Telling a woman that being sexually abused by someone who wasn't even an adult isn't a "big deal"—that she’s just overthinking it and needs to move on—is about as helpful as telling a rape survivor that her assault was really just "intense sex" and she should be grateful it wasn't some random creep in a dark alleyway. 🙄
From a child's perspective, there isn't a meaningful distinction between being coerced by a predatory fifty-year-old acting on dark fantasies or by a teenager who is "just" curious and happened to be there. A child doesn't sit there analyzing the perpetrator's motivations in the moment. They just feel the shame, the humiliation, and the profound sense of betrayal. The trauma is real. No matter how much an adult tries to rationalize it later as "just kids playing," that feeling of being used, of being violated, and of having your boundaries completely demolished stays with you.
That is exactly why therapy is necessary. It's not because the person is "crazy"—psychiatrists handle clinical disorders, whereas therapists handle the soul—it's because that experience and its aftermath live inside you until you confront them with a professional.
It also doesn't help when a victim feels like they can't even confide in anyone nearby, fearing they'll be met with judgment or told they're being overly dramatic and making a mountain out of a molehill.
As a child, she was taught that she didn't have the right to say "No" when someone touched her body. Today, she's being told she doesn't have the right to feel hurt by it because, apparently, it wasn't a big deal after all.
northernridge14 said:God... I could never bring myself to talk to him about this. If I ever did, it wouldn't be a conversation; it would be an act of vengeance. He’s ten years older than me. Maybe more. That means when it happened, I was seven and he was seventeen. He knew exactly what he was doing. Even at seven, you know when something isn't right. I can't move past it. And frankly, I don't want to.
What does he think about it after all these years? Most likely, he’s ashamed. He’s probably praying to God that I never say a word, because he knows the fallout would be catastrophic.
An apology wouldn't fix anything for me.
This is heavy. Listen, I can't forgive him. Even if I said I did, it wouldn't be 100% honest. Some things are just unforgivable. It sounds brutal, but it's the truth. It just hurts.
And let's be real about being alone together. If I recall correctly, I haven't been alone with him since then. I avoided it. I was afraid. And I suspect he avoids it too.
I don't think a therapist could do much for me here. I needed a counselor when I was a child. The damage is already done. Writing it down in a journal might help, but I wouldn't even dare do that for fear of someone finding it. I'm twenty-six now. This was a lifetime ago. But I worry that going to a psychologist and diving into the details would just end up traumatizing me all over again. The images and the words are all stuck in my head. They live there. I never say them out loud.
A standard psychologist might not cut it, but a skilled psychotherapist definitely could. And look, yeah, what happened was terrible, but you can start healing from that at 20 years old or even at 90. Staying stuck in this exact spot because of something someone did to you when you were seven—that actually causes much more damage in the long run than the original trauma itself.🙂
As for forgiveness—it isn't the priority right now, if it ever even becomes one. You simply cannot forgive someone until you allow yourself to fully feel every ounce of contempt, hatred, disgust, and despair that has built up inside you. You have to wade through that swamp first. And even once you've processed all of that and finally feel at peace with yourself (which is absolutely possible, by the way), who says you ever owe anyone forgiveness? Why would you? But working through those heavy emotions is essential, because right now, they are the things preventing you from actually living your life. They are hurting *you*, not them.
Richard Wilson4 said:I don't know. The stuff boys do to girls, like groping around in 6th grade—that kind of thing usually stops by 8th grade or high school. It's basically just some weird rite of passage, nothing out of the ordinary. 🤷
First off, the examples being brought up here aren't just some random, passing moment of a kid being handsy in a classroom when they're 12 or 15. Second, if a girl feels attacked, doesn't know how to stand her ground, and perceives that touching as abuse—then she *is* being abused. Period. That can leave lasting scars on her mental health.
It honestly doesn't matter whether the person doing the touching intended to be abusive or not. What matters is how she felt in that moment and how she feels about it today. That’s where the actual healing needs to happen.
No matter how much everyone here tries to tell you that you have nothing to be ashamed of or that none of this is your fault, I honestly don't think it’s that easy to just believe it. When you take a hit like that at such a young age, the wound is just too deep to fix with simple logic or rationalization. It doesn't actually matter if the person involved was an adult who knew better, or just another kid who thought they were playing a game. What matters—the only thing that truly counts—is how it affected *you* and what it did to your sense of self, regardless of how much blame or responsibility lies with the other person.
