19 posts shown.
Kimberly Morris said:☕
Man, I am so sorry about your folks. Finding the right med is such a nightmare. I used to take Prozac and it was fine, but I was on it for years and eventually, it just stopped doing anything for me. Then I tried Faverin and Cipralex... honestly, they were meh. Now they've got me on Zoloft because I'm pregnant... but yeah, I've been taking it for three weeks now and I don't feel a single thing changing...
Kimberly Morris said:Thanks for getting back to me. So, why'd you stop taking the Zoloft?
Kimberly Morris said:Hey everyone! So, it’s been 3 weeks since I started on Zoloft—just half a 50 mg pill a day so far. Honestly? Not feeling any better. Zero movement. Starting tomorrow, I’m bumping it up to the full tablet... Is it too early to expect anything after just 3 weeks?!
neonsurfer2 said:I’m done asking him for anything. I’ve let go.
He doesn't know any other way to be, I get that.
Thanks for the support, 🙂
neonsurfer2 said:Thanks to everyone who jumped into my thread.
Looking back, I probably botched the title. It’s not just about forgiveness—I don't want the whole conversation to get stuck on that one word. There’s way more going on here. Primarily, I’m trying to overhaul how I act because my old defense mechanisms are either falling apart or morphing into something new, which honestly just makes everything feel more exhausting.
Even the word "forgiveness" makes me cringe. And don't get me started on all that trendy self-help fluff. It does absolutely nothing for me. I’ve read enough of those catchy titles to be completely over it.
Donna White50 pretty much nailed my situation. I’ve realized there’s still this little girl inside me who refuses to grow up (and frankly, I have no clue what it would actually take to fix that), and she’s still stubbornly trying to punish my father for everything he messed up. Because if I turn my life around and get everything together, then he gets to be smug about it. He’ll pat himself on the back for being such a "great" dad, while all my pain just gets swept under the rug like it never happened. The truth is, my needs, my desires, and my feelings were never really on the table. I was invisible. I had to bend to fit their world and suppress everything that made me *me*. Yeah, I always felt unprotected. That’s what I missed most—that sense of security, knowing someone actually has your back. Someone you can rely on instead of needing to run from. I’m terrified of rejection in relationships, and I didn't even realize how deep that went. How am I supposed to believe someone can love, respect, or value me if my own parents wouldn't? How can I be anyone's "special someone" when I was basically cast aside by my own family?
I don't want to talk about myself to him... I refuse to look "weak" in front of him. I don't want him to "win"... (as if this is some kind of competition??) even though logically, I never stood a chance in that fight since I was just a kid and couldn't stand up to him. My therapist told me he didn't even win—he lost. He lost my respect, which is the reality.
As for therapy, I only made it through four sessions before I decided I was done.
Part of it was the doctor. Back then, I was dealing with such intense mental fog that I could barely string a coherent sentence together. When I answered her questions, there was this massive lag; it was like I had to go digging through my brain just to find the words because they were hiding from me. And instead of understanding that, she basically implied I was making things up. Excuse me? There were other things about her approach I didn't care for, too. I mean, she helped a little, I guess, but for what I pay, the sessions were way too short and way too expensive.
Brenda Taylor13—you asked if I tell him when something bothers me. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Honestly, I feel like I have to repeat myself for the rest of my life because nothing ever sticks, and I'm just too exhausted to keep
“correcting” him. Like, when he says something totally tasteless to someone, I’ll say, "My God, how could you say that?" and he just shrugs and goes, "I was joking!" And then what am I supposed to say to that?
I resent that I have to listen to him drone on about his love life, though I finally figured out why I hate it. He’s still acting like a child himself. He’s constantly hunting for attention and validation from others (which, I guess, is exactly what I do, too?). He hasn't actually grown up; he doesn't act like a "parent" at all!! When is he actually going to start? I already know the answer.
And I throw his past mistakes in his face, but it doesn't make me feel any better; it just brings all my anger to the surface. I don't want to end up just like him—consturing and throwing accusations at people.
A few years ago, we used to know each other well enough to get into these massive, screaming matches, but it drains me so much that I just don't have the energy for it anymore.
Olivia Smith75—Yeah, I know exactly what he's like. But I can't say he's all bad; he has done good things.
He would help me out with anything material, I'm sure of that. I know he does the best he can and that he loves me in his own way and all that... but I think I'm still scared of him. That flash of rage and the craziness that takes over him... that's still living inside me.
