Can psychology actually help fix relationship issues?

Chloe Barnes8 said:I think Sandra Parker3 mentioned somewhere that I haven't actually pointed out one specific issue in this thread, and honestly, she's right... it feels more like a casual chat room at this point..

With all the endless flood of advice on how to find a partner, how to be more seductive, or tips on how to spice up your sex life—whether it's through books, magazines, websites, or even those reality TV shows—it really makes you wonder if we actually need that much guidance for everything. And if we do, would any of it even work?

I guess I’m just feeling pretty conflicted about these so-called sexual therapists..
On one hand, why not? It’s true that a lot of people are pretty much totally uneducated when it comes to intimacy..
But on the other hand, it feels like such an intense intrusion into someone's private life..

I mean, I'm sure most of you have at least caught a glimpse of shows like Sex Inc. on cable, right?
So, what's your take on sexual therapy? I'd love to hear from anyone who's actually gone through it...

Well, I think there was some news a few months back about the first group of American psychiatrists—or whatever they call them—starting training to become sex therapists. So, honestly, any real experience with this probably comes from people living abroad.

I guess it’s all connected. That’s just my opinion, though: if you have a healthy relationship with sex and your own body, you probably won't find yourself without a partner for years on end. It’s about instinct. Something has to be fundamentally broken if we can't satisfy our basic natural drives.

EDIT: Building a stable, high-quality relationship is more of an add-on. It involves meeting hundreds of other needs that are just as real, even if they aren't quite as primal as pure instinct.

Jerry Martinez5 said:That’s exactly why I’m asking: can a therapist or psychiatrist actually help someone find a partner? Can we fix the reason we've been single for years just by changing ourselves through therapy?

I’m afraid the answer for Jerry Martinez5 is a resounding no.
I know precisely what I require, and while therapists might attempt to guide me toward an answer, I simply refuse to be swayed. 🤷

Christian Wells6 said:I’m afraid the answer for Jerry Martinez5 is a resounding no.
I know precisely what I require, and while therapists might attempt to guide me toward an answer, I simply refuse to be swayed. 🤷

Well, you said it yourself—everyone gets what they deserve. If you're actually happy with what you've got, then sure, maybe you don't need professional help.

But personally? I'm not satisfied. That’s the difference. There is just this massive gap between what I think I want and what I actually end up doing.

Here are some guidelines based on the "life script" provided by 🤷

I’m curious, which story was your absolute favorite when you were under six years old?

I shall provide an explanation for this inquiry shortly. 🙄

Jerry Martinez5 said:Well, you said it yourself—everyone gets what they deserve. If you're actually happy with what you've got, then sure, maybe you don't need professional help.

But personally? I'm not satisfied. That’s the difference. There is just this massive gap between what I think I want and what I actually end up doing.

So... yeah... I don't think I can really agree with the idea that being satisfied with yourself is the only thing that determines whether or not we need psychological help...

I mean, someone could be totally unhealthy but also incredibly full of themselves (just look at some of those politicians in D.C., they’re basically a walking gallery of people like that 😁)... on the flip side, you could be unhappy with yourself without the reasons even being that deep or "unhealthy" per se. But still, I think psychology can definitely help us see ourselves more clearly, understand our needs, and figure out how we relate to everyone else...

Christian Wells6 said:Here are some guidelines based on the "life script" provided by 🤷

I’m curious, which story was your absolute favorite when you were under six years old?

I shall provide an explanation for this inquiry shortly. 🙄

Aha, so it’s kind of like those life scripts they study in transactional analysis over at Bernov...

Hmm, okay, let me think... Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty.😁

The most intense one, though... definitely The Little Mermaid..

Christian Wells6 said:Here are some guidelines based on the "life script" provided by 🤷

I’m curious, which story was your absolute favorite when you were under six years old?

I shall provide an explanation for this inquiry shortly. 🙄

That is a fascinating question. 🙂

I always loved tales about bronze, silver, and golden kingdoms, stories involving three brothers or three bears—tales where the hero has to be resourceful, wise, and brave to earn their reward. I especially liked the story of Prince Charming, who put men through intense trials to ensure they were strong enough to win her heart... 🙂 I have always leaned toward epic adventures rather than lyrical ones, so romantic fairy tales actually bored me. They only started to interest me once I grew up. 😁

Jerry Martinez5 said:Well, I think there was some news a few months back about the first group of American psychiatrists—or whatever they call them—starting training to become sex therapists. So, honestly, any real experience with this probably comes from people living abroad.

I guess it’s all connected. That’s just my opinion, though: if you have a healthy relationship with sex and your own body, you probably won't find yourself without a partner for years on end. It’s about instinct. Something has to be fundamentally broken if we can't satisfy our basic natural drives.

EDIT: Building a stable, high-quality relationship is more of an add-on. It involves meeting hundreds of other needs that are just as real, even if they aren't quite as primal as pure instinct.

