Not wanting kids: Is it just me?

cosmicowl50 said:😲,
I actually feel bad for people whose entire purpose in life is just reproducing. 😢
That's more of an animal instinct thing, but I thought humans were supposed to be at a slightly higher stage of evolution. Clearly, there are still plenty of primitives out there (sorry for grouping your mom in with them, but hey, facts are facts)

signature☕
The only people who have never tried to push my non-existent feelings about kids on me are my mom, dad, sister, and boyfriend. To be fair, that goes for him too; thank God we actually see eye to eye on this.

James Sanchez15 said:I don't know... I'm 24, and ever since I started "growing up"—which basically means being hit with all these thoughts about starting a family and having kids one day—I feel like I’ll just end up having them because it's "natural." Like, society expects it from me subconsciously, and I guess I'll just subconsciously accept that too... but honestly? The idea of having my own child actually scares me. I don't even know why. And when I see a baby, I don't feel any urge to have one myself. I actually feel a much stronger urge when I see a kitten! I'm being completely serious here.

😂😂😂
That’s actually a legitimate reason to have kids. Sorry, I can't help but laugh.😂

You mentioned you wanted kids for those exact reasons—the environment, avoiding all that unnecessary noise from people who don't matter—and said it was just a natural instinct. I’m not entirely sure if I misinterpreted what you were getting at here.☕

I’ll be the first to admit that I was never one of those people who would just faint on the sidewalk because they saw an adorable baby in a stroller, and honestly, I never understood the whole obsession with those overly sugary outfits and giant hair bows. To be perfectly blunt, other people's kids used to get on my last nerve, and sometimes I'd even think they were just plain unattractive! I could never quite bring myself to "get on their level."
But now, everything has changed because I have these two little kiddos who I absolutely adore, and I truly cannot imagine my life without them. Sure, they can be total handfuls and incredibly mischievous sometimes, but they are genuinely the center of my universe. For instance, today they are still caught up in the magic of Saint Nicholas, and while they are busy enjoying their presents, I am having the absolute time of my life shopping, hiding gifts at the neighbor's house, and sneaking around the house with all my shopping bags. My youngest still totally believes in the magic, whereas the older one has definitely figured out the secret, though he's more than happy to play along anyway. There is just something so incredibly moving about that pure childhood innocence, and the love they give is completely unconditional—just like the love I have for them.
So, listen, ladies, if you are certain that you don't want children, then please, just don't have them. There are already far too many terrible parents and unhappy children out there in the world as it is. But please understand that just because you find other kids annoying or even repulsive doesn't mean you won't end up completely head-over-heels in love with your own children.

feralcobra92 said:I’ll be the first to admit that I was never one of those people who would just faint on the sidewalk because they saw an adorable baby in a stroller, and honestly, I never understood the whole obsession with those overly sugary outfits and giant hair bows. To be perfectly blunt, other people's kids used to get on my last nerve, and sometimes I'd even think they were just plain unattractive! I could never quite bring myself to "get on their level."
But now, everything has changed because I have these two little kiddos who I absolutely adore, and I truly cannot imagine my life without them. Sure, they can be total handfuls and incredibly mischievous sometimes, but they are genuinely the center of my universe. For instance, today they are still caught up in the magic of Saint Nicholas, and while they are busy enjoying their presents, I am having the absolute time of my life shopping, hiding gifts at the neighbor's house, and sneaking around the house with all my shopping bags. My youngest still totally believes in the magic, whereas the older one has definitely figured out the secret, though he's more than happy to play along anyway. There is just something so incredibly moving about that pure childhood innocence, and the love they give is completely unconditional—just like the love I have for them.
So, listen, ladies, if you are certain that you don't want children, then please, just don't have them. There are already far too many terrible parents and unhappy children out there in the world as it is. But please understand that just because you find other kids annoying or even repulsive doesn't mean you won't end up completely head-over-heels in love with your own children.

It could easily work the other way around, too. Personally, I have a huge soft spot for children, but I have zero desire to have my own.

