Posts by boldnomad45

Carl Rivera43 said:What’s your take on jokes that lean into dark humor regarding sexual assault?

I saw an online comment recently that really painted a clear picture for me... let me quote it here...

Look, it’s one thing to joke about God, priests, actors, or even animals, but suddenly making jokes about women in the context of assault is way too much for all of you. We all know it’s a disgusting reality, and honestly, people who try to justify it deserve to be thrown under a bus, but can we dial back the overprotective attitude in a group that literally has "joke" in its name? end of quote

And where is this actually banned? In the stand-up specials I watch, there are no forbidden topics. Even female comedians are brutal on stage. There are no bans.

brighteagle39 said:I suppose one can learn to be funny to some extent, though in most cases, it seems to be something you’re simply born with. To my mind, a true sense of humor usually springs from a certain level of life optimism. I've often observed that pessimists or those struggling with depression tend to lack a sense of humor, or at least possess much less of it. Optimists have this way of looking at life's hurdles through a brighter lens, which allows them to find the comedy in both their own mishaps and the situations of others. I honestly can't wrap my head around how one would actually "study" humor, but if I were to offer any advice, it would be to just embrace the philosophy of "always look on the bright side of life" and let the laughter come to you naturally.

What nonsense. Most stand-up comedians—and I mean most—are drinking heavily and battling depression and anxiety.
Humor is a defense mechanism. It's self-healing. It's a way to find connection and validation from others through laughter.

Joseph Bailey41 said:Let me guess... you're hanging out with that same old neighborhood crew from elementary school? ☕

Haha, 🤣exactly.
Look, we all crave people who actually challenge us intellectually. There are certain people I can actually engage with—people I have the energy to debate everything from deep space to nihilism, religion, spirituality, or the nature of reality. No taboos. It’s intense, unsettling, and honestly, pretty exhilarating. It feels alive.

Then there are the others. People I can't even bother to argue with when they start rambling about how different races are separate species, denying evolution, or trying to defend historical atrocities like the worst parts of American history.

Talking to them is like sitting next to an amoeba and trying to explain quantum physics. A complete waste of energy. I don't waste my breath on voids that can't be filled. They are just black holes in human form. If I have to sit near them at work, fine—I stay quiet and mind my own business.

Joseph Bailey41 said:IMHO, wherever there's a power struggle, love isn't present. A relationship built like that is founded on fear—fear of standing up for oneself, fear of abandonment, or fear of taking responsibility, depending on the person. You can't compete for dominance with someone and love them at the same time. It's the same logic: you can't truly love someone you view as inferior (unless they're a pet), nor can you love someone you've completely idealized—in those cases, your affection is directed toward a projection rather than the actual person. This whole dominance and submission thing is a sexual fetish (which some people enjoy and others don't), but it shouldn't be how a relationship functions 24/7. A healthy relationship should be about mutual respect and compatibility—valuing our differences. Like, you're stronger in one area, I'm stronger in another; we aren't competing, we're complementing each other, and those differences make life interesting. For me, nothing is more fascinating than learning how another person thinks, how they see the world, what they love, and what they hate... that is the foundation of love, attraction, and everything else. I've had people misinterpret my outlook as being either too dominant or too submissive, and as soon as someone tries to pigeonhole me into those categories, I feel like it's time to bail. If I'm putting in all this effort to really get to know you, and you haven't managed to grasp the basics of who I am by then... well, there's really nothing left for us to find together.

True, it should. But naturally, one person usually ends up being slightly more dominant. Some people aren't born leaders and they're fine with that. But if both want to lead, it gets difficult. Generally speaking, long-term relationships are incredibly tough. Most of what we learn about ourselves comes from those struggles. It's complicated; some things always stay hidden.

Donna White50 said:For me, this change is huge.
I’m losing the woman I love, and man, emotionally that's a heavy hit... it hurts, and it’s gonna take a long, long time to heal.
Plus, my whole life is getting flipped upside down—moving, hunting for a new apartment, finding babysitters, figuring out childcare when the kid is with me, probably switching jobs too... not to mention dealing with everyone's judgment over the whole situation.

