Posts by Adam Miller46

Rebecca Thomas6 said:I’ve been sitting on this for a while, wondering if I should actually start a thread and just lay my life out there. I really want to get some perspective from you guys—advice, stories, whatever 🙂

So, I’m 19. I was adopted as an infant when I was six months old. I don't know a single thing about my biological parents, and honestly, it never even crossed my mind to look for them. My current parents are my adoptive parents, and there’s a 40-year age gap between us. I don't know what the adoption laws were like back then, but that gap feels massive because of how we see the world...
My mom couldn't have kids, and my dad desperately wanted one, which is why I'm here. Everything seemed fine when I was little—maybe I just didn't notice things back then. I was basically a trophy for them to show off, the reason they felt like "perfect" parents to everyone else. Looking back, maybe they were just trying to fix their own insecurities through me. But now? My mother treats me like absolute garbage. She calls me trash, tells me I'll abandon my own kids one day, calls me every name in the book... she says the worst things imaginable. She turns all our neighbors and friends against me, and especially my dad. It’s like she’s jealous of him because he actually loves me, and she views me as her female competition. She tells me I’ll never amount to anything and that I should just be grateful I have a roof over my head. And yeah, I am grateful, but after years of this psychological abuse (and physical too), I feel like I'm living in a literal hell. She’d slap me or pull my hair out of nowhere. It makes it impossible to live a normal life. She harasses my friends, ruins everything I enjoy, meddles in everything, and just can't stop being malicious. She's disgusting. I can't stand to look at her or hear her voice, let alone be touched by her. She has these phases where she acts sweet, but it's a trap—she's just gathering info to use against me later. This is a huge story so I won't write it all now, but I need to know: who is responsible for letting someone end up in a family like this? I know my biological parents left me, but why did I have to end up in a house that turned my life into a nightmare? No matter how well I hold myself together despite everything, it eats at me. I want to fix this on my own. I've never been a problem child—I had straight As through middle school, went to one of the best high schools in town, and I'm in college now. I don't even go out much. I've never caused trouble. So, where is the problem? What did I do to deserve this?
I didn't report her behavior when I was a minor because I was terrified. You have to understand how hard it is to take action when you're that vulnerable; I was scared of what would happen to me, how I'd finish school, or even make it to college. I finally went to the police recently to report everything she's done, and of course, nothing happened. It's like they're waiting for someone to actually die before they show up and say, "Oh, another victim of domestic violence." They just play dumb. If nobody wants to step in for cases like this, then who will? She's clearly unstable and bipolar, but I'm not a psychiatrist and I can't fix her. And we all know people like that never admit they're sick. I get that it's hard for her not being able to have a biological child, but am I supposed to be her punching bag? No. And honestly, I don't feel sorry for her because she clearly isn't capable of being a parent.

If you're living in hell, why would you consciously prolong the agony by enrolling in college...? Also, what kind of info is she gathering to destroy you (during those "sweet" periods)????

Maybe you should let her touch you. 🙂
People can become even more intensely malicious when they feel unloved, or perhaps they feel their pathetic attempts to fix things aren't being noticed. Who knows, maybe she just craves affection. 🤷 ...

I don't like the title. It could have easily been: retaining a biological child—a natural act that can become a living hell for some—the result remains the same.

Kimberly Johnson4 said:What’s your take on psychoactive therapy? You know, using psychedelics to mess with the subconscious... basically letting the conscious mind take over where the subconscious left off. Having those trips that actually lead to some real answers... Kind of like how certain indigenous groups in South America have used DMT, mescaline, or LSD for ages...
Meditation sounds pretty appealing too, but I honestly have no clue how you're even supposed to do it. Like, what state are you aiming for? How long does a session even last?... Just trying to figure out how to actually improve oneself, I guess...

