Not wanting kids: Is it just me?

Here’s a perfect example of what a "spiritually enlightened" and "totally evolved" woman looks like...http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worl...band-away.html

Sandra Morgan2 said:A friend once told me straight up: she didn't want kids. She said she couldn't even wrap her head around the idea, let alone the terrifying thought of someone growing inside her and stripping away all her freedom forever. Fast forward three months—she’s pregnant. The second she saw that positive result on the test, she transformed into a mother. Seriously, she’s one of the most nurturing moms I’ve ever met. It seems like those maternal instincts don't really kick in until you actually hold that baby for the first time... Before that, "motherhood" is often just this abstract concept we're told we need because it's what society expects from us.

Look, deciding whether or not to have children is entirely your call. If you don't want them, that is perfectly okay! Stick to your gut rather than bowing to social pressure. But, if you do find yourself pregnant, there's a huge chance your whole perspective will shift, and suddenly you won't be able to imagine life without that little bundle of joy...

I’ve read through almost this entire thread and I agree most with this post, especially the bolded part.

I'm 27, been married for three and a half years, and honestly, I haven't given much serious thought to kids until now—even though I always knew I wanted them eventually. I just wasn't ready, for a million different reasons... long story. And I was never one of those people who has to squeeze every baby they see; I'm just not built that way. But I always knew I’d want my own child someday, and I knew I'd love them for the right reasons—not to please others, but for myself and my own internal needs. I just hadn't felt ready yet...

As for those comments and questions that come out of nowhere—they're awkward and frankly rude,

And even now, I'm not 100% ready—though maybe you're never truly 100% ready—but I'm facing the reality that if I keep delaying, I might not be able to later on due to hypothyroidism, diabetes, PCOS, and HPV. All those medical factors basically acted as an accelerator for my decision to finally start trying soon.

Sure, I'm a little scared about how it'll all turn out, and I know having a kid is a massive responsibility, but seeing how many people less capable than me manage it gives me hope that I will too.

I think a lot of women have kids just because it's expected—because it's a reason to get married, an excuse to stay home, or a way to avoid facing the real world and competing in the workforce. For some, motherhood is a catch-all justification for everything, primarily their own inability to handle life.
Because of that, they elevate that stage of life above everything else—which makes sense, really, because if that "noble act" isn't viewed as being that high, then their whole sense of worth is threatened...
I used to exhaust myself trying to justify things to people like that—just trying to explain myself, because apparently, if they set the rules of the game, you're supposed to defend your moves. But thank God I've moved past that. I know I don't owe anyone an explanation, and I'll have kids when I want them, if I want them, and when I'm ready—and that's strictly between me and my partner, nobody else!

The older I get, the more certain I am that it's a good thing I didn't have a child sooner; I'm only just becoming a complete enough person to actually be a decent parent.

Jacob Long said:I’ve read through almost this entire thread and I agree most with this post, especially the bolded part.

I'm 27, been married for three and a half years, and honestly, I haven't given much serious thought to kids until now—even though I always knew I wanted them eventually. I just wasn't ready, for a million different reasons... long story. And I was never one of those people who has to squeeze every baby they see; I'm just not built that way. But I always knew I’d want my own child someday, and I knew I'd love them for the right reasons—not to please others, but for myself and my own internal needs. I just hadn't felt ready yet...

As for those comments and questions that come out of nowhere—they're awkward and frankly rude,

And even now, I'm not 100% ready—though maybe you're never truly 100% ready—but I'm facing the reality that if I keep delaying, I might not be able to later on due to hypothyroidism, diabetes, PCOS, and HPV. All those medical factors basically acted as an accelerator for my decision to finally start trying soon.

Sure, I'm a little scared about how it'll all turn out, and I know having a kid is a massive responsibility, but seeing how many people less capable than me manage it gives me hope that I will too.

I think a lot of women have kids just because it's expected—because it's a reason to get married, an excuse to stay home, or a way to avoid facing the real world and competing in the workforce. For some, motherhood is a catch-all justification for everything, primarily their own inability to handle life.
Because of that, they elevate that stage of life above everything else—which makes sense, really, because if that "noble act" isn't viewed as being that high, then their whole sense of worth is threatened...
I used to exhaust myself trying to justify things to people like that—just trying to explain myself, because apparently, if they set the rules of the game, you're supposed to defend your moves. But thank God I've moved past that. I know I don't owe anyone an explanation, and I'll have kids when I want them, if I want them, and when I'm ready—and that's strictly between me and my partner, nobody else!

