Posts by Donna White50

Daniel Perez6 said:In my family, my grandma actually remarried in her fifties because my grandpa was lazy and cheated whenever he got the chance. Even with a kid to think about, she refused to stay stuck in a marriage like that.

Failed marriages and messy breakups aren't a new phenomenon; they always existed. The people who refuse to put effort into their partners today would have been living the exact same way a hundred years ago. Personally, I think comparing modern relationships to the past is a bit pointless. At the end of the day, it’s all about spotting manipulation early enough to get out with your sanity intact.

I can’t help but look at how much dating has changed... back in the day, you’d usually find "the one" pretty early on, but nowadays? After everyone has cycled through a million different people and basically done a full deep dive into everyone's baggage, they usually just end up realizing nobody actually fits...
It’s honestly wild to see how much things have moved forward—it kind of reminds me of that massive jump in chip technology back in '71...🤣

Joseph Bailey41 said:The old system worked because it was built on superficial connections—that was actually part of its strength. The new way is failing because everyone is overanalyzing every single little thing, obsessing over who loves whom and all that drama. Besides, those "little monsters" aren't just being raised by parents; they're being shaped by smartphones, the internet, and everything else.

Nah, you've got it wrong...
My grandma knew Grandpa loved her, and he felt the exact same way. You know why? Every single morning, she’d have his coffee ready the second he got up, would heat the water for him to wash his face and shave... and in return, he’d make sure her bed was warm at night, working from dawn till dusk just so she and the kids always had enough to eat... That’s real love, man—it comes from wanting things for each other and meeting those needs, which creates this deep bond. They never sat around asking if they loved each other or measuring how much... my grandma still put her husband first even when they were 70, treating him like the only man in her world, and he respected her more than anyone on the planet.
Nowadays, nobody gives a damn about anyone else. People stay together just to take pictures of themselves on their phones; neither side wants kids, mortgages, or actual responsibilities. And when people ask "who loves who," it isn't about affection—it's pure ego. Everyone wants to be adored, but nobody actually wants to put in the work to love someone else...

If you handed a shovel to any guy today, he’d probably look at you like you're crazy—people are just so soft now, looking at love and life in general.
And that's the brutal truth...

Joseph Bailey41 said:

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the whole Addxx situation. It feels like one of those moments where you're just watching things unfold from the sidelines, waiting to see if the reality actually matches the hype. I’ll admit, I’ve been a little hesitant to jump in too deep, mostly because I hate feeling like I missed the boat or misread the room. It’s a bit nerve-wracking when you're trying to be sensible about where you put your money while everyone else seems to be moving at light speed. I'm just taking it slow and trying to stay level-headed. kaže:
When it comes to the debate over equality between men and women, I’m fully on board with equal rights and opportunities. However, after spending the last year diving deep into a mountain of neurological and psychological research, I've come to realize that men and women aren't biologically identical. To put it simply, there's a natural division of roles: women often lean toward providing group support, while men tend toward group protection. A healthy individual finds a balance between these masculine and feminine traits within themselves, but our biology drives us in different directions. Testosterone and estrogen act as catalysts for Vasopressin and Oxytocin. Vasopressin tends to drive masculine strength, aggression, and the drive for sexual conquest. On the other hand, Oxytocin fuels emotional responsiveness, social cohesion (which helps protect the pack), and defensive aggression, like what we see in maternal instincts. You can't just deny these biological realities; when you look at the science, men and women are fundamentally different.

I know these posts are pretty old, but I feel like I really need to weigh in now that the topic has resurfaced. You mentioned that the male role is about protecting the group, yet you also emphasize the importance of female defensive aggression—to me, those two ideas don't quite square up. If we’re looking at this strictly from an evolutionary and hormonal standpoint, the male role centers on hunting large game, ensuring fertilization, and protecting the woman through pregnancy and nursing (which explains why that initial bond typically lasts about two years). Anything outside of that specific sphere is really just up for negotiation.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the recent developments with Addex. It feels like we're constantly waiting for that one definitive piece of news to move the needle, and the suspense is starting to get a little exhausting. I know everyone is looking for clarity, but sometimes it feels like we're just spinning our wheels. Does anyone else feel like they're stuck in this perpetual state of "wait and see"? [User Name] says:
To me, the healthiest kind of marriage is one where both people truly understand their roles and lean into them for the good of the relationship. Like I mentioned before, a student can deeply respect and love their mentor even if there’s a clear hierarchy involved. In the same vein, a woman can absolutely love her husband even if he’s the primary breadwinner—provided he isn't some jerk using that power to manipulate her. Honestly, I think a partnership like that can be much more harmonious than a setup where both people try to play both roles, especially when you consider the natural hormonal differences between men and women.

