Can psychology actually help fix relationship issues?

Wait, Taylor, so you're actually diving into Eric Bern and transactional analysis...

Girls, if you're really curious, you should totally pick up the book "Games People Play"...or maybe check out "What Do You Say After Hello"...honestly, just give them a read because Bern is such a blast to read, but seriously, DO NOT take him too literally. Like, someone was saying over on the Cocaine Nights thread that he "completely missed the mark"...which, I mean, maybe? But yeah, don't be too literal about it.

It’s not a bad starting point for an idea, but it's really just a tiny little glimpse...🥳 😉

I’m just playing Silver Surfer. As for anything else, I honestly couldn't care less 😎 😁
Go ahead and rationalize it yourselves...

Ladies, you all look dangerous 🙏 — honestly can't tell who's who though 🤷

haha🤣 🤣

Give me a break, you three 🙄

Don't you have anything better to do than stick your nose in here? Is this actually how you choose to spend your time? 🙄

God, that color is just aggressively loud (she’s giving off major Shrek vibes 😁😁😁😁)

mistybison said:That is a fascinating question. 🙂

I always loved tales about bronze, silver, and golden kingdoms, stories involving three brothers or three bears—tales where the hero has to be resourceful, wise, and brave to earn their reward. I especially liked the story of Prince Charming, who put men through intense trials to ensure they were strong enough to win her heart... 🙂 I have always leaned toward epic adventures rather than lyrical ones, so romantic fairy tales actually bored me. They only started to interest me once I grew up. 😁

Is that from that massive anthology, like "1000 Greatest Fairy Tales" or something? If it is, I read that thing a bunch of times when I was a kid, but I don't have a copy anymore...

But man, there was one specific story in that book that seriously messed with my head... I can't even remember the exact title, but here goes: some King decides to marry off his daughter, right? He puts out an announcement saying whoever brings her the gift she likes best wins her hand. The first guy shows up with diamonds, the second brings—God knows what—some emerald box, the third brings this golden heart, and then there's this last guy who just brings some random rocks he picked up along the way... and apparently, the Princess loves the rocks most at first, but she has to think about it for another day and eventually settles on the guy with the golden heart.

That story haunted me for the longest time... like, WTF? Where's the happy ending in that logic? Why wouldn't she just pick the guy with the rocks? Seriously, what kind of nonsense is that? 😁 😁

Someone please tell me the name of that story so I can find it online... 😉

Keith Lee2 said:

Ladies, you all look dangerous 🙏 — honestly can't tell who's who though 🤷

Man, this group shot of us is actually pretty great....🤣 🤣 👋 👍

Chloe Barnes8 said:Man, this group shot of us is actually pretty great....🤣 🤣 👋 👍

To's subjective, I guess.
I can't really recall the whole plot of the cat story either... just bits and pieces... honestly, what a joke, yet somehow it was my absolute favorite growing up....
By the way, has anyone actually read the original fairy tales, like the ones by Grimm? Everything we were taught as kids was just some sanitized, "pretty" version. The originals are bloody as hell.... 😲

it's not like those "sanitized" versions aren't scary enough already...

if you really sit down and look at classic fairy tales, most of them are actually pretty violent and cruel, so honestly? I’d probably ban reading them to kids altogether...🙄

Since there’s certainly an element of truth to all of this—the whole business regarding fairy tales and those old folk stories—I found myself immediately diving into reading things like *The Girl from Space* and similar titles to my niece. My internal monologue was essentially, forget the prince; they simply aren't worth the investment...🙄

As for N&N, it isn't quite the first time I've encountered the term, though I must admit I am entirely in the dark as to what it actually entails.

Furthermore, I felt compelled to offer another observation. Is there not a certain point where the constant, obsessive tracking and broadcasting of "data"—driven by that specific sort of logic, you know the type—becomes something bordering on a need for clinical psychopathological evaluation?
I mention this merely as an example that presented itself. It is precisely the kind of persona I go to great lengths to avoid; they are simply not my crowd. In fact, one could argue that even the most seasoned psychologists wouldn't be able to make much headway here. One's only real option would be to run for the hills, and then perhaps keep running...

