Posts by Jerry Martinez5

Other people don't act because of us. They act for themselves. I guess if you actually want to figure out why someone behaves a certain way, you have to consider them—their feelings, their baggage. What’s their life actually like? What's going on at home? Maybe they're dealing with a nightmare of a spouse.

Whether you're a good person or not has absolutely nothing to do with how they choose to act

feralcobra92 said:I don't have any issues with my bosses, but things are getting really difficult at my desk because I’m stuck working with a bunch of low-level slackers instead of actual professionals.
I honestly can't wrap my head around why you're hating on the new guy. If he treats you with respect, there is absolutely no reason to hold a grudge, and personally, I just don't see the point.
It isn't like I’m walking around expecting everyone to fall in love with me, but I certainly don't expect people to despise me either! It’s pretty simple: I show you respect, so you show it back to me—that’s just how I operate. That's why this whole situation feels so bizarre to me. Maybe I’m just wired differently, but I truly don't go around hating new people, and I’m definitely not bitter about someone else's paycheck. Why on earth would I be?
At the end of the day, I actually love what I do, and that’s what matters most to me. At all my previous jobs, I always maintained a perfectly professional relationship with my coworkers, so this current environment is just plain awful.

I'm trying to help you see things from their perspective. To understand why they've gone totally hostile on you. If you don't want to understand, fine. You'll just keep suffering and wondering, "Why are they treating me like this when I'm such a good person?"

But if you actually want to know why they're acting this way, think about what I'm saying.

Pick one of them who's pissed off at you. Just one. Think about everything she would have to do to earn the salary you're pulling right now.

feralcobra92 said:Honestly, I end up working fewer hours but pulling in a higher paycheck, so what do you guys think—is that why they’re giving me such a hard time?
I don't really look at things through that lens, and I certainly don't expect anyone else to either.
Back at my old job, I was actually making more than my manager, and let me tell you, it felt incredibly awkward. She was absolutely wonderful to me, too.

It doesn't matter how you think; what matters is understanding how *they* think.

Personally, I absolutely loathe it when someone walks into my office—which happens all the time—making twice what I do. I certainly don't go out of my way to make their life easy, even though I know starting a new gig is tough.

So why are they coming after you? Because they hate your haircut?

And how do your bosses view you? You don't have issues with them? Maybe try accepting the fact that you can't please everyone. It’s perfectly normal that those women don't accept you, because quite simply you aren't one of them. You said it yourself: your hours are shorter, yet you earn more than they do. If you walked into my company, I’d hate your guts. I'm working my ass off expecting a raise, I don't get it, and they tell me there's no budget: then they go and hire someone like you!!

If you really want everyone to love you, sign up to be a janitor at your firm. Then see how those women react to you.

Jeremy Baker6 said:My grandma used to tell me: you don't have to shake hands with the devil just to get closer to God.

So, what’s the alternative then? What exactly was your grandma's wisdom here? 😉

I suppose a heterosexual person goes through a homosexual phase while they're growing up. They might not even realize it. It doesn't necessarily mean they're actually having sex with the same gender.

It could just be passing through via an intense bond with a "best friend." You know how girls can be—so inseparable they practically go to the bathroom together. I don't know anyone in their 30s who still has that kind of intensity, though I guess they exist; but during puberty and those teen years, it seems to happen all the time.

feralcobra92 said:I have absolutely no intention of knocking my colleagues down, no matter how thick-headed, backward, or just plain malicious they might be! It honestly eats away at me how much we fail to understand one another, because it feels like we’re all speaking completely different languages. Their heads are just stuffed full of nothing but outdated prejudices instead of actual common sense, which is truly the absolute bottom of the barrel. My core values are nothing like theirs, and I mean that sincerely. When I hear people cheering for someone I know is a total criminal and an absolute piece of trash, while they simultaneously look down on brilliant, wonderful people, it honestly makes me want to gag!

Look, can you actually grasp that they would love nothing more than to take your salary? Imagine if you were making $1,000$1000 more for the exact same hours. Maybe it's just normal that they're jealous?

And the fact that you—with your pay—and them—with theirs—can't live the same lives? Or share the same values? No, those people aren't going to accept you. Either you accept reality for what it is, or you'll have to leave.

Can you even imagine how they feel? They're human beings too, right? And they're stuck with such pathetic wages. Of course they're bitter.

Nathan Kelly5 said:Nonsense. First off, if she acts like it doesn't bother her when it clearly does, she’ll just drive them even crazier. Second, you absolutely cannot settle these things one-on-one; in that setting, he'll just act like he has everyone else's backing, and nothing will change.

Call an emergency meeting with all of them immediately—you should have done that on day one. Try saying something like: "I've called this meeting because certain rumors and comments have reached me. I'm not interested in the drama, but if this starts affecting our productivity, I will be forced to implement changes—not for my own sake, but out of responsibility to my role and to our company. That is all, thank you for your time."

AMEN.

If you can't or won't hold your ground like that, then maybe you aren't cut out for this position and should find a job with less responsibility.

