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Posts by Donna White50

349 posts shown.

Is Tom Price's personality really why he's so unpopular? in Off-topic ·
lonetiger98 said:I don't find John Doe attractive at all.🤷

And honestly, Tom Price isn't even that bad—not nearly as repulsive as some people make him out to be...

To be fair, I don't really pay attention to whether politicians are good-looking or not, anyway.🤣

They aren't hot, they're just slimy...🤣
I guess he just popped into my head because it seems like he was the one getting the most attention from women...😉
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Is Tom Price's personality really why he's so unpopular? in Off-topic ·
dustytinker52 said:I gotta say, his whole vibe is kind of a dealbreaker for me—because let’s be real, first impressions are everything. When I see him looking all scattered and disheveled, like he’s got that totally lost look in his eyes... yeah, I’m out. I pretty much just switch the channel right then and there—honestly, I don't even bother listening to what he's actually saying or pitching...

I mean, look at him... if he actually had some looks and charisma, he’d be a total heartthrob—you know, like John Doe—but instead? He just looks like a kid...😁
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Is Tom Price's personality really why he's so unpopular? in Off-topic ·
People just gravitate toward charisma... I mean, Americans back in the 60s already figured out that when it comes to winning in politics, charisma is basically everything...
In the US, most voters pretty much stick to their political leanings—you know, the whole blue vs. red thing—and a huge chunk of them are basically mobilized by the party machine. It’s all about those jobs, connections, and stuff like that... they just grind through the elections that way..
As far as individual politicians go, let's be real—Tom Price is actually a pretty bad politician. His look is just terrible, his body language screams submissive, and he doesn't have a single ounce of charisma. He just gives off this vibe of being unprofessional and insecure—definitely not the leader people expect. Plus, his political jargon and general way of speaking? Total disaster for an average politician. He constantly trips over his own words, fails to make actual arguments, can't package a message to save his life, and his delivery is just super boring and monotone... long story short, he's not someone who belongs at the top of the food chain. He lacks everything that a guy like Donald Trump had..

People just fall for charisma—it's what defines a leader, and honestly, it often matters more than professionalism, knowledge, or track records... people choose based on gut feelings, and sometimes those feelings can be totally swayed by some really slick marketing. Most people in America don't even follow politics closely—you've got the elderly, the youth, women... they aren't digging deep when they vote. They just decide impulsively, emotionally, and often at the very last second right there at the polling station..
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Smiling on the outside, struggling on the inside? in Psychology & Therapy ·
briskrider17 said:Yeah, I've realized that I am emotionally immature. By nature, I've always been direct—literal, without hesitation, but also without being impulsive; my boundaries used to just exist naturally. For a long time, I didn't have many hypocrites around me to struggle against. The problem is that I've picked up negative behavioral patterns from my mother, who, much like me, resorts to smiling when faced with "threatening" circumstances instead of taking action. Since I was never taught otherwise, I don't know how to handle situations where I need to consciously set a boundary. Sometimes I feel like just screaming, but then I stop and wonder how that would look to someone else, or what the best way to handle it would be without being overly offensive to the other person. Ever since I became self-aware, I've been taught to respect everyone, and I actually regret that; I think I would rather have been rude.

I don't know, I just feel like I'm missing something, and I'm waiting to figure out what it is. Maybe it's audacity, or maybe it's striking first instead of waiting to defend myself....


Look, there are actually a ton of ways to say "no" or set a boundary. One good trick is to just joke about it when someone crosses the line—give them a little nudge so they realize they're on shaky ground. Usually, people get the hint right then, and they can't really snap back at you because they'd just end up looking like the aggressive one while you're just kidding around. Sometimes it's better to just not react at all—like, if someone is losing their mind, just give them the whole "talk to the hand" treatment and ignore the rage. Other times, if people aren't listening, you have to be loud and clear with a "no." And yeah, with certain people who go way too far, you might actually need to be aggressive. You can also soften people up with kind words or gestures, shift the blame elsewhere, or just be totally honest if you messed up... basically, you have a huge toolkit available, you just need to learn how to pick the right tool for the job. You gotta have an end goal in mind, and define that goal by thinking about what it actually means to you if someone steps over the line. Like, at work, if it means you'll be pulling overtime for free, think about how that's gonna hurt you—it steals your free time, and if you let it happen, you're basically telling everyone you don't value your own life, so they'll just keep using you. It is absolutely vital to stand your ground and say no. Someone will always make up an excuse, or try to suck up to the boss to get a break, or crack some dumb, offensive joke about needing extra help... whatever. Just set your standards and stick to them...
Just learn, okay? You don't have to think the way your mom drilled into you. Learn from people who actually know how to handle themselves...😉
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Smiling on the outside, struggling on the inside? in Psychology & Therapy ·
Jesse Garcia said:I once had this friend who always seemed to have a smile plastered on her face. When we first met, I actually thought she was just a bit off—unhinged, even—but later I realized it was just a mask. It was her way of protecting herself from getting hurt. Honestly, my heart breaks for her because most people would just laugh at her or mock her behind her back. Even now, thinking about it makes me feel terrible. I was always her defender. She was stunning and incredibly sharp, too, but she could never keep a real friend—everyone was just too consumed by jealousy over how she looked. As for guys? They were fine, right up until the moment she turned them down. We stuck together through thick and thin until high school finally pulled us in different directions. I ran into her recently, and she hasn't changed one bit. We don't hang out anymore, though. Oh, and her parents? They’re the type to smile at her even when they’re scolding her. That part actually gave me the chills.