Chloe Barnes8 said:it's not like those "sanitized" versions aren't scary enough already...

if you really sit down and look at classic fairy tales, most of them are actually pretty violent and cruel, so honestly? I’d probably ban reading them to kids altogether...🙄

True, but the original versions are straight-up bloody. I started digging into them a few years ago—bought a huge collection of the classics at work just to see what the fuss was about. I didn't finish the whole thing because it's nothing but gore, literally. We only picked it up to compare them, since even the modern retellings can be interpreted in different ways.

Christian Wells6 said:Since there’s certainly an element of truth to all of this—the whole business regarding fairy tales and those old folk stories—I found myself immediately diving into reading things like *The Girl from Space* and similar titles to my niece. My internal monologue was essentially, forget the prince; they simply aren't worth the investment...🙄

As for N&N, it isn't quite the first time I've encountered the term, though I must admit I am entirely in the dark as to what it actually entails.

Furthermore, I felt compelled to offer another observation. Is there not a certain point where the constant, obsessive tracking and broadcasting of "data"—driven by that specific sort of logic, you know the type—becomes something bordering on a need for clinical psychopathological evaluation?
I mention this merely as an example that presented itself. It is precisely the kind of persona I go to great lengths to avoid; they are simply not my crowd. In fact, one could argue that even the most seasoned psychologists wouldn't be able to make much headway here. One's only real option would be to run for the hills, and then perhaps keep running...

Yeah, whatever, let them have their Snow Whites.... they'll get them anyway, so just go find something else.

I have this one vague memory.... a dragon with god knows how many heads, a labyrinth, and all that stuff, I don't even know... maybe it's just my imagination playing tricks, but I vividly remember those specific details... 🤔

I was actually at the bookstore today, looking for a gift for a little girl. But when it comes to fairy tales, aside from those typical collections everyone knows, there's nothing unless you grab the big anthologies, and those are way too expensive for me right now.

Sandra Parker3, I haven't a clue either; it sounds familiar, but those themes are so common it's hard to pin down anything else. It also occurred to me that maybe the version in your head has been modified over time.
And not every tale has what we'd call a happy ending; maybe this one of yours is meant to teach a kid that people are unpredictable, which is actually a good lesson... a happy end... 🤷

Quincy:

I also wanted to mention something. Isn't that constant habit of tracking and feeding back "data" using logic like I know you, you are...... mature enough for a psych evaluation? I'm bringing this up as an example that presented itself. It's a personality type I avoid at all costs. It's just not my crowd. Honestly, no psychologist could help in that situation. You just run for the hills, far away............

There's an even worse version: "What do you know, you don't feel things the same way, you're just saying that, I know who you are..."
There you go, plenty of reason to start sprinting....

Honestly, it seems N&N has simply concocted their own unique life script. 🤣

I am inclined to believe they have selected a sort of golden heart—though, perhaps not in the literal sense of a gold bullion, but rather as an abstract, supreme value, blah, blah...

As for the colors, I find myself thinking that Snow White and her seven decent gentlemen would be a much more fitting arrangement than the usual seven dwarves. I once encountered a fellow who truly understood this concept during his university days; studying was quite his forte. I remember arriving to collect my own study guides when he remarked, quite earnestly, that his mother had strictly warned him never to open the door, given that Washington, D.C. is such a massive, unpredictable city. 😍

My own subsequent vocabulary tends to drift into the realm of adult literature. 😍

To tell you the truth, reading the Brothers Karamazov has always been my most effective sleep aid. One is usually out cold after the first two sentences.

Christian Wells6 said:Honestly, it seems N&N has simply concocted their own unique life script. 🤣

I am inclined to believe they have selected a sort of golden heart—though, perhaps not in the literal sense of a gold bullion, but rather as an abstract, supreme value, blah, blah...