Ryan Kelly2 said:Thanks for chiming in. I finally feel like I can put a name to this mess and see how it ties back to my parents.
I know this constant hunger isn't healthy because it drives everything I do.
At the end of the day, it's this exact void that keeps people trapped in garbage relationships, totally paralyzed and stuck in these weird, suffocating cycles.
I've been to therapy and brought this up with my therapist a dozen times, but honestly? It felt like he couldn't find an answer that actually hit the mark.
Is there anything anyone can actually do about this?
How do I help myself?
Please, if anyone else has some actual solid advice or has dealt with this, let me know.
Casey Richardson7 said:I honestly think there’s this third dimension to happiness that’s super hard to pin down. It’s like this mix of genetics, hormones, and just who you are from day one, all baked into your personality. So, let me give you a little glimpse into my life so you get what I mean.
God. 26 years old. And honestly? I feel incredibly lucky. Why? Who knows. I don't really have a "reason." I don't own much, my career path isn't exactly impressive yet, money is tight, I'm dealing with some chronic health stuff, lost my parents, and don't even get me started on romance (yeah, I know, sounds totally depressing lol). But despite all that, I am genuinely happy. Happiness is the ultimate goal for me, even if I've still got a long way to go.
When things get heavy, I lead with logic instead of letting my emotions take over. I try my best not to let deadlines or responsibilities freak me out, but if they do, I just lean on that logic thing I mentioned earlier.
I'm almost always smiling—even when I'm just walking down the street, sitting in meetings, or riding the subway. Sometimes I'll just start laughing for no reason, which can be pretty awkward in public.
Having this mindset has helped so much with my people skills too. Whether it's friends, clients, or coworkers, they usually just vibe with that positivity and send it right back at me.
Looking at my own life, here’s why I think I stay so upbeat:
- I refuse to let negativity take root; I just choose to embrace the good.
- I'm content with where I am right now while I work toward my big goals.
- The higher my emotional IQ, the less chance I have of falling into stress, depression, or feeling unsatisfied.
mistyjackal842 said:Of course money matters. But what good is it if you can't actually achieve anything even with it? When my mother's health suddenly took a turn for the worse, she was stuck in a standard hospital ward where they didn't even know who she was, let alone wanted to help her. Honestly, I would have moved her to intensive care immediately—I would have paid whatever they asked. I know that in the ICU, doctors are constantly present and provide much better care for critical patients. But there was just no way to get her transferred to intensive care, even though I've read in every medical textbook imaginable that sepsis and septic shock need to be treated in the ICU. It felt like hospital policy dictated that everyone just had to die in a regular ward without adequate support. I just don't understand it. It's like they don't want to move someone with a severe illness that requires antibiotics into intensive care; instead, they just write them off and essentially sentence them to death. My mother was only 68, and she was actually a microbiologist herself, having spent her entire career working on vaccines. If I lived in England, I guess I wouldn't have had these issues; I would have just moved her to a private hospital, even though the public hospitals there maintain a pretty high standard too. She definitely would have survived because they would have actually looked after her. Or, if they had at least transferred her to the Mayo Clinic... she worked right across from that building her whole life, and I'm sure they would have helped her because they don't turn anyone away. Maybe I didn't handle the whole situation perfectly, even though I was demanding she get antibiotics via IV immediately given how critical she was. But I know that even at Johns Hopkins Hospital, they administer intravenous antibiotics; my mother received them back in 1999 while she was in the pulmonary ward at Johns Hopkins Hospital dealing with an embolism. But now, absolutely no one at Johns Hopkins Hospital wanted to help me during the strike; they all just made me feel like I was being foolish. The on-call vascular surgeon told me there was plenty of time and that I shouldn't overreact—it was Sunday, and he just didn't feel like doing anything. He said we had to wait until Monday and other such nonsense. He didn't even recognize the first signs of sepsis, and I suppose any surgeon should be able to recognize that.
Douglas Rivera6 said:A few years back, I finally realized just how incredibly hard it is to avoid getting sucked into that whole "groupthink" judgmental vibe.
Some close friends of ours went through a massive marriage crisis, and because everyone knew about it, you couldn't even grab a coffee with anyone from our social circle without them becoming the center of attention.
It was just constant finger-pointing at one person or another, acting like every single person in the group has some flawless marriage and a perfect life where every decision they make is somehow the right one.
