Posts by mistybison

I agree with velvetgull9 that moving this thread might be the best move. It will likely spiral into a critique of the church or trigger a debate between believers and atheists, leaving you without any practical answers or advice. 🙂 Alternatively, we could keep this under 'Religion' and simply start a new one in 'Weddings.'

steelridge58 said:From the book "The Vagina Monologues" by Eve Ensler

My vagina was once these lush, dew-covered, soft pink fields, filled with the lowing of cows and the gentle sensation of a soft straw held in my maiden hands. /Something exists between my legs. I don't know what it is. And I don't know where it is: I don't touch it. Not now. Not anymore. Not after that. /My vagina was vibrant, talkative, impatient, so incredibly chatty and it just wouldn't stop talking, oh yes, oh yes. /But not since I've been dreaming that it’s a dead animal, stitched shut down there with thick black thread. And that heavy, sickening stench of a carcass just won't wash away. Its throat has been slit, and the blood bleeding out from it seeps through all my summer dresses. /My vagina sings all the songs of girlhood, the sound of goat bells spreading out, all those wanton autumn songs, the songs of the vagina. /But not anymore, not since those soldiers shoved a long, thick rifle inside me. That cold, metallic rod froze my very heart. I couldn't tell if they wanted to fire it or just use it to tear me apart. Six of them, these monstrous doctors wearing black masks over their faces, shoved things into me along with bottles. Various rods. A broomstick handle. /My vagina. My beautiful, wet village. They attacked it, conquered it, destroyed it, burned it to the ground. Down there, I don't touch myself anymore. I don't go there. Now I am somewhere else entirely. I don't even know where. (My vagina, my beautiful village).

Do you still feel the same way about the bolded part above?

I believe what you described is nothing short of an act of monstrous violence.

That said, I don't doubt that those who have endured different forms of torture in concentration camps—which undoubtedly leaves permanent psychological and physical scars—might feel anything but "better."

However, I agree with what Edward Green noted, citing DK, that a survivor's recovery is made significantly harder by the inherited attitudes toward sex that we all carry, which are the direct result of the Christian culture in which we were raised.

Edward Green said:didn't mean a damn thing. 😁

If that were true, then forcing someone to perform oral sex shouldn't be treated as any worse than forcing someone to go buy you a pack of Marlboros. And a slap should carry a heavier sentence than sexual assault. By that logic, child masturbation wouldn't even be a crime because there's no physical pain involved, just pleasure. Even prostitution would be on par with light manual labor. Honestly? That sounds absolutely insane to me.

My intention was simply to point out that sexual assault is fundamentally a form of physical violence. I am not suggesting it is identical to being slapped, but rather that it should be treated as any other act of physical violence. We need to move away from the idea that it is uniquely damaging to dignity or honor in a way that other forms of violence aren't. Many people still cling to outdated moralities regarding "shame" and "honor," and I believe it is important to clear up that distinction.

blueheron62 said:A few people have already said exactly what I’m thinking, so there's no point in me repeating myself.
You clearly don't grasp that rape is a criminal offense—which is what you seem to think😕
dignity and honor are things nobody can take away from you. They are inherent to being human, so they can't be "stripped" away. Secondly, while a perpetrator might try to use assault to strip someone of their dignity, you don't actually lose your dignity or honor by being a victim. Get it?
In the real world, there is no choice between "life or dignity." First off, because dignity can't be taken from you even when it's under attack, and second, for the exact reasons Logan Paul and a few others pointed out in that previous post.
The priest's comment is exactly what that guy rightly called it: symptomatic of an environment prone to myth-making. Plus, it's dangerous given the context of what Logan Paul mentioned... I mean, does being a victim of sexual assault mean a person no longer has dignity?