Honestly, I just don't get it. I really don't! If someone genuinely loves kids but decides they don't want their own, there might be some deeper stuff going on there, like maybe they're terrified of repeating the same parenting mistakes their own parents made. In my opinion, everyone needs to pick their own perfect timing and decide for themselves if they even want kids at all. When I was in my early twenties, I was incredibly immature and didn't have the slightest desire to be a parent yet. But once I finished college and finally grew up a bit, I felt that pull toward having children, so I went ahead and had two of them right away, and I haven't regretted it for a single second! They are truly the most important little people in my life, and I just love hanging out with them, chatting, even bickering, and doing all sorts of fun activities together.
I'm guessing it can be super frustrating when people around you start making those annoying comments like, "So, when are you guys having kids?" or "Time is flying by, you know..." and all that nonsense.
You really shouldn't let that kind of pressure dictate whether or not you have children. What matters is being ready enough to take that leap when the time feels right. Babies are such miraculous little creatures that they just force you to love them, to play with them, and to care for them deeply. That instinct just kicks in naturally. And us moms? We absolutely lose our minds with love the moment we hold them, and honestly, we never want to let them go. Nature really knew what it was doing when it designed us this way, and it’s a beautiful thing.

Gerald Scott4 said:I’m 28 years old and I’ve just never had any desire to have kids. Honestly, I’m completely indifferent to the whole idea🤷
I don't see myself ever becoming a parent☕

And for what it's worth... I'm 33.

James Sanchez15 said:I don't know... I'm 24, and ever since I started "growing up"—which basically means being hit with all these thoughts about starting a family and having kids one day—I feel like I’ll just end up having them because it's "natural." Like, society expects it from me subconsciously, and I guess I'll just subconsciously accept that too... but honestly? The idea of having my own child actually scares me. I don't even know why. And when I see a baby, I don't feel any urge to have one myself. I actually feel a much stronger urge when I see a kitten! I'm being completely serious here.

Look, please, for the sake of at least three future kids, just have a baby already.😂

feralcobra92 said:Honestly, I just don't get it. I really don't! If someone genuinely loves kids but decides they don't want their own, there might be some deeper stuff going on there, like maybe they're terrified of repeating the same parenting mistakes their own parents made. In my opinion, everyone needs to pick their own perfect timing and decide for themselves if they even want kids at all. When I was in my early twenties, I was incredibly immature and didn't have the slightest desire to be a parent yet. But once I finished college and finally grew up a bit, I felt that pull toward having children, so I went ahead and had two of them right away, and I haven't regretted it for a single second! They are truly the most important little people in my life, and I just love hanging out with them, chatting, even bickering, and doing all sorts of fun activities together.
I'm guessing it can be super frustrating when people around you start making those annoying comments like, "So, when are you guys having kids?" or "Time is flying by, you know..." and all that nonsense.
You really shouldn't let that kind of pressure dictate whether or not you have children. What matters is being ready enough to take that leap when the time feels right. Babies are such miraculous little creatures that they just force you to love them, to play with them, and to care for them deeply. That instinct just kicks in naturally. And us moms? We absolutely lose our minds with love the moment we hold them, and honestly, we never want to let them go. Nature really knew what it was doing when it designed us this way, and it’s a beautiful thing.

It’s like this: while everyone else was busy enjoying their college years and messing around, I was pulling shifts seven days a week while grinding through my degrees.
I started with my Associate's, moved on to my Bachelor's, and eventually earned my Master's.
Somewhere after finishing my graduate studies, I hit a wall—total burnout from the relentless cycle of work and responsibility.
To put it bluntly, I developed a massive aversion to any kind of obligation whatsoever.
Back then, even the idea of committing to social plans on a Wednesday for something happening on Saturday felt like an exhausting burden.
Since I decided to pursue my PhD about five years later—mostly out of a stubborn desire to keep learning and trying to secure a better position at work—that acute burnout turned into a chronic state. Now, finally, I am making a conscious effort to reclaim time just for myself.
While others were out living it up, I was working 10-to-12-hour days and then sitting down to study.
Well, now? I’m spending that hard-earned time on me. And I’m loving every second of it.

amberfox4 said:A quick question for the moderators: I am somewhat perplexed as to why this specific thread was relocated to the Psychology section rather than remaining in the Women’s Corner. Given that we are discussing anorexia and bulimia—which are clinically recognized psychological disorders—it seems counterintuitive to have them relegated to a general lifestyle forum. Wouldn't it be more logical to reverse the current placement?
Please understand, I truly mean no offense by this; there is absolutely no shame in struggling with mental health issues, but if a disorder is medically classified as such and carries a risk severe enough to be life-threatening, then it belongs here in the clinical discussion area.
On the other hand, discussions regarding the desire—or lack thereof—for children, or debating when a woman might decide to start a family, feels much more suited to the Women’s Corner. It seems a bit jarring to have those topics bundled together here alongside heavy subjects like suicide, panic disorders, and borderline personality disorder. Furthermore, I suspect this might be why participation in these threads remains relatively low; the Psychology subforum tends to attract individuals specifically interested in psychological study and clinical matters, whereas the demographic most likely to engage with reproductive and lifestyle topics is concentrated in the Women’s Corner.