I don't care much about what others think, though. I "beat" that part of myself a long time ago by realizing nobody is better or worse than anyone else—everyone has their wins and their losses.

But myself? Not so much... because seeing my family fall apart feels like a personal failure, maybe even the biggest one yet. My faith is the only thing keeping me upright, helping me stay strong, keep loving, and stay humble—I'm not asking for much.
I don't know, I keep getting this weird mix of relief and sadness, but I can't really let either feeling out...

Cutting ties with my mom makes me feel fake-proud... I still feel guilty, like I'm just being a jerk and a bad son.

Are you certain you love her? It seems to me that your relationships, with anyone, are just sources of stress. So much has happened, and you aren't stupid; it always ends up the same way in relationships where two strong personalities clash—this constant struggle for power over who is dominant and who is submissive. The only successful relationships seem to be those where one person submits. I can't play the submissive role anymore; I spent my whole life doing it out of fear, but it isn't in my nature. Looking back, I think I chose dominant partners for that very reason. It irritates me deeply, and I can't stand it. Now I have to live with it. But whatever, I'm here to process it, understand it, and move through it. It feels like the same pattern might be happening with you.

Donna White50 said:My dad’s whole vibe was basically that I was never going to amount to anything. He truly believed that right up until the end. By his math, I shouldn't have even made it past middle school. He spent all this energy proving that marriage, kids, or anything else "adult" just wasn't in my cards. When I finally knocked out my degree, he acted like it was worthless, even though it was one of the toughest programs in the country. When I met my wife, he actually respected her for a bit because she was the type of person who would tell him straight to his face, but once she was gone, he'd go behind my back... saying she wasn't right for me, or making these gross comments about how she wasn't "classy" enough...
I feel like that curse follows me everywhere, deep down... and part of me, in some weirdly masochistic way, almost wants his prophecies to come true. My marriage is falling apart right now, which feels like proof he was right—that she wasn't the one, or maybe I was just desperately trying to prove him wrong the whole time. Now, I'm putting all this effort into saving what's left, mostly because I'm terrified of seeing the bright spots in my future. This necessary change feels gross, and it's depressing to see how messy life gets for divorced guys. I never wanted this; I always valued love, being a unit, having a family... But now I have to let that vision go, walk alone, and find some kind of purpose for myself—hopefully somewhere away from the losers hanging out at biker bars with toxic women who don't know the first thing about loving someone... It feels like those broken women are the only constant in my life—cold, distant, selfish...
Do people even know what love actually is anymore, or are they just looking for the idea of it?

Dear Donna White50, believe me, I had a breakthrough in therapy when I truly realized everything you're saying. I say these things to myself. It was my household's philosophy: impossibly high standards and a total lack of trust in anyone, including myself. That has become my internal monologue. I think these things about myself, and I fear that if I let my guard down, I'll end up a pauper under a bridge, driven to the brink. I show myself zero mercy. I never approach my own thoughts with compassion or understanding; there is only a judging voice telling me I am weak, unworthy, and that I must push harder. That I've failed at everything. My therapist found it painful just to listen to how I talk to myself. It's like those Marine Corps drill instructors—zero warmth, zero empathy, zero kindness. And I was still holding back. It's worse than that. The problem is that my father's bitterness has become my own way of thinking. That's why I have no mercy for myself. That's why we choose people who lack mercy, because that's how we view ourselves. We believe we need more, more intense, more driven, because we think we are weak and inadequate. Even though we work like horses, constantly pushing, faster and harder. Weakness in others irritates me because that judgmental impulse is my inheritance. I don't want to preach; I just want to find that place within myself where I can treat myself with warmth and compassion. With forgiveness and acceptance. The world won't stop spinning if I mess up. If I allow myself to believe I am a good person, that I can relax and be vulnerable sometimes without ending up destitute.

Donna White50 said:So maybe you did heal from the need to control everything—just let go... and started embracing how unpredictable life can be.
I bet that wasn't an easy road to walk... it’s tough to just throw yourself out there trusting that things will eventually work out.