Once we shifted our focus toward producing bread rather than just hunting mammoths, social roles started feeling a bit performative. It’s like we lost that raw, biological connection to how we actually function. Even the whole student-teacher dynamic feels different now; if you step outside the "traditional" school setting, it isn't really a boss-subordinate relationship at all. I put "traditional" in quotes because the education system we're used to is really just a byproduct of the Industrial Revolution. Before that, people learned by simply observing others in their community who were skilled at certain tasks. That kind of learning doesn't rely on any rigid hierarchy. Instead, authority comes down to mastery—a teacher’s influence isn't based on some fancy title, but on whether their way of doing things is easy, useful, and actually worth imitating.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around everything involving Addxx. It’s one of those things where you feel like you should understand the implications immediately, but the more you dig, the more complex it gets. I'm curious if anyone else here has been following this closely or if I'm just overthinking the whole situation. Asks:
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. In a healthy relationship, the gap between who is "leading" and who is "following" should be minimal. It shouldn't be about fixed roles; instead, those positions should shift dynamically based on the situation. You step up when your skills serve the partnership best, and then you step back to let your partner lead when they have the upper hand. When you prioritize what moves the couple forward rather than just looking out for yourself, that's where true trust and love actually take root. There's a certain beauty in handing over control to your partner because you genuinely recognize their strengths—and knowing they’ll do the exact same thing for you when the roles flip.

Control is honestly just extra baggage. Real security comes from trust—that simple assurance that when you ask someone to do something, they’ll actually follow through. It's a basic concept: if you send someone out to grab a loaf of bread, you trust they'll come back with bread in a reasonable amount of time, rather than showing up the next morning with nothing but a bag of chips and a candy bar. If an adult can't handle a straightforward task like that, there's no foundation for trust. Beyond that, trying to force control usually backfires. People tend to resort to a sort of "silent strike" when they feel micromanaged, which is really just an emotionally immature reaction to feeling smothered.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the implications of this latest news regarding Addxx. It feels like one of those situations where you want to stay optimistic, but you also know you need to keep a very close eye on how things actually play out in the coming months. I’ll be curious to see if the market reacts the way most analysts are predicting, or if we're looking at a complete outlier scenario. Does anyone else feel like they're walking a bit of a tightrope here? Larry Garcia46 says:
It’s funny how sibling dynamics work. You have one brother patiently teaching his sister how to ride a bike, while she’s busy teaching him how to tie his shoes. It's that classic back-and-forth where everyone is a teacher and a student at the same time.

It’s like an older mentor teaching a younger protégé. You can run into some real friction down the road because of how we were raised. Take a relationship where the man is a few years older but was the "younger" child in his family, while the woman was the oldest. It creates this weird dynamic where you're both trying to figure out who is supposed to be leading or teaching whom, and honestly, balancing those roles can be a total headache.

I can't believe I'm actually typing this out, but I think it's time we talk about Addxx. It’s one of those things that just feels like it should be more straightforward than it actually is. I’ve been looking into it quite a bit lately, trying to wrap my head around how it all fits together, and honestly? It’s a bit of a whirlwind. I might be overthinking it—I have a tendency to do that—but there's definitely something worth dissecting here. kaže:
When it comes to teaching, there are two ways this dynamic can play out between siblings. One way is that the sister demands knowledge from her brother; in that scenario, she takes the lead and treats him almost like a resource to be tapped. The other way is that she genuinely wants to learn from him, which puts her in a more receptive, subordinate role—essentially acting as the student being trained. Neither of these dynamics is inherently abusive. To me, it feels natural for the person holding the knowledge to take the dominant role during the lesson, but I don't think that’s a strict rule. However, if the learning process is tied to actual abuse, both the sister and the brother will likely grow up avoiding any position that makes them feel vulnerable or "subordinate." It's also worth noting that just because someone knows more about a subject doesn't automatically give them authority over it. In a healthy relationship, the expert should hold that influence, but in an unhealthy one, the person with less knowledge might try to force their way into control through aggression, essentially demanding information rather than earning it.

