Posts by hiddenhawk3

I don't really get why you're equating being impulsive with being emotionally unstable.
If that's the case, most women would fall into that category according to you.🤷

🙄

And I guess you're calling being closed off and distant "stable" or "normal."
To me, that kind of shut-down behavior just seems immature.🤷

People like that are basically ticking time bombs—they just bottle up all this aggression until they eventually snap.🤷😁

Yeah, I guess childhood and your environment are to blame for everything

Dennis Bailey2 said:What a brilliant piece of advice: kill yourself over some random guy or girl. 🙄

If you lack any sense of vitality, where is your pride? Look, if you're really struggling, try this: find a picture of an anatomical part—whatever your preference—print it out, stand in front of a mirror, hold the photo so you see both yourself and the image, and ask yourself out loud: "Is this worth dying for? Especially considering there are roughly 3.5 billion other people on this planet?"

🤦

Like hiddenhawk3 said, there are plenty of things far worse than some pathetic "oh no, he doesn't love me" sob story. They don't want you? Fine. Move on. It’s like having a broken leg in a cast; you can't do anything except wait for the bone to knit back together. This is the same thing. It will pass. Does it hurt? Sure. It'll stop eventually. Just stop torturing yourself with thoughts like "maybe there's still a chance." Don't waste time investigating whether they *really* decided it's over. YOU decide it's over.

🙄
hiddenhawk3 didn't even say that. You're being pretty mean, twisting her words like that.
The author just said she doesn't want to be friends or anything with him.
Killing yourself over love isn't worth it—not that anyone can actually take away her pain.
Werther killed himself over love, and Romeo did too. Just because something feels romantic doesn't mean it's rational or right. 🤷

But maybe there's still a chance for you two if you've truly tried everything?
Why won't he be with you? Did he leave you, or what?

If he dumped you and told you straight up he doesn't want to be with you, then being depressed is kind of pointless.
But if you backed off because of social pressure or stuff in your own head, maybe reach out and see if you can work something out if you both still want it.

Angela Morgan4 said:The specifics of the relationship are irrelevant. What matters is that it was emotionally intense, we fought against external pressures, and everything fell apart eighteen months ago. I am still struggling; I spiraled into a depression that hasn't let up to this day. The emotions remain overwhelming. I try to move forward, and I manage to find some calm for a few days, but then the weight returns and I end up in tears again. There is absolutely no chance of reconciliation, nor is even a friendship possible. I have frequently found myself at the edge of suicide. I feel incompetent, like a burden to everyone around me, and far too different to ever truly fit into this world.
What should I do? I’ve seen psychologists, but nothing has helped.

Nothing in life is quite so bad that it can't be fixed
or so bad that you have to end it all
People have survived the Holocaust, wars, and broken hearts

I guess it just feels that way right now because you're overwhelmed. Just keep seeing the therapist, maybe.

John Mendoza13, give it a rest 😍

I hope you actually showed up to the reception, because I doubt there will be any openings left by autumn 😁

silentcobra14 said:...I’m starting to wonder if I’m just spiraling again. It’s happened before with my health. I had some gut issues once—nothing major, really a tiny chance it was anything serious—but my brain immediately went straight to: "Oh no, it's colon cancer, I'm a dead man." Turns out, I was fine. Or one time I had unprotected sex and spent the entire time convinced I had HIV, even though the test came back totally negative...

It’s like my brain is wired to make me suffer. I don't get it sometimes. This might be happening again because part of me feels like maybe I'm not actually in love in this relationship, but at the exact same time, I'm counting down the minutes until I see her. I miss her. It's like there's some demon inside me that refuses to let me finally be happy...

I don't know. I'm going to grab a drink and talk it out with a friend, then give myself some space to figure out if I'm just overthinking everything or if this relationship really isn't right for me...

Anyway, thanks for all the replies. You guys have been a huge help, truly kind, and I wish you nothing but the best.

Best,

well, if that's what you need, then that's that 😍

good luck

Arthur Barnes said:I didn't say it had to be someone from childhood. You meet people along the way, and over a few years, they turn out to be absolutely amazing. And if they love you, wouldn't it be incredible if we could just choose to love them back? But we can't. It either happens or it doesn't.

