Posts by Jerry Martinez5

Donna Taylor68 said:That was basically my game plan this year too—heading out to the middle of nowhere late August/early September:
1/ dodging everyone in NYC (friends, coworkers, just people in general)
2/ avoiding the crowds at the coast (whether it's family houses or just packed beaches and boardwalks)

If the weather holds up, I couldn't be happier 🙂

This isn't about being a mizantrop, it's just a smart move. NYC is honestly at its best in the summer when the crowds clear out.
The coast is much better in June or September, too—when there isn't a massive crowd. You can actually have the streets and beaches to yourself.

David Mendoza4 said:I actually just got into this huge blowout with a friend over something pretty similar, and honestly, I always seem to be the one who loses my cool and ends up getting labeled as the unstable or high-strung one, even though the reality is she can be incredibly draining and demanding, just talking about herself for hours on end without realizing it, and she just doesn't get why it's such an issue, but people like that totally exhaust me... plus, apparently, I'm just boring to them since we don't share the same interests, and I really can't stand listening to endless gossip or hearing about shopping sprees, especially when it's the same story told five different times, and I just don't understand how some people don't realize how exhausting they're being😢
lately, I’ve been feeling at my absolute happiest whenever I can just disconnect from the real world and lose myself in a good book, some great music, or a movie. 😕

So, I guess you'd have to be a mizantrop just for cutting her off? 🤣

Why are you even hanging out with her? Why call her a friend? You aren't a mizantrop; you just seem to have a thing for toxic jerks. Why do this to yourself?

Look, it's not really a choice: either you put up with idiots, or you end up totally alone. It’s a vicious cycle. People who get surrounded by leeches because they can't say "no" eventually have to retreat into total isolation just to recover from the constant harassment. But the people bothering you aren't the problem—it's you, for allowing it to happen. 😢

Why? Is letting people walk all over you the only way to have a social life? Of course it isn't.

Amy Scott93 said:I know I’ll sound completely delusional, but out on my remote island, there isn't a soul around—no people, no computers, nothing. My mind keeps drifting to this one idea: just digging into the dirt and starting a vegetable garden. The catch? I have zero clue what I'm doing and I've never even touched a shovel in my life.🙈

Well, you actually have the chance to do things solo and genuinely enjoy them now. Even if you don't have a backyard to work in.😉

I love walking by myself, hitting the movies alone, stuff like that. I only hang out with people when I actually feel like it. I wouldn't call that being a misanthrope. If I were still living in a college dorm, constantly going out and grabbing coffee with my girlfriends, I’d probably lose my mind. We all need downtime. I guess once you finally learn how to be alone and actually enjoy your own company, you start building better relationships with others too.

Amy Scott93 said:Amen to that. I’ve officially lost it if I’m preferring my digital life over the real one.

Why say you "lost the plot"?

Dealing with people takes effort. Online, you still have rules to follow, but communication is just... easier. If things get awkward or unpleasant, you just shut the laptop. It’s way simpler than dealing with stuff in the real world.

To actually get along with others, you first have to figure out what you like, what you don't, and how to actually say it. You have to learn how to carry yourself so people respect you while still making sure everyone's having a good time. Then there's judging which relationships are worth the investment and which ones you should just cut loose. It's a massive headache.

Dana Morales64 said:Look, take my old man—he lives like that. Even when he’s got a day off, he won't step foot outside the apartment; he just spends the entire day glued to the TV or sleeping. He basically never goes out. I honestly couldn't live that way. He almost never takes a vacation, either—either because he finds it boring when he isn't working, or he'll end up picking up some random side gig for two or three hours a day during his time off just to have an excuse to leave the house, even if it doesn't pay a dime. Maybe that lifestyle works for him, but for me, it's 😲

And honestly, my dad is the same way when he's home—just eating, lying around, and sleeping. He actually hates having a free day. But he loves his job and is always tinkering with something around the house. I mean, I think it would be much more interesting if, when he got home, he listened to opera, practiced yoga, or knitted socks, but no. He just wants to rest so he can go right back to work tomorrow 😉

Dana Morales64 said:I honestly don't get people who live their entire lives in this endless loop—just commuting to work, coming home, sitting in front of the TV until they pass out, and then doing it all over again the next day. It’s just a cycle of nothingness. I mean, seriously, what kind of existence is that? 😲

Well, it depends. If you actually enjoy your job—if it’s challenging and keeps you engaged—that could be a perfectly fine way to live. A huge number of people live like that, especially during certain phases. Like when you're just starting out in your career and you're desperate to prove yourself.