In my experience, wounds like these can only really be eased or healed by working with a high-quality therapist. My advice? Try out a few different people until you find someone who just "clicks," someone you can actually trust enough to be vulnerable with. This kind of history drains far too much of your life force to let it stay buried in some dark corner of your mind forever. 🙂
And look, let's be real: sexual abuse among children does happen, and it leaves scars on both sides. A child who has been victimized isn't going to feel any better just because the person who hurt them was also a child—sometimes even younger than they were. From the outside looking in, it might be easy to see that the little aggressor has their own baggage, too. But for the child who was harmed, knowing that doesn't take away the trauma, and frankly, it shouldn't be your job to worry about their story while you're still trying to process your own.
Sandra Parker3 said:Yeah, we’re talking about that massive gap between what they claim to stand for and how they actually act in the real world. 🙂
What exactly am I supposed to be spending my time on? Is it about understanding, or just learning to accept it? Comparing differences to me feels a lot like eye accommodation—just a standard, natural process. You probably accepted their existence in the first place, right up until the moment you "allowed" them the chance to walk through your front door. 🙂
Honestly, both. There is a massive difference between knowing something on paper and actually living it. When I say someone is "different," I just mean they aren't like me. In theory, I accept all five of those points without blinking. But it’s only when you actually come face-to-face with that difference that it becomes "real."
And look, I don't mean that this difference is inherently bad, or that I have to be some saintly, big-hearted person who "tolerates" someone being different. It’s more about the fact that we all have these internal default settings. Even if we are fully aware that other ways of living exist, and even if we say we accept them intellectually, it’s only when we hit a situation where our defaults clash with reality that we get the chance to integrate those deviations into our mental framework.
For instance, I completely accept that one of my buddies is gay. But the first time I actually see him hooking up with a guy, it’s still going to catch me off guard (much like how I felt when my gay girlfriends, who had been together for years, started kissing right in front of me 😁). It’s not that I didn't know; it’s just that I wasn't used to seeing it.
EDIT. Here is another example. Today on the bus, a young man and an older woman got on. He was incredibly gentle, helping her find a seat and then sitting down right next to her. I was watching them with this soft, warm feeling because I’m just not used to seeing that kind of tenderness toward a mother figure (or maybe a grandmother?) in public. And then, he reached out, put his hand on her knee, and kissed her. I was absolutely floored. It wasn't because I think an age gap like that is wrong for a relationship. It was simply because it wasn't what I consider "normal" to witness. A few minutes later, once my brain finished processing everything and the metaphorical sirens stopped wailing in my head, that warm feeling came right back. Because at the end of the day, seeing love is beautiful. Whether it’s parental love or romantic love, it doesn't matter.
"Being tolerant" sounds like such a beautiful, noble concept. But honestly? It’s incredibly easy to be tolerant toward things that feel worlds away from your own life.
I don't want to paint everyone with the same brush or make sweeping generalizations about "everyone," so instead, I'll just share something deeply personal from my own life.
I always believed—truly, I did—that I was an open-minded person and that being gay was perfectly fine. That was until a close friend of mine came out to me, and it felt like a bolt of lightning had struck my brain. In that moment, I realized just how many subconscious biases I actually held. It turns out it's remarkably easy to preach "live and let live" when the reality isn't knocking on your own front door. He is still a wonderful friend today, and honestly, we’ve both grown immensely through our respective relationships. But back then, it was something I truly had to work to accept and adjust to. I had to do some serious internal heavy lifting to dismantle my own supposed liberalism and realize that accepting difference is one thing when it's happening somewhere else, but it's a completely different beast when it hits home.
(Just to be crystal clear, I wasn't trying to pressure him to "change" or anything like that 😁 😁 😁)
As for today, all I know is that I am constantly striving to be tolerant and progressive. But I also know that I haven't quite reached that goal yet. Because if a Muslim colleague were to invite me over to his house and drop me into a world that is fundamentally different from mine, I know I wouldn't have all the answers immediately. It would take some time. I think the only real difference between people is that some will take the necessary time to process and embrace diversity, while others will simply reject it outright.
I couldn't agree more—nutrition education really needs to be a core part of the school curriculum. It shouldn't just be about running laps in the gym during PE; we need a solid theoretical component where kids actually learn how food affects them.
And honestly? Our bodies are constantly talking to us. The problem is, we rarely listen to our actual physical needs; instead, we just follow the impulses of our primitive, irrational brains. If I finish lunch and immediately feel like I need to crawl under a blanket and pass out, then clearly something went wrong—no matter how delicious the meal tasted at the time. On the flip side, if a meal leaves me feeling energized and ready to take on the day, then I know I hit the jackpot.
