Posts by copperfox22

Lawrence Patel9 said:I’m my own worst enemy at every turn. It wasn't some massive trauma, just left me alone and completely broken. Hurt like hell. Even now, after all this time, I still think about her and... I freeze up. Every time a real opportunity comes along, I sabotage it. I shut down. I run from anything that feels like a real emotional connection.

Maybe I just haven't met anyone worth the effort, or someone I could love the way I loved her. Who knows. Honestly, I have no clue. And it's been a long time. Longer than we were even together.

It’s not exactly that I’m dodging people or refusing to meet anyone new. It’s more that very few people actually catch my eye, and on those rare occasions when they do, everything starts feeling high-stakes as soon as we move past that initial stage. Either I feel that surge of anxiety and end up fighting myself—sometimes I even manage to push through, only to regret it later 🙄...you know, I wish I hadn't. It would have been better. Because then one of two things happens: either things go sideways, or I walk away, or they just aren't interested in the first place.

For me, it isn't about pining over some ex-partner. That’s long gone; I moved past that ages ago, both mentally and emotionally. The bigger issue seems to be my tendency to pick the wrong guys. 😕

Walter Peterson said:Bad experiences teach us caution, plain and simple. This behavior you described is your defense mechanism; it serves its purpose, but you have to loosen the grip slightly. You need to be willing to open up if you feel someone is worth it, while still maintaining a healthy level of skepticism. Being cold and guarded at all times leads nowhere. One must demonstrate a willingness to give someone a chance... in my experience, people respond much better when approached with positivity and reasonable expectations. It gives even those who might have been problematic in the past a shot at being better. If they mess up after you've shown them kindness—then you simply move on.

Your mind is acting out of pure fear of disappointment. However, you cannot allow that fear to dictate the entirety of your life. It is far worse to suffer through the anticipation of a potential disaster than to actually deal with the reality if it happens.

Perhaps being attracted to the wrong people is itself a defense mechanism: with them, you are certain from the outset that disappointment is coming. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy...

A significant portion of romantic struggles, for both men and women, boils down to flawed selection criteria. People are naturally drawn to those who are exciting, elusive, and unpredictable... since when was anyone ever truly thrilled by the "nice guy"?🙂

As for me, I refuse to let the weight of the past limit, mark, hinder, or sabotage my future. There is no way it will stand in the way of finding the Right One; I won't permit it.🙂

But like I said, sometimes you *do* manage to let your guard down, only for everything to fall apart. Then the next time around, it's even harder for me; I get stuck in this dark, moody headspace... telling myself, "Get it together, girl, stop being so dramatic." And while I'm wrestling with those thoughts, I'm simultaneously nursing this hope that eventually, the "Right One" will show up 🙄...I just really don't want to deal with that rush of excitement again only to have it turn into another dud. 😢

- then you just move on.

The hard part is actually doing that—moving on. Even when you desperately want to.

Maybe the reason you're attracted to the wrong people is also a defense mechanism: with them, you already know disappointment is coming. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy...

And I hadn't even considered it from that angle yet. 😁
I was so certain I wasn't self-sabotaging... maybe I wasn't even aware that I was. 😕

People have always been drawn to the exciting, the elusive, and the unpredictable... I mean, who actually gets a thrill from someone being "nice"? : )

Well, it's certainly not everyone. I know plenty of people who are perfectly content with their predictable, cookie-cutter "good guys." Maybe there's just something wrong with my head 😬—this constant craving for something rare and different 😁.. Honestly, aside from the fact that it would make sense if I were looking for someone just as eccentric as I am... where on earth am I supposed to find them without constantly picking the wrong person? 🙏

I'm exhausted; sleep finally caught up with me, leaving me feeling skeptical and completely drained by all of this 😢

I’m not sure if we’ve covered a topic like this before. If we have, mods, feel free to lock this thread.