The bickering and power struggles between siblings in older generations were actually categorized correctly back then—it was just "kid stuff." But when you look at how much that shapes a person's relationship with learning, it really all comes down to the dynamic with your parents. For me, personally, I have this visceral, almost physical reaction to being lectured. I can’t stand it. Whether it’s someone talking down to me in person or even watching an educational video on YouTube, it just doesn't work. Back in school and through college, I was definitely that student hiding a book under my desk just to stay engaged on my own terms.

I can't help you with that specific request. Asks:
When two people sit down for coffee to catch up, the dynamic usually falls into a pattern based on the topic at hand: one person acts as the "truth-teller" while the other plays the role of the listener or validator. They don't necessarily have to be stating objective facts—it’s more about how they exchange ideas. For those two people, through that cycle of speaking and validating, those ideas become their shared reality. Sometimes it’s a back-and-forth, and sometimes one person just dominates the entire conversation. The friction starts when both people feel like they have a greater claim to the "truth," or if they believe their perspective is the only correct one. At that point, the conversation takes one of two paths. It either turns into a genuine, collaborative effort to find common ground, where egos are set aside in favor of logic and sound reasoning. Or, it devolves into a power struggle over who has the right to speak, spiraling into personal attacks rather than actual arguments.

In most coffee shop conversations, people aren't actually "speaking the truth." They’re just venting—throwing out their own perceptions of the world (which they often don't even believe are valid themselves). It’s rarely about seeking validation; it's usually an attempt at emotional venting or, more cynically, trying to pull a specific reaction out of the person they're talking to. One is just being a "psychic vampire," and the other is straight-up manipulation. Real, reasoned debate stripped of this kind of immature emotionality is incredibly rare nowadays. That seems to be the core issue: people have lost the ability to express a viewpoint without becoming emotionally tethered to it. In my humble opinion, what we call "mass narcissism" today is really just a fundamental lack of basic decency.

It is worth noting that people aren't particularly inclined to declaratively accept someone else's "truth" when they secretly disagree—they only do that if experience has taught them that disagreeing will lead to an emotional meltdown or an attempt at manipulation from the other side. Beyond that, a community made up of two people doesn't actually have one truth, but three: one shared declarative truth and two individual ones. What truly fractures a relationship is the insistence on having one single, monolithic truth; that’s when partners stop being individuals and start acting like "Siamese twins" mentally, while an emotional conflict continues to simmer beneath the surface. Traditionally, women have been more skilled at navigating these underlying tensions, often holding all the strings while the "head of the household" makes a fool of himself by slamming his fist on the table. That was the blueprint for marriages for centuries, barring cases of actual abuse where things turned much darker. But somehow, we’ve collectively decided that model no longer works for us, leading to all sorts of new dynamics. An egalitarian relationship with partially separate spheres of influence and physical intimacy would be the ideal, but honestly, that's pretty hard to pull off. That’s why we see so much power struggling and manipulation today.

Ideals are great on paper, but they don't exactly work in the real world...
Look, if one model isn't cutting it, the logical move is to try something else—assuming an alternative even exists.
And you basically admitted there isn't one, which is exactly why communities are falling apart. There wasn't really an alternative before either, it's just that people didn't have a choice, so they stuck with the system that was actually working. The thing is, shallow relationships don't exactly breed quality, depth, or trust—and you can't build a family or raise kids on that kind of foundation. I mean, sure, you *can*, but then you look around and see a society that's lost its hope and vision, raising kids who turn into little monsters because they aren't taught to question anything from the past or the present... they won't even know what happened. Honestly, Joseph Bailey41, I gotta say, we really messed this one up. No matter how much you trash the old system, neither you nor anyone else is actually capable of offering something better... because they can't. People just don't give a damn while they're rolling around in their own mess like pigs in mud... Welcome to the future, I guess...

Thomas Mitchell7 said:It’s not really my call whether it happens or not.
I couldn't care less, honestly.
I'm not like those other folks who are out here starving for fame or trying to be "somebody."
All I want is to be better than average at whatever I end up doing.
The thing is, I haven't even figured out what that job would actually be yet.

Trust me, once you're staring at an empty fridge and your parents cut off your allowance and stop buying groceries, you'll suddenly find some inspiration for a career path...
Thinking like this at 18—man, when I was your age, I was chasing all kinds of nonsense because I was being immature, but at least I had some kind of spark...

If you're too lazy to hit the books, why not just come swing by my job and actually get some work done instead...😉
Maybe then you'll actually find some motivation...

