Ever thought about trying some mental exercises or maybe those breathing techniques? Like, whenever you feel your voice starting to rise—and your blood pressure spiking right along with it—just step back and count to ten in your head. It’s just an automated way to force your system to chill out. Or even just taking a deep breath in and out. That actually triggers a physical shift in your body when stress hits. You know, that specific kind of stress from an argument that just fuels the fire because it dumps adrenaline into your system, triggering that primal defense mode where you start saying things you don't even mean... I know, I know. It sounds cliché and incredibly cheesy, but honestly? It works for me.
The real issue is that everyone is living in this hyper-competitive rat race lately. Suddenly, clawing your way to a better paycheck matters more than any actual human connection. It’s created this unspoken rule where people just stop playing fair. That opens the door to all kinds of dirty tricks and backstabbing, which is exactly what you're dealing with right now. The worst part? This cutthroat mindset is being treated as the gold standard. Honesty and integrity are becoming obsolete. You’ve got two choices here. You can pick someone from that crowd—usually some low-level nobody, though you could go after a mid-tier player—and absolutely crush them in front of everyone. That’s how you prove you're on a level they aren't even allowed to question. Your other option is to build a direct line to the CEO. Show them you're the one reliable person in the room, someone they can actually trust. If you do that, the boss will handle those office gossips for you. In my opinion, staying stuck in the status quo isn't working for you, and eventually, it's going to blow up in your face. Just be careful. It’s incredibly easy to get sucked into their petty little games. If you do that, you're playing on their turf, and that puts you at a massive disadvantage.
granitesurfer36 said:Even if you aren't a pro, you hit the nail on the head. I've spent my whole life craving affection and validation, and half the time I convince myself I don't get it because I'm just a bad person who deserves the loneliness... 🤷
Life is a joke and the irony is constant—the loud, obnoxious types grab all the spotlight, while the good ones (who usually stay quiet) just fade into the background. What you’re feeling is completely valid. Every single one of us deserves attention and recognition, regardless of who we are. It really comes down to how we define ourselves through other people. We build our self-awareness based on their reactions; when someone showers us with affection, it validates that we’re okay. But when you face rejection or a lack of love, it creates this instability. You start questioning your own worth, which triggers a spiral of self-criticism that can turn into a full-blown obsession.
The trick is finding someone—or some group—that actually sees you and appreciates you for exactly who you are. But nobody is going to do that heavy lifting for you unless you start doing the work yourself. You have to learn to value yourself first; help yourself so others can actually help you. Besides, a little bit of narcissism never hurt anyone.
It’s working for me now, but I’m still getting hit with that Trojan warning.
P.S. I’ve been seeing that same warning for a few days too. Plus, both last night and this morning, the forum was basically dead—I’d try to log in and just get stuck on a "site under maintenance" message. Refreshing did absolutely nothing. Even when I managed to get somewhere on the site, it was useless because I couldn't send a single thing.
crimsoncanyon2 said:I remember that before he came along, I’d never actually loved anyone, nor did I ever feel like anyone truly loved me... starting with my own parents and moving outward from there... it was just these hollow social interactions, like some twisted game people play where they just look for ways to screw each other over... that was my life... until him...
I remember the first time I actually let my guard down and trusted someone, and for once, I felt everything at full capacity... I really believed he was special... but unfortunately, he wasn't... and now I know I could never trust him ever again...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------I don't even know why I felt the need to write this out... but I guess he was the only person I ever truly loved.
Look, everyone is their own universe. We all carry our own baggage and our own strengths. It’s a bit naive—not to mention a little depressing—to assume everyone is out to screw you over or dump you. Who knows? Maybe you'll actually find someone who sticks around and loves you unconditionally, where everything finally just clicks. That goes for the author, too. If things aren't working out, let them go and move on. Give other people a shot at entering your life and proving that things can actually get better. 😉
Look, you’ve always got us. Sure, we’re just anonymous faces on a screen, but there’s an actual advantage to that. If you can't stand what someone's saying, you just scroll past. No drama. But honestly? It’s still nice to hear a real opinion once in a while. Even if it only offers a tiny shred of hope, it beats the usual garbage we deal with when everything feels like it's falling apart and crushing us.
As for therapists; my advice is simple. Just relax and be yourself. Say everything you need to say—be as blunt and specific as possible. Get it all out of your system so you can finally start turning the page on your life... Good luck.
The reality is he actually loves seeing you play the victim. He knows he can pull your strings whenever he feels like it because he’s certain you aren't going anywhere. He knows exactly how to use emotional blackmail to flip your script and make you rethink leaving him, no matter what you decided. He "reads" you better than you realize, and he uses that insight to fuel his own fragile ego. The bottom line? He hasn't earned a single ounce of the energy you're handing him on a silver platter. But honestly, where do you fit into this whole mess? What's the point of feeling "safe" just because he's acting nice for five minutes, only for him to manipulate you and drain you dry when he needs a boost? That's not a partnership—it's a one-way street where you give and he just takes. You need to sit down and really think about what you want. Is this relationship actually fulfilling you, or is it just slowly stripping away your soul and your peace of mind?