From what I've heard, psychedelics temporarily dissolve the ego.
It would probably be wise to take them daily for medicinal purposes before heading into work—ideally at a job where you deal with tons of people, though maybe not if you want others to see into your subconscious.🤣
Good grief, are you out of your mind? 😲

Dennis Bailey2 said:Let's take this one step at a time.

I don't really know much about California. I’ll take your word for it that it's like that. As for Washington, D.C., honestly, it doesn't surprise me one bit. I grew up in a tiny town where social circles work vertically rather than horizontally. In a place like that, you find a group of maybe 500 people, and you can actually connect with anyone regardless of their age. If you try to limit yourself to a specific age bracket, you'll end up grabbing a drink with maybe two or three people at most.

The reality in America is that having a simple, sincere conversation with someone of the opposite sex almost instantly triggers unwanted comments. It’s nothing more than pure social primitivism. Honestly, I think it's toxic when a partner reacts aggressively to those kinds of remarks; if they aren't suffering from some kind of psychological issue, then you're looking at a relationship built on incredibly shaky foundations.

Rewrite your post without using slang. 🙄 😂 Oh, I’ll give you an answer that’ll be hard to argue with. ☕ Seriously, why did you go with "Californians" instead of using the slang? It’s just local flavor. 🤷

I’m still of the opinion that:
If everything he’s claiming is actually true, then his girlfriend is pathologically jealous.
What you’re describing isn't "emotional sensitivity." It's just someone who is incredibly unstable and lacks any sense of self-confidence.

If a guy spends years being chased by women only to end up in a relationship with someone younger just because he thinks that’s how the script is supposed to run, something is fundamentally broken. It doesn't add up. 🤷

Please, I sincerely hope you won't take this personally. 🙂 Honestly, I truly hope you aren't tied down to psychology. Not because of you personally, of course, but just... you know how it is.

Rebecca Gonzalez10 said:I'm with you on this!
I'm a California girl studying up in Washington, D.C., and my boyfriend is a local Washingtonian.
Spending time with his crowd, I see it firsthand—their attitude toward older people is totally different. They're cranky, dismissive... and yeah, I get that sometimes, but honestly, nothing beats having a sincere, heartfelt conversation with an older person—especially if they're well-educated, which is a huge bonus.

OT: Sure, you're healthy, but your girlfriend isn't—she's just pathologically jealous.
My boyfriend and I casually chat about actors who hit their 50s and still look incredible. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.🤷

That "pathological jealousy" label isn't quite right. A woman might be sexually frustrated due to dissatisfaction with her partner, leading her to grill him with questions like, "Is she hot?"
"Would you hit on her?"
"Would blonde hair suit me better?"
"Are those losers actually sexy? That one has great legs, doesn't she?"
"Older women don't look bad with a few extra pounds, right?"—just listing random questions here..
But the point is, she doesn't necessarily have to interrogate him or fish for validation because she's pathologically jealous, or perhaps hiding an attraction to women, or even subtly suggesting a threesome. No, she is likely trying to uncover through his answers what specifically turns him on that leaves her feeling unfulfilled. Then, suddenly, he drops a comment about some vibrant, fit older lady, and boom—there's the answer out of nowhere. He's attracted to women in their 60s or 70s. Pervert. 🤣 That is where the real issue lies; she instinctively concludes that her dissatisfaction stems from him not being stimulated enough because, in reality, he's into older women.
And he finally falls for it!!!!!!!—hopefully, I am wrong about this. 🙂
They say the seventh year is the hardest...

I suppose you must be thrilled that a single word gave you the excuse to wipe my entire post, even though
you clearly have no clue that it isn't even used as slang—just as much as giving children royal names doesn't make them racial slurs. That’s how Dennis Bailey2 reacted; he acted as if he had no other way to refute my points. He just pointed his finger like a child, shouting, "Look! I called it racism!" and then tried to act superior, as if he were on some "transcendental" level above me. In reality, he just lacks the capacity to argue against the rest of what I wrote, because this isn't about being right or wrong; it's simply about having fundamentally different views on life.

