Who thrives most as a solo player?

granitefalcon26 said:We've actually covered this before.😉
They're just jealous because we're out living our best lives while they're stuck in the daily grind.😁
The truth is, since I'm married with a kid, my travel options are basically limited to watching Discovery Channel from my couch.🙄
My parents poured everything they had into my education and my future, and I'm incredibly grateful for that. But honestly, if we didn't have that family property on Maui, we wouldn't even be able to afford a summer vacation.
Nowadays, having kids feels like signing a massive 30-year mortgage. If you're lucky, you might squeeze in a week at a little resort by the Mediterranean Sea, and that's about it.

🤣 They certainly gave you a great education, though I wish they had focused a bit more on your manners too.

That guy went off to a few places just to prove he's the big shot. 🙄
Do you really think we're all broke? There are plenty of people out there making great money who still know how to enjoy life—they aren't spiritually bankrupt like some folks on this forum.

If I were as jealous as you and actually started listing everything I've accomplished and all the experiences I've had—with or without kids—you’d just crawl back into your hole and leave only your nose peeking out.

I have such a wonderful connection with my two amazing, grown children. They’re both independent and living on their own now, but we have this incredible relationship that truly enriches my life—honestly, it brings me more joy than a million dolphins, tropical beaches, or cheap thrills ever could.

Sure, we're all just jealous of you. Honestly, I can only feel sorry for you since you're acting like a thirteen-year-old despite claiming you're an adult. To you, a relationship clearly isn't what it's supposed to be.

driftingmaker said:🤣 They certainly gave you a great education, though I wish they had focused a bit more on your manners too.

That guy went off to a few places just to prove he's the big shot. 🙄
Do you really think we're all broke? There are plenty of people out there making great money who still know how to enjoy life—they aren't spiritually bankrupt like some folks on this forum.

If I were as jealous as you and actually started listing everything I've accomplished and all the experiences I've had—with or without kids—you’d just crawl back into your hole and leave only your nose peeking out.

I have such a wonderful connection with my two amazing, grown children. They’re both independent and living on their own now, but we have this incredible relationship that truly enriches my life—honestly, it brings me more joy than a million dolphins, tropical beaches, or cheap thrills ever could.

Sure, we're all just jealous of you. Honestly, I can only feel sorry for you since you're acting like a thirteen-year-old despite claiming you're an adult. To you, a relationship clearly isn't what it's supposed to be.

Now, let's play devil's advocate for a second.😂🤣
You have two kids. You haven't had much chance to travel. Everything you earned went straight toward them. Those are just the facts. 😁
And calling women names like that is just plain disgusting.🙄

granitefalcon26 said:Now, let's play devil's advocate for a second.😂🤣
You have two kids. You haven't had much chance to travel. Everything you earned went straight toward them. Those are just the facts. 😁
And calling women names like that is just plain disgusting.🙄

It's funny how you seem to know my life better than I do—where I could go, what I earned, and what I spent.

👋

driftingmaker said:🤣 They certainly gave you a great education, though I wish they had focused a bit more on your manners too.

That guy went off to a few places just to prove he's the big shot. 🙄
Do you really think we're all broke? There are plenty of people out there making great money who still know how to enjoy life—they aren't spiritually bankrupt like some folks on this forum.

If I were as jealous as you and actually started listing everything I've accomplished and all the experiences I've had—with or without kids—you’d just crawl back into your hole and leave only your nose peeking out.

I have such a wonderful connection with my two amazing, grown children. They’re both independent and living on their own now, but we have this incredible relationship that truly enriches my life—honestly, it brings me more joy than a million dolphins, tropical beaches, or cheap thrills ever could.

Sure, we're all just jealous of you. Honestly, I can only feel sorry for you since you're acting like a thirteen-year-old despite claiming you're an adult. To you, a relationship clearly isn't what it's supposed to be.

