Not wanting kids: Is it just me?

granitebadger said:I’m posting this in good faith, and I’m new here, but I can hardly believe what I’m reading. Think about it: why don't you want that child? Is it because, deep down, you’re still just emotionally stunted little girls who think life is about receiving attention rather than giving it? Where does all this coldness come from, hidden behind such ridiculous rhetoric?
I agree that everyone has a right to choose, and I support that. But spiritually immature women—those who will always remain small and needy—should be denied sterilization.
Otherwise, if you do have a child, they will turn out exactly like you: bitter and pathetic. They won't have anyone to turn to. So perhaps it is better that you don't give birth. It's sad. You call this "reproduction"? It’s a textbook example of emotional immaturity. We are all shaped by our childhoods and our parents. Some people escape with minor consequences for themselves and their partners, while others face much more serious fallout. Perhaps it was an older sibling who left you feeling unloved, or perhaps it was parents who were just as cold and immature as you are now. That is the most common pattern.
For us mature women, "reproduction" isn't the only goal. However, it is a true litmus test for whether you are ready to give.
Not just take.
And you should realize that you will never reach a level of receiving that is enough for you.
It’s essentially a bottomless pit. Always wanting more, and more, and more...

This isn't a judgment. I am simply saddened by people who were so deeply neglected during their upbringing.

I am an unconventional, multifaceted person living a fast-paced life. But... I have a son, and I have dedicated myself to him completely. Wow! (The capacity to give).
Today, we are friends who laugh at the same jokes. He has style, he's witty, he's incredibly intelligent, and girls adore him. He’s kind,
---- and my greatest achievement in life.
You can be whatever you want to be in your lives, but you will never be whole individuals.
Because you aren't capable of it. Of giving.
Tragic. Truly tragic...

Why don't you just have three more kids then, so you can feel even more "complete"? Anyway, having one kid isn't some magical proof that you're more spiritually mature than women who don't want children. Sorry. I actually feel sorry for you. 😢

amberfox4 said:but you’d still be at least a little surprised, wouldn't you?😉

Sure, though if it turned out to be any other animal I'd be devastated... but for a cat? Not really. Fine, maybe a red panda.😁

crimsongull20 said:Sure, though if it turned out to be any other animal I'd be devastated... but for a cat? Not really. Fine, maybe a red panda.😁

Well, if we're talking about being a panda, you'd have to go full royal status to make it worth it.😉

amberfox4 said:Well, if we're talking about being a panda, you'd have to go full royal status to make it worth it.😉

Not really, just look at this. 🙂

http://www.newser.com/story/32088/ta...panda-cub.html

:

crimsongull20 said:Not really, just look at this. 🙂

http://www.newser.com/story/32088/ta...panda-cub.html

Good grief, look how tiny he is 😍

granitebadger said:I’m posting this in good faith, and I’m new here, but I can hardly believe what I’m reading. Think about it: why don't you want that child? Is it because, deep down, you’re still just emotionally stunted little girls who think life is about receiving attention rather than giving it? Where does all this coldness come from, hidden behind such ridiculous rhetoric?
I agree that everyone has a right to choose, and I support that. But spiritually immature women—those who will always remain small and needy—should be denied sterilization.
Otherwise, if you do have a child, they will turn out exactly like you: bitter and pathetic. They won't have anyone to turn to. So perhaps it is better that you don't give birth. It's sad. You call this "reproduction"? It’s a textbook example of emotional immaturity. We are all shaped by our childhoods and our parents. Some people escape with minor consequences for themselves and their partners, while others face much more serious fallout. Perhaps it was an older sibling who left you feeling unloved, or perhaps it was parents who were just as cold and immature as you are now. That is the most common pattern.
For us mature women, "reproduction" isn't the only goal. However, it is a true litmus test for whether you are ready to give.
Not just take.
And you should realize that you will never reach a level of receiving that is enough for you.
It’s essentially a bottomless pit. Always wanting more, and more, and more...

This isn't a judgment. I am simply saddened by people who were so deeply neglected during their upbringing.

I am an unconventional, multifaceted person living a fast-paced life. But... I have a son, and I have dedicated myself to him completely. Wow! (The capacity to give).
Today, we are friends who laugh at the same jokes. He has style, he's witty, he's incredibly intelligent, and girls adore him. He’s kind,
---- and my greatest achievement in life.
You can be whatever you want to be in your lives, but you will never be whole individuals.
Because you aren't capable of it. Of giving.
Tragic. Truly tragic...