It is truly wonderful being a moderator and getting to scrub posts that simply don't align with your own personal opinions and logic....
Maybe I missed the mark entirely, or perhaps I completely lost the plot. Even when my writing is blunt, I write in the hope that someone might recognize themselves, or at least find a spark of truth, in my words....

So, let's get back to the author's original point:Am I out of my mind for pointing out something that deviates from the norm?

Dennis Bailey2 said:It honestly baffles me... or maybe it just baffles everyone else, but why does it cause such a stir whenever someone in their mid-30s hangs out with someone in their mid-70s?

I run into this constantly—whether I'm at the office, volunteering with local nonprofits, or even just dealing with family dynamics...🤷

It really depends on where you live. In California, for instance, there is such deep respect for our elders, and people of all ages tend to interact with genuine warmth.
But in a place like Washington, D.C., once you hit a certain age, people practically write you off. They underestimate you, dismiss you, and treat aging like some sort of tragic disaster. You’ll hear people whisper, "Why would someone young even bother talking to them?"
On top of that, I can't tell you how many people would see you having a sincere conversation with a man in his 60s and immediately assume you're involved in something much more intimate... 🤣

Rebecca Miller9 said:To answer your question: I'm sorry you don't realize that interacting with older people can happen through many avenues besides just visiting your parents.
If you're feeling lost, there are plenty of ways—social clubs, sports leagues, even playing Bridge, for instance.

And...you completely missed the point. Even within my own circle of male friends, I never bring up sleeping with someone. It always boils down to whether a woman is attractive or not, and that’s where the conversation ends. (We haven't once commented on how a woman in her 60s looks, and no offense intended to anyone). Explicit comments like that aren't in our repertoire; if I ever make one, it's only because a girl is badgering me until I finally give in and confirm what she's already insisting is true.

I believe I've answered sufficiently and clarified everything that needed addressing.

It feels as though Mr. Hyde wrote this:

Rebecca Miller9 said:I was at a small gathering recently, mostly people aged 35 to 70.
While catching up with everyone, I mentioned that one woman in her mid-sixties looked incredibly fit for her age.
My reasoning was simple: I tend to notice things that deviate from the norm. For most women in their sixties, there’s a common expectation—or at least a stereotype—of dealing with various health issues, carrying extra weight, or lacking mobility and energy. Basically, you expect to see the physical toll of aging quite clearly.
My partner took offense. She’s 25, looks fantastic, and is honestly stunning, but she didn't just feel insulted; she’s convinced that I find older women sexually attractive.
She accused me of acting strangely, suggesting my comment was driven by some sort of sexual fixation. She essentially implied I have a "dirty mind," which has absolutely nothing to do with my actual thoughts or how I carry myself.
The worst part is that now she genuinely believes I’m attracted to women in their sixties...🤣.
I tried explaining that this is just how my brain works—I notice outliers, especially when someone defies expectations (something she has noticed herself many times to her own advantage). Her counter-argument was that I don't comment on young women, yet I singled out an older lady, which to her means I’m viewing these women through a sexual lens. My point was that beauty, vitality, and symmetry are expected in younger people; noticing them isn't special, it's just the baseline. It doesn't make them stand out any more than anyone else.

To give another example: if you ever watch local high school basketball games or even just see retirees staying active in a public park, you might see older guys who look impressively fit. They aren't overweight or immobile. It always makes me wonder what kind of lifestyle they maintained to avoid the physical decline most people experience. According to her logic, that observation alone makes me gay.

On a separate note, we’ve been together for seven years. At this stage, she should know me inside and out; I’m not the type of person to hide my opinions or keep secrets. Yet, she’s starting to throw broad, sweeping questions about our relationship at me.