As for the colors, I find myself thinking that Snow White and her seven decent gentlemen would be a much more fitting arrangement than the usual seven dwarves. I once encountered a fellow who truly understood this concept during his university days; studying was quite his forte. I remember arriving to collect my own study guides when he remarked, quite earnestly, that his mother had strictly warned him never to open the door, given that Washington, D.C. is such a massive, unpredictable city. 😍

My own subsequent vocabulary tends to drift into the realm of adult literature. 😍

To tell you the truth, reading the Brothers Karamazov has always been my most effective sleep aid. One is usually out cold after the first two sentences.

Hahahaha 😁
Honestly, who wouldn't? I actually tried to do a quick deep dive into my own mačak today (you can imagine how awkward that looked at the local bookstore), thinking maybe I’d learn something about myself. I eventually decided to save it for another time because I know I'd just cherry-pick the parts that fit my narrative anyway. That would be straight-up self-manipulation. I guess a psychologist would probably just call it rationalization 😁

Sandra Parker3, if you ask me, I think Snow White and seven decent guys sounds much better than seven dwarves. There was this one guy who tried that line on me once—he was a total academic type, lived for studying. I showed up to pick up my study guides, and he goes: "My mom told me never to open the door; Washington, D.C. is a huge city." 😍

Tanja, let's swap out that rafting trip for something else, because there's no way I'm jumping into rough waters... whether it's a river or the ocean... that's a whole different story...
Just save me a seat at the local diner instead...
Because... I really do appreciate people with a sense of unpredictable humor... 🙂

Christian Wells6 said:Since there’s certainly an element of truth to all of this—the whole business regarding fairy tales and those old folk stories—I found myself immediately diving into reading things like *The Girl from Space* and similar titles to my niece. My internal monologue was essentially, forget the prince; they simply aren't worth the investment...🙄

As for N&N, it isn't quite the first time I've encountered the term, though I must admit I am entirely in the dark as to what it actually entails.

Furthermore, I felt compelled to offer another observation. Is there not a certain point where the constant, obsessive tracking and broadcasting of "data"—driven by that specific sort of logic, you know the type—becomes something bordering on a need for clinical psychopathological evaluation?
I mention this merely as an example that presented itself. It is precisely the kind of persona I go to great lengths to avoid; they are simply not my crowd. In fact, one could argue that even the most seasoned psychologists wouldn't be able to make much headway here. One's only real option would be to run for the hills, and then perhaps keep running...

So, yeah, the real question is whether we're actually engaging in healthy debate!

In my experience, the toughest ones to deal with are those who project their own issues (or whatever they've been told they have) onto everyone and everything they see...🤣

And that goes for both the professionals and the amateurs alike...🙄

urbangardener35 said:Is that from that massive anthology, like "1000 Greatest Fairy Tales" or something? If it is, I read that thing a bunch of times when I was a kid, but I don't have a copy anymore...

But man, there was one specific story in that book that seriously messed with my head... I can't even remember the exact title, but here goes: some King decides to marry off his daughter, right? He puts out an announcement saying whoever brings her the gift she likes best wins her hand. The first guy shows up with diamonds, the second brings—God knows what—some emerald box, the third brings this golden heart, and then there's this last guy who just brings some random rocks he picked up along the way... and apparently, the Princess loves the rocks most at first, but she has to think about it for another day and eventually settles on the guy with the golden heart.

That story haunted me for the longest time... like, WTF? Where's the happy ending in that logic? Why wouldn't she just pick the guy with the rocks? Seriously, what kind of nonsense is that? 😁 😁

Someone please tell me the name of that story so I can find it online... 😉

It’s actually part of a collection of Russian folk tales. I have quite a large library of fairy tales and I still enjoy buying new ones. I love reading them—I find myself completely immersed in those fantasy worlds whenever I do. 🙂

One specific story from that book always left me conflicted... I wonder if anyone knows the exact title. It goes something like this: a king decides to marry off his daughter by announcing that whoever brings her the gift she likes best will win her hand. The first person brings diamonds, the second brings an emerald box, the third presents a golden heart, and the last guy just brings some stones he picked up along the way. Surprisingly, the princess initially prefers the random stones, but after taking another day to think it over, she ultimately chooses the man with the golden heart.

