Posts by Jerry Martinez5

I went on Google and saw that Xanax was actually a milder psychotropic drug. I guess I just got my threads mixed up.

My apologies to everyone: please, could you check if a similar thread already exists before starting a new one? Maybe try using the search bar first. Thanks. 🙂

Well, if it worked for you, then obviously it’s good. I mean, you don't really need some expert's opinion on stuff like that; just listen to your own body, I guess. 🙂

Casey Ramos78 said:Huh, never really looked at it through that lens. For me, needing friends has always been an essential thing—like, a total necessity for my happiness. I just want someone to actually *know* me, because most people around here barely scratch the surface.

As for self-acceptance? Yeah, I’ve totally embraced who I am. But there’s a huge difference between accepting yourself and being accepted by others. I’m not going to bend over backward or fake my interests just to score some shallow, fake friendships. But hey, maybe that’s the only way to play the game, right?

Wrong. When you actually know yourself, you realize how similar—or different—you are to everyone else. No one can ever truly know you unless you've formed a deep, intimate connection based on mutual recognition. For instance, even your parents don't truly know you.

If you had actually accepted yourself completely, you would realize it doesn't matter if others accept you fully. Because if you met someone like Romney tomorrow and he became your friend, you wouldn't be able to accept him entirely, simply because you don't share all his life experiences. You just accept the parts you have in common, and that's that. 🙂

Trying to adapt to others to the point where you feel like you're betraying or faking yourself is the wrong approach. That's not how you make friends; that's just how you collect new disappointments.

Unlike when I was growing up, we have the internet now. When I was a kid, I was obsessed with Dostoevsky. Nobody I knew read him 😢. Today, I could probably find at least ten brilliant people online to hang out with. But it isn't necessary for the person who shares my love for Dostoevsky to also be into Sonic Youth.

swiftotter95 said:That’s exactly what I’m curious about—that lived experience. This process of peeling back the layers, figuring out how much effort it takes to shed your old self just to experience a non-neurotic version of giving and loving... if such a thing is even possible at all...

I don't think there are any set rules here. I've read plenty of stories on various forums about women who had traumatic childhoods but ended up in perfectly healthy marriages by their twenties. We aren't machines; everyone reacts differently, I suppose. It probably just comes down to how deep that mistrust runs.😢

Personally, I tell my boyfriend straight up: "I don't trust you at all." But now I realize that's just who I am—I'm wired with this deep-seated distrust. When I was younger, I used to blame everything else, thinking "life is just unfair" or "there are no good men left," etc. I didn't realize the issue was actually me. Now that I know, I try to make sure it doesn't dictate my behavior. I don't just react to every little thing; I question my own feelings first...

There's no rulebook. And you certainly won't nail it on the first try—or even the first relationship.

swiftotter95 said:Look, is there actually a book or some manual out there on how to learn self-respect and self-love? To be open, yet resilient enough to handle the hits.
I suppose everything really just boils down to a collection of bad patterns—habits formed by trauma or just living in toxic environments. And how long does it actually take for someone to move from just being aware of those causes and effects to actually adopting new habits???

You can find piles of self-help books on the subject, but I don't really buy into the idea that reading helps much. Our issue isn't intelligence; it's emotions and behavioral patterns, and those aren't going to change just because you had a new intellectual epiphany.😢

I've been working through this via psychotherapy for a few years now. I'm finally in a relationship. And trust me, it’s anything but easy.

But when it feels like change takes forever: what exactly does forever mean? Compared to the rest of your life. For people who didn't experience love when they should have—in early childhood—learning it as an adult is brutal. It's like being discovered in a cave at twenty and suddenly having to learn how to speak, read, write, and even hold your head up.😢

It's happening, though. Slowly, but it's happening.🙂

swiftotter95 said:I definitely recognize that feeling of hibernation. But for me, it isn't about a lack of meaning. It’s more of a deep, aching hunger for love—the sheer joy of it. Connecting with art and beauty provides me with this sense of radiance and transcendence that fills me up in certain moments... though connecting with people is a much harder road to travel.