The whole thing starts with an upbringing built on traditional, ultra-dogmatic religious teachings about original sin, the sinfulness of sexuality, and the supposed sin of seeking any kind of pleasure that doesn't strictly follow Church doctrine... those are the foundational ideas that hit people hard from early childhood, and honestly, they are incredibly difficult to unlearn once you're an adult. (And look, people don't even have to be religious themselves, but these dogmas are baked right into the fabric of American society, making them nearly impossible to escape.)
That’s where all the stress comes from regarding our sexual drive—which, let's be clear, is a perfectly natural, God-given instinct—and it leads directly to things like frigidity, nymphomania, or even various deviant sexual behaviors.
I really wonder how much psychologists and psychiatrists can actually do to counter this, or even help, because many of them are still caught up in worldviews shaped by those same heavy concepts of "sin," so they end up just treating the symptoms while completely ignoring the root cause...
A truly healthy relationship with one's body and sexuality can only be achieved by people who manage to make a positive break from that entire dogmatic mindset.

Sandra Parker3 said:They leaned a little too hard into genetics, so watching some guy's complete lack of literacy was actually a nice little breather. 😉

🙂 🙂 🙂

Christian Wells6 said:Here are some guidelines based on the "life script" provided by 🤷

I’m curious, which story was your absolute favorite when you were under six years old?

I shall provide an explanation for this inquiry shortly. 🙄

Puss in Boots 🙂

(They kept trying to push Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Little Red Riding Hood, and all those other losers on me, but none of that ever clicked.)

it’s going to be eggs 😁

Chloe Barnes8 said:So... yeah... I don't think I can really agree with the idea that being satisfied with yourself is the only thing that determines whether or not we need psychological help...

I mean, someone could be totally unhealthy but also incredibly full of themselves (just look at some of those politicians in D.C., they’re basically a walking gallery of people like that 😁)... on the flip side, you could be unhappy with yourself without the reasons even being that deep or "unhealthy" per se. But still, I think psychology can definitely help us see ourselves more clearly, understand our needs, and figure out how we relate to everyone else...

Self-dissatisfaction always stems from reasons that are bad enough (healthyly unhealthy) to matter.
Cut down the reasons, cut down the dissatisfaction.
Eliminate the reasons, eliminate the dissatisfaction.
🙂

Keith Lee2 is just something else... honestly, his whole vibe perfectly captures that sense of male verbal inadequacy and pure desperation...😁 😁

Just look at how women have had to find ways to fight back using nothing but—well, an image...🤣

Man, guys have always had to get pretty creative when they try to shut us up, isn't it funny? It’s no wonder the patriarchy has stuck around this long; it’s really just straight-up FEAR...😁 😁 🤣

Sandra Parker3 said:Self-dissatisfaction always stems from reasons that are bad enough (healthyly unhealthy) to matter.
Cut down the reasons, cut down the dissatisfaction.
Eliminate the reasons, eliminate the dissatisfaction.
🙂

I guess I was trying to say that not all kinds of discontent are bad... or unhealthy... or some kind of benchmark for mental health or stability...

and it's not the other way around either—like being happy is a guaranteed sign of health... that's just silly stuff... don't want to be too superficial, my point is...

Chloe Barnes8 said:I guess I was trying to say that not all kinds of discontent are bad... or unhealthy... or some kind of benchmark for mental health or stability...

and it's not the other way around either—like being happy is a guaranteed sign of health... that's just silly stuff... don't want to be too superficial, my point is...

It actually is pretty serious. Usually, the root cause stems from something toxic in a relationship—whether that’s with someone else or just how you deal with yourself.
Dismissing any kind of discontent is superficial, even if it feels minor. I'm not saying you need to throw a tantrum over every little thing....
But if you feel like it's trivial, or that there are "bigger issues" to tackle first, you end up pushing those feelings aside. You think you're being productive by focusing elsewhere, but that suppressed feeling doesn't just vanish; it sits there, waiting for an opening or a moment of support, and it grows.

By asking that, you're basically questioning whether one's level of self-satisfaction dictates the need for professional help...

It definitely influences the need for support. Whether that means seeing a therapist, a psychiatrist, or just trying self-help... well, that comes down to choice, capability, intensity, and how much you reflect on it...

🤷 ...that's just my point.

Yeah, I totally get where you're coming from..

I guess I was just a little worried about us heading down that path—you know, chasing that endless "state of pure bliss" thing. Honestly, that feels kind of psychologically unhealthy to me...

I mean, let's be real, life is basically just one long string of inconveniences and frustrations. It starts the second you wake up (like, when you're absolutely exhausted and just *really* want to stay under the covers) and it goes all the way until right before you drift off (you know, those moments when you start spiraling over existential stuff that actually matters to a ton of people, like, "will I have enough left this month to cover my electric bill and rent")...

In my opinion, how much discomfort we can actually tolerate, or how we deal with it, is pretty much the benchmark for our mental health...

Because, seriously, what are we supposed to do about the things we can't control?