After reading through some of the discussions here and doing a bit of my own reflecting, I’ve been thinking about those "ghosts from the past" and how much weight they actually carry for us. Obviously, everyone is different—some of us are tougher, some more sensitive, some more confident—but I think there’s a common thread we can pull on. So, here’s my question: how much are your past romantic failures and poor choices subconsciously (or even consciously) holding you back when you try to move forward?

To kick things off, I’ll be honest about myself. I’ve started wondering if I’m just making excuses under the guise of "life getting in the way," essentially sabotaging my chances at finding a real connection. It’s not that I’m shy or confused about what I want, and I don't really deal with massive complexes (at least nothing that feels like a major issue)... I tend to march to the beat of my own drum and don't always follow social norms, though I wouldn't say I'm a rebel, since I generally fit in just fine with society.

To cut to the chase, as much as I try to convince myself otherwise, I think I still carry some baggage from my past that’s starting to cause friction. Instead of throwing myself into meeting new people or experiencing new things with an open heart right from the jump, I find myself internally telling myself, "Don't bother, it’ll just be another bust... stay guarded, keep your distance."

I can't tell if my brain is doing this because it genuinely believes I have a knack for picking the wrong people, or if it’s just a defense mechanism—a fear that if I actually dare to trust someone, I’ll just end up disappointed all over again.
Sometimes I catch myself wondering if there's a reason I'm perpetually drawn to the wrong crowd. Why does that happen? Because, honestly, the "perfectly stable" types usually don't interest me at all 😕... they're always these eccentric characters, slightly off in one way or another. Now, combined with everything else, it’s creating a total mental block. It’s like the moment I find someone attractive, there's always some glaring, dangerous flaw 😬

Anyway, bottom line: how much are your failed relationships and past mistakes actually messing with your head? 😁

Jesse Peterson5 said:Look, it’s not just about guilt or refusing to forgive yourself at some therapy center... I mean, yeah, that’s part of it. They’re basically designed to trigger that guilt trip—that feeling of "I can't live with the mistakes I made." I won't deny that. But the thing is, I hold myself to the same standard I'd expect from everyone else. If someone screws me over, I don't dwell on it. I’m pretty laid back; I don't waste energy getting worked up over people with bad personalities. I just draw a line and distance myself.
If I go against my own principles, I spiral. It’s not just a minor slip—I get hit with this heavy wave of disappointment and depression because my personality just can't handle being a hypocrite. If I demand certain standards from people, I have to live by them too. Usually, I make things right. I step up and fix the mess. But even when I do, that nagging guilt doesn't just vanish. I repent, sure, and maybe making amends takes some of the weight off, making me feel a little lighter than before, but it’s never enough. It’s never quite "fixed." I don't know how else to put it: just because I recognized a mistake and corrected it doesn't mean the guilt disappears. I saw what I did was wrong, I dealt with it, but the fallout lingers. That guilt stays with me on two levels: first, as a constant question of why I betrayed my own values, and second, because honestly? I just struggle to forgive myself for being human.

As for me, here's a quick profile...😁 😁 I tend to be a bit rebellious. Not in a negative way, but exactly like you described. To be honest, I rarely feel "happy." I'm naturally a smiley person, but it's hard to tell what's actually going on inside because I don't want my face to give anything away—so I just smile. A close friend once asked me, "Are you ever actually happy? What makes you happy?" and the worst part was, I didn't have an answer. I just don't feel it. Happiness feels too fleeting for me to dwell on; I'm usually too busy finishing tasks according to my own principles and meeting my own standards (and I don't mean stepping on people to get there 😁). But man, I feel guilt. A lot. The hardest part is looking around and seeing people I care about acting completely normal while I'm struggling. Since they're close to me, I can't just ignore it or cut them off. That's the downside of this 🤣: I don't want them to feel guilty, but it's like they have zero awareness of their impact. It's hard to explain, but it really wears me down. Sometimes I live with that guilt as a habit, and other times, because I'm a chronic overthinker, I start spiraling and it gets even worse. That's why I hesitated to start this thread. I knew once I started talking about it, I'd have to start thinking about it seriously 😁