Unfortunately, many young professionals today don't take these dynamics seriously until they're actually facing them and realize they're out of their depth, despite being well-educated and bright. Intelligence alone isn't enough to navigate this; you need confidence and authority. You can't deal with hardball players with a "friendly" attitude, or you won't get far. Business is business. On the other hand, be careful—make sure your supervisor is aware of the situation and has your back. Just like in football, it's much easier for management to fire a coach than twenty players.

Completely wrong. How old are you?

When dealing with coworker issues, ignoring them is usually best. If you play it cool, they'll eventually give up. If things escalate to the point where they're lying to management, then your only move is to request a meeting with your supervisor.

Look, I finished college. I work at a place where 80 percent of the staff is below me in the hierarchy. So what if the secretaries, delivery drivers, or janitors have opinions about me? Of course I care about getting along with everyone, so I try to be polite. But naturally, they probably think I'm some idiot making three times their salary for doing nothing. What else would a cleaner, whose back aches from physical labor, think when she walks by my desk and sees me reading papers? Just as I don't think the CEO deserves five times my salary, she doesn't think I do either. I just try to make her life easier and stay kind, and that's it. I'm certainly not going to convince her that I deserve a higher pay grade.🙂

feralcobra92 said:Look, I’m not exactly some wide-eyed kid anymore, but somehow I’ve managed to dodge all this nonsense up until now! I’ve always been a straight shooter who values being completely open and honest, so I just don't have the stomach for all this messy, shady business.

Just answer me one thing: do they actually throw you under the bus in front of the bosses?

So, did they actually say all that during the meeting with the bosses, where it could potentially come back to haunt you? I mean, what’s the word from your management regarding those accusations?

feralcobra92 said:I really hope you're right about this! A colleague who’s been at the company for ten years told me straight up that my only real mistake was being the new kid on the block.
Honestly, working at this government agency is such a trip because the bosses just couldn't care less about anything; they don't lift a finger to intervene even when things are going sideways. Most of the people I've had to deal with have been there for over thirty years, so they're totally set in their ways. I'm not even angry, I'm just genuinely heartbroken about it all. I used to show up to work every morning with such a huge smile on my face, but now? Now I honestly wish I could just close my eyes and never have to face this reality again. I actually tried to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with the person who makes my life a total nightmare, but she completely shut me out; she just stays stuck in her own little world and treats everything I say like a blatant lie. It's like I'm speaking a foreign language to her! If things don't turn around soon, I'm definitely going to start looking for a new job elsewhere. What a complete mess.

So, how specifically are they making your life difficult? What are they actually doing, besides the backstabbing?

Have you ever been at a company for a long time, hoping for a raise, only to have someone new come in for a higher position and better pay? Newcomers are rarely welcomed, especially if they're getting paid more. But eventually, things tend to settle. Maybe. Don't apologize; just act like you don't notice anything and do your job as best you can. If you try too hard to win them over, you just look weak—and then they'll likely be even harder on you.

Moderators aren't obligated to explain why a post gets nuked. I guess you should probably re-read the forum rules and the psychology section guidelines. There's also an FAQ PDF if you actually want to look it up.

Your post was deleted because it contained this:

Now I'd say that bitch above deserves to be punished since she insulted me

If I hadn't just deleted it, I would have given you a strike for insulting other users.

Generally speaking, we delete irrelevant posts, off-topic nonsense, and spam... I'd much rather just delete things than hand out strikes.

Henry Ramirez192 said:😲😲
guys, I need help 😲.... I just Googled "Tramadol" and ended up here.

My husband has been taking Tramadol for his pain for a while now because Advil, Motrin, and all that other stuff just doesn't touch it anymore. He has this leg issue and the pain is absolutely brutal.

But, for the last few days, I’ve started noticing that he looks... addicted.🤷

Yesterday, he actually admitted to me that something is wrong, because if he misses a dose, he starts feeling really weird.

And look, JUST SO THERE'S NO CONFUSION;( and so it doesn't look like he's some kind of junkie—before this whole leg thing happened, he probably wouldn't have taken more than two pills in his entire life.
His leg got worse and he couldn't function normally because of the pain..

so now what? 🤷 What do I do? 🤷

How do we get past this?
Please, someone give me some actual advice—he’s clearly in shock but he's also totally aware of what's happening to him.

Who prescribed that Tramadol? For what reason? And why aren't you asking his doctors these questions instead of posting them here on a forum?

Also, is anyone actually treating the underlying leg issue, or is all the medical care just revolving around popping painkillers?

Hannah Chase44 said:what's the take on this topic?
ANYONE actually dealt with this before... did the family suffer too?

I merged this with an older thread on the same topic. go read it.

goldenwalker5, stop typing in all caps unless you want a warning 🤣

For Royal, it's always some weird code or whatever. It feels like there’s always a moderator handing out bans—by the time I even figure out who it is, someone else has already stepped in to ban me.

It’s happening here on the forum just like it does in the real world.

