Forgiveness: Is it a sign of weakness or strength?

Forgiving isn't about being weak; it’s actually a sign of strength. It isn't foolishness either, but true wisdom. At its core, forgiveness is just noble. In the American Christian tradition, it's a fundamental concept. But it isn't something you'd find in the Star Valley. We know the old way was "an eye for an eye," a principle rooted in ancient paganism where revenge was just a normal part of life—a way to build identity and settle the score. Christianity introduced forgiveness as something new. But they couldn't have made it a cornerstone of the faith if humans didn't already have this deep-seated need for mercy and goodness. Just like revenge comes from aggression, forgiveness grows from our innate capacity for kindness.

Everyone feels that itch to get even, but there's an even stronger pull toward letting go. It’s all about resolving that hatred that stems from our more destructive side. Honestly, hating someone hurts you way more than it hurts them. When we hold onto a grudge, we basically infect ourselves with bitterness, and it just makes us miserable. If you're focused on hate, you can't see or experience anything good happening around you. Forgiveness is the best cure for that. One thing though: forgiving shouldn't be confused with forgetting. They aren't the same thing at all. If you just forget, you haven't actually forgiven; you've either brushed it off because it didn't matter, or you've just suppressed it. And suppressing things is dangerous. That stuff always comes back later, usually much more aggressive than before. Unlike hate, real forgiveness requires some heavy lifting psychologically. You have to look inward, face yourself, and tap into your own capacity for love. It’s about making the bad stuff feel smaller and less significant. Ultimately, being able to forgive shows how strong your character is and how healthy your ego is. It’s a sign of mature defense mechanisms. While suppression is a primitive way to cope, things like altruism, sublimation, and even humor are much more advanced ways to process pain through forgiveness. If you want to test your own maturity, look at how willing you are to let things go—and also how willing others are to let things go with you. People often mistake forgiveness for weakness, but it's actually the exact opposite.

Depends on what you’re supposed to be apologizing for.
If hatred is just as intense an emotion as love,
- then yeah,
you might as well be asking someone to fall in love on command.

And honestly, what’s wrong with just letting go?
A little holy amnesia...
just fuck it and move on.😬

William Williams27 said:Everyone feels the urge to seek justice, yet there is an even deeper necessity to offer forgiveness.

Forgiveness takes time. You cannot force oneself to forgive any more than you can force hatred to turn into love.

Forgiveness requires two people.

If you only look at forgiveness from the perspective of the one granting it, you’re essentially standing alone in an empty room.
You don't need some new contract or a formal vow to forgive—forgiveness isn't something you read about in a book or study like a textbook; it’s something you actually experience through living.
Most importantly, forgiveness has to serve a purpose and actually impact the person who was forgiven. Otherwise, it's just a way to run away from the problem rather than facing it.

labellina said:It really depends on what you’re trying to forgive.
If we’re talking about hatred, that’s just as intense an emotion as love is,
—and it is,
so asking someone to just switch it off is like asking them to consciously decide to fall in love on command.

And honestly, what’s the harm in just letting it go?
There's a certain kind of holy forgetting
that lets you just... move the hell on 😬 and keep living your life.

See, I don't think love is strictly an emotion. It might show up through our feelings, sure, but it’s something deeper than that. Love and being "in love" aren't even the same thing.

As for the rest of this topic, I think I'll pass on writing too much about it. I don't want people thinking I'm some deep philosopher when I'm really just rambling along.😁 😉.

Forgiveness is a beautiful thing, sure, but honestly? It’s just plain foolish to hand it out to someone who hasn't actually earned it.

labellina said:if hatred is an intense emotion, just like love

as mistyscout2 put it—love isn't really an emotion 😍
and hatred doesn't even exist 😉
much like forgiveness, weakness, or strength... 😁
they're all just constructs we manufacture—one person calls it forgiveness, another sees it as strength, depending entirely on how they want to frame it in the moment.. 😁

I truly believe most of us like to think of ourselves as forgiving people.
But let me throw a question out there: what if someone takes your child, or your parent, from you?
Would we actually be capable of finding forgiveness then?

