Forgiveness: Is it a sign of weakness or strength?

William Williams27 · 2006-10-06T14:23:39+00:00

Forgiving isn't about being weak; it’s actually a sign of strength. It isn't foolishness either, but true wisdom. At its core, forgiveness is just noble. In th…

Harold Adams5 Active Member

102 messages
joined Feb 2008

#101 · Oct 11, 2006

Harold Adams5 said:That’s an interesting point you made. My cat is one of those types that just goes for the attack, regardless of who the opponent is. It’s actually pretty wild to watch. 😲

🙂
So what would my prevention strategy look like?
( Staying in a bunker? )

Harold Adams5 Active Member

102 messages
joined Feb 2008

#102 · Oct 11, 2006

Harold Adams5 said:There you go. That was your choice. And I’m sure you’re feeling pretty peaceful about it.
I suppose I have a bit of a vengeful streak myself. But honestly? Why would I hold a grudge against someone who probably didn't even mean to hurt my feelings? People are clumsy with their words and impulsive in their actions all the time, usually without a single malicious thought in their heads.

Oh, I’m peaceful enough. It’s the other side that isn't.
(Sometimes leaving things unsaid is actually worse than a shouting match. You leave the other person drowning in negative energy and a million unanswered questions.)

And let's be real—being ignored hurts.
It’s just a more sophisticated kind of malice. A much classier way to get revenge.😁

mistybison Regular

495 messages
joined Aug 2008

#103 · Oct 12, 2006

labellina said:I stay calm, but the other person doesn't.
(Leaving things unsaid can be worse than an actual argument because the other side is left with nothing but negative energy and endless questions)

And being ignored hurts too,
making it a more subtle form of malice or revenge.😁

👍
I also rely on the cold shoulder and silence. 😁 Engaging in open conflict simply isn't my style; it feels incredibly uncomfortable, so I only resort to it in rare instances where avoidance is impossible. 😉 Revenge comes in many forms, some quite subtle, just as forgiveness does. 🙂 Ultimately, it is all part of being human.

Sean Cook2 Member

46 messages
joined Oct 2006

#104 · Oct 12, 2006

Sean Cook2 said:And there you have it—my apologies at the start of a post usually vanish by the end. 😉 Apparently, forgiveness doesn't require much time after all.
Consider me an expert on the subject—feel free to reach out if you need any advice...

🙂
How charming.

crimsonhound80 Active Member

175 messages
joined Mar 2008

#105 · Oct 12, 2006

crimsonhound80 said:Look, would you actually feel good about it, or is it just this burning desire for revenge making you think that?

Well, I know myself pretty well—I’ve spent enough time digging through my own head—and I’d feel COMFORTABLE (exactly like I said before), not necessarily "good."
The distinction matters, I guess... "comfort" is just a momentary sensation that wouldn't leave any lasting scars on my psyche or mess with my overall sense of WELL-BEING as a whole person 🙄

labellina said:animals in a state of panic or fear react in three ways:
-playing dead
-attacking
-fleeing
and humans are much the same, depending on who they're up against and what they're capable of

Actually, with people, there’s this other layer to fear—this "freezing" thing—where you just become completely incapable of reacting to a stressful situation (you know, that moment where you get so terrified you can't even move an inch? Yeah, I've definitely been there.) 😁

Kyle Nelson2 Regular

475 messages
joined Jun 2008

#106 · Oct 12, 2006

Look...
If you aren't even sure if the other person is going to screw up again—then forgiving them is just plain stupid. It's a mistake.
And if you're "forgiving" someone just because that's how you were raised or because it's what people expect? I guess that's just a fancy way of saying you're too weak to handle the confrontation. It's an excuse to run away from the conflict.

In any other scenario, though? Yeah, forgiveness is strength.

Harold Adams5 Active Member

102 messages
joined Feb 2008

#107 · Oct 12, 2006

normall said:There’s another layer to fear that people often overlook: the "freeze" response. It’s that total inability to react when things go south—you know, where you get so terrified you can't even budge? Yeah, I've definitely been there myself. 😁

has
I've seen it too 😁
it falls right into that
"playing dead" category.

Harold Adams5 Active Member

102 messages
joined Feb 2008

#108 · Oct 12, 2006

Kyle Nelson2 said:forgive...
if you don't know whether the other person is just going to pull the same stunt again—that’s just being naive or plain stupid.
if you're forgiving them just because that's how you were raised or out of habit? That's just a fancy way of saying you're too weak to handle the conflict.

