Posts by Jerry Martinez5

David Wilson12 said:My take on people who act like mental health issues don't exist? Honestly, I think those are the exact types who actually have some serious issues themselves 😁

I agree.

But honestly, so many people have mental health struggles. Take me, for example. Then recently, I heard this mom talking about her daughter—the girl is supposedly dealing with depression, so the mom has been supporting her for years. Because of this "depression," she couldn't finish college or get a job.

The kid has a boyfriend, a social life, looks great, goes out all the time. When I ask if she's seeing a therapist, everyone looks at me like I'm an idiot. Obviously, she isn't. 🙏

In my opinion, that isn't depression; it's just laziness. With therapy and maybe some medication, she probably could have finished school and found work. It’s much easier to let your mom pay the bills. Do I think she's mentally healthy? Not even close. If she were, she wouldn't let her mother meddle in her life like that for so long.

Years ago, back when I lived in a small town, I knew people with the toughest diagnoses—schizophrenia being the worst in my book—who held down steady jobs and functioned perfectly fine every day. When things got bad, they’d just take a month or two off on medical leave. If people actually had decent support systems, even those with severe conditions could lead active lives. (Though, I guess for most, that's impossible, unfortunately.)

A healthy person will never truly understand you, but then again, you don't vent to them. Things are harder for people with struggles, but that doesn't mean it's impossible.

Carl Thompson6 said:That’s a killer comparison... but honestly, why would anyone even bother throwing money down the drain like that? Whether you're talking to some random fortune teller or a shrink, there's zero guarantee of anything.

I totally agree! 👍

And honestly, I’m just glad we aren't seeing some massive craze for therapists here. I end up paying peanuts for top-tier therapy. There's no way I could afford a therapist like this in a place like New York or LA. My hair salon visits actually cost more than my sessions.👍

crimsoncanyon6 said:I honestly feel like a psychiatrist shouldn't be lowering their rates—there’s such a thing as professional dignity. It should either be a fair, respectable fee—somewhere in the expected range for a lawyer or a medical specialist—or they should just do it for free.
Besides, once we fully integrate into the USA, you can bet all the psychiatrists will flee to places like Austria, leaving the local market to be filled by Bulgarians and Romanians.

$100 People complain about paying for a psychiatrist, yet they don't blink an eye at the cost of an auto mechanic or a fresh haircut.
🤷

We've already gone over this in several threads. Though, you weren't around for them. I guess I agree with you. Anyone who actually believes a psychiatrist can help them will be able to weigh the cost—deciding whether it's better to buy a new car, book a summer vacation, or cut back on going out to pay for psychotherapy instead.

Nowhere in the world is private therapy considered a privilege for the lower classes. They'll always prefer believing the world is unfair and life is just miserable rather than realizing there's a cure for their problems. They'd rather spend their monthly budget on alcohol than on therapy. 🤷

People who don't see the value won't pay.

Rebecca Scott3, did you actually do it?

how did they react?

a close friend of mine was dealing with a massive mess lately. she asked for my take on things. I went through hell trying to explain where I thought she was going wrong. she took it personally.

this happens to me all the time. I know you aren't supposed to give advice unless someone specifically asks for it—I've learned my lesson there. But she called me and asked. Still, the second I didn't agree with her, she treated it like a personal attack.

I guess I probably react the same way. People don't actually want help; they just want to vent.

driftinggull21 said:During an initial hospitalization, CT scans, EEGs, EKGs, and blood work are considered routine diagnostics.

Exactly. If you end up being admitted, it’s pretty much expected that they’ll rule out any organic causes first.

Carl Thompson6 said:Did you get it done already, or are you just getting started?

No, I haven't thought of that.

Why? Because it happens maybe twice a year where I feel like I might pass out for a few minutes? If this were happening daily, I’d definitely be Googling symptoms. Honestly, it's easier for me to just assume it's a panic attack, even if my psychiatrist won't call it that.

rapidgull3 said:It stands to reason that an initial psychiatric evaluation should include a brain CT scan to ensure the organ itself is functioning properly. Only once organic causes are ruled out should psychiatrists and psychologists proceed with psychotherapy. Otherwise, therapy risks being futile and medication intake becomes pointless if there is no effect.

And what psychological problems are we talking about here?

It isn't like anxiety always has an organic cause. There’s really no reason to demand a brain CT scan if you're visiting a psychiatrist because you're too terrified to leave the house—which makes getting to work or college harder by the day—and you've ended up fighting with everyone you know.

But, once I had a panic attack (extreme weakness, terror, feeling like I was passing out), my psychiatrist did tell me I should get all the tests done first to rule out anything physical.

If my current life problem is just spending way too much time on this forum, I highly doubt anyone is going to send me for a CT scan.

Rebecca Scott3, what's the endgame here if you write her a letter or just tell her off?

What's the point, really? What do you actually gain? Is your friend even going to be grateful?

I guess people don't really make mistakes. They just do what they think is best. So they suffer, and suffer, and suffer. Instead of seeing the obvious, they just keep doing the exact same thing. In my experience, people hate being told they're wrong. Your friend is probably convinced she's 100% right. It’s not the guys, the world, or fate at fault.