If it's only halfway there, I think that's just settling... or desperation... or just craving closeness.

Well, how are you even supposed to measure "halfway"? 🤷

It might happen, I suppose, if you're reading some author where things aren't certain, or if one side always ends up loving more. 🤷😁

silentcobra14 said:Look, nothing is ever perfect. There's always going to be something lacking in a partner. Since I struggle with depression, I have to wonder: am I chasing some impossible standard of perfection that doesn't exist? Am I setting myself up to spend my whole life alone and miserable because I can't let things go? Maybe I'm just being too picky and asking for the moon, I don't know... For now, everything in my current relationship is actually wonderful, and my wife is incredible...

well, if you're that happy, then congrats, I guess.

maybe take those childhood issues up with a therapist.

@Arthur Barnes, not every girl has a childhood best friend they could actually fall for.

but honestly, most of the time it's true because platonic friendships between men and women barely exist anyway.

🤷

silentcobra14 said:Look, I know how I feel. It’s just that damn percentage—trying to figure out who’s more invested in whom. As stupid as that sounds, I know it's irrational. That's why I'm choosing to wait. I'm not making any impulsive moves because I refuse to screw up this relationship, which honestly, is the best thing that's ever happened to me...

Maybe try being alone for a bit to see if you actually miss them or not. 🤷

@ driftinggull21, I don't think he was really aiming for perfection or anything.

I mean, you either love someone or you don't. How can you love them halfway? 😕

And regarding that question you had earlier—once the rose-colored glasses come off, he should probably love her more, not less, I guess. 🤷

silentcobra14 said:Thanks for the reply, but I’m not sure I should tell her that just yet. I want to be the strong one here, especially since she's still dealing with that breakup from a few months back.

I don't get it.

How can you try to be strong for someone when you don't even know how you feel about them?

silentcobra14 said:Look, I said I grew fond of her, I didn't say I don't love her.🙂

Honestly, I'd just say break up with her. Find someone else, or maybe just spend some time being alone for a change.

As long as you're stuck wondering if she's actually there for you... I don't know, it feels like a lost cause. 🙂

I guess you either love someone or you don't. There isn't really an "I'm not sure" middle ground. 🙄

Arthur Barnes said:So how do you even tell this apart from just a regular crush? At the end of the day, you're the only one who knows what's going on inside your own head. If you feel like it isn't enough... then it isn't. Doesn't matter what anyone else says.

I guess I'm with Arthur Barnes on this one.

And honestly, I think it’s pretty much impossible for two people to love each other at the exact same level.

One side always ends up caring more, I suppose.

I don't really get it, though. You said you were so head over heels you couldn't live without her, but now you're saying you don't even love her that much?

I don't have any real advice, but love is generally just a mess. Maybe it's better to never fall for anyone at all.🙂

Scott Rodriguez7 said:I honestly think when you're at your age, it’s pretty tough to tell if you’re just going through a phase or if you’re actually an introvert at heart.
Of course, everyone tells you to just live your life however you want—even if that means staying cooped up in your room with a good book. But I get why it feels a bit tricky; your friends and people your age expect you to hang out with them every once in a while. And let's be real, most young people just want to fit in and feel accepted by the group, especially during those teenage years.
If it matters to you to meet your friends' expectations every now and then, maybe try heading out sometimes and just having fun.
After that, you can weigh what’s more important to you: constantly enjoying your solo downtime, or occasionally venturing out if you feel up to it.

just try not to feel like an idiot when you finally do go out 😁

Michelle Alvarez8 said:Using the word "catch up" makes it sound like I'm running away from this "partying and drinking" phase in the first place! Plus, that "certainty" you're talking about is just nonsense. I'm nearly 34—I've never found hitting the clubs and getting wasted particularly interesting. What am I supposed to do, go wild now? ☕

you probably just have some unresolved issues

😍

rapidjackal16 said:So, how do you actually know if you’re on the right track in life? Like, how can you tell you’re finally walking the path you were actually meant to be on? What are the tells? Are there even any signs to look for, or is it all just... I don't know, guesswork?

Or maybe you’re just totally lost and have no clue at all?