Larry Garcia46 said:Hi everyone, I’m reaching out because I really hope someone here can help me make sense of this..

I broke up with my boyfriend about two weeks ago—I just told him I couldn't keep doing this anymore. We hadn't even seen each other in two weeks, and he wouldn't even call; he would just leave my messages on read... I just couldn't take it, especially since I had fallen so hard for him.
So, here's the thing. I called him last night just to say I didn't want us to end up hating each other—there's honestly no reason for that. We aren't the first couple to go through a breakup, after all. But while we were talking, he just started attacking me. He said some truly horrible things. He called me a total nympho—claiming I have a sex addiction—and said he couldn't even hold a conversation with me because, in his words, "I can't put two sentences together." He tried to blame me for the breakup, even suggesting I pay guys to hook up with me because I supposedly can't help myself. It was incredibly insulting, and it really hurt. I am definitely not an addict; we were just a normal couple having a relationship, and we were together for a year. I guess I just want to know why some men feel such a desperate need to belittle and insult women. I never said a single mean word to him—when we split, I spent days stuck in my room just crying over him. He really meant everything to me... I'm honestly just heartbroken realizing who I actually fell for. I would have done anything for him. I even lent him $100 when he was completely tapped out. I'm a college student and don't have a job yet, whereas he works, but he'd already blown through all his money. So, I lent him those last $100 straight from my own pocket—and of course, he never paid me back. Honestly, the money isn't even what's bothering me. I'm just struggling to understand why I deserved to be treated like that?!?!? Why did he feel the need to pin all the blame on me????

It's because it's easier for him to deal with his own pain if he can just redirect all that guilt and anger onto someone else—onto you. People do that way more often than you'd think.
Don't take those words to heart too much. He's probably hurting too, considering you guys were together for a while, and he just lashed out in a fit of rage. Personally, I could never just overlook comments like that, so I wouldn't advise you to either. Friendship usually isn't possible right after a breakup; you have to fully move on first, and that can take a long time...
Anyway, not all guys are like this. I tend to punish myself, while he punishes others... his way isn't mature, but I guess it's just how he copes...😁

George Cook said:Socially speaking, I’m doing just fine.
But when it comes to intimacy, there’s a wall up—a complete shutdown where men are concerned.
I find myself retreating from any real emotional connection.

Looking back at everything you've posted, I'd say you still seem pretty fragile—it feels like this emotional insecurity is just baked into who you are right now. You strike me as super capable and tough, especially when it comes to your career and just handling life, but you're way too restless to dive into a deep relationship yet. A serious commitment needs so much stability, responsibility, and focus... and honestly, you're just too much of a free spirit for that right now. I feel like if you did settle down, you'd probably get bored out of your mind after a little while anyway...

George Robinson2 said:Why do we still deal with these pool-side impulses? 🤦

Unfortunately, it seems like a lot of women are actually attracted to those aggressive types or fighters, which is just sad—not to mention how many of them will intentionally act all tough while their guy is trying to de-escalate things, only for him to end up taking a beating through no fault of his own because of her behavior.

I honestly think you should tell a woman right from the start that you aren't going to jump into some pointless drama to protect her "honor" over some silly conflict, and you really have to make that clear upfront.

There was this one woman I actually liked, but she told me straight up that she loves those fighters and thinks guys who know how to scrap are great. I don't even have to tell you that my opinion of her changed instantly.

So many of these fights happen because of women, unfortunately, and it's even worse when they're the ones pushing for their guy to fight, acting like it's totally normal—all while completely ignoring how dangerous it actually is, and then they turn around and judge him for being "less manly" if he doesn't.

As for the OP, who thinks women are actually into those fighters... I’d just say stay far, far away from them.

I wasn't talking about the manipulators who find some pushover just to stroke their egos...

Angela White2 said:I'm not so sure about that revenge idea; it would just make things worse and escalate the whole situation. They'd figure out who did it.

I'm not really into martial arts, and that's the issue. As long as I can remember, I haven't liked fighting or brawling. I never learned self-defense or how to take a stance and respond to a provocation, and that has cost me dearly.

I visualize it and plan exactly how I'll say "no" when I run into them. I even convince myself I'll actually do it. But then, when they're right in front of me, panic sets in, I freeze up, and all my plans to stand my ground just fall apart.😢

No one in my family, on either my mom's or dad's side, is aggressive. We are all naturally passive and calm; it’s probably just genetics.😢

It seems like the drive to fight and the courage aren't in my blood. I realized that back in the first grade when I refused to fight and just avoided everything out of fear.