Yeah, it’s a defense mechanism. We wear those masks because we won't let ourselves be vulnerable. Deep down, there's often this insecurity or lack of self-belief, so we perform for the world just to avoid being judged... and man, maintaining that facade drains your soul. It's exhausting, because while we're wearing that mask, we're basically building a house of cards and desperately trying to keep it from collapsing...
People often use laughter or a "good vibes only" attitude as a shield. Being positive makes people want to hang out with you, it helps you avoid facing problems, it's an escape... you see it all the time with people hitting the bars constantly just to stay distracted. But sooner or later, reality hits, and you're left staring at yourself in the mirror... and the cycle just repeats. Pain, the struggle to accept yourself, running away, venting negativity or trying to recharge... it's such a massive waste of time. It's like trying to hammer a nail into a rotting wooden house that's just waiting to fall down. Instead of fighting to save it, maybe we should just let it collapse. Let go of the people, the things, and the illusions that aren't serving us anyway—the stuff that just creates clutter in our lives. If we let the old stuff fall, we can finally build something real on a solid foundation... stop being afraid of who we are and just embrace it. Forgive ourselves for being so hard on ourselves, for letting others walk all over us, and for following everyone else's script instead of our own. It's about finally moving in our own direction...😉
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Smiling on the outside, struggling on the inside? in Psychology & Therapy ·
briskrider17 said:So, here’s the deal: I’ve been stuck in this depressive funk for months now, dealing with constant mood swings. What’s truly bizarre is that even when the depression is hitting me hard, I can’t seem to stop smiling. It looks like this: I’m out with friends, everyone is talking nonsense, cracking jokes, just filling the air with empty chatter, and even though none of it feels meaningful or particularly funny to me, I just sit there grinning, usually without saying a word. The worst part is that even when someone verbally attacks me or insults me—which I definitely take to heart, given why I’m depressed in the first place—I just smile. I don't snap back, and I don't get angry; it's not that I'm unbothered, quite the opposite, sometimes certain comments or jabs really sting, yet I still find myself laughing through it all. It isn't a forced grin, nor does it serve any real purpose; it’s just there, and I can't seem to control it. How would you all characterize this kind of behavior...?🍿

Normally, people use facial expressions to signal how they're actually feeling, so this contradiction is really throwing me off...🤔

If you ask me, your ego is mostly protecting itself using two pretty immature defenses:
Denial... where you deny the uncomfortable feelings caused by other people's actions and turn them into something else that's easier for you to handle... like a smile, which acts as an emotional release (you see patients with serious diagnoses laughing because they want to believe it's nothing serious)
regression.. probably as part of that denial, you're retreating into a more immature stage, acting childishly, which is likely why people look at you weirdly because you aren't projecting the "adult" vibe expected of your age..

Look, you really need to start facing your feelings like an adult and start setting boundaries with people. I know that's incredibly hard for you and you go to extreme lengths to avoid it. But you're hurting yourself deeply, and I wouldn't be surprised if things boil over and you end up in a psychiatric ward... we can all only take so much. Depression is basically just a state where you're so mentally overwhelmed that you can't fight the world anymore, so you just throw in the towel and retreat inward... it's a defense mechanism. You seriously need to change how you're living, like, yesterday!
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What do you guys think about the idea of living to 500? in Spirituality ·
goldenheron6 said:So, what do you guys think about the whole idea of living to 500? Like, would life actually be better if we had that kind of time? We’d finally have a real shot at fixing our mistakes and actually making progress in whatever field we choose.
We’d probably be way smarter too, just from having all that extra experience under our belts.

Honestly, I don't think we'd be any smarter or better than we are now at 80... And if I have to grind away at a job until I'm 467 before I can retire, I think I'll pass... 😁
Basically, living that long puts way too much strain on the whole economy—we'd be too old, there'd be too many of us, and we wouldn't be working enough to sustain that kind of lifespan. Plus, you end up suffering through old age for way too long because medical tech keeps extending life even when people are sick... which means just more years of pain...
I feel like it’d be a lot nicer to just head out in our 60s...😉
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Why though... in Feedback & Suggestions ·
Casey Bennett said:just because

and so on—it’s honestly such a pain to have to dig through all these random threads just to find something...

But seriously, the most important thing is checking the announcements, since it's right there:

Why on earth would I—as one of those few users actually trying to keep this community alive—waste my time scouring through dead pages looking for answers about my own account issues? Just fix the site layout properly or get rid of those options altogether. Like I predicted a year ago... you guys probably won't even be around by next year anyway...

Thanks a bunch...
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Why though... in Feedback & Suggestions ·
Michelle Evans said:Mainly because the search tool hasn't been working for the last two months.