It’s easy enough to give a quick yes or no right now—but honestly, I don't think any of us will ever truly know until we're faced with something that devastating... and I sincerely hope none of us ever has to face a test like that.

Ouroboros said:considering forgiveness solely from the perspective of the one granting it—I feel utterly lost in this world.
you don't need some new testament to find forgiveness—forgiveness isn't something you read about, nor is it something you study; it’s something you actually live through.

👍
Forgiveness requires strength—but specifically in this sense—that in order to truly let go, you first have to forgive yourself for the very act of forgiving... or for intending to. Essentially, you have to break down your own ego and that stubborn internal resistance that refuses to grant mercy.
Every subsequent act of forgiveness becomes a little easier, because we've "learned" how to do it. But then again, there wouldn't be any point to it if there wasn't a "reward" waiting on the other side in the form of pure, unburdened relief.

So, I basically bust my ass working for this company all month, and now my boss is trying to stiff me on my paycheck. Am I just supposed to let that slide?
Not a chance. Honestly, a little cold-blooded revenge is way better for my stress levels anyway. 😈

I tend to view forgiveness as an act we perform for our own sake rather than a favor for someone else. It’s quite simple, really: when someone treats us poorly or causes us harm, they essentially pass off a certain amount of "negative energy" to us. If we refuse to forgive, we end up hoarding that toxicity within ourselves, obsessing over revenge and nursing old wounds. Eventually, we find ourselves sitting in my grandfather's old recliner—a man who grew bitter toward the entire world because he spent decades clutching onto that same resentment. And who would have guessed ( 🙄 ) that he ended up dealing with stomach ulcers several times because of it?
When we choose to forgive, we are essentially "releasing sins," to borrow a phrase from a certain preacher; we are letting go of that "negative energy" someone else tried to dump on us. Therefore, in my estimation, forgiveness isn't some grand service we provide to the person who wronged us—though I suppose it can be viewed that way—but rather a primary method of liberating OURSELVES from that malice. We simply let it go.

I hope I haven't wandered too far off my point 🙂

David Miller15 said:I really hope I didn't make myself sound more confused than I actually am... 🙂

🙂 you aren't

darkfalcon47 said:So, I work my tail off all month, and then my boss just refuses to pay me? And I'm supposed to just let it slide?
Not happening. Personally, I find that a little cold-blooded revenge is a great way to blow off steam. 😈

The question isn't really about whether it relieves stress; it’s more about finding a practical solution to the problem at hand. In cases like this, forgiveness isn't necessary. If you just forgive them, you're essentially giving people like that permission to keep acting poorly. In this specific scenario, taking action is morally justified if it helps stop the company from exploiting its employees.

Nothing in life is strictly black or white, and forgiveness is no exception. I don't believe that forgiving is always the right move... it really just depends on the circumstances.

Druid said:Love isn't an emotion. It can show up through emotions, sure, but it isn't one. Love and being "in love" are two different things entirely.

Regarding the topic—I won't get too deep into it because I tend to overthink things, and my brand of philosophy isn't exactly groundbreaking 😁 😉.

EVFO, I’m with you—especially on that first point. It’s like you took the words right out of my mouth. It honestly drives me crazy when people try to pigeonhole love as just some fleeting feeling.
But hey, I'll let it slide; sometimes people just don't see the bigger picture. 😁

Speaking from experience regarding forgiveness: to truly forgive, you have to climb over certain emotional hurdles—anger, pride, and all that. But there's a crucial part to it (and these two things are totally intertwined) that involves the intellect—the mental aspect. Once you can deconstruct a situation, without letting those nagging negative memories cloud your judgment, you can move past it. When someone hurts you, it starts on an emotional level—even if the injury was physical in the past, the sting lives on through current emotions. My take? You need to shift the situation to a mental level. Analyzing it logically can actually make forgiving much easier.

And through all that understanding, love is what helps. (Again, love isn't an emotion, though it expresses itself through feelings, thoughts, or even physical actions.)