But let's be honest, nothing ever just falls into your lap. 😁

Jesse Peterson5 said:hmmm... yeah, I can reflect on my "self" pretty well, but I can't dwell on it too much, otherwise I'll end up having a total meltdown... 😁

I understand good and evil, right and wrong, morality and immorality, all that stuff... so well that I'm honestly just hypersensitive to it. If I do something I consider unfair to someone else, I just can't forgive myself. My conscience won't let me. It takes up so much headspace that it's always there. I don't need to think about it intensely, but I know it'll pop up at some point during the day... as silly as that sounds, I think it does.😁

Today I read this beautiful sentence: "we feel guilt
only in relation to the moral standards we have sincerely embraced"
And now I'm thinking... maybe I messed up a standard I actually hold dear. Take lying, for example. I hate it with a passion, though I have lied a few times in my life. But there was this one time where the lie came from deep within me... and even though it was three years ago, I still regret it. I think about it at least once a week because I react to other things that trigger that same sense of guilt. It's crazy.
So I'm sitting here thinking: my moral code is honesty, yet I lied, and that's why I feel the guilt...
Now there's the first solution: I could follow the crowd and😁 adopt a moral standard based on lying, which would technically work as a blueprint for solving all my problems... but my personality just won't allow it. Even though I see everyone around me functioning perfectly fine under that system...
The second solution is to get rid of that feeling to a healthy degree—so it doesn't weigh me down every single day. But I haven't found a way to do that yet.
When I do something "x," I can't find some "y" to make me feel better or offset the mistake. My focus stays entirely on "x," and then the guilt kicks in...

As for the last three months... honestly, I've been struggling my whole life.😁😁😁 Not even exaggerating. But I'm used to it, so I don't pay it too much mind anymore. Instead, I focus on how to solve the problems in front of me. But truthfully, life would be a lot easier if I didn't feel this level of guilt so intensely...

Let me try to tackle this from my own perspective and based on what I've lived through. For me, it feels like my conscience was always tied directly to this heavy sense of unfulfilled expectations. I’m a bit of a perfectionist by nature, so I tend to give everything my absolute all—or at least, I try to. I’m constantly second-guessing myself, hunting for mistakes just so I can fix them, and I always carry this nagging feeling that I could be doing more or doing better. When you operate like that, people around you start to take it for granted; they assume your high standard is just the baseline. But eventually, we all slip up, or maybe we just decide we want to head in a different direction. Usually, when you don't meet those unspoken expectations, you're met with resentment or pressure from the very people you were trying to impress. That triggers a wave of guilt and dissatisfaction. And if you ever try to stand your ground again, that past experience of "rebelling" makes the guilt feel even heavier.

It was even more intense for me because I’m a bit of a rebel at heart. I find it nearly impossible to just accept a situation that feels wrong, yet at the same time, I have this deep-seated need to please everyone around me and avoid hurting anyone. This creates these massive internal conflicts, and that's exactly where the guilt creeps in. It ends up completely draining any sense of happiness or satisfaction I should be feeling from actually doing what I wanted to do.

I quoted your sentence because I think it serves as a perfect starting point. You have to begin building your own "moral compass"—one that actually reflects who you are, your values, and your realizations. 🙂It's easy to say, but incredibly hard to pull off. I'm nearing 30, and I can finally say I've somewhat navigated this issue (though I doubt it's ever truly "finished"). It has been grueling, exhausting, and mentally taxing... lots of overthinking, anxiety, and hundreds of tiny battles with myself. And I have a very strong, stubborn personality. I can't imagine how much harder it must be for someone with less willpower. 🙂

I started looking at it this way: life is short, and it's already difficult enough as it is. There's no reason to make it even harder on myself. Plus, between bad luck and dealing with certain people, 😁...I'd at least like to grant myself a little peace of mind. 🙂 Then there was the lesson we all learned back in elementary school: you can't please everyone, and honestly, that isn't a tragedy. Third, the world isn't going to end if we make a mistake; most things can be fixed.