For me, letting go would mean ditching everything I try to manage—stuff that's actually suffocating me, like my wife, my career, my investments. Basically, I’d be living this totally aimless life, riding motorcycles and getting caught up in shallow flings... In short, I'd basically be a total loser...
It doesn't sound like much of a life, which is why I don't live it. Instead, I'm stuck in a marriage with a woman who doesn't love me, fighting with my mom who really screwed me over, grinding at work just to feel like I've made it, and dreaming about all that—clinging to the illusion that any of it will bring actual happiness, even though I know deep down it won't...
So then I turn to things like tempered bombs and just self-destructing a little, just to prove to myself that some kid actually has worth, because otherwise... I don't really feel that way.
Lately, heartbreak is hitting me pretty hard so I'm feeling a bit wrecked, but regardless... going through a breakup is never easy...

Where did you get this idea that you'd be a "loser"? Who decided that was the definition? Maybe that's just your own internal monologue right now, but did someone—a father figure, perhaps—criticize you that way? Did their voice become your own?
Why would you be a loser just for trying to build a new life for yourself? Where would you look for, or go to find, things that actually interest you? Even things that are actually joyful?
To give up on what's already mapped out would be the true failure, and that’s what haunts me. But I suspect that's just societal pressure talking. Out there, people don't judge nearly as harshly—neither themselves nor others.

Karen Morgan6 said:First piece of advice: hit the gym. Consistency is everything when it comes to training. Second: adopt a bit of that Fight Club philosophy. You have to realize that we’re all just human beings, and everyone feels fear. The difference is, you aren't afraid of getting into a scrap; you’re afraid of the embarrassment. Let me tell you from experience—back when I was your age, I once laid out some local tough guy. And his big move? He called the cops on me... All this talk about walls and ego... Look, if someone actually jumps you, call the police and leave it at that. Don't overthink the fights. Just get out there, enjoy life, and meet someone great. If some girl tries to egg you on to go fight someone, don't fall for it. Just tell her straight up that she's being immature, and walk away. Avoid girls who push you toward violence; they’re usually nothing but trouble. Best regards. Oh, and I forgot to mention: I used to be exactly like you, but you should never stop learning as long as you're alive!

Here is a good breakdown on the victim mentality. It’s spot on. Everyone feels fear, but the goal is to work on yourself and build actual self-confidence. That’s the whole point.

coppergardener said:Does anyone know if physiatry exams are held at the Washington, D.C. hospital or over at Madison Square Garden? Thanks.

I checked at Madison Square Garden. Don't expect much, though. It was a total mess.

ruggedseal17 said:Exactly. The teller is the one who screwed up. My question is this: do they have the legal right to just pull that amount back out of my account without me signing anything?

No, they can't. But if you refuse, things escalate. I'm not sure if they take it through the courts or what, but they'll find a way to get the money. You won't be able to hold onto it.

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy S23 using Reddit

ruggedseal17 said:I really need some advice here!

So, I headed down to Wells Fargo to fix a foreign currency transaction that was recorded incorrectly—$33 they pulled the funds from my account, but the bank only credited me with $100. Now they’re calling me to come in and sort this out. Is there any way I can just settle the difference directly from my checking account instead of having to go through all the formal paperwork?

Thanks!

What’s the actual issue here? Did the teller mess up? They handed you less cash than you were owed, and now they need you to come in and sign off to correct your balance. You can't do it without a signature. Well, technically you could, but it makes the whole process take forever.
The reality is, if someone messes up like this and you don't show up to sign the paperwork, the teller might have to cover the error out of their own paycheck. And usually, it’s the person least at fault, likely making the lowest wage.
Personally, I feel for people who make mistakes on the job. I get it. We all slip up sometimes. It's just how things go.

wanderinggull11 said:I honestly can't find a way to convince myself that I don't want it. It hits me hardest when I start spiraling about the past or the future—thinking about who I want to be, where I should be looking, all that stuff. I'm starting to worry I'm losing my mind because the urge feels so damn convincing. How am I supposed to talk myself out of this? How do I tell myself it's a bad idea? I went to see a therapist, laid out everything, and they just sat there nodding along. Nothing changed. Every time I try to tell myself I don't want it, some part of me—this gut feeling—just screams that I do.

