See? Those two are stuck in an endless debate over nothing on the other thread—meanwhile, there are plenty of simple ways to reach those amazing states of mind... 👍 As for the technique, I’ll wait for some warmer weather before I give it a shot, but I can already picture how powerful it'll be. By the way, just like Walter Carter2, I practice breath meditation too, and honestly, it’s great.
At the end of the day, everyone has their own path and their own journey; people experience things at their own pace and when they're ready. That's just how it works.
If you aren't comfortable trying to revive a relationship, then don't—simple as that. If you don't actually believe it’ll work, don't bother either. Please be a bit more specific, Carl Anderson76—not for my sake, but for yours. If you just miss the feeling of being with him, ask yourself if that's really enough of a reason to try resurrecting something that's already dead... Breakups rarely happen for "stupid" reasons. Well, the actual trigger is usually trivial—just the last straw in a long line of issues—but the underlying cause isn't. It seems like he's trying to move on, and honestly, he's probably just as confused as you are. Don't worry, things will settle where they should; just don't force yourself or the relationship if it feels like an uphill battle.
And one more thing to take off your plate: I don't think anyone has ever actually died from a broken heart or a messy breakup. You'll survive this.
Ronald Rogers27 said:I agree. There’s a huge chance that behind her "leader" persona, she’s hiding someone who is extremely vulnerable and insecure. Isn't it common for highly intelligent people to be like that? Usually, high IQ comes paired with high EQ. 😉
They don't. Personally, I love it when you guys message me whatever pops into your heads. I should probably reflect on a lot of what's been said. I try to run analyses on it—staying impartial and weighing the pros and cons. 👍
I didn't say anything negative. I just shared my opinion, even if it was wrong. Another thing is that some people just don't know how to have a discussion or swallow a few imperfections about their partner. I can do that with myself. I've been through a lot in life, and I certainly don't think I'm perfect or some special person the world revolves around. 😛
Yeah, using the phrase gotten rid of/freed isn't quite right. Maybe it would be more accurate to say: an amicable breakup initiated on her end.
Don't get me wrong, I definitely form opinions about people the second I see them, but usually, it's people judging *me*. Most guys get a pretty negative vibe from me right off the bat, which, honestly, isn't a bad thing. I'd rather be seen as a guy you shouldn't mess with than some "nice guy" type. Women tend to have very black-and-white views of me immediately. That kind of karma has been following me around for at least ten years now. 😁
I rarely miss the mark when I'm sizing someone up, though I've definitely had those moments where I was dead wrong and took a hit for it. At the end of the day, these are just mental shortcuts, NOT absolute laws of nature...
Nostradamus was a one-of-a-kind deal, and he'll stay that way... 😉 _______
Anyway, thanks everyone for the comments! 👍
Ronald Rogers27
Exactly what I mean. You basically have two choices: soften that bluntness to maintain more connections, or stay exactly as you are and just filter out the fake, insecure types. It’s really up to you which path you take.
Women tend to have a black-and-white view of me right off the bat—that kind of karma has been following me for at least a decade. 😁
Like I said, it's either total directness or nothing. Which might actually work in your favor. I tend to be a bit sharper with men early on—no filter, intentionally provocative—just to see who I'm dealing with. If they turn out to be weak, then bye-bye. So, it’s actually useful.
Nicole Davis7 said:😕 And once they hit 18, you just stop being their mother or whatever?
😵
I said legally responsible until 18. Once people hit adulthood, they make their own calls—it's how it works. I’m not saying you cut ties with your parents entirely, but they have that right. You're a parent for life, and they're your kids as long as you're around.
Ronald Rogers27 said:Did I mess up just because I was honest? I kept my tone humble and tried to be conciliatory, but now I'm wondering if that was a mistake. 🤷 Probably ( 😕 Would it have been better if I’d just played some shallow, little game? If I had stayed sweet, charming, and warm—keeping up appearances until we hit that point of virtual intimacy where all the masks finally slip? Because once they fall, you see the truth: a fundamental mismatch in how we feel and empathize, driven by totally different emotional weights. Have you even considered that this approach—this way of dealing with painful experiences—is exactly why I’ve been burned so often by women, both online and in my actual life? 😕
I won't even get into my own life story... Honestly, Donna Wood52 has already pointed out exactly how much of a mess I can be! 🤣
I figured she was never actually going to want to meet up in person. There are certain techniques you can use—sort of like a gut feeling or premonition—to read the room. But she definitely wanted to talk to me. Honestly, I was surprised by how much she truly wanted to get to know me through our chats.