Well said (regarding the bolded part), regardless of who it was aimed at 😉... That sentence hits the nail on the head. It's impossible for designer clothes, travel, or material wealth to provide the same happiness as the people we love, like a partner or our children. Thinking otherwise is incredibly immature. I can respect someone choosing to stay single for their own reasons, but equating material things to human connection is like saying a dog is better than a child just because a dog is less work.
Shouldn't we have outgrown this mindset somewhere around age fourteen? 🤷 😕..

redcanyon93 said:I was catching up with a friend the other day, and they mentioned that quite a few people they know see me as someone who is much better off flying solo. To be perfectly honest, I find myself falling squarely into that same category as well.

What is your take on people like this? Is it simply a matter of finding comfort in one's own company, or does it stem from some sort of emotional incapacity? Are we all just becoming increasingly comfortable being alone... perhaps too much so?

Let me elaborate on why being alone is actually far less taxing for me than being in a relationship. When I am by myself, I don't feel the absence of anyone; I’m not waiting on anyone, nor am I constantly preoccupied with whether someone else is okay or if something has gone wrong in their life...

However, once I am with someone else, I become painfully aware of my own solitude, and that realization starts to weigh heavily on me—it's significantly harder to bear than when I am ACTUALLY ALONE. Every moment that person is absent begins to ache; every smile they offer to another woman feels like a sting, and every harsh word cuts deep... yet, when I am solo, I don't even get the impression that anything is missing at all. I can't tell if this is entirely sane, but the truth is I am genuinely HAPPIER alone than I am with someone... and apparently, that isn't supposed to be "normal," is it?

I won't lecture you on what's "normal," but let's be real: an adult shouldn't be nursing these kinds of feelings while in a relationship. It isn't healthy. To me, it just suggests that for whatever reason, you aren't actually capable of loving or being loved. Your "solo time" isn't a choice in that case—it's a necessity born out of failure, which means it has absolutely nothing to do with true happiness.

For instance, I was probably the happiest person on the planet when I finally walked away from a toxic relationship. I could finally breathe again. And then, later on, I met a man who makes me feel more at peace than anyone else ever has.

Look, I know how to be alone and actually enjoy my own company, but I also have a perfectly normal, healthy relationship where I don't feel like I'm drowning.

hiddenpanther5 said:Well said (regarding the bolded part), regardless of who it was aimed at 😉... That sentence hits the nail on the head. It's impossible for designer clothes, travel, or material wealth to provide the same happiness as the people we love, like a partner or our children. Thinking otherwise is incredibly immature. I can respect someone choosing to stay single for their own reasons, but equating material things to human connection is like saying a dog is better than a child just because a dog is less work.
Shouldn't we have outgrown this mindset somewhere around age fourteen? 🤷 😕..

Of course I can. ☕

hiddenpanther5 said:Well said (regarding the bolded part), regardless of who it was aimed at 😉... That sentence hits the nail on the head. It's impossible for designer clothes, travel, or material wealth to provide the same happiness as the people we love, like a partner or our children. Thinking otherwise is incredibly immature. I can respect someone choosing to stay single for their own reasons, but equating material things to human connection is like saying a dog is better than a child just because a dog is less work.
Shouldn't we have outgrown this mindset somewhere around age fourteen? 🤷 😕..

I've got two dogs at home. Honestly? I’d take them over being part of any social circle or community any day. A dog will never turn their back on you. Their love is just limitless—they'll never betray you.
Most people are just two-faced and crooked. (Shout out to the exceptions, though!) ☕

granitefalcon26 said:Of course I can. ☕

I've got two dogs at home. Honestly? I’d take them over being part of any social circle or community any day. A dog will never turn their back on you. Their love is just limitless—they'll never betray you.
Most people are just two-faced and crooked. (Shout out to the exceptions, though!) ☕

You're wrong, granitefalcon26. It's better to have dogs than to be in a bad community, sure, but that doesn't even begin to compare to being part of one harmonious community where you have partners, children (or even pets like dogs and cats if that's what you want). You can have it all, and there is absolutely nothing more beautiful in this life. Traveling with real people—with the people we actually love—is also incomparably better...