You can only help someone if they actually ask for it. And even then, most people just want validation, not a lecture. 🤷

The post from Jezebel is actually pretty reasonable and moderate. If you think it’s "disgusting," you're probably just projecting. I don't see any deleted posts here, for what it's worth.

Anyway, this kind of debate doesn't belong in Women's Corner; it belongs in Politics. And even there, people just end up spewing mindless hate.

If we want to stop people from starving, fifty pounds of flour a month should be plenty $83.

These folks are pulling in two salaries.

Did your parents ever, and I mean seriously EVER, go hungry?

And why on earth would you think they would now?

If you keep this up, it’s going to be pretty obvious that YOU are the one with the issue. You, not them. They’re doing fine; that's just the life they chose. And right now, you're the one choosing yours.

Stop throwing money at them. You know as well as I do that it isn't helping; if anything, it just enables them to keep living exactly how they have been.

I guess you can't exactly take your brothers under your wing forever. That’s just not your responsibility.

Your job is to get yourself on your feet and actually live your own life. Maybe by setting that example, you'll actually be helping your brothers more than the cash ever did.

Danco, what's the status? Did you land a new buyer yet? You have to start paying back that loan on September 1st, so how are you planning to handle that?

Bumping this thread. In my opinion, this is the best discussion we have on the US recession and all the shifts we've dealt with since 2008.

Elizabeth Harris11 said:There’s plenty of it out there—stories about credit and loans that are honestly just heartbreaking. A friend of mine once took out a mortgage through Antunović to buy an apartment. The kicker? She never even got the keys. But get this—for fifteen years, she’s been dutifully making every single payment toward that loan. It’s a total nightmare. This woman has been going to work every single day for fifteen years, and for what? Not a cent to show for it. And she isn't just anyone, either—she’s a mechanical engineer, and I’m pretty sure she even finished her Master’s degree in the meantime.

My acquaintance "bought" an apartment from Antunović because it was significantly cheaper than any other new construction. It's just a story about how naive people can be; I have a colleague who fell for the same thing. Even today, you still see listings for apartments that are 20-30 percent cheaper than everything else. Any sane person knows that's a scam.

darkorca96 said:Reading what Lawrence Allen49 wrote, it seems to suggest that when life is going smoothly, we rarely bother with the whole "personality" deep dive. I couldn't agree more. It usually takes some sort of significant shake-up—a real gut punch—before we even start asking who we actually are, what we stand for, or why we turn out the way we do (speaking from experience😢).

Digging through the past is fine, I suppose, provided the goal is understanding our own makeup. But personally? That excavation can go on forever. It’s much simpler just to accept yourself as you are. Though, there's a catch: most of us don't even realize who we actually are😕
.
There’s this psychological theory suggesting we all have five core needs wired into our DNA: survival, love and belonging, power, autonomy, and stimulation. If you can figure out how much weight you give to each one, you’ll pretty much have a blueprint of your identity.

Personality dictates our actions; we tend to act in alignment with our nature when things get real. You can't fundamentally rewrite your personality, but you can certainly adjust your behavior. And let’s be clear: changing how you act isn't just putting on an act, as long as you're doing it to improve your own life. So, it's not about other people, it's about ourselves.

One more thing (not my thought, but I'm on board): the only person you truly have any control over is yourself. I'd add, unfortunately😢

As for how others perceive us: is it based on "personality" or behavior? Obviously, it's behavior. And that is something you can actually change.

I don't even know what counts as "personality." There might be some core essence that stays the same forever, but there is a massive amount of stuff that is subject to change. Someone could be a lazy college student who lives for the party scene, then turn around and become 100% dedicated to their career. They could be a terrible son and later become a devoted father. How many times have you heard: "The war changed him completely." Or—he fell apart when his wife left him. Or—he turned his life around after he quit his job.

I think people have the capacity to change. Some take advantage of it, some don't, and some are forced into it by outside circumstances.

Good grief, how much chatting goes on here! 🤣

I actually considered applying for a moderator position because... well, I spend a massive amount of my time on this forum, and I’ve noticed that everything really depends on who the moderator happens to be. You start a great thread, but then it immediately devolves into endless chatter and mockery? A mod can just delete that and the actual discussion continues perfectly. Or someone asks a genuinely good question, but people start tearing them apart? If you step in and take their side, the whole direction of the debate shifts.

All of that holds up as long as you're actually logged in, which is a pretty great way to pass the time, I guess. But once the joy of forum life gets crushed by 15 pending reports waiting to be handled, you cool off pretty fast. That’s probably why mods rotate out so quickly. As long as there are plenty of users with over 1,000 posts, I don't see any reason for the owners to pay for moderators.

If there are 30 moderators, there are at least 300 others dreaming of being one. And there are probably 3,000 more who wouldn't say no if they were offered the job.

wirednomad42 said:and then what once I answer those—just pretend it's actually happening? 🙂

Well, once you answer them, you finally figure out how you actually want to live—what you consider worth living for. So, just act accordingly.