The best remedy—both online and in everyday life—is to just ignore it. I guess if someone realizes you aren't biting, they'll eventually give up. Provided you actually stay quiet, that is.

If they're breaking the rules, though, just report the post to the moderators.

Drew Morgan said:Unfortunately, we’re already living in the Wild West. You think bosses don't pull these stunts on their employees? You're just a lucky outlier with better terms, apparently.

With a judicial system that’s completely broken, where is a rule-follower supposed to actually exercise their rights? Bringing up the law has become an absolute joke.

People who didn't react the way the OP did are being systematically crushed. But look at the psychology here—I don't think her reaction was irrational; it was a natural response.

People who reacted like the OP end up in jail or a psych ward. Honestly, I hope she manages to avoid that. Usually, people see the light for the first time, even if the case actually goes to court.

No, bosses don't physically beat their employees. Sure, bosses harass employees in all sorts of ways and work them into the ground, but proving that in court is nearly impossible.

People who reacted like the OP failed to protect themselves. You need to defend yourself without resorting to violence. I get her frustration. But if you respond to frustration with violence, you're headed for jail or a mental institution. Sorry.

It's natural for people on this forum to have different views. But not about this. There is no excuse for physical violence. Okay, maybe there is: if the guy had hit her baby, I'd understand her hitting him back. I think even a judge would see it that way when deciding the sentence.

Drew Morgan said:All this advice and criticism being thrown at the author assumes we’re living in some kind of utopia.

We see decent, polite people getting steamrolled far too often. Evil is more than just a nuisance.

She stood her ground, and honestly, she should feel good about it. It’s a natural reaction—it shows she actually has a backbone.

If more people reacted with that kind of decisiveness, we’d see a lot less of the usual nonsense—the bullying, the workplace harassment, and the constant tearing people down.

If everyone reacted like that, we’d basically be living in the Wild West. I mean, imagine if my boss just clocked me in the head every time I was five minutes late or caught scrolling through Reddit instead of working?

Physical assault is a crime. You go to jail for that. Period.

Standing up for yourself is good. I guess. As long as you pick actual healthy methods and don't resort to violence.

You hit him and broke his nose. Whether he actually filed a lawsuit against you or not, you’ve got a problem. A massive one.

Say you go to Target tomorrow, for example, and the cashier makes a mistake and gives you less change than you're owed. Are you going to break her nose? Shoot her in the head?

You clearly have some deep-seated frustrations in your personal life that you need to deal with. That guy was just the trigger.

Angela Morgan3 said:I mean, I'll give them the green light to love me if they want to 🙂 but they just won't 🙂

You want people to love you—really, truly want it—so you basically give them carte blanche. And people take advantage of that. You know exactly what they’re doing to you
.
- If you want people to be respectful, you have to respect yourself first. Say you made plans with a friend, she doesn't show up, and you just sit there suffering and waiting for thirty minutes? That teaches them they can do whatever they want while you'll always be waiting.

- People love you when you love yourself. They treat you well if you treat yourself well. To me, that means if someone is ten minutes late without even a heads-up, you turn around and leave. While you're wasting time on people who can't offer you basic affection, you're missing out on much better people who actually could.

stormyheron20 said:Bingo.

Any advice? Recommendations? Experience? A solution to the problem?

No.
But I should add that we're in the same boat—my guilt stems from the fact that I haven't solved the problem. Because I simply don't know how.
Your "self" is composed of your fears, your beliefs (or lack thereof), your upbringing... that's why the conflict within you is so intense. It's impossible to separate the self from everything else. Even if you managed to do it, what would be left of you?
And do you have a solid grasp on concepts like good vs. evil, justice vs. injustice, morality, and so on? Or is that where you're getting stuck? I assume it's the latter, given that you've spent the last three months rejecting everything else.

No. You aren't your fears or how you were raised... you are you. You're that inner being that actually lives and loves. The fears and the guilt are just things that stop that being from living and growing naturally.

Nicholas Gomez27 said:That whole concept was basically invented just so people could make others feel like crap.

It’s a miserable feeling when I just completely screw myself over—that specific brand of misery where nobody else is at fault, and honestly, I can't even point a finger at myself either...

In those moments, I just snap. I want to lash out, bite, tear things apart.
I end up feeling frustrated in about ≈ 2.356194490192344928846982537459627163147877049531
(hint: three major US corporations)

I agree.

According to Freud, guilt and that sense of culpability stem from an oversized superego. You probably had a mother who was way too strict, someone who mostly criticized or punished you rather than offering what a parent should actually provide—which is unconditional love.

We basically end up sabotaging ourselves.

Nobody ever became a "better" person because of excessive guilt; instead, people just become neurotic or alcoholics. You can never satisfy a strict mother, no matter how hard you try.

Once we grow up, we have to learn how to fix this. It’s like unlearning bad parenting. We need to realize that human beings aren't perfect, which means neither are we. We have to learn to forgive our own mistakes and set realistic goals. If your mom wanted to be a Nobel Prize winner or a star athlete, but her life got derailed by having you—well, that should stay her problem, not yours.