And honestly, if you don't jump in on the bashing, it’s like you're being pushed to the sidelines of your own life; you’re sitting there at the table, sipping your latte, staying quiet, and just feeling totally unwelcome in the club.
But here's the thing about what happened recently.
Luckily, I’ve got enough backbone to speak up and make it clear that I have zero interest in judging anyone, but ever since that whole episode, I've felt this deep sense of alienation from those people who act like vultures, dissecting every little look or movement just waiting for the next mess to happen so they can have something new to gossip about over coffee.
I found myself thinking, Douglas Rivera6, do you really think things would have gone any differently? Honestly, sweetie, no—it probably would've just been worse.
Thank God I’m at a point where it doesn't bother me if I hear something about myself that isn't true or isn't right, because at the end of the day, who cares? It might bug me, but I'm not letting it get to my heart. People are going to talk, and they always have, it's just the way it is.
Douglas Rivera6 said:When I was younger, I used to spend way too much time talking smack about people and everything happening around town, mostly because I just didn't get it back then, and honestly, I kind of thought certain things would just never happen to me...
I wasn't trying to be a jerk or anything, but I definitely talked, and yeah, I probably judged them along the way. But man, getting older really shows you how easy it is to point fingers, and sometimes that judgment actually comes right back at you.
I don't judge anymore, and I’m definitely not out here looking down on anyone. Everyone has their own reasons for doing what they do, and if someone thinks their choice was okay for them, well, that’s their business, and we don't need to step in.
Maybe even that person, looking back from a distance, thinks to themselves, "Man, maybe I shouldn't have done it that way," but whatever, it's done and dusted now.
It’s always so easy to sit on the sidelines, watching everyone else and commenting or judging, especially when it feels totally obvious to us how they should've handled things—we're sitting there thinking, "How can they not see this?"
But hey, they just don't see it.
Everyone is just out here doing the best they can with what they've got, but sometimes that isn't enough and we just screw up big time.
Plus, I really think people love to judge because pointing out someone else's "flaws" is basically just a way to make themselves feel better, like, "Oh, look at them, at least I'm doing fine."
John Taylor10 said:I don’t know—if you ask me, I’d say she’s having some kind of mental breakdown; she just can't seem to grasp that he was merely acting foolishly. That night, she had been planning this whole dinner outing—really pushing him to go, too—while he kept making excuses about being swamped at work and such. Then, out of nowhere, she overhears him on the phone, flirting heavily with this other woman, telling her how badly he needs to see her, and then actually calling her up that very same evening. He... well, he just wanted to blow off some steam, I suppose, and thank God she caught that conversation when she did—she managed to convince herself that nothing physical had happened between them yet—but in her eyes, this is essentially cheating, because if she hadn't overheard him, who knows where things might have headed.
I manage to calm her down once in a while, though usually only for a moment; the second she sees any happy couple doing something sweet, she immediately brings up what her husband did to her and starts crying all over again.
northerncyclist2 said:I'm really glad if it's working for you 👍
I actually went to see a psychiatrist on purpose, because after talking to a few psychologists and psychiatrists before, I kind of got the feeling that I charm them a little too much (mostly older women with kids) to the point where they can't really "push" me where I need to go. Or maybe that's just my impression, but they'd praise me for being so laid-back, easygoing, and sharp during our talks that it actually made me feel a bit awkward. 😁 And that look they give you... like, how can you claim to have social anxiety? I mean, I don't really have it right here, but I guess I do in certain situations 😬
As for this guy, I didn't really vibe with him at first glance, and honestly, that feeling didn't really change during the session 🤷
It's just tough, I guess, to find someone who is engaged enough to really get to know you deeply, while still staying completely neutral at the same time.