If we’re always blaming everyone else for why we didn't do this or that, we're just going to stay miserable and frustrated. And then we pass all that baggage onto our kids, which is obviously a disaster.

What a disaster. Total mess. I guess we’re just dealing with pure chaos now. Maybe that's just how it goes. Typical. kaže:
Cool. 😁
I guess I'll just go ahead and start posting like that right now! 👍
So, where am I even supposed to start? 🤔

Dammit. 🤷

What exactly am I looking for? I guess that’s the question.
What am I actually into? I guess that’s the question.
If the world actually operated the way I wanted it to, I’d behave differently... maybe.

I guess I’ll just leave it at that. 🙂

wirednomad42 said:My whole life. Everything. Always.

btw—Jerry Martinez5 started a thread where people talk about how they've either left their parents behind or are planning to—just cutting ties because things are so rough. And those parents... I bet they actually think they're doing what's best, that they love their kids and provide everything. Honestly, I just don't get where or why that massive disconnect happens 😕 —that was the point of the thread, not a lecture about me and my car. I really don't care to talk about myself or my ride, actually 😢

The misunderstanding comes from parents wanting what they *think* is best for the child. For them, not necessarily for the kid alone.

For example, parents might work themselves to death to "provide everything," while the kid ends up miserable because there's zero time spent together.

I suppose the core issue is that nobody views the child as an individual with their own unique desires and feelings. They assume a young child knows nothing and that they hold all the answers. So, they suffocate them from day one, convinced it's actually love. They don't ask questions; they don't listen. Maybe a dad suffered because his own father never took him to MLB games, so now he drags his son along even though the kid couldn't care less about baseball. And the dad feels proud of being a "good father" simply because, unlike his old man, he isn't out causing trouble. 🤷

Secondly, parents act based on their own limited experiences—what they saw in their own families or from their friends. Basically, their perspective is pretty narrow. Even when they mean well, they're stuck.

In short, there's no magic formula. I guess the best way to raise a happy, confident kid is to just be that kind of person yourself.

wirednomad42 said:I mean—am I obligated to give everything I have just so she can have it all—her own room, an education if she wants it, food on the table as long as she's killing it in school, healthy meals every single day...
Am I obligated to be "on" for her 24/7, or can I actually take a breather and read a book when I feel like it—even if she’s currently demanding I play with her? 😁
Here’s the reality: she’s two. She’s at daycare all day while I’m working. It's not like I'm sitting around doing nothing or coasting through some easy government job—I'm out there grinding. 😁
We get maybe two hours together a day, tops. In those two hours, she expects me to play, bathe her, dress her, make dinner... and she's exhausted. So am I. But then she starts screaming because things aren't going her way, and honestly, that drains me even more. I find myself counting down the minutes until she finally goes to sleep just so I can have some peace.
So I'm wondering—is it okay to live like this? It's not her fault I'm pulling ten-hour shifts and feeling wiped out. Part of me thinks I should've managed my time and money better so I could work less and actually have some patience left over for her. 😢
But how? If I quit my job to stay home, sure, I might be in a better mood, but then what? How do we pay the bills? 😁
I just feel guilty—like I failed at organizing my life properly. 🤷

Basically—am I allowed to have a life that doesn't revolve entirely around her? Am I allowed to demand some "me time" and occasionally act a little irresponsible or immature? 😁

Mostly fine, yeah. But can you do it without making mistakes? Why not?

You aren't. Your obligations are simple:
- Make sure the kid has a roof over their head and stays warm and dry.
- Provide enough food and clean clothes.
- Ensure they go to school regularly.

That's the job. If you can't manage that, put the child in foster care.

As for everything else... maybe accept that nobody has ever raised a perfectly happy child who grows up without any trauma. Little kids have a hundred times more energy than adults. Even if someone else cooks and cleans for you, you still won't be able to play with them as much as they want because you'll be absolutely exhausted.

There is no recipe. Sometimes you'll play with the kid even when your head is spinning, and sometimes you'll go read a book. A mother who sacrifices every single one of her needs for her child ends up frustrated and miserable, which means the child won't be happy either. Instead, she'll just end up raising a little tyrant. 🤷

wirednomad42 said:Sometimes you just have to pick the lesser of two evils. 🤷
Look, a teenager probably hasn't a clue what they want before heading off to college—so parents just push them into *anything* just to get them enrolled and out of high school. Let's be real here—how many people actually take a gap year and then come back to actually finish a degree?
To me, it feels better to force a direction than to just throw up your hands and give up entirely 🤷
I mean, if they enroll in something, they can always switch majors later—or decide to become a garbage man—but at least the kid got a shot. They were encouraged. Someone cared.
Or am I totally off base? 😁

I agree with this. You push them to enroll in anything, and when they finally grow up, they can change their major. If after two years they're still whining about wanting this or that, fine—let them finish something first, then they can choose. There are plenty of kids who have zero direction anyway. Just get them into a program that won't be an impossible struggle given what they already know, and that's five.