Same goes for this too 👍👍👍

Nah, you aren't a lost cause 🙂

With people, you just have this excessive need for approval and affection. Yeah, I know how that ends 😢

I only know that one basic cliché: you won't get love from others if you don't love yourself first. You have to learn self-love first

And that applies to your initial goals, too: if art brings you joy, then enjoy it 🙂
Keep thinking: what else do I want? What do I actually like, what makes me happy? Then slowly start filling your life with those things

True hopelessness and despair happen when you feel absolutely nothing at all, when there isn't even any art or a sunny day that can pull even a slight emotion out of you, let alone Joy

swiftotter95 said:When I truly lock in and give it my absolute all, the results I see are honestly way above average...
The problem is, I tend to drift, just sort of lingering in this sort of aimless limbo where I lose all my drive...

Great. 👍👍

Look, it works. That’s vital. Here’s another practical tip: set smaller goals. Or better yet, just break your main goal down into bite-sized pieces. For instance, if you're aiming to graduate from medical school, that can feel like an impossibly distant, overwhelming mountain to climb—let's face it, med school is brutal. But if you instead celebrate passing the entrance exams, or find some small win in every single exam you clear... it changes things. Usually, we just end up killing ourselves with goals that are set way too high, which leads to total despair because we assume we're incapable before we even start. 😢

I find myself bragging every single time I actually tidy up my apartment. Or when I finally settle the utility bills. Even if I force myself to grab coffee with someone when I’d much rather just stay curled up on the couch at home. 😉

How do you feel about that approach—shorter goals and giving yourself a pat on the back?

You mentioned feeling "despair and low spirits" regarding love:
Are you just unlucky in love? When was the last time you actually had a "normal" relationship?

As for your goals: what kind of goals are we talking about here? That's a pretty broad statement. Is it a lack of self-confidence? How are you doing with setting small, manageable goals—things you can actually wrap up within a week?

You didn't give us enough detail to figure out what's actually going on with you.🤷

Depression? Are you absolutely certain there isn't even a single genuine emotion left? Maybe, I don't know, during your morning coffee when you see the fruit trees in bloom or catch a glimpse of a river that actually looks nice?

Or maybe an occasional urge to dance when a good song comes on?

Check out the threads on Depression, Anxiety, and similar stuff.

Casey Ramos78 said:Totally agree. But—man, I don't have the guts to do any of that, just moving through crowds of people who aren't alone. I’m terrified of getting that "weird look," because most people won't see some deep, intelligent guy with his own vibe—they'll just think I'm some total freak.

The thing is, the people who always have a huge group around them? They aren't interested in people like me. There’s zero chance they’d bother with someone when they’ve already got a full house. Everyone’s too full of themselves—they just assume I’m solo because I *want* to be.

I second everything Charlotte wrote, great post 👍

To add to that: why would anyone bother with you? For what reason? Maybe you should flip the script: why don't you bother with someone else?

And don't just look at the most popular kids who have a hundred friends. Look around you; surely there's someone out there with a shared interest (music, or whatever) who isn't totally obsessed with being social.

And think about the vibe you're putting out there. Whenever I hear someone say "everyone is conceited," I bet they're projecting this vibe: I'm tough, I'm the smartest one here, I don't need anyone. If you've built up that kind of armor, it’s only natural that people assume you're alone because that's clearly your choice. A little smile, a bit of effort... for example, if you're in high school, offer to let a teammate copy your homework. Just once, then a second time, then a third... eventually, they'll get used to your presence and start inviting you out. In college: be the first one to grab the study guides and mention you're happy to share them. At work: if you see someone struggling, just ask: "How's it going? Can I help?" 🙂 It's actually pretty easy to make contact with people when you actually want to. If you just sit at home thinking everyone else sucks—well, that's impossible.