To justify her claims about my character, she brought up my past:
1. A relationship I had sixteen years ago where I was 21 and she was 36. That lasted two years; every other relationship I've had has been five years or longer with women younger than me.
2. The way I comment on age gaps. I talk about older women at length, whereas with younger women, I might just say they're cute and leave it at that.
3. The fact that I frequently mention how older women are often very accommodating toward me.

I won't bore you further, but based on all of this, is my behavior actually twisted or pathological? Is there any truth to her accusations given the context I've provided?
Thanks for your input.

Simply disgusting.
It all comes down to how you say it.

:*

Rebecca Miller9 said:To answer your question: I'm sorry you don't realize that interacting with older people can happen through many avenues besides just visiting your parents.
If you're feeling lost, there are plenty of ways—social clubs, sports leagues, even playing Bridge, for instance.

And...you completely missed the point. Even within my own circle of male friends, I never bring up sleeping with someone. It always boils down to whether a woman is attractive or not, and that’s where the conversation ends. (We haven't once commented on how a woman in her 60s looks, and no offense intended to anyone). Explicit comments like that aren't in our repertoire; if I ever make one, it's only because a girl is badgering me until I finally give in and confirm what she's already insisting is true.

I believe I've answered sufficiently and clarified everything that needed addressing.

That is a different matter entirely. If you aren't bringing it up on your own accord, but she is actively steering the conversation there, then something is clearly wrong. It suggests some underlying dissatisfaction on her part.Or by oneself. Or with you.It is a classic scenario where the couple almost never has sex. She wants to know why this keeps happening—it's about identifying the problem and eliminating it. On the other hand, she likely feels an attraction toward someone else because she is chronically frustrated, especially since she has everything necessary to be desired, including her looks.
Go on, get them, you smooth talker! 🤣
🙂 Just for the soul. 🙂

Dennis Bailey2 said:Based on what you described in your previous post, that doesn't sound like the case. 🤷

There is a massive difference between actually cheating—or even just contemplating it—and simply being dissatisfied with your partner. There’s also a world of difference between that and saying, "God, Vin Diesel has suchlyyyy INCREDIBLE lats, damn, he's built!" or "Wow, look at those legs on that girl!"
To me, a woman worrying that she'll gain weight during pregnancy and lose her attractiveness sounds more like a borderline pathological issue than being an "emotional person." And frankly, that person is clearly in a terrible relationship if they're actually doubting their partner will ditch them—and abandon his commitment to his own child—just because she put on five pounds. 😲

If my boyfriend lost his mind after a comment like that about Vin Diesel, thinking I was going to dump him or cheat on him with some beefy guy just because he's a skinny twig who doesn't even know where his latissimus dorsi is, then *he* would be the "insecure person," not some "sensitive type."

Some of us expect a certain level of normalcy in a relationship. We shouldn't have to constantly walk on eggshells or worry that sneezing at the wrong moment will make our partner think we're paving the way for an affair... 🤷

If my partner told me he wanted to hit on someone, and he spoke to his girlfriend like that, I would walk right out the door. Honestly, I couldn't care less what kind of legs or whatever that creature has (the one he'd be hitting on). Get out! 😠
The person I am in a happy relationship with is the most beautiful and attractive human being in the world to me. Nothing else on this planet can compare. Not Hollywood heartthrobs, not supermodels, not gods, nothing.
Maybe when I'm 30 or 40, I'll get worked up over some wannabe TV star or some random poser in town. If I want to pretend I haven't reached emotional maturity yet, fine. That's just my late puberty kicking in.