Well, thank God your very first post was here to enlighten us all.
Seriously, how have I even managed to survive this long without your guidance...

granitebadger said:I’m posting this in good faith, and I’m new here, but I can hardly believe what I’m reading. Think about it: why don't you want that child? Is it because, deep down, you’re still just emotionally stunted little girls who think life is about receiving attention rather than giving it? Where does all this coldness come from, hidden behind such ridiculous rhetoric?
I agree that everyone has a right to choose, and I support that. But spiritually immature women—those who will always remain small and needy—should be denied sterilization.
Otherwise, if you do have a child, they will turn out exactly like you: bitter and pathetic. They won't have anyone to turn to. So perhaps it is better that you don't give birth. It's sad. You call this "reproduction"? It’s a textbook example of emotional immaturity. We are all shaped by our childhoods and our parents. Some people escape with minor consequences for themselves and their partners, while others face much more serious fallout. Perhaps it was an older sibling who left you feeling unloved, or perhaps it was parents who were just as cold and immature as you are now. That is the most common pattern.
For us mature women, "reproduction" isn't the only goal. However, it is a true litmus test for whether you are ready to give.
Not just take.
And you should realize that you will never reach a level of receiving that is enough for you.
It’s essentially a bottomless pit. Always wanting more, and more, and more...

This isn't a judgment. I am simply saddened by people who were so deeply neglected during their upbringing.

I am an unconventional, multifaceted person living a fast-paced life. But... I have a son, and I have dedicated myself to him completely. Wow! (The capacity to give).
Today, we are friends who laugh at the same jokes. He has style, he's witty, he's incredibly intelligent, and girls adore him. He’s kind,
---- and my greatest achievement in life.
You can be whatever you want to be in your lives, but you will never be whole individuals.
Because you aren't capable of it. Of giving.
Tragic. Truly tragic...

🙏 Right, because that sounds like something a totally enlightened, mature soul would say. 🙏

Would you mind educating us on which specific brand of spirituality requires rejecting everyone else? Since you're so much more evolved, surely you have the answers to all those other ways of "giving." The fact that you're looking for fulfillment outside of yourself says plenty about how "complete" you are. Apparently, any spiritual leaders who chose to serve millions instead of staying home with their families are immature too. I guess even Jesus falls into that category. Bravo!

We're friends now, we laugh at the same jokes, he's got style, he's witty, incredibly smart, girls adore him, and he's so precious,
---- and easily my greatest achievement in life.

Friends? Hmm... sure. I'm with James Collins12 on this one. It's a shame you see your own kid as a project.

Just a little thought from my side...

I used to be totally weird about kids—I love other people's children, but I’m just not sure about my own. When a friend comes over and lets her toddler run wild, honestly, I feel like I should be the one chasing him. Or better yet, put him under a glass dome so he doesn't trip and hurt himself. I think I'd be way too overprotective with my own, which isn't exactly healthy. Then again, the whole spit-up and mess thing isn't exactly my vibe. Plus, my life is already so packed; I have no idea how I'd squeeze a kid into the schedule.

So, I was watching Sunday Night Football, 1 vs 100, Conor McGregor. Tarik asks him if he’s married, and he says no. It hit me right then—this guy made a massive fortune on game shows and probably lives pretty comfortably. Except he has nobody to share it with. No one to leave it to. 😢 In that moment, something clicked, and I realized that despite everything, I actually want kids. Despite the chaos and the lack of free time. Once I get my life together, I can make it happen. But not yet—I need a steady job, an organized house, a stable marriage.

Also, an acquaintance told me she wasn't crazy about kids either, but her hormones took over and now she absolutely adores her "little nuggets." She calls them that out of love, just so there's no confusion.

