Posts by Matthew Hayes14

wiredmarlin29 said:don't do it... you have your own life to live...
altruistic urges have been
below average for a long time now

She's 🙄 always like this..
Life is hollow without other people, empathy, or cooperation..
Without community.. without neighbors or fellow citizens..
Without those right next to us or someone halfway across the country

Even as a woman, I won't go so far as to call this question completely pointless.

There are women who genuinely want children—people who have always envisioned themselves as mothers.

Those individuals are undoubtedly happier once they have a child, or more children.
It’s the same for men; I know plenty who find fulfillment in raising kids
and feel a sense of loss because they don't have more.
Parenting carries significant weight.

Then there are those—both men and women—who simply have no interest in having children.
Some dislike the toddler years, some dread the teenage rebellion, and others realize they just lack the temperament for nurturing or caretaking. They know it, or at least believe it.

And then there's a third group: people who would be happy to have children,
but it isn't their primary focus or the center of their universe.
They aren't miserable if they remain childless.

Mental illness is a different matter entirely. But for some, the drive to parent is incredibly strong,
much like a person's drive for social connection, education, or professional creation.
Some of these drives are discussed more often than others, while some are overlooked.
But we are all different. It is vital to understand yourself and those around you,
and to allow your children, your wife... your husband... everyone...
to reach their full potential.

That's it.

I suspect there might be more to this than just identification.
(I can't quite make out the bottom of the page, but it likely says something similar):

Maybe we get worked up about people who feel like "our own"
simply because we accept them, understand them, and mistakenly think we have some influence over their lives.

My father's work issues might be too abstract. Maybe.
It's possible I can't actually impact his problems at the office,
so getting worked up about it doesn't make much sense either.
(Still—it’s better that way, even if helping him whenever possible is the right move).

Alright. Now I can see the bottom of the page.
So—FedEx actually does empathize with others, but they just hide it or suppress it.
In a way, empathy is just being able to truly experience and perceive someone else's situation.

I don't believe we are only dealing with our own individual struggles.
I am certain we are capable of loving others selflessly and wanting to help them without expecting anything in return.
Obviously, you have to remember we're all just human beings, living our lives, and so on.

I'm not looking to play defense for anyone, but I'm not throwing accusations around either...
Just a thought...

It feels like we rarely actually understand the elderly.
Personally, until recently, I didn't have a clue what aging really meant.
I just didn't get it. I hadn't seen it. I didn't have much proximity or any real reason to care.
You need to spend significant time with an older person
to truly grasp the nuances involved.
Especially if they're the reserved type.
Almost everyone is more fragile, more exhausted, more prone to illness, or more anxious...
Even when they won't admit it.

I'm not sure how things work elsewhere, though... yeah.

In Japan, there's one day a year dedicated to the elderly—it's basically a national holiday.
It’s a day for visiting them; even TV networks feature them on air.
(They mostly focus on the very old, obviously.)

Maybe that’s a solid way to raise awareness about the special attention seniors need?
Show up on a designated day when everything is prepared,
spend some quality time together, reflect...
And then be better equipped for the harder conversations during the rest of the year.

mellowjackal76 said:Getting Grandma to the doctor is a given, but honestly, she could use some actual human interaction too. It’s pretty obvious she’s feeling incredibly isolated 😢

I completely agree. Medication should only be handled by a physician.
And loneliness is bad for anyone, let alone someone whose vulnerabilities are only increasing.

Being in your 80s is hard.
It's also hard to wrap your head around what that really entails.
Over these next few weeks, we should try to experience as much as possible
(though whether everything can be resolved in such a short window remains to be seen),
to find a more permanent solution.

I don't have all the answers,
and I struggle with the loneliness of my own loved one.
Despite being social and active,
despite my attention and the attention of others.

Everything from their former life is missing.
- Reading, for instance—it's tough to read when you're over 80,
and others rarely notice that! -
The husband is gone. The companionship is gone. The male company is gone. The female company is gone.

Missing those friends, both close and distant,
who were always nearby and part of life's fabric
(even if there wasn't enough time to hang out back then... sigh).
All those different activities suddenly feel out of reach...
...or she's just become too slow.