We have this tendency to pigeonhole others far too easily. Dana Morales64, how many people do you actually *know* well enough to claim they just sit around watching TV all day? For all you know, they might be hosting massive parties every other night while you assume they're just bingeing soap operas.😍

crimsonviper88 said:Look, I get it. People have every right to say you need to move on by yourself—social circles aren't some essential requirement for life. But there’s this one thing... I tend to get really attached to people. I invest everything into my relationships, just like I do with my current group of friends. I live in this little bubble thinking we're perfect, that they're my people, and I count on them completely. Then, eventually, it hits me that this group doesn't actually fit who I am. We're just too different. I always end up bending over backwards to suit them because they're the majority, but the second I try to voice my own opinion, they always find some excuse to shut me down. It leaves me feeling totally betrayed. Honestly, I just get so angry at them for never being willing to change anything; it's always the exact same old story.

Small off-topic bit: Jerry Martinez5, are you actually a psychologist or something?

Ha, I guess there are two things at play here: it’s hard to admit your social circle isn't "perfect." It isn't, and no group ever would be. For example, say you love hiking: you're happy if you have a good group for hiking. But nobody is just a hiker; everyone has other interests. You might want to go see U2 with them, but they don't listen to that music, so instead they call you to a Jelene Karleuša or Thompson concert. What now? Nothing. You just have one group for hiking and another for concerts. 🙂

It's the same for me with friends. One is for grabbing coffee, another is for running trails, and with a third, I'll grab a beer, but I could never drag them out into nature... I used to have several different circles. You pick a completely different crowd when you need support studying for exams, or when you want to hit the clubs in NYC.

(not a psychologist)

EDIT: And yeah, it seems like you're afraid you'll have to ditch your old friends if you start expanding your interests and activities. But that isn't necessarily true. Nor should you feel guilty about it: those people probably have other people in their lives that you don't even know about.

hiddenhawk3 said:Yeah, when it comes to sports, my "friends" were always just a distraction.
Personally, I can't stand ball sports. 😳 Some people live for them, or a few of us would try to get together and work out, but they'd just get in the way with their constant interruptions—and even then, we’d barely get anything done, or at least not the way I pictured it.
I guess you don't really need anyone else when you're doing stuff you actually, truly love...
I agree with what Jerry Martinez5 said; there are a million different ways to break up the monotony.
But life is just one big routine, no matter how you look at it. That's what gets to me, too, but I suppose it's just 🤷

Ha, personally, what kills me is that I can't seem to actually establish a routine at all.😁

I'm not joking: it isn't pleasant when you're stuck in such chaos that you have zero clue what your day will look like tomorrow.

The ideal scenario would probably be finding a balance—having a set ratio of habits and routines on one hand, while leaving enough breathing room for new experiences on the other. And that could be anything: for instance, I'm trying out a new recipe tonight and I'm pretty happy about it. 😉

Habits are great if you actually enjoy them. Take my morning coffee ritual, for example: I definitely don't want to break that "routine," though I'd certainly be more satisfied if my other meals were scheduled, maybe roughly at the same time every day. Or if hitting the gym became a regular thing so I didn't have to force myself to go to the movies or a play: 👍

So, I think it's not the routine itself that kills people, but rather the fact that their routine consists of things they don't even enjoy.

hiddenhawk3 said:Well, that doesn't sound like much of a problem to me🤷. Just find some more high-energy people and enjoy them🙂
But honestly, everything eventually turns into a routine. Even the stuff you actually love becomes a habit after a while. Life is mostly just one long cycle of repetition, I guess.🤷
Even if you were skydiving every single day, eventually, that would start feeling like a routine too.

I guess I agree here. Back when I was in college, we weren't just going out once a week; it was every night. And even then, I was still just "average." I was part of a crowd that balanced partying with studying, so I didn't really stand out. Honestly, being average didn't bother me. Why? Because that life worked for me at the time. Some people studied more and went out once a week. Others...

"Average" is probably the wrong word for what you're describing. You’re just looking for a way out of this monotony you say you've fallen into. To break the cycle, you don't necessarily need to book a trip to an African safari. Go to the movies by yourself. Hit up the zoo. Start cooking Chinese food at home... I'm just rambling now. But maybe the best advice is this: start thinking about what you actually want. How specifically would you change your life? Those excuses like "I want to get into fitness, but my friends aren't interested" are pretty lame. If you want something, just do it. Alone. Once you start, you'll quickly find yourself surrounded by people who share your interests. But if you never start, you'll never find them.

crimsonviper88 said:What’s your take on average people? You know, the ones who just want a totally mundane, run-of-the-mill life? People who don't care about big thrills or massive changes. They’re just settled into their routine, comfortable with it, and don't have any desire to shake things up.

Lately, I feel like I'm constantly fighting against being mediocre. I hate it. I can't stand people who are just... passive. Honestly, I might even say I feel something close to hatred toward them.