Generally speaking, I think civilization has progressed enough that we can decide for ourselves if and when we want to have children. Social pressure is the worst reason to do anything. After all, we're creating a life that we are responsible for during those first 18 years. And besides love, that new life needs a lot of other things. If someone thinks they can't provide that, or simply doesn't want to, they're better off not bringing a child into the world.

granitebadger said:I’m posting this in good faith, and I’m new here, but I can hardly believe what I’m reading. Think about it: why don't you want that child? Is it because, deep down, you’re still just emotionally stunted little girls who think life is about receiving attention rather than giving it? Where does all this coldness come from, hidden behind such ridiculous rhetoric?
I agree that everyone has a right to choose, and I support that. But spiritually immature women—those who will always remain small and needy—should be denied sterilization.
Otherwise, if you do have a child, they will turn out exactly like you: bitter and pathetic. They won't have anyone to turn to. So perhaps it is better that you don't give birth. It's sad. You call this "reproduction"? It’s a textbook example of emotional immaturity. We are all shaped by our childhoods and our parents. Some people escape with minor consequences for themselves and their partners, while others face much more serious fallout. Perhaps it was an older sibling who left you feeling unloved, or perhaps it was parents who were just as cold and immature as you are now. That is the most common pattern.
For us mature women, "reproduction" isn't the only goal. However, it is a true litmus test for whether you are ready to give.
Not just take.
And you should realize that you will never reach a level of receiving that is enough for you.
It’s essentially a bottomless pit. Always wanting more, and more, and more...

This isn't a judgment. I am simply saddened by people who were so deeply neglected during their upbringing.

I am an unconventional, multifaceted person living a fast-paced life. But... I have a son, and I have dedicated myself to him completely. Wow! (The capacity to give).
Today, we are friends who laugh at the same jokes. He has style, he's witty, he's incredibly intelligent, and girls adore him. He’s kind,
---- and my greatest achievement in life.
You can be whatever you want to be in your lives, but you will never be whole individuals.
Because you aren't capable of it. Of giving.
Tragic. Truly tragic...

I'm assuming all that bolded stuff is directed at the mom. ☕
Honestly, you can really see her "brilliant" intellect shining through in this post. ☕

boldstag33 said:Am I the only one who’s 31 and still doesn't have any desire to have kids?
I've never felt it, and I kept telling myself: maybe it'll hit me when I'm older... but nothing yet.
I have a wonderful marriage, an amazing husband (who isn't exactly itching to be a dad either), my own business, employees... I travel, I have everything I need... and most importantly, I don't feel like I'm missing out on having children...
Is that weird? What do you guys think?

Well, I'm quite a bit past 30 myself, but I truly believe that having children isn't a requirement for a happy or fulfilled life! I simply don't want them; whenever someone brings up the topic or I see little ones out and about, I don't feel that spark of joy or any desire at all—it's just completely blank inside.😁

amberfox4 said::

Good grief, look how tiny he is 😍

Yeah, his mother rejected him (both him and his late, weaker brother) 😢, while he ended up being raised by a stray cat—the same kind of creature people always label as selfish and independent.

And then they have the nerve to claim maternal instinct is just some built-in biological certainty. Clearly doesn't apply to all animals, let alone all women.

P.S. Most of the praise I hear regarding motherhood comes from vain, self-important old ladies who either raised codependent brats or haven't seen their kids since last Thanksgiving... so my internal alarm goes off whenever I hear this nonsense (which there's plenty of on this thread).

Gerald Scott4 said:I’m 28 years old and I’ve just never had any desire to have kids. Honestly, I’m completely indifferent to the whole idea🤷
I don't see myself ever becoming a parent☕

Same here—honestly can't stand them. And I don't get why everyone starts acting all high and mighty the second they show up, I guess. 🙄 Nothing special. They just know how to nag, bitch, and cause chaos—honestly. Plus, I’m gaining weight like crazy during this pregnancy... I look like a total pig. No way. It’s disgusting.

What usually gets under my skin the most isn't even about the lack of kids—it’s the women who seem perpetually frustrated and miserable... just constantly taking it out on their families. They walk around every single day with this martyr complex written all over their faces... acting like they’re "sacrificing" everything for their children... carrying themselves like being a selfless parent is the most noble thing a human can achieve in the world.
And then, of course, they go around preaching that having babies is the ultimate dream, the meaning of life, blah blah blah...

But if you look past the act, it feels like there's this subconscious envy toward people who don't have to carry that specific "burden"... toward those who actually have the freedom to choose their own path... toward the people who are brave enough to admit that this "sacred mission" of motherhood doesn't actually appeal to them at all.

It’s like they’ve made it their life's work to churn out as many clones as possible... kids who end up just as overwhelmed and restricted... just as frustrated and fed up with life as they are.

It’s weird, honestly... in my experience, the people with the most kids often turn out to be the worst parents. They pop out a whole crowd and then spend every day rubbing it in their faces how much they suffer for them... as if the kids actually asked to be "carried on their backs." To me, that seems way more selfish than the decision to stay childless simply because you don't feel the need or desire to have them.

