Can psychology actually help fix relationship issues?

Not at all. Not now.

Later... once you finally come to your senses... yeah.
Then you can try fixing the mess you made just because you enjoyed that little rush.

That’s exactly what the primal brain is capable of doing.🙄

Could we argue that we’re currently living in an era driven primarily by primal instinct when it comes to finding a partner, especially since marriages aren't really arranged through social contracts anymore?

Nowadays, that rational, calculated element we used to rely on seems to have taken a backseat to pure, raw impulse.

Not really. Just my two cents.
You have to account for the rational side of things.
Marriages—or domestic partnerships, if you prefer—aren't arranged like they used to be, but those kinds of agreements are becoming more common again.
Honestly, I’m not entirely sure how much impact they actually have.

The whole internal structure of marriage and relationships is shifting, and it’s hard to say who’s actually keeping up with the changes 🤷

We could also approach the question from this angle: what actually constitutes the core foundation of attraction?
Is it driven by pure instinct—genetics and raw impulse—or is it something we’ve learned through social conditioning, such as etiquette, upbringing, or even rational decision-making?

When I find someone attractive—and I am specifically referring to sexual attraction here—is it the result of a logical calculation, an exercise in social maneuvering, or is it simply those seemingly primal, physical, and instinctual traits?

Or perhaps it's just a gut feeling...

I don’t know, I’ve just never really been someone who finds people attractive purely on a sexual level, totally isolated from everything else going on in their head.
Even those feelings of "crushing" on someone always felt way too intense for me.
Sometimes one side takes the lead and sometimes the other does, but at the end of the day, I just can't seem to untangle raw instinct from actual logic.

I'm not talking about some kind of clean break or a sharp division, if that's what you mean.

Mišung actually means 😁

It’s not really a "mix," I wouldn't go with that word—it doesn't actually mean anything.

So, what would you call it?

Perhaps this could be interpreted as me suggesting that primal drives are at play here—or at least, that they play a much more significant role than we might initially assume...

I honestly couldn't say...

When I really sit down to contemplate the concept of appeal—taking it broadly, perhaps even through the lens of fine art—it strikes me that one's upbringing is truly the fundamental key to what we find attractive...

Perhaps it’s a little bit of everything when it comes to human relationships, though I suppose that really depends on what one is ultimately looking for out of life—whether you're seeking something fleeting, something lasting, or anything in between...
It really comes down to whether we are looking at the consequence of what was intended, or if we are dissecting the root cause—be it a deliberate, rational choice or an entirely irrational failure to act...

nimblepilot29 said:Perhaps this could be interpreted as me suggesting that primal drives are at play here—or at least, that they play a much more significant role than we might initially assume...

I honestly couldn't say...

When I really sit down to contemplate the concept of appeal—taking it broadly, perhaps even through the lens of fine art—it strikes me that one's upbringing is truly the fundamental key to what we find attractive...

Perhaps it’s a little bit of everything when it comes to human relationships, though I suppose that really depends on what one is ultimately looking for out of life—whether you're seeking something fleeting, something lasting, or anything in between...
It really comes down to whether we are looking at the consequence of what was intended, or if we are dissecting the root cause—be it a deliberate, rational choice or an entirely irrational failure to act...

Man, you're really throwing me for a loop now.

Maybe you actually have a point. Our reactions are definitely driven more by instinct than we care to admit.
But why do we feel this desperate need to wrap everything up in some neat, rational package? Is that just our way of distancing ourselves from who we really are? And for what? Why do we try so hard to mask those primal urges behind logic when they're the very things driving our behavior and decisions in the first place?

Sandra Parker3 said:Man, you're really throwing me for a loop now.

Maybe you actually have a point. Our reactions are definitely driven more by instinct than we care to admit.
But why do we feel this desperate need to wrap everything up in some neat, rational package? Is that just our way of distancing ourselves from who we really are? And for what? Why do we try so hard to mask those primal urges behind logic when they're the very things driving our behavior and decisions in the first place?

I believe they call that a defense mechanism in psychology. Rationalization is definitely one of those mechanisms.
But what is the actual utility of these defense mechanisms?
We're essentially shielding ourselves from something.
Though, I'm not entirely sure if rationalization qualifies as a defense mechanism in this specific context.
Perhaps someone who actually studies psychology could weigh in on that.

As for why we mask our instincts, it's because we live in such a repressive civilization. We probably need an expert on Freud to elaborate on that part, too. That's how we end up becoming neurotic.

Maybe we are simply creatures that can't function outside of civilization because of the way our brain structures are wired...
Who knows.
These are some pretty heavy questions for this late at night...
I think I'll head to bed.
I'll be dreaming purely on instinct, free from all these social norms...
Goodnight 🙂

Angela Rogers2 will probably have an opinion on that since she loves over-rationalizing everything, but whatever 🙂

Chloe Barnes8 said:Times change, and so do the standards for what’s considered okay or even expected when it comes to gender roles... if those roles even need to exist at all, really...

Just a few decades ago, if a woman acted assertive, most psychologists or psychiatrists back then would have probably flagged it as being way too aggressive, maybe even "masculine," whereas today it's just a totally normal part of our social code... like...☕

And honestly, the same goes for men too... being a "macho man" isn't exactly an adaptive way to live, I don't think. It feels like psychology and counseling have actually made some strides here, really pushing for better communication and understanding needs between the genders...

If you were hitting a wall in your marriage or your relationship, would you immediately think about reaching out to a professional?
The real question is, how much faith would you actually have in someone being able to fix things for you?

I wouldn't place an ounce of trust in Theresa, truly not even a fraction. My reasoning is somewhat circular, perhaps, but I am quite certain that if any friction exists within my relationships, I am solely and exclusively the architect of my own misfortune. And if those problems persist—well, then they are simply necessary components of my existence. 🤷
After all, one must always have something to occupy the mind.

