Posts by boldwalker12

Look, nobody is untouchable here. I honestly don't even know how to respond to such a vague, nonsensical mess.

Also, there’s one thing you all need to wrap your heads around, because it seems like a lot of people are missing the point—we don't moderate based on what you want
Just because you feel like something is "this" or "that" doesn't make it a reality. That’s just your opinion. Filing a report doesn't automatically mean someone gets a strike.

I don't see any actual issue here at all.
If we didn't react fast enough—according to your standards, anyway—that isn't a valid excuse to put on this ugly little drama over on PŽK. You shouldn't be making a huge deal out of some PDFs that aren't even an issue; if anything, the discussions have been pretty high-quality lately.

And if you think you can achieve your goal of getting rid of anyone who disagrees with you or settling your personal petty squabbles through us, forget about it. I'll say it again: we don't moderate based on your personal wishes.

Look, the forum members don't get to decide who gets sent to the timeout corner. And no, moderators don't have to drop a formal response to every single little report that comes in. That's just part of the job—it's all based on the moderator's discretion. Honestly, I wouldn't say you guys have exactly pioneered a better way of doing things or changed the tone either. Plus, we don't do public call-outs or "accounting sessions" on the threads; labeling someone a troll isn't allowed here.

Thanks, Jason Harris5 and Dennis Jackson38—you guys really managed to plug every single gap anyone could possibly think of. 🙂

I honestly, truly hope we can finally put this whole saga/complaint to bed. Everyone stepped up to weigh in and clear things up.

graniteridge6 said:
Honestly, I totally thought those warnings on that divorce thread were triggered because things got a little heated during that debate with Victor. In my book, even though he was being intense, the back-and-forth was actually pretty fair—I couldn’t wrap my head around why anyone would try to shut down that kind of discussion. I didn't even notice the side chat happening; it clearly got wiped, and then suddenly there's a warning popping up out of nowhere. Since I couldn't see what actually went down, I obviously jumped to the wrong conclusion.
I just realized while scrolling through this thread that there are actually deleted posts in here. Who knew? 😁
I was actually thinking about that whole debate when I mentioned that people should probably just be allowed to sharpen their wits against one another a bit, but now I’m starting to realize that isn't even what this is about at all. 🙈)

Yeah, look, sometimes I’ll drop a warning even after I’ve already gone through and nuked a massive pile of posts. Even if it isn't strictly written in the rulebook, I'll occasionally point out that I just had to clear out a ton of junk just to signal that everyone needs to chill out. As long as the conversation stays on track and actually sticks to the topic at hand, we're good.

graniteridge6 said:You can totally write that you're thinking about me. 😁
Yeah, I brought that up for no reason—totally unnecessary, water under the bridge. My bad.
(Also, I noticed that since then, there’s been more of a "warning before the ban" vibe instead of just jumping straight to a strike, so clearly some shift happened). 🙂

Just ignore my comment; it was pretty out of line and didn't really have anything to do with the original complaint.

I was just speaking generally, it wasn't intentional, which is why slynomad14 jumped on it.

Anyway, I'm hoping this whole thing is settled now.

Btw, I've always used warnings, but they aren't mandatory and aren't applied the same way every time. Sometimes it's an immediate strike, sometimes it's a warning followed by a strike, and sometimes it's just a warning—it all just depends on how the moderator is reading the situation at the moment.

slynomad14 said:And I have no idea why some crew over at unknown is even trying to take credit for this?

So, I guess she just showed up to the unknown completely unhinged. 🤷

Look, I practically begged you to stop with the insinuations, but clearly, that was a total waste of my breath.
I didn't even say that. I was talking about how different PDF vibes can be, period. Besides, the subforum I moderate is a totally different beast from unknown; over there, we actually embrace the chaos and off-topic banter, so I definitely don't think it's just some unhinged mob hanging out there. You’re seriously putting words in my mouth, and honestly, I have no idea why you're doing that. Maybe you've just run out of actual things to complain about.

The only reason I even brought that up is because you just can't get used to how one single PDF format tries to dictate exactly how every other file should look. It’s infuriating. And honestly, I only mentioned it because they keep dragging up those old, dusty complaints about cases that were already settled—stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with you.

slynomad14 said:Those posts didn't just vanish into thin air out of nowhere; they were scrubbed only after this thread actually went live. Until that point, they were sitting right where they belonged—serving as a direct response to that one post that was absolutely suffocating under a mountain of tired clichés and nothing but pure, unadulterated prejudice.