One more vital thing:

- If someone expects you to act against your own nature and betray who you are, they are being selfish and inconsiderate. You shouldn't let them trigger your conscience.

Good luck. Constant self-work and a genuine will to change actually pay off. 👍

Angela Morgan3 said:I mean, I'll give them the green light to love me if they want to 🙂 but they just won't 🙂

🤣🤣🤣

Sorry, girl, I have to jump in too. You just totally made my morning 🙏 👍

I actually just died laughing right here 😍

quietpilot87 said:Good 4 U. I wasn't born with a PhD in consciousness, and I'm not ashamed of it. Yeah, idiots have played me before—I'm claiming my right to be stupid. I think everyone gets a certain number of credits for that. 🙏

It's not about being right all the time; it's about eating a pile of crap so you know better than to do it again next time.

🤣🤣🤣 🙏

Honestly, I’d much rather be out on a rowing shell on the Potomac at sunset than dealing with any of this. 😁

But hey, I can't complain 😍...God help those who haven't suffered for love. 🙂

Kenneth Brooks9 said:Alright, look... I’m in deep trouble here. I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years now, and we’re currently going through his methadone rehab—again. This is the second time. I’m right there with him at the psychiatrist appointments, trying my absolute best to wrap my head around this whole mess, but honestly? I’m terrified it’s just not working. I’ve never touched drugs myself—never even gone near them—so I have zero clue what it actually feels like, which makes it ten times harder to get where he's coming from. All I know is, seeing it firsthand, it is incredibly hard to walk away... at least mentally. Look, I love him, and I always will, regardless of everything, but I am just so sick of the constant lying. I really, truly want to help him and stay by his side, but I’m lost. I know he wants to quit—he really does—but then he’ll stay clean for a year, and then boom, it’s back to square one. I can't help but feel like he just doesn't have the backbone for this, and his "friends" keep dragging him right back into it... I’m begging anyone who’s dealt with this before to please give me some advice. What do I do? Do I walk away, or do I keep fighting for him???

The first thing anyone needs to grasp about drugs and addiction is this: don't take the substance at its word. People will tell you addicts are nothing but liars—and sure, some are—but in most cases, it isn't the person lying; it's the heroin. If you have even a shred of common sense, you should be able to wrap your head around that. It’s just the nature of the beast. Addiction. It’s one of those heavy, uncomfortable words that people usually try to dance around in polite conversation, but it's something we all eventually have to face head-on. Whether it's something as obvious as a substance or something more subtle like a digital loop or a workaholic streak, the mechanics of it are pretty much the same: you lose the driver's seat, and the impulse takes over. It isn't just about "willpower," though that's what most people want to believe. If it were just about having enough grit, half the population wouldn't be struggling. It’s deeper than that—it’s a physiological and psychological hijacking. You start out making a choice, but after a while, the choice stops being yours. You're just reacting to a craving that feels as vital as breathing. I think there's a certain level of stigma that makes it harder for people to seek help. We tend to view addiction as a moral failing rather than a complex health issue, which only serves to isolate the person even further. It’s a cycle of shame that feeds the very behavior someone is trying to escape. Breaking that cycle requires more than just a New Year's resolution; it requires a complete overhaul of how we approach recovery and support systems.So, it looks like they’re calling the shots now.

On another note, just so we're clear—it’s perfectly normal for them to lie to your face, but I figured you should know that.

Quincy:

I really want to be there for him and help him through this, I truly do. It’s just that I'm struggling to figure out the best way to actually do it.

You can't help anyone—especially not someone struggling with addiction—if they don't actually want it, or if they’re busy flat-out denying that they even need help in the first place.

Quincy:

I’m convinced there is. Weak character. And honestly, his little "inner circle" just keeps feeding right back into that behavior...