Notice:


Guess I've got no choice left but to hire some private investigators...
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Why though... in Feedback & Suggestions ·
..is it just me, or can I not see anyone else's older posts? It’s like I can't even find the threads they started either...
Seriously though, I really need a way to see who I'm actually chatting with when I get a DM—my inbox is already getting pretty overwhelming...😠

Thanks...
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How to deal with insecurity? in Psychology ·
Kyle Vaughn8;58134069 said:
Quincy Jones:
Yeah, but you gotta bounce through a few companies before you get that jaded vibe
I haven't hit that point yet, but my last job was definitely a wake-up call—there’s zero teamwork there
And even when things look friendly on the surface, they really aren't 👍

Totally agree, honestly, that's why I ended up here,
because there are plenty of people way worse than me, but right now, I'm basically the only sacrificial lamb in the room
now I've gotta rebuild my reputation from scratch
Look, you don't need to cycle through dozens of places to figure this out. It's way better to just find someone who gets it, see them as a mentor, and learn from how they handle stuff.
What I notice with people who were raised "properly" is that constant, nagging fear that kicks in if you aren't being perfect—like, you have to be useful, precise, humble, quiet, listening... all that. We carry that baggage from home, straight from our parents...
You've just got to learn how to break out of that, you know? Find a way to snap out of it internally. Saying "no," or just telling someone to back off when they haven't learned manners, is probably one of the hardest things in the world. Then comes the fear of getting fired if you didn't follow every single rule to a T, and it just becomes this endless drain on your energy. It gets even sketchier if you try to ask coworkers for some grace when you mess up—some might give it to you, but the second you turn your back, they’ll use it against you... You really have to shift your mindset. A company isn't the same as your childhood home, and you can't just be the "good kid." You have to learn to watch your own back, do what makes sense for you, say no so you don't become a workhorse, and set boundaries so people actually respect you instead of making you a joke...

Being a sacrificial lamb doesn't mean you're incompetent. Honestly, a lot of incompetent people are pros at wearing masks to hide their flaws and make themselves look better—they let others do their heavy lifting, pass the buck, suck up to the bosses, act sweet, or boss everyone else around. You become the sacrificial lamb the moment you let people walk all over you... once you become the doormat, they'll dump everything on you and just treat you like dirt... it's a rough spot to be in where you're giving more than everyone else, but they treat you like you're the least important person there... it's pure psychology, really...
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How to deal with insecurity? in Psychology ·
silverranger14 said:You seriously think insecurity just magically turns someone into a seasoned narcissist? In what universe? How certain are you that if someone follows your advice, they won't just end up as a total loser who ruins the team vibe and then gets kicked to the curb?

Personally, I don't buy that you have a narcissist hiding inside you or that playing dirty is your style. I don't think there's an "instant fix" for you. It's going to take actual work on your character—setting precise short-term and long-term goals without getting distracted or wandering off track.
It's hard work. Something I started doing myself once, and honestly, it paid off big time.

My own insecurity was massive, caused by everything and anything (maybe yours is too, but let's stay on topic). But I see you building that "maker" mindset. Keep training that inner craftsman every day, and you'll come out stronger.

She’s never gonna be a narcissist—she just doesn't have that kind of personality in her—and I wasn't even saying she needs to turn into one just for the sake of the job. It's more about realizing that work isn't your mama's lap... you've gotta learn to hide those insecurities and flaws like a snake hides its legs. You have to learn how to navigate things, and you won't get there if you're constantly tripping over your own feet or working yourself to death just to clean up everyone else's mess... I went through this exact same thing back in the day—that paralyzing fear of failing and just not believing in myself. I was always trying to prove something, always saying "yes" to everything, trying way too hard to be liked, and basically taking on the whole world on my shoulders. One day you just wake up feeling like a total doormat or a sacrificial lamb. The fix is actually the exact opposite: you gotta learn to say no, work on those flaws privately, and always lead with your strengths. Aim for the awards and the recognition, not just for being the one who takes on all the extra grunt work... and honestly? Just learn how to own your own mistakes...
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How to deal with insecurity? in Psychology ·
Kyle Vaughn8 said:I remember reading somewhere in some old philosophy journal that doubt is actually a sign of wisdom...

I’m constantly doubting things—mostly myself, honestly 🙈—but I guess people just take me for a fool because of it

Actually, not just a fool, but a total idiot 🙂

Why is it that people who act the most arrogant are always the ones who think they're the smartest? 🤷

Nah, you can't go around doubting yourself like that—not ever. And man, especially don't go thinking poorly of yourself in front of other people... just don't...
It feels like most people just spend all their energy pointing fingers at everyone else—it’s way too easy to blame others... but you really gotta take that time to look inward once you get home. Like, when you finally clock out from work, give yourself some space to actually sit with it and process everything that went sideways during the day...
Look, this job is a total shark tank—you just have to prove you can hold your own at the very least, and if you’re actually looking to climb the ladder, you gotta show everyone else is beneath you... It basically boils down to constant hustle—showing interest, dropping smart solutions, being the one who pushes everyone to act and create, and keeping the team vibes high. But yeah, you also gotta be smart enough to cover your tracks when you mess up, or better yet, just spread the blame around so it doesn't stick to you. You gotta play the game with the bosses and partners, too—smooth talk your way into their good graces while quietly stepping over anyone trying to compete with you. Once you walk through those office doors, honestly? Just leave the whole "collegiality and morals" thing at home. That stuff is for fairy tales... real life—especially the corporate grind—is a whole different beast...
Look, if you trip up even once, people are just gonna be hovering, waiting for you to fall... It’s like your failure automatically drags down the whole scale, giving everyone else a free pass to climb over you. They get to shine by stepping on your mistakes—basically using your setbacks as their own stepping stones. Like, if Mark is a shaky, insecure employee and someone can pin his errors on him, then John—who might be just as bad—suddenly looks like a superstar by comparison. John isn't the one getting canned first; it'll be Mark, because he basically turned himself into the office scapegoat...😉
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How to deal with insecurity? in Psychology ·
Kyle Vaughn8;58117527 said:
That’s just facts, and honestly, it makes you want to be nice to everyone, but then people just walk all over you like some kind of welcome mat—just totally rude and arrogant
and because you're trying to be a good person, they see you as weak