I find myself agreeing with this.

If we want to talk about anorexia, let’s keep it here!

As for the other stuff, please just move it down to the Women's section.

Gerald Scott4 said:I'm not totally sure about the guys, but I bet there's some loophole for them too.
Anyway, I'm with you on everything you said.👍

I suppose it’s possible for men to undergo sterilization after they hit thirty-five or somewhere around that age, too. Before that point, I guess it isn't really an option.

James Sanchez15 said:I don't know... I'm 24, and ever since I started "growing up"—which basically means being hit with all these thoughts about starting a family and having kids one day—I feel like I’ll just end up having them because it's "natural." Like, society expects it from me subconsciously, and I guess I'll just subconsciously accept that too... but honestly? The idea of having my own child actually scares me. I don't even know why. And when I see a baby, I don't feel any urge to have one myself. I actually feel a much stronger urge when I see a kitten! I'm being completely serious here.

Kittens are just too cute. 🙂

Might sound stupid, but sometimes I feel like I wouldn't even be disappointed if I gave birth to a kitten instead of a human...

Susan James42 said:It’s like this: while everyone else was busy enjoying their college years and messing around, I was pulling shifts seven days a week while grinding through my degrees.
I started with my Associate's, moved on to my Bachelor's, and eventually earned my Master's.
Somewhere after finishing my graduate studies, I hit a wall—total burnout from the relentless cycle of work and responsibility.
To put it bluntly, I developed a massive aversion to any kind of obligation whatsoever.
Back then, even the idea of committing to social plans on a Wednesday for something happening on Saturday felt like an exhausting burden.
Since I decided to pursue my PhD about five years later—mostly out of a stubborn desire to keep learning and trying to secure a better position at work—that acute burnout turned into a chronic state. Now, finally, I am making a conscious effort to reclaim time just for myself.
While others were out living it up, I was working 10-to-12-hour days and then sitting down to study.
Well, now? I’m spending that hard-earned time on me. And I’m loving every second of it.

And you have every right to do so.👍

crimsongull20 said:Kittens are just too cute. 🙂

Might sound stupid, but sometimes I feel like I wouldn't even be disappointed if I gave birth to a kitten instead of a human...

but you’d still be at least a little surprised, wouldn't you?😉

Look, here’s my reality: while everyone else was busy partying through college, I was grinding through shifts seven days a week and somehow managing to finish my degree on top of it all.
I knocked out my associate's, then my bachelor's, and eventually my master's.
But honestly, right after I grabbed that master's degree, I hit a wall hard—it was total burnout from juggling work and school.
Basically, I developed this massive, deep-seated hatred for any kind of obligation whatsoever.
I couldn't even bear the thought of making plans on a Wednesday for a night out on Saturday because just committing to something felt like such an exhausting burden.
Since I decided to go back for more specialized training about five years later—mostly just because of this silly urge to keep learning and trying to set myself up for a promotion—that acute burnout turned into a chronic thing, and now, finally, I am craving nothing but time for myself.
While other people were out living it up, I was pulling 10-to-12-hour shifts and then heading straight to the library to study.
Well, guess what? Now I'm finally spending that time on me, and I am loving every single second of it.

So, that definitely explains things, but it doesn't actually have much to do with your desire to have kids; it's really just about being completely wiped out. Just give yourself some space, get some rest, and then make your decision. It would be such a shame if you hit 40 and realized you actually wanted children, but you were simply too exhausted to make it happen.