I think it's difficult to grasp what it means to be 80,
and I think we rarely take the time to truly understand,
to act,
...

or even to prepare for our own 80th year.

Yeah. I’m just going to say it again: you'll get through this. But it takes time.
Time to process, time to understand, and time to actually accept it. It takes a lot of time.
It’s still a massive shock—just a heavy wave of grief, sadness, and endless questions.
It will pass. But it won't be instant.

In less intense situations, maybe a sleeping pill helps.
Or even just half, or a quarter of one.
Just be careful with that; you don't want to end up dependent on them.

Hang in there, Lady Gaga. Take care of yourself.

This is why forums exist, and why old friends matter..
They push us to occasionally look past the rose-colored glasses..
(I couldn't help myself)

Though, Maher, literature should theoretically teach us something about love..
Even though I remember my teachers being hit or miss, mine was actually great..
Maybe because I was such a bookworm growing up,
I found plenty of answers to my questions right here on this forum
— within books. My constant refrain is: "Go read..."
"...it captures the experience perfectly."


Happy first day of fall to everyone

driftingtiger2 said:Feeling a bit better today. Got some breathing room at work yesterday—they pushed my deadline to December 31st. So, until then, nobody’s getting fired and I’m not handing in my notice... at least, hopefully.
My philosophy? Things can always get worse, so just keep moving. Don't mope. Whatever happens, the world keeps spinning. And when things truly become unbearable? Well, you can always die. I try not to be overly dramatic, but when everything hits at once... it's hard. I'm so exhausted I almost wish I could just get sick, end up in a hospital bed, and have everyone leave me alone for two weeks without asking for a single thing. 😢What kind of luck would that be? Even in a hospital, I'd probably still be stuck with my work phone and laptop...
Got some new pets, but a dog isn't an option. Living in an apartment means I don't want one sitting there alone all day...

Matthew Hayes14 is right. Sometimes I need that peace you get from cleaning or ironing—just doing chores around the house... putting on some music and working through it. It's funny, I can't actually sit still, otherwise I just start overthinking everything.

Anyway, I've lost 15 pounds in the last six months. I had quite a bit to lose, so I wouldn't say I'm thin now, but I just don't have much of an appetite lately...

Matthew Hayes14 is speaking from experience here. 😂
If you haven't been in those shoes, you won't believe it.
But you survive everything. You pull through, sometimes without a scratch.
The hardest part, though, is the pressure—that weight right before you make the call.
It's the awareness that you actually have the power to impact lives, for better or worse.
A decent manager steps up; they look out for the people under their wing.
But drawing the line on where your responsibility ends? That’s the tricky part.
Knowing when to say, "I've done all I can here."

You either realize it or you decide there are limits to what you owe.

Laughter unlocks hidden potential.
It’s as if we’re living inside bubbles these days,
invisible and overlooked,
or perhaps just waiting to be found.
Then laughter bursts them, flooding us with a sudden surge of strength,
leaving weakness behind.
Or maybe laughter creates something entirely new?

The forum won't let me log in to share a link to some jokes, though I'm sure there are plenty here already.👍

driftingtiger2 said:I get it. I know this shouldn't be funny, but what can you do when it actually makes you laugh? 🙂

So laugh. Why not? Find something decent, something funny, something lighthearted.
Because despite everything going wrong, we still have the option to laugh.

Let's laugh 😉

driftingtiger2 said:Thanks for the support. I know plenty of people have dealt with much worse than this, and I’m not some kind of magnet for bad luck—it’s just life happening.
The issue is that I can't control my own fears, and I've become the rock for everyone—my parents, my husband, my colleagues. At work, I'm responsible for other people's livelihoods, and this month's recession has hit us hard. Everyone expects me to have all the answers when I don't, and I'm terrified we're all going to end up on the street. I can't afford to break because so much depends on me, or so it feels, but I can feel myself fading. I'm starting to get numb. Yesterday, I found myself looking for a sturdy spot in my apartment to hang myself. I remembered someone I knew who used a window latch, and I actually wondered how they managed it... I really don't like these thoughts. 😢

...but I need to rest.

I can't list every single thing hitting me right now,
but if it's too much, it's too much.
I can feel myself fraying at the edges, even if I haven't snapped yet.