I've never heard of it. 😕

That story used to drive me crazy for ages... WTF... where is the happy ending? Why didn't she go with the guy with the rocks? What kind of logic is that? 😁 😁

Initially, she thought she should choose the most original and daring suitor (after all, it takes guts to offer pebbles gathered off the road), but then she reconsidered and realized that a good—and gold—heart is worth much more. 🙂

Sandra Parker3 said:True, but the original versions are straight-up bloody. I started digging into them a few years ago—bought a huge collection of the classics at work just to see what the fuss was about. I didn't finish the whole thing because it's nothing but gore, literally. We only picked it up to compare them, since even the modern retellings can be interpreted in different ways.

Yeah, whatever, let them have their Snow Whites.... they'll get them anyway, so just go find something else.

I have this one vague memory.... a dragon with god knows how many heads, a labyrinth, and all that stuff, I don't even know... maybe it's just my imagination playing tricks, but I vividly remember those specific details... 🤔

I was actually at the bookstore today, looking for a gift for a little girl. But when it comes to fairy tales, aside from those typical collections everyone knows, there's nothing unless you grab the big anthologies, and those are way too expensive for me right now.

Sandra Parker3, I haven't a clue either; it sounds familiar, but those themes are so common it's hard to pin down anything else. It also occurred to me that maybe the version in your head has been modified over time.
And not every tale has what we'd call a happy ending; maybe this one of yours is meant to teach a kid that people are unpredictable, which is actually a good lesson... a happy end... 🤷

Quincy:

I also wanted to mention something. Isn't that constant habit of tracking and feeding back "data" using logic like I know you, you are...... mature enough for a psych evaluation? I'm bringing this up as an example that presented itself. It's a personality type I avoid at all costs. It's just not my crowd. Honestly, no psychologist could help in that situation. You just run for the hills, far away............

There's an even worse version: "What do you know, you don't feel things the same way, you're just saying that, I know who you are..."
There you go, plenty of reason to start sprinting....

All I know is that this guy with all the rocks had some kind of mule—or maybe a donkey, I can't quite remember—that kicked the bucket right in front of the estate. Apparently, he was dirt poor, too... like, absolutely broke. And from what I recall, one of the types of stone he was scavenging was shale.

I mean, I found it so incredibly bizarre how the woman in that story picked some absolute nobody... seriously, not the richest guy, not the poorest... just someone who was completely unremarkable. Like, there was zero spark—nothing to even grab onto. And what really gets me? She actually liked those rocks... ugh. Honestly, reading stuff like that totally demoralized me back when I was just eight or nine years old. 😁

Usually, these guys have to actually prove themselves if they want to land a girl—you know, go out and slay a dragon, hunt down a witch's eye, or find some magic rock that bleeds water or whatever. It’s all about showing you've actually accomplished something significant... but this idiot? He just rolls up with a heart and calls it a day. Total waste of time. 🤷

TanjaOriginal said:Honestly, urbangardener35 has just gone and written their own weird little life script at this point—it’s like they’re playing a completely different game than the rest of us.

More or less... something like that. 😢 😍

mistybison said:It’s actually part of a collection of Russian folk tales. I have quite a large library of fairy tales and I still enjoy buying new ones. I love reading them—I find myself completely immersed in those fantasy worlds whenever I do. 🙂

One specific story from that book always left me conflicted... I wonder if anyone knows the exact title. It goes something like this: a king decides to marry off his daughter by announcing that whoever brings her the gift she likes best will win her hand. The first person brings diamonds, the second brings an emerald box, the third presents a golden heart, and the last guy just brings some stones he picked up along the way. Surprisingly, the princess initially prefers the random stones, but after taking another day to think it over, she ultimately chooses the man with the golden heart.