What if you're dealing with a chronic illness that you're fighting your whole life? Like, if someone is managing diabetes, "just" dealing with it... man, that complicates everything. Or what if there's some heavy situation in your family that you had zero say in, but you just have to live with it...

At that point, you just have to accept the frustration and find a way to exist alongside it...

Chloe Barnes8 said:Yeah, I totally get where you're coming from..

I guess I was just a little worried about us heading down that path—you know, chasing that endless "state of pure bliss" thing. Honestly, that feels kind of psychologically unhealthy to me...

I mean, let's be real, life is basically just one long string of inconveniences and frustrations. It starts the second you wake up (like, when you're absolutely exhausted and just *really* want to stay under the covers) and it goes all the way until right before you drift off (you know, those moments when you start spiraling over existential stuff that actually matters to a ton of people, like, "will I have enough left this month to cover my electric bill and rent")...

In my opinion, how much discomfort we can actually tolerate, or how we deal with it, is pretty much the benchmark for our mental health...

Because, seriously, what are we supposed to do about the things we can't control?

What if you're dealing with a chronic illness that you're fighting your whole life? Like, if someone is managing diabetes, "just" dealing with it... man, that complicates everything. Or what if there's some heavy situation in your family that you had zero say in, but you just have to live with it...

At that point, you just have to accept the frustration and find a way to exist alongside it...

Things out of our hands are simply beyond our reach...?
Please.
You take them as they come; there's no point in making a scene over them.
Though I still wouldn't agree with being stuck in that constant state of discontent.
If you can't change something, why bother getting worked up? It’s outside your power. Being pissed off or frustrated by it doesn't solve a damn thing.
Real frustration actually comes from the things we *can* influence—the stuff we should be shaping or changing—but we choose not to.
So, ultimately, you end up being frustrated with yourself. You aren't shifting the blame onto someone else. What's the point? Every single second, you could have taken action, and right now... you aren't. That's where the frustration lives.
I had something else to say but I totally blanked.
Probably something about tolerance...

Sandra Parker3 said:Things out of our hands are simply beyond our reach...?
Please.
You take them as they come; there's no point in making a scene over them.
Though I still wouldn't agree with being stuck in that constant state of discontent.
If you can't change something, why bother getting worked up? It’s outside your power. Being pissed off or frustrated by it doesn't solve a damn thing.
Real frustration actually comes from the things we *can* influence—the stuff we should be shaping or changing—but we choose not to.
So, ultimately, you end up being frustrated with yourself. You aren't shifting the blame onto someone else. What's the point? Every single second, you could have taken action, and right now... you aren't. That's where the frustration lives.
I had something else to say but I totally blanked.
Probably something about tolerance...

I completely agree with this.

Dissatisfaction is fine if, say, you're frustrated because your paycheck at Starbucks is too small, so you work harder or find a better job. Only in those specific cases.

But being unhappy about things we have zero control over? Well, we always have control over ourselves; we can change how we react to it. I've been unhappy with my family situation. I'm learning that I'm an adult now and there's no reason to let it get to me. Adults choose to enter relationships that suit them. Mine don't. So, I'm distancing myself.

Can someone please explain what happened with Mack in Boots? That was actually my favorite picture book growing up.

Honestly, I can't even remember the price.

It’s probably a good thing they didn't push The Little Mermaid or Snow White on us eight years ago.🙂

There was this psychologist who developed the concept of the "life script," and he once had a patient—a woman perpetually struggling with her romantic choices. It suddenly dawned on him that she was essentially living out the story of Little Red Riding Hood. Her pattern was quite predictable: lure in a man, rip open his stomach, stuff him with rocks, and toss him down a well.

I actually saw a version of this play out with my cousin. Her fiancé basically dumped her right in the middle of a massive economic recession after handing her a pile of cash and asking her to exchange it for some different currency. She played along with the manipulation just long enough to turn a decent profit, then handed the money back and told him, quite triumphantly, to go handle his own affairs. Her specific "life script" was more akin to the Three Little Pigs; they spent their whole lives frantically building walls just to hide from the wolf.
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So, you ladies can probably draw your own conclusions. For instance, my younger sister, who has spent her entire life chasing after buff bikers, is clearly following the Sleeping Beauty script. Of course, that guy on the motorcycle—his modern-day horse—never actually managed to wake her up, because usually, a loud engine is just an upgrade for a mediocre... 🤷

Puss in Boots? Honestly, I think Cinderella and Color would fare much better. Look, Arna... I understand the core essence of these things, but the granular details don't particularly interest me; I am, after all, a woman of science rather than psychology.

By the way, my own tendency leans toward Oscar Wilde: The Fisherman and His Soul. First, he cut himself away just to live alongside a mermaid, believing sea creatures were devoid of souls. Consequently, she wandered endlessly, witnessing everything and experiencing it all, eventually deceiving him by requesting to experience being part of him one last time. The thing is, you can only excise your soul once...