Posts by Donna White50

Olivia Garcia7 said:I agree, it is a form of fixation. Beyond that, I dealt with a lot of mental strain—putting all that energy into a relationship only to have someone just toss it aside. That hit me hard.

I tried to make things work later on, but it just didn't click. Whether I was misreading people, looking too hard, or whatever, it always ended the same way: I’d decide to just stop reaching out and move on quickly.

Yeah, I was blind in that situation. Every time I made a decision for both of us or showed some maturity, she’d just snap at me.

No.

That has followed me my entire life. I don't know why. Maybe it's because of the snide comments from peers back in the day, who would openly or subtly gloat whenever I was lonely... Looking back now—and I couldn't admit this to myself before—I grew up surrounded by people who were occasionally happy about my isolation. It was probably their way of getting even, seeing someone like me working so hard on self-improvement while they always took the path of least resistance.

During that exact stretch of time, I lost a parent and my partner left my life. I basically lost my job, too (though I'm back at a solid career with a good salary now).

I didn't die from it all, but I'm not exactly bursting with joy either. I'm just apathetically getting through one day at a time.

I don't want to start an argument over this topic, but since you put it that way—tell me this: what about a bride who cheats on her husband with her maid of honor in the restroom during the wedding? That's clearly just people with normal hormones and a healthy libido. Are they candidates for a psychiatrist, the tabloids, or a role model for society?

Yeah...

So you dealt with some bullying growing up. What were your parents like? Did they encourage you to be yourself and build up your confidence, or were they super strict, leaving you constantly feeling like you had to prove yourself...
It sounds like you went through some massive trauma, and maybe you just haven't given yourself the chance to really process it, grieve, and move on. You're still carrying that loss around, and it makes sense that you're struggling to find purpose. Maybe those things your peers put you through eventually made you feel like giving up was easier than fighting...
Just sit with all that for a second. There’s no way you haven't met someone in the last six years who could have shaken things up for you a bit. If you won't let anyone impress you and you just lock yourself in that cage of depression, obsessing over what's gone, you aren't going to see any progress. You mentioned things aren't working out with other women—maybe it wasn't meant to be, sure, but what are you actually *doing* to find the right partner...?
Look, she might have brushed you off, but she wouldn't have done that if you weren't the type of guy she thought she could. You tried so hard to please her, and that drive usually stems from stuff happening in your childhood...

Also, you didn't mention if you're having issues with your sex life—how's your libido...? And what are you looking for in a woman? Is it just about sex, or is it more? If it isn't sex, then why isn't it working...?

Carl Rivera43 said:If a group of people defines the vibe of a room, what's left behind when they walk out and leave it empty?

How much do soundscapes and visuals actually shift the energy? And what about our own headspace—how much does our mood color how we see a room? Does sensory overload from the surroundings ever make it impossible to just focus?

Do you guys actually think about the spaces you hang out in? Are you more at home in big, airy rooms or cozy, tucked-away spots? How much do sudden, unexpected disruptions mess with the atmosphere of a place?

Anyway, I’m hoping this chat sparks some cool ideas about how space actually functions and moves.
Since the places we inhabit shape our memories, our moods, and even our ability to concentrate, it feels like we don't talk about this enough. Maybe that's exactly why we should.

I’ve always been into small cars that are quick and nimble, and honestly, I feel the same way about apartments. I love compactness and being practical—you know, having everything you need in a tiny package without breaking the bank. It’s just better for the soul when you can decorate it with those little personal touches that have actual character, so you can still feel "present" in a small space even when it's empty. I love it when every little detail feels original and holds a sweet memory, maybe with some soft pastel colors that aren't tacky, lots of light and air... basically, just like your heart—small and simple, but everything fits perfectly inside, and if you ever had to, you could pack it all up in a flash and take it with you. A place that gives you freedom and warmth and love all at once... like a safe little harbor...

It’s so interesting to me how specific details give a room its soul—like a certain sculpture, a chair, a painting, or even just a picture frame. They send messages, you know? They trigger emotions. Objects tell stories: "love me," "kiss me," "I'm happy," "I'm sad," or even "let's go on a trip." You get feelings of distance, warmth, coldness, or maybe even bitterness through color, shape, and texture. Even the mess on a table—scattered books, laundry, the smell of coffee... it all matters. Or that stiffness you get from dark, heavy hardcover books... and I can't help but wonder, who lived here before me? Were they sad, cheerful, happy, or in love? Then there are those tiny traces—maybe a smudge on the wall from someone swatting a bug with a newspaper, or a hole the contractor forgot to patch that makes the owner look either messy or just a free spirit. Maybe a splash of color left by a kid... how old is the place? Then there's looking out the window or the balcony door at the reflection of the city or a sunset...
I just can't stand those empty, boring, silent, depressing, industrial, cold spaces that don't tell any story or wake up any kind of emotion...

John Palmer9 said:If some younger guy actually felt this way, he'd probably need to see a therapist, I guess.

Hey, let's not be too quick to judge—it caught my eye too, but maybe since he's Grey, he just views relationships through an emotional lens? Like, sex isn't his main focus. Or, yeah, maybe there's a deeper issue with how he handles intimacy and emotions... if he wants to dive into that, he's got plenty of anonymous people here to vent to...

Olivia Garcia7 said:That's the issue. I know I messed up. I can chant that mantra all day long, but my entire being just won't believe it. It's like I'm stuck in a loop in time and can't break free... without getting into the details. Plenty of new patterns, paths, interests, and opportunities have come my way, but that one thing remains like a chronic wound. I'm just constantly playing a broken record. That's why the post is titled "how to break the hypnosis"...

Look, nobody's holding you hostage in the past except for you... it's just a matter of figuring out why. What's your usual vibe when it comes to women? Have you had the chance to meet anyone interesting since then? And if you have, why didn't it go anywhere?
If you held back, what was the excuse running through your mind? Was it fear of getting hurt, feeling like you weren't worthy of love, worrying about performance or how to approach them, or maybe just thinking you wouldn't fall for anyone ever again? Or maybe it's fear of messing up again, losing control in a relationship, or just being wary of women in general...
You mentioned you met back when things were pretty rough for both of you—do you deal with any mental health stuff, like depression, phobias, a pessimistic outlook, social anxiety, or maybe a fear of intimacy?
You really need to dig deep and figure out what actually happens inside when you think of her versus when you think of, say, some beautiful, attractive woman who catches your eye... Once you pinpoint those specific feelings, ask yourself *why* they hit you that way...
Everyone handles loss differently—some people lose a parent and feel like they've lost themselves along with them, or someone goes through a devastating heartbreak and just stays stuck there...

goldenheron6 said:The thing is, we’re both swinging between extremes. But I'm sure that’s not a coincidence—like, "oh, I'm the victim and she's the bully,"
as if people don't specifically pick out targets to mess with.

She talks trash too, plenty of it. If you heard half the nasty stuff she says about people, you'd probably pass out.😁

One time, a relative got pissed at me and I told her exactly what I thought to her face. Since then,
things have been awkward and she's basically cut me off completely.
Maybe I'm just too soft because I forgive things too easily, whereas she's the type to hold a grudge forever.
And honestly, my word hasn't always been the final say. I think the issue is that I don't know how to
stand my ground; I end up just going along with whatever someone else says.
It drives me crazy. But even if I do speak my mind, what have I got to lose?
If someone doesn't respect me and gets mad over nothing, why should I bother respecting them?