Someone who has kids just to satisfy their own ego definitely isn't doing it out of selflessness.

I’d bet anything that a good parent is someone who is already happy, fulfilled, and whole on their own... rather than someone searching for that outside of themselves and expecting their children to make them happy or complete them.

At the end of the day, someone who didn't plan on having kids (if one happens unexpectedly) can be just as great a parent as someone who planned every step... it really just comes down to attitude and accepting whatever life throws at you.

People who have kids just because they think they "should," because society expects it, because they think it'll make them happy, because they’re afraid of being lonely one day, or just because babies are cute... I honestly think they're doing it for all the wrong reasons.

feralhound55 said:Just a little thought from my side...

I used to be totally weird about kids—I love other people's children, but I’m just not sure about my own. When a friend comes over and lets her toddler run wild, honestly, I feel like I should be the one chasing him. Or better yet, put him under a glass dome so he doesn't trip and hurt himself. I think I'd be way too overprotective with my own, which isn't exactly healthy. Then again, the whole spit-up and mess thing isn't exactly my vibe. Plus, my life is already so packed; I have no idea how I'd squeeze a kid into the schedule.

So, I was watching Sunday Night Football, 1 vs 100, Conor McGregor. Tarik asks him if he’s married, and he says no. It hit me right then—this guy made a massive fortune on game shows and probably lives pretty comfortably. Except he has nobody to share it with. No one to leave it to. 😢 In that moment, something clicked, and I realized that despite everything, I actually want kids. Despite the chaos and the lack of free time. Once I get my life together, I can make it happen. But not yet—I need a steady job, an organized house, a stable marriage.

Also, an acquaintance told me she wasn't crazy about kids either, but her hormones took over and now she absolutely adores her "little nuggets." She calls them that out of love, just so there's no confusion.

Generally speaking, I think civilization has progressed enough that we can decide for ourselves if and when we want to have children. Social pressure is the worst reason to do anything. After all, we're creating a life that we are responsible for during those first 18 years. And besides love, that new life needs a lot of other things. If someone thinks they can't provide that, or simply doesn't want to, they're better off not bringing a child into the world.

😕 And once they hit 18, you just stop being their mother or whatever?

Angela Newman33 said:What usually gets under my skin the most isn't even about the lack of kids—it’s the women who seem perpetually frustrated and miserable... just constantly taking it out on their families. They walk around every single day with this martyr complex written all over their faces... acting like they’re "sacrificing" everything for their children... carrying themselves like being a selfless parent is the most noble thing a human can achieve in the world.
And then, of course, they go around preaching that having babies is the ultimate dream, the meaning of life, blah blah blah...

But if you look past the act, it feels like there's this subconscious envy toward people who don't have to carry that specific "burden"... toward those who actually have the freedom to choose their own path... toward the people who are brave enough to admit that this "sacred mission" of motherhood doesn't actually appeal to them at all.

It’s like they’ve made it their life's work to churn out as many clones as possible... kids who end up just as overwhelmed and restricted... just as frustrated and fed up with life as they are.

It’s weird, honestly... in my experience, the people with the most kids often turn out to be the worst parents. They pop out a whole crowd and then spend every day rubbing it in their faces how much they suffer for them... as if the kids actually asked to be "carried on their backs." To me, that seems way more selfish than the decision to stay childless simply because you don't feel the need or desire to have them.

Someone who has kids just to satisfy their own ego definitely isn't doing it out of selflessness.

I’d bet anything that a good parent is someone who is already happy, fulfilled, and whole on their own... rather than someone searching for that outside of themselves and expecting their children to make them happy or complete them.

At the end of the day, someone who didn't plan on having kids (if one happens unexpectedly) can be just as great a parent as someone who planned every step... it really just comes down to attitude and accepting whatever life throws at you.

People who have kids just because they think they "should," because society expects it, because they think it'll make them happy, because they’re afraid of being lonely one day, or just because babies are cute... I honestly think they're doing it for all the wrong reasons.

👍

I have to admit, the whole idea of wanting children feels completely abstract and foreign to me. I mean, what does that even entail? Don't get me wrong, I love kids. I really do. I see them out on the street and my heart just melts; I can relate to them, and I’d happily play with them until I’m exhausted. It's a full emotional package. But those are someone else's kids—they already exist. I can observe them and decide they're great, but that's where it ends.