Dennis Bailey2 said:Based on what you described in your previous post, that doesn't sound like the case. 🤷

There is a massive difference between actually cheating—or even just contemplating it—and simply being dissatisfied with your partner. There’s also a world of difference between that and saying, "God, Vin Diesel has suchlyyyy INCREDIBLE lats, damn, he's built!" or "Wow, look at those legs on that girl!"
To me, a woman worrying that she'll gain weight during pregnancy and lose her attractiveness sounds more like a borderline pathological issue than being an "emotional person." And frankly, that person is clearly in a terrible relationship if they're actually doubting their partner will ditch them—and abandon his commitment to his own child—just because she put on five pounds. 😲

If my boyfriend lost his mind after a comment like that about Vin Diesel, thinking I was going to dump him or cheat on him with some beefy guy just because he's a skinny twig who doesn't even know where his latissimus dorsi is, then *he* would be the "insecure person," not some "sensitive type."

Some of us expect a certain level of normalcy in a relationship. We shouldn't have to constantly walk on eggshells or worry that sneezing at the wrong moment will make our partner think we're paving the way for an affair... 🤷

A woman isn't afraid of looking different during pregnancy because she views herself as attractive—in fact, she thinks she looks beautiful. She's afraid because he is unreliable. He's shallow, stupid, and obsessed with physical details. To guys like that, a 26-inch waist is always more attractive than a 49-inch waist, or if it isn't subjective, it's because that's what morons on TV promote.

Dennis Bailey2 said:Based on what you described in your previous post, that doesn't sound like the case. 🤷

There is a massive difference between actually cheating—or even just contemplating it—and simply being dissatisfied with your partner. There’s also a world of difference between that and saying, "God, Vin Diesel has suchlyyyy INCREDIBLE lats, damn, he's built!" or "Wow, look at those legs on that girl!"
To me, a woman worrying that she'll gain weight during pregnancy and lose her attractiveness sounds more like a borderline pathological issue than being an "emotional person." And frankly, that person is clearly in a terrible relationship if they're actually doubting their partner will ditch them—and abandon his commitment to his own child—just because she put on five pounds. 😲

If my boyfriend lost his mind after a comment like that about Vin Diesel, thinking I was going to dump him or cheat on him with some beefy guy just because he's a skinny twig who doesn't even know where his latissimus dorsi is, then *he* would be the "insecure person," not some "sensitive type."

Some of us expect a certain level of normalcy in a relationship. We shouldn't have to constantly walk on eggshells or worry that sneezing at the wrong moment will make our partner think we're paving the way for an affair... 🤷

I expect reciprocity in a relationship. If he is my best, most beautiful, most beloved, and most handsome person, then I should be at least that much to him, if not more. It’s that simple.
Whether he is insecure or just sensitive? I don't care one bit. ☕
Do you get what I'm saying now?

Dennis Bailey2 said:By "sensitive," do you really just mean "insecure"? 🤔

No. By emotional, I mean that I simply cannot imagine being with anyone else besides my partner. Therefore, I expect him to feel exactly the same way about me.
☕

Rebecca Miller9 said:I was at a small gathering recently, mostly people aged 35 to 70.
While catching up with everyone, I mentioned that one woman in her mid-sixties looked incredibly fit for her age.
My reasoning was simple: I tend to notice things that deviate from the norm. For most women in their sixties, there’s a common expectation—or at least a stereotype—of dealing with various health issues, carrying extra weight, or lacking mobility and energy. Basically, you expect to see the physical toll of aging quite clearly.
My partner took offense. She’s 25, looks fantastic, and is honestly stunning, but she didn't just feel insulted; she’s convinced that I find older women sexually attractive.
She accused me of acting strangely, suggesting my comment was driven by some sort of sexual fixation. She essentially implied I have a "dirty mind," which has absolutely nothing to do with my actual thoughts or how I carry myself.
The worst part is that now she genuinely believes I’m attracted to women in their sixties...🤣.
I tried explaining that this is just how my brain works—I notice outliers, especially when someone defies expectations (something she has noticed herself many times to her own advantage). Her counter-argument was that I don't comment on young women, yet I singled out an older lady, which to her means I’m viewing these women through a sexual lens. My point was that beauty, vitality, and symmetry are expected in younger people; noticing them isn't special, it's just the baseline. It doesn't make them stand out any more than anyone else.