That’s just straight-up false. Honestly, I have no clue why people are making such a huge deal out of this.
I actually had to go through the hassle of restoring these posts just so I could quote them here for you guys, since Jacob Sullivan91 deleted them and then went ahead and slapped everyone with a warning. Honestly, I have no idea where this whole fabrication is coming from. I’m pretty sure—actually, I know for a fact—that she didn't even look at this specific thread while she was moderating everything above. So, trying to claim that one thing is somehow connected to the other? That’s just cheap.

I don't see any specific grievance being aired here, but man, it’s pretty obvious that around here, everyone takes even the slightest critique as a personal attack on their soul.

Look, I’m officially weighing in on this complaint because I’m the one stuck moderating that specific PDF. It’s basically just people whining that the file feels too "sterile" and lacks any actual personality, and then they get called out for being exactly what they're complaining about. It’s a total loop.
Look, I didn't take any of that personally. I’m just answering the questions you guys are throwing at me.

How on earth did I end up in a group with unknown? People are seriously out here handing out "diagnoses" like they’re passing out candy at a parade. It's getting ridiculous.

Look, I’ve already told you—I’m not part of that unknown crew, and you could have easily seen that if you actually read my post. I was addressing everyone who jumped in here to file some kind of complaint. Besides, there’s no harm in being crystal clear just so people don't start comparing this thread to other subreddits. Let's be real: the moderation on those other boards is definitely more laid back. Not by a huge margin, sure, but still. It’s only logical that the vibe isn't exactly the same when you're discussing something like "Do you sleep with virgins" versus a heavy topic like "My husband cheated on me." Please, just try to respect that different subreddits have different sensibilities.

I honestly have no clue which part of my post makes you think I’m out here handing out medical diagnoses like candy, so could you please just drop that whole angle? I’m seriously not diagnosing anyone, nor is that something I even do.

And honestly, just because someone spends more time hanging out on unknown than on unknown, it doesn't exactly qualify as a medical diagnosis. 🤣
Sorry, but I actually can't help myself—I have to laugh. 😁

slynomad14 said:It’s pretty convenient how you’re selectively cherry-picking our sarcastic posts, acting all shocked that we dared to be snarky—as if none of us ever wrote a single coherent sentence on this topic before, and we just decided to turn this thread into our personal playground after skipping class. 🙄

Look, those posts were deleted. I didn't pull them out of thin air; you guys actually wrote them, and then they were nuked. I'm not about to go digging up your remaining posts where you're all being dead serious, am I? I'm pulling the ones you're whining about—the ones supposedly "not allowed." The ones dripping with irony and the kind of healthy banter that people claim is being smothered. So, I decided to make it crystal clear exactly what kind of "smothering" we're talking about by copy-pasting the exact posts your moderator friend wiped out. Because that’s what you’re complaining about, right? That she killed the fun, the sarcasm, the freedom, whatever.

So, there you go. It was all your handiwork; I didn't invent those posts.

According to the ZUD rules, irony, sarcasm, and joking aren't welcome.

The mods have the discretion to judge that stuff, and honestly, give me a break—there wasn't a shred of actual humor in those posts, let alone the kind you're describing. That was just straight-up unconstructive spam.

But it was recently said that the astrology thread was allowed on ZUD specifically because the site itself is so serious and needs a little lightening up. 🤷

ZUD doesn't need "lightening up." Like the user above pointed out, ZUD isn't some version of Reddit designed for casual trolling, and you can't expect to jump from a subreddit meant for laughs over to ZUD and start demonizing the mods just because they won't let you play around.
ZUD deals with heavy topics; it's always been the most intense corner of the dating forums and the place where people come looking for genuine support. If a core group of users forms every few years, there's an unspoken code that you keep the jokes to the designated chat rooms instead of demanding the freedom to troll threads where people are actually seeking help or comfort. You should be able to argue and bicker without it being treated like a crime.

The astrology thread actually proved why ZUD needs to stay strictly moderated; as soon as that door was cracked open, everyone started spamming "what's your sign" everywhere. You give them an inch, and they take a mile. It's just not happening.