Yeah, when you're high-strung, suddenly everyone around you gets 🙂

But you actually gave me an idea for a new thread: How the recession is cranking up everyone's anxiety levels

Specifically, how the economic downturn is fueling all these mental health issues. It feels like even the most level-headed people are starting to get anxious

crimsonhound80 said:Look, at its core—if you really strip away all the noise and the nonsense—the explanation is actually incredibly simple. I mean, it really is.

I mean, honestly—if a specialist completely misreads the situation and starts prescribing heavy-duty SSRIs, like Prozac or Paxil, to someone who doesn't actually need them... well, I think we have to admit that the potential for harm could easily outweigh any perceived benefits. It’s a serious risk, really—one that people don't talk about nearly enough.

Just at the mere mention of "severe restlessness" being linked to insomnia in a diagnosis—which, let's be honest, tells you everything you need to know—it’s safe to assume that serotonin levels are already way too high. In a situation like that, prescribing SSRIs is just asking for trouble, and I’d argue that even intense exercise can be counterproductive. It's one of those things where, I don't know, maybe some of the younger specialists get a little too eager to follow the standard playbook and end up wandering completely off course. They tend to miss the nuance, I guess.

One of those hallmarks of depression—and I guess we should really be talking about this more openly—is that constant, crushing sense of... well, let me think—it's that total loss of interest in everything you used to actually care about. You know? It’s not just being "sad" or having a bad week after a rough shift at work; it’s much deeper than that. It’s like someone turned the saturation down on your entire life until everything just feels gray and hollow. I mean, you could be sitting there, maybe looking out at the skyline in Chicago or just staring at a wall in your apartment, and even things that used to get you fired up—your hobbies, your friends, even a decent meal—they all just feel completely meaningless. It’s an exhausting sort of emptiness that stays with you, regardless of what's happening around you. It’s frustrating, honestly—how people try to brush it off as just being lazy, when in reality, it’s this massive, invisible weight pulling you under. Mood swings—honestly, where do we even start with that? It’s one of those things people toss around so casually these days, like it’s just some minor inconvenience you deal with between coffee breaks, but let me tell you, it can be an absolute rollercoaster if you're the one stuck in the driver's seat. One minute you're feeling relatively level-headed—just coasting through your day, maybe enjoying a quiet morning in Seattle or whatever—and then, out of nowhere, the floor just drops out from under you. Or worse, you're flying too high, feeling invincible, and then—*bam*—the crash hits. I guess I don't mean to get all deep and philosophical here, but it really does feel like living in a house where the thermostat is broken and someone else is constantly messing with the settings. You try to find your center, you try to stay steady, but it’s hard when your own brain feels like it has its own agenda—an agenda that usually involves making things difficult for you. Maybe it's stress, maybe it's sleep, or maybe it's just... life? It's exhausting, really. Just constant mental gymnastics trying to figure out why you suddenly want to scream at a wall or, conversely, why you feel like crying over a dropped spoon. It's a lot to manage, and I don't think people realize how much energy it takes just to stay "normal."It’s just... you know, it’s all this overwhelming helplessness—this deep, crushing sense of sadness that just won't quit. And then there's the constant crying, which I guess is inevitable when you're dealing with such low self-esteem and zero confidence. It’s like you're constantly being eaten alive by guilt and this nagging feeling that you're just... worthless. Honestly, it leads to this total lack of interest in anything at all, coupled with memory lapses and these erratic thought processes that I can barely even wrap my head around. It's exhausting, really.
After a few months of this, things can really start to spiral—you know? It’s like everything just starts hitting a nerve, and suddenly you're dealing with constant restlessness, this underlying irritability that won't quit, and then—bam—these sudden, intense outbursts of rage. It’s exhausting, I guess.