Let me tell you another story. A couple of friends and I went out for coffee and were taking pictures together.
Later, I posted them on Facebook, but realized there were too many, so I left
just one group shot of the three of us.
Then she has the nerve to snap at me, saying, "You should have asked us before deleting photos." Can you believe that?
On *my* Facebook profile, I'm supposed to ask permission to manage my own damn photos?
That's number one.
Number two, they didn't even reach out to me again. 🙂 Not to mention she chewed me out
over the phone just because of those pictures.

I’m just not feeling any empathy here. 😁
She treated me like garbage, so why should I care?
Now you're trying to tell me that *I'm* the selfish one.
Look, I don't wish her any ill will or anything, but I want her far away from me.
I think that’s my whole deal—whenever things get messy or a conflict starts,
I just hit the delete button on that person and move on. :-))

Look, honestly... people who just can't handle your perspective or take offense at what you think? They’re basically just signs that they don't belong in your life. Simple as that. For me, confidence comes from knowing I have every right to speak my mind—my needs, my feelings, all of it. I'm a human being, after all, and I should be able to express myself fully without holding back... especially since I've finally embraced exactly who I am. There's really no reason to be afraid of being yourself. Plus, when you're actually confident, you realize everyone else is on their own journey too. We're all different. So if you hit a wall with someone and you just can't connect? No hard feelings, just move on. There are plenty of people out there who will totally get you—and honestly, we usually already have a good amount of them in our lives anyway...

Look, you’re basically trying to subconsciously step into your abuser's shoes just because it feels like a way to stop being the victim... it gives you that sense of control, right? But honestly, playing the aggressor isn't exactly a winning move—those people aren't any happier than you are, they just deal with their own mess by lashing out and feeding off the chaos. You aren't built like that—you're a gentle soul, super sensitive—so to actually become an aggressor, you'd have to completely ignore who you really are and just fake this coldness... which means suppressing your feelings and living in direct opposition to yourself. Sure, acting tough might give you a little temporary boost of confidence in certain situations, but it won't last because it's just not you. I mean, I could probably play the tough guy if I had to, but I know it's just an act... personally, I'd much rather just have everyone around me be happy...

The real trick is learning how to shut down someone else's aggression—you know, just pushing back enough to make some breathing room so your own needs can actually surface and matter. You’ve gotta figure out who you really are and what you actually want... and those people who constanty nag you or try to block that process? Well, you either have to learn to tune them out or just cut ties entirely. On the flip side, you need to build your own little corner of the universe where you actually feel comfortable and accepted. I've been fighting this same battle for years, too... and trust me, if you spend your whole life just struggling against everything, you end up becoming someone you aren't. It's not worth it—it honestly just makes things worse. Just embrace the fact that you're a gentle, sensitive soul who needs peace, love, real friendship, and some honesty to be happy... then just start steering your life toward that...😉

You’re being naive mostly because your whole outlook on love is just... off. Love isn't some magic dust that holds everything together—it's actually the byproduct of a healthy relationship. If the foundation is trash, love isn't even going to take root. You didn't actually love her; you were just obsessed with her unpredictable personality and those little outbursts—which were "interesting" only because you couldn't wrap your head around them, so you pushed yourself way too hard to figure her out. You convinced yourself it was this grand romance just so you wouldn't have to face reality. I mean, if there wasn't "love," why would anyone pull those kinds of stunts for two years for some random girl? We just lie to ourselves to give our actions some kind of deeper meaning... otherwise, we'd have to admit we were just being foolish, pathetic, and clueless... It's like watching a magician—you know damn well the coin is tucked up his sleeve, but you still desperately want to believe your eyes when it vanishes from his hand... She basically lured you out into the desert while you were parched, used you, and played you... and you actually believed the water was only in her glass, even though you've crossed entire rivers for it...

You should've moved on ages ago, and honestly, you probably would have if you'd let someone better into your life—but you wouldn't, because you're terrified of getting hurt again. Your ego is bruised and it's just not ready to take the hit. Until you realize you totally screwed up—and look, everyone messes up once—but if you don't learn something from it, you're never moving forward. I had one exactly like that myself, and I still think about her today... part of me wishes I'd spent less time believing her and more time just having fun... call it a life lesson, I guess...

goldenheron6 said:Thanks for the advice 🙂

That sounds like the dream.

Back when I was working for my first mentor, instead of actually teaching me anything, she’d constantly send me out to grab
specific snacks for her, or different drinks, and I had to hit up three or four different stores like Whole Foods or Target
just to find the exact brand and product she wanted. When it was freezing outside in the winter, she wouldn't even
bother turning on the heater in the office. I’d be shivering, and she’d just tell me to "go walk down the hallway."
And honestly, that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Basically, what you said is spot on. These people are just frustrated and need a "pushover" to
dump their crap on. And this woman really has issues. I honestly think she might have a personality disorder.
It didn't stop there either; once I moved to a different department, she caught me
walking into my own office and told me
to go buy her something again. It was endless. Of course, being an idiot, I
actually went and did it, instead of just saying, "Sorry, I can't, I've got other stuff to do."
Not to mention, while I was under her, she’d insult me and try to
stop me from hanging out with anyone else at work except her.
I’d be out on the patio with the crew and she’d show up and bark, "Get inside!"
Totally bossy, acting like she owned the place.

Here’s another one of my "worst-case" scenarios.
Someone who barely knows me asks for a huge sum of money, and when I respond
with "I can't" or "I don't have it," suddenly I'm the cheapskate.😁

Since you're a woman working in a female-dominated environment, you really have to watch your back. Women can be incredibly mean and manipulative sometimes. And bosses in general? They tend to be ego-driven, selfish, and narcissistic—they do whatever they want without a second thought for anyone else's needs. Most bosses act this way because if they were actually polite and considerate, they wouldn't make it; someone more ruthless would just swoop in and take their spot. It's just how the corporate ladder works...
Just focus on learning how to set boundaries. Don't beat yourself up over the past or feel bad about old mistakes. Every day is a fresh start, so just practice standing up for yourself. You're going to mess up sometimes, and that's okay. At the end of the day, look back and reflect on your actions. Think about how much better it feels when you say "no" because you truly mean it, compared to that feeling of regret when you say "yes" against your will—like when you went to grab coffee or a sandwich for someone who isn't even a friend, let alone a boss, and who basically treats you like dirt... That comparison alone will give you the confidence to stay true to yourself. Don't expect miracles right away, and don't be too hard on yourself if you don't nail it every single time. Every failure is just a step toward getting it right. Just stay persistent and make it your daily mission—really think about what you want and feel, and then decide whether to say yes or no based on that...👍

goldenheron6 said:Hey there.