As for seeing a therapist, yeah, it's scary. I get it. But there are plenty of people here who have had great experiences, and I highly doubt you won't be able to find a solid recommendation for a good doctor. Try to push that fear aside for a second and just go. Who knows? It might actually help. Just don't walk in thinking someone is going to judge you or force something on you—that’s not what they’re there for. They're there to help you...
You both make valid points regarding parents, but there's more to it... There’s no sense in pitying them, but you shouldn't go out of your way to burn bridges either. A lot of people just lash out because they lack the capacity to actually understand what's happening. It's a predictable human reaction, unfortunately, tied directly to how emotionally mature someone is—and let's face it, most people aren't. To the author's parents, her relationship looks like some twisted S/M dynamic where she’s the masochist clinging to a sadist despite the harm being done. (I know, it's a silly question, but I'm just analyzing the text here🙂) Isn't it inevitable that they judge her? Especially if their previous attempts to "help" fell short? The real issue is that they haven't reached the level of emotional maturity needed to realize that judging her does the exact opposite of what they intend. All they're doing is backing her into a corner. What she actually needs is unconditional support and the belief that she can make the right choices. Judging someone for judging others just fuels the fire, and honestly, she doesn't need more conflict in her life right now. (Go ahead, Dead, tear me apart if you want, but that's how I see it)
Anyone calling you stupid is just plain ignorant. They don't see that you just veered off course and now you’re dead set on getting back on track and moving forward with a smile. Honestly, being able to spot your own mistakes is a massive plus. You've reached a certain level of awareness, and now you just need someone to help you clear those last few hurdles so you can finally move on. There’s one thing you didn't mention, and frankly, it matters—how old are you? Beyond that, here's the reality: people usually fall in love with an imaginary version of someone. It’s a way to mask their flaws—not from the world, but from themselves. That’s where the rot sets in. Because of that fantasy, your internal scale for what's acceptable shifts. Those small red flags at the start eventually become invisible. But that's exactly why you went too far in the wrong direction. You seriously need to replay all those "dark" moments you spent with this guy. Look them in the eye. Realize that both your health and your life were on the line because you were addicted to his whims rather than his actual character. Once you process those memories and vent them to someone who actually listens without judging or lecturing, your perspective will shift. That idealized image you're still clinging to—the one keeping you stuck—will start to fade until eventually, the whole thing just feels ridiculous and distant. That’s when you start rebuilding. Build a version of yourself that holds a partner to a higher standard. Stop letting things slide; you're the boss of your own life, not him. And more importantly, build up your self-esteem. Don't just talk about it—live it. Be the woman who knows she is incredible and deserves infinitely more than anything that guy could ever offer.
One thing I want you to remember, no matter what: never beat yourself up for staying with such a loser for as long as you did. Sure, he was a joke, but you stayed and fought to make things work. In my book, that makes you a fighter. And once a fighter like you finds a real person, you'll have more than enough heart to fight for them.
Besides, like they say, "scars are just reminders of where we've been, not directions for where we're going."
Look, almost every college in the country has its own online student forums where people swap intel on exams, professors, and study materials. Why don't you just head over there and find your crew? Also, going solo is brutal. It’s tough because you don't have a roadmap for how to tackle specific exams. When you actually have someone to "compete" with, it gives you that extra push. It isn't impossible, though—I had a buddy when I started out, but we drifted apart once our exam schedules diverged, and later I met someone else... But look, I've crushed plenty of exams on my own. Sure, you need way more drive since you're the only one fueling it, and you know all its flaws, but it can be done. The real issue is that it’s just not efficient. You waste too much energy trying to stay motivated, and hunting down info is a nightmare. If you share info with others, you spot the best way to handle an exam way faster. And don't even get me started on the exams themselves—you need someone who was actually in the room. That’s huge, because half the students out there lie about what happened in class. For some reason, like 80% of the stuff you hear is straight-up garbage. But here’s the bigger point, and this matters more than anything else because college is just a tool to get a job or a career: you make lifelong friends. These are people who will actually be useful to you later in life, helping you out with job leads or opportunities down the road. So don't give up on making connections. It's vital, and it pays off. If those friends have run their course, move on. Meet new people. That’s the whole point of being a freshman—they don't have biases or these little exclusive cliques yet. They’re looking for friends just like you are.
Look, it’s not even about being lazy. It's just a completely warped sense of priorities. You’re going to be grinding at a job for the rest of your life—make no mistake about that—so you might as well invest in yourself while you actually can. For instance, why not start with some light stretching every morning? Nothing intense or exhausting, just something to build a routine. But let’s be real: nothing is going to happen unless you actually get your head in the game.