It’s actually pretty wild when you think about it—how depression isn't always that obvious, textbook sadness everyone expects. I mean, it’s interesting, really... one of those things people totally overlook. You can be dealing with undiagnosed depression and just feel this constant, crushing, chronic fatigue. It's like your battery is permanently stuck at five percent, no matter how much sleep you get or how many shots of espresso you down—which, let's be honest, usually doesn't help much anyway. It's easy to just write it off as being overworked or out of shape, but it might actually be something much deeper going on under the surface. I don’t know about you all, but I am absolutely struggling with this constant, bone-deep exhaustion lately—it's like I'm walking through waist-deep molasses every single day. Honestly, I can't quite put my finger on whether it's just the seasonal shift or if I've somehow forgotten how to actually function as a human being, but the lethargy is real. It’s that heavy, fog-filled kind of tired where even thinking about making a cup of coffee feels like a massive, uphill chore. Maybe it’s the weather? Or maybe—and I'm just speculating here—it’s the sheer amount of mental clutter we're all carrying around these days. I guess I just wanted to vent for a second because, man, some days the struggle to stay awake is a full-time job in itself. 😕 So, I’m finally getting some sleep—which, honestly, feels like a total victory compared to that endless cycle of insomnia I was stuck in—but now we’ve hit this other wall... it’s like, okay, you fixed one problem only to stumble straight into a bout of depression. It’s exhausting, really. And then, as if things weren't complicated enough, my weight is just all over the place—one minute I'm putting on pounds like they're nothing, and the next, I'm losing them just as fast. It's such a frustrating, seesaw existence, I guess. 😕 😁 It’s funny—and honestly, a little infuriating—how even your regular family doctor can completely miss the signs of depression. You go in there, maybe thinking you're just feeling a bit off or exhausted, and they just brush it off as stress or a lack of sleep. It happens more often than you'd think, I guess. They focus so much on the physical stuff—blood pressure, cholesterol, that whole routine—that they totally overlook what's actually going on upstairs. It's frustrating because if the primary care physician doesn't catch it, where are you supposed to turn? Maybe they just aren't trained to look deep enough, but still... it's a massive gap in the system.

I’ve been thinking—and maybe I'm just overanalyzing this, but—about those stretches of time when you're stuck in that deep, depressive fog. You know the feeling... where your energy just completely evaporates, your motivation hits zero, and you're basically just drifting through this heavy, melancholic haze? It’s exhausting. But, I guess what I'm trying to say is that there really is some merit to getting out there. I truly believe that people dealing with that specific lack of drive should try to get out for moderate walks—nothing crazy, just steady movement—and honestly, just spend as much time in the fresh air as possible. There's actual science behind it, too—serotonin levels in the brain are heavily influenced by being outdoors and soaking up some light. It might not be a magic cure, but man, staying cooped up inside only makes the darkness feel heavier. It’s worth a shot. I guess I’m just going to say it—it’s all happening in phases. It isn't some sudden, overnight explosion of chaos, though that's how it feels when you're caught in the middle of it—no, it’s more like a slow, creeping progression. One stage bleeds into the next, almost imperceptibly at first, and then suddenly—bam—you realize the entire landscape has shifted under your feet. It’s methodical, really. A bit unsettling if you ask me, but that's just how these things tend to unfold. I mean, honestly... I’m just feeling completely down today. It’s one of those days where everything feels like an uphill battle—you know? Like, you wake up hoping for a bit of momentum, maybe a decent cup of coffee from Starbucks, and instead, you just hit a wall immediately. I don't even know if it's the weather—though this gray sky isn't helping—or if it's just that general sense of existential dread that seems to be creeping into everything lately. Maybe I'm overthinking it, I guess, but it feels heavy. Just... heavy.
I’ve been thinking—and maybe I’m just overanalyzing this—but a huge chunk of what people call depression actually seems to stem from just being in terrible physical shape. It's that total lack of "vitality," you know? Like, your battery is just permanently stuck at five percent. And then—this is where people trip up—they try to fix it with intense, high-intensity cardio sessions out of nowhere. It sounds logical on paper, right? But honestly, jumping straight into heavy aerobic training when your body is already struggling can be a disaster. You end up dealing with these sudden dizzy spells, or feeling completely wiped out, or even that weird, jittery restlessness right when you’re trying to wind down for sleep. It’s like your nervous system just goes haywire—you get all "on edge" and anxious because you pushed too hard, too fast. I guess the point is, you can't just force energy into a system that's running on empty without causing some serious side effects.