So, I’m 26, and I feel like I should have my life together by now—you know, have a solid personality and actually know what I want out of things.
The problem is, I just can't bring myself to say "no" or shut someone down when they're being disrespectful.
It’s especially bad whenever I’m trying to fit into a new crowd, like starting a new job.
I’ve had two jobs so far, and both times I ended up dealing with some total jerk. At the first one, my boss was constantly barking orders and insulting me; at the second, she was straight-up gaslighting me. I still haven't figured out how to stand up for myself and tell them off to their face. Instead, a coworker had to step in and handle it for me, which finally got them to back off. I guess I’m just too soft and sensitive. I’m always worried about offending people, plus I really hate being the center of attention.

I don't deal with that older coworker anymore since I got transferred to a different
department, but get this—just a few days after the move, she shows up at my desk asking me to buy her stuff...
And of course, I couldn't even find the words to say "no" or even "I can't."
I just let people walk all over me and boss me around.

Now I'm wondering why I totally freeze up whenever I need to snap back at someone who's poking at me. My life is actually great—I live with my parents in a beautiful house, and since I'm an only child, I definitely got spoiled a bit. Everything is perfect on the home front.
But back in high school, I dealt with a lot of psychological bullying. Can that kind of stuff mess with you later on?

Of course bullying leaves massive scars on your personality.
When you're facing bullies, your instinct is probably to retreat—you adopt this pattern where you feel like you can't take them on, so it's better to just cover your ears and hide in a corner, hoping that if you stay invisible, they won't notice you. Or, if you *do* catch their eye, you realize that if you just stay quiet and don't give them any reason to act out, they might eventually leave you alone. So you're caught between two bad options: fight or flight. You chose flight. You flee from awkward situations, you flee from the boss, you flee from the spotlight, you flee from anything uncomfortable...

Basically, you're terrified of conflict. You learned early on that conflict brings a huge wave of negative emotions—anger, rage, fear, humiliation—and since you used to withdraw, you never really learned how to process those feelings. It feels like you're walking on thin ice whenever you try to stand up for yourself, like you're going to be hit by all that negativity and end up losing the battle anyway (losing your job, losing a friend, etc.). So you just tremble inside, and the first thing that slips out of your mouth is "Yes, ma'am," or "Yes, boss," or "Yes, Mom"...
Which is even worse if the boss is a bully, because your submissive behavior is like fuel to their fire. They have their own issues—maybe their boss is a jerk, their spouse irritates them, or the kids are driving them crazy—and since they didn't learn to handle it like you did, they look for people to dump their aggression on, just like those bullies in high school. You're the perfect target for someone like that. They feel so relieved after taking it out on you, passing their bad vibes onto you. They feel great acting like the big boss while you're just swallowing everything until you eventually snap...

It sounds weird, but if you could just realize that the world won't end when you say "no"—that you won't get fired, or lose a friend, or die just because things got a little tense—and that conflict is just a normal part of life, you'd solve so many of your problems. You'd finally give yourself space to have your own needs and desires, you'd express those tough emotions, and your boss would eventually see you're a tough nut to crack and go find a new victim... you'd work with much less stress and actually get the respect you deserve.

So, how do you actually pull this off...
You just have to make a rock-solid decision to say "no" whenever you feel it—just let the chips fall where they may. You gotta realize that saying no actually gives you way more than what it feels like you're losing in the moment. Try giving yourself just a few seconds of breathing room before that automatic "yes" slips out, then just shut it down with a firm no. And if it doesn't come naturally? Well, kill it right after. Just speak up immediately. Don't be scared of a little friction, either. If someone gets aggressive, just hit them with a "sorry, I can't," "I don't have the time," "I'm swamped right now," or "I'm actually in the middle of something." Or even, "I'll call you back," "I think John might have more free time," or "I'm running behind on my own stuff and can't fit this into my schedule since I'm totally slammed." Honestly, you can even just ignore it. If someone's trying to provoke you, just say "can't do it," "no time," or just a simple "okay" while acting like you didn't even hear the drama. Usually, just ignoring them with a word or two without getting sucked into a whole debate is the best way to shut down those bullies. They're just looking for a fight or to mess with you, so if you shut them down like that, they've got nothing left to say...
You really have to learn that saying no is a skill you practice. You might even have to force yourself into a confrontation if someone is taking advantage of you or if things are heading in a direction that totally clashes with your vibes and emotions. The more effort you put into mastering this, the faster you'll find your footing and get stronger. A lot of people seem to have way more backbone than you because they basically grew up with a blueprint where saying no isn't even an issue—they don't carry all that negative guilt around with them, so everything just seems to go way smoother for them...

steelcrane5 said:I was sitting around the other day and this question popped into my head—it might sound a bit silly, honestly. I was thinking about how I have quite a few attractive cousins in my family, and obviously, there isn't even a flicker of attraction there, which got me wondering... what is it that actually stops us from seeing relatives in that way? Is there some sort of built-in mechanism in our brains that just shuts down any kind of sexual thought when we look at a family member? Like, why is it fundamentally impossible for me to imagine being with a cousin?

I hope you guys get where I'm coming from, I really don't mean anything bad by asking! 🙂

Honestly, you'd probably go after your own mother, let alone a hot cousin, if:
A) Incest wasn't such a massive social taboo
B) Your parents hadn't raised you to believe that feeling sexual attraction toward family is totally off-limits
C) Society and your folks hadn't drilled it into your head that you don't mess around with kin

A lot of guys deal with an Oedipus complex because of that initial bond and attraction to their moms—our first real sexual fantasies and projections are often aimed at family members. Incest is way more common than people care to admit, but in a functional American household, kids are taught to just ignore, suppress, or push those thoughts aside...

Think about it—if you were stranded on a deserted island with just your sister or your mom, you'd see how fast things could get messy and lead to some pretty messed up offspring. It's all about pheromones and instinct; drive goes wherever it's easiest to steer it. You wouldn't hike to the top of a hill just to pee if there's a bush right next to the road, right? Humans are basically animals, and animals just mate whenever they get the chance...

Betty Morgan5 said:Hey there,

I guess I should start by listing all the good stuff in my life, because looking back, I don't really have any childhood traumas—not that I can recall, anyway—and my family is just wonderful, we all get along so well, they’re incredibly supportive, and honestly, I love spending time with them. In school and now at college, I’ve always been a top student, and socially, I’m pretty much the life of the party, I have tons of friends, though obviously just a few real ones who actually know the true me, and I think people enjoy being around me because I’m funny and easygoing, just an open book... and I’m truly grateful for all of that.
But even with all this perfection on paper, there’s this constant, restless agitation inside me that’s been there for years, and even right now, I feel like I could burst into tears for absolutely no reason at all. I wanted to write out a lot about my life here, hoping maybe someone could try to help or at least give me some perspective, because right now, I’m stuck seeing everything through my own narrow lens.