Ž
yeah, thanks, that really helps me out a ton
because when they told me I was insecure, I just told them straight up—that’s not set in stone, it's something that can change
which seemed to weird them out for some reason
I don't get why they're acting so shocked by that, seriously... 🤔
true enough
I'm not taking this last bit of negative criticism to heart since, like I said, insecurity is just something you work on
except for those few moments during the day where doubt just creeps in...
so how do you kill that thorn of doubt? specifically when it feels like the whole world is ganging up on you?

well, one solid trick is definitely looking back at all the times people told me I couldn't do something, and then I went ahead and proved them wrong

it just bugs me why people feel entitled to constantly judge everyone else, like, always in such a negative way?

You didn't say what actually happened, but people usually pounce the second they smell someone struggling with self-doubt. That's just human nature—they look for someone they can send to "grab a pack of Marlboros" just so they can feel important, successful, or in charge. In life, you've gotta make sure you don't fall into that role of the errand runner—the one who doesn't believe in themselves and lets others pull their strings... because once you start playing that part, people slap that label on you and you can't shake it, no matter how hard you try...
You have to practice saying no, learn how to politely tell someone to back off, and take the lead more often—standing up for what you want and need, showing your skills, and bringing others along with your own vision. It builds your status in their eyes while letting you be yourself... It sounds kind of shallow when you say it out loud, but that's how it works. If you walk into a Target looking like you just rolled out of bed, the cashier might look down on you... but if you show up dressed sharp and carry yourself like you've got it all figured out, they'll treat you with total respect... it's silly, but that's how people perceive things, and it's why you can sell anyone anything if you play the part... 😉

Look, you graduated college—you've got the actual proof right there that you're a capable, smart woman... how many more diplomas do you need before you believe it? Besides, people who finished even the toughest schools know they're competent, so they don't feel the need to prove it to anyone—it's a waste of time. You're at work to do your job and climb the ladder, maybe make some more money (if that's your goal). Other people are your competition, even if you call them colleagues and grab coffee with them (assuming they're decent people). You don't owe anyone an explanation for who you are, unless it's actually hurting your performance, in which case you deal with that... and even then, never let others see your flaws or insecurities, otherwise they'll just use them against you...
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How to deal with insecurity? in Psychology ·
Kyle Vaughn8 said:Everyone keeps labeling me as insecure—and they use that to claim I’m totally incompetent

I recently got absolutely crushed during a performance review, and apparently, my lack of confidence is "proof" that I don't even understand my field 🤦
which is wild because I actually aced this stuff back at college—people used to rave about it 🙂

Now I’ve gotta build some serious backbone overnight... kind of like being told I have to nail an audition for a Broadway play 🙂 just to prove I'm not so timid
So, how do I actually kickstart that process? 🙂

How do you shake that fear when you're in a group setting? How do I stop telling myself to stay quiet and realize my opinion actually matters right now? Like, how do I give myself permission to jump into a conversation? 🤦

What kind of headspace should I be aiming for? Should I be using any internal mantras or something?

Maybe I’ve just been too angry or aggressive lately... 🙂🙂

Does anyone have specific techniques to get into a confident headspace?

Help a girl out 🙂

You really need to reach a point where you just stop giving a damn about what people think... like, honestly, reach a stage where it doesn't hurt your feelings if someone judges you or tries to fit you into some little box or label... 😉
Since things aren't quite there for you yet, it sounds like everyone's opinion is hitting you way too hard—it's triggering all these negative vibes and this constant pressure to please others or fear failing. But look, life is just one big series of challenges and wins. I say "challenges" instead of "failures" because if you don't meet one person's expectations, it doesn't mean you won't crush it for someone else down the road...
Once you let go of that pressure from others—which, let's be real, is mostly stuff you're putting on yourself anyway—you'll finally see a straight shot toward what you want in life. You won't be constantly veering off course because of other people's noise; you'll just take their input as a suggestion, and then move on if it doesn't fit... 😉
As for techniques, there are a million ways to handle it, just like there are a million different types of people. Deep down, you already know how to tell yourself, "Whatever, I don't care" when people talk trash. Just remind yourself that you're smart, capable, and enough... and then just smile and keep moving... 😉
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Self-destruction in Psychology & Therapy ·
mistydrifter55 said:I started "feeling" my mother—realizing we just didn't click—way back in puberty.

Basically, that drift between us started the moment I stopped being a "little girl."
When I was tiny, she could still play the part of the mom. Tying my shoes, cuddling, telling stories... everything was great then.