ZUD isn't going to become some breezy, low-stakes forum for banter like the posts linked here, especially while this current set of mods is running the show. Deal with it.

slynomad14 said:I mean, I guess this whole thing with the past drama counts too.
Does it count as part of that if I openly pointed out how incredibly arrogant it is to tell a user they should just go complain over on the ŽuD forums if they don't like something here—especially when that user clearly holds a massive grudge against us on the main site?

Honestly, I have no clue what you're getting at. Besides, I didn't realize we were turning this thread into a "greatest hits" collection of grievances from the Stone Age. I don't keep tabs on who has beef with whom around here.

nimbleowl6 said:To be specific, we’re talking about the thread "Should you marry someone who's been through a rastava?".

At one point during that discussion, some users started getting all snarky and ironic

but honestly, I’m not looking to call in the mods—as I’ve said before, it feels like we're just dealing with a bunch of toddlers in a daycare throwing mashed potatoes at each other out of pure spite.

Look, I didn't moderate that specific thread by design, but since I see people filing complaints about how the whole site needs to be "loosened up" because it's too sterile, I took it upon myself to dig through the messy thread. Here’s a little taste of that lovely irony and the non-sterile atmosphere I’m constantly cleaning up, including my colleague's contribution here:

Businessman75 said:Until death do us rastava 🙄
Please, I beg you 🙄

Ugh... okay, now I totally get those guys who beat their wives. I guess they want to kill them so they can finally be free... like a bird in flight...

Businessman75 said:Look, I'm not defending anyone who's been through a rastava, that's just some messed up Masonic nonsense, total losers, destructive as hell and... (someone's gonna come after me for this)

But if someone was clueless at 25, maybe they actually learned something by 35...🤷

Businessman75 said:Man, you're really losing it right now, acting like a total clown 🙄

slynomad14 said:And then you've got those divorced hillbillies. 😍

Pocahontas1 said:You really know how to make a point.
Man, listen.
amen Quote

Businessman75 said:🙂

I don't have any content from "josip-presvetli" to rewrite yet. Please provide the posts you want me to transform! The user says:
I could’ve sworn I just saw a friend of mine venting on here a few minutes ago—you know, that one woman going through a messy divorce with two young boys in tow... $2.25 So, I’m sitting here wondering if I’ve finally lost my mind. Someone was rambling on about how people are pulling salaries where $5,000 just vanishes straight into loan payments, while their ex is sitting pretty on $11,000 and paying absolutely nothing—or something like that. Honestly, am I hallucinating? Or did I just misread a completely different thread? My brain is officially fried.

dominik01 said:🙂 You’ve got no heart! Seriously, you hit me right where it hurts!

Look, this is exactly the kind of nonsense that ŽuD doesn't need on this board. I’m not even going to sit here and argue that maybe some people find this stuff funny, or that someone else thinks it’s "fine irony," or even that a third person might claim it's just harmless fun for the community. To me? As a mod, this is straight-up spam, off-topic clutter, and let's be real—it's trolling. Either way, we've never tolerated posts like this when they derail a discussion, and we aren't about to start making exceptions now.

Those are pretty much the only posts that got nuked from that thread. There might be a couple more floating around, but they’re basically the same deal.

If you honestly think that deleting posts like this is somehow "killing the spirit" of ŽuD, then I’m genuinely speechless.

Look, if you ask me, I’d much rather deal with a boring, "sterile" PDF than have to wade through this kind of "humor." That’s just my humble opinion from the forum trenches, but as a moderator, let me be crystal clear: things aren't changing on this front. Period.

I think you might have hit "send" a little too early there! You just dropped a single letter on me. What's the word? I'm ready to dive in whenever you are. To all those divorced farm girls out there... i I honestly can't even deal with all these endless "amens" lately. It’s getting ridiculous. Is there some kind of unspoken rule now where we just spam blessings every time someone breathes? It feels less like genuine faith and more like people just hitting a button to feel good about themselves without actually thinking. I'm all for positivity, truly, but this constant loop of "amen" is starting to feel a little performative. Just saying. Look, you can easily just hang out and chat in one of the three different forums that ŽuD manages. Trying to force people to stick to one specific thread is honestly a waste of everyone's time.