The older I get, the more certain I am that it's a good thing I didn't have a child sooner; I'm only just becoming a complete enough person to actually be a decent parent.

Amen. Honestly, more women ought to approach it this way. At the end of the day, it isn't just about whether you have a child or the specific timing of it all—it's about whether you actually have the capacity to raise them properly.

Jacob Long said:I’ve read through almost this entire thread and I agree most with this post, especially the bolded part.

I'm 27, been married for three and a half years, and honestly, I haven't given much serious thought to kids until now—even though I always knew I wanted them eventually. I just wasn't ready, for a million different reasons... long story. And I was never one of those people who has to squeeze every baby they see; I'm just not built that way. But I always knew I’d want my own child someday, and I knew I'd love them for the right reasons—not to please others, but for myself and my own internal needs. I just hadn't felt ready yet...

As for those comments and questions that come out of nowhere—they're awkward and frankly rude,

And even now, I'm not 100% ready—though maybe you're never truly 100% ready—but I'm facing the reality that if I keep delaying, I might not be able to later on due to hypothyroidism, diabetes, PCOS, and HPV. All those medical factors basically acted as an accelerator for my decision to finally start trying soon.

Sure, I'm a little scared about how it'll all turn out, and I know having a kid is a massive responsibility, but seeing how many people less capable than me manage it gives me hope that I will too.

I think a lot of women have kids just because it's expected—because it's a reason to get married, an excuse to stay home, or a way to avoid facing the real world and competing in the workforce. For some, motherhood is a catch-all justification for everything, primarily their own inability to handle life.
Because of that, they elevate that stage of life above everything else—which makes sense, really, because if that "noble act" isn't viewed as being that high, then their whole sense of worth is threatened...
I used to exhaust myself trying to justify things to people like that—just trying to explain myself, because apparently, if they set the rules of the game, you're supposed to defend your moves. But thank God I've moved past that. I know I don't owe anyone an explanation, and I'll have kids when I want them, if I want them, and when I'm ready—and that's strictly between me and my partner, nobody else!

The older I get, the more certain I am that it's a good thing I didn't have a child sooner; I'm only just becoming a complete enough person to actually be a decent parent.

This is an excellent post, and I wish you nothing but the best of health; as for everything else, you clearly possess enough intellect to handle whatever comes your way.👍

Angela Newman33 said:What usually gets under my skin the most isn't even about the lack of kids—it’s the women who seem perpetually frustrated and miserable... just constantly taking it out on their families. They walk around every single day with this martyr complex written all over their faces... acting like they’re "sacrificing" everything for their children... carrying themselves like being a selfless parent is the most noble thing a human can achieve in the world.
And then, of course, they go around preaching that having babies is the ultimate dream, the meaning of life, blah blah blah...

But if you look past the act, it feels like there's this subconscious envy toward people who don't have to carry that specific "burden"... toward those who actually have the freedom to choose their own path... toward the people who are brave enough to admit that this "sacred mission" of motherhood doesn't actually appeal to them at all.

It’s like they’ve made it their life's work to churn out as many clones as possible... kids who end up just as overwhelmed and restricted... just as frustrated and fed up with life as they are.

It’s weird, honestly... in my experience, the people with the most kids often turn out to be the worst parents. They pop out a whole crowd and then spend every day rubbing it in their faces how much they suffer for them... as if the kids actually asked to be "carried on their backs." To me, that seems way more selfish than the decision to stay childless simply because you don't feel the need or desire to have them.

Someone who has kids just to satisfy their own ego definitely isn't doing it out of selflessness.

I’d bet anything that a good parent is someone who is already happy, fulfilled, and whole on their own... rather than someone searching for that outside of themselves and expecting their children to make them happy or complete them.

At the end of the day, someone who didn't plan on having kids (if one happens unexpectedly) can be just as great a parent as someone who planned every step... it really just comes down to attitude and accepting whatever life throws at you.

People who have kids just because they think they "should," because society expects it, because they think it'll make them happy, because they’re afraid of being lonely one day, or just because babies are cute... I honestly think they're doing it for all the wrong reasons.

