Posts by Jerry Martinez5

I changed the title because I thought it fit the content better. When I saw the old one, I honestly thought some woman going through menopause had wandered in here looking for advice 😉

Maybe you could suggest a different title? It can be changed again

It’s pretty ugly when these forums aren't moderated and anyone can just attack anyone else. Especially if you get swarmed by a whole pack of them. But I guess you aren't alone there? It helps a lot if you have your own social circle—that way, when someone comes for you, others step up to defend you. You look out for each other

But if that forum isn't moderated, isn't it enough that you can just snap back at her? She calls you a chicken, you call her an old lady 🙂

Honestly, the best move is to just walk away from that kind of environment. Even on this Forum, I don't post everywhere; the vibe isn't the same in every corner

bluewalker33 said:I've been watching this weird pattern pop up on various message boards over the years, especially those smaller communities where people act like they actually know each other in real life... It’s this specific phenomenon where older women get incredibly jealous of younger ones. They start hurling insults like "clueless" or "airheads" just because the younger girls are more naive—which doesn't mean they aren't smart, most are just college students. You rarely see this in the real world because people don't have the guts to say that stuff to someone's face unless there's an actual argument involved.

The absolute worst version of this is when women who haven't posted in ages suddenly resurface just to lash out at a younger woman for no reason at all. Then they act totally shocked when someone reacts, and if the target is sensitive, it just turns into a massive flame war. Usually, these are women who think they're "intellectuals," but honestly, acting like this just proves how petty and insecure they really are.

Have you guys run into this on forums? And what should younger girls do when they're targeted, especially since this is all happening in some virtual space that shouldn't even matter compared to real-life problems? Does this specific trend even have a name? We should probably name this recurring Democratic Party trend, since it's basically non-existent in reality, but thrives among online cowards...

So, is it better to just walk away and ignore it when someone starts calling you names? Is being indifferent the best move, even when a whole pack of older women decides to gang up on one person?

I just hope that as I get older, I never sink to that level of attacking young students online. I truly hope so, because I’d hate to be called an old hag, though I guess I’d be asking for it if I were the one doing the attacking. It's just the natural order of things—new generations come along, and it's not their fault if the older crowd is dealing with failed marriages, failed ambitions, or just a generally failed life...

report them to the moderators.

I haven't been in that exact spot, but I guess the best way to react to any kind of attack on a forum is simple: ignore it and report it to the mods.

Ignoring them is a powerful tool on a forum. Trolls and provocateurs basically feed on angry reactions to their stupidity. If they hit a wall of silence, they usually get bored and go find somewhere else to be miserable.

feralbadger2 said:Look, I’m no lawyer or anything, but if your ex is working, she can probably manage just fine on her own diet and without your child support. You should look into filing through the courts to get those payments reduced—pay her less. Sure, she'll be absolutely livid, but if she can survive without your full support now, she can survive when you scale it back too.

Again, I'm not an attorney or whatever, this is just something that crossed my mind. Everyone else has already weighed in on the roommates and all that other stuff...

That won't work. Child support is the kid's right, and it doesn't matter how much she makes at her job.

What kind of garbage should I delete, Lisa Lopez6?

mistyseal11 said:Theoretically, sure. But in reality? Not a chance.

It’s like there are a billion things going wrong and only one single thing actually working right.

wrong 😉

Life isn't like shifting gears in a car. You have x number of right moves and x number of wrong ones. And honestly, nobody can tell you with any certainty what your choices today will actually do to you in five or ten years—unless you count those notorious types, like the one who started this thread.😁

Why does it matter if nobody taught you how to live? I guess you're supposed to just listen to your gut. What do you love? What do you enjoy? Just follow your heart, I suppose.