Watching people around me head off on vacation,
it's obvious that's not just some luxury.

Even if a full trip to Florida isn't an option—whether because of timing or whatever else—
you can still afford a little change of scenery —and some peace.

After everything that's happened, and before the next wave hits, you have to find sanctuary
(even if it's just a walk or something similar),
and give yourself some quiet.
(Personally, I find washing dishes in the silence helps me recharge—just cleaning up and stuff.
At least I see some tangible progress when I feel like nothing else is moving where it should be.)

Resting isn't optional; it's survival.
It comes before therapy or anything else.
And you have to admit to yourself that things are legitimately hard right now.

Kyle Sanders2 said:usually, people with less value tend to mess with those who have more,😳

I'm talking about the balance of value that gets established

in any friendship or relationship, right at the very beginning

because that's just how it's always been, whether we like admitting it or not,

in every single connection, there's one person who is more dominant

and that friend you reached out to a bunch of times, only for them to

ghost you later, they probably weren't even a friend to begin with.

they were just an acquaintance you wanted to turn into a friend

or maybe something more, which they clearly didn't want to be!!!!☕🙂

Hm. Sometimes it really is like that.

But other times, it's just shyness or something similar,
or disorganization and a lack of time, or just being confused and forgetful..

Also, some people just know how to work a crowd, organize an event, a meetup..
they know how to maintain group dynamics,
or start a group from scratch..
Those types, naturally, reach out, make calls, stay active..
And no serious person would say they are less valuable—on the contrary,
nor would others say so..

Playing games about who goes first or who is next... that makes sense, proven enough,
but there's plenty of other stuff happening between people...

I'm glad I've occasionally nudged someone shy or indecisive to speak up,
explaining that maybe that person was just too timid to impose themselves,
and I'm glad because that has sparked love, friendship..
or at least nice moments during a meeting..

Speak up! Talk! Others are also confused, discouraged, or weighed down by their own imperfections..
And they might just be waiting for your call.

Brenda Cooper3 said:I’ve been sitting here reflecting on this lately... I find myself stuck in this cycle where I’m simultaneously pulling away from people and trying to escape my own company because being alone is unbearable. It’s a mess. I genuinely enjoy socializing—I love a good laugh and just hanging out—but there’s this constant, nagging anxiety that I’m going to screw something up. I’m terrified people will judge me, decide I’m "bad news," and start avoiding me. Honestly, I can't handle seeing that look of disappointment in someone's eyes anymore. It cuts too deep.
I am not a bad person. I don't gossip, and I don't go looking for trouble, but I am incredibly clumsy and slow on the uptake. When people label me as the "scatterbrain" of the group, it turns into laughter at my expense, and everything...
For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt like that awkward kid everyone mocks just because I’m inherently a bit ridiculous...
I don't know. I'm just scared.😢
I crave connection and friendship so much, but that's where the catch is...
If I lean too hard on casual acquaintances, they’ll just think I’m needy or weird.
That sense of security and belonging is something I should have gotten from my parents, but that ship has sailed...
I’m just really confused about how all this works.
And another thing... people are incredibly perceptive. They can read you like an open book, which is a double-edged sword. If I ever hit a low point or spiral into a depression, people will see it written all over my face and run for the hills. So, instead, I hide my gaze. I act like I'm indifferent to making contact—by which I mean, I pretend I don't care about socializing.

Sorry for the fragmented parts; these are just a few snippets stuck in my head.
(By the way: thanks for this brave post. It helps to read about others. Makes things feel less lonely.)

What parents failed to provide, or simply couldn't give, we can find for ourselves, 😉and in each other.. 😉.. right?
That’s why we have forums, books—plenty of books.. 😉 and professionals, if you choose them..

Anyway: thank you for such a brave, beautiful post..

Hannah White2 said:It's entirely possible this all stems from daycare.
Those teachers sometimes don't want to deal with the messy cleanup, and honestly, there's so much room for trauma there.
They force kids to eat things they don't want to, too.
Even those fancy private preschools that claim to use "alternative" methods—half the time that's just marketing bullshit to justify the tuition.
The environment and the other kids play a huge role; bullying can wreck a kid's psyche in a heartbeat.
Personally, I'd keep fighting and try working with different psychologists.