I just want to touch on this whole thing about how strictly moderated ŽuD is. From as far back as I can remember, ŽuD has been tightly moderated, and honestly, it’s gone through plenty of different phases—some interesting, some pretty dull—which is just how things go.
In my experience, whenever people try to loosen the reins on moderation, you end up with a massive pile of bickering, off-topic nonsense, non-constructive garbage, and mindless spam. It’s a total disaster for the forum.
So, bottom line: ŽuD is going to stay strictly moderated. That’s how it’s always been, it hasn't held us back, and frankly, this forum is too delicate to let it slide.

That said, if we all actually want to make this place more engaging, the answer is having constructive discussions, not asking for permission to start fights (looking at you, referring to that post about a long-closed ban appeal). Trust me, trying to turn a thread into a shouting match doesn't make a forum interesting; in practice, it just makes it look pathetic and ugly to read.

You guys are totally free to start whatever threads you feel fit the vibe of ŽuD and do whatever you can to make this space better. Just obviously, you have to follow the rules, which, again, aren't changing. And they aren't even as "strict" as some might claim, though hey, I guess that's just a matter of opinion.

Regarding the main complaint, I don't really have much to say other than "That's enough." It's a standard moderator response; it could be phrased as a polite request, but it doesn't have to be.
That's my two cents. I don't think this is personally about me, but honestly, it doesn't matter. We moderate this place together and we put in the work, so I truly, deeply don't get what all this fuss is about.

Adam Parker2 said:That is exactly what I meant.
Basically—if you multi-quote a few posts and happen to find one that you personally deem off-topic, spammy, or otherwise punishable—you just wipe the whole lot. It doesn't matter if it's important or trivial, new or old, on-topic or off-topic.
And along with those, you end up deleting another 30, maybe 50 other random posts from everyone else too.

The report button has nothing to do with this situation.

That is straight-up false. That post wasn't even multi-quoted.

Here are some examples of your supposedly "multi-quoted" posts:

Adam Parker2 said:🤣
A smoker who can't function and just idles away in boring company—especially if they don't even have a cigarette on them—is basically a fossil.😁
Peace out.😁
-------------

Hey, OP!
Did you actually get around to that reminder, or am I really going to have to side with Carol Johnson4 and validate her theory about how much of a disaster your relationship actually is?

Adam Parker2 said:Selfish people are just those who demand everything go their way, regardless of anyone else's RIGHTS, which are even protected by law.

They insult, spit, and act disgusted by anyone whose desires or whims differ from their own.
They couldn't care less about what's right.

"Who cares about anything... especially honesty?"
That's how selfish people operate.😁

I'm done with this.

Adam Parker2 said:Someone else's "off-topic" comment wasn't removed, and frankly, I don't even see it as off-topic—besides, I'm replying to others using the multi-quote feature, which was actually recommended to me.
I was told to use multi-quote, so that's exactly what I'm doing.

I have no way of knowing what you personally consider off-topic or "wrapped in cellophane."
And by the way, a "ROFL" is just one little icon—it isn't an entire line of text.
I don't have any more questions for you. 🙂

http://www.americanforum.com/showthread.php?t=762283

That off-topic mess you were replying to has already been wiped out, along with your specific question. Both the site moderator and the admin can verify that.

If you see something that actually violates the rules, feel free to report it.

Adam Parker2 said:Deletion? 😕

thanks

...I'm actually curious—just wondering why my post was removed when I was simply addressing the author with a question?
Is it okay to ask if her silence is just... well, her thinking things over—or perhaps the deadline passed and that's why it was taken down?

Yeah, it was definitely deleted.
It was basically a massive wall of off-topic rambling and laughing at other people's off-topic posts, all wrapped up in this thin layer of trolling. But yeah, it's gone.

Feel free to ask her anything relevant, as long as you aren't being a total provocateur.

Once the debate about neighbors smoking kicked off, I put up a warning. Right before that, the moderator had already posted basically the same thing, telling everyone to stop spiraling into endless arguments about smokers versus non-smokers.

That whole thread you replied to regarding selfish smokers—and all that whining about selfishness and altruism in coffee shops—has absolutely nothing to do with this topic, other than the fact that they both involve smoking.