In any other scenario? Yeah, that takes actual strength.

And what exactly are those "other scenarios" you're talking about? 😁

Kyle Nelson2 Regular

475 messages
joined Jun 2008

#109 · Oct 12, 2006

Then you've got the ones that don't just shut those two out, but actually have that whole extra 'dimension' to them—where you're basically forgiving someone to get rid of your own resentment, or to settle some perceived debt they owe us, or maybe even just to forgive ourselves for whatever mess we made along the way.

William Williams27 MemberOP

21 messages
joined Oct 2006

#110 · Oct 25, 2006

Forgiving someone while still feeling that sting in your heart... man, that's tough. Is being kind actually a weakness? I can't decide.

If I really laid out everything on my mind right now, we'd be here all day, so I'll just hope you guys get where I'm coming from.

William Gonzalez3 Regular

276 messages
joined May 2009

#111 · Oct 28, 2006

People often say you need strength to forgive.
But honestly, I think someone who just forgives without consequence isn't being strong—they're actually being weak.
For instance, imagine if someone comes up behind me and hits me over the head with a ruler.
If I just shrug it off and forgive them because I want to be seen as this big, virtuous person—someone like Gandhi—well, that’s one way to look at it.
But then, what happens? They don't change. And the very next chance they get, they’re hitting me with that same ruler again.
By forgiving them so easily, I haven't shown strength; I've actually just weakened my own position. Instead of, say, making sure they couldn't hold a ruler in the first place—effectively neutralizing the threat—I played the saint, and all I did was invite them to hit me again.
I suppose forgiveness can only truly be an act of strength if it's paired with some kind of accountability or penalty.
And if that's the case... are we even really talking about forgiveness anymore?

amberviper39 Member

23 messages
joined Sep 2008

#112 · Oct 28, 2006

polyhymnia said:I look at forgiveness as something we do for ourselves, rather than a favor for someone else. It’s pretty simple: when someone does something "bad" to us, or hurts our feelings, it feels like they've dumped a certain amount of "negative energy" onto us. If we don't forgive, we just sit there holding onto that energy, obsessing over getting even and all that. Before you know it, you end up like my grandfather sitting in his old recliner—just a bitter man who spent decades nursing that resentment inside him. And honestly, who would have guessed ( 🙄 ) that he ended up dealing with stomach ulcers several times because of it?
When we actually forgive, we're basically "releasing sins," to borrow an expression, which really means we're letting go of that "negative energy" someone tried to pass off to us. So, to me, forgiving isn't some grand "service" we provide to the person who wronged us—I mean, I guess it is in a way, but my main focus is on how it frees US from that darkness. We just let it go.

I hope I didn't ramble too much trying to get this across 🙂

👍 Crystal clear! You didn't ramble at all; if anything, you just laid it out for everyone who still thinks forgiveness is a "favor" we owe to others. Hate and resentment don't destroy the person who hurt you; they just destroy the person carrying them.

amberviper39 Member

23 messages
joined Sep 2008

#113 · Oct 28, 2006

William Gonzalez3 said:[.

forgiveness is just a sign of weakness—it's what people do when they don't have the guts to get even.[/COLOR]

... or maybe it's a sign of wisdom...😍

William Gonzalez3 Regular

276 messages
joined May 2009

#114 · Oct 28, 2006

amberviper39 said:... or perhaps a sign of wisdom...😍

Based on what?

I mean, what’s actually wise about forgiveness?

Revenge—now that’s much more logical, I think.

Maybe once you've settled the score through revenge, then you can consider forgiveness.

But otherwise? Not really.

If someone hits me with a baseball bat, sure, I might forgive them eventually—but only after I’ve hit them back hard enough that they realize it’s better to just kill me next time than to try anything else.

So, if I were to use a bit of Lincoln-esque resolve and rhetoric here—
justice followed by forgiveness? Yes.
Forgiveness without justice? Absolutely not.

crimsonhound80 Active Member

175 messages
joined Mar 2008

#115 · Oct 29, 2006

crimsonhound80 said:so, if I were to employ some sort of mathematical resolve and—well, let's call it rhetoric—
[/COLOR]

😂 😂 😂 And honestly, this one is absolutely spot on. 😬 😬

Thomas Torres7 Newcomer

1 message
joined Oct 2006

#116 · Oct 31, 2006

If you could just wrap your head around this one idea—and I mean really sit with it—you’d realize that forgiveness is hands down the smartest move you can make, no matter how you slice it...

