Living with depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder

Guys don't actually build your self-confidence!

I mean, think about it—if you rely on a guy as one of your main support pillars, he can totally wreck your confidence if he slips up or messes with the trust you've built. You can't just lean on him to tell you how smart or gorgeous you are if, deep down in your gut, you don't actually believe it yourself.

Real confidence comes from discipline—like, telling yourself, "Okay, I am going to finally tackle this project I've been putting off for months (or even years!) right now, no matter what."
Or discipline in the sense of saying, "Tonight when I go out, I’m going to be outgoing and social instead of sitting there spiraling and thinking about how awkward I am."
Or even discipline regarding health—like deciding, "If I'm feeling unhappy with my weight, I'm going to stick to a solid fitness routine."

And along with all those little "action steps," you've gotta find ways to reward yourself once you start breaking those old, bad habits. Just take some time for yourself and move forward one tiny step at a time...

I brought him up because I’ve been there before. We’re just friends, but I’m actually in love with him while he doesn't feel the same way... I used to think that even though I’m a great person, I just wasn't attractive enough for anyone to want to be with me. But honestly, I am good-looking, sexy, and have so much going for me. It just doesn't seem to matter much right now...

wiredharbor22 said:Singing... I don't know. Every time I have to perform in front of people, my throat just tightens up. It feels like swallowing a stone. And now that I actually need to sing, I know that feeling is coming back. I can already see the judgment, or worse, the laughter. People looking at me like, "Wait, you think you can actually sing?" So, I think I'll just avoid singing in public altogether...
It's the same pattern with so many things. Someone will demonstrate a skill they have, and then turn to me and say, "Look what I can do, now you try." I firmly tell them no, because if I truly attempt it, I won't be able to do it. Does that make any sense at all?

Those are completely unrealistic predictions. It doesn't hold water. You might want to swap them out for something else.
If you want, try this technique:
Recall a moment when you felt genuinely confident—when you were totally sure of yourself. Visualize what you saw, heard, and felt. Get as specific as possible.
Now, imagine walking up to the microphone carrying that exact feeling, and notice how the situation shifts.
The interesting thing is that the brain doesn't really distinguish between reality and a vividly imagined scenario; that's how you build confidence. Your fear was built the same way—by constantly imagining how you'd mess everything up.

After that, you can visualize the absolute worst-case scenarios—what would happen if you actually did fail. That’s just to have a backup plan; it provides a layer of psychological security.

wiredharbor22 said:I brought him up because I’ve been there before. We’re just friends, but I’m actually in love with him while he doesn't feel the same way... I used to think that even though I’m a great person, I just wasn't attractive enough for anyone to want to be with me. But honestly, I am good-looking, sexy, and have so much going for me. It just doesn't seem to matter much right now...

Man, that is just plain sad.

Lawrence Bishop14 said:Man, that is just plain sad.

Why is that pathetic? Since when should her self-worth depend entirely on what some guy thinks of her?

I sing in the shower without a care in the world. I could probably find a way to put that to good use...

It isn’t that he doesn't mean anything to me, or that his words don't carry weight. It's just that when I look at him through my own lens, I see someone who is completely head over heels... blinded by love and unable to think straight, much like I am...

e, love the avatar. 😂

edit: might want to swap it out—not exactly great for the self-image 😉

I guess people just seem to love it when they 😕
It honestly breaks my heart whenever I see someone phrase things that way—and yeah, I know I mentioned earlier that she doesn't need a boyfriend just to feel good about herself, but the way she put it makes me actually feel bad for her guy... 🙂

edit: seriously, she’s overthinking everything and rationalizing every little thing, which is just going to drive the whole relationship straight into the ground...

My relationship isn't the issue here. It feels like you aren't even listening to me...

And why on earth would I even bother understanding you?

Look, we don't even know each other—we’ve literally only been messaging back and forth on this forum for the last half hour!

There isn't a single logical reason why I'd want to get where you're coming from, other than just being in a good mood—though honestly, my good mood is running low and I am just incredibly bored right now.😉

Look, I’m not asking you to understand me. If it doesn't mean anything to me, why would it matter to you? 😉
You just keep sending these messages, but there's nothing behind them...

Well, placidranger, you’ve inspired me to go out and find a new avatar...

wiredharbor22 said:Look, I’m not asking you to understand me. If it doesn't mean anything to me, why would it matter to you? 😉
You just keep sending these messages, but there's nothing behind them...

Your profile bio practically screams that you're just messing with everyone here, but despite that, I’ve still gone out of my way to give you actual answers and solid advice whenever you asked. 🙂

My very first piece of advice was to go see a doctor who can actually help you using real science—but I guess that's just not your vibe... 🤣

Honestly, I really think you wouldn't be dealing with half of these issues if you had a little bit of faith. 🙂 😉 😉 😉

🤣
I have no idea why you'd think I'm trying to mess with you. A signature? Everybody's free (to wear sunscreen)

Well, that’s all well and good—but have you actually decided that you want things to get better? 🙂

edit: upgraded my avatar 👍

Of course I want to feel better. That’s exactly why I came here to ask for advice...

That’s great! Honestly, though—it sounds a bit heavy, so maybe grab some professional advice just to be safe. 🙂 👋

Or should I just get drunk and forget about everything? haha
I guess we'll see...
Bye bye

Drowning your sorrows isn't going to fix anything—I know, because I've been there, and it's a dead end... you're better off seeing a doctor instead. They can actually help you settle down, trust me...👍

I’ve been battling depression for eight years now, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you can’t just "will" your way out of it alone. Sure, you can try to be more outgoing, sign up for a spin class, take some hip-hop dance lessons, or go hiking on the weekends—you can even give yourself a literal slap on the wrist every time you catch yourself staring at a wall for hours while blasting the same playlist on loop—but none of that actually touches the core issue. You could devour every single self-help book in the local library, too, but honestly? You need something much more heavy-duty to actually kick this thing to the curb. We're talking about something closer to a total brain reprogramming—something that forces you to stop following those broken, destructive patterns once and for all...🤷