In other words, it's certainly better to be alone than to be stuck in a low-quality romantic relationship. But saying it's better to be alone simply because we've been burned, suffered, or hurt... well, that's a different story entirely.

I truly hope you find someone you can share your joys with—someone to travel with, dive with—but someone with whom you can give and love without fear or anxiety. There is no substitute for that feeling in this lifetime.

It’s hard to put much faith in people, let alone find the energy to actually love them.

Honestly, a dog or a cat usually makes for far better company.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with staying single. I suppose that technically puts me in the queer category, but whatever.

zeusxl said:How can you ever trust anyone? In a general sense, I mean. Especially when some condescending know-it-all—who just happens to be your colleague, no less—writes something like this: "Is that how you talk to your patients too? Or do you just pass out and start shaking because you forgot to take your daily pill?" ☕

I’m not going to get involved in a feud with a condescending egoist; that’s a mess for the two of you to sort out... if you even can.

Regarding people and the whole concept of trust... honestly, it is incredibly, painfully difficult. It’s especially hard if you’ve been burned before—and I don't mean just once. I’ll tell you what I know from my own life: thank God I finally met someone who actually had the patience to deal with me. Someone who survived my inner demons, kept his cool, and stayed right by my side despite everything. 😲 He stuck with me even after I practically drove him away because I was terrified. I was scared of commitment, scared of love, scared of actually giving anything to someone else. Honestly, Zeus, I have no idea what I did to deserve it, but I was given the chance to truly be myself and experience a healthy, positive relationship where nobody is trying to tear the other down or hold them back. In fact, we have both become better, more grounded people since we started this journey together.🙂

Andrew Doyle said:I’m not going to get involved in a feud with a condescending egoist; that’s a mess for the two of you to sort out... if you even can.

Regarding people and the whole concept of trust... honestly, it is incredibly, painfully difficult. It’s especially hard if you’ve been burned before—and I don't mean just once. I’ll tell you what I know from my own life: thank God I finally met someone who actually had the patience to deal with me. Someone who survived my inner demons, kept his cool, and stayed right by my side despite everything. 😲 He stuck with me even after I practically drove him away because I was terrified. I was scared of commitment, scared of love, scared of actually giving anything to someone else. Honestly, Zeus, I have no idea what I did to deserve it, but I was given the chance to truly be myself and experience a healthy, positive relationship where nobody is trying to tear the other down or hold them back. In fact, we have both become better, more grounded people since we started this journey together.🙂

This is beautiful. I truly hope it stays this way for you. 🙂

redcanyon93 said:I was catching up with a friend the other day, and they mentioned that quite a few people they know see me as someone who is much better off flying solo. To be perfectly honest, I find myself falling squarely into that same category as well.

What is your take on people like this? Is it simply a matter of finding comfort in one's own company, or does it stem from some sort of emotional incapacity? Are we all just becoming increasingly comfortable being alone... perhaps too much so?

Let me elaborate on why being alone is actually far less taxing for me than being in a relationship. When I am by myself, I don't feel the absence of anyone; I’m not waiting on anyone, nor am I constantly preoccupied with whether someone else is okay or if something has gone wrong in their life...

However, once I am with someone else, I become painfully aware of my own solitude, and that realization starts to weigh heavily on me—it's significantly harder to bear than when I am ACTUALLY ALONE. Every moment that person is absent begins to ache; every smile they offer to another woman feels like a sting, and every harsh word cuts deep... yet, when I am solo, I don't even get the impression that anything is missing at all. I can't tell if this is entirely sane, but the truth is I am genuinely HAPPIER alone than I am with someone... and apparently, that isn't supposed to be "normal," is it?

