Jerry Martinez5 said:ha, I totally missed the joke there 🤷
Rebecca Scott3, definitely let us know how it goes 😉
I guess I agree that a real friend would act the way you're planning. But honestly, my experience tells me it’s probably a waste of time. It’s never actually happened to me where someone was actually grateful because I stepped in 😢
....the joke.....hmm......like you're the friend I want to help....... .....okay....it's not much.... .... ...there's a huge chance this will just be for nothing... ...maybe she'll even get pissed off at me.......but......I really want to help her.... .....because if I can help, she'll be happier, and hanging out with her will be a lot more fun.... ....if she does get mad.....well.....lately she's been so moody and careless that I won't exactly miss dealing with her the way she is right now......maybe she just needs some space to figure things out.....
Joseph Peterson6 said:Come on, Rebecca Scott3, don't you see what's happening? Your friend, going by the handle Jerry Martinez5, is clearly trying to shut down any actual, constructive conversation about her life before it even gets started. 😁
...I didn't end up writing that letter after all... I decided it would be better to just talk things through with her directly... Letters can be brutally honest, sure, but they're one-sided. You don't get any back-and-forth, no real dialogue, and you definitely miss out on that vibe or atmosphere you can create when you're actually together to make things feel more comfortable...
...I haven't had the chance to sit down and chat with her about it yet... neither of us has really had the breathing room to just relax and let the conversation flow naturally... so, sending my best... .....plus, trying to tackle heavy stuff when you're rushed or feeling pressured isn't the way to go. It’s not a good way to start a conversation about these kinds of things either... She needs some space to unwind and realize that we're basically on the same team here, working together to figure out how to win over this guy she's interested in... .... You hit the nail on the head, Jerry Martinez5, people generally hate having their mistakes pointed out to them... ...We were basically raised to believe that making a mistake is a massive embarrassment—that people will mock you, gossip about you, or just start avoiding you altogether... and honestly, that mindset is where so many of our issues stem from... ....But then again, if you aren't making mistakes, you aren't learning anything... and you certainly aren't discovering or creating anything new... ....And it isn't enough to just tell someone what they did wrong... you have to walk through it with them... learn through it together... I'll give it a shot whenever the timing feels right and I can find a moment... I'll let you know how it goes...
Jerry Martinez5 said:Rebecca Scott3, what's the endgame here if you write her a letter or just tell her off?
What's the point, really? What do you actually gain? Is your friend even going to be grateful?
I guess people don't really make mistakes. They just do what they think is best. So they suffer, and suffer, and suffer. Instead of seeing the obvious, they just keep doing the exact same thing. In my experience, people hate being told they're wrong. Your friend is probably convinced she's 100% right. It’s not the guys, the world, or fate at fault.
You can only help someone if they actually ask for it. And even then, most people just want validation, not a lecture. 🤷
....I'm just not sure what the actual outcome will be..... ....I think she knows things aren't perfect.....she actually mentioned it......but she doesn't realize how deep the hole goes.....she thinks she just made a "minor" mistake..... ..... ...thinking about it now......I've always been the type who appreciates it when someone points out my flaws....especially if they show me how to fix them.......and obviously, you have to start with the positives first.......then you slowly work on tweaking the parts that aren't so great......
Maybe it works....maybe it doesn't.....it's a fifty-fifty shot, really.....not a bad gamble though.....I'll give it a shot..... ....if it works, I'll have a much happier friend in my life.....if it doesn't.....well....I might just need to create some distance.........
...I honestly think this whole letter thing is a solid move.......I’m going to sit down and write to her.......now I just need to figure out the best way to approach it... ...because every single time I've tried to actually talk things through with her, she just gets incredibly defensive....it's like, "no, that's not how it happened" or some other excuse... ...but look, she's clearly hooked, like totally head over heels at first sight....so why not? She's got the great paycheck and all those fancy titles too... .... ...complexes...yeah, they're a huge issue.....it's probably not going to be easy to get her to change much.....but...I'll give it a shot.....
I have this acquaintance who just hit fifty, and she’s going through her third divorce... and now she’s in this frantic rush to find her next husband because the idea of being alone absolutely terrifies her. After all these breakups, she’s become so incredibly insecure—it’s like a total complex. Twice they walked out on her, and once she was the one to leave him. Now, she’s basically on a mission to find someone with a bigger title and a higher salary than her exes, just to prove to herself that she can "do better." It’s like she’s trying to win a competition against her past relationships rather than actually looking for love or a genuine connection. Her approach with men is also pretty self-centered. She’s always talking about what *she* expects from them, acting like she's this ultimate femme fatale because she’s decent-looking and thinks she has endless options. She isn't anything groundbreaking, really—just looks fine and has her life together—but she carries herself like she's some prize that requires a specific set of credentials to win. It’s very much a "take it or leave it" vibe, which mostly just pushes people away. In the end, she just ends up with guys who use her for her money and bail, or guys who disappear after a couple of drinks at Starbucks.