The trick to life is mapping out a plan and finally accepting that time is a one-way street. It’s moving in one direction, and it's entirely up to us to make the most of the ride before it's over. Years ago—and man, do I sound old saying that—I set a rough blueprint for my life, deciding what to do and when to do it. I'm still following that same structure today. You have to realize that certain things, like high-stakes extreme sports where you're basically flirting with death, just don't work once you're a father or even in a serious relationship. If you push it too far, someone else pays the price for your addiction to the rush. It's the same with everything else; when you're single, you can do whatever you want, whenever you want. But eventually, responsibilities catch up to you. So, enjoy the freedom while it lasts. If you need motivation, look no further than this: the fear of waking up in your 40s—dealing with a gut, back pain, a spouse, and a mountain of bills—and sobbing, "Where did my youth go?" It's right there in front of you right now. Use it. If you manage your time correctly, you'll find there's room for everything.
Having a driver's license isn't some luxury anymore—though, let’s be real, after prices jumped over a thousand USD, it definitely feels like one. It’s a necessity. You look at job postings today and a license is practically a prerequisite for everything. The same goes for having that license in your wallet, a full tank of gas, and the open road ahead of you. That means one thing: freedom. It means you can bolt whenever you want, go anywhere, and just change your scenery, even if it's only for half an hour. I know from experience that when life starts hitting the fan and my head gets too cluttered, I just hop in the car, take a quick "drive," and by the time I get back, I feel like a new person—ready to deal with the next round of bullshit.
That’s just ego talking, and let me tell you, it never leads anywhere good. Trust me, I learned that the hard way. I once tried to give some advice to this girl at my university—she actually went off on me, shouting insults just because she thought she was better than everyone else. But she came to me for a reason, even if we go to the same school. Her response? Nothing but low blows and personal attacks. That’s why I’m telling you: stop wasting your energy on lost causes. Do it for your own sake, otherwise, you’re just going to end up feeling like an idiot.
As for the crying; go ahead and let it out. It’s a good pressure valve. Just don't dwell on things that don't matter.
Just consider the positive change in my life as my reward... That’s more than enough for me.
Thanks for the kind words...
Look, you have to leave the past behind, but don't just bury it in a messy pile. If you do, you're just setting yourself up to wreck your own future. Those problems you think you've "buried" will eventually grow into massive trees and catch you off guard when you least expect it. You actually have to deal with the past to settle the score. Regarding your specific situation, I think trying to explain yourself to someone like that is a total joke. They aren't going to hear what you're saying the way you want them to. I know from experience—when you're in a relationship, you fall for an image of who someone is, only to realize later how shallow they actually are. Their ego will just get in the way and they'll turn it into a fight against you (that was my experience, anyway). Just leave those doors closed. Maybe try keeping a journal of "daily thoughts" instead. Write down whatever random realization pops into your head, no matter how trivial it seems. It'll help kill the urge to go explaining yourself to people who don't care. Some people just don't deserve your energy, so...
People are weird. Just accept it and don't let it get to you. I run into absolute idiots here all the time suggesting suicidal people go out and buy guns, so... but that's a whole different conversation and I don't want to spam.
Look, nobody is going to change your mindset for you except you, and you actually have to *want* to change. Sometimes you can't even force yourself to want something if your brain isn't ready to take action yet. That’s where time comes in. That old "time heals all wounds" cliché isn't meant for crazy people—it's about using time to stay busy with other things. I don't know anything about your private life, so I can't give specific advice, but for example, when I'm struggling with something at college, I just go study or pick up a hobby. Time flies, and suddenly the problem doesn't seem like such a massive deal anymore because life moves on. Only then can you look back with some perspective and realize if the issue was actually worth all that energy or if you just gave it too much power. I'm telling you, once you finally tackle it, the mere thought of the problem will seem ridiculous. That's how you'll know you've truly moved past it. (Besides, you're young—judging by your posts—and you've got the love of your life right there with you. Don't let something this minor weigh you down. Focus on the good stuff.)
First off, let me clear something up: I’m a guy. My username is just a play on the word Jeep—I added the "ja" at the end just for kicks. But hey, I get why people get confused.
Regarding how you process things; I totally get where you're coming from. I do the exact same thing. I’ll take a problem and chew on it like a piece of gum until my whole life feels sour, yet I still can't stop obsessively grinding away at it. The trick is to actually stop thinking about it. My way of handling it is to sit down, collect myself, and ask, "Okay, fine. You've looked at this from every possible angle and asked every single question—so what's the verdict? What did you actually learn?" Once I have that realization, I turn it into a life lesson—a new experience to apply to future messes. Then I dump the negativity from the problem (or just bury it deep enough so I don't have to deal with it anymore) and move on.
Honestly, I don't think you should say anything to him. There's nothing new to be said there. Once you truly put it behind you, just tell him it's handled and that you're moving forward. The point is, you have to resolve this yourself. But look, if things get heavy, you know where to find us (vent to us, we're already here).