I guess I’ve been sitting here staring at my screen for twenty minutes just trying to wrap my head around this whole concept of having too much serotonin—which, honestly, sounds like a total luxury until you actually start feeling the fallout from it. Most people spend their lives chasing that "happy chemical" like it's some kind of holy grail, but there’s a fine line between feeling balanced and being completely overwhelmed by your own brain chemistry, isn't there? It’s like... okay, imagine if you were driving a car and someone just floored the gas pedal while you were trying to cruise through a quiet neighborhood in suburbia—you wouldn't feel "efficient," you'd feel out of control. That’s basically what it feels like when things get out of whack. It’s not just about being "too happy"—that’s a total misconception—it’s more like this jittery, restless, almost manic state where your system just won't shut up. You know, that sensation where your skin feels a little too tight? I don't know, maybe I'm overthinking it, but it seems like we live in this culture that's obsessed with optimization, constantly pushing us to be "on" all the time, and then we act shocked when our biological wiring starts glitching out because we pushed it too far. It’s exhausting, really. Just an endless cycle of trying to find that perfect equilibrium that probably doesn't even exist for most of us. It happens all the time—honestly, it feels like it's happening more often than it should—but I suppose that’s just the way things go lately, isn't it? It's a constant occurrence... maybe even a bit too frequent if you ask me. It’s not always the case—honestly, it varies—but sometimes it just triggers this intense hyperactive streak and a sense of restlessness that's hard to shake. I guess, if you're looking at it from a certain angle, that's actually kind of useful? Like, maybe it's worth leaning into that energy to actually get things done. So, I’ve been sitting here thinking—probably too much, if I’m being honest—about this whole eternal debate regarding strength training versus cardio. You know, that endless loop of fitness influencers arguing over which one actually matters more? It’s exhausting, really. On one hand, you’ve got the pure strength enthusiasts—the folks who live for the heavy lifting, the squat racks, and that specific kind of muscle fatigue that makes you feel like you might actually collapse if you don't sit down immediately. And then, on the other side, there’s the aerobic crowd... the runners, the cyclists, the people who find peace in a long, steady jog through a park in somewhere like Seattle or Denver. I guess what I’m trying to get at—and bear with me, I know this is getting a bit long-winded—is that people tend to treat them like they're mutually exclusive. Like, if you lift weights, you've somehow "failed" at being a runner, or if you run marathons, you’re just going to be "skinny-fat" or whatever term they're using this week to make people feel insecure. It’s nonsense. Absolute nonsense. In my humble, somewhat agitated opinion, it’s all about balance. If you only do cardio, sure, your heart will be happy, but you’ll lack that functional stability—that grit—that comes from resistance training. But if you *only* lift? Well, you might look great in a mirror, but you’ll probably be winded just walking up a flight of stairs at a Starbucks. Maybe the answer isn't choosing a side, but rather accepting that we need both to actually function as healthy humans in this fast-paced society. Or maybe I'm just overthinking it again. It’s a messy, complicated intersection, and frankly, I think the obsession with picking a "camp" is just more noise in an already noisy world.It seems like you might have cut off mid-sentence there—just a fragment! If you were trying to make a point about how things ought to be, or perhaps venting about some bureaucratic nonsense that needs to happen *so that* something else can actually function... well, I’m all ears. Please, go ahead and finish that thought. I've got plenty of time, and frankly, I could probably use the distraction from my own endless circling thoughts. So, I’ve been sitting here thinking about this whole "excess serotonin" thing—you know, that idea that having too much of the good stuff might actually be a problem? It sounds almost ridiculous when you first hear it, doesn't it? Like, how can you possibly have too much happiness or too much stability? But then you start digging into the science, or even just looking at how people act, and it gets... complicated. I guess what I mean is, there's this fine line between feeling balanced and being completely chemically overwhelmed. It’s like if you were driving down a highway in, say, Chicago—everything is moving, the flow is perfect—but then suddenly everyone starts accelerating way too fast, and instead of a smooth ride, you just have this chaotic, jittery mess where nobody can react properly because the momentum is just too high. That’s what it feels like when the brain's chemistry gets out of whack. You aren't just "happy"; you're potentially facing things like serotonin syndrome, which sounds like something straight out of a bad sci-fi flick, but it's real enough. I don't know, maybe I'm overthinking it—I tend to do that—but there’s something deeply unsettling about the notion that our very sense of well-being can be turned against us if the levels tip too far in one direction. It makes you realize how delicate the whole system really is. We spend all this time trying to fix deficiencies, trying to climb out of the hole, but we rarely talk about the danger of overshooting the mark. It's a bit of a paradox, isn't it? To seek balance only to find that the balance itself is a razor-thin edge. Spent it all. Just... gone.