Just a reminder: this PDF is specifically for living together. It’s way more relevant to know how couples actually navigate the whole smoking situation in their relationship than to have some grand philosophical debate about what "tolerance" means or people bickering over whether they smoke or not.

Those posts were deleted because there isn't enough substance there to justify spinning them off into a standalone thread for the living together section.
They were also nuked because they're off-topic. If something accidentally slipped through the cracks, just hit that little triangle icon and report it. Maybe I missed something in that massive pile of off-topic nonsense, you never know.

Adam Parker2, I think that pretty much covers all your questions regarding the smoking in the house topic.

Adam Parker2 said:But isn't "selfishness" actually central to the core topic? It’s deeply intertwined with the whole subject when you look at it from different angles—I'm sorry if that isn't coming across. Not to mention how often that specific term pops up in almost every single post.

Generally speaking, I just tend to share my own perspective.

Warnings feel a bit pointless sometimes—after they happen, some posts get deleted, some users get penalized, and others get corrected, yet most of the off-topic stuff just lingers. Or else, a huge chunk of posts gets wiped out entirely.

Like I already told you over in the Moderation Appeals section, the mods don't go in and edit or correct anyone's posts—that's strictly against the rules. Certain controversial posts were deleted, including the one you were replying to.

Even after being warned to get back on track, you guys kept going off-topic and breaking the rules. Everything written after that had absolutely nothing to do with the author's actual issue, and this thread isn't about turning into a massive shouting match between smokers and non-smokers. That's all I've got to say.

Adam Parker2 said:I have to say, I’m feeling pretty frustrated with how boldwalker12 is handling moderation.
On a thread about a mother waiting for her child—which was completely innocent—I received a warning for no apparent reason.

Unless, of course, responding to people who quote you is somehow forbidden at certain times?
Is there actually a time limit on using the quote function?

Are users expected to be glued to a thread constantly just to avoid a warning when replying? If a discussion shifts direction, how are we supposed to address questions from earlier in the thread?

Does this mean anyone joining a conversation late loses their right to weigh in because they "missed the window"? What is the actual expiration date on a post?
for example:

----------------------------

Furthermore, the arguments used to justify deleting the last 30 or so posts are just silly. Any meaningful discussion naturally branches out—it explores broader aspects of the core issue and brings in vital facts and diverse perspectives that are essential to the topic itself.

Are we meant to have real discussions here, or just provide one-sentence replies while watching the clock? If it’s the latter, then honestly, why bother saying anything at all? Only those who haven't already given a two-line answer should even speak up.

Roughly cutting off the most recent posts is unprofessional—it kills the conversation, guts the topic, and is totally unfair to those who just joined in.

Some posts were left up that seem to follow the moderator's own personal house rules rather than actual community standards.

It’s a poor judgment call—and frankly, a poorly executed job regarding the overall sense of purpose in moderation. 👎

If you're referring to that mess where everyone was venting about "selfish people," debating non-smoking cafes, arguing over semantics regarding tolerance, and all that other off-topic nonsense that happened after I explicitly warned everyone to get back on track, then yeah, I did kill that conversation. You guys were blatantly ignoring the warnings.

Patrick Alvarez20 said:So, there are a few things on my mind... I’d love to hear some experiences or maybe get an opinion from someone who actually understands human psychology regarding what I’m going through right now.

About a year ago, I fell for this guy, and honestly, he absolutely wrecked me. At first, the relationship was full of these incredible, beautiful moments, but then he just abruptly pulled away. Once I realized something was off, I tried to sit him down and talk about us, but he just turned it around on me, claiming I was "creating problems where none existed." It started with him being distant, dodging hangouts, and basically ghosting my attempts at connection—until I realized I was the only one making any effort while he acted like everything was perfectly fine. We actually broke up for a full month, which was pure agony for me because I had become emotionally dependent on him, while he just kept retreating. He didn't even have the backbone to tell me to my face that he wanted out. To be fair, neither did I. I just couldn't wrap my head around why this was happening. One day we were great, and the next, it was a completely different story.

Eventually, things ended for good, and I spiraled into a total funk. I neglected my classes at NYU, pushed my friends away, and forced myself to go out when I really just wanted to crawl into a hole. I wasn't myself anymore. My friends would get frustrated with me, asking why I was acting this way, but I just couldn't help it.
In the meantime, I didn't try to get close to anyone else because I missed him too much, and frankly, nobody else seemed interesting enough. And I have to admit, there were plenty of wonderful people around me.
I totally put him on a pedestal. I realize that now—it took me a whole year to see it clearly—but still...