There are simply individuals who thrive best when they are flying solo. It isn't necessarily because they're nursing old wounds from a past heartbreak or perhaps fearing the sting of a future one; rather, some people are just wired to be solitary. Why? Because that is quite simply their nature.
Take my cousin, for instance. That man is a true lone wolf through and through, someone who was never meant for the crowd. Even though he’s as kind-hearted as they come and would lend a hand to anyone in need, social gatherings just don't sit right with him, so he spends nearly all his downtime on his own. He was married once, but eventually, he realized he needed space, and now he's living life on his own terms and feeling incredibly fulfilled... 😉 Even if he isn't out trekking through the Amazon rainforest or scuba diving with Great Whites 😁
The biggest mistake—and honestly, a bit of arrogance—is assuming that everyone requires exactly what we require, leading us to believe that those who choose solitude must be miserable... but why on earth would they be unhappy? 😕 The fact that many, or even most, people feel they can only find wholeness within a community is an entirely different conversation altogether... ☕

granitefalcon26 said:The truth is, 90% of these women do it because they’re broke and struggling to make ends meet. If they had any other options, they wouldn't be standing on a street corner near you. They wouldn't even give you a second glance. ☕

Exactly.
And what about love?? Does it even exist anymore? I don't think so... Love has just become some worn-out cliché. Living with someone just for the sake of interest without any actual love... it can't last long.
I see what's happening, I'm not blind. Every third marriage in America falls apart.
That's why I stay a Free Artist😁

David Green11 said:There are simply individuals who thrive best when they are flying solo. It isn't necessarily because they're nursing old wounds from a past heartbreak or perhaps fearing the sting of a future one; rather, some people are just wired to be solitary. Why? Because that is quite simply their nature.
Take my cousin, for instance. That man is a true lone wolf through and through, someone who was never meant for the crowd. Even though he’s as kind-hearted as they come and would lend a hand to anyone in need, social gatherings just don't sit right with him, so he spends nearly all his downtime on his own. He was married once, but eventually, he realized he needed space, and now he's living life on his own terms and feeling incredibly fulfilled... 😉 Even if he isn't out trekking through the Amazon rainforest or scuba diving with Great Whites 😁
The biggest mistake—and honestly, a bit of arrogance—is assuming that everyone requires exactly what we require, leading us to believe that those who choose solitude must be miserable... but why on earth would they be unhappy? 😕 The fact that many, or even most, people feel they can only find wholeness within a community is an entirely different conversation altogether... ☕

Spot on. 👍

granitefalcon26 said:The truth is, 90% of these women do it because they’re broke and struggling to make ends meet. If they had any other options, they wouldn't be standing on a street corner near you. They wouldn't even give you a second glance. ☕

Exactly.
But what about love?? Does it even exist anymore? I doubt it.. Love has just become some worn-out cliché.. Living with someone just for the money without any actual love... it can't last long...
I see what's happening, I'm not blind. Every third marriage in Germany falls apart.
That's why I'll stay a Freelance Artist😁

I was actually sitting here reflecting on why I’ve ended up flying solo—thinking it was just because of my own specific quirks and hang-ups. Then I read this...

Andrew Doyle said:I’m not going to get involved in a feud with a condescending egoist; that’s a mess for the two of you to sort out... if you even can.

Regarding people and the whole concept of trust... honestly, it is incredibly, painfully difficult. It’s especially hard if you’ve been burned before—and I don't mean just once. I’ll tell you what I know from my own life: thank God I finally met someone who actually had the patience to deal with me. Someone who survived my inner demons, kept his cool, and stayed right by my side despite everything. 😲 He stuck with me even after I practically drove him away because I was terrified. I was scared of commitment, scared of love, scared of actually giving anything to someone else. Honestly, Zeus, I have no idea what I did to deserve it, but I was given the chance to truly be myself and experience a healthy, positive relationship where nobody is trying to tear the other down or hold them back. In fact, we have both become better, more grounded people since we started this journey together.🙂