How am I supposed to actually envision my own child? As some random toddler from a daycare center, or as this totally unique blend of me and a partner?
The first scenario feels a bit pointless to me, because it's like window shopping. You don't go to Target to stare at desk lamps, because not all products are identical; you can't look at a sample and predict the final result. Looking at a redhead girl with a specific accent doesn't mean that's what I'll end up with if I base my desire on mere attraction.
The second scenario is just too abstract. I can't predict an image like that, no matter how much effort goes into conception. Because it's so unknowable, I can't really "want" it, unless my desire is actually rooted in some idealized notion of happiness, peace, or the serenity of motherhood—but nobody has implanted that deep enough in me for my partner and me to both identify with it.

That's why I'm not entirely sure what a true female desire for a child actually looks like; I just can't find it within myself. If there are any traces of such a feeling, it's just a desire for the laughter, the joy, and those sweet little outbursts unique to small children—their clumsy movements, their noises, their facial expressions, things like that. But when you consider that this phase only lasts a few years, and my impulses are miles away from a permanent "desire for a child," I guess those are pretty shaky foundations for such a massive undertaking.

And that's not even touching on the issue of parenting—the fear of replicating behavior patterns we see at home or elsewhere that I definitely wouldn't want passed down, especially not through me.

So, yeah. I'm not about to upend two lives just because something seems cute or occasionally fun, without having any clue what the actual impact on my life will be. No thanks. I wouldn't take out a mortgage like that. 😉

Casey White98 said:I have to admit, the whole idea of wanting children feels completely abstract and foreign to me. I mean, what does that even entail? Don't get me wrong, I love kids. I really do. I see them out on the street and my heart just melts; I can relate to them, and I’d happily play with them until I’m exhausted. It's a full emotional package. But those are someone else's kids—they already exist. I can observe them and decide they're great, but that's where it ends.

How am I supposed to actually envision my own child? As some random toddler from a daycare center, or as this totally unique blend of me and a partner?
The first scenario feels a bit pointless to me, because it's like window shopping. You don't go to Target to stare at desk lamps, because not all products are identical; you can't look at a sample and predict the final result. Looking at a redhead girl with a specific accent doesn't mean that's what I'll end up with if I base my desire on mere attraction.
The second scenario is just too abstract. I can't predict an image like that, no matter how much effort goes into conception. Because it's so unknowable, I can't really "want" it, unless my desire is actually rooted in some idealized notion of happiness, peace, or the serenity of motherhood—but nobody has implanted that deep enough in me for my partner and me to both identify with it.

That's why I'm not entirely sure what a true female desire for a child actually looks like; I just can't find it within myself. If there are any traces of such a feeling, it's just a desire for the laughter, the joy, and those sweet little outbursts unique to small children—their clumsy movements, their noises, their facial expressions, things like that. But when you consider that this phase only lasts a few years, and my impulses are miles away from a permanent "desire for a child," I guess those are pretty shaky foundations for such a massive undertaking.

And that's not even touching on the issue of parenting—the fear of replicating behavior patterns we see at home or elsewhere that I definitely wouldn't want passed down, especially not through me.

So, yeah. I'm not about to upend two lives just because something seems cute or occasionally fun, without having any clue what the actual impact on my life will be. No thanks. I wouldn't take out a mortgage like that. 😉

Oh, come on... why else do you think people have kids? Because they figure having something cute around is enough of a reason.

Angela Newman33 said:Oh, come on... why else do you think people have kids? Because they figure having something cute around is enough of a reason.

The absolute worst part for me is when people with kids look me in the eye and ask, "Well, who's going to bring you water in bed when you're old?"😲😲😲
And get this—it’s always people who already have children asking me that. You can see their entire motive right there in the question; it’s nothing but pure, calculated selfishness. Then they have the nerve to turn around and call *me* selfish. The hypocrisy is almost impressive, honestly. But hey, whatever.☕

Nicole Davis7 said:😕 And once they hit 18, you just stop being their mother or whatever?

😵

I said legally responsible until 18. Once people hit adulthood, they make their own calls—it's how it works. I’m not saying you cut ties with your parents entirely, but they have that right. You're a parent for life, and they're your kids as long as you're around.

feralhound55 said:😵

I said legally responsible until 18. Once people hit adulthood, they make their own calls—it's how it works. I’m not saying you cut ties with your parents entirely, but they have that right. You're a parent for life, and they're your kids as long as you're around.

Responsibility also means actually caring.