That’s probably the simplest way to put it—and honestly, I don't even want to get us started on the whole norepinephrine mess or those GABA hormones... which, if we're being real, are also deeply tied into the depression cycle. It's a rabbit hole, really.

It’s honestly such a massive misconception—and frankly, quite a frustrating one—that serotonin levels in depression are always just "low" or that it’s nothing but a constant state of being "down." That simply isn't the reality of it. People act like it’s this one-dimensional downward slide, but they're missing the forest for the trees. As I was trying to get across earlier—and I feel like I'm repeating myself here, but it bears repeating—the symptoms aren't limited to just melancholy or lethargy. There is such a thing as hyperactive depression, too. It’s erratic, it’s messy, and it doesn't always look like someone sitting in a dark room crying. It can be restless, agitated, and completely overwhelming in a totally different way. I guess people just prefer the simpler, incorrect version because it's easier to digest, but it's just not how it works.

Jerry Martinez5Well, there you have it—there’s your answer to that question you were asking.

Look, I guess what I’m trying to say is—and please bear with me here because this gets a bit messy—that trying to explain how neurotransmitters actually trigger depression is incredibly complicated. Honestly? It’s a massive, tangled web. To give a truly complete or even remotely precise answer in such a simple way... well, it’s almost impossible. It’s just too layered for a quick fix, I suppose.

I guess I’m reading this for the third time just to actually wrap my head around it. 😁

Can we just conclude, in the most basic terms possible, that moderate physical activity and getting some fresh air actually work? I guess. Maybe. Hey everyone.I guess you had depression or something while... Intense physical activity. I guess you could call it that. Maybe. For some, sure. For others? Not so much.

I was hoping I’d actually get a recipe from you instead of having to learn everything the hard way. I guess that's just how it goes. 😢)

crimsonhound80 said:Exactly!

People dealing with what looks like masked depression—you know, those who aren't showing the typical symptoms—really ought to stick to light exercise. Nothing intense, nothing high-impact, because honestly? You might just end up making your mental state even worse.

There’s this huge misconception out there—and I see it all the time—that crushing it at the gym or doing high-intensity workouts actually helps depressed patients by supposedly "boosting serotonin."

But it's actually the exact opposite; you basically burn through your serotonin when you engage in intense physical exertion.

That brief little "high" people feel after a grueling workout? That's just a temporary spike from endorphins, better circulation, and getting more oxygen to the brain. It's fleeting.