I’m 22, currently a college student.
I am brutally self-critical, like, pathologically so, and I’ve never actually felt proud of myself regardless of what I achieve. Last year, I was actually the top performer in my major, but I didn't even feel like I accomplished anything... I just feel like there’s always room for improvement, and it’s only in the last year that I’ve even tried to appreciate the present moment and realize that things can always go downhill. I’m never satisfied, especially not with how I look, and I honestly think I try to bury my insecurities about my appearance under layers of academic success.
I’m about 20 or 30 pounds overweight, which isn't a massive deal in the grand scheme of things since I'm within a "normal" range—you know, the kind of thing a lifestyle magazine might comment on—and I know if I just watched what I ate, my confidence would probably catch up with me, even though my self-esteem is currently hitting rock bottom, despite how well I hide it... but I’ve been cycling through diets for years, and once I finally hit a weight where I actually liked myself, I spiraled into so much stress and dissatisfaction that I just gained it all back.
I think, deep down, I’m using food to numb certain feelings, like the fact that I’m still really unsure about my orientation, or just the general sense of insecurity I carry about almost everything in life.

Because of this endless struggle with my weight, I’ve ended up missing out on so much—hanging out with friends, going out on the town, traveling... There’s always this nagging voice in my head telling me that if I don't look a certain way, I don't deserve to be happy, so I’ll get all dressed up for a night out, look in the mirror, feel disgusted with myself, and just cancel everything. It tells me nobody will ever want me, so why bother? That’s why I’ve never been in a relationship; I’ve had guys flirt with me, sure, but I always shut it down before anything develops because I just feel like I don't deserve it.
I don't even know the real reason why I do this to myself, but I’ve missed out on so many beautiful experiences and ended up feeling so isolated. And now, there’s this guy I actually like, mostly because he’s the complete opposite of me—he’s always smiling and just radiates this positive energy, though I have no idea if he even notices me yet, nothing has happened.
So now I’m just lying here in bed, laptop resting on me, staring at my legs and thinking about how terrible I look, and thinking about how I probably wouldn't be able to handle intimacy with anyone because I'm so unhappy with myself... I constantly feel like it’s better for people not to start a relationship with me, because as long as I’m like this, I’ll just end up bringing them down.

It drives me absolutely insane—internally, of course—when someone says something like, "Oh, you've filled out a bit," and I've dealt with those snide comments from random drunks at a bar and even from close relatives, and then even when someone tells me I look beautiful, I somehow convince myself there’s a hidden insult in it. I can take almost any sentence someone says and somehow link it back to my weight.
I have this toxic loop running in my head, and I know I have to break it, but I am just so exhausted from the dieting, the constant dissatisfaction, the loneliness, the endless responsibilities, the exams... I'm just tired of searching for that one thing that will finally make me feel at peace.
I was crying again tonight because I'm just so unhappy with myself, and now I can't even concentrate on studying for my exam; I've been biting my nails raw from the nerves, it’s just too much... something is eating me alive from the inside, and I just don't feel truly happy, and I really want to be, because isn't that supposed to be the whole point of living!?

Please, give me some advice, or just tell me how you see things.
I’m sorry if my problems seem small compared to what some of you might be going through, but this has been weighing on me for so long that I just had to see what would happen if I shared it here.

Thanks in advance! 🙂

Those "extra" pounds you say you have? They aren't actually the problem... they're just how you're compensating. You're projecting this negative self-image onto your physical appearance—thinking that being overweight means you don't deserve happiness, or pleasure, or for things to get better in life.
Even if you hit your goal weight—which isn't even that hard, just a few months of dieting—you probably wouldn't feel any better. Honestly, it might be easier to stay a little curvy just so you have a reason to feel bad... We all have this tendency to spiral like that, looking for external proof of our internal insecurities, whether it’s through how we look or how we act (like telling ourselves "I don't deserve to go out," "I don't deserve a relationship," or "I don't deserve success").
But you also have this drive to prove yourself because of those deep-seated insecurities, except you only focus on things you can totally control—like perfectionism, crushing it at college, or keeping up appearances with friends...
The second anything slips out of your absolute control—like going out, being in a new environment, meeting strangers, or even dating a guy—you just totally freak out and all those negative emotions come crashing down like an avalanche...

It feels like you haven't actually built real self-confidence yet; you've just built a way to compensate for its absence. It's like you're on a scale—on one side, you've got this pile of self-doubt and negativity, and on the other, you're trying to balance it out with personal achievements, intelligence, and social life...
As soon as that balance shifts, your whole world feels like it's falling apart...
If you actually had genuine confidence, you wouldn't give a damn about ten extra pounds, what people think of you, or what your parents think. You'd tell anyone exactly what's on your mind without worrying about being judged. You'd go out and socialize because you actually want to have fun, and you'd date someone because you want to express your feelings and your sexuality with someone who's actually attractive, fun, and catches your eye...

So, just really think about whether what I'm saying rings true. Real confidence comes from doing the inner work. From what I can tell, you have a pretty decent life, so you shouldn't be struggling this much...