Maybe they punished him for mistakes he actually made, or maybe they just forced him to act a certain way.
The kid wasn't exactly succeeding like that—what does a two-year-old know? He was still just figuring out how to use a spoon.
Maybe it’s just one woman...

Hannah White2 said:It's entirely possible this all stems from daycare.
Those teachers sometimes don't want to deal with the messy cleanup, and honestly, there's so much room for trauma there.
They force kids to eat things they don't want to, too.
Even those fancy private preschools that claim to use "alternative" methods—half the time that's just marketing bullshit to justify the tuition.
The environment and the other kids play a huge role; bullying can wreck a kid's psyche in a heartbeat.
Personally, I'd keep fighting and try working with different psychologists.

Maybe she shamed him for what happened—some kind of failure or something he "lost control of." If the kids joined in and mocked him too, things could have gone from bad to worse. Maybe it was even more brutal than that.
Time to start looking.

Zachary Collins2 said:And here we go... yet another cyclist joins the fray!😁

🙄 isn't just another one. It's the exact same guy.

It's all just the same repetitive threads..

hiddenhound3 said:Thank you for sharing that with us. It always feels a little easier knowing you aren't alone,
no matter how terrible it may sound.🙂

That is precisely the concern—that their entire intestinal system could become permanently deformed over time, potentially leading to serious complications.

Quincy:

redharbor9 As specified by hiddenhound3: That kid needs some discipline.

Honestly, I’d hurry things along. If he’s acting out of shame instead of fear, that’s even worse. Or maybe someone just spooked him—who knows. Either way, he needs a boost. We need to tread carefully, step by step, until we find exactly what kind of encouragement will get him back to behaving normally and actually growing.
He’s constantly poisoning himself, little by little. He’s forced to build an entire defense system just to deal with what’s happening to him.
Waking up in a soaked diaper isn't exactly ideal. Not when you're already four years old.
When you're just a tiny thing, only a few months old, all you can do is cry when something hurts. That's it.
But later... just help the kid as soon as possible.

Forget about him "poisoning" his psyche. Whatever kind of fear he’s dealing with... poor kid.

hiddenhound3 said:I am starting this thread because I’ve been thinking quite a bit about a situation involving a friend’s young son.
The boy is four years old, and ever since he started preschool two years ago, he has been refusing to have bowel movements.😢It causes him an immense amount of physical discomfort and pain.

Since the child has already been seen by several different doctors, and their collective consensus is that he is perfectly healthy from a physiological standpoint, my own conclusion is that he is somehow consciously attempting to suppress his natural reflexes. He cries intensely, jumps around, clings to whatever he can reach, and suffers through visible spasms.

Perhaps my assessment is incorrect, but the situation is truly distressing. The parents were told that the issue is psychological in nature and that it will likely resolve itself naturally by the time he reaches puberty.😲

Something clearly happened at that daycare.
Maybe a teacher shamed him for making a mistake, like a mess with his food or something similar.
He spilled something, missed a target, who knows—maybe she just made him feel gross for what he did.
She shamed him because he didn't succeed (poor kid—he's only two!) according to her specific standards.
And how she expected things to go.
(It isn't easy for her dealing with toddlers and messy little kids, but they are still learning.)
Maybe she punished him, or maybe she just yelled or embarrassed him.

It would be wise to figure out exactly what is causing this shame
and address that specific issue.

Don't wait too long. The child is growing,
and it's a shame for him to grow up carrying this weight.
His poor little system is suffering day after day, along with everything else tied to it.
Protect that little body (four years old!)
and his young soul.
Save him, dear child.

It would be wise to figure out exactly what is causing this shame
and address that specific issue.

BlackRock has far more significant issues on its plate.
(Just like everyone else, really.)
So this? This is just a minor detail, a footnote...
(because it’s frankly idiotic).

They need to chill out, take a breath, and try again.
Half the smartest people I know don't even own a car, nor do they plan on getting one.

Could be true.
Eventually, we all start taking charge of our own lives,
becoming our own guides—
—and finally getting the chance to fix what was left broken. That's my take.