I remember talking to a friend back then who told me that at our age (26), almost everyone has one story like this in their past. And looking around, it seems true; nearly everyone I know has dealt with a similar kind of "trauma." I have a friend who spent eight years stuck in a cycle with a guy who would leave her and only come crawling back whenever he needed something, and she just wasn't strong enough to end it.

So now I’m wondering—why do we do this to ourselves? Why am I still struggling with it, why is it so hard to accept that he isn't what I need, and why do I keep telling myself I'll never truly get over this?
The truth is, I can see how much he changed me, and unfortunately, not for the better. How do you move past that?

I’d love to hear about your own experiences after your "traumas"... How long did it take you to recover and get back on your feet? How did it change you? And were you actually able to build healthy, quality relationships with someone else afterward?

I’d ask the moderators to please keep this thread from moving to the venting or US boards, and sorry if this post feels a bit scattered. I’m not exactly feeling 😢

Because you don't love yourself. Honestly. If you actually liked who you were, you'd be with someone who treats you like a human being instead of some jerk who just broke you down. As long as you haven't figured out how to value yourself, I seriously doubt you're going to run into people worth meeting—people who won't just add more damage to your life (unless you hit some insane cosmic jackpot). Maybe I'm wrong, but looking at every single example I know, that's just how it plays out.

Relationships like that just dig up all that old pain that's begging to be felt. It's a weird cycle where you think you've moved on and gotten used to life without the ache, but then it's just simmering under the surface, waiting for the right person to come along and drag it all back to the light. That's your lack of self-love talking. And yeah, you're totally right—so many people your age don't respect themselves or even like themselves, so they just let any random person walk all over them. Sometimes it genuinely shocks me how many people are just... broken, once you look past the surface. It sucks.

I don't know, do whatever you gotta do, but my personal take is that it's way better to stay single than to force things or hunt for toxic relationships. Realistically, until you start respecting yourself, you're just going to attract people who have zero respect for you. And honestly, what's the point? You're better off traveling the country or just hanging out with your dog.

So, I'm curious about your experiences after your own "traumas"... How long did it take you guys to recover, to actually get back on your feet?

A long time. About a year, maybe a little longer.

And how did it change you? Were you actually able to build healthy, quality relationships later on?

Hard to say. My tolerance for bullshit is definitely lower, and that's about it.
No.

It’s not that that sentence bugs me—I know my friends mean well—it’s just that people tend to go totally mute when tragedy hits. Honestly, half the time, I can't even find the right words myself.

When someone really close to me was terminally ill, I didn't want to sit around talking about it with my friends. Just living through it every single day was enough of a full-time job. I actually made a point to talk about anything and everything else; I even managed to laugh through it, and that stayed my vibe until the very end. There were maybe two times where I actually opened up—once right after we found out, and once near the very end. But other than that, I was the only one who truly knew what was going on inside my head. Because let's be real, there aren't any magic words that actually help in those moments. Plus, being stuck in that headspace 24/7 is just brutal, especially when it drags on like that.

Honestly, you both have issues here. That visceral disgust you feel toward even a single drop of alcohol usually stems from some kind of trauma—most often growing up in a house with an alcoholic. You can either deal with that baggage (which would be great, if only for your own sanity), or just find someone who doesn't touch the stuff at all.

As for him, he’s got a problem because he’s either already an alcoholic or he’s fast-tracking his way to becoming one.
And somehow, it’s almost a cliché how people who grew up around alcohol tend to end up dating people exactly like that.
I’m just guessing here, since I don't know the specifics of why you're feeling this repulsion and fear toward booze, but that's pretty much the most common root cause.

Having a drink once in a while is fine, but if you can't actually have fun without getting absolutely trashed, you're looking at a straight shot toward alcoholism.

Facebook actually has this "see translation" feature. Honestly, it might be a pretty slick idea to have it here too—like subtitles for when someone from Mexico or Canada drops a post. It’s a smart move, really. 👍

I don't understand a single word of Canadian or Mexican. I guess I could pretend I don't get Mexican or Canadian, but there’s really no point in that.