I’ve been feeling that more and more lately myself. It’s envy, plain and simple, just wrapped up in a layer of good intentions. "I'm telling you this for your own good," yeah, sure. 🙄

The thing is, there isn't even a logical basis for that resentment. It’s completely irrational.

It’s as if they imagine those of us without children are living in a state of constant euphoria and total carefree bliss—that's how they perceive our lives.
If only it were that easy. 😢

I honestly don't think it's just about jealousy; I think it’s more about the fact that some people simply march to the beat of their own drum. People tend to get uncomfortable when someone stands out, and they use these kinds of nasty comments as a way to try and force everyone back into a "normal" mold.
But honestly, while reading through this thread and seeing how everyone is reacting, there is one thing that keeps bothering me.
If a woman decides she doesn't want kids—that is her business, plain and simple. It’s totally understandable if she deals with pressure from her neighbors or family, because they're going to have opinions. She should be the one making the call on when, or even if, she wants to start a family.
What I can't wrap my head around, though, is this intense hatred toward children and the sheer aggression in these posts. Telling someone you'd rather they gave birth to a kitten than their own child is just way over the line, yet everyone else seems to jump right in to agree and joke about how cute kittens are.
That aggressive, old-school, "traditionalist" attitude really rubs me the wrong way. If our mothers and grandmothers had thought that way, we wouldn't even be here today! Women actually have the power to make decisions about their own bodies now. In the past, fathers would basically marry them off, send them away to some distant town, and leave them to have twelve kids with whoever was chosen for them—half of whom probably wouldn't even survive. No one ever stopped to ask what SHE wanted or if she even felt like being a mother.
So, please, just be grateful that we live in such a liberal era where you actually have the right to shape your own life, and let's stop talking nonsense about kittens and acting like children are the enemy.

feralcobra92 said:I honestly don't think it's just about jealousy; I think it’s more about the fact that some people simply march to the beat of their own drum. People tend to get uncomfortable when someone stands out, and they use these kinds of nasty comments as a way to try and force everyone back into a "normal" mold.
But honestly, while reading through this thread and seeing how everyone is reacting, there is one thing that keeps bothering me.
If a woman decides she doesn't want kids—that is her business, plain and simple. It’s totally understandable if she deals with pressure from her neighbors or family, because they're going to have opinions. She should be the one making the call on when, or even if, she wants to start a family.
What I can't wrap my head around, though, is this intense hatred toward children and the sheer aggression in these posts. Telling someone you'd rather they gave birth to a kitten than their own child is just way over the line, yet everyone else seems to jump right in to agree and joke about how cute kittens are.
That aggressive, old-school, "traditionalist" attitude really rubs me the wrong way. If our mothers and grandmothers had thought that way, we wouldn't even be here today! Women actually have the power to make decisions about their own bodies now. In the past, fathers would basically marry them off, send them away to some distant town, and leave them to have twelve kids with whoever was chosen for them—half of whom probably wouldn't even survive. No one ever stopped to ask what SHE wanted or if she even felt like being a mother.
So, please, just be grateful that we live in such a liberal era where you actually have the right to shape your own life, and let's stop talking nonsense about kittens and acting like children are the enemy.

Maybe I didn't phrase things perfectly in my previous posts, but when I say I don't like having kids around me, it's more specific than that. When I'm dealing with screaming, unruly kids nearby, my first instinct isn't actually toward the children—it's an immediate aversion to the parents who think that behavior is totally acceptable. You might argue, "Well, you were a kid once too!" But newsflash: I wasn't. I was the polar opposite of kids today. Even back then, compared to other kids, I was quiet and reserved. My mother would never, ever have allowed me to cause a scene, make a mess, or disrupt anyone else's peace. I was a very well-behaved child. That's why I compare kids to pets sometimes, and why I've decided I'd much rather have animals by my side. And about that mention of the "good old days" and how our grandmothers raised us with love? Look, if by some miracle I ever do have a child, I will love them more than anything in this world and live for them. But that also means—let's be real—schooling, stress, heartbreak, sleepless nights, constant sacrifices, getting sick, and just dealing with all the chaos of life. That's a huge part of my decision. I don't want to live a second life that I can't call my own. Call me selfish if you want, but I want a life lived on my terms. I want control over my own destiny.