Christian Wells6 said:I wouldn't place an ounce of trust in Theresa, truly not even a fraction. My reasoning is somewhat circular, perhaps, but I am quite certain that if any friction exists within my relationships, I am solely and exclusively the architect of my own misfortune. And if those problems persist—well, then they are simply necessary components of my existence. 🤷
After all, one must always have something to occupy the mind.

Perfect. Realizing why we actually NEED certain problems.

nimblepilot29 said:I am my own proofreader 😁

But honestly, when you’re hit over the head—or rather, when you get struck right where it counts—that sudden, overwhelming surge of desire... does it really matter if the object of your longing can spell correctly, sits gracefully at the dinner table, or avoids making noise while they eat?

Well, that is precisely the only thing that matters. Because if it weren't, wouldn't the opposite reaction hit you just as hard?
People tend to move in herds, even if they prefer to call themselves a "social circle." Everyone belongs to one specific group, and most people spend their entire lives never stepping outside those boundaries.

For instance, in a crowd that prizes high-society etiquette and polished manners, I wouldn't last two minutes. On the other hand, in a crowd that spends its weekends listening to rowdy country music in a dive bar, I wouldn't even attempt it. Not even for a second.

What you’ve described is actually a way of determining whether someone truly belongs to your tribe or not.

By the way, I also believe it comes down to instinct. I recall a certain gentleman I was once enamored with—assuming I had any semblance of sanity at the time—with whom I wouldn't have even crossed a street. Sandra Parker3, it seems to me that this realization provides more than enough justification for being rational. It serves as a natural, built-in defense mechanism against a lifetime of sheer foolishness.

Christian Wells6 said:Well, that is precisely the only thing that matters. Because if it weren't, wouldn't the opposite reaction hit you just as hard?
People tend to move in herds, even if they prefer to call themselves a "social circle." Everyone belongs to one specific group, and most people spend their entire lives never stepping outside those boundaries.

For instance, in a crowd that prizes high-society etiquette and polished manners, I wouldn't last two minutes. On the other hand, in a crowd that spends its weekends listening to rowdy country music in a dive bar, I wouldn't even attempt it. Not even for a second.

What you’ve described is actually a way of determining whether someone truly belongs to your tribe or not.

By the way, I also believe it comes down to instinct. I recall a certain gentleman I was once enamored with—assuming I had any semblance of sanity at the time—with whom I wouldn't have even crossed a street. Sandra Parker3, it seems to me that this realization provides more than enough justification for being rational. It serves as a natural, built-in defense mechanism against a lifetime of sheer foolishness.

You're missing out big time, 😉

or maybe you aren't if you're constantly surrounded by dozens of interesting, exciting people. But if it’s been ages since you actually felt a spark, or haven't even been excited by a new friend, then yeah, loosening up your standards would be pretty useful.

As for... well, I wouldn't touch that furniture either. At least for now.🤷

heheheh Sandra Parker3
Rationalization is basically just when you hunt for an excuse for something you did mostly on instinct, trying to justify it to yourself first and then to everyone else later.
And let's be real, the most common rationalization is when you're being a total jerk to someone and then claim, "I'm doing this for your own good." 😉 😁

We're essentially pack animals, and all those evolutionary factors have shaped us so that we can't really function without each other.

Now, it all depends on what pulls you in. Personally, I find muscular meatheads pretty gross. I was just watching Big Brother earlier, and Steve is absolutely unattractive and just an unpleasant guy to watch. I'm sure some woman out there looks at him and sees a literal Apollo. We humans have gotten really good at honing our specific "tools." For instance, one person might be charmed by someone with a great ear for music, another by a math whiz, someone else by a fashionista, or maybe a coin collector... but all of that is just displaying some kind of genetic blueprint—a specific skill set that you find attractive because you want to experience it or maybe pass it down to your kids.
There are so many different factors playing a huge role in why two people are attracted to each other.
I don't personally buy into the whole pheromone thing; unless someone can actually provide a solid, evidence-based argument for how they work, I'll probably just take it with a grain of salt. 🤷

But I have to wonder, if someone struggles to find a partner for a long time, could a psychologist or a psychiatrist actually fix that issue?

Heheheh desetka, I know what rationalization is, but we all got way too tangled up in this mess, so we needed an outsider—someone like you—to untangle things... 🙄

The muscles look fake to me, honestly, the whole guy just seems off, so I have no idea who Steve is or why we're even bringing him into this now.
It feels weird to me, trying to define attraction based on traits you eventually want to pass down to your kids. Is that actually instinctual, or just some overly calculated approach?

Pheromones? I’m not convinced they actually do anything.
And I don't mean those cheap stuff products people peddle to make a quick buck, haha... 😁

Honestly, nobody can really fix this. You need shows like *Everybody Loves Raymond*—something where you can actually observe how people navigate marriage. Because if you're acting the way you are, I guess even Freud couldn't help you at this point. 😁😁😁

Maybe some marriage counselors can help out when it comes to minor disagreements, but I always end up saying the same thing: a person's character is pretty much their destiny. So, if we're talking about a hardcore, deep-seated issue... 🤷

Jerry Martinez5 said:But I have to wonder, if someone struggles to find a partner for a long time, could a psychologist or a psychiatrist actually fix that issue?

What are you even getting at?
Sure, they can't just magically manifest a partner, but if there's an underlying issue within the person itself...
they need to work through it with a therapist or a psychiatrist... unless they want to keep doing things the hard way.
That’s how you clear the path toward, I don't know, finding someone or actually building a relationship....

You know perfectly well a psychiatrist isn't going to wave a magic wand and solve everything for them... I honestly don't get why you're even asking this.