Check out this episode. It's in English, but they explain this perfectly.
Sometimes it's just a thought. Just a single thought. We all have them, but most people let them pass—think "that was a stupid thought," and move on. But people prone to OCD latch onto the heavy ones. The weird, disturbing, sometimes violent ones. They start looping them (OCD), and the more they try to force them away, the harder they stick.
Listen to it. Their example is spot on.

https://www.npr.org/2015/01/09/375928124/dark-thoughts

Nicole James said:Greed is actually the bedrock of a thriving economy. On the flip side, laziness—believe it or not—is the true driver behind innovation. In my view, both are essentially human virtues.

haha, greed is good -G Gecko

I had some bloodwork done because of a sinus infection. I finished my antibiotics, but the exhaustion is still hitting me hard, and I've been running a low-grade fever of 98.6°F for three weeks now. My doctor is sending me back for more tests because of this.
Everything looks fine on the results, except for this one value which is just slightly outside the normal range.
Is this something to worry about, or is the fatigue and low fever just lingering from the sinus infection? My nasal swab came back clear too.

(K) Red Blood Cell 5.09 ( 3.86 - 5.08 )
(S) AST 32 ( 8 - 30 )

Carl Rivera43 said:👎

Well, she can be a bit prickly sometimes—mostly just being passive-aggressive—but honestly, she keeps everyone at arm's length most of the time.

Maybe you should ask yourself why it matters so much to you that everyone likes and accepts you. Why does it bother you so deeply when someone stays distant, no matter how hard you try to win them over or grab their attention? Where is that coming from? Whose affection are you still chasing? Usually, it’s something from the older generation. You say you feel more comfortable around older people... think about that.

Carl Rivera43 said:What's the deal with trying to "buy" people? I consider myself a bit of a logician, maybe a touch old-school too, but I just don't see the point in trying to "buy" anyone's affection or loyalty.

You put "buying" in quotes because you're trying to be liked. You want acceptance, and that’s easiest to get from older folks—you know how to navigate those waters. It makes you feel secure. Being young among elders provides a certain sense of protection. You've touched on this several times before.
With people your own age, though, that tactic doesn't work. That habit of seeking validation isn't going to cut it with your peers.

Carl Rivera43 said:Who knows, right? Honestly, I can't really get behind how most younger people react these days—it just feels way too cold. For someone like me, an emotional introvert, those kinds of situations can be pretty awkward to navigate

Now that’s actual self-improvement. Doing the hard stuff. Going where you don't want to go, facing the unknown, dealing with the uncertainty. That’s where the work happens. You’ve learned how to manipulate people—how to make them like you using methods that aren't exactly healthy.
Not every young person is "cold." It's just that you can't charm them the way you're used to.
In a relationship like that, you have to be an equal. You have to be yourself. And clearly, you haven't figured out how to do that yet.

Carl Rivera43 said:Honestly, I find it way easier hanging out with the 40+ crowd. This one negative person is only about 30, but most of the younger folks just don't really click with me.

You've already mentioned that. Dealing with older folks is easy—you win them over with humor, act like the young guy in the room while they're the seniors, and it works for you.
With younger people who see themselves as equals, that tactic fails. It doesn't work. In those dynamics, you have to do something else: take a stand, fight for your ground, actually act like an adult. But you haven't quite grown up there.

I just got my nasopharyngeal swab results back, and it says "Culture of the sample showed no growth."
Does that mean the results are okay? I’ve never seen that wording before, so I'm not entirely sure.🤔

Douglas Rogers5 said:🤣🤣🤣🤣
That actually gave me a good laugh.

At the end of the day, it seems like the whole conflict stems from me being closed off to everyone except my immediate family. I’ve been overthinking this, running through a thousand different scenarios in my head. There are certain things I genuinely enjoy, but instead of just owning them, people look at me with this pitying expression. It would probably make sense to just be blunt about it—to tell them, "Look, this is what I do, this is how I feel, and that's that. Period."

Maybe the problem is you feel like you've outgrown your circle. You have different perspectives on life now, no common interests, and maybe insecurity or a fear of being alone keeps you tethered to them. It's strange... personally, I think you need new connections, people closer to your current world. But to find that, you have to let go of the old ones first. That means stepping out of your comfort zone, which is naturally a bit intimidating.

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