Frank Thomas92 said:Do you know why I don't think it was a mistake?
I truly believe she finally understands what real values look like now. It’s a complete departure from her parents, who honestly never quite grasped them. Don't you agree?
And now, she—the one who really ought to know better than anyone else—where on earth could she be?
If she were to have a baby right now—nine months from today—what would that child eventually say about her? It’s a heavy question, isn't it? I can't help but sit here and wonder what kind of legacy one builds in such a short span of time. When you look at the profound impact a parent has on a developing soul, you realize that a child doesn't just see who you are today; they inherit the essence of everything you've worked for. If this happened today, that child would grow up looking back at her life and describing someone who was perhaps still finding her footing, yet deeply committed to the journey ahead. It makes me think of how we all strive to leave something meaningful behind, even when the timeline feels incredibly compressed.
She knows deep down that things aren't right. She can feel that something is fundamentally broken, and frankly, she wants better. It’s about more than just her own life, too—she wants to build a future that actually means something for her child.
I honestly believe people are far too judgmental when it comes to evaluating parents. If you ask me, there are significantly fewer functional families out there than there are functional individuals. I’d go as far as to say that a "factory error" in the form of a parent is almost a statistical certainty within the entire production cycle of society—it's practically baked into the process. As for those who grow up without any family structure at all? Well, that’s an entirely different category altogether.
I’ve been following your posts, and I have to say, you strike me as someone who holds everyone—including your own parents—to an incredibly punishing standard. You seem so intensely uncompromising that I suspect you wouldn't even be able to stomach the messy, imperfect reality of raising a child. If I’m reading you correctly, it feels like you've made the choice to stay childless simply because you couldn't bear to deal with the lack of perfection.
Rigidity is a trap, plain and simple. Life is far too unpredictable and chaotic to be governed by such stubbornness, and if we’re being honest with ourselves, most of us aren't nearly as resilient as we like to pretend. We're all a bit more fragile than we care to admit.
Honestly, you just have to learn how to live with that kind of weakness. It’s one of those things you can't just wish away; you just have to adapt and find a way to manage around it.
Look, if I have to completely blow off my entire degree—toss aside a profession I have absolutely zero interest in pursuing—just to stay behind and retake a single exam... then so be it. Honestly, I wouldn't be the first person to do it, and I certainly won't be the last.
We all know someone who’s stuck in that perpetual state of "almost." You know the type—they’ve got one final exam left to pass, or maybe they just need to turn in that last thesis paper, yet somehow, years go by and they never actually cross the finish line. It’s a common phenomenon in our academic circles. But honestly, if you look closely, the way people handle that limbo varies wildly. Some of them seem perfectly content, living their lives without ever needing that piece of paper, almost as if they’ve found a strange kind of freedom in it. Others, however, carry it like a heavy weight, haunted by the thought of what they never finished. It really is a fascinating divide in how we perceive unfinished business.
There is simply no such thing as a perfect human being among us. We all walk this earth carrying our own set of flaws, whether they are minor slip-ups or significant mistakes, but honestly? That is exactly what defines us. It’s those imperfections that make us who we are.
First, you have to find a way to accept yourself—truly accept who you are. Once that foundation is set, then, and only then, can you begin to look at the people around you for what they actually are, without any distortion. Only after those two things are settled can you start to figure out what needs to be done, where to go, and how to navigate the path ahead. It’s all about that initial internal clarity.
That’s essentially how I see things. From my perspective—looking at both the family I was raised in and the one I’ve built myself—it all feels a bit surreal. Sometimes it borders on the grotesque, and other times it looks like something pulled straight out of a sugary cereal commercial. It’s especially jarring to see how parents are portrayed: these massive, towering figures reduced to helpless little ants, rendered completely insignificant to everyone else in the world, except, of course, to themselves.
You eventually come to realize that they’re all just clawing for survival, trying their absolute best not to trip over their own feet. They know they’re walking on eggshells, fully aware that at some point, someone is inevitably going to slip up. It’s this exhausting, endless cycle: one generation of people who were crushed by the system goes on to become parents, only to end up raising a generation of self-absorbed individuals. Then, those selfish kids grow up to produce another generation of the downtrodden, who will just turn around and raise more narcissists... it just keeps spinning in circles.
I once had this elderly aunt of mine who was just consumed by jealousy toward us kids. It didn't stop there, either—as we grew up, she became just as resentful of our own children. Every single time our parents would show us even a shred of affection or concern, she would immediately launch into this tragic monologue about her own miserable existence. She’d go on and on about how they had nothing, how nobody ever checked in on them, and how they were nothing more than a burden to everyone around them. It was such a pattern. I remember when it finally became our turn to be the ones in charge, making sure everything was perfect with our organic snacks and high-end car seats, while she... well, her upbringing was a different story entirely. When she was little, they used to just toss her in the back of a pickup truck filled with corn, making her spend the whole day picking crops under the sun. She wouldn't even get fed until she was told she could eat. She’d sit there crying, wailing about her aching joints and how hard life had been. Her brothers and sisters went through similar struggles, though they certainly found different ways to navigate their hardships. But honestly, if you look closely enough at anyone, you can find a flaw. There comes a point in life where you aren't just a child anymore; you become an opportunity for others to project their own narratives onto.

Basically, I can agree with you on the second half of your post, but I totally disagree with the first part...
Take my example: I have a sister, we grew up in the same house, but I turned out to be a completely different person. You could say we're polar opposites. As my therapist would put it, in dysfunctional families—which are super common, let's face it—kids usually take one of two paths: either they become extremely "good," people-pleasers who focus entirely on others (though that's easily corrected later)... or they become aggressive, spoiled, and purely self-centered, lacking the flexibility needed to actually change and work on themselves..
Speaking from experience, you really need some time to pass—I’d even say you have to let go of that parental influence on a kid—just to be absolutely sure there isn't something fundamentally broken within the family dynamic. Then, you need enough life experience under your belt to compare your situation to others, which helps you figure out what's actually off. Trust me, that’s a super hard thing for an adolescent to wrap their head around... After that comes the most vital part: changing who you are and discovering your true self. It takes years of work because you aren't starting from scratch; you've got all this internal junk acting like weights pulling you back...

So, bottom line—unfortunately, not everyone is aware of their own flaws, and even fewer people actually know what "good" or "better" looks like, let alone how to actually get there...
That’s why you run into people who just can't make the leap. The author seems to be struggling here, kind of thrashing around without seeing a way out. I'd call that a level of spiritual enlightenment that one just has to reach...

As for my take on parenting, look, I carry a lot of negativity regarding this stuff from my own family. Plus, there’s the personality trait my wife and I share—we never truly craved having kids or being "parental," and then you've got the weight of responsibility, the lack of free time, housing issues, and all that... There are so many variables at play. I always say that if I had wanted kids badly enough, I would've had them—it just turns out I don't actually want them...

Frank Thomas92 said:I stumbled upon this thread through the active topics list, so please bear with me if my vocabulary isn't quite up to par with the technicality of this PDF.
As I read through these sections regarding "distorted values," a thought occurs to me—aha, just your typical average American family. A household where parents struggle through much harder times, only to reserve a better life for their children. Children who don't possess even a fraction of the experiences their parents endured, yet they hold the privilege of measuring everything by their own standards from a safe distance. They have this luxury because their parents sacrificed what little they had during their youth just to provide it.
But then again, that isn't really your problem; it’s just an explanation for why there is such a disconnect.
It is also an escape from responsibility.
When you actually attempt to do something, there is a massive chance you will fail.
And you will find that you are the one to blame.
In today's hyper-individualistic society, taking ownership is considered a duty, an obligation, a privilege, and an ideal.
However, not everyone is operating at that level.
Generally speaking, people find it much easier not to think too deeply. So, even though people living two hundred years ago survived without automatic doors, escalators, life insurance, or central heating... the vast majority lived relatively regulated lives. They knew from the start what they were going to do, they knew relatively early on who they would marry, and they had as many children as God saw fit.
Your current situation isn't the result of "distorted values" within your family. Every single family is distorted. Even those perfect families having Sunday dinner in the suburbs. Every single one.
Your situation is simply the result of loneliness, freedom, and an unwillingness to deal with them.
Everything seems fine as long as you are doing what is expected of you—passing exams, showing up to school—but once it is time to show your true face, to reveal what *you* actually want and transition into adulthood... that is when that one single exam remains unpassed.
You have lived for a very long time inside your own bubble, and inside that bubble, there is no one left to challenge the child within you (though we all need to maintain that inner child). You have silenced the voices that used to push back against you with alcohol and Xanax.
You have to learn how to hear them again.
And that requires making a decision.
Which is exactly what you are so, so afraid of.
If you decide to truly live, you will have to jump into the deep end without a life jacket.
If you don't, well, the liver has its limits, and its lifespan is inversely proportional to how much you overtax its capacity.
You need support, whether it's over the phone or any other kind—just like anyone else struggling with addiction.
Within the family, well, I don't know... it feels to me like your mother is already reaching her breaking point, and you can't really expect anything from your father. In that case, try doing it on your own (and if you can't, then do it with both of them—distribute the burden between them, regardless of what you expect from either one).
And finally—it all comes down to you. To your decision. Truly.
An unconscious or dead person is much harder to carry than someone who is awake and aware. Everyone else can play a bigger or smaller role in helping you recover, but you alone hold the deciding vote.

That bolded part is totally wrong...
There's a massive difference between functional and dysfunctional families, just like there's a huge gap between kids who grew up with healthy self-esteem and those who didn't.
Growing up in a home with alcoholism is traumatic, period. Kids don't have the capacity to handle a dysfunctional parent, let alone step up and take over their role in the house. If they try to do that, it leaves deep scars on their psyche. Kids can't be held responsible for not knowing how to deal with domestic violence, addiction, or being belittled, nor can they be blamed for picking up the toxic patterns from their home. They just learn from what's available to them—that was their entire world...