To give another example: if you ever watch local high school basketball games or even just see retirees staying active in a public park, you might see older guys who look impressively fit. They aren't overweight or immobile. It always makes me wonder what kind of lifestyle they maintained to avoid the physical decline most people experience. According to her logic, that observation alone makes me gay.

On a separate note, we’ve been together for seven years. At this stage, she should know me inside and out; I’m not the type of person to hide my opinions or keep secrets. Yet, she’s starting to throw broad, sweeping questions about our relationship at me.

To justify her claims about my character, she brought up my past:
1. A relationship I had sixteen years ago where I was 21 and she was 36. That lasted two years; every other relationship I've had has been five years or longer with women younger than me.
2. The way I comment on age gaps. I talk about older women at length, whereas with younger women, I might just say they're cute and leave it at that.
3. The fact that I frequently mention how older women are often very accommodating toward me.

I won't bore you further, but based on all of this, is my behavior actually twisted or pathological? Is there any truth to her accusations given the context I've provided?
Thanks for your input.

Wait, if the meeting included people aged 35 to 70, how old are you exactly?
P.S. Honestly, you sound like a total immature jerk. What business do you have commenting to your girlfriend about which woman looks good or who you would flirt with? She isn't some idiot friend you grab a beer with at a pub🙄
or whatever. What could possibly fascinate you so much about some random old lady that you'd hold onto that information all the way home and then bring it into the house?

Simply put, men who focus too heavily on physical appearance (especially as they reach a certain maturity) are shallow people, and they often possess many other traits linked to that vanity.
Thinking: "I'd go for anyone from 16 to 66, as long as they look good."

That is how they think. Total idiots. ☕
I don't know any emotionally stable woman who would find that acceptable.
A woman might think: "How obsessed with looks is he? If I ever get pregnant😲, gain weight, or change physically, I bet he'll just think—'ugh, she's unattractive or below average'🙂>👎"...and you wonder if he might even cheat on you later.🤷"

It makes you look like a complete degenerate.
If a guy told me he wanted to flirt with someone, I would kick him out of the house immediately...
Quite simply, it is only natural for sensitive people to feel that their partner is the most beautiful and desirable person in the world. Realizing that he views things so differently causes, at the very least, a bit of hurt, if not outright fury...

placidpilot10 said:Thanks for the feedback. I accept whatever answers you have to give, but this isn't manipulation. I know him. I know his soul. I was prepared for anything except this.
He isn’t aggressive. He isn't some macho type or a player. I've been here for over twenty days, and I still have full access to his phone and email. He barely even uses the computer. But this "but" is destroying me. I cannot wrap my head around how someone can love you—how I could have been the most loved person on Earth—and then suddenly just stop. No reason. We've spent the last few days talking. Not fighting, just talking. He tells me honestly that he thinks he's happiest when he's alone. He says he's haunted by what happened to him, by the fact that he can't feel the way he expected to feel, and that everything just bothers him now. He says he feels most at peace when he's asleep. He hopes he'll wake up from this, but I'm losing hope. I see the pattern. I know exactly what I'm risking by staying. I would do anything, even force things, just to fix us one step at a time. When I tell him that, he says he can't. He says it would be an act. He won't hold my hand or kiss me, let alone go to bed with me. He refuses to fake it because he respects me too much as a person. He thinks if we went to bed, it would just be physical release, and he won't do that to me because he knows how much I meant to him. He remembers how powerful it felt when we were good. Then he adds: "And know this, it has nothing to do with you."
It gets worse every single day. I'm still clinging to this tiny shred of hope that he'll snap out of it and become the man he used to be.
We haven't even had enough time together to get tired of one another. In these twenty-some days, only the first three or four were okay. After that, I spent the rest of the time waiting for him to wake up while he spent every day pushing me further away.
I am sad. I am desperate. And I still have no idea what to do. I love him, yet he tells me he feels nothing. On the other hand, I feel worthless and humiliated, and I know I don't deserve this.
Lately, he just withdraws. He sits in front of the TV or sleeps. Every attempt I make to talk about this ends with: "Don't pressure me. I need peace. Just let it go; maybe I'll feel like myself again." I can't relax. I can't shake this tension. I've actually started feeling uncomfortable in this house. Like I'm unwanted. Like I'm a nuisance.
😢((Horrible... just absolute horror.🤷

