Living with depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder

The kind of expert help you can find around here? Honestly, all they’re really going to offer you is a prescription...

I need to talk. But I don't mean just venting to anyone to get things off my chest. I already have people in my life—a boyfriend, good friends... they're great, but they can't truly help me when they don't understand why I feel this way. I was wondering if seeing a therapist might be the answer instead. Is that how it works?...

Honestly, I’m not entirely sure—things might be looking up today, but looking back? A few years ago, when I sat down with my doctor at the time to ask who I could actually talk to about all this, she suggested checking out the counselor over at the campus health center—they have specialists for learning disabilities, even though my issues weren't really like that! She basically told me that, based on her diagnosis—which mostly involved her asking if I felt a little blue every single day—she could prescribe some mild antidepressants or maybe some sleep aids.🤷

If I were you, my best advice would be to dive into a creative hobby! It really helps build up that sense of self-confidence, you know? And, if this sadness you're feeling is just something that hits you every once in a while, maybe try picking up a self-help book. I know, I know—it sounds totally cheesy—but honestly, it beats just sitting around spiraling in self-pity!

Ugh. I’m not just sitting around wallowing... I am actually putting in the work. But I can't do this all on my own.

Hey, if you're looking for some spiritual guidance, maybe try heading over to a local church and having a heart-to-heart with someone there... 🙂
But honestly—and I mean this in the nicest way possible—medication isn't such a monster that you need to be terrified of it...

I wouldn't say I'm a religious person. Everyone needs something to hold onto just to keep going, especially when the world feels like a mess and nothing seems to make sense, but church isn't really my thing.
As for medication... usually, if I have a headache, I'll just take something to dull the pain. But regarding what’s happening now, is this actually physical—like a neurological issue—or is it psychological? I feel like we should be looking for the root cause rather than just treating the symptoms...

I mean, how are you even supposed to figure out what’s triggering your headache before you just reach for a pill?
Just take an antidepressant and—boom—it'll be gone. It really is that simple. 🙂

It’s not like I’m depressed all the time. It just hits me in waves. And honestly, these attacks are what really get to me...

wiredharbor22 said:I didn't get to finish my thought yesterday because I had to rush out, and I really didn't want to lose everything I'd already typed. Though, looking at this thread, it feels like nobody's actually reading it anyway. Oh well...

Anyway, what I really wanted to get off my chest—at least for now—is this constant fear of looking foolish. It holds me back in so many situations, especially when meeting new people, and even with friends I actually get along with. I just can't seem to fully relax and be myself, mostly because I'm terrified that who I am isn't quite good enough. I know the root cause of why I feel this way, but knowing it doesn't exactly help me fix the problem...

My question is: should I be looking for a therapist or some kind of professional help, and if so, where? Or if not, how do I handle this? Is this just a normal thing to deal with, or...?

So, try being stupid on purpose. Don't hide it. I could sit here and tell you that nobody cares—that most people are too preoccupied with their own shortcomings to notice yours—and I could draw you a diagram of how trivial it all is, but none of that matters until you experience it. You have to fail visibly to realize how little it affects anyone else.

A mindless example from my own life: back in high school, I once walked into class wearing my pants backward—pockets out. Looking back, I looked like a complete moron, but at the time, I thought it was hilarious. Truth is, nobody gave a damn.

Just lean into it. Start small. Wear a shirt that's objectively ridiculous, mess up your hair, crack a terrible joke... take it slow.

I’ve definitely had my moments like that. I remember showing up to school wearing those ridiculous animal slippers and stuff. It wasn't because I lacked intelligence; it was more about being a bit eccentric. I just wanted to stand out...
But take singing, for example. I love to sing, and I actually have a good voice. The thing is, whenever I have to perform in front of a crowd, the anxiety hits hard. It isn't just standard stage fright. It's this deep fear of looking foolish. That fear of making a mistake and having everyone realize I can't actually carry a tune...

I taught myself that lesson on my own. Even as a kid, I was always aware that I wasn't much to look at. I really internalized that... and eventually, I built up this defense mechanism where I figured if I couldn't be beautiful, I had to be the smartest person in the room. I couldn't afford to be anything else.

Sing poorly at someone.

wiredharbor22 said:It’s not like I’m depressed all the time. It just hits me in waves. And honestly, these attacks are what really get to me...

Honestly, it might just be PMS issues 😉
If you had actually reached out to a professional for some medical advice, they probably would have sent you straight to a specialist to get your thyroid checked out. And hey, you might actually feel a lot better knowing it’s a physical issue rather than worrying about a mental health diagnosis you think you might have...

By the way, are you drinking much? Or using any other substances?

wiredharbor22 said:I taught myself that lesson on my own. Even as a kid, I was always aware that I wasn't much to look at. I really internalized that... and eventually, I built up this defense mechanism where I figured if I couldn't be beautiful, I had to be the smartest person in the room. I couldn't afford to be anything else.

You hit the nail on the head—knowing where all that anxiety stems from doesn't actually change a thing.

Good grief. It’s not PMS. I know what my cycle feels like, and this isn't it. Do you experience panic attacks when you're dealing with PMS?
Maybe it's an issue with the gallbladder, for all I know...

placidranger said:You hit the nail on the head—knowing where all that anxiety stems from doesn't actually change a thing.

Exactly. I've been this way for most of my life and I can't just fix it on my own. I was talking to my boyfriend about it yesterday. He just told me to stop caring so much... essentially telling me to get over it. But it isn't that simple...

The PMS thing was just a joke—that’s what this 😉 smiley face was actually for!

I totally get those crying fits during my cycle, and honestly, I feel so bloated because of all the water retention, but yeah, that's probably off-topic... 😬

I'm being totally serious with you—you mentioned wanting someone to talk to, so here I am...

All I can really tell you is that you have the power to help yourself, mostly through staying disciplined and working on building up that self-confidence.🙂

wiredharbor22 said:Exactly. I've been this way for most of my life and I can't just fix it on my own. I was talking to my boyfriend about it yesterday. He just told me to stop caring so much... essentially telling me to get over it. But it isn't that simple...

People can undergo a total transformation in an instant; it isn't the insurmountable hurdle you're making it out to be.

Tell me, when you actually sit down to think about the singing side of things, what's the headspace like? How do you view the industry? What's the actual fallout if you "end up looking stupid"?

Having a boyfriend hasn't really done much for my self-confidence. I've even tried some other silly tactics...
How do you mean, through discipline?

Singing... I don't know. Every time I have to perform in front of people, my throat just tightens up. It feels like swallowing a stone. And now that I actually need to sing, I know that feeling is coming back. I can already see the judgment, or worse, the laughter. People looking at me like, "Wait, you think you can actually sing?" So, I think I'll just avoid singing in public altogether...
It's the same pattern with so many things. Someone will demonstrate a skill they have, and then turn to me and say, "Look what I can do, now you try." I firmly tell them no, because if I truly attempt it, I won't be able to do it. Does that make any sense at all?