To the author...
It honestly breaks my heart reading your post. Mostly because I know how much crap you had to deal with as a kid—stuff you never should have faced—and now, as a young woman who should be starting her own life after such a rough childhood, it feels like you haven't learned anything... you've just absorbed those bad habits without questioning them. Actually, it goes deeper than that—you seem so vulnerable and dependent that you turned to booze and pills just to escape a reality that hurts too much to face.
It's way easier to run through the exit door than to admit you're struggling and feel inadequate, unable to handle life. You have to grit your teeth and spend years working on yourself, relentlessly, to fix those dark patterns and the way you view yourself...

You're really hurting yourself here, and I hope you realize that—which is probably why you're even posting this.
Do whatever it takes to get clean and stay away from alcohol for the rest of your life if you have to. Grit your teeth and admit what's actually bothering you, what you're afraid of, and what parts of your life are for YOU versus what's just for OTHER PEOPLE.
Once you have that realization—which takes a lot of willpower and time—you'll finally be ready to do the work. As an addict, as someone disconnected from themselves and running from the truth, you aren't moving an inch... you've been spinning your wheels for years, and if I'm being honest, you're sinking deeper into the mud.
You're on your own, which makes things harder, but you've gotta pull together whatever strength you have left and start fixing this. No one is going to do it for you, and if things end badly—if you end up homeless, a junkie, or worse—nobody's really going to care, first or last...
I'm being a bit blunt, but I think you need to hear it... you're letting too much happen to you...

Jeffrey Mendoza4 said:Hi everyone.

To understand the situation, I should probably lead with a key fact—I’m gay. I’ve also been dealing with mental health issues for a few years now. It’s a mix of depression and anxiety, specifically phobias. To be more precise, large crowds trigger me. Being in high-density areas causes intense stress, which manifests physically—stomach issues, vomiting, weight loss (and I was already thin), and then slipping back into depression. It's a vicious cycle.

Last year, I met this amazing guy while visiting the coast (I’m originally from the Midwest). We hit it off immediately, so I started looking for work urgently. I found a job relatively quickly and moved out there to be with him. We started living together. Life with him is wonderful. Sure, we have the usual minor arguments or tensions, nothing out of the ordinary. Everyone goes through that.

Since my initial job didn't pay much, I kept applying elsewhere. Eventually, a larger corporation called me in. The salary was better, and everything seemed perfect.
I should mention that I had been working at an agency and was in therapy at the time, though I decided to stop on my own because I thought I’d overcome certain fears. I felt more communicative and open. Like a different person.

Then things went sideways. I quit the agency, moved to this new firm for a receptionist role, telling myself: just act like you did at the agency—be polite, smile, and you'll be fine. Simple, right?
But the residual stress from the old job combined with the pressure of the new one hit me hard. I dropped to 103 pounds. A literal skeleton. My doctor sent me straight to a psychiatrist, and they put me back on medication, which I am now taking strictly.

Because of all this, I had to resign from my current position, and I'm currently serving my notice period. I cry every single day. I cried today on my way to work. I tried hiding from my coworkers to weep, but they noticed. The tears just come. I’m crying because I love my boyfriend so much, and what have I done? I gambled away a stable job and a lower salary for the sake of a "better" career move.
It’s difficult because I know I’ll eventually have to head back home and leave him behind. I keep telling myself I'm pathetic, incompetent, and just a failure.

I blew it all... everything. I feel like a weakling who can't even lift a pencil. Mentally, I'm broken. I don't tell my family back home the details of how bad it actually is.

My boyfriend says I should stay with him; he has a steady job and earns a decent living. But I refuse to be a burden to anyone. I don't want to sit around the apartment all day while he works. It feels humiliating. He insists he won't let me go and that I stay. He understands because he’s dealt with similar mental health struggles. He suggested I take a month off after my notice period ends—just to recover physically and mentally. Then, start over slowly. He says he's with me and everything will be okay.

What should I do? Clearly, being a receptionist isn't for me; the panic attacks return whenever I'm around crowds. Even a simple trip to the grocery store is exhausting because of all the tourists.

I have a follow-up with my psychiatrist coming up, but what comes after that? People say everything happens for a reason. I just hope there's something better on the horizon, because this hell I'm living through is getting harder to endure.

Your fears are really just reflections of deep-seated insecurities and how you view yourself. You're holding onto this idea that you aren't capable or worthy enough to make solid decisions, or that people will hurt you because you're "weaker" than them, so you perceive everyone as a threat. You feel like you can't stand your ground, so you don't even try. When life knocks you down, you turn that anger inward and beat yourself up because you can't accept the fact that humans make mistakes, or that life is sometimes just unfair. Your boyfriend's support isn't helping you feel secure because you're stuck in a loop of self-criticism—a loop fueled by a million different fears that no amount of kind words, support, or hugs can ever truly break...

Look, you’ve got some serious soul-searching ahead of you—just give yourself some grace and time to breathe...
A new job will come along...
You’re a good person—smart, capable, and genuinely decent
Life is really just about stacking up experiences, even the messy ones...
The rough patches always pass, but please, don't let this slump kill your confidence...
Relationships aren't forever—just enjoy the love while it's there and cherish the moments...
Work on finding your voice. Fear of people is usually just fear of getting hurt. Once you start expressing yourself and standing up for what you need, people stop seeing you as someone they can push around or mock, and start seeing you as someone worth connecting with...
If people make you feel uncomfortable in any way, just cut them loose. You don't owe everyone your time—your job is actually to pick the people who bring good vibes into your life instead...
The weight of your sexuality is heavy, too. You know most people out there aren't exactly accepting of gay folks, and that’s a huge burden to carry. I get that it isn't easy... that's why you have to stay strong and not let their opinions mess with your head...

And hey, man, eat something. Go to the store, grab something sweet or hearty, put on a movie, read something cool, and just pig out for a bit...
Also, a little exercise wouldn't hurt. It makes you look better and honestly, it's a massive confidence booster. Work out at home, focus on yourself... find stuff that makes you feel positive...
Change your username, seriously. If you keep picking names like that, you're never gonna catch a break, trust me... I've been through way worse messes than this...

urbanraven69 said:Reading through this forum, I’ve started noticing these patterns in myself—bits of social anxiety, being super introverted, feeling totally emotionally drained, and just... a whole lot of other stuff.

I think back in the day, it was really just shyness—kind of like what silverhawk9 mentioned—and honestly, I actually crave hanging out with people, but this fear just keeps holding me back.
But, man, over time, I guess it just morphed into full-on introversion. Now? I don't even feel the urge to go out much. And whenever I do try to make an effort, it's like I'm dragging this invisible cloud of awkwardness behind me. It's almost like people can just sense that I'm "weird" or something. So, yeah, those attempts usually end up being pretty pathetic failures.