...here’s the thing...

When you don't forgive:
it basically means you're letting resentment take the driver's seat. You're handing over the keys to all those bitter, nasty feelings that—let's be honest—never, ever lead to anything good. You just end up building walls instead of closeness.

But when you forgive:
you're actually giving someone the chance to show you who they really are, beyond their mistakes... just think about it for a second—what would have happened to you if nobody had ever given *you* a second chance? A chance to fix a mess you made? You'd be stuck in a pretty dark place, wouldn't you? And honestly, that's the whole point here... you've got to look at every single issue from every possible angle.

...you have to step into their shoes and try to see the world through their eyes to truly grasp what went wrong... THAT is the golden rule, the absolute best way anyone should approach forgiveness—and it’s the most vital part of the whole process. If you do that, you can always find a way back to being close again... 🙂

Hannah Thomas13 Member

24 messages
joined Jul 2007

#117 · Nov 8, 2006

Thomas Torres7 said:if you could just keep this one thought in mind... you'd realize that forgiving someone is honestly the smartest move you can make, no matter how you look at it...

The thing is...

not forgiving:
it basically means letting resentment and all those heavy, negative vibes take over—feelings that never actually lead to anything good. you lose any chance at closeness.

forgiving:
it means giving people a shot to show who they really are under different circumstances... just think about where you'd be if nobody ever gave you a second chance... a chance to fix a mistake or make things right... that's the whole point. you have to look at every issue from multiple angles.

...you try to step into their shoes and see the situation through their eyes... THAT'S the way it should work when it comes to forgiveness—it’s the most important part. if you do that, you can always rebuild that connection... 🙂

Sure, but once you actually put yourself in their position and look at things from their perspective, you might just realize that the person is an idiot. They clearly have no clue what the actual problem is or even how to act right, and sometimes you just have to shut them down out of respect for everyone else.

Forgiveness shouldn't just be handed out; it has to be earned. Knowing exactly how much someone has actually earned that grace—that’s where the real wisdom lies.

Why would I even want to be close to someone who's acting like a total moron?

amberviper39 Member

23 messages
joined Sep 2008

#118 · Nov 8, 2006

Hannah Thomas13 said:Why on earth would I want to be close to someone who’s an idiot?

Look, forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to let them back into your inner circle. It sounds weird, I know, but honestly? We end up being way more tied to the people we hold grudges against. Because wherever that resentment goes, that person is right there with you. That's the real kicker.
You forgive primarily for your own sake—for your own peace of mind, really. It's about clearing the deck so you can actually move forward without all that heavy baggage dragging behind you.
A person stuck in bitterness... they're never truly free.
I remember reading this story once, I think it was in a book I had back in college, and it went something like this:

Two priests were traveling together toward their destination. They came up to a river and saw a woman standing there who needed to get to the other side, but she couldn't swim. The older priest didn't even hesitate; he just picked her up and carried her across the water.
Then they just kept walking.
The younger one stayed quiet for a long time, but eventually, he just couldn't take it anymore and asked the older man:

"Listen, I don't get it! Our faith tells us to avoid contact with women, and you just carried one in your arms!"

The older priest just looked at him and finally said:

"Well, I set her down by the river. But YOU'RE still carrying her around in your head!"

Forgiveness isn't really about religion or what you believe; it's about the person doing the forgiving. It makes you free.
That's just how I see it.🙂

lonegardener Regular

347 messages
joined Apr 2010

#119 · Nov 8, 2006

Forgiving someone can often be just another way of acting morally superior. Real forgiveness is quiet; you don't even realize you've done it because you don't even hold onto the debt anymore.

If you find yourself vividly remembering the moment you decided to forgive someone—especially if that memory gives you a little ego boost—there’s a good chance that self-satisfaction is actually the whole point, rather than true mercy.

It's pretty clear that people rarely truly forgive, which aligns with what we see in everyday life. When someone claims to be a forgiving person, they’re usually just burying grievances deep down. Those grudges just sit there waiting for the right moment to resurface—like during a massive blowout fight where someone suddenly drags up something they supposedly "forgave" twenty years ago.

Maybe only God can truly forgive, assuming He exists. For us humans, perhaps the best we can do is decide not to seek revenge, or simply try our hardest to forget the offense entirely. That’s enough. In fact, choosing to move on might be a lot healthier than pretending you've reached some state of perfect, saintly forgiveness.

Forgiveness: Is it a sign of weakness or strength?

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