Posts by hiddenhawk3

Nancy Fisher3 said:It seems to me that you and people like you don't have much to worry about,
it’s clear your housing and finances are already sorted if you have the luxury of time
to be this depressed during your mid-20s...😕

I just don't get it...
Focus on your career and your work, then whether you meet someone or not, it doesn't matter.
Forget the dating part...🤷

I second that.🤷

John Stewart9 said:even though I don't have nearly as much relationship experience as you do, what you just said hits home because it's actually one of my biggest fears: that I'll just "cool off" on a girl really fast. Usually, it goes like this—the girls who are actually intellectually compatible and interesting to talk to just don't do anything for me physically. And it works the exact same way the other way around, too: the ones who are physically stunning tend to scare me off with that specific mix of high self-confidence and total inner mediocrity, if I can even call it that... basically, I'd lose interest physically with the first group, and mentally with the second. That’s honestly why I’ve been playing things close to the chest with women for the last few years, even though my libido stays at a constant level... it’s this internal tug-of-war that just leaves me feeling frustrated...

inner mediocrity—that's the automatic disqualification I hand out to girls with great bodies but absolutely nothing to say when we actually sit down to talk😁 jokes aside, it genuinely shocks me sometimes when I see how many women, even those with Ivy League degrees, suffer from this plague... brand new designer heels, chasing after some "tall, dark, and handsome" guy, or posting those moody black-and-white selfies on Instagram to look all romantic and mysterious... it's like that's the entire extent of their world... how is anyone supposed to find a connection there?...

😠
John Stewart9, this is so gross it makes me sick.
so, what do you do for a living? win a Nobel Prize or something?

and do you actually find those hot, mediocre types attractive at all?

always "tall, dark, and handsome," huh?

Alex Thomas27 said:A psychiatrist out in rural Alabama is actually claiming that patients with mental health issues should be kept in the dark if they get diagnosed with cancer.

Honestly, who’s the crazy one here? Doesn't a patient have the basic right to know their own medical reality?

What would you guys do if you were stuck in that position? Say you're a nurse or a doctor and you're legally or ethically obligated to break that news to someone with a mental illness?

I guess not everyone handles things the same way. 🤷
People react differently to stuff, I suppose.

But then again, everyone should probably have the freedom to make their own life-altering decisions. 🤷

Some people are fighters, some aren't. Maybe.

Jesse Morales4 said:I decided to take a few extra credits during my sophomore year, and suddenly, all the girls I was close with freshman year have completely ghosted me. Honestly, I didn't go out of my way to force those friendships because I can't stand being gossiped about over something like that. It’s exhausting when someone tries to look down on you for being a "newcomer," acting like I'm some lower class of student, especially when that same person can barely string a coherent sentence together without making basic typos. Meeting new people feels daunting right now, and everything just feels pretty miserable. Is it normal to feel totally alone on campus? This whole 😢
situation is just draining my energy.

You should probably stay on good terms with people
just so you have access to study guides and info from those first-year crowds

But if you're looking for actual friends, I guess you can't really force that, whether it's at school or anywhere else🤷

brightridge59 said:She said it. 😁

I can't help but wonder why just discipline would necessitate someone else's involvement. On a side note, I have absolutely zero interest in life coaching; honestly, it feels like overpriced nonsense marketed toward superficial people who simply don't know where else to dump their cash. I certainly do. 😁

But then how else can any real change be achieved if not through motivation?

Quincy:

self-discipline is basically the ability to go ahead and do the things you really don't feel like doing. To put it simply... when you want to do something, you have motivation, but when you don't, you rely on self-discipline.😁

The thing is, there are usually several waypoints between the starting line and the finish line. Points D, E, and F might be quite pleasant, but points A, B, and C can be pretty grueling. 😁

My ultimate goal is still a long way off from where I am now, and there are quite a few uncomfortable steps in between. I wonder if those pleasant milestones down the road can serve as enough motivation to push through these unpleasant ones? 😁

Quincy:

practice self-denial.🤷

Piece of cake, right? 😬
Quincy:

Just take a look at a typical day of yours—isn't it made up of a whole string of activities you perform simply because you've developed discipline? Otherwise, you'd spend forever procrastinating on everything you need to do because you just didn't feel like it.

That's just muscle memory and habit, not true self-discipline. 😁

threats and penalties are probably the best motivation there is

I mean, if your life were actually on the line, you'd get stuff done, whether you wanted to or not.