Jonathan Barnes7 said:He gets exactly what he wants! Every single time I try to walk away and tell him it's over, he won't let me go. He can't function without me, and honestly, he doesn't want anyone else. It’s not like there aren't plenty of other girls circling him for a casual hookup, so clearly, the issue is that he still isn't ready for a real commitment—even though I am. I went through my own rough patch, dealt with it on my own, and moved forward. Sure, I still have traumas, and I always will, but they're in the background now and I handle them perfectly fine. At the end of the day, I've been alone much longer than he has; my wounds aren't nearly as fresh. There are moments when I lose my cool and just unload everything on him... moments where I think I'm never speaking to him again. But then... my intuition is sharp. I know things, I sense things, I predict things. And regarding this specific situation, I don't have a bad feeling, but I have no idea what's coming next. Every time we fight, whether it's face-to-face or over text, I knew it would be okay. I knew he wouldn't just kick me to the curb. Yet, here we are, stuck in neutral while he stays in this mental rut. I don't know if I should keep putting up with this. He won't let me help him because he insists he has to deal with his issues solo. And honestly, how could I even help? Aside from telling him I'll be right there by his side if he lets me in—and promising I won't bail on him just because I get a bad feeling, which is exactly what happened to his ex—there isn't much else. Based on bits and pieces I've managed to squeeze out of him, I can't get him to actually talk about what happened. He hits a wall every time the topic comes up. He just deflects, starts messing around, playing with my hair like some little kid... it's either a complete shutdown or he turns it into a joke to avoid the conversation!! 😢 I've always been able to reach people. I can pull the truth out of anyone and help them through things just by talking. It's no wonder my career path is leaning toward psychology; I have a knack for people, and that's exactly what helped me survive the crisis from my last toxic relationship and the breakup after that!!! But with him? I hit a brick wall every single time!! 😢 This has never happened to me before. I had a couple of guys in the past I was willing to commit to, but one told me straight up before we even started that he didn't want a relationship. With the other, we went out a few times and he said he couldn't do commitment either... he wasn't leading me on. I actually ended things with the first guy because I wanted more than just sex, and we stayed in that limbo for a few months. I knew where I stood; it was the same thing—he was just dealing with baggage from an ex. But with this guy, I really don't know. You can see he cares. Sex isn't just sex here; there's way more to it. But he's just not ready for a serious relationship... and it's starting to kill me. I constantly wonder if I'm wasting my time. I told him I was leaving, and his solution was to suggest an open relationship, which I absolutely refuse. It's all or nothing with me. He even said he couldn't do an open thing, quoting himself saying he only suggested it "because of those stupid things I said when I threatened to leave"... even though sometimes it feels like things are actually improving...

And then he drops that question on me... it completely froze me because I couldn't tell what he meant. It didn't sound negative, though. He knows there's zero chance of me getting pregnant, so for a split second, it sounded like he actually *wanted* it to happen—like he thought it would force him to man up because he knows he's drifting. He hasn't mentioned marriage or anything like that. He only mentioned once, a while back, that he wants a huge future with me, but he's scared of screwing it up, so we should take it slow. He basically said, "Now you tell me," implying that when he says he wants a lot more with me, he means it.

Don't you think he's just playing games with you?

What kind of marriage and kids are you dreaming about? And why, exactly? He claims he wants "so much more" with you, yet he can't even manage the basics: being an actual couple in public.

Stop deluding yourself with these fantasies about kids and weddings. Give yourself a deadline—how much longer are you willing to stay in this non-relationship?—and start preparing to walk away.

Besides, you didn't answer my previous question: how much longer are you prepared to stay in a relationship where he keeps you hidden, where you can't go out with him or meet his friends? A year? Two? How long?

mistyseal11 said:My answer is basically what I said before: yeah, I got the attention... but it was the depressing kind that just ends up weighing you down even more.

Nah, I don't have winter tires on and my car is too low to the ground to handle any snow.

Maybe, but—honestly, looking in the mirror yesterday I just felt totally disgusted with myself and that was the breaking point, I just snapped! That’s why I cut myself,

but my old man stopped me. It wasn't like I called 911 or anything...
he just offered me some Xanax to try and calm me down...

How do you even react when you hear about some neighbor trying to hang themselves, only to be saved at the very last second? Or when you hear about a clerk at a gas station overdosing on pills, and thankfully someone noticed and rushed them to the ER?

Lawrence Wright7 said:Good afternoon.
I am looking for some reliable advice here.
When I first took out my mortgage, my income was significantly higher—honestly, the bank even factored in my average travel reimbursements when calculating everything. Back then, I didn't have any child support obligations to worry about.
Then things went south. The bank hiked up my interest rate, they cut my travel stipends due to the economic crisis, and now I'm hit with child support payments on top of it all. Now? Now I'm in this nightmare where the bank is basically vacuuming up my entire paycheck.

Mortgage payment $1264
Monthly take-home pay $1367
Child support $307
It is blindingly obvious that there is absolutely ZERO money left to actually live on.

My question is,,,
Is there any law or consumer protection regulation that prevents a bank from seizing an entire salary? Isn't there a rule that they have to leave at least one-third of my income for basic living expenses? Or does that even matter anymore? Is it just a case of "you signed the contract, so you're screwed"?

Is there anything at all I can do??