I was obsessing over this one girl for about six years. I didn't hide it, either. At first, it was pure love, but she rejected it. So, I spent a year hovering around her, just waiting, until I finally gave up. In the end, there was actually a chance for us to be together, but even then... she shut me down again. A few days after we finally had a moment where things could have happened, she just goes, "Come on, just give me your d*** already."
And I just said no. In my head, I was thinking: *No way.* I didn't want my two and a half years of devotion to be reduced to just "give me this."
That was the moment I hit a wall regarding what a healthy emotional relationship actually looks like. That was the moment I told her no.
I kept thinking about her for another four years after that. I stopped terrorizing her with my emotional outbursts and following her around.
Looking back, it was pretty toxic. During those first two years when I was actually seeing her, I tried to find someone else. But after six months of dating, we had this massive blowout fight. Why? Because she preferred hanging out with my group of friends rather than spending actual quality time with me. When I told her I wanted more one-on-one time, she just snapped at me: "Oh, so what about that other guy? You think I don't know? You think nobody knows?"

Am I better off alone? I honestly don't know. But even now, I can't tell if she's still stuck in my head (I don't think she is) or if I'm just terrified of history repeating itself. That kind of mental hell—thinking about someone day in and day out for years...
You can take everything away from a man, but if you take his peace of mind, you've effectively killed him.
That's why every relationship feels like garbage to me now. Even when I start developing feelings for someone, I end up regretting ever meeting them.

It was because of her that I actually developed empathy. Before that, I was a total animal. It's not like I'm a saint now, but back then, every single day spent near her was spent hyper-fixating on her emotional state. Why doesn't she want me? Who does she think she is? How do I get to her?

Good grief, zeusxl! You simply cannot draw a comparison between the love for a dog and the love for your own flesh and blood. A child is an extension of your very being—a literal piece of your soul and the ultimate manifestation of love between two people—and regardless of the circumstances, that bond remains absolute.

As for me, I am the type of person who thrives in solitude. That is when I function at my peak, and frankly, that is when I am at my happiest. I cherish my peace and quiet, and I have zero patience for people constantly lecturing me on why I "need" to be in a relationship. We aren't all wired the same way.
The bottom line: When I decide I want to get married, I’ll get married, start a family, and that will be the end of the discussion.

redcanyon93 said:I was catching up with a friend the other day, and they mentioned that quite a few people they know see me as someone who is much better off flying solo. To be perfectly honest, I find myself falling squarely into that same category as well.

What is your take on people like this? Is it simply a matter of finding comfort in one's own company, or does it stem from some sort of emotional incapacity? Are we all just becoming increasingly comfortable being alone... perhaps too much so?

Let me elaborate on why being alone is actually far less taxing for me than being in a relationship. When I am by myself, I don't feel the absence of anyone; I’m not waiting on anyone, nor am I constantly preoccupied with whether someone else is okay or if something has gone wrong in their life...

However, once I am with someone else, I become painfully aware of my own solitude, and that realization starts to weigh heavily on me—it's significantly harder to bear than when I am ACTUALLY ALONE. Every moment that person is absent begins to ache; every smile they offer to another woman feels like a sting, and every harsh word cuts deep... yet, when I am solo, I don't even get the impression that anything is missing at all. I can't tell if this is entirely sane, but the truth is I am genuinely HAPPIER alone than I am with someone... and apparently, that isn't supposed to be "normal," is it?

Personally, I think it's largely a matter of convenience rather than some deep-seated emotional deficiency.

Whenever I'm with someone, I somehow become painfully aware of my own loneliness, and it starts to hit me much harder than when I am ACTUALLY ALONE. Every time they aren't there, it hurts—seeing them smile at other women or hearing them say something harsh... whereas when I'm flying solo, I don't even feel like I'm missing anything. I don't know if that's normal, but honestly, I'm way HAPPIER alone than I am with someone... is that really not supposed to be normal?

In my view, there's nothing wrong with being happy and content on your own; in fact, being able to function independently is actually a huge plus.
We see plenty of examples where people rush into toxic relationships or surround themselves with the wrong crowd just because they're terrified of being by themselves.
That said, it becomes a real issue when someone can't find fulfillment in any relationship and ends up constantly longing for solitude instead.
Clearly, if that's happening, something is off in the dynamic—and more often than not, the issue lies within the individual.
If a relationship—whether it's a friendship or a romance—is truly fulfilling, you won't be sitting there pining for isolation or feeling trapped and anxious. It isn't always about failing to find "the right one"; sometimes, it’s simply that certain people haven't learned how to build healthy connections.