feralcobra92 said:I honestly don't think it's just about jealousy; I think it’s more about the fact that some people simply march to the beat of their own drum. People tend to get uncomfortable when someone stands out, and they use these kinds of nasty comments as a way to try and force everyone back into a "normal" mold.
But honestly, while reading through this thread and seeing how everyone is reacting, there is one thing that keeps bothering me.
If a woman decides she doesn't want kids—that is her business, plain and simple. It’s totally understandable if she deals with pressure from her neighbors or family, because they're going to have opinions. She should be the one making the call on when, or even if, she wants to start a family.
What I can't wrap my head around, though, is this intense hatred toward children and the sheer aggression in these posts. Telling someone you'd rather they gave birth to a kitten than their own child is just way over the line, yet everyone else seems to jump right in to agree and joke about how cute kittens are.
That aggressive, old-school, "traditionalist" attitude really rubs me the wrong way. If our mothers and grandmothers had thought that way, we wouldn't even be here today! Women actually have the power to make decisions about their own bodies now. In the past, fathers would basically marry them off, send them away to some distant town, and leave them to have twelve kids with whoever was chosen for them—half of whom probably wouldn't even survive. No one ever stopped to ask what SHE wanted or if she even felt like being a mother.
So, please, just be grateful that we live in such a liberal era where you actually have the right to shape your own life, and let's stop talking nonsense about kittens and acting like children are the enemy.

It was just a joke. And if memory serves, the person who wrote the joke is actually a mother. A real one, I assume. 😁

feralcobra92 said:I honestly don't think it's just about jealousy; I think it’s more about the fact that some people simply march to the beat of their own drum. People tend to get uncomfortable when someone stands out, and they use these kinds of nasty comments as a way to try and force everyone back into a "normal" mold.
But honestly, while reading through this thread and seeing how everyone is reacting, there is one thing that keeps bothering me.
If a woman decides she doesn't want kids—that is her business, plain and simple. It’s totally understandable if she deals with pressure from her neighbors or family, because they're going to have opinions. She should be the one making the call on when, or even if, she wants to start a family.
What I can't wrap my head around, though, is this intense hatred toward children and the sheer aggression in these posts. Telling someone you'd rather they gave birth to a kitten than their own child is just way over the line, yet everyone else seems to jump right in to agree and joke about how cute kittens are.
That aggressive, old-school, "traditionalist" attitude really rubs me the wrong way. If our mothers and grandmothers had thought that way, we wouldn't even be here today! Women actually have the power to make decisions about their own bodies now. In the past, fathers would basically marry them off, send them away to some distant town, and leave them to have twelve kids with whoever was chosen for them—half of whom probably wouldn't even survive. No one ever stopped to ask what SHE wanted or if she even felt like being a mother.
So, please, just be grateful that we live in such a liberal era where you actually have the right to shape your own life, and let's stop talking nonsense about kittens and acting like children are the enemy.

Oh, great. I should probably be extra grateful that I even get to have a choice in the matter. 🙄🙄
Who exactly am I supposed to thank for that?☕
And honestly, your post didn't exactly scream "voice of reason," even if it's clear you were trying to make a point.☕

feralcobra92 said:I honestly don't think it's just about jealousy; I think it’s more about the fact that some people simply march to the beat of their own drum. People tend to get uncomfortable when someone stands out, and they use these kinds of nasty comments as a way to try and force everyone back into a "normal" mold.
But honestly, while reading through this thread and seeing how everyone is reacting, there is one thing that keeps bothering me.
If a woman decides she doesn't want kids—that is her business, plain and simple. It’s totally understandable if she deals with pressure from her neighbors or family, because they're going to have opinions. She should be the one making the call on when, or even if, she wants to start a family.
What I can't wrap my head around, though, is this intense hatred toward children and the sheer aggression in these posts. Telling someone you'd rather they gave birth to a kitten than their own child is just way over the line, yet everyone else seems to jump right in to agree and joke about how cute kittens are.
That aggressive, old-school, "traditionalist" attitude really rubs me the wrong way. If our mothers and grandmothers had thought that way, we wouldn't even be here today! Women actually have the power to make decisions about their own bodies now. In the past, fathers would basically marry them off, send them away to some distant town, and leave them to have twelve kids with whoever was chosen for them—half of whom probably wouldn't even survive. No one ever stopped to ask what SHE wanted or if she even felt like being a mother.
So, please, just be grateful that we live in such a liberal era where you actually have the right to shape your own life, and let's stop talking nonsense about kittens and acting like children are the enemy.