Or maybe, if you're lucky, you just do things for yourself... for some sense of comfort or looking good.
Like brushing your teeth for more than three minutes.
Losing weight.
Cleaning the house.

I suppose that works for some people. 🤷

brightridge59 said:She said it. 😁

I can't help but wonder why just discipline would necessitate someone else's involvement. On a side note, I have absolutely zero interest in life coaching; honestly, it feels like overpriced nonsense marketed toward superficial people who simply don't know where else to dump their cash. I certainly do. 😁

But then how else can any real change be achieved if not through motivation?

Quincy:

self-discipline is basically the ability to go ahead and do the things you really don't feel like doing. To put it simply... when you want to do something, you have motivation, but when you don't, you rely on self-discipline.😁

The thing is, there are usually several waypoints between the starting line and the finish line. Points D, E, and F might be quite pleasant, but points A, B, and C can be pretty grueling. 😁

My ultimate goal is still a long way off from where I am now, and there are quite a few uncomfortable steps in between. I wonder if those pleasant milestones down the road can serve as enough motivation to push through these unpleasant ones? 😁

Quincy:

practice self-denial.🤷

Piece of cake, right? 😬
Quincy:

Just take a look at a typical day of yours—isn't it made up of a whole string of activities you perform simply because you've developed discipline? Otherwise, you'd spend forever procrastinating on everything you need to do because you just didn't feel like it.

That's just muscle memory and habit, not true self-discipline. 😁

Isn't that basically what discipline is?
Training yourself until you can just do things on autopilot, I guess. 🤷

@placidwolf27 if that's the case, he's probably hopeless. 🤣

Thomas Rodriguez14 said:Hey everyone! Hope I’m in the right spot for this—if not, mods, please feel free to move this thread. So, I'm looking for some advice on the best way to distance myself from someone? It's a girl I call a friend, and honestly, she isn't bad at all—actually, she's great—and we get along fine. But for some reason I can't quite put my finger on, I just want to drift away... you know, reach that "see ya later" stage. She hasn't actually done anything wrong or anything like that, but I just can't describe this vibe I get when I'm around her. Basically, I just want to create as much space as possible. What's the best way to handle this? Thanks in advance for any help!

So you want to ghost a friend? Why? I mean, you became friends for a reason... I guess I'd think about it a few times first, and if it really isn't working, I'd probably just tell her the truth. It might sting for a second, but honestly, the truth is usually better in the long run.🤷

Michelle Rodriguez said:Be selfish when no one is watching, but act selfless when the spotlight is on. We have to consider social perception because that's exactly what defines "what is better for the individual." Every person is also a unique entity capable of finding satisfaction in how society views them.

I assume we're talking about general altruism rather than how we treat our inner circle. If that's the case, in today's world, it feels like selfless equals naive plus foolish. It’s unfortunate. There are far too many people who won't appreciate your kindness and will gladly stab you in the back the moment they need something from you.

exactly....
It’s easy to play the hero when everyone is watching....
And it's easy to love someone when they're actually attractive and smart🤷

ambersailor85 said:So, what works out better for you personally: being selfish or being selfless? Assuming nobody else is watching or judging.
In my book, being selfless doesn't automatically make someone a "good" person—it can actually make them pretty naive, to be honest.

I think being selfish is actually healthier, I guess.🤷

You can't really love someone else if you haven't learned how to love yourself and set boundaries first.🤷

A person can't just keep giving, otherwise they'll probably burn out way too fast.🤷

I guess I have a soft spot for the selfless types😍

They're pretty rare, and honestly, they usually seem to be the smarter ones too🙂

you aren't the only one 😳

then you go and push away the guy you actually like and end up acting like a total idiot 😠

self-destruction

Dennis Hernandez52 said:It’s possible to have everything laid out in front of you and still feel like your life is a total wash, simply because you can't find peace within yourself. On the flip side, there are people who own absolutely nothing in a material sense, yet they live life to the fullest and savor every single moment...
Unfortunately, I fall squarely into that first category. I’m fully aware that I possess almost everything anyone else could dream of, yet I am profoundly unhappy. I’m stuck in this endless loop where something is always missing; I just can't seem to settle down. Everyone who knows me says the exact same thing: "You're such a difficult person." I’m dissatisfied with my existence, and there are days when living feels like an exhausting chore. My biggest hurdle is my sarcasm—and honestly, I can be downright rude. Most men are initially drawn to my looks, but once they actually get to know me, they practically run for the hills! So, here I am, convinced my life is a massive failure, even if most people would disagree...
And please, don't go thinking I'm saying this because I'm some loser who can't land a boyfriend—if only it were that simple. I have much deeper reasons for feeling this way. Truthfully, I lack the motivation to care, and even when I do find someone or something interesting, it inevitably falls apart. I’ve reached a point where I’ve stopped trying to feel better. I’ve just accepted that my life is a complete mess...