High-intensity stuff is really meant for folks whose diagnosis includes restlessness, insomnia, or hyperactivity—basically things caused by having *too much* serotonin activity.

It’s pretty straightforward, really; you need a specialist doctor to figure out which category you actually fall into before you go charging off into any "intense training" regimes.🙂

Hmm, first I've heard of that! 🤔

Look, I'm no expert, but this is interesting. Back when I was going through a rough patch, I felt this massive urge to walk—like, hours of power walking every single day. I tried doing it again recently, and honestly, it just wiped me out. 😢

I don't quite get it: so it helps one minute, then "depletes serotonin" the next? 😕
Is there some kind of metric or way to actually figure out our own limits?

Casey Ramos78 said:So I was supposed to head downtown today to pick some stuff up—that was the plan, anyway—but then total panic set in. Just this overwhelming dread at the thought of walking through the city streets all by myself again. It drags all those old memories right back to the surface. Honestly, I’ve changed so much lately and I don't feel like that pathetic version of myself anymore, but heading out alone feels like admitting nothing has actually changed. I’m terrified of being alone. Is it just me haunted by the past, or does nobody actually enjoy their own company?

I’ve had these "identity crises"—which is really just code for those moments where it hits you like a freight train that you have absolutely nobody, zero real friends, and you just want to end it all because the loneliness is too much. It hurts. Loneliness is hands down the most painful thing in the world.

A quick thought on everyone else: Why are people so terrified of ending relationships that clearly don't work? They just can't face being alone. That’s my take, anyway. I honestly don't get how some people on this forum could look me in the eye a year ago and say, "Hey, why not just be single? It’s great! You can do this and that!" How can anyone find loneliness "good"? I seriously don't get it, because I can't stand it for another second.

Lately, I've been trying to convince myself that I'm not actually alone, so now I'm scared that if I go downtown solo, it'll prove that this whole past year was just a wash. The truth is, I still don't have anyone to go out with, which just confirms I'm still isolated despite all these imaginary friends I've managed to make.

p.s. When I say "downtown," I just mean hitting the mall—there's no other reason I'd be forced to wander around town.

You're right: people fear breaking up even in terrible relationships because, apparently, being alone is the ultimate nightmare. A husband hits his wife? Well, she thinks staying is better than being solo. A woman rejects intimacy for three years straight and meets every kind word with a fight? Well, being alone is worse. 👎

The only way—and I mean the absolute only way—to actually have a healthy relationship is to first learn how to be okay on your own. If you can't do that, you'll either spend your life lonely against your will, or you'll jump into a relationship where you end up a victim of abuse. And trust me, that's going to feel a lot worse than what you're dealing with now.

What are you actually looking for in a partner? What do you think a girl could expect from you? What can you actually provide? You're depressed, but you think you'll suddenly become witty, tender, fun, and warm just because she's there? No. You won't. Be certain of that. In a relationship, you'll just be the same person you are now—unhappy. The only way to find happiness in a partnership is to figure out how to be happy by yourself first.

How? It's a grind. 🤷
I pay a huge chunk of my paycheck for it: psychotherapy. 👍

I learned long ago how to walk around the city by myself, go to the movies alone... grab coffee alone, eat lunch alone. It's harder for women than men, let's be honest, right? (And yeah, I'm not single anymore 🙂

Amanda Myers3 said:Lately, now that the weather has finally warmed up, I spend about six hours a day on the move. Still, studying remains impossible. I feel great during the activity, but the second I need to settle down, my brain shuts off. For instance, if I get home and sit down in front of the TV to catch a show, there's no chance. I either give up immediately or just end up mindlessly snacking through a bag of chips. Or I try to multitask with something else, like posting on this forum 😛.
As for studying, I find I'm most productive in the early morning, from about 7:00 AM until noon. That's before my brain starts overthinking everything. I try to make the most of that window.

That’s solid: four hours of studying a day! 👍

You mentioned you're active for six hours a day, but how intense are we talking? Have you tried pushing yourself harder—like brisk walking, running, or hitting the gym?