It's possible you've just built up a bit of a defensive shell, thinking that being in a relationship makes you too vulnerable, so staying solo feels like the easier path to avoid all those emotional hurdles.😕

Just some musings from a lone wolf:
Next year, I’m thinking about moving to Cleveland... though maybe I’ll head up to San Francisco or, looking at the map, Carmel-by-the-Sea seems like a pretty interesting spot.🙂
I’ve been part of someone else's upbringing from the ground up, and man, I realized how incredible it is to be woven into someone's life from their very first steps.
But you can't force a life like that, nor can you schedule it. I'm not the type of guy who wants to jump from one relationship to the next just for the hell of it.🙂

What am I actually sacrificing if I fall for some girl out in the countryside?
I lose my entire existence—this life I've spent years just barely patching together.
What does an MIT grad lose after ten years of study, living with his parents, and working some dead-end government job?
He loses nothing. He finished school, landed a "high-stakes" position, got married, and he’ll live basically the same life he would have lived single—the only difference shows up once the kids arrive.
She’s already settled in with his crowd, and he’s settled into hers.

So what’s my "lone wolf" difference?🙂
I have to walk away from "my" life. The only life I know, the one I built entirely on my own terms. It might be good, it might even be perfect, but it's miles away from anything else. To build a shared life, I’d have to abandon everything I recognize.
And that is what it means to be a solo act in life. I recently posted a thread about how miserable I am and how I just can't seem to find a partner, and Matthew Edwards2 replied to me, asking who would ever want to join me if it meant being dragged down with me.
But look, I need a partner I can integrate into my solo lifestyle, not someone who becomes my entire world. If I do that, I won't have to give up nearly as much.

I don't know how other soloists feel, but I’m betting they think along these same lines.

Andrew Doyle said:I’m not going to get involved in a feud with a condescending egoist; that’s a mess for the two of you to sort out... if you even can.

Regarding people and the whole concept of trust... honestly, it is incredibly, painfully difficult. It’s especially hard if you’ve been burned before—and I don't mean just once. I’ll tell you what I know from my own life: thank God I finally met someone who actually had the patience to deal with me. Someone who survived my inner demons, kept his cool, and stayed right by my side despite everything. 😲 He stuck with me even after I practically drove him away because I was terrified. I was scared of commitment, scared of love, scared of actually giving anything to someone else. Honestly, Zeus, I have no idea what I did to deserve it, but I was given the chance to truly be myself and experience a healthy, positive relationship where nobody is trying to tear the other down or hold them back. In fact, we have both become better, more grounded people since we started this journey together.🙂

I believe the whole concept of "deserving" something—that question of "I don't know why I deserved this"—shouldn't even be a topic of conversation in the first place. It shouldn't even be written down. Isn't it just a basic human instinct to strive for our own well-being? Or rather, isn't it common to try and strip away someone else's "right" to feel good?
The truth is, simply by existing, we have both the right and the responsibility to create circumstances that make us feel better. Of course we do.
There are all sorts of people out there, but if you maintain a certain "normal" way of behaving, many things stop being so unpredictable. Essentially, through our relationships, we build an environment for ourselves so that life doesn't hit us like a sudden slap in the face, purely because of the reality that certain types of people exist.
We help ourselves by adopting a lifestyle and a way of acting that creates a recognizable, acceptable atmosphere, which brings a sense of predictability... we are trying to paint our own "destiny" and future based on the information we possess.
Self-awareness and self-reflection. A perfectly natural occurrence.
Every previous "burn"—regardless of whether it was necessary or not—simply results in more experience. That experience teaches us what actions we must avoid to prevent worsening our own state or situation.
How to extract positive truths for one's own benefit? Well, everyone must decide that for themselves.