So, how am I supposed to tell her that this cycle is self-destructive without hurting her feelings? I’ve tried to bring it up before, but she gets super defensive and shuts me down immediately. Part of me feels like I should just let her live her life since she’s an adult, but I know her too well. I see how much she’s struggling and how she just keeps spiraling from one crisis to the next. And if I suggest seeing a therapist? Forget it. She’s convinced she’s this "strong woman" who doesn't need help and just needs to "think positively" to fix everything.
...realization can truly change a person..... ...but honestly, how many adults actually experience that kind of epiphany during their lifetime? It’s rare.... ...it feels like most people just fall into two camps: the overachievers who never stop grinding, or those who just kind of coast through life without ever really picking up the lesson....
Having an opportunity doesn't turn someone into a thief. I mean, let's be real—we all have the chance to cheat or cut corners, but most people just don't. They choose not to. ...What is it, though? What actually drives people to spend their entire lives chasing a paycheck while stepping over everyone else to get it? ...It isn't even really about the cash itself; it’s this weird obsession with the race. It’s like those people who collect cheap napkins or old postage stamps, just for the sake of having them. ...They collect just to possess everything. Then they want to have more than the next guy. And then comes the paranoia—that nagging fear that someone might overtake you, leaving you no longer the one sitting on the biggest pile of stuff. ...Eventually, you stop being *you*. You just become a reflection of what you own and how much you've accumulated. The goal becomes having the absolute most. The most in your neighborhood, the most in your city, the most in the whole country, or even the whole world. ...You end up defining yourself as "the person who has" rather than "the person who doesn't." You basically strip away your soul and reduce your entire existence to a simple binary: have or have-not. Nothing else matters. That's all you are. ...Everything else in my life just ends up being a byproduct of that endless cycle of having and not having.
...I used to be kind of drawn to those guys who were a little shy—nothing crazy, just quiet, you know? But looking back, I’ve finally realized that more often than not, that "shyness" is just a mask for guys who are total egocentrics, emotionally immature, or just too self-sufficient for their own good...
...if I were just taking pills like that without any guidance...the way you're doing it....I’d be feeling pretty terrible and seeing things too...... ....you should really go see a doctor and tell them what's happening.....they'll have a much better idea of what's actually going on than the crowd of people on this forum...... ...I'm definitely no expert here....I'm just thinking out loud...
...So, I actually went looking for a psychiatrist to try and "fix" my sanity and somehow turn me into a lesbian... but nothing. No one will do it... and honestly? Not even a single guy would want me, even if I were at my absolute lowest point... I am being dead serious here...
I honestly feel like we need another 10 to 20 years of intensive care for both the parents and the doctor who let this happen... there’s a very clear reason for that. When you have parents capable of causing this much damage to their own child, they clearly aren't mentally stable. And as for the doctor? The one who facilitated everything and made this whole nightmare possible? It's obvious her mind is completely fractured. She absolutely needs to be institutionalized and treated before she can go out and hurt anyone else.
I’m sitting here reading this tonight and I honestly can't wrap my head around the fact that this was actually happening over in Europe... ...is this still a thing, or was it just some weird outlier? If you look closely at the text, it sounds like it's still going on...
...that feeling of total authority, like they can just wipe everything out...reorganize the whole system... ...it’s just the title itself...the idea that they're actually "doing" something...acting like supervisors... ...they've got a thousand people under them...kind of like having a massive crew of gravediggers at a cemetery...🙂 ....
...the most foolproof way to make sure people don't end up dying alone is... just not having kids in the first place....... ...the world is getting way too crowded anyway..... if you really want a companion, why not adopt? There are plenty of young people out there who need a home..... ...if your actual goal is just to have someone reliable by your side when things get tough... honestly, just get a dog.....
...kids aren't born to be your caregivers at the end of your life... or to handle your funeral...
....I’m honestly having a hard time pinning down what you're actually feeling right now......is it just pure fear and embarrassment? Or maybe it's more like that specific kind of dread and shame that comes when you're head over heels for someone, and you're terrified that anyone—even the person you're crushing on—might find out.
Karen Ortiz83 said:I really love everything she wrote—that’s why I felt the need to quote her. 😁
Most of the struggles that come with being a woman are manageable—except for the whole childbearing thing. Honestly, I’d love to have kids, but I’d rather skip the actual labor part. So, either you have to be a man, or someone needs to invent an artificial womb that handles those nine months outside of a woman's body...🙂
....pregnancy, giving birth, and caring for those little ones has been the absolute best part of my life.....I wouldn't trade any of it, even if an incubator existed... ....even though at the start of my pregnancy, the morning sickness was so bad I would actually pass out... ....that feeling of a second life growing inside you....the actual birth and breastfeeding....men miss out on that big time.....and so do women who don't have children...
I can see so much more clearly when I step back and just analyze things from this perspective... honestly, there isn't a single day in my life where I feel any need to be a man. ...I am completely content being a woman.
The only thing that really gets under my skin is how women are treated in this society... you know, the whole question of what our actual role is supposed to be. But maybe that’s a whole different conversation... or maybe it isn't.