Personally, I guess my path is fine enough, in every sense of the word.

As long as I can look in the mirror and still call myself a "good person," I suppose that's enough.🤷

Seems like that happens way more often lately

It’s everywhere you look, I guess😢

John Stewart9 said:I'm not quite sure if you're being literal here or just speaking figuratively like you mentioned earlier in your post... because if it's the former, I honestly wonder if there's even any point in me giving you an answer at all... 🙄
When it comes to that whole "hustling" aspect—you know, the constant grind of job hunting, trying to climb the ladder, and just generally navigating the chaos of adulthood—I honestly feel like most of us in our 20s and 30s are just spinning our wheels right now, mostly because the general state of things in America is such a mess... and I really think that’s a massive piece of the puzzle when you look at what psychologists are calling this whole quarter-life crisis phenomenon...

Look, I was just sitting here thinking about that whole purely rational, statistical side of things, you know? Like, if you really crunch the numbers, it’s pretty obvious that even within our own city, there are people out there we’d be incredibly compatible with on so many different levels—it’s just that the random chaos of life never actually brought us together... And I’m not just talking about potential romantic partners either, but true friends who just *get* you, too. I know, I know, it probably sounds like I'm just spiraling into "what if" territory, which can feel a bit aimless, but honestly, those thoughts tend to haunt me more often than I'd care to admit...

I was just sitting here thinking about how much I miss those halcyon days when everything felt so simple and easy... you know what I mean? Like back when we didn't have to worry about all this modern chaos and could just drift through life without a care in the world... it’s such a vibe, honestly... I think I might have hit send a little too early there, but honestly, sometimes the best conversations start with a bit of mystery, don't you think... anyway, I'm just hanging out and ready to dive into whatever we're talking about today... So, I was just sitting here thinking about all things geriatrics and how much that whole field really keeps you on your toes... it’s such a wild ride when you look at how much everything changes as we get older...Honestly, I’ve never really been able to wrap my head around that whole hippie obsession with playing Robinson Crusoe and running away from civilization... you know, that idea that sitting among rocks and evergreen trees is somehow some kind of deep psychotherapy session... to me, it just feels less like "finding yourself" and more like pure resignation, like people are just giving up when life gets heavy and choosing to hide from their problems instead of actually facing them head-on... which I definitely don't see as a healthy way to live, but hey, to each their own, I guess...
And one more thing, guys... it’s honestly pretty tacky—to put it mildly—when you tell someone who's currently out of work or stuck in a dead-end grind that a career isn't the whole point of living. Like, seriously, why don't you go swing by a local shelter and tell those kids not to bother hoping their parents can make them happy, since, well, life isn't fair and people end up in all sorts of situations... A Marxist would probably say you're being incredibly class-unconscious, which is just a fancy way of saying you're being totally tone-deaf and actually doing some harm to the social fabric... maybe try thinking about things from a different perspective once in a while...

To be honest, it bugs me too. 😳

casualeagle82 said:Why does everyone assume all problems stem from unemployment or a lack of cash? And why do you think landing a job magically fixes everything for someone who's struggling? I wasn't talking about work or bank accounts. Not even close. I was talking about the deep stuff—the questions about the point of my life and where it goes from here... Whether I should just drown myself in the crowd of "normal" people, or try to find happiness on some other path. A path that only makes sense to me, even if everyone else judges me for it.

As long as your version of happiness doesn't hurt you or anyone else,
you don't owe anyone an explanation. There's nothing wrong with that, I guess. 🤷

John Stewart9 said:Look, looks and personality matter to me just as much as they do to anyone else, honestly... I'm really talking about having a baseline level of communicative chemistry, or maybe even a shared wavelength—you know, things like having similar habits, a sense of humor, or just a way of processing the world... It all stems from this deep-seated fear of those awkward, dead silences people get into, which is why I mentioned earlier that things are a bit more complicated than they seem. And it isn't just about my dating life, though if I'm being real, the biggest struggle for me is finding someone I can actually tease and banter with without it feeling forced... sometimes I pull it off, but most of the time, I'm just met with blank stares...

maybe try lowering your standards when it comes to how a girl looks.