So what is he supposed to discuss with the bank? Ask them to approve his monthly mortgage payment $33? 🤣

Once he covers child support—which is basically the only thing he's legally forced to pay—he's left with $1060. He claims he can earn another $1,000. That is $1393. What is the absolute bare minimum he needs to survive each month? How much? Well, if he cuts out all regular monthly expenses just to stay alive, whatever is left goes toward the mortgage. To me, $1333 seems low. I guess maybe he’s being modest and can get by on even less. Like how much less?

I think Lawrence Wright7 should try selling the condo. Find roommates immediately, since finding a buyer probably won't happen anytime soon. He should check with parents, aunts, or uncles to see if they can help. Maybe consider changing jobs, too.

Jonathan Barnes7 said:I have to point out that he has never once finished inside me—regardless of the fact that I’m on the pill and he knows damn well that I am!

So, I don't get what happened or why he's even asking that question in the middle of sex. There is zero reason to worry about pregnancy because there is absolutely no chance of that happening. It hasn't happened before, and it won't now, especially since we use both the pull-out method and the pill!!

And yeah, our situation is still a mess right now. He just can't bring himself to fully commit or let go because of the trauma from his last long-term relationship. This has been dragging on for months. On the surface, it feels like a real relationship, except we don't go out with friends or anything; it's always just the two of us. It's like he's terrified of the actual word "relationship." As soon as things get serious, he hits the brakes. I believe him, and we've been honest with each other since day one, but he refuses to talk about what happened (and honestly, I don't want to know the details either). He's insecure and feels like he can't be in a defined relationship with me, yet he doesn't want me with anyone else and he won't let me go... but he isn't seeing anyone else either!

I'm not a fan of that. How long do you think is acceptable to stay in some weird limbo or half-relationship? A year? Two?

Jonathan Barnes7 said:I've been seeing this guy for a while now. Our situation is a little complicated if I'm being honest, but that's just how it is. He knows I'm on the pill—there isn't any other birth control involved here. We trust each other, but even so, he hasn't finished inside me yet, which honestly works for both of us.

But during sex the last time, he dropped this incredibly weird question on me and I have no clue how to take it. So I'm asking you all—how would you interpret this?

Right in the middle of things—he stops—and asks me, "Are you still on the pill?" I insisted he tell me why he was even asking, but he wouldn't. Instead, he just gave me this smug, joking look and said, "Haha, don't try to trap me." He's got all sorts of weird quirks, so I wasn't totally shocked, okay? It was clearly meant as a joke. But once we were done and he hugged me, I was genuinely offended by what he said and the fact that he'd even ask that mid-act. I asked him again what he meant by that. He didn't give me a straight answer; he just held me and told me not to take it personally because he didn't mean anything bad by it. He gave me this playful look right before... so yeah, someone please tell me how I'm supposed to feel about this.

It wasn't meant to be negative, aside from that annoying little jab he made. I reacted pretty strongly, telling him I'm not stupid enough to try and trap him like that, if that's even possible. I mean, he's with me. He's older. We're both at an age where things matter. I'm finishing up college, and honestly, he's long past the age of rushing to get married. But we haven't talked about that kind of stuff because we haven't even officially defined what this is. Our relationship is... vague. He's still afraid of commitment, so we're taking it slow. We aren't seeing anyone else, but we aren't "public" yet either.

Just jumping in here: Of course the guy is afraid of commitment. He's scared of a serious relationship and scared of letting his guard down. As for why he asked you that right in the middle of sex? My first thought is that he was feeling intense desire to finish inside you, got spooked by his own urge, and panicked.

Now, the real question is how long you two have been hanging out. Maybe it's just initial distrust, which is normal. But for some people, that phase never ends. Some guys just aren't built for relationships, or at least not healthy ones. It's probably nothing to do with you personally; it's just his own baggage.

EDIT: I suspect the bigger issue is that he's keeping you a secret, rather than whatever happened during sex.

silverraven7 said:I honestly don't get how someone can be in a relationship for ages and still have absolutely no clue who their partner actually is.
I mean, you're supposed to lay it all out there in those first few months, just both of you being totally open. It’s just common sense, really, so you don't end up in some weird situation later where one person is throwing "but you said..." in the other's face.

And let's be real, jealousy and being super possessive always go hand in hand, which is just straight-up toxic.
If you actually care about someone, you've gotta talk about the heavy stuff as much as you need to until you get past it. The sooner you deal with it, the better.

Man, how are you even letting yourself spiral into a depression over something that's already done and dusted? Like, there was nothing you could do to change what happened, right?

Even if you decide to call it quits and break up, that jealousy and possessiveness isn't just going to vanish. You seriously need to go find some professional help or something.