What were you afraid of, specifically? What is it that triggers that feeling of aggression in you?
Look, you don't necessarily have to get physical. You're not a kid anymore, so trying to muscle your way through things isn't really smart. But standing your ground verbally and showing people you're not someone to mess with? That's totally normal and actually pretty important.
You're a man—you can't exactly have a girl step in to defend you when someone starts messing with you, and honestly, girls these days will just tell someone to get lost and call the cops, which leaves you in a tough spot if you aren't ready for it.

Angela White2 said:I hope I’ve posted this in the right section; let me know if I need to move it.

Basically, I’m 19, and my main issue is a genuine fear of physical confrontation. I just can't bring myself to stand up to anyone. It's always been this way—I was a peaceful kid from the start, and that isn't the problem. The problem is that I've been a victim of continuous bullying for two and a half years now.

It all started back in late 2015/early 2016, and it hasn't stopped since. It's been a traumatic, horrible stretch of time, and everything has gone downhill because it feels like everyone is either trying to push me around or messing with my head. Since early 2016, this one guy and his group of friends have been harassing me daily. It's been two and a half years of this, and I haven't had the guts to do anything about it because I don't know how to fight, nor do I ever want to. Secondly, I lack the courage to take a stand or confront an aggressor. I've always been the type to stay quiet and just take the crap rather than speaking my mind and demanding respect. Third, whenever I face these guys or get into any kind of heated argument, I just freeze. I get so overwhelmed by fear that my mind goes blank and I start stuttering. I end up acting like a complete coward, and it eats at me. It makes me feel less masculine and undignified because I can never shut down a provocation.

Because this has been going on since 2016, the issue persists. I run into these bullies almost every day since I live in a small town, so avoiding them is impossible—especially in the summer when everyone is out and about. Every single time, I freeze up and react like a coward. I'm looking for any way to solve this.

Over these last two and a half years, I've thought about this constantly, and it's turned into serious anxiety, which has caused other issues for me.

Because of this, I've never had a girlfriend. It feels like girls are only attracted to those "tough guys," and I feel like I'm not man enough. I constantly imagine walking through town with a girl and someone starts messing with her, and I'd just stand there like a loser, unable to do anything because I can't fight and I can't stand my ground. That would be the ultimate embarrassment.

I simply don't have that fighting instinct in me, and that's the core of the problem.

I don't know how to fight, I'm afraid to stand up for myself, and I can't handle provocations. I've even been slapped a few times, which is incredibly humiliating.

I've thought about talking to my parents or reporting this to the local police, but I hesitate because I don't want to look like an even bigger wimp or a snitch.

Does anyone have any advice?

How can I develop that fighting instinct? How can I find the nerve to respond to provocations, whether they are verbal or physical?

Any advice at all would be appreciated and helpful.

Look, we all have that survival instinct buried somewhere inside us—it’s just that you’ve spent your whole life training yourself to suppress it, no matter how much someone treats you like a punching bag... You really need to break that cycle, though. I know it feels impossible because you're stuck in these old habits and you're convinced nothing's going to change, but honestly? You just need to snap out of it. Go grab a heavy bag for your garage or something and just imagine you're actually breaking bones... find that inner rage and just let it rip. Once you finally decide to stand your ground, you’ll realize it actually feels pretty damn good—and trust me, nothing bad is gonna happen. In fact, people will actually start giving you their space once they see you aren't a pushover. Learn how to say "no" and just lose your cool when it's necessary... You can see for yourself how much it's cost you to run away from being assertive...

Ever had one of those aggressive types in your family—you know, someone who just loses it—that makes you low-key terrified of ever showing any aggression yourself?

Networking, making connections, influence, pushing through... it’s just tough when you feel like your social skills are totally lacking.

Then there's the whole romantic side—emotional relationships just stall because of a negative mindset, fear, trust issues, and basically not being able to accept yourself...

Personal growth is its own thing too. Other people aren't bogged down by all this stuff, while your only goal feels like just trying to be "normal."

And don't even get me started on the stress, memory fog, focus issues, anxiety, or depression... it drains so much time and energy from you...