Robin Gonzalez3 said:So, here’s the deal—I’ve been dealing with OCD since back in 2007 or 2008, I can't quite recall the exact year. But honestly? The last two years have been a total train wreck. My OCD symptoms have mostly chilled out, but now I’m stuck in this manic-depressive loop. It feels like I’m hitting manic depression with psychosis, but my doctor is dragging her feet because she thinks I’m too young for that specific diagnosis... you know how it is, they don't want to rush things. Right now, my cocktail consists of Zyprexa 25mg in the morning, then another 50mg at night, Xanax 0.25mg twice a day, and 20mg of Elice in the morning... My memory is pretty shot, I have zero patience for anything, and the mania hits me like a freight train. I’ll blow through every cent I have in a heartbeat, and then—boom—the depression crashes down. It’s just a constant cycle, mania, depression, mania, depression... over and over. I end up doing stuff I’d never dream of doing otherwise, and when the depression kicks in, I realize what an idiot I was, but when I'm manic? Everything feels perfect. Nothing is wrong. I flip-flop on my opinions in a split second—whether it's about people or myself. And the panic attacks? They hit me out of nowhere; I can literally feel my heart pounding like it’s about to explode out of my chest. I smoke like a chimney and I drink way too much—to the point where I'm basically killing myself with alcohol, and I'm only 18. I know, I know—everyone is going to jump down my throat about being irresponsible and mixing meds with booze, but believe me, it’s stronger than me. I want to change it so bad, but I just can't. I really can't! I don't have anyone to actually talk to about this, so I figured I'd come to this forum to find some kind of solace. I spend most of my life pretending to be someone I'm not, just being a huge hypocrite... I don't know, I want to change, but I feel stuck... I’m writing this right now with a relatively clear head, but tomorrow? Tomorrow I'll probably read this and have a completely different take. I'll think I'm stronger than all this, and I'll probably just laugh at everything I wrote here... I hurt people constantly—people I don't actually want to hurt—but the thing is, I rarely even feel guilty about it... I've cycled through so many medications by now: Haldol, Prazin, Elice, Cipralex, Faverin, Depakine Chrono, Zyprexa, Valium, Xanax, Normabel, Sanval, etc... I’m at a loss, I don't know what else to do. This isn't sustainable... I'm basically destroying myself. I have suicidal thoughts quite often, though I know deep down I won't actually go through with it... If there's any professional out there who actually understands this stuff, please, give me some advice... WHAT DO I DO? I go to the psychiatrist, they talk to me for ten minutes, hand me a prescription, and say goodbye... I don't have the cash for a private specialist, and I just feel like I'm drowning... Help!
redtiger35 said:Hey everyone, I'm new here, though I've been lurking on the forum for a while now.
I’ve been dealing with mixed anxiety and depression, taking 15 mg of Elice and about 0.5 mg of Xanax daily "as needed" for maybe 3 or 4 months. I've already talked things through with my psychiatrist—we check in pretty often since I go to a private practice, which is tough on my budget, but honestly, she's a lifesaver so I just cut back on other stuff to make it work... anyway, she thinks the anxiety has cleared up significantly (!), but the depression hasn't budged. My appetite and sex drive have vanished too (which, honestly, works for me), and I can't even cry anymore. That's also super typical; I noticed it just a week after starting the AD—I feel like I need to cry, but nothing comes out, which was a huge shift from my old life where I'd be sobbing 3 or 4 times a week. BUT, that deep sadness, dissatisfaction, and total lack of interest in life are still right there. So, when we last spoke, my doctor suggested switching up my meds... and yeah, now I'm stressing.
Just to be clear, I'm not planning on following any advice from this forum; I have my own doctor and I trust her... but I've always appreciated hearing about people's experiences, and especially being able to vent like this since I don't really have anyone around me who gets it, let alone someone going through the exact same thing. 👋
How did you guys handle switching medications? How often do you actually end up changing things? And is it possible that Big Pharma is just playing us? Look, I know how wrong and ignorant it is to take depression lightly, but I definitely take my depression lightly. 😢 As soon as I feel even slightly better, I start blaming myself, or if I feel terrible, I blame myself then too... Like, I must be doing something wrong. I can't stop thinking that maybe depression is just made up and I'm just wrecking my body with all these pills for nothing. The truth is, Xanax is what pulled me out of that dark hole. For the Elice, I haven't noticed anything major over these three months, though I can't say it hasn't helped a bit with managing the anxiety. But the anxiety was never nearly as heavy as the depression was.
I'm terrified of new side effects from a different med, and everything else that comes with it... I originally wanted to stop the AD after six months, but now if we introduce something new, I'll probably be stuck on this stuff for a year or even longer... 😢 What has your experience been like, guys?
Jason Vaughn482 said:I honestly can't seem to settle on any AD; I recently gave Zoloft a shot, but after ten days, I threw in the towel. Now I'm just relying on Xanax. I’d give anything to not have to deal with this at all, but Zoloft made me feel significantly worse during that ten-day window.