There's no way, man... I'd basically be facing physical "coldness" sooner or later if I did that. And besides, how does one even "lower" their standards? That's like me telling you to try and suddenly fall in love with a food you absolutely can't stand...

Or just keep looking for that unicorn who has everything—the looks and the brains—but I'm afraid there aren't many of them out there.

So I'll just keep looking, because what else am I supposed to do? But yeah, if they're rare, they're rare...

For example, I've put most of my energy and time into my own intellectual growth, while paying almost zero attention to my physical appearance, so men mostly write me off right from the start just because I'm not particularly attractive. I guess that's why I'm still single, but at least I have fun debating things on forums... 😁

Honestly, I have no clue what investing in intellectual growth even means in this context... It's not some mandatory requirement, right? Whether or not someone cares about, say, soldiers in Uganda or discovering a new way to lower blood pressure is entirely up to them. There's nothing wrong with a girl not being interested in those things, but the problem arises when I see someone who actively avoids any topic that goes beyond their Facebook feed of "Vacation Photos 2011" or binge-watching crime procedurals and celebrity gossip shows... Man, I'm not fifteen years old anymore...
Matthew Castillo5then she should probably focus a bit more on her physical appearance and her social life, and then maybe things would start to shift... 🙂

Yeah, obviously the housing situation is all sorted out now... it's just that my folks are starting to act like they own the whole damn place... 😁

I just honestly don't get it...
Just focus all that energy on your career and building your professional life, and honestly, whether you happen to meet a girl along the way or not doesn't even matter... because if you stay on that grind, everything else just kind of sorts itself out eventually...
Good grief, what is going on with this girl...🤷

I mean, honestly, it’s really not the end of the world if you find yourself flying solo... I mean, what is being single compared to something like a massive hurricane hitting the Gulf Coast or seeing someone lose everything on the streets of Chicago, right...

I was just sitting here thinking about how much life can change when you’re navigating that whole Quarter-life crisis mess... it really hits you differently when you realize you're actually out in the world making decisions instead of just dreaming about them... anyway, I saw what John Martin16 was saying earlier and it totally clicked for me... it's like we're all just trying to find our footing while the ground is constantly shifting under our feet, you know?... It makes you wonder if anyone actually has a plan or if we're all just winging it and hoping for the best... turns out, most of us are probably just winging it...

There’s honestly just this massive group of people out there who are totally on our wavelength—those "soulmates" everyone talks about—except the catch is that we might never actually cross paths with them, or they’re living halfway across the country, or maybe they aren't even in our social circles, or they're just unavailable for one reason or another... I know, it sounds pretty heavy when you say it like that, but if you really sit down and think about it, it's basically just pure math, right? Just a cold, rational way of looking at the numbers...

Yeah, there are definitely people who think similarly and share interests, though those things tend to shift as you get older. 🤷

John Stewart9 said:What exactly got under your skin there?
Well, I'm still a student, unfortunately... haven't snagged a Nobel Prize yet and probably won't, but I do have certain intellectual standards and I don't see the issue with that. My struggle with communicating with women is a bit more complicated than that—I've mentioned it on the forum a few times before. It's a tricky thing, and if I had to pin it down, I'd say intellectual incompatibility plays a huge part in it. I know "intellectual" sounds a bit pretentious, but I can't really think of a better way to put it... specifically, I'm talking about that part of someone's personality where they're either engaged with or totally checked out from the world around them. So, some girls might catch my eye physically, but as I get older, I find myself totally losing interest once I realize how indifferent they are to everything... and honestly, I'm starting to notice that for some of them, my own passion for things like movies, music, science, politics, or social trends isn't exactly a turn-on for them either. Look, I'm not expecting to sit around having deep philosophical debates about nothingness all night, but man, it absolutely kills me when I'm sitting at a coffee shop having to practically hunt for a single common topic just to keep the conversation from dying...

I didn't quite catch your last question, but if I'm reading you right, you're asking about that second group of girls I mentioned in my post. Whether I attract those types is really up to them to decide, but it feels like I usually don't... though I already touched on why earlier...

Maybe you'd even struggle to hold a conversation with people doing the exact same thing you are. 🤷
They might just not care about the same niche in music, science, or politics as you do. 🤷