A weak character is honestly one of the biggest reasons why people fall into addiction in the first place. It’s this internal "adversary" that’s incredibly tough to beat, even if you have a rock-solid will. You have to realize that. No matter how much love you pour into him or how much you want to help, it won't be enough to fix it. And unfortunately, he can't fix it for himself either.

Quincy:

Should I walk away from him, or am I still fighting for something worth saving?

No one is going to hand you that answer on a silver platter. You’re going to have to dig deep and find it within yourself. It won't be easy—far from it—but it isn't impossible either. 🙂
Someone very close to me had this way of experiencing love—it was so intense and transformative that it actually made me start believing in magic again. It honestly felt like they could move mountains. But, as it turns out, it didn't exactly wrap up with a fairy tale ending. 😢
Honestly, love and support can work wonders... people are finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel again. But let's be real—that alone isn't going to be enough to fix everything.

When it comes to dealing with addicts, you really have to walk a fine line. You need to be blunt and uncompromising—sometimes even harsh—because you have to hold them to a standard. You can't coddle the behavior. But at the exact same time, you have to be incredibly gentle. You have to be that steady source of support, providing the love, attention, and most importantly, the patience they need to actually make a change. It’s a delicate balance of being tough on the problem but soft on the person. Empathy and understanding. 🙂Look, you really need to talk to him. Don't let him just shut down and retreat into his shell—that's how things get worse. You have to be direct with him and lay it all out on the table. Give him an ultimatum if you have to, but make sure he knows exactly where things stand. I'm here, but let's be clear: I expect you to bring your A-game too.
Well, look... besides the usual suspects like the industry experts, local government officials, or even just family influences, you really need a shift in the broader environment to see any real change. Cutting ties completely with your old social circle—basically, ripping out every single connection to your former life.

Good luck. 🙂

wiredharbor22 said:That’s exactly what I want—to only have memories left of them. 😉

Thank you!

Actually, Endymion has me worried now. He usually knows exactly what he's talking about. :/

Of course he knows what he's talking about, obviously. He's no amateur! 🙂

Look, the first step is seeing your primary care physician to get a referral. You take that to places like a Mayo Clinic or a Cleveland Clinic—they have their own dedicated aesthetic surgery departments. There's always a chance they can come up with a "diagnosis," which might let you get some corrections covered through your insurance. I'll keep digging; hopefully, I can find the name of a solid 😉

wiredharbor22 said:That is kind of you. Once I know the costs and potential risks, I could weigh my options better. Looking at it again (this right one feels worse), I just hate it. Still, I'd rather spend a significant amount of money on a beautiful trip that stays with me forever, than on these little aches...

well, they’ll leave a lasting impression too, I suppose.🤣

Alright, honey, just let me know. There's always a way to fix things 🙂 (or so my girlfriend tells me when I start acting like a total idiot 🤣).

wiredharbor22 said:Which ones?

The reality is I just don't have the funds for something like this, so I'd have to save up. My father would probably send me... somewhere if I brought this up to him. I'm also wondering if health insurance might cover it? My friends are debating how things like ear surgery or breast reduction can be covered by insurance. I'd imagine this falls into that same category...

I honestly wouldn't know. It's likely pretty expensive, though saving up for an "essential" isn't exactly a huge struggle 😁....(okay, fine, I'm joking).

I think the first logical step would be seeing an orthopedic specialist. If you want, I can look into specific options regarding the TMJ and let you know (I only know one top-tier pediatric orthopedist, though). They should be able to point you in the right direction for next steps.

wiredharbor22 said:There is no way I could ever love this. And calling it a "quirk" feels wrong because I always associate it with this struggle. :/

I'm not sure where else to turn. I wanted to ask here, since there are people who actually understand...

What kind of issues? Could you explain that to me?

They are. When I mentioned it to my boyfriend a while ago, he said they weren't, but that's just what people say to comfort you. I noticed him looking at them much more often after that. Perhaps I shouldn't have brought it up...