That might have been true in a different historical era. In the past, a woman who lost her virginity before marriage was often labeled "dishonored." Losing one's innocence was synonymous with losing one's honor. Such an act would essentially "shame" her, ruining her chances of marriage, and at best, she might be sent to a convent. From those ancient perspectives, rape was tantamount to death; in fact, death was often seen as a better option than being assaulted. It is quite easy to imagine women begging their attackers to kill them instead, or even preferring death over the trauma. Death would "preserve her honor," whereas assault left her with nothing but a "life of shame."
Today, making such a statement feels absurd because we live in a completely different age. Sex is no longer a taboo tied to "female honor." Of course, we are still far from being entirely free from those outdated mindsets, which is why victims of assault may still feel "shamed," as if the attacker "took" something from them—even though it is simply a matter of violence, whether that takes the form of sexual assault or physical battery. They are fundamentally the same thing.
Furthermore, debating whether a victim fought back or surrendered is a modern mistake. Most women would certainly attempt to defend themselves, and if they realized resistance was futile, they might submit simply to save their lives. There is no basis for moralizing about that choice.
As for the priest, I don't believe he intended anything malicious. He likely meant to offer some comfort to the parents of the deceased girl to ease their grief. While his wording was clumsy and open to interpretation, I doubt there was any deeper, darker message behind his statement.

Michael Bishop8 said:That is honestly so true... but I can't help feeling like I'm stuck in a situation where one tiny slip-up could bring the whole thing crashing down. My therapist actually described it perfectly—it's like trying to walk across a frozen lake while holding a bar of wet soap that you absolutely cannot let drop.
And through all this, I have this nagging fear that if I stop "chasing" her, she’ll just turn around and walk away for good. Maybe I am totally overthinking it, who knows? Lately, I've been trying really hard to step back and not be the one doing all the pursuing, but it feels like we're just drifting further apart.

You aren't in control here. 🙂 Thinking you can manage Vera's reaction is purely an illusion. If you "let go," you'll see—nothing changes. 🙂 "Chasing" someone rarely works unless that person hasn't found anyone "better" yet, at which point they settle for the one who's "available," which is a pretty humiliating spot to be in, if you ask me. 😉 You essentially reduce yourself to the "placeholder" category or the "good enough for now" option. 😁

slydriver17 said:You know what, I've been thinking about it. Just let it go.

😁
The moment he found out she cheated, he should have just kicked her out. After spending one night sleeping in a park, she would have realized her mistake and come crawling back. She might even look at him with genuine respect again. 😁 Modern men just don't get it anymore—they've become too soft and passive. Then they act surprised when women cheat on them. 😁

Just kidding. 😛 😁

hiddenhawk3 said:I need some actual passion in my life, not drugs😁

no pill is ever going to fix my problems😕

Passion is just another kind of drug—it's simply the natural version. 😁

amberseal13 said:I’ve been thinking about looking at this country from a few hundred thousand miles away. Everything would probably seem pretty ridiculous from that distance... just a tiny rock spinning around the sun in the middle of nowhere, hosting a life that lasts for a mere fraction of infinity. And don't even get me started on how little we actually know about anything. It honestly feels like some kind of video game.
It’s like we’re all playing through a level—as if before we were born, someone asked if we wanted Earth or some other planet. You wouldn't have to think too hard about it; you're only stuck there for a few decades anyway. 🙂
We have absolutely no clue how absurd our "massive" problems actually are.
To me, the only thing that makes any sense is the idea that there's something else after this.
What do you guys think?

To me, the only thing that truly makes sense is that this current moment of consciousness is the entirety of existence. 🙂 Though, even that isn't something I'm entirely certain about. 😁

Michael Bishop8 said:Well, look, the situation is that I'm married... but my wife has fallen for someone else. It's absolutely wild... though I’m really holding onto this tiny shred of hope that there's still a spark of reason left in her, and that we might be able to salvage this marriage—even if it isn't for the sake of our kid.

I totally get that there aren't any overnight fixes for something this heavy, but at the same time... I just can't sit here and wait months on end for this feeling to pass... assuming it even does.
It's already been dragging on for five months now.