Good grief, who actually hates children, for heaven's sake?
I just never felt the urge to have them myself.

It’s not quite that, though; you really shouldn't compare a child with a cat in this context. It’s just that some people seem unable to grasp that it's all a matter of perspective. Perhaps it isn't that we harbor any particular resentment toward children, but rather that they simply have no appreciation for cats.

If you know what I mean.

I've never been much of a fan of kids.

shadowtrucker18 said:It’s not quite that, though; you really shouldn't compare a child with a cat in this context. It’s just that some people seem unable to grasp that it's all a matter of perspective. Perhaps it isn't that we harbor any particular resentment toward children, but rather that they simply have no appreciation for cats.

If you know what I mean.

Exactly.

It just occurred to me that people who own dogs or cats have never once cornered me to ask when I'm getting one, nor have they ever accused me of hating animals just because I don't own them—or want to. Not once. 🤷

The reason I don't want them is simple: as I mentioned before, they demand constant maintenance and attention, much like having a child (except you get one pet per "child"). Feeding, training, vet visits, toys, supplies, expenses, expenses, expenses... does that sound familiar? 🙂

Who exactly am I supposed to be thanking?
Just be grateful for the era we actually live in! Honestly, I’ve spent so much time listening to stories about what life was like for women even fifty or sixty years ago, and it sounds like a complete nightmare of restricted freedom. It was financial, social—everything was just closed off. No one ever bothered to ask a young woman if she actually *wanted* to get married or if she’d rather finish her degree and start a career instead. Her path was already decided for her. You knew exactly what was coming: marriage, a house full of kids, grueling physical labor like hauling water from a well or scrubbing laundry by hand, dealing with illnesses, losing children to diseases, and being completely financially dependent on a husband who acted like the absolute boss of the household...
A woman had zero say in any of it, unless she just played the part and did exactly what she was expected to do.
But today, women go to college just like men do, and we get to call the shots on everything—what we do, where we go, whether we want to work at all, if we even want to marry, if we want a partner, or if we want to have kids. It is such a massive shift in just a few decades, and I truly believe we women should be thrilled with how much things have changed in our favor. Who cares if the neighbor or your mother-in-law gives you a little wink or asks for updates every single time they see you? The decision is entirely yours, and honestly, that is just wonderful.

Well, I suppose there’s some relevance to that. It would be quite much like me bothering you every five minutes just to ask if you've decided on getting a cat yet, I guess.

Hehe! So, I have two cats, and people always seem to jump down my throat asking when I’m finally going to get rid of them. Honestly, I haven't had anyone even bother to ask me that before—and believe me, I was already a mother by the time I was 27! Maybe I just come across as too playful or carefree for some people. But truthfully, I really couldn't care less what the majority of my neighbors or any other unimportant people in my life think about my choices. The people who actually matter to me deserve an explanation and a real conversation, while everyone else just gets a blank stare and some vague, noncommittal answers.

So, I was wondering, does it actually get under your skin when people start asking when you're finally going to get rid of them? I suppose most people find that kind of questioning a bit grating, and let's be honest, not everyone possesses the level of Zen-like patience required to remain completely unfazed by it.

Honestly, it doesn't even get under my skin! When I was walking home from work carrying this absolutely precious, tiny abandoned kitten, I definitely caught a few judgmental stares along the way. People actually had the nerve to ask me if I kept him outside, acting like dogs belong on leashes while cats are supposed to just roam the neighborhood. I just told them straight up that my first cat sleeps right in my bed with me. Then they, poor things, tried to claim that having a cat in bed is somehow better than having a dog in an apartment. But once they found out I have a dog living in the house too, they completely shut up! Only one brave lady cleaning nearby chimed in to say she’d sweep all that mess away with her foot in a heartbeat. It doesn't bother me or make me angry at all; honestly, they're kind of sweet. They actually care about me and are just worried that cat hair might "settle in my lungs." 🤣
It's the exact same deal when it comes to kids. I don't have any little ones because I don't have the cash, or maybe I just can't have them, or perhaps it's just not my time yet, or I haven't figured out if I even want them...

Maybe I’m just incredibly chill and totally unshakeable? 😉

Perhaps. ☕