I'm not sure if anyone here has actually managed to move past this kind of thing, or something similar. Is it even possible to live life like this? Just closed off... sometimes I can't even figure myself out.
I get this feeling that my mental state is just completely unpredictable. One minute I'm fine, the next I'm swinging to the total opposite extreme. I never know what kind of day I'm gonna have, it's like I'm at the mercy of some other me living inside my head.

It sounds like you're dealing with classic social anxiety that's escalated into panic attacks because of built-up stress and pressure. You're basically building these massive fears in your own head, and your body is doing its best to fight them off. When those deeper mental struggles—like the panic attacks—hit, you retreat inward to shield yourself from stressful situations. Of course, you probably realize this creates a bit of a vicious cycle... where pulling away kills your confidence, which makes the fear even stronger, and you just keep sinking deeper whenever you try to interact with others.
Don't let the symptoms scare you too much; they're a normal response, and they'll pass once you start facing those fears and slowly working through them. For now, just try to breathe and relax. Your situation isn't "extreme," even if it’s really messing with your social life right now. It's gonna be okay.

What I really want to ask is, what kind of thoughts are running through your mind when you think about these fears, or about meeting up with people? Why does talking to others feel so negative? Do you feel like you're less worthy, or maybe not good enough, or too weak? Do you worry people will mock you, or that you won't be able to speak up for yourself, or that you won't be "fun" or interesting enough to keep people engaged? Try to dig a little deeper—what specifically is triggering that fear?

It’s actually pretty wild when you look at death and existence through the lens of modern science...
I won't get too bogged down in the weeds of quantum mechanics—since let's be honest, hardly anyone actually gets it—but it seems like our whole reality is basically just built on perception. Like, the life we think we know and feel through our senses? It might just be one big illusion, nothing more. The principle suggests that the state of any system depends entirely on the observer... the observer uses their interaction—their intelligence—to shape the system and give it form.
Basically, the world as we see it doesn't even exist outside of our own heads. Our consciousness is what allows it to "be." Scientists talk about this idea of a universal consciousness (which we could just call Bogey) and we're all just subsets of that massive energy that gives our existence its shape. They describe the universe as a kind of hologram that we project ourselves; it feels solid and real because it's part of our perception—kind of like a rainbow in the sky that looks totally real but is really just light playing tricks on us. One person sees green and red, while someone else might experience colors and shapes in a way that's completely different from ours. In that sense, I'd say our existence is indestructible... when we die, we aren't "gone," we're just changing form or shifting our perception. It doesn't matter if we end up as a pile of atoms or just blood and bone, the essence stays the same... What actually hurts—what feels like a true loss—is nothing more than our thoughts, our memories, and those little illusions we cling to...
I just felt the need to share this perspective on life and being here... Eastern religions talk about reincarnation, shifting energies, the illusion of life, rebirth, and how everything is part of one eternal, indestructible conscious energy... honestly, that spiritual take feels a lot closer to where modern science is heading lately...

Bradley Wood43 said:handymen, flooring experts, tilers, a top-tier restaurant, a great movie, some damn hotel, etc.

I don’t know what your experiences have been with recommendations, but in at least 80% of cases where I actually listened to someone else, I ended up getting screwed over... it makes me wonder, what is wrong with these people?

They just want to act like they're the ultimate authority because they "know things," they "have connections," or maybe they're a cinephile, a semi-pro 😁 sommelier, or whatever the hell else.

Take my last two examples... I had two different people recommend the exact same restaurant—let's call it "The Mediocre Bistro" if you're curious. I go there, and it’s mediocre at best. Actually, it might be worse than that. Then, because I can't let it go, I go online to read reviews, and people are absolutely tearing it apart. But noooooooo, "Go to The Mediocre Bistro, it's amazing, the food is great, the atmosphere is perfect," and all that nonsense.
😢

Second example... I'm renovating my apartment, and I talk to a friend who just finished some work at his place. He tells me, "Man, the crew that worked at my house was suuuuuuuuper. Fast, punctual, affordable, everything went perfectly..." And I, like an idiot, listen to him.
The job is already taking twice as long as originally quoted, the price has jumped by over 40% (not that I'm paying them that much), and they've botched half the work...

So, what's the deal with people? I get that tastes vary... that's a given. But if someone asks me for a good series and mentions they don't like Sci-Fi, I'm not going to suggest Battlestar Galactica...
If someone says they aren't into historical dramas, I'm not going to say, "You have to see it, trust me, Braveheart is a suuuuuuuuper film."

And so on.
As for contractors, don't give me that crap about how they did a flawless job for you while they completely trashed my place. 😵

The bottom line... screw recommendations. If I had just closed my eyes, opened the Yellow Pages 🤣 under "restaurants," and picked a random spot, I probably would have found somewhere better than The Mediocre Bistro. If I had done the same with construction companies, I would have found better ones too...

Those are just the two most recent examples... unfortunately, there are plenty more, but I don't feel like dwelling on it anymore. 😢

It's obviously that classic thing: "I want to look cool and show off how much I know and how many people I know," only to end up looking like a fool, and then feeling even more like a fool 😬 for actually following the recommendation...

Man, it's hard to wrap your head around the fact that recommendations have way less to do with quality or good prices and everything to do with hooking up friends, buddies, or relatives. Everyone is out there hustling for work and cash, so they trade favors—like, "hey, I landed Matt this gig, so you should hook me up with a discount from Frank for that stuff I need."
On top of that, when you're asking for a recommendation, you aren't looking to get ripped off, you want it done right, AND you want it cheap... well, that's a tough trifecta to hit. If you're a bit of a perfectionist, you're basically stuck with the high-end pros because they have the luxury of spending extra time making sure you're happy, which they'll definitely charge you for. Then you've got the cheap guys who are just doing side hustles to pay the bills, which usually means the work is just "good enough" until the real pros show up. So yeah, take recommendations with a huge grain of salt. Haggle on the price, demand penalties for every little mistake or delay, and be that demanding client who expects everything to be perfect. That kind of customer is their absolute worst nightmare, but they know if they don't do the job right, they won't see another dime...

Taylor Castillo88 said:Look, we all pretty much know what perception is and how much it shapes our intellect, so I won’t waste time trying to define the term itself. From a scientific standpoint, perception is essentially just the process where our brains organize the raw data coming in through our senses to create something meaningful.

In short, perception is absolutely vital because it dictates how we grasp the world around us and defines our subjective relationship with reality. Our own opinions and our overall worldview—if you want to call it that—are built through this perceptual process where the brain organizes and "interprets" input from the outside world. But here’s the intriguing part: to what extent is our brain actually perceiving objective reality? Just how accurate is the mental snapshot we take of the world? Recent studies suggest that our brains are incredibly easy to trick, largely because they rely on pre-existing models already hardwired into them.

The truth is, perception is constructed; it heavily relies on the frameworks and biases already established in our minds. Here’s a perfect example to prove the point: imagine walking into a room where the ceiling is 10 feet high at one end but slopes down to 6 feet at the other. If you place two people of the exact same height at opposite ends of that room, an observer looking in from a distance wouldn't even notice the slanted ceiling, right? Instead, they'd swear the person standing under the lower ceiling is much taller than the person under the higher one! Why does that happen? It's simple: our brains have a built-in model that ceilings are level, and since people aren't always the same height, the brain automatically constructs a distorted image to make sense of it.