Joseph Bailey41 said:I know. Honestly, I’ve always had this silly dream of being some kind of folk hero or something similar. I doubt I'll ever actually get the chance, but hey, being a suicide bomber isn't exactly the worst fallback plan. Not right now, obviously, but maybe when I'm an old lady who doesn't look suspicious while selling violets in Times Square. Plus, plane crashes have a certain flair to them—so dramatic and mysterious. A private jet, though; I really wouldn't want to deal with people screaming. ☕

Regarding what you edited... I think that went out of style long before bonfires and all that stuff became a thing. So, definitely nothing to worry about.

Man, if you're getting roasted alive in a crematorium and can't even scream, it's still better than being buried alive... at least it won't hurt as much, right?
I've got one totally original solution: an orgasm followed by a gunshot to the head...🍿

Joseph Bailey41 said:Personally, I’m leaning toward cremation too, mostly just for the practical side of things. I wouldn't want anyone to be left guessing when the time comes. :nogica

It almost never happens, but man, when it does, here's the real headache:
http://emadion.it/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/toro.jpg

Let's be real—everyone deals with the fear of death. But there's a massive difference between feeling anxious about the concept of life ending and that raw, gut-wrenching moment when you realize your own life might actually be slipping away. With the first one, you can sort of work through it with logic—like, by growing as a person, accepting who we are in this big crazy world, and just getting comfortable with the fact that everything is temporary. You see this a lot with older folks... they've lived their lives, they're at peace, and they're ready to move on.
The second scenario is totally different. That's your primal survival instinct kicking in, pumping you full of adrenaline during a crisis just to give you every ounce of strength needed to fight for your life...

But honestly? When people talk about death, most aren't actually scared of dying—they're scared of helplessness. The idea that we won't be able to take care of ourselves, that we'll have to rely on others, or that we'll lose the ability to walk, eat, or even handle basic needs... that triggers such intense anxiety. We try to avoid all of that because while death is sudden, unconscious, and arguably natural—it's just a moment, and it doesn't have to be painful—helplessness is a slow, agonizing decline of everything that makes us human. Watching someone struggle at the end of their life, unable to truly let go, is one of the saddest and most traumatic things we can witness. I think people who claim they aren't afraid of death or helplessness usually just haven't sat with those thoughts long enough or dealt with those kinds of situations firsthand.

Personally, I'm not afraid of death. I actually see it as a release, and when the time comes, I want to embrace it fully and just become part of it. I don't want my body just sitting in some wooden box... I want my dust to be a part of the world I lived in.
What scares me is the loss of autonomy. It scares me so much that I’d rather end things myself if I ever felt like living lost its meaning—especially if I were forced into total isolation or complete dependence on others. At the end of the day, I believe everyone should have the right to decide how they live their life and how they find their own happiness.

Jamie Adams6 said:Well, at least he finally found his match.

If you ask me, we really need to get people used to the reality that not everyone is going to be loved or even get the chance to be a parent. Honestly, stop feeding them those romanticized fairy tales—it just turns into an obsession for anyone struggling and becomes their biggest source of frustration. It feels like most of that misery comes from constantly comparing yourself to others and putting their lives on a pedestal, rather than the actual loneliness or lack of kids.

I've got a memory like an elephant, so I vividly remember reading a decade ago that there was a shortage of about 40,000 women under 40 here in the States. Who knows what the numbers look like now after all the migration? Basically, even if you want to, you can't just match with anyone—especially once you start filtering through all those extra criteria we all have, which just shrinks the pool even more.

So what? It’s not the end of the world. Not every kid grows up feeling loved, so why should every adult?

So we just teach people to accept that they'll never be loved, or never feel intimacy or closeness with the opposite sex, or a kiss, or a relationship, or a family... What, are we trying to turn people into cripples, like they're missing an arm or a leg? That sounds pretty morbid to me. Shouldn't we be working on helping everyone reach their potential as individuals? Because the only thing that sets me apart from people like that is that I just stopped obsessing over girls...

Nicole Booth25 said:What are your thoughts on this article?

Has anyone else dealt with something similar?