Look, there are probably good reasons for it again, but let's not get sidetracked, ladies. 😉 _______
I wrote these two responses as a reply to everyone. Once again, thank you all for reaching out. Your advice is helping me make sense of what actually went down, especially since I realized I was judging personalities way too fast. 👍
Ronald Rogers27
Sure, you missed the mark there—but that doesn't mean your reasoning was off. Trust your gut if it’s serving you well; it can be a pretty solid asset in just about any area of life.
The only mistake you made was throwing that estimate right in her face—it’s like you were punishing her for being completely transparent. Personally, I wouldn't have held it against you, but she did. You can't really predict how people handle things like that. Then again, if there's zero chance of building a real connection, maybe cutting ties was the move. Hell, you never know...
I love people who judge someone’s entire existence based on a first impression—and then have the nerve to claim they "never get fooled." 🙄 Not that this was directed at you—but honestly? It’s probably more useful to just watch someone for a bit—maybe because that's my move—to actually spend some time with them and judge based on their actions and attitudes instead. You can always make your exit whenever you want.
Look, if you want to stop getting hurt and avoid those awkward encounters—fine, just stay blunt. But honestly? You’re probably going to miss out on some good stuff that way. Find a middle ground. It’s perfectly okay to have an opinion—it doesn't mean you have to immediately dump it on the other side if you aren't 100% sure yet.
I used to be totally weird about kids—I love other people's children, but I’m just not sure about my own. When a friend comes over and lets her toddler run wild, honestly, I feel like I should be the one chasing him. Or better yet, put him under a glass dome so he doesn't trip and hurt himself. I think I'd be way too overprotective with my own, which isn't exactly healthy. Then again, the whole spit-up and mess thing isn't exactly my vibe. Plus, my life is already so packed; I have no idea how I'd squeeze a kid into the schedule.
So, I was watching Sunday Night Football, 1 vs 100, Conor McGregor. Tarik asks him if he’s married, and he says no. It hit me right then—this guy made a massive fortune on game shows and probably lives pretty comfortably. Except he has nobody to share it with. No one to leave it to. 😢 In that moment, something clicked, and I realized that despite everything, I actually want kids. Despite the chaos and the lack of free time. Once I get my life together, I can make it happen. But not yet—I need a steady job, an organized house, a stable marriage.
Also, an acquaintance told me she wasn't crazy about kids either, but her hormones took over and now she absolutely adores her "little nuggets." She calls them that out of love, just so there's no confusion.
Generally speaking, I think civilization has progressed enough that we can decide for ourselves if and when we want to have children. Social pressure is the worst reason to do anything. After all, we're creating a life that we are responsible for during those first 18 years. And besides love, that new life needs a lot of other things. If someone thinks they can't provide that, or simply doesn't want to, they're better off not bringing a child into the world.
granitebadger said:I’m posting this in good faith, and I’m new here, but I can hardly believe what I’m reading. Think about it: why don't you want that child? Is it because, deep down, you’re still just emotionally stunted little girls who think life is about receiving attention rather than giving it? Where does all this coldness come from, hidden behind such ridiculous rhetoric? I agree that everyone has a right to choose, and I support that. But spiritually immature women—those who will always remain small and needy—should be denied sterilization. Otherwise, if you do have a child, they will turn out exactly like you: bitter and pathetic. They won't have anyone to turn to. So perhaps it is better that you don't give birth. It's sad. You call this "reproduction"? It’s a textbook example of emotional immaturity. We are all shaped by our childhoods and our parents. Some people escape with minor consequences for themselves and their partners, while others face much more serious fallout. Perhaps it was an older sibling who left you feeling unloved, or perhaps it was parents who were just as cold and immature as you are now. That is the most common pattern. For us mature women, "reproduction" isn't the only goal. However, it is a true litmus test for whether you are ready to give. Not just take. And you should realize that you will never reach a level of receiving that is enough for you. It’s essentially a bottomless pit. Always wanting more, and more, and more...
This isn't a judgment. I am simply saddened by people who were so deeply neglected during their upbringing.
I am an unconventional, multifaceted person living a fast-paced life. But... I have a son, and I have dedicated myself to him completely. Wow! (The capacity to give). Today, we are friends who laugh at the same jokes. He has style, he's witty, he's incredibly intelligent, and girls adore him. He’s kind, ---- and my greatest achievement in life. You can be whatever you want to be in your lives, but you will never be whole individuals. Because you aren't capable of it. Of giving. Tragic. Truly tragic...