Is that man in love with her as well?

placidjackal36 said:Reiki is pure snake oil—it's pseudoscience born out of religious philosophy, and when people try to use it for medical purposes, it falls squarely into the category of quackery. It’s actually fascinating how such a tiny, self-contained little concept can manage to capture such a massive slice of the human stupidity pie. Astrology is probably its only real rival, but even astrology has a bit of an apparatus behind it—some pseudo-math, a touch of astronomy, and a long tradition—that gives it some sort of staying power.
Reiki is basically waving your hands around and "sending positive vibes" to heal people. Its foundation is about as solid as the claim that the world was created in seven days, or that a teapot orbits the sun, or that paper napkins do the foxtrot when nobody's looking. There is zero basis for it, zero evidence, and best of all, the supposed mechanism they claim to use is already fully explained by biochemistry, which has absolutely nothing to do with their mystical results.
And then they charge you for it... which is just the icing on the cake. 🙏 🙏 🙏

What Anthony Fowler83 said was honestly revolting. You might not know this, but biologically speaking, human races don't exist. "Race" is just leftover terminology from the early days of systematic biological classification.
We are a single species known as Homo sapiens sapiens. Race is something you only really see in segregated societies where there are significant differences, making it more of a sociological phenomenon. Sometimes people categorize others this way just for convenience, like how the police might do it for easier identification.

This isn't about being intolerant or hateful. I don't usually even hang out in this section of the forum. I'll pop in occasionally, see that nothing has changed, and leave. But when I run into this kind of garbage you guys are dragging out, it makes me sick, and I have to say something.

It is possible there was simply a misunderstanding. She might have just meant that for those of us in the US—not because of our race, but because we live in a completely different culture—voodoo magic doesn't quite resonate. Since that tradition originated in Africa, where most Black men live, it may simply be that people from different backgrounds shouldn't practice magic that isn't suited to their own environment and cultural conditions.

It is quite interesting that Elvis Presley has already been banned from the forum twice in such a short period of time. Based on their posts, it is clear they struggle to fit in, and I suspect their negative experiences here likely contributed to the portrayal of online forums found in this study. 😢

hollowgardener7 said:I feel like your advice is solid. It applies perfectly to my current situation. I have overwhelmed myself with certain thoughts.
But how does one actually send thoughts on vacation? I need a way to truly rest and recover. Please share some "recipes," you wise people! 😘

Consider the possibility that tomorrow might not come, and that this exact moment is truly all you possess. Whatever happened is already gone; the memories we hold are just our own subjective interpretations, often far removed from the actual truth of what occurred. As for the future—if it’s something you want, you won't summon it through intense worrying, and if it’s something you fear, no amount of endless anxiety will prevent it. Instead, engage the world through your senses. Truly look, listen, and touch the things around you. Don't think about them; simply experience them. Experience yourself experiencing them. Find pleasure in great music, feel the chill of the breeze, or marvel at the subtle shades of blue on a book spine. 😉 That is the only reality you truly have and inhabit. 🙂

The less the mind is burdened by constant analysis and loops of thought, the more open the path to intuition becomes. This is when brilliant ideas tend to surface, often providing instant solutions to our problems. The more we observe, notice, and immerse ourselves in the immediate experience of reality, the more we actually see. Otherwise, we miss so much because the mind is too busy turning inward, obsessing over the same repetitive thoughts. Remember, the mind is always running; overthinking provides no control over ourselves or the world around us. 🙂

There is something truly beautiful about realizing that our minds function perfectly fine whether we pay attention to them or not. Just like the body—filtering blood, processing nutrients, and managing cell regeneration—the mind is constantly gathering sensory data, sorting it, analyzing it, and storing memories. It knows its job. While understanding these biological and psychological processes can certainly help us live more intentional, healthier lives, we aren't actually the ones calling the shots on how our existence operates. Humans have thrived for millennia without even a basic understanding of neurology or physiology. They lived, loved, grieved, celebrated, and simply existed. Isn't there a profound sense of freedom in knowing that we continue to exist quite effortlessly, even when we aren't thinking about ourselves? 🙂

Angela Morris said:A melancholy thought, yet an honest one...