But you said it yourself: the movement suits you 👍

Could you maybe pick up the pace: just walk xx miles every single day at a brisk speed? And then, I guess, try studying once you get home?

Elvis Presley

Rebecca Scott3 said:You see cases where someone was basically raised to believe the world owes them everything they ever wanted... and then they hit a wall when they realize that "no" applies to them too.
...they just don't respect other people. They move through life thinking everyone else exists solely to cater to their whims.

...I was talking to someone about a case involving the assault of a sex worker....
...and he actually argued that it wasn't even rape. His logic? He claimed it’s just her job, so she’s obligated to serve him. He thought if she refused, he had every right to just take what he wanted by force.
...this guy, let's call him Mike, was such a total mama's boy. He did whatever his mother said, and she treated him like he was the center of her universe—but honestly, she was just using him for emotional support and money.
...he used to get so worked up at her for dating anyone after his father walked out on the family... though he could never actually admit that was the real issue. Instead, he’d just act all indignant toward these random guys circling his mom, acting like they were beneath him when they really weren't.
I wouldn't be surprised if there was an Oedipal complex at play here... who knows.
...but he exclusively sought out sex workers or girls who had a string of short-lived flings and seemed a bit flighty.
....He never truly grew up. To the public, he was charming and smooth, but underneath that veneer, he was just a deeply frustrated, angry man.

Yeah, I guess that’s why marital rape wasn't even a crime here until recently. Like, a wife was basically just her husband's property, so his behavior was considered normal. Thankfully, it's actually a felony now, just like if he grabbed some random girl in a park in Chicago.

cosmicpilot23 said:In my view, I’ve never fully bought into the idea that everything boils down to sexual attraction. There are a million different drivers—the need for control, power trips, revenge, deep-seated misogyny, and so on.
I’m certain those factors play a role, and for some offenders, that is precisely what drives them.
However, I am also convinced that for others, the motivation is purely sexual desire. We all know that not every woman is "easy" or willing to sleep with just anyone. Sometimes, someone simply wants them, and if they can't get their way through persuasion, they resort to force.

Rape isn't about sex. It’s about violence. He doesn't necessarily desire the girl; he wants to punish her, humiliate her, and prove his own power. If he actually liked her, he'd ask her out for coffee or try to flirt with her. How else would you explain why elderly women are so often targeted? Is it sexual desire? Because they rejected him?

velvetsailor26, did you actually bother reading the instructions for that medication? It usually says they take a few weeks to even start working, I guess.

Sandra Parker3 said:Why blame "the system"?
Can we not point to specific people who are actually at fault here? The older Korade clearly had political backing, and once it became obvious that something was seriously wrong with him, everyone suddenly remembered all those various outbursts and whatnot...
So why spread the blame across the entire society? Whoever protected the father should carry part of the blame for creating the environment that shaped both him and his son. Honestly, those who shielded him and covered things up should be held accountable, not some abstract "system." It's easy to hide behind that label.

It’s like public property that belongs to everyone and therefore to no one, which is why it falls apart; there's no point in talking about collective responsibility. Why blame the system? Why can't we start with individual accountability?

The "system" exists because we all carry a piece of the burden. We just stay silent and accept it. Did your parents actually stand up when Harmon turned public assets into state property and then sold off apartments to his inner circle for pennies? And now your generation is stuck paying half their paycheck for those same units—apartments your parents (or people slightly older than them) snagged for the price of maybe six months' salary?

I think we’re all accomplices here. The solution would be what you're suggesting: pinpointing specific responsibility. Your parents shouldn't carry the same weight as the people sitting in Congress when those laws were passed.

That "decaying" property is just nationalized wealth that nobody wants to return to the actual owners. But were those owners even legitimate? Was it fair?

Instead of fixing old injustices, they just keep piling on new ones.