Maybe you'll actually start being nicer. 😛

I guess you’d be a lot nicer to them if you actually liked someone in the group. Maybe. 😉

Well, he was right there on the edge of making it happen 😛, so I guess it probably wasn't a mistake for him 🤷

There wasn't much anyone could do about it

I think it's actually worse when someone just can't resist the crowd and ends up ditching their own path just to fit in 😢

That seems like a pretty hollow way to live, I guess 😁

I guess you can't always find your way back to the right path 😉
circumstances change, I suppose

Alex Patel96 said:There are way too many people like that out there. But sure, let’s pretend they have all these other great qualities. I'm not even going to bother falling for someone just because of that. Honestly, why would I? Got it.🤷

Then you'll be—or maybe you already are—simply head over heels in love!😍

Heh, now I probably sound like someone with super low standards.🤣

Anyway, why would you even fall for someone?? 🤷
I mean, I'm actually curious now since you brought it up.

Alex Patel96 said:I’ve never met anyone who actually fits that rule. Not even close.😁
Honestly, I don't think such a person even exists.🙄

you just haven't met someone who can handle your flaws and where everything just clicks🤷
and you're actually attracted to each other

that's basically my definition of the right person🙂

Ronald Garcia5 said:People who actually want to work on themselves aren't going to pick some broken individual. They’ll choose someone healthy. And they'll be lucky if that healthy person is willing to put up with them and wait it out. Personally, I wouldn't 🙂

Yeah, but how many totally healthy people do you think actually exist? 🤷

If everyone was perfectly sane and functional, gambling dens and crime reports wouldn't be so full of 😛

And you, being this "healthy" person, would probably just ditch the person you like just because they're hitting a rough patch right now. 🤣

I mean, what if you're married and something happens—like an illness or an accident? Would you just kick your husband and kids to the curb too? 🙂??

edit: say someone gets laid off after ten years at a big firm, loses their savings, and falls into a depression. Is that even a valid reason to be depressed? Does that person suddenly lose their right to be with someone "normal"?
Life happens. Sometimes you just have to double down and deal with the mess. 🙂

Ronald Garcia5 said:You're picking disasters on purpose because you're a mess yourself. You lack the maturity and the guts to handle a healthy, strong relationship—the kind that actually requires blood, sweat, and tears. So, you use that as an excuse. Been there, seen it all. :-)))

It’s the same pattern with my friend; she only goes for married men, while another friend picks "needy" guys just so she can play mommy instead of being a partner. It all starts within us—it's our own internal universe—and that's where you have to begin.

Stop asking why these women are broken. Instead, ask yourself which part of you is broken and what you need to fix to stop choosing chaos over stability.

Sorry, I'm just giving it to you straight, but that's the bottom line. :-)

I guess two broken people who both want to work on themselves could make it work too, maybe.🙂

Alex Patel96 said:I’m also out here waiting for the right one.😍 But they aren't showing up.😁

Honestly, I don't think it has anything to do with you. People like that are just chasing something that doesn't exist. I've been there myself—I thought I finally found the one, only to realize there was always some catch. Some people are just wired to be never satisfied, constantly hunting for something... but there is no such thing as "the perfect person"!

or maybe by "the one," you're just not the right one for them.😢

Keith Jones76 said:Well, that's somewhat true, but it's more effective to shift your mindset first before jumping into behavioral tactics. That was my thought process.

Why would that matter? I mentioned it because of the raisins I'm constantly snacking on. Every time people see me eating them, their reactions always seem to stem from a fear of gaining weight since they're so calorie-dense...

I love them too—dried fruit and nuts in general. As I've mentioned before, I'm quite twiggy, with a BMI around 17...
I don't think it's solely due to that, certainly not, but it's true that they're high-quality, easy, and affordable foods. It's just one piece of the puzzle.

isn't that way too low
from a medical 🤷 perspective, considering your age
😉