I wouldn't call it pitiful or sad. 🙂 Once you realize that you might not even be here tomorrow, or that in a year's time nobody will remember you ever existed, you stop obsessing over "goals" and the "quality" of life. You can finally relax and just enjoy whatever comes your way. 🙂
We tend to think happiness comes from checking off a wish list—even though half those desires are just things pushed on us by social media and our surroundings that we never would have wanted on our own. The reality is that you can achieve everything you thought you wanted and still feel just as empty as before. It happens all the time.
True stability has to come from within, providing a foundation even when everything around you falls apart. We shouldn't look for the source of our joy solely through our interactions with the outside world. If you are only happy when you HAVE things (money, love, status...), rather than simply being (just existing), you will never find true contentment. Our entire American culture is outward-facing; we are conditioned to constantly hunt for happiness outside ourselves. Even when we talk about "self-improvement," it’s usually just a way to manipulate ourselves into better meeting external standards—like landing a better job, gaining social status, or finding a partner—or internal goals that are actually just reflections of how we compare ourselves to others. We live under the illusion that inner satisfaction will eventually follow these external achievements. We chase a version of happiness that exists in some distant future. This way of living only leads to a half-hearted sense of fulfillment at best.
The field of psychology should serve to help us understand ourselves more deeply, allowing us to accept and love who we are. 🙂 And by extension, to love others.

lonegardener said:👍 Exactly. For instance, I have no idea how to effectively channel my time or energy. The real issue starts with the word "effectively"—to even define what that means, you need a solid value system.

Wherever you look, you run into this fundamental crisis of values. If you ask me, that's where most of the real battles are fought.

You're alive, so what else is there to ask? 🙂 Do plants or animals ever stop to wonder if they are making the most of the time they have before they fade away? 😉 Humans only differ from our plant and animal friends by the sheer variety of experiences we can encounter. We are more colorful, more complex, and more layered, but the core essence remains identical.

Pleasant and calm.

Voted for: luck.

Jacob Long said:My eyes nearly popped out reading this

My take? There’s some truth here—but the author feels unfinished. They throw a ton of stuff at the wall, then kind of tap out right when they hit the important parts

Sure, I could spend my time analyzing trolls and forum drama too

But what's missing for me is the actual psychology behind why people stick around online

They touch on narcissism and personal emptiness, but it’s all way too thin—not enough facts or solid theory to back it up

Plus, they frame "attachment" to the forum—and I won't use their word "addiction"—as purely negative, which I don't think is right

Personally, I see this place as an ADDITION to my life, something that enriches things rather than draining them. You can find connections here you just can't get in the real world. Like our chat threads where groups of exes or specific niche circles form—where else in America are you going to grab coffee with a group of former flames? You can't exactly call a meeting for that in a suburban Starbucks...

etc.

Basically, the internet lets you join communities that don't exist in physical reality, and thanks to anonymity, you can talk about stuff you'd never bring up with your coworkers or neighbors

You can also sharpen your debating skills, which actually comes in handy in real life sometimes

Or work on a weakness through a sort of digital team-building, making you more confident offline

I think this place is great—it all just depends on how you use it

It seems to me that his understanding of the subject is rather superficial. It is quite evident, for instance, that he has never served as a moderator, an admin, or even owned a forum. Furthermore, he fails to mention ever actually getting to know fellow community members—those people who enrich your daily life in ways you'd never encounter in the real world, despite having so much in common.

Angela Morris said:This is not an isolated occurrence. Ever since I began studying psychology as a young girl around age twelve or thirteen, consuming books in an attempt to improve myself... I find myself once again losing the will to live. Besides, life lacks inherent meaning...