That little scenario serves as a great metaphor for perception in general. The things we learned early on from our families and immediate surroundings, combined with everything we picked up through our education, have already built specific models in our heads. Because of this, when we encounter new phenomena or information, we rarely see them for what they truly are objectively; instead, we reconstruct them to fit the existing templates in our brains. This might be the real answer to why we are the way we are—why two people can look at the exact same event and see something completely different, or why we can never seem to agree on objective reality. We don't see the world as it is; we see it as we are.

That last line is basically the whole point of your post, and honestly, it’s one of those big truths most people aren't even aware of. The real power of awareness lies right there—realizing that we're pretty much limited in how we perceive everything around us, and even ourselves for that matter. That's why I think we should always be trying to think outside the box and soak up as much experience as possible, just to get a clearer, more objective view of what's going on inside and out. It reminds me of that old saying about how the more you learn, the more you realize you actually know nothing... it all goes back to the fact that everything is interconnected in ways our brains just aren't wired to fully grasp because of our own mental limits. To me, humans are just tiny little specks in this massive universe. Everything hitting us from the outside gets filtered through our past experiences and what we've learned along the way. This perception thing is especially tricky for people who didn't get much education or those who grew up dealing with a rough childhood or trauma. Their view of the world gets filtered through pain and suffering, which ends up dominating their lives. People like that struggle to see things positively or optimistically—they kind of stay stuck in their own personal version of hell. And don't even get me started on perceptions regarding religion, race, skin color, and stuff like that...
It's kind of a universal truth that nobody sees the color red the exact same way from the moment they're born. That richness of different cultures, perspectives, and viewpoints comes from that very difference—it's what fuels creativity and diversity, but it also opens the door to so many conflicts when we forget that being different is actually a valid, objective part of being human...🙂

shadowheron49 said:It's true that my perspective is pretty damn negative...
When I see massive crowds of people on TV, like in China, all I see is a swarm of bacteria and sickness spreading across the planet...
Walking through huge cities, all those buildings just remind me of some kind of fungal infection growing on the Earth's crust...
I know deep down it's not actually like that, but I can't shake the feeling that it's all just kind of pathological.
Even childbirth—having a baby pulled out of your gut with all that blood and horror, nine months of carrying a human inside you... to me, it looks unnatural and terrifying...
I'm attached to the people I love, so I see them differently...
But when I look at the big picture, stepping back to view the Earth from space... everything looks so ridiculous and meaningless...
And every single one of those little bacteria thinks they're so important... when they aren't important to anyone...
They're all rushing around for work... they can't see past their own noses... fighting, warring, killing, stealing, cheating, reproducing, and dying just like nothing...
When I look at the whole picture...

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I were just a little high so instead of fearing all this meaninglessness, I could just laugh at it all.

Well, I'm with you there—when you look at it from that angle, the whole thing does seem twisted. Like, if you look at it from Hitler's perspective, his attempt to exterminate the Jew was totally "logical" to him, whereas to everyone else, it's an absolutely revolting crime. So, it's all about perspective. I don't want to force another conclusion on you, but let's get philosophical for a sec... the world isn't inherently good or bad, life isn't good or bad, death isn't either... honestly, to the universe, none of it matters, even though we humans experience it so deeply. Maybe the real choice lies in our awareness—knowing what drives us forward versus what drags us down. A person should aim for the positive and stop stressing over stuff they can't control. Why worry about everyone else? Just build your own little corner of the universe with the people who make you feel good, and then the rest won't matter as much... plus, you'll end up giving more to others and they'll give back to you... in that kind of synergy, you actually make the world better. You aren't going to change the things you can't influence, so it's probably best to just accept things as they are...
You're being incredibly negative about everything, and it's honestly doing you a world of harm... you're just so weighed down by negative energy, and that's not a good way to live...😢

shadowheron49 said:unknown

I have...
I really have, because the sheer stress I go through during those "attacks" isn't healthy at all, and I'm genuinely worried it'll wreck my heart and my nerves...
But honestly, I'm not a fan of taking meds even when it's necessary...
I actually had to get anesthesia for the first time just a few months ago because I'm terrified of needles...
It's not like I'm crazy...
The thing is, I'm actually super aware of what's happening to me when it hits; I manage to keep everything under control except for those physical reflexes, and that involuntary fear response is just brutal on the heart—it's bad for my overall health since all that adrenaline spikes and I can't even use it, which leads to heart arrhythmias and, eventually, massive long-term stress damage.
Because deep down, I'm actually a pretty laid-back and chill person until these episodes start happening...
The only reason I'd seek help is because staying like this isn't healthy, but if a psychiatrist is going to help, they should be able to shift my mindset through insight rather than just drugging me...
But most of the time, it feels like my answers and questions end up changing everyone else's perspective instead of my own...
I would love to meet someone who could actually help me do that...
If I could just rewire my consciousness at the root, then these physical reflexes wouldn't be so intense or dangerous...
Because look... I am not depression itself... I'm just someone who is acutely aware of how senseless everything feels...
More than anything, I am desperately trying to shake this fear...
I would give anything just to finally be free from this reflexive terror..

Well, if you've been trying for years and nothing works, I think you really should talk to a psychiatrist if it's hitting your daily life this hard. Have you tried meditation? It's great for relaxing... maybe some herbal teas and stuff like that?
Look, it's not just about the fear of dying. You basically have a really, really rough outlook on life, and you've gotta shift that—which means doing some actual self-work. Antidepressants would kick in after a few weeks and help dial back the symptoms. This anxiety is absolutely trashed your system. For me, fear triggers stomach cramps, diarrhea, headaches, head pressure, zero motivation, no energy, mental blocks, bad moods, depressive thoughts, low self-esteem, even masochism... it's a terrible cocktail of feelings... nobody needs that in their life...

shadowheron49 said:It's probably something from childhood...
Maybe it was when I was four and saw a cat get hit by a train... I just stared at that mangled body... there wasn't even a head left to look at... it was so haunting that crying didn't even feel like it made sense, because it felt like the cat had just ceased to exist... ever since then, I've been scared of trains, but I also have these dreams where death itself is under a train... I used to have this recurring nightmare where a train ran over my mom... I was just a little girl, maybe 6 or 7...
I could handle it better today, even though that image is still pretty brutal, but back then I couldn't sleep for nights on end...

And don't even get me started on the days we went fishing; I’d just stare in horror watching the fish thrashing and fighting for its life, wishing someone would just toss it back into the water... I’d get so angry, feeling like I wanted to take the head off whoever caught it because they were hurting that poor thing so much with a cruel little hook...
Those kinds of thoughts just run through my mind...
It's horrifying...

So, yeah, that sounds like the core trauma that everything else was built on. That's heavy stuff for a kid—watching a pet you love just vanish right in front of you like that. If you didn't have a good way to process that back then, it’s no wonder it left such a mark.
Kids are so sensitive to things like that. For me, certain childhood stuff actually ended up affecting how I view sexuality later on... You really have to try to stay positive. Have you thought about talking to a therapist or something..?