🙏 Right, because that sounds like something a totally enlightened, mature soul would say. 🙏
Would you mind educating us on which specific brand of spirituality requires rejecting everyone else? Since you're so much more evolved, surely you have the answers to all those other ways of "giving." The fact that you're looking for fulfillment outside of yourself says plenty about how "complete" you are. Apparently, any spiritual leaders who chose to serve millions instead of staying home with their families are immature too. I guess even Jesus falls into that category. Bravo!
We're friends now, we laugh at the same jokes, he's got style, he's witty, incredibly smart, girls adore him, and he's so precious, ---- and easily my greatest achievement in life.
Friends? Hmm... sure. I'm with James Collins12 on this one. It's a shame you see your own kid as a project.
mistybison said:She strikes me more as someone struggling with deep insecurity rather than being a true narcissist. It feels like she’s terrified that once her looks fade in a decade or so, she won't be considered "worthy" of love anymore. Of course, that's just my take. It’s nearly impossible to truly judge someone based on just a few sentences. 🙂
I'm with you there. I actually feel bad for women like that—people who achieve so much in life, yet still let themselves be judged solely by their physical appearance.
A narcissist? From what I gather, narcissists believe they are perfection. 🤷 And they think they'll stay that way forever. Of course, they'll never admit they're narcissists—just like egomaniacs won't admit they're egomaniacs. Or people who are too blunt will never admit they're blunt. Like you. But hey, it’s not all bad. Some people just can't handle it.
And it's a shame you went off on her so fast—especially after only a few lines of chatting online. She probably snapped back, too; that’s usually a sign that both sides have finally opened up. It's a pity it ended like that, because building that kind of trust is actually worth something.
Do you actually have an argument for that? Any logic at all? Because I’m just not seeing it... Maybe it's just a difference in terminology—to me, "infatuation" is that whole butterfly-in-your-stomach thing. It doesn't impact my life long-term, so there aren't really any consequences. Honestly, it makes me less cautious, which means I'm less picky. But "falling in love"... that happens once I actually get to know someone. At that point, I decide whether to fall or just walk away. Okay, I'm not exactly running statistical models on every potential partner—I mostly follow my heart—but I still make a choice. The third phase is deciding whether to spend a lifetime with them. That's when I start using my brain a bit more, since love isn't the only factor in the equation.
Ryan Wood98 said:A friend of mine was actually assaulted without even carrying a sign. And honestly, even in a place like Cleveland, we don't really have any skinhead groups worth mentioning.
Carl Ruiz4: "..."
feralhound55 said:First off—I know.
Second—people dress how they want... it's just that they don't always wear transparent signs broadcasting their sexual orientation, religion, or political views, so they aren't necessarily "asking for it." Though, granted, skinheads don't really need an excuse to be violent.
Besides that, a few of my buddies got jumped—not because they're gay. Read a little more... 😉
shadowtrucker18 said:Actually, women had to march in parades just to get the right to vote once, too. It isn't like anyone goes out of their way to be provocative right in front of skinheads, you know?
First off—I know.
Second—people dress how they want... it's just that they don't always wear transparent signs broadcasting their sexual orientation, religion, or political views, so they aren't necessarily "asking for it." Though, granted, skinheads don't really need an excuse to be violent.
Ryan Wood98 said:I don't believe that, specifically, gay people are somehow superior to us heterosexuals—but I feel like I've heard that "we don't march" argument a hundred times already, and it’s quite frustrating because I think it's fundamentally flawed.
We certainly march.
Don't we hold hands, kiss, or maybe even be a little affectionate in public sometimes? Isn't that essentially a parade? Though, I suppose if you ask gay people, they can't really do that without police protection.
I was talking about the annual Pride parade—you know, all the rainbow flags and everything. It’s the kind of thing that actually requires police protection. As for public displays of affection... hm... yeah, I'm with you on that. Though, for what it's worth, I'm all for any kind of love.
shadowtrucker18 said:It’s funny, isn't it? I’ve noticed this pattern quite frequently lately. If someone happens to be dealing with an illness, they are suddenly granted this automatic pass to be seen as brave, wise, or some kind of intellectual giant. But the moment I suggest otherwise, I’m treated like a complete outcast. It seems to be a bit of a trend these days. Personally, I don't believe in idealizing people just because they are fighting something like cancer; having a medical struggle doesn't inherently make someone a better person. Honestly, it’s a little frustrating to watch. What, am I supposed to go out and seek a diagnosis just to be taken seriously? 🤷
Not necessarily—you just have to become addicted to something first, and then deal with the withdrawal. Honestly, the worst part is when people glorify someone who "heroically" conquered heroin, quit smoking, or stopped killing people. If they hadn't gotten themselves into that mess in the first place, they wouldn't have to quit. 🙄
As for this whole "positive discrimination" thing... there are definitely people who exploit being different. Like one TV host put it—we straight guys don't parade around with our own flags like gay people do.