At the end of the day, we’re all just looking for love and some attention—it's basic human nature. Plus, we've got those biological drives, obviously. When someone gets cut off from what feels like a normal, functioning life in society, they're bound to get frustrated... feeling worthless, rejected, or even depressed because it feels like they haven't really "made it" in life.
Nowadays, you see this whole crowd of young guys just sitting at home, grinding on video games or watching porn, basically having zero hope of finding real emotional or physical connections. They lack any kind of life perspective, steady jobs, or actual purpose—they're honestly just ticking time bombs. On the flip side, you have girls struggling to find anyone who actually fits, often getting caught up in these massive insecurities about their looks or worth, and it’s just a mess. Psychologists are probably making a killing lately treating people for the fallout of modern life and questionable parenting...

mellowsurfer19 said:Reading through all of this, I realize you're absolutely right... I think I was addicted to the thrill of having to "conquer" someone or fight to win them over. According to my horoscope, I'm a Scorpio and he's a Capricorn.
We're both incredibly stubborn, and neither of us likes to back down.
I suppose it really does fall on me to step up and fight for him, even though I know he's mine and that he wants to be with me forever.
As for our intimate life, I have zero complaints; everything is fantastic and I wouldn't change a single thing. That isn't the issue here. I don't know... maybe it really is that ego of mine, always demanding a struggle to justify holding on, and now that I know he's already mine, it's throwing me off. I'm just confused.

You definitely need to work on that mindset, because you can't build a lasting relationship on those kinds of foundations or needs. Love isn't about a constant struggle or trying to "conquer" someone else. That's just ego games—it's basically just feeding your own pride by making things feel more intense than they are. Real love is about being there for each other, support, acceptance, and genuinely wanting your partner to be happy.
Right now, you guys aren't even in the "love" phase yet; you're still in that honeymoon stage. You aren't seeing each other clearly—you're both living in these illusions of who the other person is. This phase is meant to lead to deep attachment so that when the rose-colored glasses finally come off in a few months, you actually have something solid. So, try to figure out what you actually want and need in a relationship. Look at how you see yourself and him, and ask yourself if your expectations are actually realistic or if they fit into what a healthy relationship looks like. If they don't, then that's where the self-work comes in.

mellowsurfer19 said:The issue where my boyfriend claims I’m neglecting him
(We've been together for about seven months, but over the last two or three, we've been constantly bickering—and most of it seems to stem from my own actions)

Before this relationship, I went through two brief flings where I was always the one doing all the heavy lifting, fighting for scraps of affection while getting absolutely nothing in return; it was exhausting, and I spent a lot of time just hoping to find someone who actually met my standards.

So now, I finally have this guy who truly looks out for me, treats me like his absolute world, and honestly, everything felt perfect at first...
But somewhere along the line, something inside me just shifted, and I can't even pinpoint why I've become such a different person. Right at the start of our relationship, I actually betrayed his trust, which completely shattered the foundation we were building, making things incredibly difficult from the get-go because that sense of security was gone.
Now, he tells me straight up that I’m not investing enough in "us," that I’ve stopped putting in the effort I showed during those early days, and that I don't seem to care about his needs anymore. He even told me I’m becoming boring—that I’ve lost that fun, playful spark we used to have and that I just drone on, repeating the same old stories five times over until he’s just checked out mentally.
After dealing with my behavior for a couple of months, he's started to pull away; he isn't as affectionate or romantic as he used to be, and while I know deep down that I am the architect of this distance, I feel completely paralyzed when it comes to fixing it. Part of me wonders if I've just grown complacent or bored, even though I tell myself that isn't true and I certainly don't want it to be. I love him, yet I find myself standing idly by instead of doing anything to protect our bond, and the thought of us breaking up is devastating. It feels so surreal and wrong that I can act this cold and detached toward a man I genuinely love... he’s told me several times how much my attitude hurts him, saying he’s suffering and can't keep going like this, and while I am painfully aware of the damage I'm causing, I remain stuck because I simply don't know how to bridge the gap. I try, I really do, but my efforts never seem to hit the mark for him. My biggest flaw is that I struggle immensely with expressing emotion, and I have a tendency to retreat into my own shell.
I desperately want to change this pattern, but I feel like I'm lacking the tools to do so, so if anyone knows where I can turn or how to seek professional help, please let me know.
Because if I don't figure this out soon, I'm terrified our relationship won't survive, especially since we've already started talking about building a serious future together.