This is the real issue here. You have to deal with this, because it's going to sabotage every single relationship you ever have.

mistyraven said:Look, I know I can be possessive and jealous, but I never let it show. I usually just bottle it all up inside.

Between dealing with depression and everything else making life miserable, this is just one more thing on the pile—not sure if it’s a big deal or not, honestly.

Well, that is definitely a problem. I mean, what’s the point of claiming you’ve never shown jealousy before if you're reacting this way to something from the distant past? 😢

You’re insecure about yourself and your partner's love. It doesn't matter how she acts or how much she proves her devotion; she isn't going to fix your insecurity for you.

Yeah, it’s tied to the depression.

Are you aware that you could lose her because of this? That you might be incapable of maintaining any relationship at all? Isn't that enough reason to go see a professional? Until you realize, deep down, that you actually have value and deserve love, you won't be able to accept it from someone else. Without fixing that hole in your heart, you're just going to stay miserable, unable to receive affection, and constantly sabotaging your relationship with this insecurity. 😢

weed: I'm going with that—you get out exactly what you put in. 😉

It’s not exactly a precise science, though. I guess nobody just wakes up miserable for no reason. You become unhappy by loving someone way too much—someone who treats you like garbage. 😢

The trick, if there is one, is finding that bit of love left inside you and giving it to people who actually deserve it.

But if you're just sitting at home, locked away, waiting for someone to call or care about you? Yeah, that’s not happening. 😢

Back when things were really rough and I felt totally alone, I used to look around and ask myself: is there anyone having a harder time than me? There’s always someone out there who lights up just because you pay attention, give them a compliment, or ask them to grab a coffee. It’s a good starting point. Basically: don't wait around. Just go for it.

mistyseal11 said:Honestly, if I actually tried to end it all, people would probably just distance themselves even more...

Look, I get it, fine—it’s my fault, I’m the problem here.

But it really sucks when you realize that despite everything, none of the people I used to hang out with actually find me interesting enough to keep around.

And the worst part? I always made such an effort to be there for everyone, you know? I was always the guy with time to spare whenever anyone needed a hand... but now that I don't have anything specific to offer, nobody seems to need me or even bother calling anymore.

It's weird.

Maybe the real issue is that you don't actually find any of those people interesting either?

Personally, I have zero interest in hanging out with anyone who doesn't care about me. I call people leeches—those who only want to be around me because they need an audience, without actually thinking I'm special or even worth their time. I just run the other way, or make it crystal clear that they should stay away from me.😠

mistyseal11 said:Quentin Tarantino

So, here’s my two cents on this whole mess, if you really want to know what I'm thinking about everything going down.

Quentin Tarantino

Who do I love? Honestly, nobody else.
I honestly don't give a damn about anyone.

Quentin Tarantino

I honestly can't stand those damn hitchhikers—they're just looking for a free ride and a way to mess with people who are actually trying to get somewhere. It’s such a headache.

Quentin Tarantino

I don't have any connections, man. Like, why is that so hard for you guys to wrap your heads around?

Quentin Tarantino

I asked him, but man, I almost took a heavy bag straight to the face!

Quentin Tarantino

Man, my neighbors are straight-up ghosting me.

just a few ghosts from my past

I’ve been grinding away behind a screen lately, but I haven't heard a peep back from anyone.

I haven't really had the chance, honestly, since everything is just digital anyway.

Like, I literally gifted him 10k gold in-game. Like, seriously, what more do you want?!

Could be true.

I don't buy it. They had plenty of chances back when I was active on social media.
Every time I tried to reach out, they just treated me like garbage.

Truthfully? No, I don't.

hey everyone. just messing around. ass, gas & grass

Fine.

So why on earth would anyone bother caring about you?

Why should anyone give a damn?

I’m being serious here.

mistyseal11 said:Yeah, sure, but I'm pretty sure that kind of talk usually ends up being entertaining for everyone else reading along.

I mean, why else would anyone even bother talking like that?
Is it just to make someone feel better, or to make them feel worse?

Since you're out here claiming it's not supposed to be funny...
- then why on earth do you want people to feel crappy?

mistyseal11, what exactly are you expecting from us?

Who do you actually love? Who do you care about? In the last three months, who have you actually brightened up? Maybe you made an acquaintance laugh when they were having a rough time, or helped an elderly lady cross the street, or stopped to chat with a neighbor recovering from surgery to wish them a Happy New Year?

Is there even one single human being on this planet you actually give a damn about? When was the last time you reached out to them, or did something decent for them?

Arthur Morgan23 just said that Facebook is basically the easiest way to reconnect with people. A bunch of dear friends, or even those you’ve neglected, would probably be thrilled if you just called them for a coffee. You don't seem to need that. So, what is it you actually need?