But once school started, the distance set in.
Her reasons, her frustrations, whatever drama drove her behavior? I honestly don't care anymore. I don't even want to analyze it.

So. Here we are.

The big questions.

Forgive my mother? For what? I don't hold a grudge against her for how she chose to live her life.
What I *did* hold against her was how, after Dad passed away, she failed to keep the family together. Instead, she fueled the fire between her own kids. She basically "picked sides" between her children (and obviously, I wasn't the favorite). How can a mother discard one child while embracing another? I have two kids myself, and honestly, I don't think I could ever do that.
Her choice? Not seeing her grandkids.
Her choice? Suing me—her own flesh and blood—for harassment, right when I was trying to reach out. After she called the police to report me for "harassment," I cut contact. Yet, she keeps calling me. Makes sense, right? (?)

Move on? Move on to where? How?
I’ve dealt with my connection to my mother—the current, real-life version. I have zero intention of talking to her again. There's just no need.
But I haven't settled things internally. The emotional stuff, the private battle with myself... that's still there.

That’s what I want to fix: my inner peace.
I want to change how I function.
I want to break my behavioral patterns.
The ones baked in from childhood. I know it won't be easy. Honestly, I don't even know how to start.
All I know is that this pattern is hurting me and the people around me.
And that’s really what bothers me. That's the thing I actually want to change.

Man, there's so much rage in you, and you remind me of myself so much it's actually scary.
Maybe it'll be easier if I tell you how I felt, so maybe you can find some common ground...
Unlike you, I never truly felt like my parents loved or accepted me. My younger sister was always the golden child, while I was left on the sidelines, feeling the weight of being the oldest brother. I've always craved love, and I'd say I still do—I have this intense need to be close to someone. Ever since I can remember, I've felt lonely and unloved (though today I'm okay, and I'm proud of what I've achieved). As a kid, I used to daydream all the time about some stranger just picking me up, accepting me for who I am, and loving me... even if it was just in my head. That guilt my parents constantly pushed onto me was also a huge part of my life. That's where my submissiveness started. Today, I'm not really submissive—I'm actually pretty dominant and don't take orders from anyone—but I flip into heavy masochism whenever I'm in a bad mental state..
I finally went full no-contact with my parents recently, though I'd been pulling away for the last 15 years. At first, cutting them off gave me a sense of satisfaction; for the first time, I could actually get back at them by letting them suffer.. But after a few months, they realized they messed up, changed their tune, and now they're acting totally fine toward me. But honestly? I'm not ready to forgive them. If anything, I feel cheated because their attitude toward me suddenly improved. I want the person at fault to suffer, regardless of the fact that I know they couldn't act any differently given how immature and narrow-minded they are. I often feel terrible about it... there's an entire ocean of suppressed rage and pain inside me that I've never let out. In fact, I've always tried so hard to bury my negative feelings, my anger, and my pain, trying to make sure none of it touches me too deeply. Nowadays, I can't cry. I can't stand seeing sadness or pain in other people's eyes. When someone I know passes away, I just feel nothing—just emptiness.. honestly, all negative emotions just don't reach me; I automatically shut them down or bury them.. But that doesn't mean they aren't there, or that the last 30 years haven't happened and been forgotten forever. Every harsh word, every insult, every bad emotion—it's all still inside. I just don't want to let it out. Not only do I not want to, but I've pushed it down for so many years that I don't even know how to let it all out if I wanted to. I don't even know the triggers for my negative emotions. I just know that out of nowhere, I'll feel totally pathetic, worthless, sad, desperate... and I'll feel like hurting myself or someone else..

Where does this whole self-destruct thing even come from?..
It comes from the same place mine does—you’re just deeply hurt. You grew up without enough love from your mom, dealing with all that misunderstanding, being belittled, and then finally getting totally pushed away after your dad passed. Losing your dad was traumatic enough on its own, but then you lost your mom too, since she basically shut you out after he died.
You’re furious—like, pure rage levels—so much so that you decided to just wipe her from your life entirely. You're disgusted by her, you can't stand her...
But cutting her off isn't going to quiet those emotions screaming to get out. It won't stop the ache of losing a mother who rejected you in the first place. That’s why you said at the start of this thread that you just want a mom who will hold you... because you're hurting, and you need comfort and love..
Since that volcano inside you is constantly hurting and trying to erupt—but you won't let it (just like I don't)—it ends up exploding all the time. And if you can't aim that anger at other people, you end up turning it inward. You tell yourself you're stupid, that you're disgusting, that you hate yourself... because you have to dump that energy somewhere. You have to settle the chaos inside... and that cycle repeats constantly. Every time there's a trigger, every time an old memory of pain and anger resurfaces, every time you mess something up, or have a bad day, or your husband gets on your nerves, or your boss snaps at you..