Try actually stepping back from analyzing all these emotional experiences and focus on concrete facts. Don't hover around him like a needy puppy or, even worse, a toddler begging for attention saying, "Please, love me, just a little bit, please, please!" 😢 Instead, try communicating with him on an adult level.
Speak to him calmly. Remind him—without being insulting—that he is the man for whom you left your job and your entire life back home because he proposed and asked you to move here, and now he's acting like a child playing games. How can he not feel ashamed? Does he think this is some game? You could tell him that later, perhaps after sweetly asking him when his English classes start. If he screws you over there too, then walk away. If he doesn't love you, you won't find any substitute for his dead emotions. Just give him the finger and say goodbye. ☕
Ultimately, if you learn Dutch, work hard for a year, and save up some cash before moving back home to the States, you’ve already come out ahead.
When you really sit down and think about it, stop wondering how he feels about you and start asking what he can actually do for you...

Regarding the gentleman mentioned in the opening post, I honestly first suspected an attachment disorder due to his patterns of ambivalence—that constant cycle of pulling closer then pushing away. He even seeks that fetal-like comfort in bed... though upon reflection, perhaps it's just a reaction to extreme stress.
He doesn't truly know his partner; she isn't a staple of his daily routine. While he enjoys her company and sees potential for life together, their intense feelings lack any grounding in physical, everyday reality, aside from that one annual vacation. He hasn't interacted with her as a living, breathing person for months, and suddenly, one day, she moves in.
That can be quite a shock to the system. Especially if he has been living entirely alone up until this point.
To make matters worse, she falls ill right at the same time a swarm of visiting relatives descends on the house—people he likely hasn't seen in ages. He has to manage the hosting duties while trying to care for her recovery. It is not easy.
And amidst all this chaos, he hasn't even had the chance to actually bond with her. They haven't moved past being digital "holograms" to being actual human beings, unlike during that one trip. This is why I considered a borderline diagnosis; he needs to reconnect with the person and the feeling. But I could be completely wrong.🤷
Perhaps he should consult a specialist.🙂

Linda Bishop4 said:That distance—or perhaps just a different form of unavailability—is a critical factor in manufacturing and maintaining those "peak feelings." A person like that wouldn't even bother falling for a girl next door.
Cheating isn't the goal. Sex isn't the point. They don't care about hookups. For people like this, sex is secondary. He is simply addicted to the "high" of intense emotions. Cheating becomes inevitable as his current partner becomes more familiar and ordinary. Of course, it serves him well that she clings to him; he needs that "peak feeling" to survive.

Their "relationship" has lasted eight months. My estimate is that he probably doesn't have another full-blown partner right now—maybe some online flirting—but he will soon. Now that she is there, the "peak feelings" are gone. These types of relationships can last years, but only if they never actually attempt life together.

People get engaged and then fall for someone else, or they get engaged while already being in love with someone else. It happens quite frequently.

The guy is definitely mentally unstable. But her problem is staying in a relationship like this instead of setting boundaries and packing her bags. If she doesn't, he'll just come back with more sweet talk and empty promises, and she'll go right back to the same cycle.

He doesn't want to say goodbye to her. That is exactly what I fear.