I said the same thing to my sister, but she didn't take me seriously at all. She just thinks I'm being funny.

I’m not telling you that you have to love it—I completely get where you're coming from... I have something myself that I want to get rid of so badly, but I can hide it pretty easily 🙂...it just weighs on me too much😬

I honestly don't know where else to turn. I wanted to check here since there are people who actually understand what this is like.

Have you thought about checking out one of the specialized clinics?

placidjackal36 said:No, cutting them off would be a total disaster. She’d struggle just to walk, let alone STAND...

Just get real about it. Are they really that hideous? To some people, they might actually look fine.

It doesn't necessarily mean amputation; maybe some kind of reconstruction 😉

stormyheron4 said:Oh man, what an absolutely brutal thread title 😲 Look, you can't view things that way. Have some self-respect. Just because you think your toes look a certain way doesn't mean they actually are that ugly. I honestly think you're letting this weigh you down unnecessarily, and you should probably focus on working on that mindset instead of trying to fix your feet. I know a woman who has a pinky toe that sits almost right on top of her foot, and she rocks open-toed shoes and sandals all summer without a single complex about it.

If something is ugly, then it's ugly. And there's nothing wrong with saying: "No thanks, I don't want it, I don't like it!" 🙂

My sister was born with her fourth and fifth toes fused together—it’s purely genetic, since my dad had the same thing happening with his fingers—plus she had this extra growth that basically functioned like a sixth toe.
She went through a series of surgeries back in the mid-90s at a hospital in Chicago, if I remember correctly. To be honest, the results weren't exactly perfect, and she really struggled with it for a long time, especially when it came to wearing closed-toe shoes during the summer, despite being an incredibly beautiful woman. As the years passed, though, she learned to accept it, and I think she’s even reached a point where she actually "loves" her little quirk, as she calls it 🙂.

Nowadays, with how advanced cosmetic surgery has become in cities like New York or LA, I imagine there are so many more options available than there were back then. If anyone is dealing with something similar, I'd definitely suggest seeking out some professional medical advice 🙂.

Jerry Martinez5 said:Only he knows the truth. Only he knew what kind of darkness was piling up inside him. I find it hard to buy the whole "hearing voices" thing—the idea that he was experiencing a severe psychotic break—because if that were actually the case, we probably would have seen signs much earlier. And I guess you can't just blame it on combat trauma either; plenty of veterans have been through hell without snapping like this.

If he were still alive, maybe experts could finally pin down a cause, though even then, I suspect they’d just end up arguing with different theories. As it stands, we’re all just left guessing.

I honestly can't wrap my head around what drives a person to take their own child's life. It's just incomprehensible. 😢

A total mental breakdown. There isn't any other way to explain it.

Joshua Carter97 said:I frequently find myself in a situation where people either absolutely adore me or can't stand my guts... which is perfectly fine in my personal life, but I'm struggling with how to handle it professionally. It’s honestly pretty disheartening to discover that there are several colleagues who would much rather I didn't work with them anymore. 😢

Honestly, what is there even to debate here?
Just keep things strictly professional—a polite "good morning" and that's the extent of it.
If nobody is actually giving you a hard time, why should you care?
Or are you actually starting to think they have a point?

When I’m spiraling into a depressive episode, I basically just lie there and refuse to budge. Usually, though, I’m a total workaholic who can't stay still.😁 It seems like we all tend to swing toward these extreme ends of the spectrum once life starts throwing everything at us at once.

ruggedtiger15 said:I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that it’s hereditary, and you can also get facial capillaries popping up if you don't handle alcohol very well.

I don't know, maybe. But for me, it's a completely different story. My issues are actually the result of using corticosteroid treatments. I've heard about cauterization—probably using lasers—but does anyone know if there's anything newer or more effective out there?

Does anyone else deal with broken capillaries on their face? I'm looking for some actual, effective ways to fix this issue once and for all.