But here’s the thing that really gets to me: I think I’m becoming one of them. I have a small circle I hang out with most—we’ve known each other since high school, maybe five or six years now. They’re my real friends, the only ones I actually care about. Everyone else is just an acquaintance. But lately, I’ve realized this core group is exactly what I described above. Passive. Unwilling to change. Afraid of taking risks or finding excitement. It irritates the hell out of me because by hanging out with them, I’m basically forced to be like them. I don't have the energy to break out of this rut on my own. I don't *want* to be ordinary. But I don't have a social circle that actually pushes me to be different—one where I can actually be myself. The version of me I actually want to be.

Look, obviously I want to keep my friends. I love them, despite our differences. But how do you stop being so dependent on them? Everyone has their own needs and wants, but if the majority wants one thing, then the minority's desires—in this case, mine—just end up pushed aside...

That’s a whole other issue right there: you want to be accepted by society, but you also want to develop interests and needs that have nothing to do with them. If you actually show who you are, people might act weird, judge you, or just distance themselves entirely.

We’re all basically just trying to figure out that balance: how much should you be yourself, and how much should you perform just to fit in? We learn which people are actually worth the effort. As you explore who you are, your circle of friends inevitably shifts. Some people evolve, sure. Others stay on the exact same block they were born on, hanging out with the same crowd for their entire lives.

crimsonviper88 said:Yeah, I get it. I know I need to move on and find some new circle, a group where I could finally just be my actual self. But honestly? It’s hard to find a new crowd when it’s this difficult to just cut ties with everything from the past.

Ha. That basically means you’re being passive. Maybe you just don't love risk, danger, or the messiness of failure all that much. Perhaps the safety of your current circle feels better? In other words: you're playing it safe.

Advice: stop obsessing over "average people" and quit underestimating those around you. It doesn't help anyone. Instead, maybe focus on what you actually want to do. What are your goals? Other people aren't an excuse for why you aren't taking action.

Why does a successful entrepreneur make ten times more than a standard employee? Because they took the leap. And risk means exactly that: you put everything on the line. You might win big, or you might lose everything. Most people just hate the idea of risking it, because, obviously, there are no guarantees.

Look, I’m no expert, but from what I’ve read, grieving doesn't have to be limited to just a few months. I'd probably suggest seeing a therapist after those first couple of months anyway, just to tackle the same questions you're asking here.

No matter how massive the trauma is, everyone reacts differently based on their own personality. Trauma itself doesn't break us; if someone does break, the trauma is really just the trigger. (And I'm talking about adults here, like you and your brother).

Carol Castillo4 said:LOUDMOUTHS!!!!!!!! Preach. 😁

Well, maybe don't type in all caps then, because online that basically means you're yelling, implying you're being too loud.

And around here, you might actually get banned for that.

Wilson 🙂

granitefalcon26 said:I actually disagree with that. I'm no pharmacologist or psychiatrist, but there is a real difference. I'd love to save money by taking citalopram too, but when I was on 40 mg a day, I felt super anxious and had more panic attacks. 😲Since switching back to Lexapro, I've been feeling way better.👍And I only need one 10 mg dose of Lexapro a day.🙂

granitefalcon26, maybe stop telling everyone else that sex is some kind of cure for depression or mental health issues? I just had to delete another one of your posts about it.

It's pretty obvious that even sex hasn't helped you get off those pills entirely.

lock

Dana Morales64, you already started a similar thread over on the Psychology board, and you got plenty of straight answers back then. That’s why I didn't ban the people who gave you those blunt responses. Just because your parents don't own a car doesn't mean they're any less worthy.

So, maybe you'll just have to work your tail off and earn yourself a ride. You're 18 now, which means you really only have anyone to blame but yourself. Can't find a decent job? Didn't bother learning a second language, so you can't head overseas for better pay? I won't even ask—I'm guessing you aren't in college, so you basically cut off your own easiest path to making money...

If it bothers you so much that your folks don't have a vehicle, then I guess you should roll up your sleeves and buy one for them. Just do the math on how much they've spent on you from birth until now: it's probably enough to buy a Ford.

And I'm asking the rest of you to keep the direct insults to a minimum. That gets you banned.

Are you all aware that Ronald Rogers27 started this thread a year ago? And he hasn't even logged onto the forum in a month.

Is a driver's psych test actually an IQ test? 😕

Of course the results depend on how much effort you put in or if you're just mentally blocked... which is why I guess even highly intelligent people struggle to pass their driving exams, or maybe they just don't even bother trying to drive at all.

Look, this might be your chance to actually sit down and think about things. Is this relationship really what you want? What are you actually looking for here? Do you honestly see yourself having kids one day? With your current boyfriend?

How exactly do you imagine having a child would change your life?