acting says a lot more about your own character than hers, and it really opens up a whole different set of issues.

Not every woman fits into a neat little box of being a lady or a slut. Some women hold themselves to high standards and won't sell themselves, sure. But for others, this is just their job—they pay their taxes just like anyone else, and I see it as a profession. Honestly, sometimes they even lean into those labels. It's complicated, right?