That hits on the core issue. 😉 When you hold yourself, others, and life itself to such impossibly high standards—standards that might be fundamentally unreachable—you end up stuck in a cycle of dissatisfaction, bitterness, and feeling lost. I suggest trying a different approach to how you perceive your own worth and the world around you. It might make all the difference. 🙂

rustymaker5 said:Yeah, true. Except in the real world, things never actually wrap up like that... It usually ends up being more like what I was saying about that whole "modern fairy tale" mess... 😛

To be honest, I actually felt a bit disappointed when he transformed into a prince. I much preferred him as the beast. 😁

How could I have possibly forgotten one of my absolute favorite fairy tales! 🙂 Beauty and the Beast! 😍

lonegardener said:Do you really think that matters? Is it actually okay to just write people off like that? Just try to imagine if some kind of superior aliens showed up—and I mean truly superior in every sense, from intelligence and logic to ethics and even physical capability. We’re talking about beings that would make us look like monkeys in comparison. Now, how would you feel if those hypothetical aliens decided to dismiss you in the exact same way as what was written above?

I’m never going to sign off on that. Even though I know for a fact that I’m more intelligent than most people out there, that doesn't mean I'm actually smarter—and it certainly doesn't mean I'm wiser. It’s entirely possible that some of those folks who seem totally hypnotized by this stuff grasp things that I simply can't, despite my "superior intelligence." Honestly, I’ve spent years trying to wrap my head around what "spirituality" even means, and I’ve never managed to get it. So, I see only two logical paths: either I accept that I’m fundamentally broken in that department, or I write off everyone preaching about spirituality as frauds, snake oil salesmen, or, at best, just plain naive. To me, the first option feels like the much cheaper logical bet.

Who exactly do you mean when you say "the majority"? Because honestly, it feels like most people my age share that exact same sentiment—that the masses are just mindless sheep. But where is this majority, anyway? I can't seem to find a single exemplary specimen of that crowd. What would you say are the defining traits of this hypnotized mob? What does a typical opinion from one of them actually look like?

Look, my uncle has been dealing with mental illness for twenty years now. My sister had one psychotic episode that landed her in a psychiatric ward in San Francisco for a few days—thankfully just a short stint. And a close family friend (the son of my late godfather) was diagnosed with schizophrenia; he spent nearly a year at a sanitarium in a Small town, USA. That late godfather was actually a psychiatrist himself. My father is a pathologist who frequently pulls shifts in neuropsychiatry, so he spends plenty of time around patients like those. Long story short, I’m more than acquainted with mental illness and various "disorders." You don't need to sell me on it. 😁

Don't you feel like you're a bit behind the times? What you're saying sounds like a progressive opinion from the 1800s. Nowadays, however, there are other sets of beliefs being imposed even more aggressively than religion, defining the parameters within which you're expected to "conform." For instance, I'm an atheist, yet I don't feel any real pressure from religious institutions (except perhaps from the aggressive ones, though they don't bother me—I find Hezbollah just as distasteful as the US Army). When some priest blathers on about what constitutes a sin, it simply doesn't affect me personally. Why should it? At worst, I hear it once every two weeks, if that. Why would that upset me today? If I were living two hundred years ago, maybe. But on the flip side, I feel certain social pressures today quite intensely; saying it happens "daily" would be an understatement. "Constantly" would be much closer to the truth.

Have you read George Orwell's *1984*? If not, read it—and prepare to weep. 😈

You can choose not to define others by their nationality or religion, and you can decide to treat everyone equally, but you cannot stop other people from categorizing you based on those same traits. Your own convictions won't change how they perceive you.

Quentin:

Besides, I’ve spent quite a long time trying to wrap my head around what "spirituality" actually means, and I have yet to succeed.

Perhaps you simply haven't been looking in the right places. 🙂

Quentin:

It seems to me that most people my age feel exactly the same way—that the majority of people are just mindless sheep. But where is this massive group then? I have yet to meet a single exemplary specimen of such a crowd.

An individual, by definition, thinks differently than the masses.