So how do you actually fix it..?
By letting it all out.. honestly, it takes a massive amount of time and grit. Eventually, you might reach a point where you can look back and realize your mom just didn't know any better. You can accept her for who she was without letting her run your life anymore..
That's why people always say "you need to forgive your mother," but right now, neither you nor I am anywhere near being able to do that—nobody could be.. you have to drop the weight sitting in your heart first. Only then can you really process things and feel what's real.. and if everything works out in the end, you'll forgive her and move on, feeling lighter and way more whole than before..
But hey, who am I to lecture you? I'm just starting this journey myself... I've spent my whole life acting like a master thief, just perfecting the art of hiding my bad feelings without even realizing I was doing it...😉
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Self-destruction in Psychology & Therapy ·
Charles Lopez3 said:
I honestly can't believe I have to say this again, but we really need to start looking at the bigger picture here because everyone seems so distracted by the minor details that they're missing the absolute forest for the trees! It’s like, you know, we’re sitting here debating these tiny little nuances while the actual foundation of everything is shifting right under our feet, and if we don't wake up soon, we're going to be left staring at a total mess wondering where it all went wrong. I'm being completely serious when I say that the sheer level of complacency I'm seeing from people lately is actually kind of terrifying, and it’s definitely not just me feeling this way because anyone with half a brain can see the writing on the wall if they just bother to pay attention for five minutes! kaže:
... I mean, seriously, is there any greater evil than... You seriously want to go out there and throw away your mother's love? Like, actually risk losing that bond? Man, you have no idea what you're playing with here. That kind of connection is everything, and once you mess with it, you can't just hit undo or patch it up like some buggy Python code. It’s heavy stuff, man, really heavy. You gotta think about the long game because once that trust is gone, it’s gone for good.I mean, honestly, you really only need to think about doing that for one kid.
...

Look, you might actually want to give her a fair shot at being a better mom than she used to be, honestly. If you just stop expecting her to pull off things she clearly isn't capable of, it changes everything—because let’s face it, she was probably raised by people who basically poisoned her outlook from the start, leaving her with some seriously broken mental wiring that she's still dealing with today.

Moms just always have that way of showing they love you, no matter what happens.,
But honestly, it’s pretty obvious that it happens in all sorts of different ways—even if people aren't even consciously aware they're doing it.

I honestly feel like we’ve all just hit that point where everything feels way more intense than it used to be, you know? Like, you wake up one day and suddenly you're expected to have all these answers and navigate this massive, complicated world without a roadmap, and it's just exhausting. It’s that heavy realization of being an adult—where the stakes actually feel real and you can't just hide behind excuses anymore. I was thinking about this the other day, how much mental energy it takes just to stay on top of things when life keeps throwing curveballs at you, and it really hits home that there's no going back to that carefree simplicity we had growing up. It’s a constant grind, but I guess that's just part of the deal now, right? You just have to keep pushing through and figure it out as you go. Honestly, kids just get it, you know? They have this way of seeing right through all the noise that adults tend to overcomplicate.
They’re actually forgiving her and keeping things going with their mom, which honestly just blows my mind.
Look, at the end of the day, we all just need to grow up. ☕

She isn't ready to let it go—she’s hunting for someone to blame and wondering why it happened...
You really have to put in the work to truly forgive, accept her, accept yourself, and finally move on..
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Self-destruction in Psychology & Therapy ·
Jacob Long said:mistydrifter55,
maybe "envious" isn't really the right word for your mom
she just wasn't as good at handling her family's wins as she was at handling their losses—you know, when she could play the role of the caregiver to the underdog, or ultimately, the martyr
it was only when she could step into that part that she’d actually shine, and that’s when you’d feel that trickle of love from her—even if it had some toxic undertones
so, basically, you started self-sabotaging as a kid just to trigger her attention and affection
you somehow linked those masochistic or self-destructive feelings tied to failure (or sabotaged success) with her love—like they were two sides of the same coin—as if you were "offering" her problems just to buy a little love; you adapted to her expectations (which were centered on struggle) so she could play her part, because without that drama, you weren't getting much of her love
because of that, you couldn't even celebrate your own wins; you just felt empty since she never truly celebrated them with you—well, maybe she did, but she didn't know how to show it properly, and you definitely received more from her when you were "down"

now that you guys aren't close, you miss her—you miss that dynamic—and you end up sabotaging yourself in whatever way you can just to feel miserable, conditioned by all that old programming to believe that love will eventually follow the chaos
but it doesn't come; you're mostly just giving it to yourself through the adrenaline rush or whatever

but you're sinking deeper into dissatisfaction, and there's less and less joy to go around

curious if I'm on the right track?

every time you sabotaged yourself, you hurt yourself a little, pushed a part of yourself away, and refused to reach your full potential—sacrificing who you are for her sake (that's what kids do)
over time, that part of you has grown so strong that it’s going to haunt you destructively until you finally let yourself see and feel it. It’s brutal, but it has to pass through you, and the more you fight it, the worse it gets
I’m in therapy myself, but I once got a piece of advice like this from a non-professional on a forum, and it actually works for me; when I let the emotion in, I get restless, trying to catch it with my mind, but it slips away. I feel this discontent that isn't tied to anything happening right now—something I can't quite put into words. If I let it out, it’s like emotional hurricanes and storms; sometimes anxiety hits first, but once the storm passes, there's this massive release of energy—all that energy your subconscious was wasting just trying to keep Pandora’s box shut. Give it a shot; life provides plenty of opportunities

and you know, in a way, that self-destruction is actually your protection against something your brain perceives as a greater evil, I guess
and is there any greater evil than losing a mother's love for a child?
except you aren't a child anymore; you can survive without her, and you are worthy of love regardless of her—or anyone else's—conscious or unconscious conditions

once you work through this, maybe you'll even give her a chance to be a better mom than she used to be, because you won't be expecting things from her that she simply isn't capable of giving—after all, someone probably poisoned her too, leaving her with these broken mechanisms