I’m posting this in good faith, and I’m new here, but I can hardly believe what I’m reading. Think about it: why don't you want that child? Is it because, deep down, you’re still just emotionally stunted little girls who think life is about receiving attention rather than giving it? Where does all this coldness come from, hidden behind such ridiculous rhetoric?
I agree that everyone has a right to choose, and I support that. But spiritually immature women—those who will always remain small and needy—should be denied sterilization.
Otherwise, if you do have a child, they will turn out exactly like you: bitter and pathetic. They won't have anyone to turn to. So perhaps it is better that you don't give birth. It's sad. You call this "reproduction"? It’s a textbook example of emotional immaturity. We are all shaped by our childhoods and our parents. Some people escape with minor consequences for themselves and their partners, while others face much more serious fallout. Perhaps it was an older sibling who left you feeling unloved, or perhaps it was parents who were just as cold and immature as you are now. That is the most common pattern.
For us mature women, "reproduction" isn't the only goal. However, it is a true litmus test for whether you are ready to give.
Not just take.
And you should realize that you will never reach a level of receiving that is enough for you.
It’s essentially a bottomless pit. Always wanting more, and more, and more...

This isn't a judgment. I am simply saddened by people who were so deeply neglected during their upbringing.

I am an unconventional, multifaceted person living a fast-paced life. But... I have a son, and I have dedicated myself to him completely. Wow! (The capacity to give).
Today, we are friends who laugh at the same jokes. He has style, he's witty, he's incredibly intelligent, and girls adore him. He’s kind,
---- and my greatest achievement in life.
You can be whatever you want to be in your lives, but you will never be whole individuals.
Because you aren't capable of it. Of giving.
Tragic. Truly tragic...

I honestly feel like women aren't inherently against having kids, it’s just that they get totally worn down by all those "well-meaning" comments from people constantly pushing their own agendas on them. Nobody should ever be allowed to dictate whether you should get married, have children, bake pies, or choose between being a stay-at-home mom versus a career woman. That is a deeply personal decision that everyone needs to make for themselves, strictly on their own timeline when they actually feel ready to take that step.
Having a little one is absolutely wonderful, and being a mom is such a beautiful experience, even if it gets incredibly exhausting and overwhelming sometimes! But that joy shouldn't come from fulfilling your mother's dream of having grandkids or satisfying some neighbor who thinks they know what's best for your life; it has to come from your own heart. And look, even if you decide you don't want kids at all, that is perfectly fine too. Not everyone is meant to be a parent, and children should only be welcomed by the people who truly, deeply want them.

granitebadger said:I’m posting this in good faith, and I’m new here, but I can hardly believe what I’m reading. Think about it: why don't you want that child? Is it because, deep down, you’re still just emotionally stunted little girls who think life is about receiving attention rather than giving it? Where does all this coldness come from, hidden behind such ridiculous rhetoric?
I agree that everyone has a right to choose, and I support that. But spiritually immature women—those who will always remain small and needy—should be denied sterilization.
Otherwise, if you do have a child, they will turn out exactly like you: bitter and pathetic. They won't have anyone to turn to. So perhaps it is better that you don't give birth. It's sad. You call this "reproduction"? It’s a textbook example of emotional immaturity. We are all shaped by our childhoods and our parents. Some people escape with minor consequences for themselves and their partners, while others face much more serious fallout. Perhaps it was an older sibling who left you feeling unloved, or perhaps it was parents who were just as cold and immature as you are now. That is the most common pattern.
For us mature women, "reproduction" isn't the only goal. However, it is a true litmus test for whether you are ready to give.
Not just take.
And you should realize that you will never reach a level of receiving that is enough for you.
It’s essentially a bottomless pit. Always wanting more, and more, and more...

This isn't a judgment. I am simply saddened by people who were so deeply neglected during their upbringing.

I am an unconventional, multifaceted person living a fast-paced life. But... I have a son, and I have dedicated myself to him completely. Wow! (The capacity to give).
Today, we are friends who laugh at the same jokes. He has style, he's witty, he's incredibly intelligent, and girls adore him. He’s kind,
---- and my greatest achievement in life.
You can be whatever you want to be in your lives, but you will never be whole individuals.
Because you aren't capable of it. Of giving.
Tragic. Truly tragic...

It’s wonderful that you wanted a child, had one, and that the act of giving brings you such a sense of fulfillment and happiness.
But I am baffled by the assumption that people who choose not to have children are somehow incomplete. Do you truly believe a child is the only thing that makes a person whole? Do you think the ability to give only manifests through parenthood? Surely, you’ve encountered incredibly selfish people who *do* have children. I’m certain you have. A truly complete person wouldn't view the world this way or judge others based on their own narrow experience.

And if you honestly believe that you and your child are "friends," I suspect you might be mistaken on that front as well.