I've never heard of it. 😕

That story used to drive me crazy for ages... WTF... where is the happy ending? Why didn't she go with the guy with the rocks? What kind of logic is that? 😁 😁

Initially, she thought she should choose the most original and daring suitor (after all, it takes guts to offer pebbles gathered off the road), but then she reconsidered and realized that a good—and gold—heart is worth much more. 🙂

Yeah... great explanation there... I really failed to make the connection that gold equals good. 😵

I’ve been thinking about this every once in a while myself:
She’s nothing more than a total gold digger—honestly, the second she sold out that Golden Heart, her true colors came out.
Honestly, Kraljević is being a total moron if he thinks he can just apply for a job when he doesn't even meet the basic requirements—like, seriously? It’s just common sense at this point. Why even bother wasting everyone's time?
c) the parents probably totally blew it by telling their daughter, “Honey, please, don't pick him—can't you see he's broke?” 😁 😁

mistybison, you've let yourself get discouraged for no reason at all. 😁 Try revisiting those classic fairy tales now that you're an adult; you'll find they offer a much deeper perspective. 🙂 These stories aren't just for kids. 😉

Sandra Parker3 said:Things out of our hands are simply beyond our reach...?
Please.
You take them as they come; there's no point in making a scene over them.
Though I still wouldn't agree with being stuck in that constant state of discontent.
If you can't change something, why bother getting worked up? It’s outside your power. Being pissed off or frustrated by it doesn't solve a damn thing.
Real frustration actually comes from the things we *can* influence—the stuff we should be shaping or changing—but we choose not to.
So, ultimately, you end up being frustrated with yourself. You aren't shifting the blame onto someone else. What's the point? Every single second, you could have taken action, and right now... you aren't. That's where the frustration lives.
I had something else to say but I totally blanked.
Probably something about tolerance...

Hmmmmmmm... I suppose a man feels pretty dissatisfied when he's being crucified or impaled. Believe it or not, people actually used to do that.

So, what advice do you give someone currently on a spit? Don't be upset—you can't exactly hop off the stake yourself, so there's really no point in losing sleep over it. It won't change the outcome. 😍

It's a bit of a drastic example 😬, but I am genuinely curious why modern people start from such a nonsensical premise: the idea that every problem is either solvable, or if it isn't, you shouldn't let it bother you? For crying out loud, that's just life. You face hardship and you endure it. And no, you aren't going to "fix" it. Not ever.

By the way, who brought up Vasilisa the Beautiful? Enchantress? Honey, you seem to have forgotten the gist of that story; it was probably ages ago. She didn't subject her Johnny to any trials; quite the opposite. The king put him through the wringer, he’d complain, and then Vasilisa would swoop in to save him (quite the girl... 😵 ). In that whole tale, John wasn't some macho hero proving his worth; he was more like a pushover who happened to stumble into success. Besides, he isn't even the main attraction—Vasilisa steals the entire show. 👍 (even though she doesn't show up until the second half). What did she even see in that weakling? This story was almost certainly cooked up by some man xexexexexe

Light EDIT: I actually think we might be talking about a different Vasilisa. You mention the "Beautiful," whereas I'm certain I'm thinking of the "Wise" one. The story starts with the friendship between a sparrow and a mouse—rings any bells? There's the great war between birds and beasts, a wounded eagle, a hunter who misses three times before finally taking him, raising him, and healing him, only for the bird to drop him from the sky three times to settle the score? Then the sisters from the bronze, silver, and gold cities, and those magic boxes that release castles we can't figure out how to put back inside? ... That was my favorite from the "fairytale world" collection. I must have read it at least a hundred times. But as I said, "Vasilisa" might not be that rare a name in these old stories...

>>>>Maybe this is a bit extreme, but I am genuinely curious about one thing. Why on earth does everyone nowadays seem to operate under this totally mindless assumption that every single problem is either fixable, or—if it isn't—that we just shouldn't bother being upset about it? Honestly, that's just life. You deal with hardship, and you just have to bear it. And no, you won't always solve it. Ever.

Exactly my point..

And doesn't this whole habit of denying real struggle actually turn us into neurotic, unhealthy messes when things go wrong????🙄

If you want more info on this weird modern obsession where people try to deny any kind of dissatisfaction and strive to control absolutely EVERYTHING, you should check out "The Myth of Sisyphus" by Beethoven... you'll definitely see yourself in it, and it's a pretty good read...🤣