William Scott18 said:quietranger14, I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through right now...
I haven't dealt with things quite as heavy as yours, but I was bullied back in middle school. I wasn't even short or weak, they just targeted me because they knew I wouldn't fight back...
By freshman year of high school, things got so dark that I almost dropped out. I fell into a deep clinical depression and even attempted suicide. Ironically, just when the bullying finally stopped, I hit rock bottom...
Now I’m a college freshman. I managed to pull myself out of that hole, met some people, and started getting my life together, but I still deal with so many issues I can't seem to fix...
Throughout high school, I spent all my time watching everyone else hooking up and being affectionate. It felt like being thirsty in a desert while someone else pours water out right in front of you...
I've realized that saying "love will come" is pretty hollow. I'm 19 now, and it feels like love only finds the people who are already well-connected or just incredibly lucky...
You have a boyfriend, which is great, but for me, I feel like I'll never find a girlfriend. Honestly, I feel like I might end it all sooner or later... it's hard to live knowing that...
I just keep thinking everything would've been different if that bullying hadn't happened...
Whoa, hold on a second.
Let's take a beat and look at the big picture here.
Basically, I was looked down on and physically picked on back in middle school, and by high school, people just hated me or avoided me—which honestly terrified me. Then, two years ago, I ran into an old classmate and we grabbed coffee. During our chat, I asked him why nobody ever wanted to hang out with me back then, and he just told me straight: it's because you were weird, and because you didn't try to hang out with anyone either.
I kept playing that conversation over in my head until it hit me—he was right. I don't blame anyone else for it; at the time, I just didn't know any better. I didn't know how to approach people, and even when someone did try to reach out, I’d find a way to screw it up. It was the same thing with guys. I was partially responsible for my own isolation (with some help from my dad).
But college gave me a clean slate. I'm lucky enough to be surrounded by decent people worth putting effort into, so I actually put in the work. I try to be different—I push past the anxiety, strike up conversations, and realize that everything is fine. People actually like me and respect me (obviously not everyone, because that's impossible), and they want to hang out—and that didn't just happen by magic. You have to make it happen.
For instance, I was the one who texted my current boyfriend first, and wouldn't you know it, he liked it, and we've been together for over two years now. And if it eats at you that you haven't had a girlfriend yet, or slept with anyone, let me tell you—my boyfriend was a virgin until he was 20. I was his first, and I'm honestly really happy about that.
The point is, you have to work for what you want because good things don't just fall into your lap. Now you have this chance at college to start over. Nobody there knows you—they don't know you were bullied, or that you've never had a girlfriend, or that you're withdrawn. That's stuff only you know, unless you choose to share it with certain people.
At my university, nobody knows what I went through—that my father was abusive, that I attempted suicide, or that I struggled with depression. Nobody even knows I've been overeating lately; when people ask if I've put on weight, I just say yes, so what?
No one ever needs to know what's going on inside my head. And I've managed it—everyone thinks I'm the happiest person on earth.
You can do this. I believe in you.😘