Some people need time to get there, others don't—it's not a rule. Personally, I still need time for certain things, though thank God, it happens more quickly than it used to.
The ultimate goal should be that sense of "emotional mastery"—reaching a point where you don't even put yourself in a position to hold a grudge, which means there's nothing left to forgive.
Man, that is a beautiful way to live. That is a wonderful state of being.

So, when you are that grounded—so realistic, so deep, and so attentive that you express love so fully that even when someone "wronged" you, you don't feel resentment, anger, or any of those negative thought patterns—then you have nothing to forgive. Now, don't expect to hit that level by tomorrow or even next year. But regardless, it’s always worth striving for.

Petar Popara Crni said:It isn't really about whether it relieves your stress—it’s more about finding a practical solution to the problem at hand. In scenarios like this, forgiveness isn't mandatory; in fact, by forgiving too easily, we essentially give people permission to keep acting poorly. In this specific instance, taking action to prevent further exploitation of employees within that company is absolutely morally justified.

Since nothing in life is purely black or white, forgiveness isn't exempt from that rule either. I don't believe that forgiving is always the right move... it really depends on the context.

In this situation, and honestly in any other, I think the smartest path for everyone involved is to forgive. However—and it's important to make this distinction—forgiving someone for something like withholding wages doesn't mean you stop fighting for what you're owed using every ethical means available.

If those ethical avenues fail, then it might be best to walk away—both for your own sake and for theirs—because at some fundamental level (one we aren't even consciously aware of), things tend to balance out eventually.

So, to reiterate: forgiving someone doesn't mean you're letting them off the hook. For example, if you have violent criminals, forgiving them doesn't mean you abandon the pursuit of putting them behind bars. Choosing not to pursue an action that they might find unpleasant in the moment has nothing to do with the act of forgiveness itself.

That said, when we truly forgive, we don't seek vengeance. You could perhaps even draw a parallel there to the debate over the death penalty. From a certain perspective, capital punishment is simply society's way of seeking retribution against individuals who have committed heinous acts—acts that society, through the legal system, has clearly decided not to forgive.

I don't mean to be a nuisance by posting for the third time in a row, but after reading what Polifimija wrote, I was reminded of something else. I completely agree with her point—in fact, I echo it—but I’d like to add a touch of esotericism to the conversation, some information you won't hear discussed in everyday American circles.

When someone causes harm to another, they have performed an act of poor quality—what we call a "bad deed." According to the law of cause and effect, or karma, that negativity will eventually circle back to them. Whether it happens tomorrow or twenty years from now, or even in a future life, that bad deed returns to them in accordance with that impersonal law. They will face the karmic consequences.
However, if the person who was wronged chooses to forgive, the weight of those karmic consequences will be lessened—or so says Benjamin Creme. In that sense, forgiving someone is actually a profound favor to the person being forgiven as well.

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Yes, the hiker hit the nail on the head there. Forgiveness requires strength. It takes real effort to pull oneself together. It truly does. (That strength is essentially what's needed to overcome our own emotional barriers that prevent us from letting go.)

Goodbyes are overrated.

Oh, please—it looks like everyone here isn't just handing out forgiveness like candy; it feels more like people are just turning a blind eye. Honestly, this sudden rush to forgive everything, no matter how bad the offense was, just doesn't ring true to me. It feels incredibly forced, almost like some overly polished, high-society melodrama rather than anything real.

Forgiveness is really about finding peace within oneself rather than settling any score. When someone chooses to let go, they finally release the heavy burden of resentment and anger, which allows them to find true tranquility. On the other hand, some people approach forgiveness as a way to feel morally superior, using it to feed their own ego under the guise of being noble. Ultimately, forgiveness is an internal process tied to how we view ourselves. In most cases, the person we decide to forgive isn't even aware of it and likely wouldn't care if they were.

To me, it feels pretty obvious that both forgiveness and making mistakes are just fundamental parts of being human. Honestly, I can’t even wrap my head around how the world would actually function without them... it would be chaos. My only real hang-up here—or maybe it’s better to say what catches me off guard—is how we talk about forgiveness in such broad, sweeping strokes. It’s almost treated like this universal, unconditional "just forgive" button, regardless of what actually happened...