What exactly are you basing these conclusions on?
We know absolutely nothing about this man other than how he's acted over the last twenty days.
Where did you get the idea that he can't fall for someone local, or that he only liked her while she was some unavailable online fantasy? You're suggesting that now that she's becoming more accessible and real, he'll start cheating with someone in town who—miraculously—is both available and exciting at the same time... 😕 ....It doesn't follow.
I prefer to assume we are dealing with somewhat normal people here, rather than internet addicts or teenagers stuck in a permanent state of adolescent fantasy.

Linda Bishop4 said:That distance—or perhaps just a different form of unavailability—is a critical factor in manufacturing and maintaining those "peak feelings." A person like that wouldn't even bother falling for a girl next door.
Cheating isn't the goal. Sex isn't the point. They don't care about hookups. For people like this, sex is secondary. He is simply addicted to the "high" of intense emotions. Cheating becomes inevitable as his current partner becomes more familiar and ordinary. Of course, it serves him well that she clings to him; he needs that "peak feeling" to survive.

Their "relationship" has lasted eight months. My estimate is that he probably doesn't have another full-blown partner right now—maybe some online flirting—but he will soon. Now that she is there, the "peak feelings" are gone. These types of relationships can last years, but only if they never actually attempt life together.

People get engaged and then fall for someone else, or they get engaged while already being in love with someone else. It happens quite frequently.

The guy is definitely mentally unstable. But her problem is staying in a relationship like this instead of setting boundaries and packing her bags. If she doesn't, he'll just come back with more sweet talk and empty promises, and she'll go right back to the same cycle.

He doesn't want to say goodbye to her. That is exactly what I fear.

I would argue that's the exception rather than the rule, and those cases aren't exactly healthy...
Besides, mature adults don't just fall in and out of love constantly based on nonsense like children do.

Linda Bishop4 said:Nicholas King, you hit the nail on the head. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I speak from experience.
placidpilot10, even when he moves on to the next woman (if he hasn't already), he will still insist that everything he told you remains true, but right now, he simply 🙂
placidpilot10, wake up!!

I have just one question:
Why on earth would someone fly a woman all the way from America to the Netherlands if they genuinely find her attractive but don't actually know her—aside from maybe a single romantic getaway? Why bring her there just to cheat or play games, when he could live his life as a free man in his own city and meet whoever he wants, especially with the world-famous nightlife in Amsterdam right there? Beyond that, what kind of maniac falls in love with someone else in just twenty days? Especially after getting engaged and intentionally bringing a woman from another country to meet his family?
My take is that this guy isn't just a manipulator; he’s completely unhinged. He's truly unstable.
This wasn't some casual fling, like a quick trip from Chicago to New York. You don't fly someone halfway across the world and introduce them to your entire family unless you're planning to use psychological manipulation over the next three weeks just to say goodbye.

I mean, what exactly are you expecting from an eight-month long-distance relationship?
Are you anticipating some sudden transformation into eternal love and a perfect marriage just because you spent twenty days living together?
The truth is, neither of you truly knows the other yet. Please don't be angry with me, but it's simply the reality of the situation.

Thomas Rodriguez14 said:I honestly wonder if people even have a conscience—like, are they actually aware of what they're doing in the moment? 😕

Conscience is such a subjective thing. What you consider to be a basic moral standard might actually be someone else's absolute limit.

I read today that it might actually be effective to treat psychopaths, sociopaths, and serial killers with synthetic oxytocin, much like how diabetics manage their condition with insulin.

silverranger742 said:I’d argue it all comes down to brain chemistry. Men and women are wired differently, but if we're looking at efficiency—say, a female serial killer compared to a male one—the woman often comes out on top. It’s just that those types of women are socialized to master that kind of work from a very young age.

And what exactly? Clinical pharmacology combined with toxicology? 🤣

For those who appreciate truly high-quality reading material, here is a real gem. In my opinion, it’s easily the most precise resource out there... So fire up Google Translate and let's dive in 😎
http://www.uplink.com.au/lawlibrary/...Docs/Doc5.html

🙂 This forum feels just like psychotherapy.