For years now, I’ve cut out fried foods, ditched the soda, and stuck strictly to olive oil for cooking and everything else. My Achilles' heel is definitely carbs, though. But hey, it’s all about progress. I’m working my way toward eating perfectly one step at a time. 😬
I’m right there with driftingstag8 on this one. The Republican Party tries to court the conservative base, but let’s be real—they aren't actually true conservatives at their core.
It’s just like how the Democratic Party isn't truly a leftist party either; they just lean into that specific image to reel in the progressive vote.
If Zoran Milanovic would just stop trying to alienate the voters living abroad, I’d give him my vote in a heartbeat.
Joshua Williams82 said:What exactly does the right wing have to do with these specific laws? I mean, were the penalties for abuse actually higher when the Democratic Party held power? Or was smoking weed somehow more acceptable back then? It all feels like the same old story to me.
Increasing the penalties for domestic violence is definitely necessary... though, let's be honest, we should just be glad it's even listed as a category at all. Up until very recently, domestic violence wasn't even recognized as a crime under the Penal Code.
To me, having the law on the books doesn't mean much if the punishments don't actually fit the crime. If the penalty is light, it’s just window dressing. It's nothing more than smoke and mirrors. 🙄
Ethan Garcia8 said:When the new Penal Code was passed recently, they bumped up the penalties for soft drugs. The Republicans pushed it through. It seems like they view drug use as a much bigger threat than domestic violence. For example, there was just a case out in Indianapolis where some kids got handed two years for "dealing"—and we're talking about 12 grams of weed, which is basically just 10 joints. 🙂
And honestly, screw the GOP, just for kicks. The elections are tomorrow. I’m rooting for a total washout for those old-school establishment types. 😁
Your devotion to Desanka is touching, really, but I wouldn't exactly brag about it here on the forum.😉
By the way, I think it's pretty silly to frame this issue as a Right vs. Left thing. Let's be real: for both sides, there are plenty of other issues they care about way more than this one.🙄
Ethan Garcia8 said:It’ll likely go down just like it did with Anne Hathaway: she basically poked the bear herself.
@Emily Hayes Elvis Presley got hit with the maximum 10 $0.00 penalty because of the domestic abuse toward his wife.
Thanks 🙂
Honestly, I think this is a joke. 10 $0.00? If that's the case, you might as well just be abusive. Why would anyone bother spending money on therapists, gym memberships, or piles of food to manage stress and neutralize negative energy when you can basically get a free pass by taking it out on someone at home?
On top of that, if you’re actually good at your job, nobody is even going to be able to go running to the authorities to tattle on you. Just one woman playing the whistleblower. 🙄
quietpilot87 said:Honestly, the best way is just to walk from Times Square, cut across Madison Avenue, hit Main Street, and head straight to the Square. And then back 😁 😁
🙄 Walking down Seventh 🙄
is cool, but personally, I think heading from Broadway over to the Square, then looping through Madison Avenue and Times Square all the way out to Central Park is a much better route. 😍 Then you can just loop back 😁 😁
Anthony Lopez5 said:It’s not even an argument; I just looked at the cover and realized both were missing. To make sure I didn't come off as a total chauvinist, I decided to include both...😉
Oh, please, don't try to play the victim here. 🙂 🙂
I clearly see both of them right there on the cover. 🙂 🙂
I suppose I am making some headway in that regard. I’ll likely only seek out professional help if things take a turn for the worse, since my previous experiences with psychiatrists here in the States haven't been particularly helpful... nothing they did really seemed to stick.
If you aren't feeling a connection with your psychiatrist, it just means you need to find a new one. It doesn't mean you should throw the whole idea of therapy out the window. 🙂
Even after I finally managed to get my binge eating under control, I was still left dealing with all the fallout from those habits. I had to tackle the aftermath, too. Honestly, though, that part wasn't nearly as grueling because I’d already done the heavy lifting on the psychological side of things.
So, how did I actually pull it off? I wish I could just hand you a step-by-step guidebook or a foolproof recipe for success, but I don't have one 🙂 What I did was dive headfirst into a mountain of books. I spent a lot of time deconstructing my own fears and insecurities, looking them right in the eye instead of turning away. I started mapping out the specific triggers—those exact moments that would send me spiraling. Once I recognized the pattern, I stopped using food as a way to numb my feelings or punish myself. Instead, I started pausing to actually process the impulse and deal with the root cause.
It was a long road. But over time, my awareness grew. I started catching those red flags earlier and earlier, and eventually, the urge to give in lost its grip on me. I truly believe having a professional therapist by my side would have made this journey so much smoother, but back then, I was young and didn't even realize that kind of support was an option. Plus, I grew up in a circle where mental health stuff was treated like something you only see in Hollywood movies, usually as some dramatic plot point involving a character in a torn shirt 🙄