A good person is a good person, regardless of skin color, nationality, physical ability, or especially religion. Same goes for bad people.
And yeah, I fell right into the positive discrimination trap myself. Mostly, I've just been disappointed by all these "spiritual" types.
If I were to explain this without getting bogged down in medical jargon—since I lack the degree—I’d call it a refusal to take ownership of one's own life. It’s just easier to believe someone else is pulling the strings, making them the scapegoat for everything you do (or don't) do. It reminds me of how some parents act—taking credit for every little win their kid has, while blaming the child for any mistake by saying, "I didn't teach them that." Blindly believing in fate is basically the same thing.
So, not exactly a clinical disorder... more like just refusing to grow up. Is our non-colleague off base here? Or am I about to learn something new?
Personally, I find that mindset 😱 impossible. I could never live thinking I have no control over my own choices, or that my luck depends on anyone else.
An ocean of insecurity—a pyramid of fear—little seeds of evil. It’s hard to put into words... what I mean is that this kind of malice stems from uncertainty, from being lost, from that desperate search for identity. Why does a dog bark? Because it's terrified—even if it doesn't look that way to us.
Anyway, he’s still incredibly young... so there's no point in condemning him just yet. Give him some attention, but don't let him drain you dry—it's better for your own sanity.
Ronald Rogers27 said:Whether you liked it or not, that’s just how things go. That's life. Honestly, life is just the Animal Kingdom, and this story proves it. 🤷
Lately, I’ve felt like a frog caught in a bad spot—except even the Scorpions weren't being kind to me. Sometimes a frog doesn't have a choice but to dive into the middle of a lake, risking drowning just to escape the grip of Scorpions and leeches sucking its blood dry.
Life has turned into this massive labyrinth where it's nothing but pure survival... If you aren't the hunter, you're automatically the prey. Sometimes there just isn't a choice. 😁
Well... 😛
Ronald Rogers27
See, there's the catch—there actually is an alternative. In other words, there's a choice. A frog doesn't have to die just because it's in a Scorpion's nature to kill... That's why people hate this narrative—because we have options. Personally, I dig it; it shows how some people are just incapable of taking responsibility for themselves—too gullible, too naive, and they pay dearly for it. Spirituality is about accepting diversity, even the painful stuff, but acceptance and self-sacrifice are two different things. You can accept someone for who they are without giving them a free pass to hurt you. So, the frog could have dove. And it should have.
One of my favorite little psychological observations...
It’s perfect for those people who live by the excuse "well, what can I do if this is just how I am"—using it to justify being an egoist, cheating, being aggressive, or just plain unreliable. It also goes for their partners, who put up with all that toxic behavior because they feel stuck with someone like that... 🙄
As one of my favorite singers once put it: "...if you don't want to change, people will only love you out of pity."
Austin Murphy5 said:Are you perhaps a little slow on the uptake? Has it ever crossed your mind that the individual might simply be stuck in a downward spiral because they aren't sleeping—where the sheer exhaustion starts to warp their perception until they feel like they actually hate themselves? It seems like we’re diving right into the deep end with this one—just a single word hanging there, full of implication. It’s almost like an invitation to start a conversation from scratch, isn't it? I’ve always found that the most interesting discussions often begin with those brief, cryptic prompts that force us to fill in the blanks ourselves. Whether you're looking for a specific insight or just testing the waters to see how the community responds, I'm ready when you are! Let's get into the meat of it. God bless him—he’s already more than enough to deal with on his own, yet somehow he still needs you to step in and lecture him in such a completely aimless, pointless way.
I’m honestly jealous—clearly I’m not on your intellectual level... He definitely didn't think to grab a coffee... what a stroke of genius! Who could have possibly thought of that? Certainly not me, the "dumb" one.
Cause leads to effect, then everything just loops back around. A perfect little cycle.
It’s not insomnia you're dealing with—it's just self-loathing bleeding into how you see everything else. Fix that, and the sleep issues will probably take care of themselves...
Since sleep isn't happening anyway, here's a little food for thought: God never gives anyone more than they can handle... all those hurdles in life? They're just there to build us up...