We’ve basically thrown two totally opposite theories out there—now I’m actually curious which one hits the mark...?😉
To me, it feels like the mom is just super envious, you know? Like, she sees someone else's failure as her own little win... as if their setback somehow makes her look better. That probably explains why she keeps downplaying her daughter's successes... which, honestly, is likely why the girl started pulling away during her teen years. What we're seeing now seems like the fallout from being rejected by her kid, mixed with a total lack of self-awareness... Guess we'll see how it plays out...
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Self-destruction in Psychology & Therapy ·
mistydrifter55 said:Someone mentioned Toxic Mothers earlier, so I dug up this

I definitely see myself in this section:
The Envious Mother
Envious mothers just won't celebrate their daughters' wins, even when those daughters are working themselves to the bone to make them proud. But the second a daughter fails? Suddenly, Mom is right there by her side, almost acting like she’s secretly thrilled about the setback. Women who grew up with moms like this often view their own success as a threat to their relationships. Growing up, they were constantly sent mixed signals and never knew where they stood. They tried to meet the impossible standards their mothers set, but the moment they actually hit the mark, they were met with nothing but resentment. These women often walk through life feeling like they aren't good enough or successful enough, when the truth is they are actually *too* capable—and their mothers just can't stomach it. The underlying message from the mother is basically: "I'll only love you if you stay small and don't develop any talents that might overshadow me.">

My biggest emotional meltdowns as an adult always happened right after I achieved something big.
Growing up, I was incredibly ambitious. I’d pour all my energy into these massive, nearly impossible goals, but once I actually pulled them off, instead of feeling happy or satisfied, I just felt empty. Just this weird sense of sadness and misery.
Eventually, my ambition just started to fizzle out. Since I wasn't finding any joy in what I accomplished, I stopped setting new goals altogether. Why bother?
(The only time my adrenaline would actually spike was when things went sideways—when I had a sudden crisis to fix or some last-minute chaos to handle.
)
So now, I tend to pour all my focus and energy into the process itself. I get lost in the middle because I have zero drive to actually reach the finish line. Reaching the end doesn't give me any kind of thrill. Consequently, I find myself drifting through endless tasks or getting bogged down in projects that make absolutely no sense. I just work for the sake of working.
I think I need to start setting tiny, manageable goals and actually rewarding myself when I finish them. 🙂

_____________________________________________

Back in the day, whenever I talked to my old lady, she wouldn't ask "How are you?" She'd ask, "Is there a problem?"
That woman practically lived on other people's drama. She’d just sit there waiting for someone to come crying to her shoulder so she could play the part of the deeply empathetic listener. In reality? She was just feeding off the chaos.
Ugh, that part used to drive me absolutely insane, and honestly, it still gets under my skin today—seeing people who "feed" off everyone else's struggles.


Man, you're heading down the wrong path again...
I feel like you’re subconsciously beating yourself up over everything that goes wrong—mostly because you set the bar way too high for yourself... You're constantly expecting these massive wins, often aiming for things that are just out of reach, or at least they used to be...
I really hope you get how wrong it is to pile all that weight on yourself just to feel like you actually matter...
Why did you even do that? It’s like... back when you were just a kid, you were so desperate for that cold mother of yours to actually hug you—to give you some support, tell you that you actually matter, or just show you a little love... but she only gave it out in tiny, tiny drops. So, you figured if you could just tackle some massive, impossible task, it would prove you were better than everyone else. You thought if you crushed it, your mom might finally notice... and then, for once, you’d actually feel worthy. Like her attention was the only thing that made you worth something in the first place...
Look, even when you finally clock out for the day, you're still stuck with that feeling—knowing deep down your mom is never gonna give you credit for anything you actually pull off. It’s always the opposite, honestly... just constant put-downs, endless criticism, and that heavy, sinking feeling that stays with you... Your mom did all that just to manipulate you—to make herself feel bigger and more powerful than you were (it’s honestly absurd), and your whole success story was basically just her ambitions riding on your back instead of yours. If she bragged about you to the neighbors, it gave you this fake sense of worth, but in her eyes, you weren't actually the point... making an impression on the people next door was what mattered to her.
Eventually, you saw through the game and started resenting her. Once you finally moved out, you lost that specific "mode" you used to operate in—you didn't have that pressure to perform the impossible anymore, so your drive just kind of tanked. If she were still around, you’d probably still be sucking up to her just to get a crumb of praise, right..?
The thing is, you don't really have a sense of self-worth, which is why you still crave her approval despite everything. You still want her to tell you that you matter today... but let's be real, that’s never going to happen..
These little short-term goals you chase? They're just ways to vent frustration and get a quick hit of dopamine to boost your mood. They're unplanned and impulsive, which is why you get this sudden urge to do something just to feel like you actually matter but the feeling fades fast, and then you're right back in the downward spiral. You almost feel like you *have* to crash, because how else are you supposed to climb back up, right... there's no high without the low, and you crave that rush just like you did when you were a little girl..😉
If you were mentally in a good place, you could easily force yourself to knock out a task. You'd set a goal, tell yourself "okay, once I finish this, I get a reward," like going out, buying something nice, or taking a trip. You'd actually know *why* you're working toward something—whether it's money, free time, or just pure enjoyment. But instead, you're acting on impulse, kind of like an addict needing a fix just to feel human... You're doing this because you struggle with self-love, you rely on others, you carry guilt, you punish yourself... it's depression and all that stuff..