Donna Wood52 said:I’m struggling to find the right headline for this, but let me try to lay it out. I know this woman—maybe she’s 28, I don't know exactly—and look, she is stunning. I don't mean just "conventionally attractive," I mean truly, head-turning gorgeous. She has the kind of curves people dream about and a face straight off a Vogue cover. But—and this is the part where the story hits a wall—that is quite literally all she has. No boyfriend, let alone a husband; no college degree... basically, she lacks everything that modern American society tells a young person they "should" have to be considered successful. Yet, everywhere she goes, men are practically tripping over themselves to get her attention. I'm not sure if you see what I'm getting at here.

I met her during a group therapy session we were attending. It was one of those settings where everyone seems to be competing over their accomplishments—this guy was bragging about his career, that woman about her kids, another person about their grad school progress—and then there was her. When it was her turn to sit, she just let her thick hair down and crossed those long, beautiful legs. That was it. 😁

So, the question is: is someone like that actually happy? On one hand, looking that good has to count for something—men certainly notice—and I wouldn't call her stupid, either. She’s actually quite serious, and whenever we had these sessions, she’d offer some genuinely insightful advice. She isn't some vapid, self-absorbed airhead, despite appearances.

What I'm curious about is whether any of you have ever encountered someone like this—someone who possesses nothing to show for themselves except an incredible physical appearance?

just read it🤣

- She can't be happy if she's attending therapy.
- How can she have "nothing to show" if she isn't even stupid? And surely people without families, kids, or degrees still have value as human beings.

The topic is: what? A smart, hot girl who makes you feel insecure?

And why start a new thread looking for a therapist if you're already in group therapy? Jerry Martinez5: You can't just type on a forum like you've had too much to drink and expect people to take you seriously.

Donna Wood52 said:I honestly can't take any pride in anything. 🤷

Yeah, I truly believe anyone who ends up in psychotherapy is just a deeply unfortunate soul.

(That’s not true; you definitely have things to be proud of. You just can't seem to pick anything other than what you've used to tear down that attractive girl)

So, maybe you could explain why you even started this thread in the first place?

🙂

Donna Wood52 said:I’m struggling to find the right headline for this, but let me try to lay it out. I know this woman—maybe she’s 28, I don't know exactly—and look, she is stunning. I don't mean just "conventionally attractive," I mean truly, head-turning gorgeous. She has the kind of curves people dream about and a face straight off a Vogue cover. But—and this is the part where the story hits a wall—that is quite literally all she has. No boyfriend, let alone a husband; no college degree... basically, she lacks everything that modern American society tells a young person they "should" have to be considered successful. Yet, everywhere she goes, men are practically tripping over themselves to get her attention. I'm not sure if you see what I'm getting at here.

I met her during a group therapy session we were attending. It was one of those settings where everyone seems to be competing over their accomplishments—this guy was bragging about his career, that woman about her kids, another person about their grad school progress—and then there was her. When it was her turn to sit, she just let her thick hair down and crossed those long, beautiful legs. That was it. 😁

So, the question is: is someone like that actually happy? On one hand, looking that good has to count for something—men certainly notice—and I wouldn't call her stupid, either. She’s actually quite serious, and whenever we had these sessions, she’d offer some genuinely insightful advice. She isn't some vapid, self-absorbed airhead, despite appearances.

What I'm curious about is whether any of you have ever encountered someone like this—someone who possesses nothing to show for themselves except an incredible physical appearance?

Is anyone who starts therapy actually happy? Or do they start because they're miserable and want to change that?

Why would people go to therapy just to list things they're proud of? Is being proud of your kids, your job, your degree, or having great hair really the point? You go there to talk about your issues.

If you don't have the job, the kids, the degree, or the looks, what do you even lean on? How are you better or worse than the person who looks amazing but is sitting in a therapist's office because their life is a mess?

Or maybe you just think she shouldn't be in therapy at all, because you assume beautiful people are automatically happy.

Look, you’re just young. When some guy gives you that pathetic, soulful look and claims he's "not ready for a commitment," it doesn't mean he's some wounded soul who just needs your love to heal. It's his way of telling you he isn't serious about you.

Usually, they drop that line after having sex for the first time.

Before sex, it's always: "Don't fall for me, it won't end well for you."

And just because he isn't looking for anything serious, don't assume he won't keep calling or asking to hang out. These guys like to keep five or six girls on rotation and mess with all of them at once. He won't leave you alone unless you actually shut him down. But you'll never be anything more to him.