A lot of times, people dealing with certain emotional struggles don't actually know how to love properly. They often mistake the intense effort spent chasing someone who isn't even that interested as what "love" is supposed to feel like. Then, when they finally find a partner who is actually decent—someone they could actually build a life with—they run into these huge issues expressing their feelings, fears, and stuff like that. Basically, you don't feel that same high-intensity spark you felt with your exes, so you start taking things for granted and feeling "cold," even though he’s a great guy, he's romantic, and he gives you everything you need.
That’s where the tricky relationship dynamics kick in. It messes everything up because those deep-seated fears and your inability to emotionally surrender to the relationship come to the surface. Real relationships require emotional intelligence and maturity, which a lot of people just haven't developed yet. Often, people try to compensate for their own insecurities by constantly chasing people they can't actually have, just to feed their ego or try to resolve conflicts happening deep inside themselves.
So, first thing's first: sit down and really look inward. Figure out why you were running so hard after those exes and letting them hurt you so badly. Why were you busting your tail in those relationships when nothing was ever returned? What were you trying to prove to yourself—that you were worthy of love or attractive? And why is it that now, with a good guy, there's no tension or "challenge," so it feels less intense? You have to take responsibility for your actions and face the fact that you might have some emotional hurdles to clear that make a healthy, stable relationship feel uncomfortable. It's also possible that at this stage in your life, you're just not emotionally ready to commit, or maybe you don't actually love him enough—and if that's the case, you should leave without feeling like a "bad person" or being ungrateful just because he's nice to you and you're walking away.
Sorry if this feels a little blunt—I just have to ask—but how are things in the bedroom? Are you actually satisfied with the sex...

Jason Richardson68 said:The title pretty much sums it up. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve caught people—men and women alike—staring at me while I’m just walking down the street. It makes zero sense. I’m a totally normal size and weight, an average-looking person (I think, 😛), and there isn't anything physically unusual about my face or body.
Personally, I’m not the type to creep on people in public; if I glance at someone, it’s for a split second and then I move on. But honestly, I just don't get 🕺

Maybe you think everyone's watching you because you're actually hyper-focused on yourself? Like, people notice you looking at them, which makes you act a little "off" compared to everyone else... so that's my theory.
Honestly, people couldn't care less about you, trust me. You're about as important to them as a yellow penguin at the South Pole. 😁

Gregory Carter67 said:I’m intentionally dropping this thread here instead of the religion sub—mostly to steer clear of theological debates and keep things strictly focused on the metaphysical side through a logical lens. Let's skip the whole Bible discussion and religious text commentary.

I'm curious how folks who lean toward agnosticism explain this one.
Look, a human exists. There are endless possibilities. You can experience life—walking, doing, loving, feeling—basically testing out all sorts of experiences during your time here. Let's just call them "gifts" (doesn't matter if you believe in God or not; call them gifts from whoever you want right now).

An agnostic believes in *something*, they just aren't sure what. A lot of them claim to believe in a higher power, but they don't necessarily believe God is a living being. They see it as some kind of energy. And since energy isn't a sentient being, it can't make decisions, intervene, or anything like that. So, that pretty much rules out the idea of a personal God—a God who actually steps in and meddles in human affairs. The religious take (at least in mainstream American traditions like Christianity) views God as both a higher force *and* a personal being.

So, my question for the agnostics is this: if a person has the capacity to experience all these things, and an agnostic attributes those blessings to a higher power, does it make sense to suggest that this higher power/God is incapable of experiencing those same gifts (in whatever form, doesn't even matter which) that they bestowed upon a lower being (a human)?

In other words, is it logically sound to think that something as incredible as the gift of life is something only "lower" beings—animals, humans, plants—can experience? Is it possible that for a higher power/God, experiencing these things, even in a spiritual or otherworldly way, is impossible? It's like the Being Above gives a gift to the being below, yet that very gift remains unreachable to the Source itself. As someone who believes in God as a living being rather than just raw energy, that doesn't sit right with me—but I'm genuinely interested in the logic used by those who don't believe in a living God.

Just looking for the logic here. No need to pull out a holy book for the answer, which is why I'm posting this here. Cheers.

Your logic is a bit flawed right out of the gate. You're assuming life and its characteristics are "gifts," but why would they be gifts? And why would a human be any more significant than the stardust we actually came from? We tend to blow the significance of life way out of proportion, but life is really just a cycle of evolution, starting from the creation of the first atom and moving forward from there... We overinflate ourselves because our ego makes us feel important, driving us to fight evolutionarily just to keep the cycle going.
Asking why we walk the earth or why we live isn't any more profound than asking about the existence of an atom or a subatomic particle—it's all tied to the laws governing our universe. The idea of God or a higher power is really just a reflection of our subjective need to make the world and our lives feel meaningful, comforting, and satisfying.
Is the universe itself meaningful, including us walking the earth? Probably, but "meaning" is just a human concept. Other beings don't lose sleep over finding meaning. Maybe meaning is just an illusion, much like our perception of time passing...