I won't say anything about your mom—you know her better than anyone... but honestly, you have such a massive opportunity here to rebuild your life far away from her influence. Just take it slow. Work on yourself in small steps, set actual plans, find a therapist, meet new people, find something you genuinely love and dive into it. And no matter what happens, remember to give yourself some credit when you do something well. Remind yourself that you can handle things on your own, and when the bad stuff hits, just shrug and say, "hey, this happens to everyone, it'll pass, moving on.."😉

Whenever you set a goal or a task, just stop and ask yourself *why*. What's the real motivation? What are you trying to prove, and to whom? How does it actually relate to you? Personally, I don't feel like I owe anyone anything or have anything to prove... we usually end up stuck either because we don't ask ourselves "why" or because we don't know how to tell other people "enough is enough"...
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Self-destruction in Psychology & Therapy ·
mistydrifter55 said:I actually do understand the root cause.
It’s pretty straightforward.
The timeline goes like this: Fighting with my mom as an adult. Growing apart. Anger. Depression. Regret.

Look, we fought. Years have passed since then. I just can't seem to find peace or accept how things are.
On one hand, I'm furious, and on the other, I'm falling apart.

And that bolded part? That's probably the "falling apart" bit. Cause and effect.

Is there an on/off switch for all of this somewhere? 😁


I honestly think it’s a mix of things—partly that lingering anger that drove you away from your mom in the first place... which, if you think about it, might have actually been a lifesaver since it stopped her from micromanaging your whole life...
It feels like you're still totally stuck emotionally—just trapped by this constant loop of guilt and fear toward your mom. It’s like... even though she isn't physically there, she’s always hovering in the back of your mind, living right there with you and watching your every move... You’re basically waiting for her to change, right? Just wishing she’d call one day and say, "Hey, I was wrong, I'm sorry, please come home..." But let's be real—you can't force her to change. That's never going to happen. All you actually have control over is yourself... Once you finally stop expecting that hug or that apology, that's when you can actually start grieving and finally break free from her grip. Otherwise, she’ll follow you anywhere—even from the grave. Honestly, though? It’s not really *her* following you anymore... it’s more like this intense superego that’s constantly bleeding guilt because you feel like you hurt her or broke some toxic family dynamic. Plus, there's that deep hunger for love because you haven't quite convinced yourself that you're actually a good person yet... you don't really love yourself, do you? So, what's happening is this internal war—this massive, crushing superego built up from her strict parenting that keeps hitting you with guilt, clashing against this fragile, underdeveloped ego that never felt truly seen or loved. It’s all playing out on a subconscious level, so you don't see the connection... you just see the result: feeling sad, feeling weak, just desperate for a hug (which is really just a craving for her love). You end up feeling clumsy, stupid, and just plain awful—like you don't even deserve to be here... and that's just that weak ego crumbling every time a bad emotion hits and you don't know how to process it...
Honestly, I wish I could go back and tell my younger self—when I actually had the chance—that the relationship I had with my mom was just straight-up toxic. It left me carrying so much baggage... but look, I’m a smart, resilient, brave woman who actually wants to live life to the fullest. I deserve to enjoy myself, to feel good, and to be loved by people who actually bring something real to the table. I want to live life on my own terms, you know? I can't go back and "fix" how things were with her, so instead of sitting around hoping she'll finally love or respect me, I've gotta focus on changing myself. That means lowering my expectations to something realistic and setting some serious boundaries so I can deal with her in a way that works for me... Whenever I feel that old wave of guilt hitting me when we talk, I realize it’s just that wounded little girl inside me screaming for the affection she never got. My mom didn't protect me—she actually used my need for love against me, making me feel guilty just to keep me under her thumb and make me do whatever she wanted. It was messed up, and honestly, she was a bad parent. But I’m not that scared, helpless little kid anymore. I’m a grown, capable woman—yeah, I have my flaws like everyone else, but I’ve got plenty of strengths too. I just want to love myself, give that hurt little girl inside me a hug, and finally heal... so I can just be happy and proud of the life I'm building... 😉
Look, this stuff doesn't just happen overnight—it takes years of grinding on yourself, really digging into your own head, your emotions, what you actually need, all that... Self-work is brutal, honestly. Most people spend their whole lives running away from themselves because they can't stand to admit they're the ones with the issue—they'd much rather point fingers at everyone else to explain why they feel like crap. You, though—you tend to blame yourself by default, which isn't helping. You've gotta find a way to ease that guilt and just let the anger go... You have every right to be mad at your mom, but you also have every right to be happy. You need to embrace who you are, flaws and all. We all have our ups and downs, good days and bad ones... those moments don't define who we are, and they shouldn't change how people see us. We're so much more than just one depressing night or a few bad moods, right...?
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